Sexual issue

LegacyUser

I'm fairly sexually experienced in that I've been with a right few people but recently I've started to wonder whether my techniques could do with being brushed up.
A key issue I have I suppose is I often don't know if I've made a girl has orgasmed or not, so its hard to know how I'm doing. The girl usually seems happy enough, I've had no complaints......but how can you tell exactly when a girl has come/ is coming more clearly. I find it a bit off-putting and unsexy to ask a girl bluntly tbh any advice appreciated...especially from the ladies...thanks

Marksie

anatomy of the female Orgasm:

http://www.webmd.com/content/article/43/1687_51057.htm

This described the physiological changes in the basic genital orgasm.

But every women is different aas there are many different types of orgasm. But that link is good enough to give you some idea. (thouigh i disagree with the duration, they can last minutes or more)

sinnerboy

Funny that , a girl asked much the same question the other day. I think it is natural for everyone to get a little anxious about this . Everyone honest enough not act the lad / ladesse that is . There is is no escaping talking really .

Our most potent sexual organ is between our ears - not our legs .

Auldloon

The fact that your thinking about it and trying to improve tells me your probably doing better than most. Also you will learn a lot more in a steady relationship than random encounters.

xXxhotstuff xXx

might sound a bit odd but a lad i was with told me he studied porn and tried things he learned from it and trust me it definately paid off!!

LegacyUser

xXxhotstuff xXx wrote: »

might sound a bit odd but a lad i was with told me he studied porn and tried things he learned from it and trust me it definately paid off!!

Same here! We'll not porn as such, just had a good read around the web and looked into differnt techniqes. Try the same if concerned op, nothing to loose sure.

The way ive always been able to tell if i was making any girl orgasm fully was goin by their breathing and heart beat but usually more so when her legs would weakin and see the tensing of muscles in her legs(Thighs) and lower stomach to pubic bone. But mainly it'd be the obvious things such as physically see the vagina contractions if i was down there as well as some ejaculation/squiting aswell as vibrating afterwards. Most quys think that its all about working the clit, its more so finding the "g spot" in my own opinion, tis gold.

Anywho, just look around the net for techniqes if your concerned your not preforming the best, theres no harm in trying new things aswell sure. I would link to a few things but i dont think itd go down to well with the mods

fits

erm... dont do that (look at porn to get tips)

Theres lots of helpful resources online and good books too.

Or you could subscribe to Boards so you get access to S&S which is really good.

LegacyUser

Well, I dont know if this is just me or all girls but more then a co-incidental few lads Ive been with have noticed that when i come ...my lips, i mean the ones on my face ya dirty lot , swell up huge!!
in normal life they are average but after an orgasm they change noticably ...seemingly!

spurious

xXxhotstuff xXx wrote: »

might sound a bit odd but a lad i was with told me he studied porn and tried things he learned from it and trust me it definately paid off!!

I'd be quite surprised if that was true. Most porn I've seen has been ridiculous.

Essentially, she has to let herself orgasm. If she isn't ready for it, no amount of anything by you will make it happen. Some women have never let themselves have an orgasm and do not relate in any way to the nonsensical 'oh I'm gonna come!' that goes on in porn.

fits

The thing with orgasms is, if you have to ask then it didnt happen.

Beruthiel

sexissue wrote: »

A key issue I have I suppose is I often don't know if I've made a girl has orgasmed or not

In fairness, if they had actually cum, you'd know.

Liam Byrne

xXxhotstuff xXx wrote: »

might sound a bit odd but a lad i was with told me he studied porn and tried things he learned from it and trust me it definately paid off!!

You're joking, right ???? Or else you're definitely watching different porn than the usual rubbish!

Guys and girls who act out what they see on screen are doing what's "expected", and not being themselves - and tbh it's fairly pathetic.

You can definitely learn or improve along the way, but from valid sources - if I heard anyone trotting out a line or a move from a porn movie I'd probably lose interest (in every way) immediately..... :P

The guys and gals in those have 25 or 30 of a crew around them watching and have no relaxed intimacy or connection. True, they're good at what they do, but to me porn is like wrestling or Big Brother......if ya want to watch it, watch it, but it's 100% fake.

