Is it wrong to snoop if you know your girlfriend cheated?

mobilecore

ok, try to make this a very short story.

Say your going great with a girl. You get introduced to all her mates, family and get invited along for special things (parties and inportant events for her etc) ... then boom. you break up. a month later you get back with her. But things changed you are no-longer in her life... she has all new friends, alot of male friends, you get the impression no-one knows you are back with her, her personal pages like bebo are on private even and you're not a friend with the "i cant let my family know i am back with you cause of the **** that was said" so you cant see the profile ...

more lies continue. seriously obvious blantant lies about she was going out drinking... but she would say "i'm going out to my sisters house in skerries and my phone is low on power" - when its obvious she was heading out or not being able to contact her on certain nights then you get a random text at 2.30 saying "i fell alseep you still up?"


then an important social event that you were meant to be going with her too - doesnt happen. in fact, she takes the guy you suspected she asked behind her back. then you later find out she did ask him while with you "but nothing happened" accordingly.



the question i ask... with so much mistrust and lies being said in the paragraph above... is it wrong / is it crossing the line to find out the truth? obviously by petty methoeds? .. knowing that there is so much more you dont know about?

MagicMarker

Why not just break up with her and move on?

Even if she isn't cheating she doesn't sound like much of a catch, than again i'm basing that on your paranoid point of view.

mobilecore

believe it or not ... and this is where it gets sad.

everything i said above happened in july/august of last year (2007)

after the important event i didnt get to goto. we broke up. got together again. i got parnoid again. broke up. two months later back again lol. got parnoid again.

the freaky thing and sad thing as i later found out after it was all said and done she was cheating on me during this perioid. the guy she took she was seeing behind my back and slept with him. she kissed other guys not just during the summer period. But even after.

i know the most obvious answer is "move the **** on" - which i plan on doing.

but... shortly before the break up i did something very immature and maybe crossed a line. ... I hacked her. To find out things.

I guess what I am really asking is ... knowing i was so parnoid through-out the relationship (which after it was all said and done i found out those things actually happened) is it wrong to hack her? ... or was it free game? me being a secret, not knowing any friend, no-one knowing i even still exsisted... secret boyfriend like.


thats my real question.

sinnerboy

Sorry OP . To answer the question - yes - it would be wrong to snoop .

Because you would be maintaining an interest in someone who really has no genuine interest in you .

This girl is not what you want her to be .

Face that and i am sure that before too long somone better will be along

MugMugs

Firstly, allow me to congratulate you on your "l337 h4x0r" skills.... What did you do ? Find out her email password was bunny ?

Anyway, I apologise in advance for the above comment...

You are being taken for a ride and it isnt you doing the driving.

This girl has an evident level of zero respect for you and is treating you accordingly.

You could entertain this in one of two ways

1. Play her at her own game. Live your life as normal, almost if not a single life and make it obvious what you are doing.

2. Get rid of the dead weight of a GF that you have move on.

Somebody who is treating you with such a low level of respect would not even get a salutation from me... let alone a pretend relationship...

The Sweeper

First, if by "I hacked her" you mean "I guessed her password by using her date of birth and the answer to her sekkrit kwestion", then stop trying to sound cool.

Second, it's wrong to snoop. End of.

Sherifu

Yes it's wrong. Lol @ the hacking bit.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Does it matter? Whether you're right or worng, this 'relationship' sounds way to messy to paranoid tp survive.

Jack B. Badd

I am so confused. Are you two together now or what?

pookie82

Well i would say no, she obviously did enough to you so snooping through a few telling e-mails to gain the truth from someone who's lying to you isn't out of order in my book. But to most it is.

I'm confused too, though. Are you still with her or not? if not are you just feeling guilty about what you did and looking for affirmation???? And if the latter is the case, why? Surely it's over and done with.

Karen_*

Well she treated you like dirt and you hacked her. Both of you were wrong. But its not like you needed to hack her as her behaviour was actually apparent.

Is it all off now? If so then move on and forget it. If not then you need your head tested.

MagicMarker

Did you take the blue pill or the red pill before you hacked her?

Seriously, time to move on methinks. You've already done it, no point looking for reassurance now.

pookie82

MagicMarker wrote: »

Did you take the blue pill or the red pill before you hacked her?

:D:D

herya

I'd say it's wrong to snoop no matter whether she cheated or not. Plus it's pointless.

Is you know she's cheated, there's no need to snoop, is it? And you'll only stoop to her level.

If she hasn't cheated, it's unfair to snoop, she doesn't deserve it and could be rightly pissed if you had.

Trinity

When did you hack her?

I assume you mean bluetooth hacking? Does that actually work?

