I just asked a girl out..

LegacyUser

I just asked a girl out and she pretty much just laughed in my face!

She lives near me and a mutual friend had been trying to set us up for ages.
We met and we became friendly, had coffee and a few house drinks with other people a few times, and i thought i had seen some signs she liked me, although i knew she was totally out of my league so to speak. ( I know about the "out of my league" thread), She is taller than me by a few inches and such a lovely person, as well as beautiful.

I got the nerve from somewhere based on the idea that if i seen her in the future with some guy i would be kicking myself, but as i said she literally laughed in my face. I don't really blame her, and she wouldn't have meant to, it was just a natural reaction.

I have been single for 3 years since my longtime girlfriend broke up with me, i did try and ask one other girl out last year and it didn't go great either, but this was just terrible.

I don't know how i will be able to look her in the face again, and will be so embarrassed in front of our mutual friends.

I look well people tell me, in my 30s have a good job, house etc not that i think that stuff matters really, but i not sure where to go from here, or what to say when i see her on the street.

any advice would be great
Thanks.

Wibbs

You dodged a bullet. Look unless you walked up to her in a gorilla suit with an ostrich feather sticking out of your fundament, then her laughing in your face is a good indication of the type of person you're dealing with. She simple had no excuse for it. Even basic manners would tell one that. As I say bullet dodged and the word in your head should be "Next!". Open your eyes to the women around you. there are literally billions in the world. Those odds are pretty good.

spurious

Was it a nervous laugh as in 'wow' that's unexpected', or a 'no way' kind of laugh?
If it's the first, there might still be a chance.
If it's the second, she is very rude. She is also certainly out of your league, though not in the direction you mean.

Beruthiel

she laughed wrote: »

she literally laughed in my face. I don't really blame her, and she wouldn't have meant to, it was just a natural reaction.

I disagree.
There are many ways to react to something yes.
But if you have any kind of manners and empathy then you would just politely decline and perhaps explain why to someone you know. You treat others as you'd like to be treated yourself. She cared nothing for your feelings.
She may look great but she has no class and you had a lucky escape.

MizzLolly

If the laugh was a nervous reaction, like a giggle maybe then you've no need to take offence.

If she actually did laugh in your face, then she is insensitive and immature. Who does she think she is? Seriously, you're better off steering well clear. She already has you sizing yourself up to her (you mentioned being out of her league)

Leave her be, if she's the kind of person who actually laughs in a guys face, she's hardly worth the time wasted thinking about her.

LegacyUser

Thanks Guys,

I think the laughing was just a way of hiding the suprise , because she really is a lovely girl, very classy i would say, i wouldn't have liked her so much if she was n't.


She just laughed and waved her hand, so i said well i had to ask, and she said thanks,

but its knowing that her gut reaction at me asking her was to laugh is not good!

RoosterIllusion

Kill her*

That was a pretty unfair response. I'm a guy, when girls have asked me out before I have always been nice about it, even if I would never go near them otherwise. I have also asked girls out and I would not really have much time for a girl that laughs in your face.




*Don't kill her.

Latchy

OP if she laughed in your face than sounds like she has a very high opinion of herself (and a very low one on you ) . Smacks of imaturity and insensitivity on her part .Sometime girls like that end up with what they deserve , some plank .

Your better off looking someplace else and lesson learned

Schism

she laughed wrote: »

Thanks Guys,

I think the laughing was just a way of hiding the suprise , because she really is a lovely girl, very classy i would say, i wouldn't have liked her so much if she was n't.


She just laughed and waved her hand, so i said well i had to ask, and she said thanks,

but its knowing that her gut reaction at me asking her was to laugh is not good!

She laughed and waved her hand? Like she was dismissing the whole idea?

There's a right and wrong way to do everything and that most certainly is the wrong way. Maybe I'm picking this up wrong but I'd say you're better off away from a woman like that.

LegacyUser

Yes thats what it was, just dismissing it like it was beyond possibility.

thats what hurts i guess

Thanks

impr0v

The laugh just gives you a reason to get angry when what you're really pissed off about is the dashed hopes. Forget about it, move on. Unfortunately there's not much else you can do.

If you want a bright side, it took balls to ask someone that you knew deep down was out of your league (without wishing to debate the phrase), so congrats on that. You'd probably be wondering for a while if you didn't do it, but it's still scant consolation, I know.

auerillo

she laughed wrote: »

Thanks Guys,

I think the laughing was just a way of hiding the suprise , because she really is a lovely girl, very classy i would say, i wouldn't have liked her so much if she was n't.


She just laughed and waved her hand, so i said well i had to ask, and she said thanks,

but its knowing that her gut reaction at me asking her was to laugh is not good!

It's funny to consider someone who laughs in your face when you ask her out as " classy" ( a dreadful word ).

LolaLuv

She's the one who should be embarrassed, how rude of her. She doesn't sound like any sort of catch, tbh.

MagicMarker

Dude, forget about her and the fact that she laughed, that's a pretty heartless thing to do. You should be happy that you had the balls to do it in the first place. By your own admission she's ''out of your league'' and yet you still did it.

Fair play to you i say.

Begob

uhm..
Am I the only one here thinking that this is just the start of the chase?
We're only relying on the op's perception of what her laugh meant.

OP chase her further if you really want her.
Give it a few weeks persistence anyway.If you like her,she's surely worth that.

I've a feeling that theres quite a few good relationships out there that would never have happened if they'd fallen at the first "no" hurdle.

In my opinion,forget about your perception that she's not interested.It's just symptomatic of your lack of confidence.
For now anyway... and try a few more times.

LolaLuv

Begob wrote: »

uhm..
Am I the only one here thinking that this is just the start of the chase?
We're only relying on the op's perception of what her laugh meant.

OP chase her further if you really want her a restraining order.
Give it a few weeks persistence anyway.If you like her,she's surely worth that.

I've a feeling that theres quite a few good relationships stalkings out there that would never have happened if they'd fallen at the first "no" hurdle.

In my opinion,forget about your perception that she's not interested.It's just symptomatic of your lack of confidence.
For now anyway... and try a few more times.

FTFY.

MagicMarker

PillyPen wrote: »

FTFY.

LolaLuv

MagicMarker wrote: »

Fixed that for you? I really doubt OP's lady friend is interested, pursuing her would be a bad, creepy idea.

Begob

Clearly PillyPen you have not watched Groundhog Day.
He got the girl didn't he


Magic marker- I think the abreviation is for "fixed that for ya"

Text talk if ya will..

LolaLuv

Begob wrote: »

Clearly PillyPen you have not watched Groundhog Day.
He got the girl didn't he


Magic marker- I think the abreviation is for "fixed that for ya"

Text talk if ya will..

Lol, difficult to argue with the magic that is Groundhog Day, except that she forgot the previous day's stalking every night. So yes OP, if the lady in question is unable to create new memories, by all means keep hounding!

Begob

PillyPen wrote: »

Fixed that for you? I really doubt OP's lady friend is interested, pursuing her would be a bad, creepy idea.

Good Lord,I didn't advocate months of persual.
I advocated giving it a few weeks.
It's called an old fashioned chase.
Your Daddy probably did it with your Mammy.

LolaLuv

Begob wrote: »

Good Lord,I didn't advocate months of persual.
I advocated giving it a few weeks.
It's called an old fashioned chase.
Your Daddy probably did it with your Mammy.

Oh, I doubt it! My Daddy impregnated my Mammy at 17, if anyone was chasing, it was my grandfather after my father with a shotgun!

MagicMarker

Begob wrote: »

Good Lord,I didn't advocate months of persual.
I advocated giving it a few weeks.
It's called an old fashioned chase.
Your Daddy probably did it with your Mammy.

Maybe if she didn't give a definitave answer.. But the girl said no, end of.

'Chasing' after he would just seem desperate and pathetic.

The OP needs to move on.

Begob

MagicMarker wrote: »

Maybe if she didn't give a definitave answer.. But the girl said no, end of.

'Chasing' after he would just seem desperate and pathetic.

