Do people really die 'peacefully'?

noobie

I know a nurse who told me that when a doctor says (like they do to most if not all) 'he/she died peacefully' - that this is a load of crap. She said most old people have something like a heart attack or something and that 'there is no such thing as dieing in your sleep' - i.e they wake up and suffer before dieing (and the doctors and nurses have to help as much as they can) - I was, of course, uneasy but we all have to go sometime. She said most get the morphine. It was a blunt conversation that I accidentally initiated. Having lost a Grand mother last year it is upsetting........but is there a chance she was waffling complete BS and that it is indeed possible to 'die peacefully'....personally I have always had my doubts - me thinks she has confirmed them unfortunatley.

jos28

I was with my wonderful Dad when he died. Trust me, it was peaceful. No blood, no gasping, nothing gorey. Just loads of morphine, he was smiling as we spoke to him and he just went asleep.

kelle

How does she know? She hasn't exactly gone through the experience. Talking through her a**e. I experienced hospital staff like that unfortunately when my mother and father were sick. All I know is that when my father died, he had a smile on his face just as he passed on, as did my grandmother. I'll never know about my mother as she died suddenly in hospital, but it happened very quickly and she didn't have time to suffer.
Don't know why this b*tch, or others like her, become nurses.

mike65

Neither of my parents died peacefully, most poeple do not unless drugged up in which case its a "false" context.

Mike

MagicMarker

Not if i have anything to do with it.

Sharpshooter

My mam died in the one way she didn't want , alone.
But it was a member of the family that found her (dad went out at 12 0 clock and came back at 1 after getting her shopping ) and found her on the floor of the bedroom.
There was no pain on her face , no clenched fist's, she was just lying there albiet in a strange position, doc reckons she had a massive heart attack and fell to her knees and then slumped forward.
Because she died on easter saturday it was a while before the doctor could come so l got to see her before he did , and l can say that she looked like she always looked when she was asleep.
So in answer to your question , yes in my mams case l think she didn't feel anything , she just stopped living.
l miss her lots.

noobie

mike65 wrote: »

Neither of my parents died peacefully, most poeple do not unless drugged up in which case its a "false" context.

Mike

Thanks Mike - It actually leads me to another question related - Should doctors be more honest with people about how their loved ones died? I know its touchy and very sensitive but they tell everone the same thing - it was 'peaceful'. Most want to hear that of course - I know I do. But at the same time I would take the truth. Maybe it is just best if they keep up the 'peaceful' thing. I dunno.

mike65

Horses for courses I guess. Sometimes, as with me you are close enough to thier deaths to know the truth. I guess if the bereaved looks the nurse/doctor in the eyes and asks for the unvarnished truth they'll get it. Otherwise the details will be left to one side and a generic reply is likely.

Mike

Dinter

Not to sound brutal but there are certain things that can happen to you that would ensure that if you were standing at the time you'd be dead before you hit the floor.

If you don't realise it's coming and have only a microsecond to experience it, I'd say that' as close to peaceful as you'd get.

faceman

To quote Homer..

"thats ok, dying would be soooo groovy"

Farasoi

noobie wrote: »

Should doctors be more honest with people about how their loved ones died? I know its touchy and very sensitive but they tell everone the same thing - it was 'peaceful'. Most want to hear that of course - I know I do. But at the same time I would take the truth. Maybe it is just best if they keep up the 'peaceful' thing. I dunno.

As for the doctor, for me its better not to be too frank/detail when telling how a person dies to the loved ones. I mean, yea it would be okay if the doctor tells people that their loved one who has chronic disease (wont name any- bad karma!) had problem with breathing and was getting a hard time to fight the pain, its a normal death situation but I dont think its wise enough if the doc says that he/she was tossing and turn painfully on the bed screaming in agony though.. it would make the person sad just to think about it and for not being there. So for me doctors should be honest but not too honest, its a matter of sensitivity.

Susannahmia

I watched my grandmother die "peacefully". It didn't look peaceful to me and wasn't like going to sleep at all.

noobie

Susannahmia wrote: »

I watched my grandmother die "peacefully". It didn't look peaceful to me and wasn't like going to sleep at all.

Would you care to expand on your point - only if you want to, of course.

Susannahmia

noobie wrote: »

Would you care to expand on your point - only if you want to, of course.

A lot of gasping, deep rattling breathing (hard to describe). In short it looked like a very exhausting and traumatic process. I definitely couldn't describe it as peaceful.

noobie

Susannahmia wrote: »

A lot of gasping, deep rattling breathing (hard to describe). In short it looked like a very exhausting and traumatic process. I definitely couldn't describe it as peaceful.

Thanks for that. You can look at this two ways IMO - one is your loved ones - the other is yourself - i.e is my fate to die that way when im old and grey? - me, my loved ones that have died are gone. They are no longer in pain. Therefore I turn to myself and wonder am I going to experience what you describe? Are we all going to experience that? I hope not but I think so in a way. I think honesty is lacking in this area. Whether that is for good or bad I dont know.

I think, on balance, that it is best to stick to the 'peaceful' ideal.

Wibbs

I've seen a couple of people die. It can be peaceful in my limited experience. Depends on what the underlying cause is. Massive heart attack? Pretty instant. Pneumonia or overwhelming infection? Slow but pretty undramatic. Certain cancers without good medical attention(which happens often enough in our shít system)? Not so good.

BTW people can die in their sleep. I know someone who was talking to their spouse reading a book and they stayed awake while the other nodded off, and ten minutes later the asleep person was gone. No struggle, no movement, just gone.

gogo

Susannahmia wrote: »

A lot of gasping, deep rattling breathing (hard to describe). In short it looked like a very exhausting and traumatic process. I definitely couldn't describe it as peaceful.

That deep rattling breathing, 'the death rattle', my dad had this when he was dying and I think it will haunt forever. It is an awful sound.
They had him so drugged up that i guess I'll never know if it was peaceful or not. He was dying for three days, was very healthy until the big c struck, and his healthy heart just kept beating while everything else shut down.
At the very end, he opened his eyes, looked at us all, and no more breaths were taken.
The look of pure relief on his face after was enough for me, he just couldn't keep going, so in that respect it was peaceful.

/gogo getting emotional:(

Heckler

I got a call along with my family to come quickly to the hospital my dad was in. I was the first to get there and I could see the curtain pulled around his bed and they wouldn't let me in. A nurse came out after 5 minutes and told me he had died. When we were let in to see him he didn't look well. His head was back and his upper lip gum exposed in a kind of a grimace. We asked the nurse why they left him like this ( it was quite distressing) and we were told they were supposed to show the family the moment of death without change.

We were told he went peacefully in his sleep. I asked my sister who is a doctor who sees death regularly if they were just being nice or truthful. She says they were telling the truth but when I think of it she was just probably being nice to me.

I missed his death by about 20 minutes and I would give anything to go back and be able to be with him and hold his hand and tell him i loved him and it was going to be ok.

noobie

I remember when my Granddad was dieing - he could not remember who I was. This was two days before he died. He did not look in agonising pain. I just pray that there was no pain and he passed off in his sleep. It was a sad end to an eventful life. Not being able to remember even your grand children's names still gives me shivers. I just hope this is not my fate and that I have my family by my side and Im in sound enough mind. Its an emotional subject and one which is mostly still avoided.

tech77

sharpshooterH wrote: »

My mam died in the one way she didn't want , alone.
But it was a member of the family that found her (dad went out at 12 0 clock and came back at 1 after getting her shopping ) and found her on the floor of the bedroom.
There was no pain on her face , no clenched fist's, she was just lying there albiet in a strange position, doc reckons she had a massive heart attack and fell to her knees and then slumped forward.
Because she died on easter saturday it was a while before the doctor could come so l got to see her before he did , and l can say that she looked like she always looked when she was asleep.
So in answer to your question , yes in my mams case l think she didn't feel anything , she just stopped living.
l miss her lots.

Touching post.

Sharpshooter

tech77 wrote: »

Touching post.

Thank you.

Farasoi

My Great Grandma died 2 years ago. She was acting different that day. Being a neigbour of my Grandma who lives with my aunt, she visited and asked my aunt to bathe her and cooked rice porridge. So my aunt bathe her and comb her hair and help her to eat the porridge. Then she asked for more. After my aunt back from the kitchen she realized that my Grandma is not moving anymore. It was really sad, losing someone whom really wonderful (we love her a lot), but the thought that she died peacefully makes us feel ok.

I hope when I die I die peacefully.. I dont want my close and dears feel sad.. aww this really reminds me of my family.. I wanna go home and see them..

gogo

Heckler wrote: »

I missed his death by about 20 minutes and I would give anything to go back and be able to be with him and hold his hand and tell him i loved him and it was going to be ok.

I know its probably no comfort, but my guess is he knew.A day and a half in with my dad and we though he was going and of course we were all wailing and crying and clinging on to him as if we could drag him back, when he did go a day and a half later, we were much more composed, we each got to say our bit to him and I thank god we had that privelage, Tullamore hospital has a special room dying patients, and my family camped out there for three days and nights. we slept on the floor and it is the most special time I have ever spent with my family.
But after he died there was a hundred things i wished I had said, a hundred things i wished i had thanked him for, but in my head i know he knew. you have to keep telling yourself that he knew.

Delirium

Does it not depend on how you die? I mean, a step cousin of mine was decapitated in a motorbike accident while on holidays. He was only about 23 years old. Now, that could have been so quick as to be painless or the most horrific pain you wouldn't wish on another human being. I hope for his sake it was quick.

CDfm

That people have the idea of Irish nurses as caring is totally beyond me.
They are a self centred bunch of layabouts.

When I go - set up some Ryanair Trollydollys around me.

ShellBell1

Do people really die peacefully?

I doubt it.

Sharpshooter

ShellBell1 wrote: »

Do people really die peacefully?

I doubt it.

Well this is a poster who matches his Avatar.:rolleyes:

gogo

ShellBell1 wrote: »

Do people really die peacefully?

I doubt it.

Thanks for that insight.:rolleyes:

jimmycrackcorm

ShellBell1 wrote: »

Do people really die peacefully?

I doubt it.

Of course you doubt it but then you probably haven't a clue what you're talkng about.

As I watched my Da die, I felt it wasn't comfortable in any way but the other half is a nurse and after telling me some stories about people dying on the ward, I've no doubt that a lot of people die in a manner that transends the actual pain of death. She herself doesn't fear death as a result only the effect that death has on those left behind.

Call Me Jimmy

I was always skeptical about how often people are described to have died 'peacefully', I dunno why.

For me, the physical experience of death is the biggest fear. Yea you can say it's only a moment but assuming a lot of people die in considerable pain (heart attacks and the like) I can't not think about it. It's like someone telling you "I will impail you with a spear some time in the next fifty years" and you have to go "Ok, well I'll just forget about it until then".

Heckler

gogo wrote: »

I know its probably no comfort, but my guess is he knew.A day and a half in with my dad and we though he was going and of course we were all wailing and crying and clinging on to him as if we could drag him back, when he did go a day and a half later, we were much more composed, we each got to say our bit to him and I thank god we had that privelage, Tullamore hospital has a special room dying patients, and my family camped out there for three days and nights. we slept on the floor and it is the most special time I have ever spent with my family.
But after he died there was a hundred things i wished I had said, a hundred things i wished i had thanked him for, but in my head i know he knew. you have to keep telling yourself that he knew.

Thats really touching. Thank you Gogo.

ShellBell1

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Of course you doubt it but then you probably haven't a clue what you're talkng about.

Oh, and you actually know me, don't you?

Heckler

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Of course you doubt it but then you probably haven't a clue what you're talkng about.

As I watched my Da die, I felt it wasn't comfortable in any way but the other half is a nurse and after telling me some stories about people dying on the ward, I've no doubt that a lot of people die in a manner that transends the actual pain of death. She herself doesn't fear death as a result only the effect that death has on those left behind.

I kinda feel the same way. If I ever think about my own death I get more upset about the people left behind than myself. I reckon when you are gone you are gone. It's the people grieving who bear the brunt of your death.

ShellBell1

sharpshooterH wrote: »

Well this is a poster who matches his Avatar.:rolleyes:

Well, in case you've neglected to notice, this is a thread where people are free to bring forth their own opinions on the topic- not on the nature of the person, who chooses to communicate a particular thing that doesn't even contravene The Charter.

ShellBell1

Death is overrated anyway.

Sharpshooter

ShellBell1 wrote: »

Death is overrated anyway.

EAT MY SHORT'S. Another Avatar l am sure you are acquainted with.

ShellBell1

sharpshooterH wrote: »

EAT MY SHORT'S.

Ah no, you're grand. I've already eaten.

Sharpshooter

ShellBell1 wrote: »

Ah no, you're grand. I've already eaten.

Yes l can see you have eaten the rest of the original post.;)

Overheal

How peaceful will it be when im burned alive in a wake of fission?

greatgoal

listen people,were all gonna get a go,whether we like it or not,but at the end of the day its something we all have to go through,your turn is coming,regardless of who you are......death is lurking...beware...and be ready

ShellBell1

sharpshooterH wrote: »

Yes l can see you have eaten the rest of the original post.;)[/quote]

CDfm

dont go to the wake of fission - they are a really crap band

Sharpshooter

Overheal wrote: »

How peaceful will it be when im burned alive in a wake of fission?

Wonder how long it will take ShellBell1 to answer this one?

ShellBell1

Overheal wrote: »

How peaceful will it be when im burned alive in a wake of fission?

As peaceful as a meeting of the Oireachtas.

ShellBell1

sharpshooterH wrote: »

Wonder how long it will take ShellBell1 to answer this one?

Wonder no more.

greatgoal

youll get your turn....its just..when?

ShellBell1

sharpshooterH wrote: »

Yes l can see you have eaten the rest of the original post.;)

You can't see anything. You are many, many miles away from my flat. Thanks be to God.

Maybe I'll think that before I die actually? "Thanks be to God". Whoops, hello crematorium!

sock.rocker*

we were all in the room when my grandmother went... very quiet.

Sharpshooter

ShellBell1 wrote: »

sharpshooterH wrote: »

Yes l can see you have eaten the rest of the original post.;)[/quote

sharpshooterH wrote: »

]

Go back to 01:38 , Eaten as in edited.:rolleyes: MR BURNS.

ShellBell1

sock.rocker* wrote: »

we were all in the room when my grandmother went... very quiet.

Can I ask you how she died? I mean, was it a specific illness or just 'old age', as they tend to say?

My nan died as a result of stomach cancer, but she was 85. A good age. She was thin anyway, but she looked like a skeleton lying in repose by the time she had been put out of her misery.

She stayed totally independent right up until she was no longer able to stand or walk. Did her own shopping and everything. She was a tough cookie.

ShellBell1

sharpshooterH wrote: »

ShellBell1 wrote: »

Go back to 01:38 , Eaten as in edited.:rolleyes: MR BURNS.

Nah, can't be f_cking bothered.