marriage in bits

primastar

i dont know what to do. my wife and i were not getting on with the last 6 months, all of a sudden we had a fight and she left, i was devastated, she moved into her mums for a few days, it was what i needed, i got the kick up the arse i needed, then she came back to tell me it was finished. it seemed too much too soon, i had changed and was really trying to help out at home and with our son.
then i found out she had been getting close with my bro in law, she said they were just friends but i know there is more to it, its 3 months since all this blew up, we r still in seperate beds. what can i do? i want to reconcile but she just wants to be on her own, out of this house.

siobhan.murphy

you will have to get her to sit down and listen to you,telling her that you have changed is no good you will have to show her and make her see that you mean business.
maybe the bro in law is only being supportive by being a friend,but you must ask yourself if she was off with him why did she feel the need to stray?

Good luck anyhow.

primastar

In fairness, i have changed for the better since all of this blew-up. i want the chance to prove it to her, but i feel i am fighting a losing battle, we are going to counsilling, it is working for me but she is totally disenchanted with it, i feel that she is still talking and txting still even tho she promised a month ago she would stop. i dont want to be pestering her by questions that she will not give me a honest answer. is moving away only what she wants to be with him or does she want to be on her own, or is their a chance of reconcilliation??

iguana

Hi Primastar, I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time. You will probably get more responses in the Personal Issues forum, let me know if you would like me to move it there.

primastar

im new to this so if u move it so please.

iguana

Moved to PI

Fanny Cradock

Well you seem to be doing all the right things. As well as making fundamental changes to your behaviour and getting counselling, maybe you need a grand gesture - or a series of them - to convince her that there is hope.

primastar

a grand gesture?? i tried all that flowers, cinema , holidays, rock gigs, etc. i dunno like what so?

The Sweeper

You say you've changed.

Can you describe what you think your behaviour was like before this change, so we can get an idea of why your missus left you after just one big row?

LolaLuv

Six months is not a very long rough patch, imo, not enough to break up a marriage, especially when there's a child involved. Unless you were abusive or horribly negligent, there's likely something that doesn't involve you making her want out. I'm not saying it's her brother-in-law, but maybe she's just tired of being married or something. You're doing everything else right; maybe now it's time to just give her some space to sort things out for herself.

You sound like a good guy. I'm sorry things are happening like this.

MagicMarker

We need to know what you've changed from and how it got to this.

Were you cut off from your emotions, not giving enough affection? Or were you a smack head who would give her a smack or two?

See the difference in those two scenarios?

primastar

neglect was probably a problem as i was working all the hrs i could get, i left her at home minding the baby and i was the provider. basic enough principle but thats the way it was, she now has a part-time job, and feels independence. affection and intimacy were also a problem on my part as i pushed her away sometimes, she remembers all this now and she does not want to feel that anymore.
i know i have issues to deal with but all i want is a chance to stick together and find a reasonable solution to a problem i am guilty of letting get to this stage.

LolaLuv

How old is your child? Is it possible she has post-partum depression? That's not to make it seem as though she's in the wrong, it's just a thought.

Wibbs

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

You say you've changed.

Can you describe what you think your behaviour was like before this change, so we can get an idea of why your missus left you after just one big row?

Thats where I would be looking too. You say six months of problems, but the chances are good that the seeds of her issue lay before that. 6 months ago was when it got to a point where it became obvious. The big row was the straw that broke the camels back. I would also reckon, the big gesture rarely works. It often feels like "too little too late", especially if the issue she had has been in play for a while, or she'll feel "it's only when I threaten to leave he does something, if I go back, it'll go back to the problem sooner or later". If you want to keep her, show her you've changed, don't tell her. You basically have to gain her trust back. Losing it is all too easy, but regaining it will take time and effort. Think of the consistent little things, not the grand romantic gesture. They're only icing on the cake of a good relationship.