If its well finished why does it matter? You needed to know and you found out. Sometimes we just need a good kick in the teeth.

No I dont think its wrong in your case tbh. The signs were there, it was obvious.

It happens you know like in the movies, they have you think you are going fcuking mad and you just KNOW. You got your piece of mind you have to move on now with no regrets and no years of wondering if you made a mistake or you were wrong about her, maybe she was the one and i am a nutjob kind of ****e we all go through when someone is a good liar or we care about them too much to see the wood from the trees and want to believe we are the fcuked up ones.

Well You werent wrong and your life is gonna be a whole lot better i imagine without that head melt in it and if thats what it took for you to get shot of her well so be it. Whats done is done. I'd say there is only a small percentage of peopel actually admit to cheating when approached on the subject. Isnt that the golden rule,, deny deny deny? People make such eejits out of other people its so very very sad.

I wouldnt advice it in future relationships though just trust your gut and dont let a bad experience with her ruin your future relationships. Anyone starts treating you in a way that you are not happy with just walk, no spy tactics required just get teh fcuk out

Liam Byrne

Depends on the motive behind the hacking, I guess.....

If you were looking TO catch her out, it was stupid, coz the signs were blatantly obvious.

If you were looking for something that showed that you were being paranoid, THEN I'd forgive it.

But since the signs were so blatant, you should have just forgotten about it. I know it's not easy - I went through a month of ignoring the obvious last year. In retrospect, I couldn't explain why.

But since you know, forget it and move on.

mobilecore

your right.
thanks for the sound advice guys.

my heart and mind was messed up. on one hand, i knew she was cheated. Being a total secret and just such obvious blantant lies and when i asked "hold on what went on there" etc she would blantantly lie and swear on her family that she didnt and couldnt do that on me.


i dunno why i hacked. like, i know it was SO blantant and looking back did i really have to hack like cause i knew. I just was going against myself.

i think i should just move on. just because i loved her doesnt mean she loved me back. ah screw it. lifes complicated huh? lol.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

mobilecore wrote: »

i think i should just move on..

Best thing you can do really.

mobilecore

you're right. I guess i was trying to see if what i did was bad.
All i did was find the truth - which, in fairness, i already knew but least i knew.

doesnt make me "right" - but its not totally wrong at the same time. She crossed the line cheating first, i guess i nearly made things even.

m83

Hey OP, do yourself a favour and just move on. That girl is no good for you and looking back to the good times won't help you in the slightest either. It's easy to have a great honeymoon period, that's pretty much de facto with new relationships so don't think ye had anything special.

Live and learn my friend...

mobilecore

Your right.
I'm sorry to keep adding to this topic - i never really talked about what i've been feeling for the last few months and it helps & probably the fact we are all strangers helps too, get me?

Maybe I am just beat up about it. 3 weeks after it was all said and done she met another lad... week after that they were in a "relationship" .. 2 weeks after that she was in "love" with him accordingly.

that was march. now its august.... geez thats not healthy for me, lol. shes still with him. ever since she got with him her bebo page was filled with "I LOVE CIARAN" - which lets face is if she loved me she couldnt just go from 100 to 0 back to 100 in the space of 4 weeks. I know this, i guess i dont want to accept it.

i think the only thing thats screwing me up is that she always used to say her flashbox video describes how she feels at the moment... which since the final breakup has been filled with sad emotional songs about a man & woman...

songs like "run" by snow patrol.
"the story" 30 seconds to mars
"just a day" - Feeder
"better days" / "let love in" - goo goo dolls.
"Fake plastic Trees" - Radiohead.

ah.. my head is melted.

Trinity

mobilecore wrote: »

Your right.
I'm sorry to keep adding to this topic - i never really talked about what i've been feeling for the last few months and it helps & probably the fact we are all strangers helps too, get me?

Maybe I am just beat up about it. 3 weeks after it was all said and done she met another lad... week after that they were in a "relationship" .. 2 weeks after that she was in "love" with him accordingly.

that was march. now its august.... geez thats not healthy for me, lol. shes still with him. ever since she got with him her bebo page was filled with "I LOVE CIARAN" - which lets face is if she loved me she couldnt just go from 100 to 0 back to 100 in the space of 4 weeks. I know this, i guess i dont want to accept it.

i think the only thing thats screwing me up is that she always used to say her flashbox video describes how she feels at the moment... which since the final breakup has been filled with sad emotional songs about a man & woman...

songs like "run" by snow patrol.
"the story" 30 seconds to mars
"just a day" - Feeder
"better days" / "let love in" - goo goo dolls.
"Fake plastic Trees" - Radiohead.



ah.. my head is melted.

