I'm destroying our relationship

LegacyUser

Ok please bare with me .
Im 21 my bf is 30 we've been together 5 years
Ive started to get terribly jealous and suspicious for no reason over the last two years or maybe 3

When we 1st started going out He told me about a girl he was with for 1.5 years before me. she had a child (not his and they lived together she cheated on him numerous times pretended to be pregnant etc.)
I was talking to his mother today and found out most of the things he had told me about the ex was lies (They were together way longer more serious etc) ..there are also lots of other things he lied about when we first started going out ,why would he do that?!

I fly into a rage over the silliest things and ive suffered from depression and tried to commit suicide 2 years ago. I feel like i cant trust him and i dont know what to do.

I had a miscarraige when i was 17 i was 6 weeks pregnant and had only told him the day before when i started to miscarry but he thought id lied about being pregnant and only believed it when i had to be admitted into hospital with complications. Since that i had 2 more miscarraiges due to me not being able to use BC for medical reasons and him refusing to wear a condom even though i begged him to

He smoked hash and grass all the time i was with him but only stopped when the guards raided the house. I've had to go to court and had my name in the papers over it and it was mortifying because Im not into anything like that..i barely drink!!

I just dont know what to do, i know this makes him look bad but he's really not, I think i need counselling for my jealousy and depression but dont know how to go about it

I think i just need to get it off my chest because i'm having a bad day!

MagicMarker

Upset wrote: »

I just dont know what to do,!

Leave.

The guy is a scumbag, at 26 he starts dating an impressionable 16 year old, gets her pregnant, lies to her, has his house raided by the guards and then refuses to wear condoms getting you pregnant twice more resulting in two more miscarriages?

Yep, real catch you've got yourself there.

Leave now before you waste any more of your life on this waster.

i-digress

MagicMarker wrote: »

Leave.

The guy is a scumbag, at 26 he starts dating an impressionable 16 year old, gets her pregnant, lies to her, has his house raided by the guards and then refuses to wear condoms getting you pregnant twice more resulting in two more miscarriages?

Yep, real catch you've got yourself there.

Leave now before you waste any more of your life on this waster.

Seconded.

ZygOte

Thirded

you need to get out of this.

Beruthiel

Upset wrote: »

Since that i had 2 more miscarraiges due to me not being able to use BC for medical reasons and him refusing to wear a condom even though i begged him to

He smoked hash and grass all the time i was with him but only stopped when the guards raided the house. I've had to go to court and had my name in the papers over it and it was mortifying because Im not into anything like that..i barely drink!!

Sorry, but the cops don't raid the house of someone who smokes a few joints. He must have had a name and was dealing.
The two comments above tell he he's an arsehole. What sort of bloke refuses to wear a condom when he knows you are not on birth control.
Seriously selfish and has no respect or cares for your wellbeing.
I personally, wouldn't waste five more minutes of my time on him.

Jack Sheehan

Leave right now, there is literally no other option for your health and sanity.

Also, talk to your GP about getting counseling, many people get it and it anyone would need it after the rough time you've had.

G86

I second all thats been said, and I hate to bring this up, but how do you know he hasn't been doing any other drugs.

I don't need to tell you how stupid it was not to use condoms, especially in this situation, but the bottom line is you need to get tested, now.

And please, get out, he's going down and he's bringing you with him for the ride, literally.

Dyr

Beruthiel wrote: »

Sorry, but the cops don't raid the house of someone who smokes a few joints. He must have had a name and was dealing

Off topic, but they do and do it for less too

Karen_*

You aren't ruining the relationship at all! You were lied to from the get go and are going out with a guy who's dragging you down. If you'd some self esteem you'd see him for what he is but he's sucked the life out of you. You've soent far too long with him and gone through too much. Can you honestly see it getting any better?

By the way if you try to change yourself to please someone they will just keep lifting the bar higher. Change for yourself and the first thing you can do is look in the mirror and see what a good person you are and how much better you deserve.

dcukhunter

Bambi wrote: »

Off topic, but they do and do it for less too

As far as I know they only raid people that are known to them but only after watching the house for a few days in case their info was incorrect.