Nevyn

PillyPen wrote: »

How old is your child? Is it possible she has post-partum depression? That's not to make it seem as though she's in the wrong, it's just a thought.

Hang on the first two years of a child's life is damn hard on new parents.
IF one of them does not adjust and leaves the other one consistently holding the baby that will ruin any relationship and post natal depression does not factor into it.

Beruthiel

primastar wrote: »

neglect was probably a problem as i was working all the hrs i could get, i left her at home minding the baby and i was the provider. basic enough principle but thats the way it was, she now has a part-time job, and feels independence. affection and intimacy were also a problem on my part as i pushed her away sometimes, she remembers all this now and she does not want to feel that anymore.

You say that you've been having problems for the last six months, I can pretty much guarantee that for her, it's been going on a lot longer, festering slowly until it came out six months ago. She probably said nothing for a long time, perhaps there were subtle hints at the fact she never saw you, that you paid her no attention and that ye basically were growing apart.

You say you are making changes now, for her, it maybe too little too late.

primastar wrote:

she just wants to be on her own, out of this house

Unless she is willing to talk to you about this, I'm not even sure what to suggest.
Other than perhaps, writing her a long letter about what this is doing to you and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get her back.
If she gives you a second chance, make use of it as I'd guess it will be your last one.
I wish you the best and hope it works out.

LegacyUser

I second the idea of the letter and I would suggest that in it, you mention not just that you are willing to change but what you are willing to change.

Try describing how you see your life together if you stay together, and bear in mind that this would mean making changes that will actually cost you some effort.

For example, you said you've been trying to "help out" more with the home and child. But actually doing a full 50% of everything that needs doing, especially spending time with your child, could involve some embarrassment or difficulty at work in reducing your hours or convincing your boss. I do acknowledge that men can feel pressure to be the provider but I'm using this example to say that convincing your wife that you are serious about building a new stronger and equal partnership will not be pain-free. Would you be willing to go so far as to take an income cut? With many parents such things seem non-negotiable and they will consequently never have equal partnerships within the home.

LolaLuv

Thaedydal wrote: »

Hang on the first two years of a child's life is damn hard on new parents.
IF one of them does not adjust and leaves the other one consistently holding the baby that will ruin any relationship and post natal depression does not factor into it.

I knew someone would take it like that, that's not what I meant. It popped into my head as a possibility, I'm not saying that he doesn't have a hand in anything. It's not an offensive suggestion, anyway.

My sister was just diagnosed with it, perhaps it's on my mind more than it ought to be.

LegacyUser

its simple, sit down and talk it tru face o face, if ye cant do that, get counsilling of some form or shape

primastar

what i also did not inform ye of was when i came home from the honeymoon, i did not be intimate once during a 9 week period with her, i dunno whether it was work, money or the way life should be, i just lost all interest, stress was also a factor and plus she always liked getting compliments, like all-women do. i just felt i had my possesion and no one was gonna take it off of me!
how wrong was that. all an all i myt not deserve it but with a new house a 3 yr old starting pre-school and bills to pay.
and also 2 houses to work for just dont make sense.

primastar

my wife and my child left y/day at 6pm. i found out that all along she has been keeping contact with the other man, she told me she wants to be friends with him and there could be more to it than that, she has feelings for him, like what the hell! is that just lust or the feeling of something bigger thats going to happen or the closeness they shared in both of them going through a break up?
i have talked and talked about it for hrs and really made a go of going to psychotherapy and counsilling with the last 2 months, she was telling me that we needed a break for a period and that she would be on her own to see how things went, and maybe she could come back stronger to save it in time. but i just feel that all along she was using me to save up her money and move out and to be on her own and thinking of this man.
i still love and want her back i know what i have done to upset and push her away, what can i do? i have not slept in 2 days, my head, heart and soul are aching, how do i live without her re-quiting all these feelings i have for her?? i am scared she is gone forever.....

