General negative attitude...?

LegacyUser

THIS IS A VERY LONG ONE...



Hey all,

I'm wondering if anyone can relate to me... eh.. i mean a friend of mine.. yeah.. a friend.

Seriously though;

I'm seemingly a lazy prick, but i seem to just have a bad attitude to doing anything.

Quick biography of me:


I went to primary school, yada yada yada, went to secondary school, fell (secretly) madly in love with a girl (i would have been about 13 at the time) never said it to her. Was fascinated by her every move for four solid years (AKA: My school life duration) Eventually mentioned it to her how i felt about her (i didnt know her well, but we'd say hello and have very short chit-chat here and there) not knowing what to expect. She pretty much laughed at me and left.

I left school after Transition Year. Had lost all hope and interest in it. Went and got a job in a factory, Stuck it out for a few weeks, then they put me on a night shift (working 12midnight to 8am). I hated it and wanted off it. They wouldnt take me off it. I mentioned i was 17 and wasnt supposed to be working those hours. They decided to let me go. I argued a (very valid) point that they had hired tonnes of people after me. They said they didnt hire people under 18, and they didnt know i was under 18. I acknowledged they had other under 18 employees and that they double checked my Date of birth upon starting. I left the job and reported them for having 14 year olds working the 12midnight-8am shift (which was true).

By this point any social life i had was long dead and buried. I rarely went out due to the sh*tty working hours of the factory job and i hadn't seen my friends much. but still kept in touch a lot. (Note: i dont drink, smoke, do drugs, etc. so when i say "out" i dont mean to pubs/clubs or anything. i just mean out as in outside in general).


I was angry, as christmas was just coming up and i'd just lost a job.

I struggled through christmas and went to work for dunnes.

Things were going ok. Not great, not terrible. Got along well with the people, lack of interest in going to pubs, etc. meant i didnt really get to befriend anyone outside of work properly. Got along well with a girl there who started a few weeks after me. We talked on msn/text messaging a fair bit and i quite liked her, but couldnt gather any interest in meeting anyone outside the job.

10 or 11 months in, i had to get circumcised. this was about late september i think. I know its rare for people to get it done at that age but its irrelevant. after the operation i needed about a week off (it hurts like hell for a while after and just walking is a pain in the cock... literally). I went to work, gave them the doctors notes that said i was sick (didn't say why) and needed time off. I was told that that wasn't good enough, and my manager went on to detail that they have a knowledgeable medical person in Dunnes HQ in dublin that sees all these things, and that i'd be better off just telling him what was wrong with me. I didn't.

Eventually i gave in and told them what was wrong (it was taking me into my second week to be able to walk comfortably, so i felt guilty). They told me that my reason was fine. But they were issuing me with a warning "not because you're sick, but just because you're missing time in general". So pretty muc, despite being covered by my doctor i was still warned for absence (i didnt miss much time outside of the operation). Suddenly, when i came back to work properly, everyones attitude changed. i went from being seen a great guy to being a complete prick. Apparently my manager had 'accidentally said that i was purposely missing time cos i didnt like the other guy i was working with in the stock room". (if i miss time without notice, the whole store goes to sh*t cos that company can't organise anything properly).


Eventually i was getting called into the managers office practically every day for little things i'd do. I once went to buy a t-shirt on my lunch break and i was told to "get out of the store, will you" because i was "distracting the other staff by talking to them". Which was not true. One day i was on checkout serving a customer and a manager decided to come over and shout in my face in front of a long queue of people about me being slow to do anything (despite the fact that i was told to stay on checkouts, and the Queue was huge and there were feck all other staff in at the time).

That was the last day i worked there. I wouldnt ever work for them, or shop there, again. I left that evening and never came back.



Went on the dole. at first sent out CV's left right and centre. got no word back and just got lazy. spent all my time on the interweb and collecting action figures.


One year later. I rarely or never see any friends (in fact, i think i only have one friend these days and i last seen him about three months ago, though we do talk the odd time on msn). I've developed a kind of social anxiety disorder, have suffered some really depressing days, so i absolutely hate and dread leaving the house to do anything.

Brother started his own little company up and i've been working the odd dates here and there with him. Nothing worth bragging about though.



Today... My brothers little company began losing out on work. Not gone out of business, still doing ok, but he decided he'd be best to get an actual job. began a job last week and i started working with him this week (he got me the job). I will be working til christmas.

When i go into the job its a pretty handy one. its straightforward. I work with my brother and another guy. the boss comes and goes during the day. He seems like a nice guy. just a few hours ago i "officially" became the boyfriend of a girl that i actually quite like. Not mad about her, but dont dislike her either. She says she's "in love with me" so despite me not liking her that much, i feel that if i laugh her off i may have switched roles with the girl from school i mentioned at the start. and i could never put someone through that emotional bullsh*t. it sucks.