LegacyUser

I asked him last night why he lied about his ex and that i was sick of him lying to me and he just told me to shut up and that i was just a psycho cos i had my period .
i told him if i left i was leaving for good and he just told me to go that i neverleft him alone and all he wanted to do was to watch soccer.I left my phone there by mistake
I came home and typed him a long email and rang him off the house phone and asked him to read it. he said he was too tired and would do it tomorrow.

I think i was a bit hasty leaving last night but now i know he doesnt want me anymore how could he im a mess

Dyr

As far as you know is badly wrong so :pac:

Burial

dcukhunter wrote: »

As far as I know they only raid people that are known to them but only after watching the house for a few days in case their info was incorrect.

I'm actually puzzled... Why is this thread called "I'm destroying our relationship"? This guy is destroying the relationship and he doesn't even care for you. If I were you, I wouldn't stand for it. I'm thinking you were expecting advise on how to stop you being "jealous" and help you with your "depression", but lets talk seriously here. Who do you think is causing this?

Also, I'm not defending the guy here, but YES guards raid houses without a warrent. Happens quite regularly to my friends. They can't say anything or the gardaí will haul their asses to the nearest station, saying they were verbally abusing them. Now that new alochol law came in, the gardaí can walk into your house if they "think" an underager is drinking in your house and do you for anythign they find. I think it's a sad state of affairs to be allowed do that really...

LegacyUser

the guards raided his house and found a lot of hash 5-6 bars but he told me he before he bought it that the reason he was buying that much cos there was a shortage , i dont think he was selling -apart from the odd bit to his friends but he did smoke an awful lot i think maybe 3 ounces a week, He couldnt even sleep at night without two joints i hated it because it used to give me massive migranes so id go ouside while he smoked.

He has been very good to me in other ways like letting me live with him after my mother kicked me out after an argument about him, she let me move home after a few months so i could go to college without having to get up at 5 every morning
He gives me money if i need it , and comforted me when i found my mother trying to commit suicide with my painkillers. She was abused by my father and when they split we were very poor.
I dont talk to my father anymore becaues i was terrified of him, i still have nightmares and still hear her screams.
But he has put up with me, even though my whole family hating him

carlybabe1

I've just been reading your posts, and my heart goes out to you. Have you no one that can help you, what do your parents think? or do they know whats going on? I dont think you were hasty at all, just the opposite in fact, you should have left when you found out he lied, thats why you dont trust him. You're not psycho, but you are in an abusive relationship, and there is a reason why adult males go for much younger girls (imo), they are easier to control and manipulate.....Please get out of it while you can, dont let him talk you round or make you feel guilty, he cares for noone but himself....I had a friend who was in a similar situation for 15yrs, she now has two kids for the ass-hole and is on her own. So many times she left him and despite desperate urging from me and all her other friends she went back, till he decided something better had come along, and he dumped her......she gave him the best years of her life and now shes on her own raising her kids and she needs counsellin for the anger she feels.
People will always say there is two sides, and it desnt matter why the cops raided the gaff, he does hash which IS a psychotropic drug and has been proven to induce paranoia..Leave before you end up pregnant and feel even more trapped cause believe me he wont change, in fact he'll just get worse.... on a seperate note does he work, do you? who pays most of the bills etc?? you'll prob find its you

Dfens

Upset wrote: »

I think i was a bit hasty leaving last night but now i know he doesnt want me anymore how could he im a mess

If someone really loves & cares about you they will still want you even if you are 'in a mess'. You need to stop thinking like all this is your fault right now & to convince yourself you deserve better.

Also you mentioned his heavy hash use, this may very well have contributed to your pregnancy losses as studies have shown it's use can lead to lower sperm counts & reduction in the quality of the sperm being produced.

I feel sorry for you, as another poster said can you get some support off your family or good solid friends.
tbh this relationship does not sound good & doesn't sound like it even started off good, especially from the comments his mum made. Try get some help to talk about all this stuff (Samaritans), afterall you've been through a lot in a few years at a very young age.
Best of luck to you.