Stop looking at it dude

Seriously stop obsessing about it. She has more to feel guilty about than you. Look I know you are feeling low but pop over to the ladies lounge and have a browse through the thread there about your worst relationships etc. Its an eye opener at the least and you will see we have all been there.

We've all been hurt and you are just wasting your time and energy obsessing over this girl who to be honest sounds like a little cnut who hasnt given you a second thought.

She didnt look back my dear and neither should you. There are much nicer girls out there worth your time and thoughts.

I know its hard to move on, but its not a case of wanting to its a case of having to and seriously the less you know about her the better. You are melting your own head.

Maybe the sad songs on her flashbox are all sad songs cos Ciaran is making a fcuking eejit out of her the way she did to you. Its called Karma and we all get it.

You are reading too much into it. I'm sorry to sound harsh but her bebo page does not say she is missing you.

m83

mobilecore wrote: »

Your right.
I'm sorry to keep adding to this topic - i never really talked about what i've been feeling for the last few months and it helps & probably the fact we are all strangers helps too, get me?

Maybe I am just beat up about it. 3 weeks after it was all said and done she met another lad... week after that they were in a "relationship" .. 2 weeks after that she was in "love" with him accordingly.

that was march. now its august.... geez thats not healthy for me, lol. shes still with him. ever since she got with him her bebo page was filled with "I LOVE CIARAN" - which lets face is if she loved me she couldnt just go from 100 to 0 back to 100 in the space of 4 weeks. I know this, i guess i dont want to accept it.

i think the only thing thats screwing me up is that she always used to say her flashbox video describes how she feels at the moment... which since the final breakup has been filled with sad emotional songs about a man & woman...

songs like "run" by snow patrol.
"the story" 30 seconds to mars
"just a day" - Feeder
"better days" / "let love in" - goo goo dolls.
"Fake plastic Trees" - Radiohead.

ah.. my head is melted.

Ahh c'mon man! Get a grip! You have absolutely no future with her WHATSOEVER! I know it's harsh but you just have to do whatever it takes to move on, and you will move on, time is all you need!

Get off the Bebo, delete her or block her, just do not look at her page because it'll only drag on your healing period.

From the sounds of it anyway she was nothing special anyway so think yourself lucky to be rid of her.

towel401

yea and resist the temptation to turn into a stalker, because then she and all her other boyfriends can get you into a load of trouble and then she's the victim and you're the bad one.

but do remember her passwords, and anything else you 'hacked'. that way you can at least delete her page or fill it with nudes when you have found someone else. but its best to wait at least 1 year before doing such a thing

mobilecore

your right guys

thanks for all the opinions. this is the first time i openly talked about it on a message board since the break up.

gas think i'm already labeled as a "hacker" lol.

but at least i told her what i did. i came clean. she never came clean about anything.

ahh... life is complicated lol. and... erm... i am kinda leaving out ALOT about the girl.
like i dont want to spread stuff about the girl ... but ... i just want to get your opinions on this. but first off i dont like the way people in general only tell one side of the story or be biast. so i try to tell it the way it is. like i've done alot of bad stuff... all in the vein of paranoia but still no excuse. anyways, what do you make of this:

during one of our breakups in november. while i had no contact with her. she went around telling people she had breast cancer. i heard through her best friend who i slightly knew. then she was meant to go have "surgery" - then on the day of the "surgery" (you'll know why in a second why i am using commas) breast cancer turned into overian cancer. she went around telling people she had one of her overies removed and that she was in the hospital for 3 hours and then went home and that she would never have kids again.

yes. my ex actually lied about having such a serious thing as "cancer" - now i always knew she was a tad mad and emotional which i could deal with but ... erm ... when i look back at things such as that. i think that maybe she has "problems"

Jack B. Badd

mobilecore wrote: »

during one of our breakups in november. while i had no contact with her. she went around telling people she had breast cancer. i heard through her best friend who i slightly knew. then she was meant to go have "surgery" - then on the day of the "surgery" (you'll know why in a second why i am using commas) breast cancer turned into overian cancer. she went around telling people she had one of her overies removed and that she was in the hospital for 3 hours and then went home and that she would never have kids again.

yes. my ex actually lied about having such a serious thing as "cancer" - now i always knew she was a tad mad and emotional which i could deal with but ... erm ... when i look back at things such as that. i think that maybe she has "problems"

So? This has nothing to do with you. She could go around telling people she has two heads and it still has nothing to do with you.