Great progress right?

Girlfriend, handy job, working with my brother and all...



Except its not progress in my mind. I hate the job. Even though its pretty handy, there is a lot of pressure in it and i hate the thought that i'll screw something up (i did already but it wasn't too bad). There are two different things i don in the job. one of them is easy as cake, the other is the nerve-wracking one. I literally hate the job because of that. Also, wen the boss comes, there are many times in the day when i'll be standing around doing nothing (Same for everyone) and i feel like i have ot be doing something when he's there, even if there's nothing to do, so i end up pretending im working and i walk around like a total tool pretending im doing something. i've only been in this job three days.

When i am working/doing things, i often find myself standing there, whilst carrying out the task and thinking "is this all there is?". You know, like, in relation to life itself in general. It seems so repetitive and boring.


As for the girlfriend; still hate the thoughts of going out, She's really into holding hands and kissing a lot. When i walk downtown and i see two people kissing in the middle of a path, i feel like going over to them and smashing their faces in with my shoe. It bugs me and i feel as awkward and uncomfortable doing it. But i don't want to say no or anything because she's a kinda girl thats really into me (why? i dont know) and i feel like she'll be crushed if i say anything negative to/about her.


So in short.. I feel miserable about everything, even though things have really picked up. As mentally dull as it makes you, i enjoyed sitting on my ass in front of a PC wishing death on myself.



When i finish my awkwardly annoying job, i have nowhere to go. Nothing to do. I'd love to have a group of friends that i can hang around with and have a laugh with. Have a girlfriend whom im really keen on. actually, god forbid, enjoy my job and generally have a brighter outlook on life.




In reality, i have one friend who i rarely or never see. He himself, though, has tonnes of friends, and although i mentally scream at him to introduce me to some of them, he never really has and i never really meet people any other way. (When im in anyone's company i pretend im the happiest guy in the world. I don't like people to think im feeling down or anything, so i suspect he doesnt realise my loneliness).

Girlfriend is really just me trying to change something in my life more than anything else. But i just know it'll end horribly. I dont have the heart to break up with her (see: school girl story above) but i dont really enjoy her company that much either. We have nothing in common and i pretty much have to talk non-stop around her to try and find anything to get a conversation started (im horrible at talking to people, but around people i know im ok, so i try to make sarcastic remarks about things in the general area of us to start some kind of conversation, which really just turns into me talking to myself). I kinda hope she'll realise im not all that great and she'll break up with me, but i dont see that happening in the near future. and although im 20, i'm forced to whoring out the "i love you" sentence every twenty seconds til it becomes so pointless and worn that it means nothing whatsoever.


Life in general sucks. I have no friends, i have a horrible awkwardness about going to work, no real ambitions, a great lack of enthusiasm, etc. etc.




I know this has been long, but im really just looking for any advice. Particularly from anyone who may have experienced similar events of feel the same way?

Please don't reply with "well go to the doctor" or "well go to Retards anonymous" etc. as the chances of me actually going out and talking to a group of strangers about any problem i may have is hugely unlikely.



Thanks again to anyone who may have read this. Its possibly littered with spelling errors and nonsensical rambling, but im wrecked tired. I've actually enjoyed writing it though. gives me time to look back on it all myself. I'll visit the thread again tomorrow evening. Im going to go to bed now and endure a lovely awkward day of work tomorrow.



Take care all.

Burial

Make an account on boards, and goto the one of the meet-up things, and if thats not what you like organise something on boards yourself and who knows what random crazy strangers you'd meet! Ask the GF to introduce you to her friends. As for the job, if it's not what you like, go for something that you do like. (If you like to be a lifeguard, do life-saving courses, but I'd recommend you use the job to tie you over until then)

I'm unsure of what advice your looking for, but the Dunnes story about the manager I understand. Happened to my friends before. It seems the less work you do in Dunnes the less likely you'll be fired. I also was in a relationship with a girl I didn't like. I'd say end it, because she's going to limit your meeting of new potential GF and whats the point of staying in something you don't want to be in? (For your job included) How did you meet your GF? Is she the girl you met in Dunnes over a year ago?? This seems like too long to pretend that you like her. You shouldn't use her for your only social connection to the outside world. I'd recommend doing a course/joining a team and getting to know people. Get your brother to introduce you to some of his friends.

LeahBaby

Op If you expect life to give you lemons, it will.

Get off your lazy arse and do something with your life!. Your post made me a little mad as you have the most dismal outlook on life.
You make your own luck. Don't expect life to just immediatly turn and be perfect for you.

Do a course,get a job you like,meet people,dump your poor girl(sounds too good for you anyway)and grow up.

