What made y'all wanna join the PSNI

Zzoop

That's the best way - blame it on them - you're right.

The best way to go about it is to apply a campaign of passive aggression until they dump you.

For example :

Step 1

"Oh fiddle-sticks! - I've just stood on you new GHD hair straighteners - they're broke now - You shouldn't have just left them lying around at your arse."

(When I say "stood on" - I really mean thrashed off the wall a couple of times - they're hard to break just by standing on them - If you want to be subtle - use a hammer on them out the back when she's not at home.)

Step 2.

Never.. and I mean, NEVER - pay her compliments - but go out of your way to pay all her friends compliments - even her male friends. This will make her think she's not sexually appealing to you anymore. If you can, try to throw in a few insults that will play on her mind a bit.. you know that ones - "Are you SURE you should be eating that?"

Step 3.

Repeat Steps 1 & 2 but make up different senarios until she eventually dumps you.

Problem solved.

(For extra finess - try to cry when she dumps you, because then she'll tell her friends and they'll feel sorry for you - you might therefore get lucky with one of them. It also helps because you've already been paying her friends compliments so they're already primed for the taking.)

MrsGeneHunt

Hilarious! Seriously ROTFLMAO:D

Zzoop wrote: »

That's the best way - blame it on them - you're right.

The best way to go about it is to apply a campaign of passive aggression until they dump you.

For example :

Step 1

"Oh fiddle-sticks! - I've just stood on you new GHD hair straighteners - they're broke now - You shouldn't have just left them lying around at your arse."

(When I say "stood on" - I really mean thrashed off the wall a couple of times - they're hard to break just by standing on them - If you want to be subtle - use a hammer on them out the back when she's not at home.)

Step 2.

Never.. and I mean, NEVER - pay her compliments - but go out of your way to pay all her friends compliments - even her male friends. This will make her think she's not sexually appealing to you anymore. If you can, try to throw in a few insults that will play on her mind a bit.. you know that ones - "Are you SURE you should be eating that?"

Step 3.

Repeat Steps 1 & 2 but make up different senarios until she eventually dumps you.

Problem solved.

(For extra finess - try to cry when she dumps you, because then she'll tell her friends and they'll feel sorry for you - you might therefore get lucky with one of them. It also helps because you've already been paying her friends compliments so they're already primed for the taking.)

Zzoop

MrsGeneHunt wrote: »

Hilarious! Seriously ROTFLMAO:D

Lol

I'm only here to help.

Next week, I'll be doing a guide on how to get extra money out of your Grandmother.

pb999

Is this your bible zzoop?


THE GENTLEMANS CODE TO FOLLOW AT ALL TIMES!
Tips On How To Treat A Lady

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say “could be better.” This will keep her on her toes…girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and roundhouse kick her in the back of the head. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she says she is, say, “You better be!” Hang up. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement. Every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words “love you” and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because i can.”

9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold…and not by giving her your jacket…then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now you’re going to be bitching about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn’t girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home. Now you can use your arms for more important things, like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she’ll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then roundhouse kick her. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts……and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what i’m talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say no its just the rain. Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you [snip]ing baby. Girls like a tough man as i’ve already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. She’ll think you’re mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don’t get her something.

Gee-22

Why do you wanna join?
I get excited even thinking about the job. No two days are the same, you never know what is around the cornor, you learn so many new skills, you get to make a difference (cheesy i know but its true) etc etc

What do your family think about it?
Family and girlfriend could not be more supportive.

How much of a secret do you keep it from friends/neighbours/family
I've told my family, girlfriend/ her family and 1 or 2 close friends. No need to tell anyone else.

How many times have you applied?
Im hoping this is fourth time lucky.

Would you consider a different police force?
No. I have a house and girlfriend here so moving is not an option. If i was ten years younger i would think about joining a force across the water.

Zzoop

pb999 wrote: »

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

Ha ha - Yes - this IS gospel. This point is especially important!
I remember reading this maybe a year or two ago. Very funny indeed. Lol.

JVB

I think it's always best to send a thoughtful text with the immortal words of Bart Simpson 'welcome to dumpsville, population YOU!'

Zzoop

JVB wrote: »

'welcome to dumpsville, population YOU!'

Haha! Yes - That's a classic.

MrsGeneHunt

JVB wrote: »

I think it's always best to send a thoughtful text with the immortal words of Bart Simpson 'welcome to dumpsville, population YOU!'

I'm rapidly losing respect for you ....:rolleyes:

JVB

MrsGeneHunt wrote: »

I'm rapidly losing respect for you ....:rolleyes:

... doubtfull

MrsGeneHunt

JVB wrote: »

... doubtfull

Ah feck. Rumbled!
But to regain the ascendancy, only one L in doubtful......na na na naaaaaa naaaaaaahhhhh.

So there.

Zzoop

MrsGeneHunt wrote: »

Ah feck. Rumbled!
But to regain the ascendancy, only one L in doubtful......na na na naaaaaa naaaaaaahhhhh.

So there.

Ouch! I felt that one. That would have hurt.

JVB

MrsGeneHunt wrote: »

Ah feck. Rumbled!
But to regain the ascendancy, only one L in doubtful......na na na naaaaaa naaaaaaahhhhh.

So there.

Stote, is that you

MrsGeneHunt

Zzoop wrote: »

Ouch! I felt that one. That would have hurt.

Heh heh. I'll be more gentle in future.... pnar pnar

BoutYe

Why do you wanna join?
Number of reasons - i'd be lying if i said the money had nothing to do with it, the pension too. But also my granddad was in the RIC then RUC until he died and i've always loved hearing about him. Plus a few friends have now joined so that helped put the idea in my head. And finally i suppose the old cliche of wanting to do a job that actually (hopefully) benefits the community instead of a job i dont like making money for somebody else

What do your family think about it?
A mixture of extremely proud and quite worried too. My wife is worried the most i think but also very happy because she knows how much i've wanted this. My mum is just annoyed she cant tell everybody how proud she is now that im following in her dad's footsteps

How much of a secret do you keep it from friends/neighbours/family?
I've only told a few close friends and some family. My mum and dad know, my wife obviously, her mum and dad and two sisters and their husbands since i needed vetting info from them. Haven't told my own brother or sister since we're not really that close and no other family members know. Haven't told any workmates or neighbours. The way i look at it is the people who need to know do and those who don't cant say anything

How many times have you applied?
5 but have finally got through on the 4th (vetting took forever so applied again). Missed the 3rd because of a car accident meaning really bad traffic on the way to the assessment centre.

Would you consider a different police force?
No probably not. Not at this stage anyway. Too much family and commitments here.

smyff

MrsGeneHunt wrote: »

I'm rapidly losing respect for you ....:rolleyes:

like he had any in you :O ojojjjj

MrsGeneHunt

smyff wrote: »

like he had any in you :O ojojjjj

Bitch!

Fo

pb999 wrote: »

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because i can.”.

This one made me laugh out loud! It's pure evil! lol!

PandaPants

pb999 wrote: »

Is this your bible zzoop?


THE GENTLEMANS CODE TO FOLLOW AT ALL TIMES!
Tips On How To Treat A Lady

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say “could be better.” This will keep her on her toes…girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and roundhouse kick her in the back of the head. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she says she is, say, “You better be!” Hang up. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement. Every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words “love you” and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because i can.”

9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold…and not by giving her your jacket…then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now you’re going to be bitching about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn’t girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home. Now you can use your arms for more important things, like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she’ll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then roundhouse kick her. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts……and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what i’m talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she’s crying. She’ll say no its just the rain. Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you [snip]ing baby. Girls like a tough man as i’ve already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. She’ll think you’re mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don’t get her something.

I swear I used to go out with you.... lol

PandaPants

I'll join in too...

Why do you wanna join?
I've a few relatives/friends in the police and they have always said i should apply, my mum talked me out of applying before as my uncle was one of the RUC officers killed in the Newry bomb. But she thinks it's relatively safe now. I love action and i thrive on chaos, so i figured this was the job for me!

What do your family think about it?
They are delighted and very proud I am following in so many footsteps. They are also worried for the safety of the public if i get into Mobile Response.....

How much of a secret do you keep it from friends/neighbours/family
Most people know. Friends, family and workmates. When i got my medical date I wasn't able to keep it to myself!

How many times have you applied?
This is my first time and i can't believe i've managed to get this far!

Would you consider a different police force?
I might. I don't really have ties here, so you never know! Wouldn't fancy London though.... I wonder if i could get a police job on a sleepy caribbean island??

integra1

Why do you wanna join?

I want to escape the 9am-5pm desk job and get 'out and about' and be pro-active in making NI a safer place for the communities at large. I love the out doors and I really enjoy regular interaction with different people, plus I would feel so proud to wear the uniform. I would just love to get the job after all my efforts so far.

What do your family think about it?
My whole family are very supportive and are keen to see me enter my dream career! I think their heads are nearly away listening to me talk so much about it.

How much of a secret do you keep it from friends/neighbours/family?

I have only told my family and a couple of very close friends and a work colleague who is also in the recruitment process.

How many times have you applied?
I have applied around 4-5 times now.

Would you consider a different police force?
Yes, I considered Scotland/England until I bought a house this time last year.
My heart has always been in NI policing to be honest though, this is where I want to be based.