The OP needs to move on.

Honestly,we're just reading text here.
We don't know and the OP can't tell us as he is here asking us so clearly he doesn't know and sounds like he's lacking in confidence.
So no I wouldn't agree.

PillyPen wrote: »

Oh, I doubt it! My Daddy impregnated my Mammy at 17, if anyone was chasing, it was my grandfather after my father with a shotgun!

See.
Your GranDa had good old fashioned values.
I'm advocating a good old fashioned chase*



*This does not mean you are to pm meh

Sailormoon

That's pure mean, she clearly doesn't deserve to live... I say kill her!
Heh, I told some guy in the paranormal section to stop taking drugs,and was banned for a week!! hopefully moderators here are a little kinder.
But back to the topic: she's certainly not very nice to dismiss you like that, don't let someone as thick as her upset you for any longer than a day!

LolaLuv

Begob wrote: »

*This does not mean you are to pm meh

Lol, no fear of that, I'm not feeling especially charitable today!

panda100

Im sorry but dismissively laughing in someones face is not classy.

Perhaps you dont know this girl as well as you think you do, because anyone with a bit of class or even compassion wouldn't laugh in your face.A women worth going out with would have gently told you that they prefer being friends or something like that.

MagicMarker

TBH i wouldn't think too much into the laughing... Some people deal with things in a strange way. They deal with stressful situations by laughing. It could have just been a knee jerk reaction.

Silverfish

Sailormoon wrote: »

That's pure mean, she clearly doesn't deserve to live... I say kill her!
Heh, I told some guy in the paranormal section to stop taking drugs,and was banned for a week!! hopefully moderators here are a little kinder.
But back to the topic: she's certainly not very nice to dismiss you like that, don't let someone as thick as her upset you for any longer than a day!

Please read the charter.

Drift

There's a big difference between a nervous timid laugh and a laugh accompanied by a dismissive hand gesture. She didn't even say anything like thanks for asking, or that she preferred him as a friend.

I'm sorry for saying this OP but she's a grade A bitch. On the up side you'll end up getting a much better woman now that this wagon has been cleared out of the way.

hmmmmmm

There's no class in laughing. I think you have built up this girl in your head and still hoping somehow despite this that she will see the light. Maybe your friends could set yourself with someone more in your league or go speeddating, something to build up your confidence again.

Victor

wow100, I deleted you post. Maybe you have a point, but its too harsh.

LegacyUser

thanks all

Yes some good insights there, with a glass of wine or 2 to the good i would agree i have built her up in my head, and am of course suffering from dashed hopes,

but it could be worse for sure, ill get over it.

TomMc

Life Lesson: Never put anyone on a pedestal or meet your hero's - you will only be disappointed.

Trust you don't have oneitis - terrible affliction.

Onwards & Upwards OP.

Karen_*

You shouldn't be the one feeling crap OP. Would you want to go out with her now? I hope not. You're out of her league.

littlefriend

The mistake is you thought she was out of your league and therefore acted that way towards her..this in turn made sure she did not think of you as a potential partner. TBH I doubt she laughed AT you, I'd say she was just surprised.
Try not to feel bad about this - she has let herself down and you have learned a lesson [ you know that quote from Henry Ford or somebody - if you think you can, or think you can't, you are probably right]
Please don't get down about this, I know thats easy to say but really it is her loss.

Karen_*

I'd say she was less surprised and more rude ignorant and childish with an over inflated sense of self importance. What a happy life she has ahead. I hope she doesn't fall off that pedastal she has herself on, its a long way down.