I'm 20,have my own house,car,job,dog,fiance (and I did it all myself)

<<My point is...If you want it. You can have it. You just gotta go and do it.

RossFixxxed

"Retards anonymous". Yeah you have a bad, bad attitude. And if you shut off advice already then what the hell do you want us to say to you. You are responsible for your own happiness, so you gotta sort it out ANY and EVERY way you can. Cop on.

Ross

karen3212

Hi op,

Do you feel you could talk to your brother, especially about the anxious part of your work at the present?

I really think you should go to a career counsellor, they may be able to give you advice on areas that might interest you that you haven't thought of yet.

Ann22

You're only in the job three days, give it a chance, your confidence may grow. If it doesn't look like you're ever going to like it look out for something else also try doing an evening course in something you're interested in - like photography, art or even learning to play an instrument. It'll get you out of the house and give you something positive to talk about when meeting new people. I agree with some of the previous posts (some were too harsh imo) regarding breaking it off with the gf, the longer it goes on the harder it will be to make the break.
You really do need to do something as it sounds as if you're heading for a bout of depression. You don't want to end up going down that road. Best of luck.:)

Beruthiel

long story

Nothing in this life comes easy and only you have the power to change it if you are not happy.
There is no easy, quick fix solution. You have to mentally set yourself some goals as to what you want out of your life and then go get it.

Karen_*

Your attitude can be changed to a positive one with just a simple decision made by you. Let go of the girlfriend as she deserves to be with someone who loves her back.

You're very self absorbed OP and thats not going to serve you well. The world doesn't owe you anything so if you want a better life you're going to have to make your own luck.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Let the girl down gently, she deserves someone who will love her.

Look into doing a FAS course, or something similar in an area you are interested in.

And do something to meet people - be it a boards meet, a new hobby, or something else. Maybe try public speaking classes or something to improve on your people skills?

And for Gods sake, cheer up - as said above (better than I, I might add) life is what you make of it... the more effort you put in, the more likely you'll get it back in positive ways. You've no-one to blame but yourself, and I think thats the main problem. You have to see that you have let yourself slide into this rut, and only you can pull yourself back out.

Its possible though, definitely. just depends how much you want it. You only get one life - its now your call whether to buck up and make it what you want it to be, or else waste it as a lonely moany person.

Best of luck.

unhappycamper

Sounds fairly miserable alright.. go to Easons on O'Conell st pick up a copy of Duncan Banatines book, he is your man from the dragons den. Inspiring read. Basically use you **** job to raise 2 grand and start your own business, imagination and positive mental thinking is the key for you to get out of that rut your in and become a somebody. You sound like you are full of low self esteem my friend. Your past is what it is but you can change the future. Look at what you can sell that know-one else is selling and start small, one day you might be surprised by just how good a person you really are.


Slan

Ok guys, stop giving this lad a hard time, he has come looking for advise and the first thing you do is sa get off your lazy arse and the like. Luckily non of you have ever suffered from depression, and I really hope non of your loved ones ever suffer from it because you will send them completely round the bend with your attitude. Leah baby, so you're bloody marvellous, you have everything, fair play, I am 26 and pretty much have what I need but I have suffered from serious depression, it is horrible, it is an illness, it is not something you choose to feel - who in gods name would choose to feel crap all the time??? think about it.

Long story, I really do sympathise with you, and yes, the easiest thing is to say, see a doctor, but I never did, I still cancel appointments the day before cos I'm scared. You need to take it step by step, start by going for a walk every day, listening to upbeat music, then, as suggested by burial, try and meet people from boards, or other sources, put an ad up here looking for a walking partner, the key here is step by step. You can be happy, you will have to let yourself be happy but that is easier said than done.

What area do you live in?

Sincho

I don't know where you're living but if it happens to be in Cork, create an account and pm me. Think your attitude seriously needs an overhaul but you prob just need someone to talk to so i'm here if ya want
Sarah

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

All your problems point to one thing, your seriously bad attitude towards everything. It seems like you still have teenager angst, "Fcuk them and their law" sort of attitude...

Managers don't randomly shout at you for no reason. I am sure there is more to the story than that.

Are you not interested in anything at all?

I know plenty of people who don't drink, smoke or take drugs that go out with s to the pubs and clubs. I know for certain that there is not an abundance of friendly people living under your bed.

I don't think you want help, but you want someone to come along and do everything for you. Life is what you make it...

John Mason

i think you go and talk to some one professionally tbh

jim o doom

well my 2 cents are; sounds like it's been pretty tough so far - I am an optimist and generally good mooded so it's hard to empathise - I see a lot of people going on about your attitude & whatever, but how easy is it to modify how you actually feel? Not easy at all..