All you'll learn from porn is how to say "ooooh baby" while sounding like a prat, how to keep an erection with 25 people watching, and how to detach from any meaningful interaction with someone simply because you're getting paid to do so.

And don't get me wrong - I'm not on a moral high horse or against it; just saying that trying to "learn" from it would be like using a tabloid or a gossip magazine as a history book.

xXxhotstuff xXx

^^^^ nah im not jokin.. this lad told me he just sat watchin porn for hours without havin a **** nd jus learnin from it.. ok there were a small few ways he could improve but not much but lyk hes def the best iv had.. maybe porn isnt for everyone but id it def worked for him anyway!!

Teddi

I'd advise not to watch "porn" per say...

but sex education vids..now.....these often come from the same makers/producers of sex movies but they dont have all the glamour and cheesy guitar tunes playing in the background..

your delouding yourself in thinking you can get tips off the men in the films who train themselves to be able to perform the way they do in the films...plus the women would be faking it alot more in the vids than in everyday life, as they have no choice but to moan....otherwise the vids just arent going to sell....sad..but its true.

I would give you links to such places online but I obviously can't...but just google them....

they arent cheesey and they are taken step by step what to do...

Otherwise...follow marksie's advice...

your not going to look like a fool asking what she likes...communication is key here....that doesnt mean asking her every 10 seconds.."does this feel good?".....listen to her...

breaths getting deeper and heavier, more quick and frequent...and you'll often know she orgasms by her pelvic muscles spasming..almost jutting her "Groin" outwards.....I'm not sure If I explained that properly but those who have given one will understand what I mean...

google is a great tool if you know how to use it ....g'luck mate

Annie Bananie

fits wrote: »

The thing with orgasms is, if you have to ask then it didnt happen.

Was thinking the same tbh.. if you are not sure if she had an orgasm or not, then she most likely did not.

I think most (not saying ALL, as everyone is different) girls get contractions in the muscles in their vagina, you notice on their increased breathing and will most likely make a little more (or a lot) sound when she comes. Also girls can be very sensitive on their clitoris after just have come and may not want to be touched there straight away.

I would kinda think its the same as with guys, you notice when they come In their cases the evidence is more visual

Liam Byrne

xXxhotstuff xXx wrote: »

^^^^ nah im not jokin.. this lad told me he just sat watchin porn for hours without havin a **** nd jus learnin from it.. ok there were a small few ways he could improve but not much but lyk hes def the best iv had.. maybe porn isnt for everyone but id it def worked for him anyway!!

Remember one thing - that's not first-hand info (i.e. it's not YOU saying that YOU learnt from it).

There's no guarantee that he was telling you the truth; I mean, if he'd said "I learnt these things by being with 100 different women", would you have slept with him ?

Probably not. So the "safe" option was to claim he learnt from porn.

Like I said, I'm no porn expert, but IMHO the only thing you'll learn from porn is how to lick your lips and how to say "ooooh, uhhhhh" in the most unconvincing way imaginable!

LegacyUser

if you have the money, consider travelling to amsterdam or prague and visiting some of the places where you can easily find call girls/escorts.

Spend about a week there learning your trade. Look at it as WORK. I did this a few years back. Hadn't a clue about satisfying a woman and I had brought a girl home from Dakota in town and had a disastrous experiance in bed. Highly embarrassing.

Went to prague for a week and was with a different girl every night (I paid for it). Went in with the attitude of a student and basically told them I wanted to learn everything I needed to know. It was a good experience, I looked at it as WORK. The girls were all VERY hot.

Anyway, I came home and have had no worries ever since.Every girl I have been with has been very satisfied. And thats important, because if you are not fu*king a girl well, she will go elsewhere.

xXxhotstuff xXx

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Remember one thing - that's not first-hand info (i.e. it's not YOU saying that YOU learnt from it).

There's no guarantee that he was telling you the truth; I mean, if he'd said "I learnt these things by being with 100 different women", would you have slept with him ?

Probably not. So the "safe" option was to claim he learnt from porn.

