Funniest stories about giving directions!

D-A-V-E

exactly what it says on the tin!

Collie D

You could at least give one yourself.

I, for one, shall be boycotting this thread until you contribute. And I have tons of hilarious directions-related anecdotes.

taidghbaby

a friend of mine was driving through kerry one day when he came accross a stream running accross the road!! he wasnt sure how deep it was, and remembered seeing a local a couple of bends back and goes back to ask the oul fella how deep it was.

'ah sure tis only half a foot deep at most' says the oul fella!

so my friend gets back in his car and starts to drive through the stream, but immediatel gets into trouble and has to abonden the car! the stream is defo more than 6 inches deep!!

so my friend soaked, and with a ruined car goes back up the road to have it ouy with the oul fella!!

'what the fook is wrong with you, you fookin fool?? that stream is deeper than 6 inches'

the oul fella replies: 'ah but sure tis only up to the waist on the ducks!!'




that story is neither about directions, nor true.......but i dont care!

Red Hand

Used to hang around with a fellow in school who used to give out wrong directions the few times we were stopped by tourists. He used to be smart about it, though. He's think of some random location and give exact directions for getting there.

D-A-V-E

ok ok, i was walking home from work at about midnight one night..would have been last march (now i live in the far northern suburbs of Limerick city so i was walking around that area) when this polish dude pulls up beside the footpath..first asking if this is waterford! i kinda laughed to myself and said your about 3 and a half hours away! so he asked if i knew the way..now i had no idea how to get to waterford, you would have to drive through the city centre which is layed out in grid formation to make things even harder and head past that..so i just said head straight out the road until you pass the bridge, turn right and keep going..if he actually followed that direction he would have ended up in either cork or kerry, really couldnt have been arsed..especially at night :pac:

Red Hand

D-A-V-E wrote: »

ok ok, i was walking home from work at about midnight one night..would have been last march (now i live in the far northern suburbs of Limerick city so i was walking around that area) when this polish dude pulls up beside the footpath..first asking if this is waterford! i kinda laughed to myself and said your about 3 and a half hours away! so he asked if i knew the way..now i had no idea how to get to waterford, you would have to drive through the city centre which is layed out in grid formation to make things even harder and head past that..so i just said head straight out the road until you pass the bridge, turn right and keep going..if he actually followed that direction he would have ended up in either cork or kerry, really couldnt have been arsed..especially at night :pac:

Well, good on you, cause you'd obviously have to pass through Kerry and/or Cork in going to Waterford.;)

taidghbaby

actually just remembered whilst jogging in the sandyford ind estate one day, and a woman stopped me to ask me how to get to the road to kerry!

Kiera

D-A-V-E wrote: »

ok ok, i was walking home from work at about midnight one night..would have been last march (now i live in the far northern suburbs of Limerick city so i was walking around that area) when this polish dude pulls up beside the footpath..first asking if this is waterford! i kinda laughed to myself and said your about 3 and a half hours away! so he asked if i knew the way..now i had no idea how to get to waterford, you would have to drive through the city centre which is layed out in grid formation to make things even harder and head past that..so i just said head straight out the road until you pass the bridge, turn right and keep going..if he actually followed that direction he would have ended up in either cork or kerry, really couldnt have been arsed..especially at night :pac:

You said "funny". I'm not getting funny from the above? Money back!