You could try 1 on 1 with a mental doc - I did that after losing my ma (only long term depression in my life) & it definitely helped.

This is a little frivilous piece of advice but; I know you don't drink or get high or whatever - but you could always give that a chance as well - admittedly with proper depression it could really go wrong that way - but a few pints with people really helps loosen the tongue & lubricates the odd friendship machine together.

Other than that, I reckon you should leave the girlfriend - the fact that you have one shows you are willing to make an effort & you want to change your life which is clear from your post.

You could try joining a club of some sort; I'm in a kenpo club & have made good friends with many of the members & instructors down the years..
any physical or interest activity you do will mean you meet up with like minded people so give that a try!

Faith

Would you go back to school and do your leaving cert? These days, you're going to be hard pushed to find any sort of job that you'll be interested in without having done it. I'm finishing up a BSc and constantly getting told that I won't get much work if I don't do further study afterwards.

Alternatively, like has been mentioned before, if you have a hidden entrepreneurial streak, you could try starting your own business like your brother did. In terms of employment though, I'd really recommend furthering your education unless you fancy working crap jobs forever. You could enter a trade or something?

Secondly, get out there into the world and meet some people! Just because you don't drink doesn't mean that you can't go to pubs. Play sports. Do anything physical. That gives you a natural mood boost in itself. It's also a great way to meet people.

Faith

Faith wrote: »

I'd really recommend furthering your education unless you fancy working crap jobs forever. You could enter a trade or something?

Not true, you don't need your leaving cert to get a good job, I earn more money than any one I know of the same age and I never got past 5th year.....
You need to work hard, yeh, you might have to start off slow but there's no reason why you can't get on in life without going back to school, that said, I would never recommend anyone leave school early or discourage anyone from going back, but the fact is that you will not be stuck in crap jobs just because you didn't do your leaving.

Bill cullen would have a few words to say about that

Loose Lips

long story wrote: »

Please don't reply with "well go to the doctor" or "well go to Retards anonymous" etc. as the chances of me actually going out and talking to a group of strangers about any problem i may have is hugely unlikely.

Depression is a disease like any other one. It is also a potentially fatal disease if you don't treat it. But there are treatments for it. And those treatments can cure it. So, whether you want to hear it or not, you have to go and get treatment. Take it from me.

Faith

Deleted User wrote: »

Not true, you don't need your leaving cert to get a good job, I earn more money than any one I know of the same age and I never got past 5th year.....
You need to work hard, yeh, you might have to start off slow but there's no reason why you can't get on in life without going back to school, that said, I would never recommend anyone leave school early or discourage anyone from going back, but the fact is that you will not be stuck in crap jobs just because you didn't do your leaving.

Bill cullen would have a few words to say about that

Oh without a doubt some of the richest people in the world dropped out of school at a very young age. It's not a hindrance if you have the drive to go out and work your ass off to make money. But from reading the OPs post, I didn't get that drive from it. I may well be wrong though, and that would be great.

STUBBORNGIRL

Levi Famous Finger wrote: »

Managers don't randomly shout at you for no reason. I am sure there is more to the story than that. ...

you have obviously not worked for dunnes Stores - Op i totally relate to your story about working in Dunnes - The management are horrendous!No respect for anybody! im a manager now and Dunnes did me a favour because now i know what NOT to do!!! If they get a set on you they just make your life a misery in there til you are forced to leave - have seen it happen to lots of people i know! I sometimes wish i could come back and be their boss for a day and treat them with the respect they treated others with!! Will never happen cause i wouldnt wish that on myself!!

Levi Famous Finger wrote: »

I don't think you want help, but you want someone to come along and do everything for you. Life is what you make it...

i think that this is a very unfair assumption! Levi Famous Finger some people are jsut introvert and OP i think with jsut writing your post you must have some relief! GEtting things down on paper can be a great stress remedy!

I feel for you cause, i havent experienced what you are experiencing full time but i do have the odd occasion whereby i think "where is this all going, how is live so cruel?"- i then realise that i have two choices - i can let these negative begrudgedary feelings take over my life or i can fight them and aim for the best life i can give myself! I CHOSE OPTION 2 and i suggest you do too!! WE only get one chance in this life and i have so many regrets of the things i never did when i was younger that i grab every opportunity that comes my way now!

Can i suggest you find a field (career)that excites you - something that you are good at and try that! Everyone has ambitions and goals but sometimes they seem so hard to achieve - if you tackle them piece by piece they wont seem so tough, and you will eventually get there

I wish you the best of luck and please remember that you are not alone - there are always people there to talk to! The samaritans can give great advice to you - why dont you ring them for an annonymous talk!