Poirot

Primastar - my heart goes out to you.
I was in a similar situation some months ago - except that I found out that my wife was having an affair.
The only advice I can give you is to be as supportive and considerate to her as you can be.
Ask her out on a date, try to rekindle the romance, she loved you once, she can love you again.
Try to win her back, forget about the other guy, just focus your attention on her.
If this doesn't work, than at least you know you have given it your best shot.
Good luck....

primastar

we are only dealing for our childs sake now, how do i get her to go out with me, she feels we are only 20% married at the mo.

LegacyUser

i would give her plenty space at the moment, she aint missing u, so just get her out of ur head, leave the area for a while, get her wondering where ur going and stuff. ie. make her jealous.

primastar

hal2340 wrote: »

i would give her plenty space at the moment, she aint missing u, so just get her out of ur head, leave the area for a while, get her wondering where ur going and stuff. ie. make her jealous.

i am giving her the space, she needs to talk to me everyday anyway about or son, she is showing a few signs of regret, i want not to hear it tho, i am struggling with my feelings. i know i would take her back but she doesnt need to know that or have that feeling of comfort.

Poirot

It is good that you are seeing her ever day. Try to keep your contact with her as positive as possible - no recriminations etc. This is a new situation now and you have to adjust, as hard as it might seem.
Things will never be as they were before - I can vouch for that. But if you are like me then I suspect that you will accept 80% of what you had before.
Try to keep positive - (I know how hard that can be).
Poirot

Marksie

primastar wrote: »

i want not to hear it tho, i am struggling with my feelings. i know i would take her back but she doesnt need to know that or have that feeling of comfort.

isn't not wanting to hear it and hiding your true feelings at least part of what the issue was.?
man, open up. If you want to even start saving your marriage that is what you have to begin to do!

Listen to what she has to say and say what is going on with you.
Basic communication on an intimate level. Its not good shutting the door after the horse has bolted here, but that is wehere it fell apart in the first place.

If you are even remotely serious about making an attempt now is the time to begin to take chances, you have nothing to loose anyway!!!!

hal2340 wrote: »

get her wondering where ur going and stuff. ie. make her jealous.

Do not do this, this is totally crap advice. This will only drive her further away

beth-lou

+1 million.

Don't play games. tell her the truth.

Ok don't harass her every time you see her and don't be a weeping mess. But please at least be honest with her. Tell her you miss her. Tell her what it is you want to change, and mean it. This is a marraige and this is your life and her life, not a schoolyard crush.

If she does have regrets, then seeing you as her husband who loves her will be much more encouraging than seeing you as a cold and aloof ex who couldn't care less. Be strong, determined and direct by all means, but above all be honest. You have nothing left to lose and so much to gain if you can sort this mess out.

All the best, and I hope something good can come of it.

BK2

You seem to be taking all the blame for the bad patch but a break up involves two people. You have said that you tried counselling which worked for you but not for her and that she is having conversations with another man who she has said she has "feelings" for. Perhaps counselling is not working for her because she is disconnected. Perhaps she is telling you how you are failing her to deflect from her own activity. It is great that you are willing to look at yourself and what you have done wrong and how you can change for the better but you both need to do that. I am not saying you have not created problems, I just don't think you are the only one to blame. One person usually isn't. You need to have an honest conversation with her and lay all the cards on the table and ask her to do the same. You say that you worked too much and didn't pay attention but you are sole earner perhaps she wanted to live in a certain area, wanted a certain standard of living which meant that you needed to work as much as you did, maybe you both created the problem. At the moment you seem to be promising the moon and the stars to get her to stay and it is not working perhaps because the real root of the problem may not yet have been discovered.