Like I said, I'm no porn expert, but IMHO the only thing you'll learn from porn is how to lick your lips and how to say "ooooh, uhhhhh" in the most unconvincing way imaginable!

this lad was always honest with me and even told me about many of his previous sexual partners(whether i wanted to hear bout em or not) and told me what made him come.. k he didn tell me these things the first time i rode him but as we got more comfortable with each other he told me more

Marksie

xXXhotstuffxXx: Please read the charter in textspeak

Liam Byrne

wow100 wrote: »

if you have the money, consider travelling to amsterdam or prague and visiting some of the places where you can easily find call girls/escorts.

Spend about a week there learning your trade. Look at it as WORK. I did this a few years back. Hadn't a clue about satisfying a woman and I had brought a girl home from Dakota in town and had a disastrous experiance in bed. Highly embarrassing.

Went to prague for a week and was with a different girl every night (I paid for it). Went in with the attitude of a student and basically told them I wanted to learn everything I needed to know. It was a good experience, I looked at it as WORK. The girls were all VERY hot.

Anyway, I came home and have had no worries ever since.Every girl I have been with has been very satisfied. And thats important, because if you are not fu*king a girl well, she will go elsewhere.

:eek: You have GOT to be joking, right ???? Someone who lets you jump them because you're paying them is COMPLETELY different to someone you've got an emotional connection/investment in....

If it was all about work or the act of coming, we'd be perfectly happy going out with our left or right hands..... :P :rolleyes:

if you are not fu*king a girl well, she will go elsewhere.

And if you call it fu*king in a proper relationship, or if she does go elsewhere as a result, you're better off.....

Jeez, I've heard it all now.... :P

MIN2511

wow100 wrote: »

if you have the money, consider travelling to amsterdam or prague and visiting some of the places where you can easily find call girls/escorts.

Spend about a week there learning your trade. Look at it as WORK. I did this a few years back. Hadn't a clue about satisfying a woman and I had brought a girl home from Dakota in town and had a disastrous experiance in bed. Highly embarrassing.

Went to prague for a week and was with a different girl every night (I paid for it). Went in with the attitude of a student and basically told them I wanted to learn everything I needed to know. It was a good experience, I looked at it as WORK. The girls were all VERY hot.

Anyway, I came home and have had no worries ever since.Every girl I have been with has been very satisfied. And thats important, because if you are not fu*king a girl well, she will go elsewhere.

Very interesting read.
It's expected that men should have more experience than women, but thats not always the case and it results in these feelings.


I also don't see anything wrong with using prostitutes, it's a service and you pay for it.

It would be interesting to get the details

Jack Sheehan

wow100 wrote: »

if you have the money, consider travelling to amsterdam or prague and visiting some of the places where you can easily find call girls/escorts.

Spend about a week there learning your trade. Look at it as WORK. I did this a few years back. Hadn't a clue about satisfying a woman and I had brought a girl home from Dakota in town and had a disastrous experiance in bed. Highly embarrassing.

Went to prague for a week and was with a different girl every night (I paid for it). Went in with the attitude of a student and basically told them I wanted to learn everything I needed to know. It was a good experience, I looked at it as WORK. The girls were all VERY hot.

Anyway, I came home and have had no worries ever since.Every girl I have been with has been very satisfied. And thats important, because if you are not fu*king a girl well, she will go elsewhere.

Right. Don't do this.

Bottle_of_Smoke

wow100 wrote: »

if you have the money, consider travelling to amsterdam or prague and visiting some of the places where you can easily find call girls/escorts.

Spend about a week there learning your trade. Look at it as WORK. I did this a few years back. Hadn't a clue about satisfying a woman and I had brought a girl home from Dakota in town and had a disastrous experiance in bed. Highly embarrassing.

Went to prague for a week and was with a different girl every night (I paid for it). Went in with the attitude of a student and basically told them I wanted to learn everything I needed to know. It was a good experience, I looked at it as WORK. The girls were all VERY hot.

Anyway, I came home and have had no worries ever since.Every girl I have been with has been very satisfied. And thats important, because if you are not fu*king a girl well, she will go elsewhere.

Do you mention to your girlfriends they're going to need very regular smear tests if they want to go out with you? Actually, you don't know what that is, do you?