Chin up - this could be the start of your life

BroomBurner

I'm going to agree with the other posters on furthering your career. First off, finish your leaving cert. I think you may have a problem with actually finishing things. Some people do, but you just have to keep on going, through all the crappy bits for the reward at the end.

If you're not interested in that, then maybe emigrate. Save some money and at least go travelling, maybe around South America, India or Africa or somewhere where you can gain a different perspective on life and learn that no matter how bad things are for you, they are worse for someone else.

In the short-term, try doing some volunteer work. It will make you, and others, feel good and you can not only make friends that way, but if you meet someone new, at least you will have a conversational piece that is positive. FYI, women are more often than not attracted to men with a positive outlook and with interesting things to say (that aren't all about themselves).

Finally, on the girlfriend. As everyone else has said, let her down gently but definitely let her down. Just think of doing it as like ripping a plaster off - short sharp pain, but it'll heal.

McGinty

Hi Op

I have as a customer seen managers bully the staff in Dunnes stores and have heard of their reputation so you were unlucky there. For a long time I suffered depression and negative thinking, I personally had to go to counselling to deal with the issues, for me it was the only thing that worked, but since then I do have a few tools that I use to deal with my depression, which is sporadic, short lived but probably here to stay with me.

For a start I believe in doing (as much as possible) things that I enjoy, from work, to hobbies, to being with people I like and whose company I enjoy. I have learned that these things don't come to you, you have to go out there and grab them. I was unemployed for a year, many years back because I was sacked (the only time) from a job due to me being unsuitable, my confidence was severly knocked and I was in abusive relationship so emotionally I was a mess, I suffered panic attacks and agraphobia for that year but I forced myself to do voluntary work in Oxfam and sign up for a course in computers. I walked in sweating, my heart in my mouth and thought I was going to die with anxiety. I have continued to push myself in spite of anxiety, and yes it is very, very hard but worth it. See you start to feel good about yourself because you achieve something. So I would urge you to consider what you would like to do career wise, someone suggested a career guidance counsellor and they are a great help, you can contact your local VEC centre for contact details of them.

I would end the relationship with your girlfriend, being a fake in your emotions will damage your self esteem and it is very, very unfair to her. I would let her down gently but truthfully, something along the lines of you are a kind person but I need to be alone now and need to end the relationship. You are not responsible for her happiness, only your own. As for the negative way of looking at life, again, if you could try and see the positives in life, such as health, or family or even a sunny day. I have often felt in the pits of depression but I will say thank you at least once (even though I don't feel it) and my depressions don't last as long.

Look at hobbies, there is a forum here on boards for non drinkers, unlike someone's suggestion don't take up drinking or drugs, they are a nightmare for depression, look at night classes such as creative writing, painting or something like that. I think when we are creative it gives meaning to life, so do something creative. Like you I used to often think is this it? The answer is it doesn't have to be, you are the creator of your life so go out there and create it, do it in small chunks or huge strides but keep going and just keep checking do you enjoy it, is it fun and remember, in spite of depression or a bad day or bad stuff happening, life is not a drudgery, it is there to be enjoyed, you just need to open your eyes to it. Good luck

gubby

Ok op I am so mad at some of those comments some people have posted to you. I think you are fantastic! just the way you put all that together.. (no spelling errors that I could see) and much more articulate (is that correct spelling) than loads of supposed to be "smart" people who post here. You actually remind me very much of my own son who is also out of work at the moment and does not seem to know what he want to do.
You do have talent even if you dont know it. Some of the advice here is great.. like to get out and meet people.. join a club or such like. I am an old granny and I only recently start every day by saying to myself. "what you give out, you get back"
Be it positive attude or grumpy face. try smiling. No you wont look silly.
That really helps me to smile at people on the street and when you get one back its magic. the world had got so unfriendly.
I hope things get better for you. I would love to give you a big hug.
You didnt mention any other family except your brother. Does your mom know how you feel? perhaps you could talk to her. and as others have said.. please leave that girl down gently and stop saying you love her. Dont ever say that to anyone till its true and it will feel and sound geuine (see I cant spell either)
god bless

RossFixxxed

gubby wrote: »

Ok op I am so mad at some of those comments some people have posted to you. I

I'm sorry gubby, but the 'retards anonymous' comment and 'don't bother to tell me to go to doctor' thing is ridiculous. That's why I was harsh in my reply. He needs to cop on. It's a bad situation and we'll all help but he needs to open his mind up to ANY solution that will help.

And the 'retards' thing is just offensive to so many people who go for professional help. Someone with that attitude is bound to be miserable. And frankly that needs to improve or they can stay that way.

R

RubyXI

Hey OP. I read your post. I havent read all the other posts. I just wanted to say that i understand. I understand the social anxiety. I understand the depression. I understand the surreal feeling that you can't be bothered to do stuff even though part of you is crying out to have fun, friends and a life. It's a horrible feeling and its so hard to understand it yourself and even harder to try and describe it to others.

Pj!

You need to change things OP. As for the girl, respect her. I have a feeling if you split up with her you'd want her back after a few weeks, but I may be wrong.
Write down what you want in every part of life. Then list all the small steps you'd have to do to get those things.
Then do step 1...
(I should listen to my own advice sometimes!)

Sincho wrote: »

I don't know where you're living but if it happens to be in Cork, create an account and pm me. Think your attitude seriously needs an overhaul but you prob just need someone to talk to so i'm here if ya want
Sarah

Really nice offer Sarah.

gubby

Grin
If you're up against a brusier and you're getting knocked about --
Grin.

If you're feeling pretty groggy, and you're licked beyond a doubt --
Grin.

Don't let him see you're funking, let him know with every clout,
Though your face is battered to a pup, your blooming heart is stout;
Just stand upon your pins until the beggar knocks you out --
And grin.

This life's a bally battle, and the same advice holds true
Of grin.

If you're up against it badly, then it's only one on you,
So grin.

If the future's black as thunder, don't let people see you're blue;
Just cultivate a cast-ron smile of joy the whole day through;
If they call you"Little Sunshine," wish that they'd no troubles too --
You may -- grin.

Rise up in the morning with the will that, smooth or rough,
You'll grin.

Sink to sleep at midnight, and although you're feeling tough,
Yet grin.

There's nothing gained by whining, and you're not that kind of stuff;
You're a fighter from way back, and you won't take a rebuff;
Your trouble is that you don't know when you have had enough --
Don't give in.

If Fate should down you, just get and take another cuff;
You bank on it that there is no philosophy like bluff,
And grin.

line image

RossFixxxed

RossFixxxed wrote: »

I'm sorry gubby, but the 'retards anonymous' comment and 'don't bother to tell me to go to doctor' thing is ridiculous. That's why I was harsh in my reply. He needs to cop on. It's a bad situation and we'll all help but he needs to open his mind up to ANY solution that will help.

And the 'retards' thing is just offensive to so many people who go for professional help. Someone with that attitude is bound to be miserable. And frankly that needs to improve or they can stay that way.

R

I honestly think that he expected us to think that he is only suited to "retards anonymous" i don't think he was being offensive at all, just hoping that people wouldn't think of him that way....

Karen_*

I think that someone who comes and tells a sad tale and ends by closing the door on all advice he may be given can be accused quite rightly of having a bad attitude. As the title of the thread suggests, he'd agree with that himself.

He knows he needs to cop on and is unwilling to go to the doctor or to retards anonymous. Whoever they are. Obviously people the OP looks down on anyway. Probably people who go and get help and actually try to do something about their problems.

I would suggest that instead of hoping that people will give a magical solution to the pit he has got himself into that maybe treating other people how he'd like to be treated (i.e the girlfriend, employers etc) and going to a counsellor would be very good places to start. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

LegacyUser

Another long post

RossFixxxed wrote: »

I'm sorry gubby, but the 'retards anonymous' comment and 'don't bother to tell me to go to doctor' thing is ridiculous.

The retards comment was sarcasm. I'm sorry you took it so seriously. I'm not exactly sure what group I'd fall into, but i won't be going to see a group of anyone regardless.


(and for the record, I think that people spending time with other people (in groups, etc.) is great and I respect anyone that can sit down and talk face to face with someone ant try to sympathise with their problems. I can only imagine how stressful and annoying it would be having to deal with other peoples' issues all the time. However, some people are happy to go to groups for self-assessment and help.. other people aren't so willing. I'm the latter).

Burial wrote: »

Make an account on boards, and goto the one of the meet-up things, and if thats not what you like organise something on boards yourself and who knows what random crazy strangers you'd meet!

I have an account. I post quite often as KKV (usually in the wrestling section, sometimes here and sometimes after hours. Although my account was used by another person a few times, too, so not all the posts on it were actually made by me. Although im currently the only person who uses this account and will not share it again). Just didn't want this post attached to my actual account at all (the friend i mention also has an account here. I'd rather he didn't accidentally find this, and i doubt he visits this part of the forum much. Usually just stay in the Pro-Wrestling forum)


As for the boards thing... I'd rather not meet up with a bunch of crazy strangers, most of whom are likely to know each other already and fall into their own little groups.

karen3212 wrote: »

Do you feel you could talk to your brother, especially about the anxious part of your work at the present?

No. I once mentioned the words "social anxiety" and was given a look of disgust and told "thats a cop out". I remember many years ago he was once drunk and talking about life in general. He mentioned that he didn't really want a brother that was a weirdo who never went out. He said it in a friendly-ish kinda way, and wasn't trying to attack me or anything when he said it. He's most likely forgotten about it by now. I haven't.