TheBlock

BK2 wrote: »

You seem to be taking all the blame for the bad patch but a break up involves two people. You have said that you tried counselling which worked for you but not for her and that she is having conversations with another man who she has said she has "feelings" for. Perhaps counselling is not working for her because she is disconnected. Perhaps she is telling you how you are failing her to deflect from her own activity. It is great that you are willing to look at yourself and what you have done wrong and how you can change for the better but you both need to do that. I am not saying you have not created problems, I just don't think you are the only one to blame. One person usually isn't. You need to have an honest conversation with her and lay all the cards on the table and ask her to do the same. You say that you worked too much and didn't pay attention but you are sole earner perhaps she wanted to live in a certain area, wanted a certain standard of living which meant that you needed to work as much as you did, maybe you both created the problem. At the moment you seem to be promising the moon and the stars to get her to stay and it is not working perhaps because the real root of the problem may not yet have been discovered.

I tend to agree with the above and will give the following observation based on the fact that I have gone through a marrige breakup myself. The only advice I can give you is not to completely blame yourself. You have admitted that there were things you have done wrong or should have done differently. You have tried to resolve this by explaining this to your partner and offering to change your ways. You have gone to an independent counsellor to try and get to and address the problem. Unfortunatley from your previous post your partner did not seem to respond well to the counselling this may be because as far as they were concerened counselling was not required and they simply needed the break. I think what you need to do now is take a break from the marrige yourself. Just for a week or so to let her resolve what ever issues she can see. Maybe in a week or so ask her to sit with you to try and articulate where she thinks it went wrong. Don't promise to fix all the problems just ask her what she feels the problems where.

You need to think about what it was you wanted as a couple when you decided to get married and to compare that to where you are or were just before the final breakdown. It may be a long slog but perhaps just perhaps what your wife needs is to realise just how much she is in love with you. In the meantime you need to get yourself back on track and try and become the man she fell in love with to begin with. That might mean some simple changes.

Don't spend so much time in work (cash rich time poor) you have a young family you should be spending a huge amount of your time here you don't need to have money to be happy! (I know this is often said and mainly by rich people but belive me it's true).

Spend some time with your wife. When you get married romance does not end. Don't think to yourself I've got her now sorted!! Hug her on a whim display love and affection.

This may get to some posters but look after yourself. Try and keep her physically attracted to you.

Above all remember you have a son who adores both of you.

Splendour

Hi OP, I am separated 10 years and I hate to hear of any relationship breaking up as it's a damn hard road to go down...

My advice to you would be to leave her where she's at and just be there for her no matter how difficult this may seem. My ex claimed undying love for me when I told him I'd have enough and was leaving him, but when he realised I was serious about leaving him he got extremely abusive and gave me tons of hassle. I often wonder to this day if he'd been patience and given me more time, maybe we'd be together now...

primastar

Its so hard to do that, i know i said i would, but she is away for the w/end at a wedding afters with her girlfriends and i could not sleep last night as i was so bothered what she was at, i do want to trust her but its so so tortureous whether i can. I love her still but she is wearing my patience a bit thin, i should be taking control of the situation but i am afraid if i even try. I will be pushing her away forever.

dixiefly

Man, I am very very sorry to hear about that.
One point that doesnt seem to have been covered is the involvement of the 3rd person - the brother-in-law. How is he related? Is he married or in a relationship? If so, is that relationship in trouble?

Did you consider going and approaching him and warning him off from allowing this relationship to develop as it was affecting your marriage? A lot of guys would kick the cr*p out of someone for doing this and getting involved with their wives and messing about with their minds.

I dont think your loss in intimacy is enough to give up a marriage. Very few marriages go plain sailing - be it early, during or late in the marriage.

Another point, your wife was away this weekend - w was minding your daughter? I hope that your relationship is good enough that you can agree on this type of thing.

primastar

i am minding child for weekend, she is moving into rented house on monday, i am helping her with that.
but its tearing me in 2 now to know if she is up to something again.

dixiefly

But what about the brother-in-law? What's the story with him?

LegacyUser

get him outta the equation altogether, warn him off or tell your sister or does she know already? he sounds like a bit of a muppet for interfering in yer probs.

