Work asshole spreading malicious rumours

HouseHippo

The same guy I posted about in my previous thread,the one who lives in Sweden, has been spreading malicious rumours around my former and my bf's current work place....even though he only comes back every 2nd weekend.


These rumours are...I fancy him,I "stalk" him, etc etc and are potentially dangerous toward my relationship....I can already tell my bf is getting a little pissed off with his work mates slagging him off about it. I decided to resolve this issue i'd send him this email:

Look I don't know what I ever did to offend you or deserve your behaviour......
But please stop telling people in X's i'm in to you,stalking you, or that only worked that weekend to see you...when you know none of that is true.

I was working to buy my BOYFRIEND of 5 YEARS Who I LOVE!!!!! a new guitar for Christmas, I didn't choose that weekend,X did.
I don't know what gave you the impression that i'm even slightly attracted to you, a few emails and adding you on a SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE, FOR FRIENDS, not a dating site.
You are not my type, ok. You are 15 years my senior, and the same age as my dad.

Any who, say what you want about me, i don't care if you like me or not, you live in Sweden not as if I even see you. Just don't ruin my relationship! I love X, and I don't need people ****ing it up.If I was him I'd be pretty pissed off if my gf was "stalking" another guy.


If someone has mis-informed me as to it being you who sprouted all these stupid little rumours,you are welcome to correct me and i'll apologise, otherwise, please put a stop to it and leave me alone.I did nothing to you to warrant this malicious and quite frankly immature behaviour.
Take Care.


However he may have the ability to make things difficult for my bf in work. I would ask my bf about it but he is "up this guys ass" and sides with him constantly.It also makes me sick hat people would think I would stalk and or harrass another person,that I would be that desperate for attention!!!! I love my bf and have eyes for no other man, especially not a 33 year old married man who lives 100's of miles away with his wife,in Sweden. What should I do????

MagicMarker

I think you should stop aiming for the record of most PI threads ever.

Seriously, just forget about these people, don't send emails, don't do anything. Just quit whatever job you have and never see any of them again, if your bf sides with this guy constantly then dump the gob****e. If worst comes to worse leave your school and complete your leaving cert in a local plc college or something.

hf4z6sqo7vjngi

your stupid end of thread

MagicMarker

Tinley Black Carpenter wrote: »

you're stupid, end of thread

Riiight...

Wibbs

jackyback banned for obvious reasons.

Wibbs

HouseHippo first thing is if you can get some counseling, it would likely be good for you. Your view of the world is informing your life in a negative way and there should be no stigma looking for help to fix that.

Second thing is to take a long look at those you call friends. How they act towards you and how you may act towards them. We all make the mistake at some time in our lives of hanging around with those who are not healthy for us. We all learn with time(hopefully).

Also nobody can really ruin a relationship other than the people in it. If your boyfriend chooses to believe the rumours or hasn't got the backbone to stand up for himself because of peer pressure, that's not swedish bloke at fault.

Don't engage with swedish bloke again. let it go. Concentrate on your studies and if you can try and talk to a professional about your unhealthy thoughts.

Overheal

i dont think pleading with him was the best move to make. personally idhave done things i cant repeat here. but you could also have turned it around on him. instead of worrying about it you could just think about it as him wanting you. He just wishes he could have you and spreads these rumours to fuel his wanktasy. It doesnt matter if its true or not, as long as you believe it, let him know it, i think he'd shut up.

But ultimately hippo MagicMarker might come off as the Bad Cop here but he and Wibbs not wrong. You have other things that you should be focusing your energies on, and not letting everyone around you play you like a cheap violin.

Carrigart Exile

If he is sending these messages from a works computer simply e-mail him telling him that you have passed on his e-mails to your HR department. I suspect the guy knows how easy you may be to wind up and is enjoying himself at your expense. Don't play his game.

Enii

Don't engage with him. Just ignore him.

End of story.