Karen_* wrote: »

Let go of the girlfriend as she deserves to be with someone who loves her back.

I agree with this. But i just feel horrible at the thoughts of it. We've known each other for a while (i cant actually remember how we met to be honest, but it wasn't the dunnes girl as someone previously mentioned).


She had a rough time before and i tried to be as nice as i could to her. She told me how much she 'loved me' and i just felt so sorry for her. She keeps texting me saying she loves me and all that malarky and I just can't bare to think of the thoughts of how hard it will be to let her down about it.

unhappycamper wrote: »

Sounds fairly miserable alright.. go to Easons on O'Conell st pick up a copy of Duncan Banatines book, he is your man from the dragons den. Inspiring read. Basically use you **** job to raise 2 grand and start your own business, imagination and positive mental thinking is the key for you to get out of that rut your in and become a somebody. You sound like you are full of low self esteem my friend. Your past is what it is but you can change the future. Look at what you can sell that know-one else is selling and start small, one day you might be surprised by just how good a person you really are.


Slan

I actually wrote up a business plan for a shop before. Im in Louth (Drogheda) but the expense involved in opening anything in this town is insane. The only decent place you could do anything (and survive) would be scotch hall shopping centre, but they want a kidney before they'll even consider letting you near getting in.

Deleted User wrote: »

Ok guys, stop giving this lad a hard time, he has come looking for advise and the first thing you do is sa get off your lazy arse and the like.

I've no problem with people giving me a hard time. If its how they honestly feel, then I'm all for it, I guess.

Deleted User wrote:

Long story, I really do sympathise with you, and yes, the easiest thing is to say, see a doctor, but I never did, I still cancel appointments the day before cos I'm scared. You need to take it step by step, start by going for a walk every day, listening to upbeat music

Before i got the job, I used to go for a random walk at about 3am-4am When the town is empty. It was my way of getting out of the house for some fresh air and not having the worry of people.

Sincho wrote: »

I don't know where you're living but if it happens to be in Cork, create an account and pm me. Think your attitude seriously needs an overhaul but you prob just need someone to talk to so i'm here if ya want
Sarah

I live in Louth, as i say above and post here as KKV. I do appreciate the offer though. Very generous of you.

Thanks anyway.

Levi Famous Finger wrote: »

All your problems point to one thing, your seriously bad attitude towards everything. It seems like you still have teenager angst, "Fcuk them and their law" sort of attitude...

Not particularly. Its not that I'm trying to be a rebel or be defiant, so I can be viewed as being cool or anything.

Levi Famous Finger wrote:

Are you not interested in anything at all?

I am a huge WWE fan (Professional Wrestling) but people who are proper fans are far and few between. Even when you do meet a fan, you often run the chance that they think the sport is a legit sport (as opposed to predetermined), so it makes conversation incredibly difficult.

Other than that i could say i have no real interests. Which makes general conversation tough.

Levi Famous Finger wrote:

I know plenty of people who don't drink, smoke or take drugs that go out with s to the pubs and clubs.

But I don't really have any friends to go there with. Plus the huge un-comfortableness that I get from being around many people I'm not familiar with. I just have no reason or interest in that part of society. When i think pub/club i think of random people falling out of pubs pissed, vomiting on the street, not knowing what they're doing and starting arguments with themselves and others for no reason. I don't ever want to be a part of, or associated with, that lifestyle.

Faith wrote: »

Play sports. Do anything physical. That gives you a natural mood boost in itself. It's also a great way to meet people.

I'm not exactly the most physically fit person in the world (far from it), so i think that would just fall under embarrassing, to be honest.

STUBBORNGIRL wrote:

Can i suggest you find a field (career)that excites you - something that you are good at and try that!

I seem to be very limited in things im good at (except moaning and whining, apparently). I had a brief interest in... erm... Sound production? I can't think of the proper name at the moment, but its something like that. Anyway, i went to FAS, they told me the usual mumbo jumbo (where they try to put you on every course except the one you want) and eventually i got put down to do it. The course never happened though.

Mcginty wrote:

there is a forum here on boards for non drinkers

I'm aware of that. Although its a pretty nice board, and very thoughtful for the non-drinkers out there, It doesn't really help or hinder me at all.

gubby wrote: »

Ok op I am so mad at some of those comments some people have posted to you. [.quote]


I wouldn't worry about it. Its the internet, after all.

gubby wrote:

You didnt mention any other family except your brother. Does your mom know how you feel? perhaps you could talk to her.

I didn't mention other family because they're pretty irrelevant.