IRISH RAIL

I have to agree there if he is family he should know better

best having a talk with the sister confess all and get rid of him it might make things easyer

vincenzo1975

a small gesture, but try this one.

If you are helping her move, make sure you slip the wedding album into one of the bags, it will be a reminder of happier times for the two of you. Put a small note inside the cover saying very simply 'I will always love you, I will always be ready for when you want to come back, Im sorry' or something like that.

Leave it where she will find it when she is unpacking.

The best thing you could do now to prove yourself, is to give her respect and time, and build your relationship with the child as much as possible.

Focus on your daughter.

Hope it all works out.

primastar

hi all,
thanks for all the advice, she went into her new house y/day leaving me behind with a shell of a home wearing me down, i physically cant take it ne more. cant eat sleep walk or barely talk, the only outlet is this here lap-top.
im so so shattered from all of this i can honestly say that i will be able to face my maker with a dignity i thought i would never have.
i am a better man for dealing with this in the way i have, 2 yrs ago i would have maimed him and anyone else around him, but now all of this has made me shrewder, cunning and morally aware of where im at.
She left of her own free will and my plea's for requisition were left at the garden gate.
I still love the girl as she is the mom of my child, i thought i could trust her but she just danced all over my head and its too too muchfor me to continue the re-quiteing

IRISH RAIL

Well hang in there for your sanitys sake.
without getting into the "are you sure its finished" end of things

stay strong ive found these things usually work out better in the long run I know you cant see that now.
is there anyone you can get in for a few weeks to keep you company while you adjust ? maybe let out a room.

but now all of this has made me shrewder, cunning and morally aware of where im at

been there its not healthy you wont be able to have a proper relationship if your cunning and untrusting.

dont contact her for a few weeks while you get your head together if your on the phone to her all the time it will only drive you crazy
and good luck the next bit will be hard

Newlifebegin

In all fairness if you truly love her & really want her back then none of this should have happened.

Its obvious that you've done something wrong & not just overnight but gradually over time.. Believe me i've been der & me & my husband split up... Tried to sort things out but I just wasn't happy but this is your story here & just to give you some encouragment wer back together & we wer split up for at least 5months... We hadn't seen each other for that amount of time or talked ...

You do need to sit down like somebody mentioned & really have a heart to heart...

Der mayb big issues to solve but what most annoyed me was..... the little things....

Cup in the sink or left on the table... Not been able to make a bed properly etc... You get the idea...

I wish you all the best & if you really need some answers PM me & i'd be only to happy to help you out xxxxxx Gud luck

MugMugs

Slate me here but I think it's dead in the water. She doesnt want to be with you by the sounds of it.

Think about it. Go for a long walk.... A week long walk away if you need it and think it all through. You have a child but dont stay in a rotten and dead marriage for the sake of the child because the child will only suffer.

This lady does not sound like she wants your marriage anymore. Hard as it is, that sounds like the case.

Speak to her. Openly.... Talk it through and for the health of your child and indeed you own mental health come to a mutual decision.

Sorry pal.... Really am....

LegacyUser

Hey, hang on in there...it will get better! Think of who you were before you met her, the friends you had, the hopes you had. You are still that person! You've just travelled through 6 months of madness, afraid to be yourself and paying constant attention to someone who was holding your relationship to ransom. Take a deep breath and free your mind from the turmoil. You're probably thinking that you didn't want to be in a failed relationship and this was inflicted upon you against your will...and yet you're probably beating yourself up blaming yourself, but you have to realise it was beyond your control, you couldn't control her decisions, who knows what was going on in her head but you've got to free your mind of her for a while.
I hate to spell it out as it is, but people can change and can fall out of love. Your wife probably does not love you anymore. She's not playing games, she's getting out of what she considers to be a situation where she was in a house share with someone she doesn't love. Now before you get a panic attack just think, she has done you a massive favour, the turmoil within the home has ended. You now know where you stand. You can FIND YOURSELF again. You don't need to watch over her, she is not part of you, you can stand up as an individual and but you'll have to learn to live all over again.
My heart really goes out to you for the trauma you have suffered and must still be suffering, but stay positive.
I'm in a similar situation, only she hasn't left, she's waiting for me to leave and I can't really afford to because I'm the only bread winner in the home. We've been in this stalemate for 6 years now, sleeping in the same bed but there may as well be the berlin wall between us. I went through what you went through, not knowing what I did wrong apart from work hard, and then spoiling her like a princess, doing 100% of the housework, paying for her to have weekends with friends, everything she wanted...and still she told me she was no longer in love with me. Well, it took 5 years before I woke up one morning and realised that the torture in my life was because of my feelings for her, and the more I analysed it, without being hostile about it, I realised she was the problem in my life not the other way round. I no longer love the woman, couldn't care much about her apart from the decency you'd show towards another human, we're like two friends sharing a house (with kids). If she met a guy and ran off with him I'd dance a jig!! He'd be doing me a favour. As it stands with her not working I can't leave for economic reasons unless I want to end up in bedsit land.

Keep the faith, find yourself, realise that the problem in your life was her, you weren't the problem in her life. As much as you wanted to live happily ever after just realise that it can't happen with her but it may happen with someone else in the future.

Try to focus on YOU for a while, and best of luck, need any more advice post back here!

Esel

primastar wrote: »

... i physically cant take it ne more. cant eat sleep walk or barely talk, the only outlet is this here lap-top.
im so so shattered from all of this i can honestly say that i will be able to face my maker with a dignity i thought i would never have....

Hey man, I see you logged out just after posting. If you are reading this, don't give those type of thoughts any purchase in your head. If you get to meet your maker, I don't think you would be perceived as dignified.

Taking your own life will not 'solve' things - it will just inflict unimaginable pain on the people who love you and are close to you - your daughter, your own immediate family, and yes, on your wife. Don't think you would be punishing her, or making her regret the decisions she has made. She will hate you for being so selfish, and with good reason. You would be casting a terrible shadow over many, many lives.

It's a facile thing to say to you, and it may sound trite, but what you need to hold on to is the fact that things will get better in your life. You may or may not get back together with your wife, but the hurt and pain you are feeling now will ease and fade with time.

Please, if you do read this, consider going to your GP - or any GP! - and tell them how you are feeling. It would be a good idea to make an appointment, so that the doctor can give you the time you will need, and so that you don't feel rushed because the waiting room is full of people.

You must have a friend or family member who you are close to. Forget all that macho bullsh!t, get in touch with them, say you are up the creek and need someone to talk to. Let it all out. Or ring the Samaritans on 1850 60 90 90 - they have a 24-hour helpline.

Get in touch with your counsellor/therapist - ask for an urgent appointment, just for you. Talk, and get things in focus.

Keep going, brother. People need you.

vorbis

Bizarrely the wife seems to be getting a completely free ride here !!!

She's openly told you she's thinking of getting together with the brother in law OP!
That should have been marriage over. you simply can't tolerate such disrespect and expect to have a happy relationship.

From what I can gather, the problems stem from you working too much hours and not making time for each other. This can happen in any relationship. I will say that its the job of both people to resolve issues like this. I really hate this attitude of "She was upset for months but you didn't notice"

She had a responsibility to bring such issues to the fore and help get a resolution.
Working a 60 / 70 hour week I would imagine is every bit as stressful as raising a child.
Why were you working such hours? Not to be cynical but was she spending the bulk of the money? I see it in several relationships, the wife wants the nice house, car, certain furniture, do up the living room. For all the hours worked where was all the money going??

Frankly its too late now OP for the marriage. Find yourself a good lawyer and ensure you get your visitation rights and a fair distribution of property.

paperclip2

Newlifebegin wrote: »

In all fairness if you truly love her & really want her back then none of this should have happened.