As reguards the porn thing, I found this worked too, though, you don't learn techniques, you just get a better idea of what different vaginas look like, how they differ etc. Makes you feel much more confident of where everything is.

LegacyUser

Liam Byrne wrote: »

:eek: You have GOT to be joking, right ???? Someone who lets you jump them because you're paying them is COMPLETELY different to someone you've got an emotional connection/investment in....

If it was all about work or the act of coming, we'd be perfectly happy going out with our left or right hands..... :P :rolleyes:



And if you call it fu*king in a proper relationship, or if she does go elsewhere as a result, you're better off.....

Jeez, I've heard it all now.... :P

Uhhh, do you have comprehension problems??

I was an absolute disaster in bed. Couldn't even get it up sometimes and didn't know how to satisfy a woman.

After one week of WORK and LEARNING, I learned everything I needed to know and I was CONFIDENT. And to be honest, as most people know, if you are confident you can satisfy the woman you are with, you WILL. It all comes down to this and this comes from experience. I was completely inept. After that week, I was confident in bed with any woman. And this feeling and the subsequent results have been worth every cent I assure you.

Sex is sex regardless. You have to be comfortable and confident you can perform. Would you rather get a girl that you happen to actually like a lot and fail to get it up because you are too nervous or fail to perform well or be PROACTIVE and learn how to please women and then when you are with the girl, NOT get nervous or be an amateur and do what needs to be done. Well, I know what I would rather do and what I DID.

Liam Byrne, the next time you get a girlfriend, don't shag her for 4 months (I actually did this years ago), because I was too embarrassed and didn't know the first thing about it. See if she's still with you at the end of that 4 month period.

Then come back and call my post sh*te.

Victor

OK, relax folks. Try to be helpful to the OP.

LolaLuv

I think if you're concerned about your partner's enjoyment, pay attention to her signals, and put her pleasure before your own, you'll do very well. There also has to be chemistry, which can't be created, just has to be there. Honestly, the fact that you're even asking tells me that you probably aren't that bad. The really terrible ones don't care. :rolleyes:

PS: The thing about the female orgasm is that it doesn't happen all the time. That's ok and isn't always a reflection of the quality of sex being had. So you might want to find a different measure of success.

PPS: Along those lines, if it isn't just a sex buddy relationship, make sure you're taking care of the woman emotionally. The more you pay attention to her needs outside of bed, the better the sex will be, guaranteed.

Marksie

Folks: Treat other posters with respect, deal with the post and do not personalise.

I do not agree that call girls would make the best teachers, but I come from a path of Neo-Tantric sacred sexuality, which is a whole different ball game altogether.

However, I will respect wow100's post as the means he began to overcome his confidence issues.
MIN2511 you are correct in what you say about men being expected to know.
It doesn't happen that way.
The simplest and yet for some the hardest is open communication..both being able to express what is happening and need.
Also OP look at the fact that non-verbal communication can tell you a lot more, physiologically. Though physiological reactions in energy and soul orgasms may simply not be present becasue your partner is somewhere else.

I find that porn sets expectations that orgasms should be of the screaming OMG variety, it sells sex as something it is not and put pressures on both to perform to an ideal which is at best limited and at worst misleading.

However, most of this is off topic.

OP: basics here..communication and openness and willingness to change and adapt... and respect, like posting in this thread

Liam Byrne

In an effort to stay helpful to the OP, I'll phrase my response this way:

1) Sex is a major part of a relationship and both parties need to be happy with the frequency and quality of your sex life; the "don't shag her for 4 months" (which, BTW, some people might view as an acceptable length of time) is, to me, extreme and is avoiding the issue. TALK to them, FFS!!!!! Intimacy is key and if she doesn't take at least some of your concerns / issues on board to some extent, then she ain't worth being with. The reverse is also true.

2) Confidence is a major part of sex and sexual attraction; likewise, a lack of confidence or an element of self-doubt can kill the moment

So no question on either of those points.

But "learning" from porn or from call girls - both of whom are PAID to ACT - is ludicrous, and would actually damage self-confidence. People who have sex for a living are - presumably - comfortable with their own bodies and know how to relax themselves and head off into their own little world in their head so that they can "enjoy" the experience (as stated above, at least 50% of sexual pleasure is between your ears).

