BF bad behaviour Opinions needed please.....

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one....

So i'm seeing this guy for almost a year, things were pretty good at the start (as all relationships are!) we haven't exactly been living the dream over the last few weeks with a lot of fighting and bickering about little things. So last night we had yet another fight and i asked him to leave, he got very upset but left, a couple of mins later there's a knock on my door, he's outside. I open the door but not fully as i had just asked him to leave and didn't want him back him as i thought we both needed to cool off.

So basically he pushed the door in on top of me, i tried to push him out but he's a lot stronger than me, he pushed me out of the way very roughly and said he wasn't leaving as he wanted to talk. At this point i was actually scared he was going to hurt me and was pretty stressed out by it all (obviously).

After a lot of shouting and me telling him to leave, he did. He rang later crying and saying he was sorry and he wanted us to sort things out.

I'd just like to hear other peoples opinion on this situation, do ye think if i took him back that this pushing around is the start of something a lot more serious.... He seemed sorry on the phone, but isn't every woman-beater afterwards???

GeorgeCostanza

Unreg Today wrote: »

He seemed sorry on the phone, but isn't every woman-beater afterwards???

Woman-beater?? I think you're just sliiightly over-reacting here. In the heat of an argument, he pushed past you at the door, so now he's a woman-beater? Then you call on a group of strangers on an internet forum to condemn this poor chap based on your extremely limited information.

I can't think why this poor chap is persevering with you, to be honest.

jackdaw

Well if you felt threatened .. that in itself is enough to worry...

but he hasn't hit you yet... you need to make it clear to him that
you felt threatened & frightened by his behaviour ... and that it can't happen
again ..

I just think he deserves a chance since he didn't hit you ..

AngryBadger

Bit hard to call this one OP, I mean you say you're going out roughly a year, lot of arguing lately, and then you have a big row and ask him to leave. He comes back, pushes the door in, and pushes you out of the way...

Could be a violent streak there, or he could just have been genuinely upset and really wanted to talk to you. I mean what kind of argument were ye having? Were you screaming at him at the door? Was he shouting?

On the strength of what you've posted I'm inclined to say you're over-reacting. But you haven't given us much to go on either. Does he often blow up? Has this sort of thing happened before?

citeal

i'm not an expert so can only draw from one experience.


my ex started like this & ended up hitting me regularaly, then knocking me unconscious. I wish i'd left the first time he intimidated me physically.

Nevyn

So after leaving he decided he wasn't done and when you opened the door forced his way into your home and in the process shoved you with the door and then shoved you roughly out of the way, stated he wasn't leaving and made you feel unsafe and threathened in your own home.

I would have told him to leave, took my mobile, went to the bathroom, locked myself in and rang the garda and told them he had forced his way into your house and refused to leave.

That is unacceptable behaviour and abusive.

Now that being said I think the term wifebeater is muddying things and I am going to change the title of this thread.

I completely understand why you are concerned about his behaviour I think you are right to be so and get that your worry and fear is why you used that term and those fears come from his unacceptable behaviour.

neuro-praxis

Ok, I know anecdotal evidence isn't proof or anything, but actually your post did set some alarm bells ringing with me OP. My friend was in your position with a relationship going sour early on with very heated rows, and he forced his way into her flat by physically pushing the door in on her. This progressed over time to very abusive language to her (called her a stupid c*nt etc. which I find unbelievable in a relationship), and eventually he threw some things at her in a rage, and as the last straw, he punched her in the arm during a huge fight. She has since left him.

I think any kind of violent behaviour (even abusive language) needs to be nipped in the bud as it can escalate. It might not - but it might.

Just think carefully, and express clearly to him what behaviours you will and won't tolerate. You should never, ever feel afraid of your partner.

not yet

Yeah sure he must be a mass murderer. Ever heard of a little thing called emotions.........

If this guy slapped you I'd say get rid,but jesus christ he pushed the door in.

Nevyn

This is not a case of just pushing a door in.
He forced entry to her home which shows a huge lack of awareness and consideration
and crosses a line.

Now it could well be that they will address this issue of him making her feel threathened, scared and unsafe in her own home by someone she cares for and trusts ( which is never accpetable ) and what ever the other issues between them are but the first step is acknowledging that there is an issue, for both of them to take responsiblity for thier actions and the impact of those actions.

IF that can't be done then I can't see how the relationship can be mended and moved forward.

Zulu

It's a warning sign - but nothing more.
Calling him a wife beater is a massive leap.


Do you respect him?
Do you trust him??

junior_apollo

Ye were both in a heated argument as you said so emotions were high.. it sounds as though he left that get the better of him in his need to talk things through.. I wouldnt be jumping the gun and accusing this lad of abuse/wife-beating..

Talk to him and just explain that he frightened you and that if it was to happen again that you'd not answer the door to him anymore... but I wouldnt be jumping to conclusions about him just yet...

As is the case a lot of the time the person asking the other to leave shouts and pushes the person out the door... should they be wife/man-beater labeled?

Ive been on the other end of the stick where a gf became quite abusive, physically, verbally and mentally and I think if this sorta thing was gonna happen it would be extremely evident (to the point that you wouldnt need to ask on here if you should be worried... you'd know you should be worried)

Give him a chance (after explaining as said above...), talk it through... im sure he is genuinely sorry and work it out...

Worst case scenario... that doesnt work and you finish it...
But saying... your a wife-beater will deffinately ruin things before the talking...

not yet

The bottom line is he left.......ok, he came back the first time but he wanted to talk. If they are seeing each other for a year this guy may have felt that he could ''push'' his way in.

If she feels she's in any danger she should end it,but sound to me like over reaction.

themadchef

Unreg Today wrote: »

I'd just like to hear other peoples opinion on this situation, do ye think if i took him back that this pushing around is the start of something a lot more serious.... He seemed sorry on the phone, but isn't every woman-beater afterwards???

Ok first off pushing in the door doesnt make him a "woman beater" but you felt threathened so you have to ask yourself if you stay together will this become acceptable behaviour?. Will "bullying" become part of the relationship?
No relationship is perfect, but, no one should stay in a relationship with someone they feel threathened by in any way.

No one can tell you if that was a once off.... i suggest you talk to him about how youre feeling, and lay very clear boundaries if you decide to stay together.

Best of luck OP.

citeal

The OP states she was scared. This is not acceptable.

Although, I am probably not in the best situation to comment as when I was in a similar situation it all spiralled out of control.

OP, explain to your boyfriend how his actions made you feel. if he sees your point of view, give him another chance. If he refused to acknowledge it, leave.

cocoa

it's not ok to push in past someone when they don't want you to come in, plain and simple. If he can't get this simple fact, or more generally the fact that it's not ok for him to use the difference in strength between you two to make things go his way, then you have a big problem.

I know when I have a fight with someone, I feel crap and I never want to 'leave it that way' and it's really great when sometimes we stay talking and say sorry and work it out, but sometimes that's not going to work and you do both need to cool off (personally, I think it was very smart of you to want to stop the fight and cool off...) and if that's what you want, he needs to respect you and do that, even if he wants to keep talking.

He can ask you to keep talking, he can plead, he can text and he can call, but using the difference in strength between you is not ok, at all. I can see why you'd be worried this would progress to something worse, but even if not, it's not something you want happening at all.

metamorphic

leaving the big incident aside for a moment OP, you've said you've started bickering over small things lately. Are things on the rocks anyway? It can be fustrating for both parties to see things turn sour in a relationship.

Some people see the signs of a failing relationship and bailout.
Others feel it can be worked out and is worth doing so, and things do work out.
While others still hang in until there's nothing but murderous intent towards each other.

Of course we can't tell at this stage what the case is, only you know how it's been going and what the nature of your recent arguements are.

It could be a sign he really feels deeply about it to lose the head to that extent, or it could be that he's been keeping a lid on a temper that's only going to get worse. You've been going out with him a year, what does your gut tell you?

LegacyUser

Thanks all so much for reading my post and for ur opinions.

The fact remains, I was scared and frightened. I don't think it's acceptable for anyone to use their physical strength over anyone, it's wrong in my opinion. I posted here as i wanted to know if i was over-reacting or did others think it was not right, like i do.

I've never been physically pushed around before and was so shocked and surprised when it happened i didn't know what to do. I said he pushed the door in on top of me and also pushed me out of his way, forcing his way into my home. I did feel threatened and it did cross my mind to call the guards, but i didn't want to do that to him as i do care about him a great deal. I'm not looking for anyone to condem anyone, i just wanted to see did people think it was unacceptable behaviour too.

Burial

Unreg Today wrote: »

Going unreg for this one....

So i'm seeing this guy for almost a year, things were pretty good at the start (as all relationships are!) we haven't exactly been living the dream over the last few weeks with a lot of fighting and bickering about little things. So last night we had yet another fight and i asked him to leave, he got very upset but left, a couple of mins later there's a knock on my door, he's outside. I open the door but not fully as i had just asked him to leave and didn't want him back him as i thought we both needed to cool off.

So basically he pushed the door in on top of me, i tried to push him out but he's a lot stronger than me, he pushed me out of the way very roughly and said he wasn't leaving as he wanted to talk. At this point i was actually scared he was going to hurt me and was pretty stressed out by it all (obviously).

After a lot of shouting and me telling him to leave, he did. He rang later crying and saying he was sorry and he wanted us to sort things out.

I'd just like to hear other peoples opinion on this situation, do ye think if i took him back that this pushing around is the start of something a lot more serious.... He seemed sorry on the phone, but isn't every woman-beater afterwards???

I'm sorry, but what? He's a wife-beater for wanting to talk with you and to try and resolve the conflict ye have because he doesn't want to lose you... If I knew this guy I'd be telling him, you don't respect him or trust him after a year, and that your not worth it. However, if the door hit you in the face, I'd take a difference stance, however, I doubt it did because you neglected to mention it. I doubt you felt threatened by him but were upset he was trying to reason with you, when you didn't want to be reasoned with. However, I have to work on the one-sided information you provided. Granted, he did enter your home without your permission, but he left when you asked him to (first occation). He obviously felt it was better to get what he had to say sooner, rather than later. He knocked after a few minutes, and you opened the door. (Who else would it have been? I doubt it was a few minutes but maybe 30 secs to a minute.) He walked in. You only claimed pushing as he was walking in when you opened, you closed the door on him, and he stopped the door from hitting him. Please stop me when I'm wrong.

Tbh, all I'm getting from your post is that you want to break-up with this guy, and your asking us is it a good enough reason to give him? In my answer no. Just act mature, and tell him, you don't think it'll work because of all the bickering and fighting ye have been having. To tell him you think he's a wife-beater is just immature and over-the-top.

Thats enough of my speculation, that I thought I had to add, because your not sounding realistic here at all, just exagerating it.

Anyway advice time. If you think he's a wife-beater, break up with him.

Vegeta

Unreg Today wrote: »

So basically he pushed the door in on top of me, i tried to push him out but he's a lot stronger than me, he pushed me out of the way very roughly and said he wasn't leaving as he wanted to talk. At this point i was actually scared he was going to hurt me and was pretty stressed out by it all (obviously)

So you rang the gardai right or called a neighbour or called a friend or called a family member? If you honestly felt threatened you should have sought help.

Nevyn

There is such a things as shock at being in such a situation esp if a person has not been in simular before and is unsure of how to react, is scared and worried about making the situation worse.

neuro-praxis

Sounds like a lot of guys here think it's fine to force your way in the door to speak to your girlfriend just because you really want to?

Burial

Thaedydal wrote: »

There is such a things as shock at being in such a situation esp if a person has not been in simular before and is unsure of how to react, is scared and worried about making the situation worse.