Newlifebegin wrote: »

Its obvious that you've done something wrong & not just overnight but gradually over time.. .

I don't think the OP is as responsible for his wifes happiness as this seems to imply! What about what his missus wanted? The OP could love and want her back with all his heart but if she doesn't want the same thing then realistically there is sod all he can do. Yes, the OP has a responsiblity to her but she had a responsibility to him. She could have opened up sooner and been a helluva lot clearer about what she needed from him. She was the one tip-toeing around the brother-in-law.
Please hang on in there. I know it must feel like complete and utter hell right now. But it will get better. I know this is cold comfort right now, in the throes of it, but it won't always feel like this. Take care of yourself in all of this too, ok.

LegacyUser

I have to disagree with the last post, the OP behaved in the correct manner in all of this. There's no need for agression, blame or anger. He has been supportive, understanding, tried looking at himself and even gone to counselling. Why blow his top at this point and start the blame game. He did the right thing by not approaching the brother in law. The whole situation is horrible and yes I agree with the last post where it is pointed out that the one person who didn't make any effort in all of this was the wife.
But being married unfortunately is something which requires two people to work at, not one. If his wife showed no interest then that was it, even winning the lotto euromillions wouldn't have changed it, it may have delayed it but she would have left anyway.
If she has fallen out of love you can't change it. The OP has to break that bond with her in his mind, he has to accept she has moved to a rented house (and not her partents house like before) because she has her own plans. It could mean another guy is on the scene, possibly the brother in law, why else make such a permanent decision by getting her own place and not moving back to her parents like she did during the trial separation some weeks ago.
I agree, go see your GP, go see a solicitor and ensure you ensure your posessions are protected. Ensure you have some arrangements to see your child. Here's a suggestion which would please everyone. Why not arrange a holiday for just you and your child with your wife's consent. She'd jump at the chance to have her child away for a week or two. You would get a chance to bond and realise that although your wife has left you are still a dad and a big part of the child's life. This may also soften your wife's heart, women tend to love people who are devoted to their kids. If there's another guy on the scene it could be a fling and when that goes stale all the kind and decent behaviour you show towards your child will be rewarded.
I doubt she will come back, I don't think you should take her back. You should ask yourself why? Why would you? Make a list of everything which was negative over the past 6 months, I bet you were walking on egg shells. Compare that to how you feel holidaying with your child. Yes, you'll feel a little lonely for a while, but there's a great world out there where decent guys can find love.
Be brave, but share this with your GP, you will feel depressed and will need some form of support. Remember, it is not the end of the world, just a significant change in your life and the beginning of a new one. Try to get out a bit, I know it's difficult but you need to meet people and realise that you too have a life.

Many of us have been through this and you are not alone, so book that holiday and behave towards your wife as you have all along, nice guys get rewarded when they discover that every cloud has a silver lining.

primastar

Its still too raw, i had child today and when she came to collect him after work i couldnt bare to see him go, i brokedown in front of her, whineing and regretting all thats gone on, how can i get over this every day i see her with him. all the guilt of what we have led to this, is just cutting my very being in 2. I am not coping with this i need some form of therapy or counsilling that just aint there at the moment?? Please help me....

Nevyn

I suggest you go to your dr, tell them what is going on and ask for a referal to speak to someone.

primastar

ive done all the councilling, i just dont want to see her nemore, its wrecking my head, i want her 1 minute to comeback. but i know it wont work, she is humming and hawing about if she could, she just at the end of the day wants to keep her options open in case the house of cards comes tumbling down around her, what is the proper solution?

IRISH RAIL

I think op you need to bide your time here, I know its not easy keep away from the drink that will make things worse. maybe open up the golden pages and see a local counseller just to get it all out to a stranger helps. you would be suprised how many people are here for you including all the boardsies.
hang in there it will get easyer as the days go on.