This post really comes across like you're just having a whinge about this girl and trying to get others onside...though I don't see how that's going to help you with a bunch of randomers from the internet. My advise would be to find another way to bolster your ego.

m83

mobilecore wrote: »

your right guys

thanks for all the opinions. this is the first time i openly talked about it on a message board since the break up.

gas think i'm already labeled as a "hacker" lol.

but at least i told her what i did. i came clean. she never came clean about anything.

ahh... life is complicated lol. and... erm... i am kinda leaving out ALOT about the girl.
like i dont want to spread stuff about the girl ... but ... i just want to get your opinions on this. but first off i dont like the way people in general only tell one side of the story or be biast. so i try to tell it the way it is. like i've done alot of bad stuff... all in the vein of paranoia but still no excuse. anyways, what do you make of this:

during one of our breakups in november. while i had no contact with her. she went around telling people she had breast cancer. i heard through her best friend who i slightly knew. then she was meant to go have "surgery" - then on the day of the "surgery" (you'll know why in a second why i am using commas) breast cancer turned into overian cancer. she went around telling people she had one of her overies removed and that she was in the hospital for 3 hours and then went home and that she would never have kids again.

yes. my ex actually lied about having such a serious thing as "cancer" - now i always knew she was a tad mad and emotional which i could deal with but ... erm ... when i look back at things such as that. i think that maybe she has "problems"

FFS!! OP don't waste yours or our time anymore talking about this cnut. Seriosuly, how could anyone fake such a thing as cancer.. she should burn in hell.

Now stop your pining, this was a learner relationship. We all have them. They can hurt but they make you stronger. I hope you've learned a bit about yourself and what qualities and traits you would desire in a new partner.

Think positive ok, each new day brings you one step further from her and one step closer to true happiness

mobilecore

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

So? This has nothing to do with you. She could go around telling people she has two heads and it still has nothing to do with you.

This post really comes across like you're just having a whinge about this girl and trying to get others onside...though I don't see how that's going to help you with a bunch of randomers from the internet. My advise would be to find another way to bolster your ego.

bolster your ego? you couldnt be anymore wrong mate.

m83

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

So? This has nothing to do with you. She could go around telling people she has two heads and it still has nothing to do with you.

This post really comes across like you're just having a whinge about this girl and trying to get others onside...though I don't see how that's going to help you with a bunch of randomers from the internet. My advise would be to find another way to bolster your ego.

Tbh, we're more than a bunch of randomers on the internet. We are personal issuses and people post here because it really helps to get good solid and unbiased advise from strangers. I've learned alot from this forum and will continue to do so for as long as i can see.

hussey

as a FYI, hacking into someone's email account is actually fraud and can get you into a lot of trouble if caught.

as my friends email-hacker found out
(suspended sentence and barred to work with a computer for 18months)

spinandscribble

hussey wrote: »

as a FYI, hacking into someone's email account is actually fraud and can get you into a lot of trouble if caught.

as my friends email-hacker found out
(suspended sentence and barred to work with a computer for 18months)

nice. didn't know that could happen.

op, yeah she had "issues" but shes not the one posting a year later about a relationship that frankly, wasn't a real relationship at all at least not on her end. sorry but your above post seemed a bit bitchy and uncalled for, you just sound very bitter. everyone has a nutcase in their past but most don't let it bother them like this. please call a spade a spade and get over this for your own sake.

mobilecore

you're right dude.
no point bitching about it.

well thanks for the advice guys. might delete the thread or something.

- mobilecore.

board om

mobilecore wrote: »

you're right dude.
no point bitching about it.

well thanks for the advice guys. might delete the thread or something.

- mobilecore.

such a skilled 'hacker' like yourself should be able to delete the thread and the whole of PI, while getting all our passwords, bank account details, and underwear sizes. and then delete all of our memories so none of us even rememebr this thread ever happening :rolleyes:

on a serious note though, forget her and get on with your life. no point dwelling in the past. and just because she was a b1tch, doesnt mean you have to mistrust all women from now on. there are plenty of nice girls out there to choose from.

good luck

mobilecore

lol i aint a hacker! well.. for what i done is hacking but not "hacking hacking" just email security exploits was all. which lets face it... is immature.

but thanks for the kind words

(if i was a hacker i'd give you such a hacking right now LOL - *joking*)

mirwillbeback

MugMugs wrote: »

Firstly, allow me to congratulate you on your "l337 h4x0r" skills.... What did you do ? Find out her email password was bunny ?

Anyway, I apologise in advance for the above comment...

You are being taken for a ride and it isnt you doing the driving.

This girl has an evident level of zero respect for you and is treating you accordingly.

You could entertain this in one of two ways

1. Play her at her own game. Live your life as normal, almost if not a single life and make it obvious what you are doing.

2. Get rid of the dead weight of a GF that you have move on.

Somebody who is treating you with such a low level of respect would not even get a salutation from me... let alone a pretend relationship...

how can you apologise in advance AFTER making a comment

Irishcrx

She's using you and has no respect for you...get rid move on never look back.