A guys question...how to say no?!

Cianos · 21-09-2008 2:37am #1

Just wanted to ask ye folk for a bit of advice. I was at a party tonight, and was talking to a girl for a few minutes who I felt was giving me the signals. I had my eye on another girl, so I made my excuses to get out of the conversation and left the room. As she was leaving, the girl I was talking to asked me would I like to meet for coffee...which brings up the piont of my first question...I said 'yeah sure', and then told her I didn't have my mobile on me, and she said she had hers so I went ahead and gave her my number, and she said goodbye and kissed me on the cheek before leaving the party.

To be honest, she did seem like a nice girl and everything, but I don't have much interest. So should I have stopped the whole thing when she asked did I want to meet for coffee, and just said 'no' there and then? And, if she calls or texts, how should I say no without hurting her feelings so much?

I definitely think the worst thing I could do is actually meet up with her just to be nice:o

LolaLuv · 21-09-2008 3:36am

Could you meet up with her and make it tactfully clear that you're only interested in friendship? Coffee is pretty casual, are you sure it's a date?

It is sort of an awkward situation, though. You could be an ass and just keep ignoring her calls!:pac:

Black Swan · 21-09-2008 4:42am

Maybe she wants to sell you Tupperware?

LolaLuv · 21-09-2008 5:24am

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Maybe she wants to sell you Tupperware?

Roffles!! :pac:

tman · 21-09-2008 5:52am

Just say that you're only looking for no strings sex at the moment.
You'll either scare her off or get laid, win win!

wyndham · 21-09-2008 7:24am

Fake Number ftw.

Kotick · 21-09-2008 7:56am

Hey who knows, she could make a pretty awesome friend. Just be clear about your intentions. No harm in having coffee and getting to know her.

Or just do what I do and never answer the phone when they call.

pow wow · 21-09-2008 9:38am

GF at home/gay as the day is long ftw

Zaph · 21-09-2008 10:46am

Meet up with her and ask her if she happens to have the number of the other girl you were interested in.

21-09-2008 11:15am

In future just be polite and straight.
I'd appreciate that.

LolaDub · 21-09-2008 12:36pm

If she texts/calls would you not just say you'd love to meet for coffee and a chat as friends/potential friends?

Maple · 21-09-2008 1:58pm

first off fair play to the girl for asking you for coffee. i like her style. she was straight up and didn't hide behind any of this my friend likes your friend bull****. therefore imo i think you should be as straight with her, either meet her for coffee and explain straight off that you have no intention of pursuing anything romantic with her or if she calls just tell her there and then that you don't want to because of aforementioned lack of interest.

Piste · 21-09-2008 2:03pm

Eep, if this girl is in to you she'll think she's got herself a date and you're obviously in to her.

Since she kissed your cheek after only meeting you that night I think that means she's in to you.

So meet her for coffee, but make it obvious that you just want to be friends. She might be a bit hurt that you don't feel the same way about her as she does about you, but she may be flattered that you like her enough to get to know her better.

AlanSparrowhawk · 21-09-2008 2:04pm

yeah what maple said. if you knock her back she's not going to ask another guy out ever again. IF she calls you and asks you out give it a shot sure. if she seems like a pathetic mentaler do a legger though.

21-09-2008 2:06pm

Piste wrote: »

Since she kissed your cheek after only meeting you that night I think that means she's in to you.

Maybe not, she is probably not Irish as he is in Berlin.
Coffee and a kiss on the cheek can be just friends to lots of cultures.

Piste · 21-09-2008 2:07pm

Oooh I assumed he was in Ireland!

Never mind that so, happens all the time in France/Germany, nothing out of the ordinary!

21-09-2008 2:09pm

Defo go and meet her. She could be extremely kinky(whips,dungeons etc) and you could be missing out on some hardcore action.

Or maybe she only wants a coffee and a chat....:eek:

nomorebadtown · 21-09-2008 2:49pm

why do guys have to ask for a tactful gentle way to say no to a girl? when the situation is reversed, its a swift knee in the nads for the sleezy minger with the optional addition of pepper spray.

Cianos · 21-09-2008 4:04pm

Well spotted that I'm in Berlin

But in saying that, hardly anyone here does the whole cheek kissing thing. Nah, she was definitely interested, she approached me in the corridor as she was leaving, and we weren't talking long enough beforehand to go beyond general introductory topics, so it wasn't a 'let's follow up this conversation some other time' proposition.

I've no interest in being her friend, I have had enough hassle with those kind of relationships. If I knew she was definitely not interested, then maybe. But knowing that she is interested I don't want to meet with her just for friendships sake. Cold maybe, but it's better for everyone in the long run.

AlanSparrowhawk · 21-09-2008 5:30pm

is she bet or what?

Cianos · 21-09-2008 5:37pm

5/10 or thereabouts

21-09-2008 5:57pm

Cianos wrote: »

5/10 or thereabouts

And what are you?

LightningBolt · 21-09-2008 6:08pm

She's either a one or a two. In your case she's a 1. None of this she's a 6/7/8 ****e:D

LolaLuv · 21-09-2008 8:41pm

AlanSparrowhawk wrote: »

is she bet or what?

What's bet?

21-09-2008 8:46pm

PillyPen wrote: »

What's bet?

It is play on beat. As in worn out and dog earred looking.

Cianos · 22-09-2008 7:59am

Moonbaby wrote: »

And what are you?

I'm a 1/10, but I'm an ambitious guy

22-09-2008 8:40am

Cianos wrote: »

I'm a 1/10, but I'm an ambitious guy

So whereabouts on the scale should a woman expect to be to pull an ambitious 1?

Curvy Vixen · 22-09-2008 9:10am

We have a million threads on here from the ladies asking about why did he take my number and not call/do you think he's not interested cos he hasn't contacted me blah, blah.

Tbh you shold have said thanks but no thanks straight away.

Now that you haven't done that, I'd send her a text and say that on reflection you don't think it would be a good idea but thanks for the offer!

Not enough honesty in the world today, hence nobody knows their arse from their elbows!!!

Wibbs · 22-09-2008 9:48am

LightningBolt wrote: »

She's either a one or a two. In your case she's a 1. None of this she's a 6/7/8 ****e:D

Sounds about right...

Look, does she float your boat? Apparently not. You reckon you float hers, but that remains to be seen, though the coffee invite would bolster that. Go along and see what's what. If you're a 1 outa 10(though I suspect that's false modesty and you reckon you're a 6;)) and she's better than you then you never know. Sparks may fly on second meeting. Backing out is not an option as that would make you a coward. Go and see, but if she gets amorous then don't respond to that.

Cianos · 22-09-2008 10:16am

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

We have a million threads on here from the ladies asking about why did he take my number and not call/do you think he's not interested cos he hasn't contacted me blah, blah.

Tbh you shold have said thanks but no thanks straight away.

Now that you haven't done that, I'd send her a text and say that on reflection you don't think it would be a good idea but thanks for the offer!

Not enough honesty in the world today, hence nobody knows their arse from their elbows!!!

You have a point, but if I didn't care about the girls feelings I would have said straight out 'no'...but I didn't want to embarrass her or make her feel like sh!t, so I gave her my number.

This was the whole point of me starting the thread...what is the best way to reject someone basically.

22-09-2008 10:27am

To be fair I think it is a good question, as it is much harder for men to reject women.
They tend to be caught on the hop, as they don't get as much practice in this situation. And there is perhaps a perception that we are less robust when it comes to handling rejection.

As a woman I've never wasted more than ten minutes worrying about someones feelings after I rejected them. Even the criers.

I think it is much kinder to be straightforward.

Curvy Vixen · 22-09-2008 10:59am

Cianos wrote: »

You have a point, but if I didn't care about the girls feelings I would have said straight out 'no'...but I didn't want to embarrass her or make her feel like sh!t, so I gave her my number.

This was the whole point of me starting the thread...what is the best way to reject someone basically.

I understand that you do care but I think that in the long run, because you care, the best thing would have been to be honest. I'm not inside your head but to me something like 'Look we've had a great chat and you seem like a nice girl but I'd rather not start something my heart wouldn't be in, so I'd rather not swap numbers'. If someone said that to me I'd be upset for a few minutes but then sensibility would take over and I'd think fair play, at least you were honest.

And it'd save me telling all my mates that I'd met the man of my dreams, sitting re-running the night in intricate detail both in my head and verbally to my mates, driving them insane with 'how long before I text him/where will I suggest/what will I wear....' type questions and then 'what did I do wrong/am I too fat/too thin/too ugly/not funny enough....' dronings!

I'm probably not directing the second part of this post to you OP but to everyone (male and female!) who has not just been honest at the 'can I have your number?' part of the night!

AlanSparrowhawk · 22-09-2008 2:19pm

so basically cianos you're first reaction was "No, this isn't the girl I want to exclusively have sex with for the rest of my life" therefore there's no point in meeting up with her for a coffee. I'd say meet up, see if it's fun or worth repeating. It probably won't be basically because you don't fancy her. But you never know. One date isn't being cruel and unfairly leading her on.

mac_attack · 22-09-2008 9:07pm

If worse comes to worse tell her you are gay.

I will prob get in trouble for saying that haha

A guys question...how to say no?!

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