Velvet Vocals

she laughed wrote: »

I look well people tell me, in my 30s have a good job, house etc not that i think that stuff matters really,

hey you can ask me out, I wont laugh at you!:)

No seriously, maybe it really was just surprise, I've done that once or twice, not actually laughed but smiled in shock and little embarrassment when someone has asked me out... especially if I know I going to be saying no. No one wants to do that, you don't want to have to say no to someone but you can't say yes if you don't feel anything for them and make it 10 times worse.
Look there's no need to feel embarrassed in front of her or your friends now; seriously, you had the balls to ask her out. She's going to be flattered and nothing less, that's what she'll be telling friends and they'll just be bummed it didn't work out for you if they'd been trying to set you up in the past.
Honestly, just get right back up on the horse and ask someone else out!

beth-lou

If she laughed at you when you put yourself on the line like that, then she really ins't all that nice. That's a very insensitive, immature and cruel way to react to something so obviously hard for you to do.
I agree, you dodged a bullet and going on your posts so far, she is out of your league. You sound absolutely lovely!

Solarball10

Why is everyone coming down so hard on the girl? People react to stuff in different ways. Granted, if it was a disbelieving laugh, accompanied with the wave of the hand, as if to say "Me? Go out with YOU?", yeah she's a bitch.
But OP, you say she's a lovely girl and you were quite good friends - surely friends wouldn't treat each other like that. My guess is, she just completely viewed you as a friend, had no clue you liked her, and that was her natural reaction when you did ask her out, maybe she even thought you were joking?! She probably felt really bad about it afterwards. Have you seen her since? Or did she text/phone to apologise?

AngryBadger

ozzyoh wrote: »

Why is everyone coming down so hard on the girl? People react to stuff in different ways. Granted, if it was a disbelieving laugh, accompanied with the wave of the hand, as if to say "Me? Go out with YOU?", yeah she's a bitch.

I reckon it's because the OP has already said that he felt the "wave" after the laugh was very dismissive.

Also, if they were such good friends then she should have enough cop on and consideration to not completely belittle the OP in this way.

Karen_*

ozzyoh wrote: »

Why is everyone coming down so hard on the girl? People react to stuff in different ways.

Very true but she could still have said no with some manners and grace. Treating someone as a joke is never an acceptable reaction.

mixer101

OP, the most important part of this episode was that you had the guts to ask, so fair play to you on that. You probabaly tore yourself up for a week or two beforehand...'should I?' ...'ah no, she'd never be interested..', ' I think I will...'etc. But you did it, you took a deep breath and jumped in and did it. Far better to have tried and failed, than never to have tried at all. This is experience, next time you want to ask a girl out, it WILL be easier and you will have more confidence, you mightn't see it that way now, but soon you'll be able to look back and see that the loser that evening was her, definitely not you.
At the end of the day, she's simply a girl/woman (a rude one, IMO) and there are thousands more, some more beautiful, some not so, but never believe someone is out of your league, we're all on this planet together playing the same game in the same league and only a certain amount of (unknown) time in which to do it....go out there, open your eyes and check out all the other contestants - most of whom you'll find will have more respect for their fellow-players.
Well done, OP, a simple setback, go on out and enjoy what's still out there and have lots of fun while you're doing it!!

Burial

she laughed wrote: »

I just asked a girl out and she pretty much just laughed in my face!

She lives near me and a mutual friend had been trying to set us up for ages.
We met and we became friendly, had coffee and a few house drinks with other people a few times, and i thought i had seen some signs she liked me, although i knew she was totally out of my league so to speak. ( I know about the "out of my league" thread), She is taller than me by a few inches and such a lovely person, as well as beautiful.

I got the nerve from somewhere based on the idea that if i seen her in the future with some guy i would be kicking myself, but as i said she literally laughed in my face. I don't really blame her, and she wouldn't have meant to, it was just a natural reaction.

I have been single for 3 years since my longtime girlfriend broke up with me, i did try and ask one other girl out last year and it didn't go great either, but this was just terrible.

I don't know how i will be able to look her in the face again, and will be so embarrassed in front of our mutual friends.

I look well people tell me, in my 30s have a good job, house etc not that i think that stuff matters really, but i not sure where to go from here, or what to say when i see her on the street.

any advice would be great
Thanks.

