Affection from Friend's Boyfriend

Fletch123

Just wondering how affectionate you are towards your friends' boyfriends?

My friend has been going out with her fella for around 6 months, and I did not know him before this. From the first time I met he always goes out of his way to give me a kiss on the cheek and a hug (a lingery hug...). Even in awkward situations where they'd be picking me up in the car he's get out to do this.

Obviously a very affectionate guy, but does this strike you as odd?

How far do you let your friends' OHs go?

akamossy

Well if he always goes out of his way to do it, ya it seems a bit odd! I give a couple of my friends bfs hugs but thats just because they are my good friends as opposed to just being a randomer my friend is not going out with.

Is he Irish?

Loopy

A tad OTT imo.

A hello is sufficient for me, not a long lingering hug..

Wibbs

Fletch123 wrote: »

Obviously a very affectionate guy, but does this strike you as odd?

Speaking as an affectionate guy(read manwhore:)), yes this is a tad odd in fairness. If I fancy/love/desire someone the lingering hug is not usually in play with one of her mates.

girl_friday

Have to say my friend's OH is very friendly towards me to the extent of offering to be sperm donor one day I was down & broody!! :eek: Love him to bits but only as a friend and am secure that the affection he shows towards me is only because he knows how important I am to his OH!!

pseudonym1

A lingering hug sounds weird alright -
Have you mutual friends to sus it out with?

Whats your mates reaction?

And if it repeatedly makes you feel uncomfortable cant be good - if it was me would probably just say something broaching the topic to one or both- might be (without sounding patronising) reading into it a bit -

And all important question does he sniff upon huggin?

Fletch123

Moonbaby- yep he's Irish!

Pseudonym- haven't noticed my friend's reaction, and haven't got to talk with any mutual friends about it. Although my friend did they ran into a friend of ours and she was quite stand offish- wonder if she was trying to avoid the hug!

And, I don't think he sniffs. But I think he sighs...

I would only hug friends if I haven't seen them in a while, not as a usual greeting. Hate being touoched unneccessarily, and hate being kissed on cheeks by strangers (oh, how I suffer when in France)...

Latchy

It's quite common for other naionalitys ie, french ,dutch to greet and hug each other in an affectionet manner .I think the irish concept with the friends boyfriend as described by OP may be open to Interpretation .Not by all i might add but by some .

He knows he is crossing the line so.
Probably a weirdo tbh.
Explain that you don't do hugs the next time, with angry business eyes.

I don't actually want to know any of my close friends boyfriends.
Except for one who is exceptionally amusing.

They know to much, and vice versa.

pseudonym1

yep he's Irish!



And, I don't think he sniffs. But I think he sighs...


Uggghhhhhhh! YuK ! If she is your friend and not been seeng him long spill it to her!!??
Gosh save her from d creep!

Fletch123

Moonbaby- good point! I know a lot about him already that I really didn't want to know... Angry business eyes, eh?

Think I might just cower away from the next hug saying I have a sore neck or something (coward, I know!).

Don't think he has intentions, per say, just that he doesn't realise what's appropriate and what's not!

Red Hand

A dab of strong disinfectant behind the ears usually does the job against unnecessary attention.:)

Seems he's copping a feel alright, the dirty fecker.

LolaLuv

My friend's husband used to send me these very sexual text messages, frequently with video clips of pornos and suggestions that we get together, etc. I told him it made me uncomfortable, and he continued to do it. I was going to tell my friend, but the next time I saw her she made some joke about me and her husband wanting each other. Pretty cruel to put a friend in a position like that and laugh about it, imo. Anyway, I ended up flipping out on him and haven't heard from him since.

Any chance he does it to screw with you?

pseudonym1

PillyPen wrote: »

My friend's husband used to send me these very sexual text messages, frequently with video clips of pornos and suggestions that we get together, etc. I told him it made me uncomfortable, and he continued to do it. I was going to tell my friend, but the next time I saw her she made some joke about me and her husband wanting each other. Pretty cruel to put a friend in a position like that and laugh about it, imo. Anyway, I ended up flipping out on him and haven't heard from him since.

Any chance he does it to screw with you?

explain did your friend actualy know bout these?

quoteunquote

I don't really like my friend's OH. He's got a huge ego and just likes to put me and my boyfriend down whenever he sees us. Not a nice person at all.

Cathmandooo

One of my mates bf's stroked my knee under a table one day when we were all out drinking, I have tried to avoid being too close to him since, it freaked me out. He was quite huggy with me before then which I didn't really mind as I hug the world anyway but the knee thing crossed a line.

My other friends bfs are all grand and I get on well with them as mates.

OP I'd try keep distance from that guy definitely.

robtri

this guy sounds a bit of a creep, any guy who hugs like that and sighs is after more than a friend...
if you can take him aside and tell him you find his behaviour inappropriate and that you would like him to stop... if that doesn't work then say it to your friend...

Fletch123

TBH, I don't think there's anything sinister in his actions, I just think he's a bit childish- doesn't realise that hugging etc isn't some people's thing. Don't think he's trying to cop a feel or anything. His arms stay high, not in the bum/lower back territory. Doesn't touch other than that.

That said though, it steal makes me feel uncomfortable (I don't even kiss the cheeks of my female friends), so I will try to get an obstacle between us next time!

LolaLuv

pseudonym1 wrote: »

explain did your friend actualy know bout these?

We never actually discussed it, but I'm about 99% sure she did.

Star Lord

I have to say, I'm a very huggy guy myself with people I like, (As some of the boardsies that know me well enough know!) and because of that I'd suggest that maybe there isn't any intention there beyond giving a nice friendly hug... ?

LolaLuv

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

I have to say, I'm a very huggy guy myself with people I like, (As some of the boardsies that know me well enough know!) and because of that I'd suggest that maybe there isn't any intention there beyond giving a nice friendly hug... ?

That was my reaction initially, but the fact that he'll get out of the car to hug her and sighs while he does it is sort of odd, no?

jprender

Hugs are for your partner, children and your mother.

Star Lord

PillyPen wrote: »

That was my reaction initially, but the fact that he'll get out of the car to hug her and sighs while he does it is sort of odd, no?

Yeah the going out of his way to do so seem kinda odd...

But just to stay a little on the other side from most suggestions (El Diablo's advocate?) maybe it's just the way he is, the way he was brought up, and doesn't realize that he's making the OP uncomfortable.

I'd suggest the OP talks to her friend, and mentions that it makes her uncomfortable, she can then suggest to him to stop.

LolaLuv

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

I'd suggest the OP talks to her friend, and mentions that it makes her uncomfortable, she can then suggest to him to stop.

I think that's sound advice. In all likelihood it makes the gf uncomfortable, too.

Star Lord

I'd imagine so... particularly if he goes out of his way, I'd imagine it's quite obvious to all parties concerned, and would make the dynamic a little stressed.