Can't stop listening to ex's voicemails!

LegacyUser

After a fairly rocky relationship, broke up with an ex about 9 months ago.
The thing is, once, after ringing her since, for some reason I was put through straight into her voice mailbox (straight into the "you have no new messages" part).
I couldn't resist the temtation and changed her password. She can still listen to her voicemails from her phone but I can ring straight into her inbox and listen to her messages, and will never twig unless she tries to check her messages from someone else's phone.

I feel like a right loser doing this, and I wouldnt mind but I'm with a girl now who's worth ten of my ex and know I'm letting her down. I know I'd be in a potential world of hurt if either found out, but my curiousity (nosiness, control-freakiness) gets the better of me.

Just feel better writing about it.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Cop on and stop. It'll achieve nothing, and you know it's wrong. If you need to, go to the change password thing again and type in random numbers so at least you can't figure it out.

Karen_*

Change the password to random and then move on.:)

Clare Bear

Stop doing it. Like Jimmy said, type in random numbers that you don't look at and leave it at that. You're with someone far better now, enjoy it and don't care what someone who isn't in your life anymore is up to.

LegacyUser

she will twig
if you're dialin and placing a 5 in front of her number and if/when she sets up text reports, she will she a missed call text from your number

So I'd advise you to stop sooner rather then later

Zillah

Karen_* wrote: »

Change the password to random and then move on.:)

Yeah this works. You only need discipline for a few seconds and then its out of your hands.

Colonel_McCoy

Stop acting like a stalker!

Sincho

Ok, this is a bit psychotic and maybe you need to think about the fact that if you'd moved on from the break up you wouldn't still feel to need to listen to her PRIVATE messages.

AngryBadger

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

Stop acting like a stalker!

+1

Seriously OP, it's kind of worrying that you're doing this, particularly given that you're with someone else in a long-term relationship....

towel401

at least delete a bunch of new messages from her phone first for revenge then change the password

they might want you to confirm the new password. in that case you pay an 8 year old on the street a euro to do it for you

Loose Lips

youyouyou wrote: »

After a fairly rocky relationship, broke up with an ex about 9 months ago.
The thing is, once, after ringing her since, for some reason I was put through straight into her voice mailbox (straight into the "you have no new messages" part).
I couldn't resist the temtation and changed her password. She can still listen to her voicemails from her phone but I can ring straight into her inbox and listen to her messages, and will never twig unless she tries to check her messages from someone else's phone.

I feel like a right loser doing this, and I wouldnt mind but I'm with a girl now who's worth ten of my ex and know I'm letting her down. I know I'd be in a potential world of hurt if either found out, but my curiousity (nosiness, control-freakiness) gets the better of me.

Just feel better writing about it.

You should stop doing this and respect her privacy.

FX Meister

+8
Just change it to a random password, removes your temptation. At least you admit what you're doing is wrong. Thats a start yo.

Wibbs

OK pardon me if I'm being blunt. What the jumpin **** are you doing? Seriously cop on and move on. You're bloody lucky to be loved up with a new woman(10 times better apparently) so give yourself the proverbial kick in the arse and just stop. No "trick" to it.

housefrau

Were you always with controlling and nasty to her? Did you read her e-mails also?

Sounds like she had a lucky escape and I feel sorry for your new girlfriend.

You have issues.

Katgurl

WHY are you listening to the voicemails? why did you start & why are you still doing it? I can't think of anything more boring. are you putting together a puzzle? did you discover new information?

regarding the new girlfriend - it doesn't sound like you should be in another relationship, you clearly haven't moved on. how long are you with her? if she's brand new, you may need to rid yourself of some bad habits. if you're with her 3 months+ , you are doing her a major disservice.

Maybe you need a frank have-it-all-out with the ex if there are still things you are wondering about. And take everyone's advice and remove temptation by changing the pin.

towel401

housefrau wrote: »

Were you always with controlling and nasty to her? Did you read her e-mails also?

Sounds like she had a lucky escape and I feel sorry for your new girlfriend.

You have issues.

ah now there's no need for that.

unhappycamper

Man listen up, no girl is worth that type of wild behavior and espionage, let her move on. If I wanted I could check my x's e mails but it would be so wrong to do so.

Oryx

youyouyou wrote: »

.

I feel like a right loser doing this, and I wouldnt mind but I'm with a girl now who's worth ten of my ex and know I'm letting her down. I know I'd be in a potential world of hurt if either found out, but my curiousity (nosiness, control-freakiness) gets the better of me.

Just feel better writing about it.

Why are you doing it?
More, why are you telling us about it? Just stop!

Doing this, along with your comment about your new girl being ten times better, shows me you are carrying a world of bitterness towards your ex. But she is your EX. Its over. Quit doing this, and move on. Be a better man for gods sake. Right now the one thing you do have correct is that you are a loser.

Pol Pot

Pol Pot thinks you should use your time more productively but also thinks you should ignore the clods on their moral high horse here also.
therapy? FOR GODS SAKE

Given half a chance Pol Pot would listen to everybody's voicemail, read their email - try getting him on the couch.

As for your new gf - Pol pot thinks you should respect her and end it until you are mentally strong enough for a new gf. Because you're prob not if you cannot control yourself.

Saskia

Pol Pot wrote: »

Pol Pot thinks you should use your time more productively but also thinks you should ignore the clods on their moral high horse here also.
therapy? FOR GODS SAKE

Given half a chance Pol Pot would listen to everybody's voicemail, read their email - try getting him on the couch.

As for your new gf - Pol pot thinks you should respect her and end it until you are mentally strong enough for a new gf. Because you're prob not if you cannot control yourself.

Pighead?

krpc

youyouyou wrote: »

After a fairly rocky relationship, broke up with an ex about 9 months ago.
The thing is, once, after ringing her since, for some reason I was put through straight into her voice mailbox (straight into the "you have no new messages" part).
I couldn't resist the temtation and changed her password. She can still listen to her voicemails from her phone but I can ring straight into her inbox and listen to her messages, and will never twig unless she tries to check her messages from someone else's phone.

I feel like a right loser doing this, and I wouldnt mind but I'm with a girl now who's worth ten of my ex and know I'm letting her down. I know I'd be in a potential world of hurt if either found out, but my curiousity (nosiness, control-freakiness) gets the better of me.

Just feel better writing about it.

I think that you do this and you have to post here about it suggests a big problem. Do you think people will tell you that this behaviour is o.k.? Are you looking for validation for your acts?

You are demonstrating amazing disrespect and not to mention an invasion of privacy against your ex doing this and also to your current girlfriend who you say is not worth ten of your ex? Why are you with your current girlfriend if you think so little of her? In fact, to treat two people (or indeed anyone) like this, I have to wonder if you have any respect for yourself?

I think you need to learn that you should threat others in the manner that you would wish them to treat you.

Bottle_of_Smoke

For F*CK sake what if battery's dead & she needs to listen to her voicemails urgently??

Marksie

Saskia: On topic please

Katgurl

i-bloodhound wrote: »

You are demonstrating amazing disrespect and not to mention an invasion of privacy against your ex doing this and also to your current girlfriend who you say is not worth ten of your ex? Why are you with your current girlfriend if you think so little of her? In fact, to treat two people (or indeed anyone) like this, I have to wonder if you have any respect for yourself?

I think you need to learn that you should threat others in the manner that you would wish them to treat you.

BH, the OP said the new girlfriend was worth 10 of his ex, not the other way round.

I personally think people are being too hard on the OP. He's posted here to get it off his chest and for help, not for a load of self-righteous judgement. He knows what he's doing is wrong.

OP, how long are you with the new girlfriend? how long were you with the ex? If you figured out why you are still interested, you might find you don't feel need to check up on her anymore.

Overheal

OP thats immoral and illegal

Pen1987

*uck this moral *hite, if I accidentally got into someone elses inbox I'd defo have a gander!


I wouldnt keep on going back in and doing it though.




Unless it had some sort of comedy aspect.

LegacyUser

I did this before with an ex. I know it's wrong but if anyone is silly enough to leave their pin on 0000, they're asking for trouble.. Wanted to see what she was up to. Didn't find out much - one sided conversations are boring! I knew I'd do it again so with my last girlf, when I helped her setup her voicemail and made sure she entered the pin in private.

pookie82

Katgurl wrote: »

WHY are you listening to the voicemails? I can't think of anything more boring. are you putting together a puzzle? did you discover new information?.

This is what I want to know. If it were texts you were snooping in than fair enough (well, not fair enough but you know what I mean) but how much info do you really get from voicemails???? I get about two voice mails a month, if even, and they're usually regarding something formal (like my landlady or boss) rather than a personal message from a friend/BF.

I used to live with a girl years ago who hijacked the voice mail of the girlfriend of a guy she'd been with to listen to her voice mails and delete them!!!! It was more than a little psychotic and obsessive. She used to get into people's voice mail and change the passwords so that only she had access. I think it can be done somehow if you have their number alone - least I think that's how she did it. OP are you sure you "accidently" stumbled across this opportunity and didn't set out to snoop???

Either way, you know it's the wrong thing to do. It's a little weird (well a lot weird) that you're this hung up and with another girl whom you admit is a much better person for you. As you said, if either find out you'll be destroyed, so cut it out now. IMO it shouldn't even necessitate you changing the password back (though i guess you'll have to "free" it up again somehow for her to access - can that be done?). You should make the decision to stop and just move on.

krpc

Katgurl wrote: »

BH, the OP said the new girlfriend was worth 10 of his ex, not the other way round.

I personally think people are being too hard on the OP. He's posted here to get it off his chest and for help, not for a load of self-righteous judgement. He knows what he's doing is wrong.

OP, how long are you with the new girlfriend? how long were you with the ex? If you figured out why you are still interested, you might find you don't feel need to check up on her anymore.

My bad on getting that fact wrong - all else I said still applies, IMHO. If being self righteous is knowing the difference from right and wrong, then sure, I'm self-righteous

Marksie

OP: scramble the password. You won't move on if you don't.

There are enough PI threads which start with "I was looking through my boyfriends/girlfriends phone" to know that nothing good can come of it.

Its also common, though unacceptable, behaviour. So yelling therapy isn't really an answer.

Immoral? excessive curiosity perhaps, along the lines of don't open that box pandora there is something nasty in it: and whats the saying about curiosity and cats?

What you have done is lifted it to the next level... so do something about it before you decide to raise the bar further after finding something you don't like... and do end up in stalker territory whihc does require therapy

Singer73

The way I see it, if the op didn't do this, he would have nothing to post about, and we wouldn't be so delighted to read about such salacious behaviour. This sort of tale is the raison d'etre of boards.ie, so stop pretending not to be voyeurs, and enjoy the show!

Marksie

Singers73: infracted, off topic post

Petrolium Hat

This is illegal and an extreme invasion of privacy. You might as well be breaking into her house and steaming open her letters. There is very little difference.

Stop it now.

Karen_*

I think there's more than a small difference between breaking and entering and accessing a voicemail. In the eyes of the law.

Petrolium Hat

Karen_* wrote: »

I think there's more than a small difference between breaking and entering and accessing a voicemail. In the eyes of the law.

Maybe...itd be more similar to you knowing that the ex leaves a key under the mat, using that to gain entry and then steaming open the ops letters once a week. You can kid yourself because it's easy that it's not really really wrong but it is, very little difference in my mind.

Katgurl

I just don't get why everyone is pointing out how wrong / illegal / easily found out this is.

He KNOWS its wrong. his post is about the fact he knows but he can't help himself.

Petrolium Hat

Katgurl wrote: »

I just don't get why everyone is pointing out how wrong / illegal / easily found out this is.

He KNOWS its wrong. his post is about the fact he knows but he can't help himself.

Eh the point is he SHOULD be able to help himself because it is SO wrong and illegal.

Perhaps the more people that say that the more it will hit home.

IRISH RAIL

Petrolium Hat wrote: »

Eh the point is he SHOULD be able to help himself because it is SO wrong and illegal.

Perhaps the more people that say that the more it will hit home.

MY god that is one of the stupidist things ive heard here for a while
op knows its wrong. its compulsive for him to keep checking it, he needs to change the number to a random one or send a text to the ex saying to change her password. just because somethings illegal that wont make people stop.

Karen_*

Petrolium Hat wrote: »

Eh the point is he SHOULD be able to help himself because it is SO wrong and illegal.

Perhaps the more people that say that the more it will hit home.

Wouldn't the world be great if everyone was able to refrain from any wrongdoing? No-ones strict moral code would be offended and there would be no psychos.

The OP knows what he's doing is wrong. Aside from anything else OP you might hear something you don't like. Eavesdroppers and all that!

Petrolium Hat

IRISH RAIL wrote: »

MY god that is one of the stupidist things ive heard here for a while
op knows its wrong. its compulsive for him to keep checking it, he needs to change the number to a random one or send a text to the ex saying to change her password. just because somethings illegal that wont make people stop.

If you're going to call something "one of the stupidist things ive heard for a while", then at least learn to spell "stupidest". It adds more weight and cogency to the arguement that the other person is stupid(and not you).


I dont disagree that he needs to change the number to a random number. However, pointing on that is illegal is far from stupid, the OP doesnt seem to mention this...at all, so it is worth pointing out and reiterating. If you disagree with that then fine fair play, but can you relax a little and worry about your own advice rather than crititising other people for pointing out something which is both factually true and relivent.

I dont think the OP should be appeased by JUST being told make the password random, i find what they are doing to be discusting, bording on stalking. If it was your little sister or your current girlfirend who this was happening to im sure you wouldnt be as appeasing.

Petrolium Hat

Karen_* wrote: »

Wouldn't the world be great if everyone was able to refrain from any wrongdoing? No-ones strict moral code would be offended and there would be no psychos.

The OP knows what he's doing is wrong. Aside from anything else OP you might hear something you don't like. Eavesdroppers and all that!

As per my previous post. I cant believe everyone isn;t condemning this, it is wrong and weird people. Where do you draw the line? Is it ok to sit outside her house and watch her all day just cos he knows it's wrong? Come on!

Karen_*

He's not sitting outside her house nor breaking into it and steaming her letters open. Every single person agrees checking the voicemail is wrong. Just because we're not all calling for his head on a plate doesn't mean we think its right. But its hardly time to call the police or the men in the white coats yet!

Petrolium Hat

So you're saying it's wrong to tell the OP that he's wrong? Your arguement that he's not sitting outside her house or reading her letters, seems to suggest that it's wrong but not that wrong really? I think it's wrong to just gloss over that fact that it is horrible what he is doing and it's that horribleness that should get him to stop.

He's not breaking into the house but again where do ye draw the line...
Would it be ok if he say had her online password for her freetexting for her mobile...would it be ok to text people from that? None of it is ok. It's really really weird. Unless the OP sees that he wont stop.

citeal

if you reread his title it clearly states that he CAN'T stop. there is no question about whether he thinks its wrong or not.

Petrolium Hat

citeal wrote: »

if you reread his title it clearly states that he CAN'T stop. there is no question about whether he thinks its wrong or not.

Of course he can stop, maybe it might involve conselling of some sort but of course he can. The force of the moon doesnt make him pick up the phone and check her voicemail. It might be difficult but he can. Im not sure he realises how wrong he is otherwise hed stop is my arguement. Saying a blanket "he cant" just absolves him of responsibility for his actions.

Karen_*

Petrolium Hat wrote: »

So you're saying it's wrong to tell the OP that he's wrong? Your arguement that he's not sitting outside her house or reading her letters, seems to suggest that it's wrong but not that wrong really? I think it's wrong to just gloss over that fact that it is horrible what he is doing and it's that horribleness that should get him to stop.

He's not breaking into the house but again where do ye draw the line...
Would it be ok if he say had her online password for her freetexting for her mobile...would it be ok to text people from that? None of it is ok. It's really really weird. Unless the OP sees that he wont stop.

Petrolium the OP knows its wrong and no one is disputing that. He DOES see it! I just don't see how going through a list of possible crimes and comparing them is relevant. He isn't in fact breaking into her house and noone is saying that it would be right even if he did. ok ok its wrong. Its wierd, wrong psychotic and on and on into infinity.

LegacyUser

Just to settle the arguement, I know it's wrong and I know it's illegal.

Despite what you might now think, I'd consider myself a fairly (!) well-balanced individual, well brought up, intelligent and educated; I've a good career and my mortgage is paid off.
However, (without going into breakup details) I feel that she and I have unfinished business. I don't believe in Karma so I might have to take the opportunity myself. Nor do I believe, as most of society seems to, that nothing is the individual's fault: she wronged me and I owe her one. She was a bad person: it wasn't her parents' or the school bully's fault. It was hers. Well I can be bad too.
If I see the opportunity arise I'll pay her back. She hasn't a clue what's going on, I've kept pace with her circumstances and if the chance comes I'd like to pull her sky down.

For those of you with tittilation needs: yes, I like it when she gets bad news, don't when she gets good.

As for my current girlfriend, sometimes I feel her love is the only thing stopping me walking around there with a baseball bat.

MJOR

Are you out of your mind???? You are totally invading her privacy. STOP

IRISH RAIL

If you're going to call something "one of the stupidist things ive heard for a while", then at least learn to spell "stupidest". It adds more weight and cogency to the arguement that the other person is stupid(and not you).

Coming from a person who went back and edited there post for spelling ???
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Stupidist see it IS a word

op if you cant get into it then you wont be able to listen yes revenge feels good sometimes, but it aint the answer to everything. some people here have you labelled a maniac stalker youre not you have an addiction to your exs phone numbers. forget about counselling you dont need it. just change the password some night when you are drunk you wont remember it the next day. then get on with your life.

towel401

IRISH RAIL wrote: »

If you're going to call something "one of the stupidist things ive heard for a while", then at least learn to spell "stupidest". It adds more weight and cogency to the arguement that the other person is stupid(and not you).

Coming from a person who went back and edited there post for spelling ???
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Stupidist see it IS a word

op if you cant get into it then you wont be able to listen yes revenge feels good sometimes, but it aint the answer to everything. some people here have you labelled a maniac stalker youre not you have an addiction to your exs phone numbers. forget about counselling you dont need it. just change the password some night when you are drunk you wont remember it the next day. then get on with your life.

i wouldn't worry too much about the 'stalker' part though. it doesn't take much to be a stalker these days. beside stalkers are usually infatuated. this guy just hates his ex and revenge does feel good.

look at someone's bebo page a bit too often and you're a stalker. everybody here is probably a stalker even if they don't realise it

Marksie

Petroleum hat: this is meant to be about the OP not about you discussing all the other posters advice or the legalities and similarities..

Irish rail: Same please
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