Mam and Dad had many arguments and divorced when i was pretty young. My mam never really cared. I used to visit her up until i was about 14 or 15 and lost interest. She has very little interest in us. She has dogs/cats/horses and they get better treatment. I just no longer care for her anymore.


My dad is great but annoying at the same time. He's an alcoholic, but not the stereotypical violent, family beating alcoholic. He's a great guy and we get on great. However, he seems to think im still 8. When i got the job, for example, he started acting the bollocks and doing prolonged "yay"'s. The kind of thing you'd do when your 5 year old son passes a test in school. I hate it when he does it. Aside from that he tends to listen to music loudly when drunk, so i find it very embarrassing to have anyone near the house at those times (which are quite often). He's the sole reason i will never drink. Ever.



My older sister is a waste of space drug addict who tried to kill my dad on several occasions. She overdosed three times in her bedroom in the house (leaving me to find her and have to ring an ambulance, etc. etc.). She is the kinda person who thinks that the entire world revolves directly around her and everyone else should bust their balls to please her. She's a waste of time and probably the only person in the world i legitimately hate. She still comes to the house every week or so. She has a daughter now and uses that for sympathy.


My younger brother is a step-brother who lives elsewhere that i see on the weekends. Doesn't really relate to me in a positive or negative light regarding this thread. He's 11.


So thats my family. My brother (the one i mention in the original post, my older one) is the only one that i felt was worth including as he seems to be the only one related to the thread at all.

Rossfixxed wrote:

I'm sorry gubby, but the 'retards anonymous' comment and 'don't bother to tell me to go to doctor' thing is ridiculous.

I mentioned both because the chances of me doing either are very slim. There's no point in having 6 pages of "go see a doctor" if i know i absolutely will not do it.

phi3 wrote: »

Hey OP. I read your post. I havent read all the other posts. I just wanted to say that i understand. I understand the social anxiety. I understand the depression. I understand the surreal feeling that you can't be bothered to do stuff even though part of you is crying out to have fun, friends and a life. It's a horrible feeling and its so hard to understand it yourself and even harder to try and describe it to others.

Thanks. But i hope you are ok. You don't seem to be on top of the world? (unless you mean you once felt like this and overcame it?)

Forky wrote:

You need to change things OP. As for the girl, respect her. I have a feeling if you split up with her you'd want her back after a few weeks, but I may be wrong.
Write down what you want in every part of life. Then list all the small steps you'd have to do to get those things.

Wanting her back when she's gone is probably likely i guess. Im currently forcing myself to stay with her because:

1) She might realise im not all she thinks i am

2) I might get to know her properly and really like her


But i dont know how likely either are.






I hope thats cleared up some of the more elaborate stuff?

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply, be it good, bad or indifferent.

RossFixxxed

I don't think you should initially be throwing yourself into a big setting up a business type thing. I think you should sort out yourself and the smaller things first. You do sound depressed, and I can relate to the anger / frustration to be honest.

You should talk to a GP initially and be open, it can't hurt. I KNOW you don't want to, and I know many similar people but keep your mind open, and you'll be glad you went, trust me on this. It seems difficult but it will pay off (even if it just shows you didn't have to go). Maybe look into taking up a very active sport (mountain biking is great for getting anger and stress out) look into insight meditation (ignore the hippies that talk about it). Start on yourself and build outwards.

Sorry if I took things out of context, I do know where your're coming from but sometimes you do need a bit of a harsh word and a push to get moving. I've done loads of times.

Good luck OP, fair play.

LegacyUser

OP... do you really think your family, apart from the brother, is entirely irrelevant to the situation you find yourself in now? Seriously?

So your parents divorced when you were 14, you left school at 15 or 16 and had a succession of unsuitable jobs. Your dad is an alcoholic and you have a horror of the drink-related social scene - actually any social scene. Your mam has been distant and uninterested, and you have problems forming close relationships. Your sister has her own problems which in turn have caused stress, resentment and negativity in you and you don't believe in going and getting help from outside sources for your problems. Your brother expressed concern (ok, in a roundabout or tactless way) about your wellbeing and you felt attacked and belittled.

Look I know you didn't ask for pop psychology but just maybe there is a connection between your experiences - including those from earlier in your life which were in no way your fault and out of your control - and your feeling now of not living the completely fulfilled life you could be living.

I'm not saying that speaking to your GP or a counsellor (1 to 1, not retards anonymous) would be a magic bullet either but it would be a start at taking your life into your own hands and deciding that you are allowed be happy and are taking gradual steps to get there.

For the record, I thought your post was articulate, well-written, with a certain amount of thoughtfulness and insight - although the said negativity came through a bit more in the second one... But basically you come across to me as someone with lots to offer the world, but who just might need a bit of help putting yourself out there. But you have to ask for the help and you shall receive!