So - to me - being with a call girl and listening to her going "oooh, ahhhhh" because you're paying her is about as useful in learning terms - I won't knock anyone who has used them for the obvious, that's their choice - as watching the A-Team or Power Rangers or Wrestling in order to learn how to fight.

Everyone's had one or two disasters - that's probably a given, be it brewers droop or . And through experience and intimacy, whether it's through a series of relationships or those lucky enough to find someone worth staying with early on, you get better.

If someone leaves solely because of this without making an effort to improve, then they're not worth keeping. Ongoing, it would be a problem, yes, but the way it was phrased above implied that they were fickle and fecked off because they weren't "fu*ked" properly.....if that's the case, then IMHO you are better off without them.

I'm also not going to cheapen anyone I've ever been with by filling you in on the details; in the context of an overall relevant discussion, fair enough, but in the context of whether or not they were kept happy in that regard, that's a private matter that I'd only divulge if it were helpful or relevant.

I'm also not debating whether wow100 is happy with their choice; that, too, is their call. Just as if someone came on here and said "I've been with 100 women and I'm pretty good at it now". Fair enough - whatever works for you.

I just would not recommend either approach, and would definitely not advise someone else to do that approach.

LegacyUser

If you dont know your girl has cum then she hasn't. Enjoying sex and cumming are two different things. The sensation might feel nice and you might hear things like "ahh,... oh yeah... " but if that's all you are getting then you haven't got there yet.

I've noticed goosebumps and a tensing of muscles just prior to eruption!

xXxhotstuff xXx

theres no point in criticizing(dunno if thats spelt right) and telling people oh thats stupid dont do that etc. the op asked for peoples opinions and advice and thats exactly what we're givin him.. yer saying the problem is due to lack of confidence but what are ye doin only knockin people who have given advice's confidence by tellin them theyr wrong but its obviously what works for them and their only trying to help the op out.. k give yer own advice grand but dont go telling people their way is wrong it might not work for you but that doesnt mean its not exactly what someone else wants to hear!!

taidghbaby

op you dont say wether your experience is many times with one girl, or once with many girls?!?

in my experience the first time you have sex with a girl, whilst it can be good, theres always room for improvement!

it takes a while to get to know the other person, their body, their likes and dislikes etc!

give it time and persevere wth one girl if possible!!

i-digress

I don't agree that if the OP has to ask, she hasn't. As mentioned above porn can give men unrealistic expectations of what an orgasm sounds like. Women do ejaculate. But, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking the girl in question. Another poster mentioned how women don't come everytime, but that its nothing to do with the quality of the sex itself which is true. But you could ask her if she came, and either way ask her if there's anything she would like you to do or try in future. As long as you ask in a caring way and don't look like you're just trying to get your ego massaged it should be fine.

John Mason

Why dont you just ask the girl what she likes or get her to show you what she likes.

There is no big secret to any of this. Every person is different and what works on one girl might not work on the next girl.

If you have an open, honest relationship, you shouldnt have problem

Just talk to her

LegacyUser

OP here.
Thanks for some useful advice.
A few points:
1) Yes, I often do know when a girls come but I often don't either. It's it the times I don't that I was wondering about.
2) A few of you mention developing chemistry etc. i suppose my problem is that it's usually one night stands or casual sex for me (maybe i need a proper relationship to learn more)
3) To the poster who suggested a weekend away whoring on the continent. Well, I wouldn't be into paying for sex to be honest. And even if I was I don't know what I could expect to learn from it, its not really 'real sex' after all is it.
Anyway, thanks!

HugoDuncan

OP, it's all about the oral. Bury your head down there for half an hour and tell me she doesn't have an orgasm. You might have a sore tongue afterwards but it's worth it. Just as she's about to explode pull out your franky and slip it in her and go like hammer and tongs for a few mins and you'll look like a sex god :cool:

Also you don't have to worry about blowing your beans too early. Tip: Using flavoured lubes/body paints down there is a good idea so you don't get bored/tired. Or even put foods down there like chocolate or strawberrys. Back in my youth I even ate a trifle out of girls doot when we were having sexy time in my car! :pac:

But yeah, good luck OP.