If you do engage with him you obviusly want to draw the whole situation out. Just leave it.

mikemac

HouseHippo wrote: »

You are 15 years my senior, and the same age as my dad.

Is this for real or you just posting for effect?
Your dad was 15 when you were born, realy?
This isn't offtopic if the OP is posting about issues.

Anyway, as said if it's off a work pc then just take it to HR

Miss Fluff

Each individual has their own boundaries, boundaries defined by them. While you think your behaviour towards this chap is acceptable or what have you, he clearly doesn't. Although it is hurtful that this man sees your behaviour as "stalkerish" you have to take your cue from that m'dear. A long, ranting email as outlined in your OP would be a red rag to a bull quite frankly and will make this situation ten times worse for you. DISENGAGE. I want you to remember the mantra "people that mind don't matter, and people that matter don't mind". Do not under any circumstances, by thought word or deed have any more contact with this person OK?

Edit: Just read back over your other threads and I'd be concerned that this experience would cause you to spiral into self-harm again. I'd second Wibb's advice when he said you really should look into counselling, I think it would do you good. Have you been to see your local GP?There is no stigma in seeing a professional but I think you have a lot on at present you poor sausage and being able to talk to someone qualified to help would go a long way in helping you work through and resolve a lot of your current issues.

wasper

HouseHippo wrote: »

The same guy I posted about in my previous thread,the one who lives in Sweden, has been spreading malicious rumours around my former and my bf's current work place....even though he only comes back every 2nd weekend.


These rumours are...I fancy him,I "stalk" him, etc etc and are potentially dangerous toward my relationship....I can already tell my bf is getting a little pissed off with his work mates slagging him off about it. I decided to resolve this issue i'd send him this email:

Look I don't know what I ever did to offend you or deserve your behaviour......
But please stop telling people in X's i'm in to you,stalking you, or that only worked that weekend to see you...when you know none of that is true.

I was working to buy my BOYFRIEND of 5 YEARS Who I LOVE!!!!! a new guitar for Christmas, I didn't choose that weekend,X did.
I don't know what gave you the impression that i'm even slightly attracted to you, a few emails and adding you on a SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE, FOR FRIENDS, not a dating site.
You are not my type, ok. You are 15 years my senior, and the same age as my dad.

Any who, say what you want about me, i don't care if you like me or not, you live in Sweden not as if I even see you. Just don't ruin my relationship! I love X, and I don't need people ****ing it up.If I was him I'd be pretty pissed off if my gf was "stalking" another guy.


If someone has mis-informed me as to it being you who sprouted all these stupid little rumours,you are welcome to correct me and i'll apologise, otherwise, please put a stop to it and leave me alone.I did nothing to you to warrant this malicious and quite frankly immature behaviour.
Take Care.


However he may have the ability to make things difficult for my bf in work. I would ask my bf about it but he is "up this guys ass" and sides with him constantly.It also makes me sick hat people would think I would stalk and or harrass another person,that I would be that desperate for attention!!!! I love my bf and have eyes for no other man, especially not a 33 year old married man who lives 100's of miles away with his wife,in Sweden. What should I do????

The next time he returns from Sweden, just confronts him in front of other works colleagues. Embarrass him. Nothing like face to face confrontation.

Overheal

wasper wrote: »

The next time he returns from Sweden, just confronts him in front of other works colleagues. Embarrass him. Nothing like face to face confrontation.

ill bring the popcorn! <--- that idea would only perpetuate matters.

Miss Fluff

wasper wrote: »

The next time he returns from Sweden, just confronts him in front of other works colleagues. Embarrass him. Nothing like face to face confrontation.

No OP, do not, I repeat not, confront him. It's best to walk away from situations like this with your head held high.

wasper

Miss Fluff wrote: »

No OP, do not, I repeat not, confront him. It's best to walk away from situations like this with your head held high.

I beg to differ, the man is a bully. Bullies need to be confronted. They will show their true colours. Also since it's out in the open at work, it will not expose anything the workers don't know about.