Sam Vimes

a story i've told before on boards but sure what the hell:

i was on the quays in dublin with my gf when some tourists came up to us and asked us where a particular hotel was. i didn't know so i took out my phone and googled the name of it. then i went to the hotel's website and found their address.

the guy took out his sat nav and typed the address of the hotel in, waited for it to plot, looked up and said "oh there it is". it was about 40 metres from us

D-A-V-E

no not to go to waterford, was in carlow today and apparently you have to go out the tipperary road, if you go out by cork it will add a few hours to the journey as your bypassing the whole of county limerick, anyway the poor guy couldnt even speak english, he asked me WATERFORD? HERE! and i said no..straight on..right after bridge! to which he replied..ahh yes yes and tore off

Collie D

In fairness I'd say he was just happy to get the **** out of Limerick

Firetrap

Didn't happen to me but I've a friend who gets a bit mixed up between left and right. Anyway, one day she was out walking the dog when a flustered woman in a car pulled up asking for directions to somewhere. She'd a kid in the back because they were going to some sort of dance competition. Anyway my friend, delighted to be able to give directions to somewhere that wasn't too far away proceeded to give instructions. It was only after the woman had pulled away in the car that she realised she'd mixed up left 'n right again. About 15 minutes later she saw the woman coming back along the road again, clearly still lost. Luckily my pal was able to stand well in under some trees - just in case

Bob the Builder

Collie D wrote: »

In fairness I'd say he was just happy to get the **** out of Limerick

wouldn't blame him.

with a chick down in tuam lately enough.

travellers pull up, caravan tugging along. "'Scuse me wee lassy's - yah wouldn't know the way to the oul' halting site that ***** live in?" ... My lady friend pointed them in the direction of their staunch enemies halting site on the other side of the town.

I'd laugh if they actually drove in to the wrong halting site though. It was late enough and it was fairly dark so I wouldn't be surprised...

I said 'wtf?'. She turns around and says "we do that all the time".

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

On the corner of Wycham Bypass and Sandyford Road, a taxi pulls up.

"Is there a shopping centre somewhere near here?"

jaffa20

Reminds me of a story a friend told me about a tourist asking for directions in dublin. Anyway, it was something like "Ah go straight, take a left at the bridge, roight. Go left, roight. Go straight past the roundabout, roight".

The poor tourist :P:P

GabiP

Trying to drive home after my brothers wedding, boyfriend & I got lost somewhere out in Killiney. It was pitch black and really deserted, we had'nt a notion of the area and were driving around for ages trying to find a living soul to ask the way. We were laughing our heads off at ourselves when we spotted a couple who were obviously very drunk walking kind of apart on the path near us, we jumped at the chance to find our way home. We were still giggling at whatever like hyenas when I rolled down the window. I asked them the route we were looking for, the woman made a grunting noise...the man grunted back at her...I locked the door...my fella was tittering away beside me in the car...I nudged him which made things worse as he just could'nt stifle the laughs. The couple started rowing & slapping each other & we could'nt understand them at all. They both tried to tell us the way at the same time, each falling around the place drunk & each trying to drown the other out and neither of them were making any sense, I then realised they were both hearing impaired...quite severely I think. I decided to pretend I understood them and said "Oh, yeah, great thanks" & indicated for my boyfriend to step on the accellerator. Could our luck get any worse....Yes we drove around more and then saw another couple....yay we thought at last. But no, we drove up and guess what it was the same couple...they started ranting at us again and when my bf pulled away they went psycho jumping into the road and screaming non sensical words at us. I cant remember how we did get home that night but I've carried a map in my car ever since.

InFront

Driving around Cape Town and being given directions like: keep going straight and turn right at the second robot.
Unfortunately, robots are just traffic lights:o

I was in town one evening when someone asked directions to a pub which he happened to be standing directly in front of. Us seeing the possibilty of comedic value in the situation sent him miles out of his way. We happened to see him in town the next day outside the pub we meet him and he gave us the most evil look as we passed. We merely waved and asked him if he enjoyed his walk.

Steve_o

jaffa20 wrote: »

Reminds me of a story a friend told me about a tourist asking for directions in dublin. Anyway, it was something like "Ah go straight, take a left at the bridge, roight. Go left, roight. Go straight past the roundabout, roight".