RubyXI

I think your thread title should be changed to "He's destroying our relationship"

jprender

MagicMarker wrote: »

Leave.

This is all you need to read

Wibbs

Upset wrote: »

the guards raided his house and found a lot of hash 5-6 bars but he told me he before he bought it that the reason he was buying that much cos there was a shortage , i dont think he was selling

5 6 Bars? Unless you're living with Keith Richards that is highly unlikely to be for "personal use". That's why the guards had an interest. I've known enough stoners in my time and I've known enough recreational users and he is defo at the stoner end of the equation, with a side order of dealer..

but he did smoke an awful lot i think maybe 3 ounces a week, He couldnt even sleep at night without two joints

Not a good sign. At all.

i hated it because it used to give me massive migranes so id go ouside while he smoked.

So he conitnued to smoke the stuff to the degree he did, even when it gave you migraines and forced you outside?

He has been very good to me in other ways

Ok let's look at those ways:

like letting me live with him after my mother kicked me out after an argument about him,

That was nice of him.:rolleyes: After all the argument was about him and tbh I would from the sound of it be on your mothers side.

she let me move home after a few months so i could go to college without having to get up at 5 every morning

That part is good. That's her being forgiving and thinking of you. Regardless of her own issues etc that was nice of her.

He gives me money if i need it ,

Big deal. Seriously that's hardly a recommendation.

and comforted me when i found my mother trying to commit suicide with my painkillers.

That would be a very basic level of consideration. You should expect that from someone who claims to love you.

But he has put up with me, even though my whole family hating him

Ok but look at why they hate him. He's clearly a stoner, in trouble with the police, way older than you, refuses to consider you in contraception. The list is long. I don't know him and I can't stand him already.

She was abused by my father and when they split we were very poor.
I dont talk to my father anymore becaues i was terrified of him, i still have nightmares and still hear her screams.

In my opinion, you are heading into a life not unlike the one your mother had with your father. You have an unhealthy template in your head concerning men. Men who should love you like your father. Sadly your father didn't or at least didn't love you the way you should be loved as a human being. That wasn't your fault and you can't make that up now by loving a man who will not love you back the way you should be loved. You may have seen this guy as an escape when you were 16/17, but trust me, on the basis of what you've told us, you're walking into the very thing you've tried to escape. Of course it feels "right" to you, because you don't know what it should be like. That's not your fault. You weren't exposed to a healthy loving environment from what you've told us.

If you could go for some sort of counselling that would really help. Try and step back if you can and look at the man you think loves you.

carlybabe1

Or even "HE'S DESTROYING ME" honestly, Im not an advocate of counsellling but I would definately recommend you going, and this might sound harsh but there is a reason your mum doesn't like him, sounds to me like he reminds her of your dad.... You need to talk to your mum and let her help you, and good for you going to college, stay at it and dont leave for any reason, maybe they have counsellin service in college you could go there when you have free time between classes and you wouldnt have to pay and he wouldnt have to know... you need to meet more people and socialise a bit more too...
but stop defending him, he's made you feel so worthless that you tried to end your own life for christ sake

05D

That guy is no good for you! In this case the grass is greener on the other side. Anything would be better than that.

Wibbs

carlybabe1 wrote: »

there is a reason your mum doesn't like him, sounds to me like he reminds her of your dad....

Exactly

but stop defending him, he's made you feel so worthless that you tried to end your own life for christ sake

Agreed. But I would add that you feel worthless in yourself and that's why you sought out a man that would confirm what you already feel about yourself and how you should be treated. People who have a balanced healthy opinion of themselves would not go out with or stay with a person like this. Counceling is the way forward, so you can see that this idea about yourself is very wrong.

LegacyUser

I think part of the reason i got so jealous of the ex was cos he had a ready made family and i cant even have a baby, in the last year we havent use condoms and i havent gotten pregnant but the docs wont do anything cos i'm too young i feel like im a failure . he always said he wanted a girl and i know his ex's child was a girl and he really loved her , i feel second best

Cork Exile

If you stick with this guy its just going to get worse for you. And to be honest if you are that stupid to go back with him, then you probably deserve it. Apologies if I sound harsh but its a shock to think that after 5 years, 3 miscarraiges, refusal to wear condoms, a court appearence, you're only coming to this conclusion now.

carlybabe1

I'm begining to feel the way I used to feel when trying to persuade my mate she deserved better I have a sneaking feeling that you're going to take him back no matter what advice you get here, and that you weren't really looking for advice in the first place, just somewhere to whinge cos all your friends and family are fed up listening to the same crap over and over. I'm sorry if thats harsh but its prob the truth...You already know he's a waster, and that you should stay away from him, but you probably wont....and as such, you know what you're going back to and what to expect. I really hope you dont though.

Wibbs

Sadly I tend to agree with carlybabe1. I do think you'll go back, as that's what you're used to. Even before you met him. Prove us wrong.

chump

Upset,

It's a sad story.

You've never had the opportunity to become even remotely independent and live a normal life.

Coming from a destructive home and getting involved in such a destructive relationship at such a young age hasn't helped.

You can't see any of this, and Wibbs is dead right - you will go back to him.

Could anyone say anything to change any of this on this thread - No.

You need to see a counselor or get some long-term assistance in helping you build yarself up, and maybe one day you'll have enough cop on to cop yarself on.

Good day to you

Dragan

Upset wrote: »

I think i was a bit hasty leaving last night but now i know he doesnt want me anymore how could he im a mess

Personally i think you left a couple of years too late.

I can play by play how he will act, and it will all be aimed at making you feel bad, like he is the one who suffered because of you and he will try and make you think you should be glad he is taking you back.

You need to shut this asshole down, right now, and never look back.

Sugar Drunk

Jesus what a mess. Okay first of all 5-6 bars is a LOT love he was definately dealing and police dont raid houses uunless they have some info to go on. Does he work? where does his income come from? anyone who cant sleep without 2 joints has a problem. Trust me, benn there done that he aint gonna give it up any time soon

He is a complete twat its embarrasing to think this lad is 30!. he is bahaving like a child and the said thing is hun your letting him. He doesnt care that you cant use birth control yet refuses to wear a condom so in other works he doesnt give a damn if you get knocked up. Has he been tested for STDs?

I know your fought with your mum OP but in fairness she may have just wanted the best for you. Read your posts again - now think - if you were your mum would you want your daughter to be in this relationship? Woul dyou want her to be unhappy.?

break up with this loser. Go make up with your mum. Seek counselling or some form of help. Your only 21 got your whole life in front of you.

_blank_

Beruthiel wrote: »

Sorry, but the cops don't raid the house of someone who smokes a few joints. He must have had a name and was dealing.

:eek::eek:

This is totally wrong. I'm sorry, but I have to say this.

The apartment I live in was raided last October by six gardaí, one of them even had a visible gun. I live here with my best friend, he owns the place. He smokes grass. I don't.

Neither of us deals, and they only found an amount of grass that would be for his personal use.

Turns out they got the wrong apartment, a couple of months later some scummer with an address in our block was arrested on the main road outside our block with tens of thousands worth of coke in his car.

Mistakes CAN and DO happen.

This cold have been the case here.

Imagine if I'd have posted all those months back.

"OMG, my friend smokes grass, and now the gardaí have raided the place, wtf do I do?"

I would have been told to disown this guy and get the hell out of dodge.

Colonel_McCoy

He sounds like a dealer and a thug. He is destroying you, he is a rat. Get out!

carlybabe1

Mistakes CAN and DO happen.

This cold have been the case here.

Imagine if I'd have posted all those months back.

"OMG, my friend smokes grass, and now the gardaí have raided the place, wtf do I do?"

I would have been told to disown this guy and get the hell out of dodge.



EH hardly the point, and if you read the posts previous you would see that 5/6 bars were found, so he was dealin, and you werent innocently targeted by complete mistake, your mate smokes grass ergo he has to buy it ergo he has to approach a dealer. The cops are makin a serious effort to target the drug problem, ergo you buy drugs chances are at some stage while you will be observedby the cops doing just that. cops dont raid the houses of people who have nothing to do with drugs. Having said all that the issue is that he is abusive and a waster and she should stay away from him

tbh

op, stupid question probably, but why don't you just leave him? It seems completely black and white to me, so why isn't it for you?

citeal

ok haven't had time to read all the repliees but OP, you are not destroying this relationship - he is! please leave before its too late, his terrible actions are causing you to question your own values; the lies etc etc will drive you crazy. I've been there, I know its hard when you're right in the middle of it but trust me - you need to get the hell out of there.

LegacyUser

I dont want to leave him because i love him plain and simple. i dont whinge to friends about him , they have enough to deal with in their own lives, without adding my crap.
He has never been abusive towards me .
I really do want to try make this relationship work, i feel like an awful girlfriend for saying all those things to strangers

tbh

I'm afraid what's happened here is that the guy has picked and picked at your self confidence until you can't seem to realise that this isn't the best you can hope for. Everybody here who's either in a happy relationship or is happily single can see the situation for what it is - he's grinding you down. So let me say this as plainly and as clearly as I possibly can.

This is not love. This is co-dependence.

MagicMarker

Upset wrote: »

I dont want to leave him because i love him plain and simple. i dont whinge to friends about him , they have enough to deal with in their own lives, without adding my crap.
He has never been abusive towards me .
I really do want to try make this relationship work, i feel like an awful girlfriend for saying all those things to strangers

You're taking the whole 'love is blind' thing to new levels.

Yeah, you love him. But he doesn't love you, he is incapable of love, he's using you, the sooner you realize this the better. He took advantage of you when you were 16, you home situation and now he has you under his thumb.

I feel sorry for you, i really do.

dcukhunter

Burial wrote: »

Also, I'm not defending the guy here, but YES guards raid houses without a warrent. Happens quite regularly to my friends. They can't say anything or the gardaí will haul their asses to the nearest station, saying they were verbally abusing them. Now that new alochol law came in, the gardaí can walk into your house if they "think" an underager is drinking in your house and do you for anythign they find. I think it's a sad state of affairs to be allowed do that really...

It is illegal for a guard to enter a house without a warrent or permission from whoever is living there. Anything they find cannot be used for evidence. If they do your friends should get their badge numbers and make a complaint. As for the underage drinking even with the new laws that is a strange one. While it is illegal to sell or buy for someone under 18 it is not against the law for someone under 18 to drink in a private residence.


Gone off topic here but op you should get out now when you still can and find someone that will treat you right. By the sounds of it he is dealing 5-6 bars is a awful lot for personal use. Your family dont like him for the simple reason that he treats you badly. I really hope for your sake you do leave and dont go back.

dcukhunter

Upset wrote: »

I dont want to leave him because i love him plain and simple. i dont whinge to friends about him , they have enough to deal with in their own lives, without adding my crap.
He has never been abusive towards me .
I really do want to try make this relationship work, i feel like an awful girlfriend for saying all those things to strangers

He might not be physically abusive towards you, but the way he is treating you and making you feel is a form of mental abuse.

carlybabe1

Upset wrote: »

I dont want to leave him because i love him plain and simple.

so why bother postin if you've no intention of lettin go? are ye gonna wait till he dumps you?



[/quote]i dont whinge to friends about him , they have enough to deal with in their own lives, without adding my crap.[/quote]

so who besides us have you talked to? you're totally isolated, no wonder hes not worried about you goin last night, he has no doubt you'll be back

He has never been abusive towards me .[/quote]

What??? Are you really gonna feign thinkin this is a normal relationship??
you know its not or you would't have posted in the first place




I really do want to try make this relationship work, i feel like an awful girlfriend for saying all those things to strangers[/quote]

As long as you continue crawlin around after him the relationship will continue, till he finds someone else. Im sorry if I seem harsh but you haven't mentioned anythin about settin up counsellin or what you'll do if you get pregnant etc. Has he been in conact? if not have you contacted him? if both those answers are no then do yourself a favour, just to prove how much he wants ye, sitback and see how long he takes before he starts to think your serious and contacts you

LegacyUser

I never posted with the intention of leaving him , i wanted to know how to cope with being jealous.
I havent talked to anyone else because i thought i would be able to cope by myself.

Chinafoot

Upset wrote: »

I think part of the reason i got so jealous of the ex was cos he had a ready made family and i cant even have a baby, in the last year we havent use condoms and i havent gotten pregnant but the docs wont do anything cos i'm too young i feel like im a failure . he always said he wanted a girl and i know his ex's child was a girl and he really loved her , i feel second best

Hang on a second. Are you not using condoms intentionally? What happened to the begging him to use condoms? Are you actively trying to get pregnant?

Your posts seem rather contradictory. What exactly is it that you want?

Wibbs

Upset wrote: »

I dont want to leave him because i love him plain and simple.

Nope saying you love him is not an explanation in this case it's an excuse.

i dont whinge to friends about him , they have enough to deal with in their own lives, without adding my crap.

Why would you have a need to whinge about him? There are reasons why you are whinging.

He has never been abusive towards me .

If you truly believe this then you are in trouble. He has been highly sexually irresponsible and selfish among a good few other things.

Look, just because a man doesn't hit you does not mean that he is acting in a healthy way with you.

Just because he's not acting exactly like your father, doesn't mean he's not as abusive.

I really do want to try make this relationship work, i feel like an awful girlfriend for saying all those things to strangers

Then work on the relationship with yourself. Look at why you continue to accept behaviour from someone that claims to love you that complete strangers find incredible. We can't all be wrong, so ask yourself, why don't you see it, even a little.

carlybabe1

Upset wrote: »

I never posted with the intention of leaving him , i wanted to know how to cope with being jealous.
I havent talked to anyone else because i thought i would be able to cope by myself.

No you posted lookin for vindication that you're not a psycho (his words) and because we are not telling you what you want to hear your back tracking.. not being ready to let go is understandable....makin excuses for his behaviour is not. You would have a more sympathetic audience if you took responsibility for your part and said "i keep goin back cause Im not ready but I know this is wrong". Im not bein nasty neither is anyone else,
Its frustration on our side that you cant see your worth so much more

chump

chump wrote: »

Upset,

It's a sad story.

You've never had the opportunity to become even remotely independent and live a normal life.

Coming from a destructive home and getting involved in such a destructive relationship at such a young age hasn't helped.

You can't see any of this, and Wibbs is dead right - you will go back to him.

Could anyone say anything to change any of this on this thread - No.

You need to see a counselor or get some long-term assistance in helping you build yarself up, and maybe one day you'll have enough cop on to cop yarself on.

Good day to you

I think I'll quote myself here.

There's no helping you OP.

I dont want to leave him because i love him plain and simple. i dont whinge to friends about him , they have enough to deal with in their own lives, without adding my crap.
He has never been abusive towards me .
I really do want to try make this relationship work, i feel like an awful girlfriend for saying all those things to strangers

[It is pathetic, really.] - that's not helpful I know, but come onnnnnnnnnnn!

Karen_*

Upset wrote: »

I never posted with the intention of leaving him , i wanted to know how to cope with being jealous.
I havent talked to anyone else because i thought i would be able to cope by myself.

Well you sure can't reason with people who are beyond reason. Step outside yourself a moment and read back the thread and what you've posted? What would you say to me if I'd posted it?

Would you think I should stop being jealous and try harder to be a more worthy girlfriend? I doubt it.

You're going to stay with him but please, be aware every day of how he makes you feel. And ask yourself if this is the relationship you dreamed of as a little girl and if it is a relationship you would give your blessing to if it were a daughter of yours that was in it.

Burial

If you had no intention of leaving him and you wanted advice on what to do, and all you got where people telling you that this guy isn't worth it, and your still convincing yourself that we're all wrong?? Naturally you didn't give us all the info, but if this was my friend, I'd want them to prove to me that this guy was worth all this hassle. Anyway, you want to stay with him, but I've yet to hear why your the psycho GF, and he's not just a bad BF... You haven't done anything I'd consider "psycho". In fact I'd say your BF is the "psycho" one in the relationship.