Wibbs

I strongly agree with Miss Fluff. I agree that bullies need to be confronted in general, but in this particular case confronting him will only make this worse. It has already. He may be a bully or he may not. We are only getting one side of the story for a start. It could be wires crossed. It could be the OP tends to be clingy and he got caught up in that. He could be a nasty type who loves the attention. We don't know.

Regardless of what's what, her confronting him will just make her look worse in this case. Guaranteed. If he is a bollex, it will reinforce what apparently he's been saying about her. "Oh look, I told you, she won't leave me alone. She waits around for me, she left the job because I "turned her down", she emails me afterward, she.... [add in possible future confrontation]. See what I mean? Any confrontation will go his way. He's a 30 odd yr old bloke, he'll well know how to angle this compared to a teenage girl.

The best thing the OP can do is let it go. Let it go concentrate on herself and her studies and chalk this one up to an embarrassing experience. Throw in a side order of counseling to help with her unhealthy feelings and this experience and any other that have brought her to this point will be just steps on the way to her being a better person.

HouseHippo

Overheal wrote: »

i dont think pleading with him was the best move to make. personally idhave done things i cant repeat here. but you could also have turned it around on him. instead of worrying about it you could just think about it as him wanting you. He just wishes he could have you and spreads these rumours to fuel his wanktasy. It doesnt matter if its true or not, as long as you believe it, let him know it, i think he'd shut up.

But ultimately hippo MagicMarker might come off as the Bad Cop here but he and Wibbs not wrong. You have other things that you should be focusing your energies on, and not letting everyone around you play you like a cheap violin.

I can't actually see Magic Markers posts he is on my ignore list as he constantly abused my threads.

Wanktasy, very good. I may have to steal that from you

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

If he is sending these messages from a works computer simply e-mail him telling him that you have passed on his e-mails to your HR department. I suspect the guy knows how easy you may be to wind up and is enjoying himself at your expense. Don't play his game.

He is spreading the rumours by word of mouth, it's not winding me up, it's messing up my relationship......

micmclo wrote: »

Is this for real or you just posting for effect?
Your dad was 15 when you were born, realy?
This isn't offtopic if the OP is posting about issues.

Anyway, as said if it's off a work pc then just take it to HR

My dad was 16, have you got some sort of problem with that

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Each individual has their own boundaries, boundaries defined by them. While you think your behaviour towards this chap is acceptable or what have you, he clearly doesn't. Although it is hurtful that this man sees your behaviour as "stalkerish" you have to take your cue from that m'dear. A long, ranting email as outlined in your OP would be a red rag to a bull quite frankly and will make this situation ten times worse for you. DISENGAGE. I want you to remember the mantra "people that mind don't matter, and people that matter don't mind". Do not under any circumstances, by thought word or deed have any more contact with this person OK?

Edit: Just read back over your other threads and I'd be concerned that this experience would cause you to spiral into self-harm again. I'd second Wibb's advice when he said you really should look into counselling, I think it would do you good. Have you been to see your local GP?There is no stigma in seeing a professional but I think you have a lot on at present you poor sausage and being able to talk to someone qualified to help would go a long way in helping you work through and resolve a lot of your current issues.

Ive done counselling, I have aspergers syndrome and ADD,i was made.It didn't help.


No everything he is saying is all lies, I have only met the guy about 6 times, 3 in work, one in the pub and and two at his leaving parties.He added me on Myspace and I added him on facebook, we snet 4 email total to each other mostly about work stuff. If that is what any human being calls stalking then he is obviously the mental one

MagicMarker

HouseHippo wrote: »

I can't actually see Magic Markers posts he is on my ignore list as he constantly abused my threads.

Wanktasy, very good. I may have to steal that from you

I remember in a past thread of yours i posted on in after hours, you accused me of trolling on your threads (or something along those lines) just because i happened to post something you disagreed with in a PI of yours the same day. This could not be farther from the truth. To be quite honest, if you really think i ''abuse'' your threads then it wouldn't surprise me at all if you just exaggerate everything else in your life as well.