Yes, but call me a skeptic when I say I doubt her story is 100% accurate. (I realise we'll neer get 100% accurate, but I'm doubting if this is even close to 50% accurate... It just sounds way too biased.) I think she knew she wasn't threatened/the situation didn't warrent others involvement.

Yes, she should feel threatened by a man entering her house forcibily, but a man enetering her house and refusing to leave with whom she had a years relationship with, is much, much different. I just doubt he did everything she says he did. And if he did, it doesn't sound as if she wants to be with him anyway, so my advice to her is still the same. She should end it with him. It's not a discussion on whether or not what he did was right or wrong. She already believes it to be wrong. (Title of the thread).

If we are now argueing about her actions and what he did was wrong, than yes. What he did was wrong. I'd regret doing that if it was me, but on the spirit of the moment I certainly wouldn't doubt that I'd do it and if someone else did it to me, I wouldn't class them as a wifebeater, let alone a wo/man beater. She knows him better than we'll ever know him, so if she thinks he could've lashed out, than we can't really say he wouldn't. In every situation we never do the best thing, we all react differently. She shouldn't be blamed/pestered/questioned for her actions.

GeorgeCostanza

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Sounds like a lot of guys here think it's fine to force your way in the door to speak to your girlfriend just because you really want to?

Sounds like a lot women making a mountain out of a molehill, screaming 'wife-beater' and assuming the worst of this poor sod.

My opinion? I think the OP needs to grow up, as do a lot of the contributors to this thread.

Burial

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Sounds like a lot of guys here think it's fine to force your way in the door to speak to your girlfriend just because you really want to?

Well, I'm a guy and I'm not justifing his actions. (How do you come to the conclusion guys support his actions and girls don't, when it's an anonymous board?) My biggest problem is that I doubt the guy is a "Wifebeater" as the op describes.. And I feel this thread isn't about how he enjoys beating women, but her trying to justify to other people that it's over. (Answering a phone call that night from someone you felt threatened by, to let him cry his guts out to you??)

neuro-praxis

GeorgeCostanza wrote: »

Sounds like a lot women making a mountain out of a molehill, screaming 'wife-beater' and assuming the worst of this poor sod.

My opinion? I think the OP needs to grow up, as do a lot of the contributors to this thread.

Do you think that abusive partners begin life by bashing hell out of their wives or girlfriends?

Of course not. It begins with abusive language, then escalates to forceful behaviour, which then becomes violent.

Now, nobody is saying this man is certain to become violent, but suffice to say, even in the heat of the moment, it was wrong of him to force his way in when she didn't want that.

If you think that verbal abuse and forceful behaviour are acceptable in what is supposed to be a loving relationship then you have a skewed view of what mature arguments look like. It might be you that needs to grow up.

Riche670

Sounds like you're crying out for justification and maybe a little attention.

The problem with this and the majority of threads on this board, is that you only get one side of the story.

What was the fight about? What provoked such a reaction from him?

You know him a year, so he's obviously not a complete loon. Something must have enraged him, what was it?

By no means am I condoning such actions (IF the actions unfolded as you described) but there's a whole other side to this story which would probably have a massive effect on people's opinions here, so knowing that... how could you honestly consider the advice being tendered?

GeorgeCostanza

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Do you think that abusive partners begin life by bashing hell out of their wives or girlfriends?

Of course not. It begins with abusive language, then escalates to forceful behaviour, which then becomes violent.

Now, nobody is saying this man is certain to become violent, but suffice to say, even in the heat of the moment, it was wrong of him to force his way in when she didn't want that.

If you think that verbal abuse and forceful behaviour are acceptable in what is supposed to be a loving relationship then you have a skewed view of what mature arguments look like. It might be you that needs to grow up.

It was an argument! He forced his way through the door to get his point across to his girlfriend. Unwarranted perhaps, but the OP has immaturely painted him as a "wife-beater" because of it. People like you have encouraged her, despite you not having a damn clue who this chap is and the circumstances surrounding the argument. Things are not always black and white.

hotlick

This guy is a bully and a loser, get rid of him quickly and have someone around when he takes all of his stuff with him. You are on a slippery slope with this man so get out when you can or you will end up another statistic of domestic violence and possibly even worse. I feel for you but you have to end this and nip it in the bud quickly.

neuro-praxis

GeorgeCostanza wrote: »

It was an argument! He forced his way through the door to get his point across to his girlfriend.

Let me be clear. You think that the above is acceptable because "it was an argument". I disagree.

Unwarranted perhaps, but the OP has immaturely painted him as a "wife-beater" because of it. People like you have encouraged her, despite you not having a damn clue who this chap is and the circumstances surrounding the argument.

I am not sure that you need to worry that his reputation has been tainted. This is after all, an anonymous internet board. And you're right, I haven't a clue who he is, or who she is for that matter, I just happen to think that forceful behaviour in a relationship is utterly unacceptable.

Things are not always black and white.

I couldn't agree more.

GeorgeCostanza

hotlick wrote: »

This guy is a bully and a loser, get rid of him quickly and have someone around when he takes all of his stuff with him. You are on a slippery slope with this man so get out when you can or you will end up another statistic of domestic violence and possibly even worse. I feel for you but you have to end this and nip it in the bud quickly.

Right. You were able to deduce this with the detailed information the OP provides. Would you like to see him burnt at the stake aswell? Maybe cut his manhood off too for good measure? That's the treatment bunny-boilers normally recommend for beasts such as the OP's boyfriend, isn't it?

Is everyone on this forum paranoid and neurotic?

I really think you people need to get some perspective on life, stop jumping to conclusions, stop condemning people you know very little about, and get a life.

Nevyn

Riche670 Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
IF you have an issue with the forum I suggest you use the feedback forum.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

So after leaving he decided he wasn't done and when you opened the door forced his way into your home and in the process shoved you with the door and then shoved you roughly out of the way, stated he wasn't leaving and made you feel unsafe and threathened in your own home.

I would have told him to leave, took my mobile, went to the bathroom, locked myself in and rang the garda and told them he had forced his way into your house and refused to leave.

That is unacceptable behaviour and abusive.

Now that being said I think the term wifebeater is muddying things and I am going to change the title of this thread.

I completely understand why you are concerned about his behaviour I think you are right to be so and get that your worry and fear is why you used that term and those fears come from his unacceptable behaviour.

Dear god, is that an honest response to the same post i just read? If thats the case, according to thaedydal the OP must have under-reacted and should be in a battered woman's shelter as we speak. Jesus christ, the guy was upset and wanted to sort out an argument and in a moment of emotion n frustration pushed his way passed you. If anything it shows his devotion to wanting to resolve the argument as oppose to threaten and bully you.
If she had called the gardai and the situation was explained, would she be happy for the gardai to drag her b/f away in handcuffs? if so I'm not sure she should be in the relationship at all. At worst she'll get in trouble for wasting the gardai's time with a trivial non-event such as this.
Personally I believe you are hanging this guy out to dry, solely because he was devoted to resolving an argument and trying to get some form of reconciliation, and you in the heat of the argument have chosen to throw the 'wifebeater' card into the middle of it. If he rang and apologised profusely for scaring you,well then i believe that should be enough for you. If you believe he's a womanbeating maniac with a hairtrigger temper well then dump him, easy as that. The fact that you had to confer with a group of strangers about this leads me to the conclusion that u believe nothing of the sort,as if you did you'd have dumped him on the spot.

Nevyn

GeorgeCostanza quit iwth the imflamatory posting it is unhelpful and
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Nevyn

Final warning about disecting and cross examinating the OP
it will be considered unhelpful and just so ye are all clear
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.

Nevyn

Unreghead wrote: »

. If he rang and apologised profusely for scaring you,well then i believe that should be enough for you. If you believe he's a womanbeating maniac with a hairtrigger temper well then dump him, easy as that. The fact that you had to confer with a group of strangers about this leads me to the conclusion that u believe nothing of the sort,as if you did you'd have dumped him on the spot.