Upset wrote:

I dont want to leave him because i love him plain and simple. i dont whinge to friends about him , they have enough to deal with in their own lives, without adding my crap.
He has never been abusive towards me .
I really do want to try make this relationship work, i feel like an awful girlfriend for saying all those things to strangers

Why is it that YOU want to try and make this relationship work and not him?? Is he not investing enough into it?? As Wibbs(I think) said, the "I love him" is an excuse. I'm telling you now, tell your friends. All they'd want to do is help you. Thats why they're your friends. However, expect them to produce similar answers, as to what we've been saying...

Upset wrote:

I feel like i cant trust him and i dont know what to do.

If you can't trust him, then it's his job to make you trust him. I suggest telling him this. Have you talked to him about how you didn't like being in the papers and his dependance on drugs, and his lack of condom use?? If you want your relationship with him to start working, I suggest talking to each other. That way you can both can come to an agreement on these things at least...

LegacyUser

I feel like crap today , i collected half my stuff yestarday while he was in work, he never bothered ringing or texting me when he came home last night, despite me leaving the rest of my stuff piled up in the corner.

so i rang him and asked him if he honestly loved me and he just said yea whatever i dont want to argue with you , but the thing is we never get to the arguing part i say my piece and he either tells me to leave him alone or he just walks out.
He says i act like a spoilt 2 year old and that i left for no reason the other night .

He just doesnt give a damn and its killing me i want him to act like he did when we first started meeting .

Im collecting the rest of my stuff today and i dont know what im going to do after that

carlybabe1

Im delighted for you, I really am. I know its hard and you're not sure what to do but stick to your guns, you know deep down your relationship is dead in the water. He wont act like he used to cause hes not the same person, the next step for you is counsellin cause that kind of relationship can destroy you. Honestly in a few weeks you'll be lookin back thinkin "what the **** was wrong with me that i put up with that crap?" then you'll start to notice little things about yourself like takin more pride in your appearance and lookin forward to goin out meetin your mates....Its surprisin how quick it happens.. but keep it up you're going in the right direction, away from him.....Keep us posted

Karen_*

He's the one acting like the child though. So if you're ever pissed off or upset about something you get a wall of silence or a walk out? Refusing to let someone have their say is firstly immature and secondly abusive.

This relationship is breaking your heart!! And its eroding your self esteem and making you seriously believe that you are the one in the wrong, that you're the one who needs to change. Well that's simply not true. You've done your very best here but you cannot become some unfeeling doormat and that is what he wants. no strike that because he does want you to have feelings. He wants you to feel miserable.

How he was in the beginning is not the real him. We are all on our best behaviour and showing our good side when a relationship starts. Later on we become our real selves. Sometimes there's no big difference to the best behaviour self but other times there's a world of difference. And too big a difference to make the relationship work.

You're doing all the giving and he's throwing the scraps and you're becoming grateful for them. But that doesn't make them anything but scraps and you are worth more than that.

MagicMarker

Upset wrote: »

I feel like crap today , i collected half my stuff yestarday while he was in work, he never bothered ringing or texting me when he came home last night, despite me leaving the rest of my stuff piled up in the corner.

so i rang him and asked him if he honestly loved me and he just said yea whatever i dont want to argue with you , but the thing is we never get to the arguing part i say my piece and he either tells me to leave him alone or he just walks out.
He says i act like a spoilt 2 year old and that i left for no reason the other night .

He just doesnt give a damn and its killing me i want him to act like he did when we first started meeting .

Im collecting the rest of my stuff today and i dont know what im going to do after that

When he realizes that you may actually leave him (because i can absolutely GUARANTEE you that he thinks you'll NEVER leave) then he may then start to turn on the charm.

Don't fall for it, you've seen the kind of man he is and he doesn't give a **** about anything. Stick to your guns.