I'd love to get the opinions of all these people who ''bully'' you, because from your recent threads it seems to me that everyone you meet has something against you/bullies you and you're the only innocent one.

HouseHippo

I can ignore him, it's my bf who is getting annoyed by the whole situation.

Dudess

So you think maybe the Aspergers is causing you to be an easy target for bullies? That is ****ing horrible, my heart goes out to you.

However, when I hear people say "counselling doesn't work" I can't help but wonder how much work they put in themselves. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is supposed to be fantastic - would you consider it? The thing about counselling is, you have to be prepared to put things into practice and take responsibility for yourself too. It's not all up to the counsellor. I know you've been through awful **** with family deaths, living with grandparents whom you say are rather unpleasant, some very vicious bullying by schoolmates and less vicious but still nasty bullying at work... but there comes a point when we need to stop letting our problems hold us back (and I know that's easier said than done and I'm not trying to be harsh, I mean it in a respectful way).
And work on your self esteem - it really does project outwards when a person is lacking in confidence. Worrying about what people think of you, trying to please everyone etc - bad, bad ideas. It's so obvious when people are doing that. Just be yourself and keep telling yourself if people don't like you for the way you are, **** 'em. As long as you like yourself and consider yourself a good person, that's all that matters...

Did I read correctly that your boyfriend licks up to the Swedish guy? We are all entitled to be friends with whom we want (in general) but it still seems a rather crappy thing for him to be doing as your boyfriend.

sam34

HouseHippo wrote: »

My dad was 16, have you got some sort of problem with that

why the aggressive tone in response to what was a genuine question by a poster? it seems you're easily affronted

Wibbs

HouseHippo wrote: »

He is spreading the rumours by word of mouth, it's not winding me up, it's messing up my relationship......

Well clearly it is winding you up, but your relationship will be messed up by you or your boyfriend. Yes external stresses play a part but in the end your boyfriend has to stand up for himself and you or he's not much of a boyfriend frankly.

sam34 wrote:

why the aggressive tone in response to what was a genuine question by a poster? it seems you're easily affronted

I tend to agree. You do have a tendency to react first and ask questions later, or assume someone is taking the píss. Now sometimes they are but not always. Maybe your asbergers is what makes it difficult for you to see the difference. Who knows? That's why I suggest further counseling. Keep looking for one until you get a good one. One that you can work with. Each of us has a worldview that is to different degrees realistic and healthy. None of us is completely well balanced and sometimes we need that help.

Karen_*

Don't send that email or contact the guy again. You've alot going on at the moment and I agree with the other posters who suggest counselling.

There does seem to be alot of drama in your life and you need to find ways to reduce that. It is unusual that your father your father had you at sixteen which is why of course someone would pick up on it. But I understand your reaction was after assuming that the poster was trying to catch you out.

mikemac

Karen_* wrote: »

But I understand your reaction was after assuming that the poster was trying to catch you out.

I wasn't trying to catch anyone out, it was a genuine question.
But you post an agressive response OP? Why?

Maybe it is incredibly easy for others to wind you up making you an easy target.
Calm down for your own sake

HouseHippo

Dudess wrote: »

So you think maybe the Aspergers is causing you to be an easy target for bullies? That is ****ing horrible, my heart goes out to you.

However, when I hear people say "counselling doesn't work" I can't help but wonder how much work they put in themselves. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is supposed to be fantastic - would you consider it? The thing about counselling is, you have to be prepared to put things into practice and take responsibility for yourself too. It's not all up to the counsellor. I know you've been through awful **** with family deaths, living with grandparents whom you say are rather unpleasant, some very vicious bullying by schoolmates and less vicious but still nasty bullying at work... but there comes a point when we need to stop letting our problems hold us back (and I know that's easier said than done and I'm not trying to be harsh, I mean it in a respectful way).
And work on your self esteem - it really does project outwards when a person is lacking in confidence. Worrying about what people think of you, trying to please everyone etc - bad, bad ideas. It's so obvious when people are doing that. Just be yourself and keep telling yourself if people don't like you for the way you are, **** 'em. As long as you like yourself and consider yourself a good person, that's all that matters...