People often have conflicting emotions about situations and experiences esp with people they care about. There is nothing wrong about looking for other peoples points of view as they will differ and help a person figure it out.
There has been a range of differing responses to the OP and I do hope that this has been helpful.

Mitch Connor

Unreg Today wrote: »

Thanks all so much for reading my post and for ur opinions.

The fact remains, I was scared and frightened. I don't think it's acceptable for anyone to use their physical strength over anyone, it's wrong in my opinion. I posted here as i wanted to know if i was over-reacting or did others think it was not right, like i do.

I've never been physically pushed around before and was so shocked and surprised when it happened i didn't know what to do. I said he pushed the door in on top of me and also pushed me out of his way, forcing his way into my home. I did feel threatened and it did cross my mind to call the guards, but i didn't want to do that to him as i do care about him a great deal. I'm not looking for anyone to condem anyone, i just wanted to see did people think it was unacceptable behaviour too.

You pushed him, so you alse tried to impose yourself on him physically.

buckieburd

Just get rid of him, he never hit you but he used his strength to get his own way (to get into your apartment), that would freak me out a bit to be honest. A lots of guys dont know their own strength and forget how intimidating it can be for a girl when their angry. I'm well able for standing up for myself, but can get quiet nervous when guys get aggresive...

Gyalist

I can't understand how anyone can even attempt to justify the actions of a man who forces his way into a house despite being previously asked to leave. That's just totally unacceptable behaviour.

OP can you clarify if you live together?

GeorgeCostanza

Thaedydal wrote: »

GeorgeCostanza quit iwth the imflamatory posting it is unhelpful and
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Apologies, moderator, if I caused offence. I don't believe I was engaging in 'inflammatory posting' as you put it. The OP asked if people think her boyfriend is a potential wife-beater. It seems that the only comments that will be tolerated on this thread are those agreeing with the OP. Discussion forum indeed.

Signing out ....

Nevyn

I do not think he is a potential wifebeater, infact that is one of the reasons I edited the thread title, another was to stop people getting het up over the use of the term as it was reactionary.

I do think his actions even in the heat of an arguement are warrent for concern, hopefully they were a once off and they can both calm down and see a way to better manage conflict in thier relationship and have a discussion about what is and is not acceptable behaviour.

Burial

Thaedydal wrote: »

I do not think he is a potential wifebeater, infact that is one of the reasons I edited the thread title, another was to stop people getting het up over the use of the term as it was reactionary.

I do think his actions even in the heat of an arguement are warrent for concern, hopefully they were a once off and they can both calm down and see a way to better manage conflict in thier relationship and have a discussion about what is and is not acceptable behaviour.

I don't want to get an infraction, however I'm going to say, you don't question her actions, but question his. That isn't exactly fair. (Even though he is is the wrong and not her) Mistakes were made by both sides.

Just noticed this, and this is my advice to the OP:

do ye think if i took him back that this pushing around is the start of something a lot more serious

If you think he's going to beat you, don't stay with him. If you don't think he will, and you enjoy his company and ye won't argue all the time again then take him back. Honestly, I can't tell you if he will do it again, noone here can. That is your decision. You know him better than anyone here, no matter how you describe him to us. If you were to get back with him, tell him ANY outbreak like that, or any situation you feel threatened by him, and it's over. Never stay in a relationship you feel threatened/intimidated.

marti101

Thaedydal wrote: »

So after leaving he decided he wasn't done and when you opened the door forced his way into your home and in the process shoved you with the door and then shoved you roughly out of the way, stated he wasn't leaving and made you feel unsafe and threathened in your own home.

I would have told him to leave, took my mobile, went to the bathroom, locked myself in and rang the garda and told them he had forced his way into your house and refused to leave.

That is unacceptable behaviour and abusive.

Now that being said I think the term wifebeater is muddying things and I am going to change the title of this thread.

I completely understand why you are concerned about his behaviour I think you are right to be so and get that your worry and fear is why you used that term and those fears come from his unacceptable behaviour.

