Can attraction grow?

Do you think that physical chemistry is either there or it just isn't.
Or can it grow?

How much effort are you willing to put into something while your not sure about the chemistry?

Piste

If there's absolutely nothing there in the beginning than I don't think anything can come from it.

If there's just a small spark it can develop into a much bigger fire- it just needs fuel.

nomorebadtown

she hasnt changed at all but in purely physical terms i fancy my gf WAY more now than i did when we first met.

G86

Me and Clarebear were chatting about this the other day. I think its different for different people. Usually I'd know straight away if theres anything there, whereas some people like to give it time and see how it goes. I think your own history has alot to do with it too, like if you have an ex on your mind it could be stopping you giving someone else a chance, and in that case sometimes its a good idea to wait it out and see how you feel further down the line.

GirlInterrupted

Moonbaby wrote: »

Do you think that physical chemistry is either there or it just isn't.
Or can it grow?

How much effort are you willing to put into something while your not sure about the chemistry?

You can start to find someone attractive after getting to know and like them. Its easier if there's a spark to begin with though..

Pen1987

I used to despise one of my ex's before we got together. So Id have to say firmly... yes.

Gibbins123

If your with someone and your unsure, and your hoping it will grow... put a deadline on it, say 2 months max.

If chemistry hasn't grown within 2 months then move on.

I think sometimes you know straight away, like if they are just gorgeous, and there is an immediate attraction.

But other times it might take a couple of dates before you realise how nice they are. It might be just when you get to know their personality that you decide that his big ears are actually really cute!

(big ears or whatever it is that makes him different/unique)

Zaph

Piste wrote: »

If there's absolutely nothing there in the beginning than I don't think anything can come from it.

If there's just a small spark it can develop into a much bigger fire- it just needs fuel.

I agree. I tried the internet dating thing about 4 or 5 years ago. I went out with one girl and it was quite clear that she'd like to take things a bit further. Now in her defence I have to say that she wasn't bad looking and was an absolute sweetheart, but I just didn't feel any physical attraction towards her. She sent me an e-mail a couple of days later almost apologising for "not living up to my expectations", as she put it, which made me feel really bad, but as the attraction wasn't there, there would have been no point in wasting either her time or mine.

LightningBolt

I think it can and it can't. Like for instance if you're not into someone that ain't going to change at all. But if you see someone that you say to yourself "she's nice looking" and after going up to talk to her you find out you get on really well then definitely yes. For instance there was a girl a while back I met who I liked, after talking to her and getting to know her better I was attracted to her a lot more.

Boston

You can feel nothing towards someone for years and then you change or they change and suddenly you see something in them that you never saw before and thats the spark which starts the attraction. In the exact same way, something which was their can fade away and then one day you just feel nothing.

Either way, is not something you can force. You can simply will yourself to find someone attractive or have them find you attractive.

brianthebard

Yea it can absolutely,i was friends with my ex for ages and wasn't interested in her for a long time but the more i got to like her the more i fancied her as well.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Piste wrote: »

If there's absolutely nothing there in the beginning than I don't think anything can come from it.

If there's just a small spark it can develop into a much bigger fire- it just needs fuel.

Definatly agree

Kotick

You must have heard the expression, "love is blind."

Of course attraction can grow, or you become blind, whatever.

HoLLLLLaments

twice on thursday

Black Swan

Physical chemistry before I really get to know them? Love at first sight is terribly overrated. It should be renamed lust at first sight.

Sure, being physically attracted is indeed important, but sometimes someone you are at first not lustful about, becomes that way when you get to know them. And if what they have inside is grand and they share that with you overtime, you might even move from lust to love.

stovelid

It's always mortifying if your attraction grows somewhere in public, like on the bus.

metaoblivia

For me, there has to be some kind of potential for attraction initially. If I don't find someone attractive at all, it won't happen down the road. There have been cases where I've met a guy, thought he was attractive, even though I wasn't attracted to him at the time, and later on became attracted. I don't know if I explained that well...

Dragan

metaoblivia wrote: »

For me, there has to be some kind of potential for attraction initially. If I don't find someone attractive at all, it won't happen down the road. There have been cases where I've met a guy, thought he was attractive, even though I wasn't attracted to him at the time, and later on became attracted. I don't know if I explained that well...

I think you are talking about the difference between looking at someone and liking the way they are put together vs then finding yourself attracted to the small mannerism and physicalities that make up the person?

I mean, it's possible to look at someone and find them good looking but not attractive.

metaoblivia

Dragan wrote: »

I think you are talking about the difference between looking at someone and liking the way they are put together vs then finding yourself attracted to the small mannerism and physicalities that make up the person?

I mean, it's possible to look at someone and find them good looking but not attractive.

Yes, exactly! Leave it to Dragan to sort me out

LolaDub

I'd say it can definitely grow. To be honest when i think back on my 'good' boyfriends i don't think there was much of a spark from my side in the beginning but it grew into something else. Now if its was a spark that grew or i just got used to them i'm not quite sure

trio

OP, it depends on what situation you're talking about, because I think that there are two situations where this can occur and we're getting confused cos we don't know which scenario you mean.

1) If you're just pals, and have never seen each other in a romantic way. Then physical attraction can certainly grow out of seemingly nothing, just because you get along so well and you start to notice the little physical things about the other person. Like "Woah, he/she has a lovely arse - how did I never notice that before??" As someone who is now in a long term relationship with an old pal who I never remotely noticed in a physical way for years and years - it can certainly happen.

2) You're already in a physical relationship, but you're not sure that you really fancy them. Then, as another poster said, I'd give it about 2 months of snogging and/or shagging before doing anything hasty. Certainly I wouldn't end the relationship if it's a new one - many relationships start out physically awkward because you're a bit shy with one another and you're not letting yourself go. BUT, if after 2 months you still don't fancy them? Then you're just beating a dead horse and wasting your own time. And it's certainly not fair to them.

star-pants

Hmmm to me, if there's not something there at the start, there most likely won't be ever (that's just me).
That's not to say that people can't grow on you more, the other person can become more and more attractive (physically/personality etc wise) the more you know them/the closer you get, but that's kind of normal. There has to be an initial spark, if there's not, then I know there's nothing in it for me (as a relationship, doesn't mean you can't be friends).
If I didn't feel a spark, I wouldn't continue. (again just me)

Moonspell

I agree with Star-pants... speaking of a personal point of view, I need to feel some kind of attraction, might not even on a physical level, but for me there is usually something there that calls my attention.

Doesn't necessarily mean it will grow in to a relationship, but it certainly help.

Peared

Absolutely it can.

Also it can lessen, especially if somebody really good looking turns out to be a d1ckhead.