Did I read correctly that your boyfriend licks up to the Swedish guy? We are all entitled to be friends with whom we want (in general) but it still seems a rather crappy thing for him to be doing as your boyfriend.

Nobody really knows I have it. I don't tell people. I did it for 2 years in the Lucena Clinic, in rathgar, it was ok however I felt the counsellors although helped me with my anxiety issues and my akwardness in social situations, they failed to touch on some important issues, which they skimmed over. I then felt once i conquered my fear of social situations, they essentially booted me out, despite the fact taht I still had somethings to work on.



Well I have essentially moved out of my grandparents house and in with my bf which is great.Also I usually get on with everyone in work until this guy came back into the picture, I don't know exactly what it is i did but he has made me a target. Maybe he genuinely thinks im stalking him, but believe me I am far too shy to be stalking people.

That whole, it's them not me stuff worked for me for a good year until now. I just get the feeling, if you understand that not everyone can be wrong maybe I'm just not a likeable person, i feel as if I am doomed to go through life with no friends. I realsie this is nothing compared to what some people have gone through, but still I need someone to talk to, what better than a bunch of strangers on the net.
Also this is hitting me pretty hard as today is the one year anniversary of my mothers death and in 2 weeks there will be an inquest into her death at the coroner's court.

Yeah,My bf feels as though he owes this guy his job etc, and yeah I suppose he does, and to most people he comes across as a lovely guy however to a select few of us, he is nasty, particularly to females....My bf is really a great guy, he has helped me through so much these past 5 years and I would be lost without him, I don;t want him to come across as an arse here

Wibbs wrote: »

Well clearly it is winding you up, but your relationship will be messed up by you or your boyfriend. Yes external stresses play a part but in the end your boyfriend has to stand up for himself and you or he's not much of a boyfriend frankly.

I tend to agree. You do have a tendency to react first and ask questions later, or assume someone is taking the píss. Now sometimes they are but not always. Maybe your asbergers is what makes it difficult for you to see the difference. Who knows? That's why I suggest further counseling. Keep looking for one until you get a good one. One that you can work with. Each of us has a worldview that is to different degrees realistic and healthy. None of us is completely well balanced and sometimes we need that help.

Its not winding me up in the sense that im annoyed tht he is talking about me just that all my bf's workmates are taking the piss out of him cause they think his gf is in love with some other guy.

My bf is the best bf in thew world, no matter what **** im going through, he supports me, the past 5 years despite everything that has happened have been the best in my life just because he was in my life. I was lost before I met him, and thanks to him, I didn't end my life like I considered many times

micmclo wrote: »

Is this for real or you just posting for effect?
Your dad was 15 when you were born, realy?
This isn't offtopic if the OP is posting about issues.

Anyway, as said if it's off a work pc then just take it to HR

You accused me of saying my dad was 16 for effect. It is infact true.

Guy just emailed me there, asking about some work spec, I just ignored it instead of writing a nasty reply.Very proud of myself:D

mikemac

No, I didn't. I never once posted 16 on this thread
Hey, it's unusual, of course someone will pick up

And I only posted it as one of the first posts was about you starting loads of threads here so I wasn't sure how it tied in. I've not seen them and I hope you get the advice you want here.
And this thread started about a work colleague and now you've brought several topics into it. Suicide for one which cannot be more serious.

I've not seen your other threads, good luck with this one.

Sugar Drunk

Ring this asshole and tell him to STFU and leave you and your BF alone or you will inform his wife about his unhealthy obsession with someone so many years his senior. God what a loser is he honestly that childish at 33?

I am shocked that your BF is annoyed that his work mates are slagging him off yet is ass kissing the very guy who started the runmours?!

marti101

Op i think you are going to have to learn there are boundries you dont cross.If you didnt know him that well why accept his bebo friendship.Im sorry but from your other posts you just seem to wallow in self pity.My grandparents do this,the guy in work did that.Have you no real friends that you can ask questions to rather than here.I dont mean this to be personal but how does your bf put up with you its one dram after another.i have no real advice except stop talking to the guy pay more attention to your bf otherwise youre next thread will be "Why did my bf break up with me"

Wibbs

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

Ring this asshole and tell him to STFU and leave you and your BF alone or you will inform his wife about his unhealthy obsession with someone so many years his senior.

Have you read this thread? Do not do this. It will make things worse. It's a knee jerk reaction and the OP will come out looking worse if she does. She'll look obsessive, aggressive and flaky, which will reinforce what this man has been saying about her(or not). Let it go.

pirelli

HouseHippo wrote: »

You accused me of saying my dad was 16 for effect. It is infact true.

Not you problem househippo.

davyjose

Tell him if he does not retract EVERYTHING he has said about you, you'll take him to court for harrassment and slanderous allegations. If he threatens to make life difficult for your boyfriend, then throw that on the pile too.

Bit of zero tolerance needed in these situations TBH.

Sugar Drunk

Wibbs wrote: »

Have you read this thread? Do not do this. It will make things worse. It's a knee jerk reaction and the OP will come out looking worse if she does. She'll look obsessive, aggressive and flaky, which will reinforce what this man has been saying about her(or not). Let it go.

Its just how I deal with things I dont go in for BS. Im not saying have a conversation with him or anything just simply one sentence and a warbning to cop on and back down.

I used to have a friend and ex who treated me like crap. owed me money etc I helped him get back with his girlfriend, helped him out with everything etc and as soon as I got with my BF he started this crap of wanting to hang out all the time, ringing me, texting me but then ignoring me and lying and saying I was obsessed with him, I was the one ringing him etc. so I told him to get the hell away from me and leave me alone or his girlfriend would be made aware of what he was at. havent heard from him since.

This guy that is annoying the Op is a middle aged isiot trying to make out he still has the young girls after him what a loser. What I cannot figure out is why the BF is both annoyed and taking his side?

Marksie

HouseHippo wrote: »

Guy just emailed me there, asking about some work spec, I just ignored it instead of writing a nasty reply.Very proud of myself:D

Hmm well its a start househippo. But as he was asking about work, the really smart thing wasl to have replied and told him exactly what he wanted to know.
No more, no less.

At least in that way he could not turn round and say...look she is ignoring me now and it was a work thing too.

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

This guy that is annoying the Op is a middle aged isiot trying to make out he still has the young girls after him what a loser. What I cannot figure out is why the BF is both annoyed and taking his side?

All about perceptions. On one hand we have Househippos interpretation, on another we have yours based on what you have experienced. But we don't have the full picture.
The assumption of course is that househippo is 100% factually correct. In which case her reactions to him will validate what he does.
If she doesn't, then people will precive him as, as you have said, a middle aged idiot making out he still has girls running after him. Because that is what they are thinking already at my guess.
Anything that househippo does that is confrontational will exacerbate things.
She has sent the email it can be left at that

Karen_*

Well everyone in the world is treating the OP like crap as far as I can make out. I'd advise Househippo to stand back and take stock of things. Usually when you've got a problem with everyone there is a common denominator and thats usually yourself.

Househippo just steer clear of people alot older than you. Steer clear of rows and confrontations. Weight up who your true friends are and stick with them and before you react to things take a step back and decide to give a reaction the following day. By which time you will have calmed down and may react totally differently if at all.

Keep your life as simple as you can. You say you don't like drama but your life is a bit of a soap op at the moment and thats no good for anyone. Stay away from your boyfriends workmates. Full stop. He has to work with them and you sending emails etc is just not on. That may be why they were calling you a stalker. Yes people can be mean and say hurtful things but losing it just reinforces their opinion of you and then it becomes a cycle.

LegacyUser

Hi Op... i think people posting are now getting involved in your chaos... i understand that you need advice on how to deal with your issues,but you need to understand that you are responsible for your behaviour,including how you react to people.

There is an old saying that we teach people how to treat us... you have to ask yourself how you are teaching people how to treat you?

its not that bad behaviour is to be condoned but what are you doing to attract all this chaos toward you....

It seems that if you cannot treat yourself with love and respect how can you teach anyone else to?

The issues in your past have been very traumatic,and anyone would struggle to cope with a lot of what you have been through... i could tell you some horrific stories i have been through also but there is only one way back to having a healthy life and it is to take responsibility for yourself and your emotions and your pain.

I dont think that at your age you are supposed to know how to fix all of this but you are seeking advice and i think you definatly need to grow more awareness over yourself and some more self control.

You can find a good therapist in dublin and start up a good realtionship with them to get to the root cause of your pain so you can release it.... you are creating chaos in your life so you dont have to allow the pain to come up-chaos is a distraction from our own selves... it could be seen as a selfish thing to bring others into your chaos-making everything about you all the time when you are in fact responsible for this pain as unbearable as it is...

Im saying all this from experience-i have been in exactly the same place,where emotionally i coyuldnt see past my own nose and i expected everyone to give me attention over my pain,my issues,my mis fortune....

I stayed in therapy for 9 years.... thats how long it took to heal for me,and my therapist only told me yeaterday that this length of time is not un common.... every individual is different,and healing takes as long as it takes...

My advice is to find a qualified therapit and commit to yourself to making a better you-you have to believe you are worth it.... until that happens you are in for a continuious life of chaos and self distruction.... get help and start posting up posts where you are making progress rather that being stuck in an emotional tsuami all the time.

HouseHippo

Karen_* wrote: »

Well everyone in the world is treating the OP like crap as far as I can make out. I'd advise Househippo to stand back and take stock of things. Usually when you've got a problem with everyone there is a common denominator and thats usually yourself.

Househippo just steer clear of people alot older than you. Steer clear of rows and confrontations. Weight up who your true friends are and stick with them and before you react to things take a step back and decide to give a reaction the following day. By which time you will have calmed down and may react totally differently if at all.

Keep your life as simple as you can. You say you don't like drama but your life is a bit of a soap op at the moment and thats no good for anyone. Stay away from your boyfriends workmates. Full stop. He has to work with them and you sending emails etc is just not on. That may be why they were calling you a stalker. Yes people can be mean and say hurtful things but losing it just reinforces their opinion of you and then it becomes a cycle.

I actually worked there with him too thats how we know each other, i dont follow around my bf's wrkmates like

sam34

HouseHippo wrote: »

I actually worked there with him too thats how we know each other, i dont follow around my bf's wrkmates like

yeah, quite. because thats the most important thing to focus on in karen's post.:rolleyes:

interesting how selective your reading of that post was. says a lot about your attitude to life.

HouseHippo

HouseHippo wrote: »

I actually worked there with him too thats how we know each other, i dont follow around my bf's wrkmates like

He was back for work on Monday, I was in collecting the lisings for my bf, i sat him down, asked him what was going on, along with two of the lads from work, he said "it was only a joke, he didn't mean what he ws saying, he was messing." I said fair enough but next time you are gonna "make a joke" how about you let me in on it.Apparently he had been doing similar stuff with one of the barmaids.

He said sorry, it wont happen again, i said ok.Issue is resolved, oh and he text my bf and said;
Sorry for making you think your gf fancied me, I was only messin."

spinandscribble

it sounds quite possible that you completely didn't pick up on a joke. I know from the people i know with aspergers and from studying psychology that that can commonly happen.

HouseHippo

spinandscribble wrote: »

it sounds quite possible that you completely didn't pick up on a joke. I know from the people i know with aspergers and from studying psychology that that can commonly happen.