The guards dont usually get involved,they,they might come down and check it out and have a word but after that you are left to your own devices.As some Guards dont rate domestic violence as being serious.I know i called the guards a few times and they wouldnt even move him awyay saying it was a public place.

junior_apollo

marti101 wrote: »

The guards dont usually get involved,they,they might come down and check it out and have a word but after that you are left to your own devices.As some Guards dont rate domestic violence as being serious.I know i called the guards a few times and they wouldnt even move him awyay saying it was a public place.

Only because there isnt enough police to respond to every call like this where there was no need to be called in the first place. Typically there is no offense committed and there is nothing the police can do anyway... if the police had been called on the night in question by a neighbour OP would you have been happy to see your bf hauled off to a cell for the night?... I doubt you would...

humanji

From what I;ve read here, the majority of people seemed to have missed a major point. OP, you say you've been having lots of fights and been bickering over lots of little things. When you add the incident where he forced his way back into your home and the fact that you were genuinly scared of him, then the only advice I can give is end the relationship completely. It's obviously not a good one if you're fighting all the time. Move on and find someone else.

Burial

This is PI, not a debating forum. People are allowed privacy (going unreg, not giving all the info), generally criticism-free help (Unless there clearly wrong) and free from cross-examination.

*EDIT*

Example of where an OP was clearly in the wrong http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055371089

I do think opinions are valid, but the OP gets more le-way than the BF she's talking about, as we're never going to hear the BFs story, so it'll always remain one-sided and I doubt it'd change soon. There was a great thread where two people gave their opinion and asked for advice then.

Darragh29

Unreg Today wrote: »

Going unreg for this one....

So i'm seeing this guy for almost a year, things were pretty good at the start (as all relationships are!) we haven't exactly been living the dream over the last few weeks with a lot of fighting and bickering about little things. So last night we had yet another fight and i asked him to leave, he got very upset but left, a couple of mins later there's a knock on my door, he's outside. I open the door but not fully as i had just asked him to leave and didn't want him back him as i thought we both needed to cool off.

So basically he pushed the door in on top of me, i tried to push him out but he's a lot stronger than me, he pushed me out of the way very roughly and said he wasn't leaving as he wanted to talk. At this point i was actually scared he was going to hurt me and was pretty stressed out by it all (obviously).

After a lot of shouting and me telling him to leave, he did. He rang later crying and saying he was sorry and he wanted us to sort things out.

I'd just like to hear other peoples opinion on this situation, do ye think if i took him back that this pushing around is the start of something a lot more serious.... He seemed sorry on the phone, but isn't every woman-beater afterwards???

Do you both own the house/apartment together or are you renting it together or do you own it or what's the story there?

AngryBadger

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Sounds like a lot of guys here think it's fine to force your way in the door to speak to your girlfriend just because you really want to?

Or a lot of guys realise that in cases of emotional duress they might be more heavy-handed than they would normally be of a rational-mind, being imperfect as we all are.

EDIT: This is not me advocating/defending violence against ANYONE however we are only getting one side of things here, and even with the best will in the world that's not giving us an accurate view of things. On top of which, I'm not a violent guy at all, however I'm also not perfect and I realise that in a moment of anger I might be capable of getting aggressive or hostile. Again not an advocation, however we're all human, sometimes someone steps over a line without meaning to and that's all it is, as against automatically making them a social deviant. The "hang 'em and see" attitude posited by a lot of posters here is of absolutely no use to anyone, including the OP.

Darragh29

Are the two of you living together or was he calling over to your place? This makes a big differece imo.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for the advice & opinions.

No he doesn't live with me, i own it myself.

Nevyn

Riche670 banned for 1 week for peristant off topic posting and questioning a mod action in thread.

Darragh29

Unreg Today wrote: »

Thanks again for the advice & opinions.

No he doesn't live with me, i own it myself.

Well then that puts an entirely different construction on it. He's completely in the wrong in my opinion, go with your gut feeling.