Wow, how inhumane... I haven't read the thread (Will do in a min), but if it was me, I'd laugh at her when she asks me anything serious and "brush" her off on the street like she did to you. Tit-for-tat in my books... I mean I find this horrible. Why couldn't she even have the decency to just say the standard stuff like "Sorry, I don't think of you that way" or anything like that... I mean even if she thought of you as a friend she wouldn't do this to you... You've nothing to be embarressed about at all. Why would your friend think less of you for asking someone you like out? You said yourself you did this because you wanted to... If anything they'd have lost respect for that girl, I mean to treat a "friend" like that is just ridiculous! Also, if this was her "natural reaction", I'd be very worried...

LegacyUser

Thanks to all again,

I am happy i asked because as was said above i was going around for days working up to it and thinking about it, so by the time i did it i probably did have her on a pedestal.

I think she had to know it was coming as she often mentioned our friends wish to set us up, and i think she said many things that were a sign she was interested, and my own friends who seen her with me said it was definitely a romantic thing as opposed to friendship. On the other hand all this may all have just been my interpretation, and what i wanted to believe.
I also think she was initially interested/impressed in what i do for a living, in which most people would be super confident and cool, and as she got to know me seen that i wasn't really like that at all. She said she has gone out with people from the same area in the past.

I thought she might text all-right but no, but i will see her at the weekend at something we are both invited to, i was initially not going to go, but this would make it worse long term.
I really just wanted to go on a date with her, I cant blame her at all, she just didn't want to go with me.I like her a lot but actually knowing that i liked her enough to ask her out, which was not easy is good in itself, i will get over the embarrassment i am sure.

Thanks for the encouragement and kind comments.

beth-lou

You're a bit of a gem!
You'll meet someone who sees that.

Overheal

Wibbs wrote: »

You dodged a bullet. Look unless you walked up to her in a gorilla suit with an ostrich feather sticking out of your fundament, then her laughing in your face is a good indication of the type of person you're dealing with. She simple had no excuse for it. Even basic manners would tell one that. As I say bullet dodged and the word in your head should be "Next!". Open your eyes to the women around you. there are literally billions in the world. Those odds are pretty good.

Where was THIS advice when I was 14!

On the bright side OP thats probably the worst case scenario for asking someone out and you took it with colors. Now you're ready to be accepted/rejected without fear :pac:

LegacyUser

beth-lou wrote: »

You're a bit of a gem!
You'll meet someone who sees that.

Thank you Beth-Lou, but i am far from it! You sound lovely too.

Now..maybe if i could talk to girls as easily as it was to write about it here ...life would be great!

littlefriend

You really do sound like a great guy so try to put this behind you. You've mentioned your friends a few times so you can't be THAT bad at talking to people if you are successful with your friendships and in your business life.
I'm in my 30's too and would hope to meet somebody and all of that. The rest of my life is fairly sorted but couple of long relationships that didn't work out before now means that I'm single and I don't really want to be - well certainly not forever. That said, I couldn't think of anything worse than being with the wrong person. I think at this age asking somebody out [especially somebody you know] is that much harder because there is that bit more meaning behind it [this is a guess as I never have actually asked anyone out, I'm not sure I'd be able to]. Anyway, I'm kind of babbling now, I just think you sound like a lovely and you really, really shouldn't feel down over this. Her loss and all of that so chin up pet.
If you need a friend to chat to pm me anytime. I've made a few friends through boards and its a good outlet to have away from your normal life

I just wanted to say that some people are just prone to saying the wrong thing in 'awkward' situations and just come across in a way they totally didn't mean to! I remember when my BF hinted at us meeting up for a pint sometime, I made a comment that came out sounding really b*tchy and blunt, totally NOT what I intended to say! Thankfully he gave me another chance and we laugh about it now, but he could have just thought I was a cow and never spoken to me again!

sunzz

Sound like a top notch guy to be honest she sounds revolting.
I've been asked out by girls who i would never ask out myself but my god i was raised with some dignity to decline politely and perhaps even tell the girl in question if she didn't know me all that well that i was kinda seeing someone etc etc and if i wasn't i would love to go on a date just to make it easier on the person in question

To laugh was well off, to raise her hand well you go a lucky escape you don't want to socialize with someone who has so little respect for people.

Really hope you find happiness asap, you deserve it.