Well my two mates and the barmaid from work he was previously doing it too who is actually a lesbian,(she left work over this and got a job in a travel agents because of it even though she loved her job) didn't think it was a joke either. he knows it wasn't a joke, If only you could have seen his face when he knew he was caught out.He didn't think it would get back to me, but a particular guy in work is a mouth of the south.

HouseHippo

marti101 wrote: »

Op i think you are going to have to learn there are boundries you dont cross.If you didnt know him that well why accept his bebo friendship.Im sorry but from your other posts you just seem to wallow in self pity.My grandparents do this,the guy in work did that.Have you no real friends that you can ask questions to rather than here.I dont mean this to be personal but how does your bf put up with you its one dram after another.i have no real advice except stop talking to the guy pay more attention to your bf otherwise youre next thread will be "Why did my bf break up with me"

I dumped my bf.You bare right i'm too much drama for him, i didn't want to wreck his life so i dumped him about 2 hours ago. He was pretty devestated but i'm moving out of our flat at the mo and into a hostel. Its not right he has to put up with a gf like that cause im putting drama into his life. Instaed of "wallowing in self pity" im moving countries to my godfathers house and leaving school for a year to try and get a handle on my life and get over my mothers and fathers deaths this year as it has been making me act a bit funny.. Thanks for making me realise this


Oh and I do know him I worked with him for about 7 months. We got on pretty well, we just had duifferent rostas, they put me on with my bf on purpose. But he actually added me and snet me a message so I don't think i was crossing a boundary

spinandscribble

why does her being a lesbian have to do with the rumour he spread about you? lol i'm confused

HouseHippo

lol he got caught out that time because he told everyone he was being stalked bey lesbian, which pretty much resulted in her coming out in work

spinandscribble

househippo i think you're doing the right thing. you don't want to become dependant on your bf/ex. but please get some therapy, you've been through alot and your dealing with too much.

HouseHippo

i have been in therapy for 2 years


I was actualy madly in olove with him and he was the greatest thing that ever happened to me and he was the only person who could make me happy, he helped me through everything but its best for him

Wibbs

HouseHippo wrote: »

I dumped my bf.You bare right i'm too much drama for him, i didn't want to wreck his life so i dumped him about 2 hours ago. He was pretty devestated

I'm sure he was if he loved you. So OK, you have drama in your life, but he has made the decision to stay in your life and support you, so you dump him? You're working to buy him a guitar(IIRC) and the next he's history? That makes little sense to me frankly. He's willing to engage with you and that was his decision and he was happy with that so maybe you should think how he would feel about this turn around.

spinandscribble

tbh if you're the second girl he's claimed to be 'stalking him' from work, i would have assumed noone would have believed him and just laughed in his face. he sounds like a ego idiot. I think you need help learning not to overreact.

spinandscribble

Wibbs wrote: »

I'm sure he was if he loved you. So OK, you have drama in your life, but he has made the decision to stay in your life and support you, so you dump him? You're working to buy him a guitar(IIRC) and the next he's history? That makes little sense to me frankly. He's willing to engage with you and that was his decision and he was happy with that so maybe you should think how he would feel about this turn around.

the ops very impulsive. maybe try the long distance thing op, talk it out at least with your bf.

HouseHippo

I think it will be better for him in the long run.

The postsb here have made me realise that everything bad in my life, my parents, my family hating me, no friends etc are my fault and I need to sort it out instead of saying it was my grandparents fault they abuse me etc.


So im only dragging him down therefore I need to get away from everyone and sort myself out

HouseHippo

spinandscribble wrote: »

the ops very impulsive. maybe try the long distance thing op, talk it out at least with our bf.

Im actually not impulsive at all. this is the only impulsive thing ive ever done

spinandscribble

i don't think you're the best judge of whats good for him; he is.
and if somethings not working, change it. try a different form of professional help.