The poor tourist :P:P

lol, I seen this happen only with a Londoner instead of a Dubliner... very funny! It was our old soccer coach, we were waiting in the square in Portarlington to get a bus to a match and a kerry couple asked us for directions to Tullamore...*London accent* "Right... you go straight right, then take the first left right....etc" they looked disgusted!!!

Mossy Monk

We used to send tourists to all kinds of places when younger. Wasn't fun when you met them again though.

A_M101

My secondary school was located very close to a hospital.

One day, I was walking back to school with a friend and a car pulls up and someone shouts out the window "Which way to the hospital?", my friend, in just at much haste, shouts back "That way *points* and left at the egg roundabout!".

Only she'd forgotten about a new egg roundabout installed and we watched in horror as they headed right in the direction of the middle of nowhere.

Quazzie

A_M101 wrote: »

My secondary school was located very close to a hospital.

One day, I was walking back to school with a friend and a car pulls up and someone shouts out the window "Which way to the hospital?", my friend, in just at much haste, shouts back "That way *points* and left at the egg roundabout!".

Only she'd forgotten about a new egg roundabout installed and we watched in horror as they headed right in the direction of the middle of nowhere.

WTF is an egg roundabout??

A_M101

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

WTF is an egg roundabout??

You know those really annoying mini roundabouts? The ones where it's sometimes easier to just drive right over them? Look like a big fried egg in the middle of the road?

Steve_o

A_M101 wrote: »

You know those really annoying mini roundabouts? The ones where it's sometimes easier to just drive right over them? Look like a big fried egg in the middle of the road?

Portlaoise is covered in those... they are the worst thing ever on a driving test!

Quazzie

A_M101 wrote: »

Look like a big fried egg in the middle of the road?

LMFAO

Funny but true!

Tricity Bendix

I was giving directions to a blind man once. Twas only afterwards I realised I had been gesticulating wildly. Ever since I have always tried to give directions without moving my arms. Its far harder than it sounds!

chin_grin

Bugs Bunny: Should have turned left at Albuquerque.

stevoman

my auntie came home from egland and met two other english people on the plane whom she befriended. the told her they were looking to get to killiney, and knowing she grew up in ireland they thought she's know. No problems she said and brought them to hueston with her to get the train and stuck them on the train to killarney!

ChapOfDRyans

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Well, good on you, cause you'd obviously have to pass through Kerry and/or Cork in going to Waterford.;)

No he wouldn

Turd Ferguson

Outside Conolly station one day some people came up and asked how to get to Croke Park. I said "Practise" and walked off. I head one of them saying "What a jerk" as I walked away.

Much lolz for me

AckwelFoley

Hi, do you know a good place for a family to eat after 9 pm?

Yea, sure do.. go up there pass the central bank and there is a place called the George.
There is alot of eating there after 9..

Main dish served.. choice of 2... sausage or prawn

Enjoy your stay in the emerald Isle my english friends.

quoteunquote

Two American tourists came up to me once and asked "Excuse me, could you point me in the direction of zero zero L.A."

Took me a while to cop that they were talking about Oola.

Collie D

snyper wrote: »

Hi, do you know a good place for a family to eat after 9 pm?

Yea, sure do.. go up there pass the central bank and there is a place called the George.
There is alot of eating there after 9..

Main dish served.. choice of 2... sausage or prawn

Enjoy your stay in the emerald Isle my english friends.

Ah, many a marauding stag party was sent in that direction.

Call Me Jimmy

I'll never forget this one.

I was walking down the main road in my small town in the north of Dublin heading for home when this car slows down in front of me and the guy driving it gestured to me. I went over to the window and he rolled it down, he says, "How do I get to Murray's Pub from here?" to which I replied "ah it's just around the corner there, straight up there and to the right".

So yer man says, "ah thanks a lot", then he pulls off in the right direction and I continued walking home! Priceless!

justindublin

Rat Race!

Brilliant scene with Whoopi Goldberg and Kathy Bates...

"You should have bought a squirrel!"

Ah gold! :rolleyes: