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Is it cheating if you don't remember?

  • 12-08-2008 8:58am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Morning Guys,

    My head is a mess and I need some advice. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years, we are both 27. Last weekend I was away for my cousins Wedding. My bf didn't really wanna go cause it was his best mates birthday and there was a big party happening so he stayed.

    I got back on the Sunday and my bf was in absolute bits from the party. The house was a mess and there were people sleeping everywhere. I didn't mind cause if I hadn't been at the Wedding I would've joined them! There was however, skins, cd cases covered in powder and sh*t like that everywhere. My bf slept for most of the day while I cleared up and got everyone out. He was hanging and I took care of him. He told me he had taken acid and couldn't remember any of the night.

    When I got into work yesterday, a friend of ours who I work with asked me about the wedding and how I was. She was acting kinda weird and aske dme to have lunch with her. She knew my bf before she knew me but we became close as I work with her. She is a good friend of mine now. She asked me to have lunch with her and she told me that during the party, she had walked into my bedroom to use the en-suite bathroom but had walked in on a couple in bed. It was my bf and a girl she'd never seen before. She said they were fully clothed but were defo about to get down to things. They were lying with there legs wrapped around each other and he was stroking her hair.

    I got sick immediately and had to leave work. I called my bf and hysterically asked him what was going on. I knwo I should have waited till I was calm but I couldn't. I was shaking with sadness, anger, fear and confusion.

    I am strangely, eerily calm today but I know that won't last.

    My friend in work told me they were so wasted that they didn't even react when she walked in. This was early on too, only about 1am. He was up until about 11 the foloowing morning.
    She said they stayed in teh room for hours nly coming downstairs at about 4am. She didn't know what to do so just left them at it.

    My bf claims he remembers nothing about this. He also said that acid is not a sexual drug and there is no way he could even get it up on acid. I've never done it myself but surely the whole hippy - free - love - generation were able to get it up.

    He swears nothing happened, he says he can name everyone ta the party and there was no strange girl. I apparently know everyone who was there.

    My friend in work said she had long dark hair. Who is she, how can I find out if he's lying?

    Is acid a sexual drug or would you be unable to perform? He swears that it f*cks you up so badly all you can do is sit and stare into space and laugh uncontrollably. Sex is the last thing on your warped mind.

    Need to stop writing. Please help.


«13

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    I particularly liked the part where you didn't bat an eyelid about the Acid abuse until after you thought he had cheated on you. Having said that all I know about acid is its incredibly psychoactive: He'd probably have an easier time recalling a conversation with a well-mannered dessert spoon than making a concious attempt to cheat on you. No clue about the libido-side of this though. sorry.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    He has a point, sex (or anything involving movement of any sort short of waving your hand in front of your face) is not generally on your mind if you're tripping on acid.

    You should be very careful with just how angry you get over someone else's word over his, becuase if it comes to light that he's being accused in the wrong a simple "Oh, that's ok then" on your part isn't going to leave him feeling very happy or trusted.

    If he swears nothing happened, do you believe him? Do you trust him? Why would you believe this mutual friend over him?

    Perhaps ask them both if they'll talk to you, the three of you together, and sort it out that way? I'm assuming you can all act maturely in such a situation and not resort to throwing accusations and screaming at each other of course.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,900 ✭✭✭littlefriend


    I believe him. It is not in anyway, by any even remote stretch of the imagination a sexual drug. Obviously, it looked bad to your friend but I really wouldn't worry about it. Easier said than done obviously and yeah sure he shouldn't have been so out of it he didn't know what he was doing but really try not to be upset about this.
    If you were able to hear the sh*te they were talking you'd probably be laughing. Solving the problems of the world. The hair thing - he was probably saying wow hair is soft or some rubbish like that.
    Honestly - the last thing on his mind would have been sex.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,776 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    People use drink and druges as excuses waaaay to easily these days. And it doesn't matter whether he did or didn't get it up, what's he doing in anothe woman's arms anyway?

    The question, though, is this: if he did cheat, are you prepared to forgive him? And is he prepared to drop the drugs if you do?

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Ikky Poo2 wrote: »
    People use drink and druges as excuses waaaay to easily these days. And it doesn't matter whether he did or didn't get it up, what's he doing in anothe woman's arms anyway?

    The question, though, is this: if he did cheat, are you prepared to forgive him? And is he prepared to drop the drugs if you do?
    You're assuming he was ever even in bed with anyone. He swears he knew everyone at the party and that this mystery girl doesn't even exist, so I presume he's also claiming to never have even been in a bed with anyone.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 316 ✭✭Magpie!


    How do you know he took acid? Sorry to say but he could be lying about that too.

    Would your friend have any reason to lie to you? Was she in a fit state to be a reliable witness? Was there anyone else there that you can trust to ask?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    Err was your friend one of the people taking said mind altering substance? Did she see what she thought she saw?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    I don't think acid is a drug where you'd black out OP. Hard and all as it is to deal with I can't see any reason that your friend would make this up. But your bf would definately deny. you need to ask around and see does anyone remember this girl. also check your bed for long dark hairs, there's bound to be some.

    And get rid of that nasty drugs party scene out of your life. Horrible way to live really.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    ....well, one thing - was your friend on acid? Perhaps she was hallucinating? It's worth considering.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,900 ✭✭✭littlefriend


    Ppl do stuff like that on acid...sit having deep and meaningful discussions for hours with randomers about nothing. Yes be annoyed with him but try not to be hurt - there is no point.
    Sounds like there was more than acid going around at the party which may explain the black out bit. I know 2 ppl that did e this weekend [at seperate parties] and can't remember anything about the night other than the pills had a lot of acid in them. One of the girls fainted and fell down stairs and ended up getting ten stitches - doesn't remember anything about the night until she was on the way to hospital. The other girl remembers very little too except she thought she could see the blood in her veins. GROSS.
    As someone else said, just get away from the whole drug party scene. Nothing good ever comes of those situations. Your boyfriend probably has the fear of God in him so I'd say he'll be agreeable to this.

    ps -There is no way your friend would have imagined the whole thing.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 81 ✭✭VeryBerry


    I don't think you're ever going to know the truth 100%. It sounds like people were really messed up, and you'll never get a straight answer. It comes down to making a decision about who you're going to believe.
    Who do you trust more? Your partner, or your friend?

    Is your partner the type of guy who would sleep with someone else while he's off his head on acid? Is your friend the type of person who would lie/imagine she saw your partner with someone else?

    Only you can answer that. I hope it works out for you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lysergic_acid_diethylamide#Effects

    Nothing in there about Memory loss. Fancy Molecule though. It isn't enough to convict him of cheating though.

    Personally I'd let the Big Question lay to rest and focus your energies on his Acid binging if that is what in fact happened.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    First of all, there is a lot of conjecture both in the story and in peoples advice.

    In my experience you can absolutely have sex on acid....I know this because i have had sex on acid. It's nice, but thats a story for another time.

    Personally i have never done anything as ground breaking as having sex with someone on acid and then forgotten about it.....i have gone to the fridge for a sandwich and been shocked that i had a sandwich though. What i am saying is that acid tends to blur out the small things....the big things just become a bit more prominant i guess.

    With regard to him lying there with a mystery girl....acid has made me lie there with someone for hours just chatting or messing with there hair and being general amazed. It's just what acid does.

    With all due respect to you friend, she didn't see ****. Lying there with a lass is not sleeping with a lass.

    What i would be most worried about is your boyfriend abusing drugs to the point where he can't remember anything to be honest.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭mbren


    Hey OP,

    As someone who has taken acid a few times, I wouldn't be worried at all. Sex is the last thing on your mind when your tripping! Do you know if the girl who saw them was tripping as well??...It could be possible that she was tripping and visualised them in bed...She even said it was a strange girl in bed with him, whereas he said he knew everyone there.

    As mad as it may sound to someone who has never taken acid, the mind will actually have you seeing things that aren't there. It's crazy to think that someone could see things that aren't there but that's what happened!

    Anyway, I won't go on, but I would take your boyfriend's word for it!

    Best of luck with it, i'm sure you'll get to the bottom of it ;-)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    yeah, 2 people, opposite sexes, in the same room for hours. its hard not to imagine them doing the dirty but it happens - ive been there a few times. very lazy sundays those were.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    If everyone was tripping at the party then unfortunately you will never ever get to the bottom of it, when you're that mangled, reality is hugely altered. Quite possible they were just having an off-the-wall chat, and I would take your friend's account of them being up there for a set period of time with a HUGE pinch of salt. If she was tripping too, five minutes could have seemed like five hours and visa versa so you will NEVER get to the bottom of what went on unfortunately.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 817 ✭✭✭Burial


    Angryacid wrote: »
    Morning Guys,

    My head is a mess and I need some advice. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years, we are both 27. Last weekend I was away for my cousins Wedding. My bf didn't really wanna go cause it was his best mates birthday and there was a big party happening so he stayed.

    I got back on the Sunday and my bf was in absolute bits from the party. The house was a mess and there were people sleeping everywhere. I didn't mind cause if I hadn't been at the Wedding I would've joined them! There was however, skins, cd cases covered in powder and sh*t like that everywhere. My bf slept for most of the day while I cleared up and got everyone out. He was hanging and I took care of him. He told me he had taken acid and couldn't remember any of the night.

    When I got into work yesterday, a friend of ours who I work with asked me about the wedding and how I was. She was acting kinda weird and aske dme to have lunch with her. She knew my bf before she knew me but we became close as I work with her. She is a good friend of mine now. She asked me to have lunch with her and she told me that during the party, she had walked into my bedroom to use the en-suite bathroom but had walked in on a couple in bed. It was my bf and a girl she'd never seen before. She said they were fully clothed but were defo about to get down to things. They were lying with there legs wrapped around each other and he was stroking her hair.

    I got sick immediately and had to leave work. I called my bf and hysterically asked him what was going on. I knwo I should have waited till I was calm but I couldn't. I was shaking with sadness, anger, fear and confusion.

    I am strangely, eerily calm today but I know that won't last.

    My friend in work told me they were so wasted that they didn't even react when she walked in. This was early on too, only about 1am. He was up until about 11 the foloowing morning.
    She said they stayed in teh room for hours nly coming downstairs at about 4am. She didn't know what to do so just left them at it.

    My bf claims he remembers nothing about this. He also said that acid is not a sexual drug and there is no way he could even get it up on acid. I've never done it myself but surely the whole hippy - free - love - generation were able to get it up.

    He swears nothing happened, he says he can name everyone ta the party and there was no strange girl. I apparently know everyone who was there.

    My friend in work said she had long dark hair. Who is she, how can I find out if he's lying?

    Is acid a sexual drug or would you be unable to perform? He swears that it f*cks you up so badly all you can do is sit and stare into space and laugh uncontrollably. Sex is the last thing on your warped mind.

    Need to stop writing. Please help.


    Being on acid is NOT an excuse. Tbh, how is being on acid or them doing lines of coke, (which you imply I presume), an acceptable thing? If he does this on acid then tell him to stop taking it. He'll probably do it again and tell you it's not a sex drug. Doesn't matter. He can't remember what he did, so who knows what he did. If he could've done something, then he shouldn't take acid if he loves and cares for you because of how it is making you feel.

    Honestly, how is him doing acid not the problem? If your alright with him taking acid, then your ok with whatever the flock he does. I presume you have no experience with acid and I have none either. So if you accept that he takes acid, accept the consequences. Acid is no more a sex drug then alcohol is. If I was you I wouldn't be dealing with people who do that crap. He even says it f*cks him up badly, so why take it?

    *EDIT*

    I agree with Miss Fluff. You'll never know what happened. Inmy opinion, if he wasn't on acid and this happened, how would you feel? Would you let him off because he didn't take viagra, and therefore not sexually aroused? Acid isn't an excuse. Don't pretend that it is.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 939 ✭✭✭Aurora Borealis


    Overheal wrote: »
    yeah, 2 people, opposite sexes, in the same room for hours. its hard not to imagine them doing the dirty but it happens - ive been there a few times. very lazy sundays those were.


    +1

    Yeah it does. If you've no other cause for suspicion I'd let this one go but tell him obviously that you're not comfortable with him ending up in situations like this whether he was too fecked to remember it or not.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 16,661 CMod ✭✭✭✭faceman


    I would see this totally different than some of the posters here. In the event your partner did cheat on you, whether or not he was wasted at the time, or cant remember is completely irrelevent and inexcusable.

    While its not clear whether or not he did cheat on you, i would have serious issues with some of the points raised.

    I dont know how close he is to your family but id imagine the wedding was arranged well in advance, and i expect it was arranged much earlier than the party. If i was you, and I came home to the house with bodies and remains of drugs everywhere, I would question my partner's priorities.

    Even if he did cheat, but did spend a number of hours in a bedroom alone with another girl, wrapped around her playing with her hair. Call me old fashioned, but thats not appropriate behaviour of someone in a long term relationship and if it was me, i doubt its someone Id stick around for.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Acid can be most definitely a sex enhancer, I know Ive often used it that way, in the early days I took it -it wouldnt have occured to me to have sex on it but then when I did, I began to use it and shrooms for that.

    Also the thought that he cannot remember the whole night, sorry more bull$hit, you cannot sleep on acid, no amount of joints and booze will overcome it....sorry OP but thems the facts.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    faceman wrote: »
    I would see this totally different than some of the posters here. In the event your partner did cheat on you, whether or not he was wasted at the time, or cant remember is completely relevent and inexcusable.

    While its not clear whether or not he did cheat on you, i would have serious issues with some of the points raised.

    I dont know how close he is to your family but id imagine the wedding was arranged well in advance, and i expect it was arranged much earlier than the party. If i was you, and I came home to the house with bodies and remains of drugs everywhere, I would question my partner's priorities.

    Even if he did cheat, but did spend a number of hours in a bedroom alone with another girl, wrapped around her playing with her hair. Call me old fashioned, but thats not appropriate behaviour of someone in a long term relationship and if it was me, i doubt its someone Id stick around for.

    Thank you, that's exactly how I feel. He knew about the wedding for months and I didn't give him any tack when he said he wanted to stay in Dublin for his friends party. He's not close to my cousin so I understood, still it would've been nice to have him at the wedding.

    I leave for 2 nights and this is the mess I come home too. I don't mind him taking acid at a party if I thought he could handle it. I'm not his mother, he can take what he likes. If it affects my life though then the line has to be drawn.

    If I had holed myself up in a room with a guy wrapped around me for hours, letting the guy stroke my hair and f*ck knows what else I'd be dumped pronto.

    He has not cheated before that I know of but girls fancy the arse of him and he's a flirt. My friend in work has no reason to lie to me. She was just drinking and had taken some coke but said her mind was very clear and alert and she knows what she saw. She said tehy only took acid about an hour beforehand so might not even have been tripping yet.

    I need to fidn out but he's using the I don't rememebr anything line.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 286 ✭✭SnowMonkey


    I once tock acid ona 5 hour bus jurney just as i got on the bus i dont remember the 5 hours at all all i remember is gettingof the bus. after beijg asked bye the bus driver.:D

    when your wired sometimes you need to be huged and stuff im like that when i take certain other drugs i turn into a 26 year old witha nappy my friends have to keep an eye out on me as i go missing...

    but the amount of times ive been so wired and i just get huged bye some girl just because its what you need, at the time Personally i would'nt say he was doing anything with her, Sometimes you need to be close to some one of the oposit sex calms things down big time....

    Your friend stumbeled into something that could look worse then it was.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,332 ✭✭✭valleyoftheunos


    OP be carefull when it comes to taking your friends word over your boyfriend's.

    Firstly, as another poster has pointed out, your friend was at this party also, what had she taken? was she Using acid also? if so she could have seen anything. indeed alchohol or any number of other substances such as Coke speed or Weed can affect you in alsorts of manners, she may well have misidentified your boyfriend.

    Secondly, what did she see? Two people cuddling on a bed? thats all she actually saw regardless of what she thought or assumed that might lead to, she didn't see it happen so she cant know.

    In short, if your friend was drinking or using Drugs at this party she may not be a very reliable witness, remember that when you are trying to reconcile what may or may not have happened.

    Talk to you Boyfriend about what might have happened and resolve it with him, your friend has had her input its now best that you leave her out of it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 827 ✭✭✭thebaldsoprano


    Did your friend take acid?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 137 ✭✭Annie Bananie


    To me it would not be a matter of if he was able to have sex, if he just cuddled the girl or if he can't remember cheating on you. The problem is that he is using them drugs which makes him do stuff he don't remember or normally would not do at all.

    THAT would set me off in rage, but is obvisously fine with others. We are all different.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭StormWarrior


    Angryacid wrote: »
    Is acid a sexual drug or would you be unable to perform? He swears that it f*cks you up so badly all you can do is sit and stare into space and laugh uncontrollably. Sex is the last thing on your warped mind.


    Sorry, but me and my ex boyfriend did a mushroom/acid combo in Amsterdam and it made us hornier than ever and gave him extra performance power. Sex was the foremost thing on both our minds once the drugs kicked in. And by the way, although we were hallucinating & tripping, we still knew exactly what we were doing, despite having taken 2 and a half acid tabs each. And as for someone on acid only being able to sit there staring into space that's rubbish. Whilst under the influence we managed to also walk all over Amsterdam. visit 2 museums and find our way back to the hotel.

    It is true though that you see things whilst under the influence that never actually happened. Maybe she just hallucinated it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    About a year ago I was at a party in my sister's house! The party had gone on for over 36 hours and I had taken a lot of drugs in that time! I walked into my sister's bedroom and saw my sister's fiancé in bed with one of her best friends.... I didn't know what to do, I freaked out and locked myself in the spare room to try and figure out how I would tell her.
    A little while later my sister came in to see what I was up to and I gently broke the news to her!!!All she could do was laugh because it turns out it was a random guy in the bed and her friend had accidently got into the bed when she came back from the toilet and didn't even realise he was in the same bed!!! In my mind they were both having sex when I walked in!! Not to mention I had just been chatting to my sister's fiance in a different room before i walked into the bedroom!!!
    If nobody had set me straight there and then I wouldn't have doubted what I had seen!! Im not saying your friend imagined it but it is a possibility!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,398 ✭✭✭Phototoxin


    Get the UV lights and some swabs and search the bed sheets. Its the only way you will 100%. However DNA tests are expensive these days.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,254 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    Is she a friend or does she just work in the same place as you? Is there a hidden agenda behind this girls action?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,494 ✭✭✭kayos


    Question why didnt your friend say something to your BF on the night? Sorry but if I saw a friend who was in a relationship in that situation I would have said something!


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    After reading all this, I'm immediately suspecting it was the friend in bed with your boyfriend, and she made up this girl so you wouldn't get angry at her, but at the same time make it clear to you that your boyfriend may have cheated.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    I'd be more worried about people taking acid in my house!

    Whatever about the "maybe" over what he "might" have done, I'd dump him over that alone.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Liam Byrne wrote: »
    I'd be more worried about people taking acid in my house!

    Whatever about the "maybe" over what he "might" have done, I'd dump him over that alone.

    Different people enjoy different things, the acid itself is clearly not that much of an issue for the OP.

    As i said, my only issue with it would be someone abusing to the point they can't remember a thing, but i would have the same issue with coke, e, booze or chicken wings tbh.

    OP, any updates for us?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭God Of Radio


    Look at it this way...he was gonna cheat sooner or later. This way he just went ahead and got it out of the way.

    Just kidding. I agree with above. ACID isn't something that raises a sexual impulse. If it'd been EX I'd say perhaps, but you never know. He may have used the ACID TRIP "LIE" as an excuse though!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,636 ✭✭✭dotsman


    Or he could have been raped.

    Yes, I'm serious.

    If he was so out of it (as he says he was), what's to say that the random girl didn't take advantage? Think about it the other way. If that was you who was on whatever drugs, completely out of it, went to bed and a random guy came in and took advantage of you while your in another dimension, and incapable of consciously saying "no" would you regard yourself as having cheated or having being date-raped/raped etc?

    I'm not saying this is what happened, but it is a possibility, and ultimately I know as much about what happened as every other poster and even yourself (and himself, if you believe him)!

    I think the issue for you now is to think to the future. Are you happy for him to get so "out of it" that it (whatever "it" may be) could happen again? Do you trust him in so far that he would in no way consciously cheat on you (if so, then it's just the drugs you have to worry about)? Are you able to put this behind you or do you think it will gnaw away at you until you become a complete paranoid? If the trust is broken, (regardless of whether he did something or not), then I think the relationship is high-tailing it up the creek with no paddles on board. Sorry!

    As for him not going to the wedding, that makes him insensitive (and possibly uncommitted), but necessarily a cheat.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,848 ✭✭✭Andy-Pandy


    Who does acid at a wedding???


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,290 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Silverfish wrote: »
    After reading all this, I'm immediately suspecting it was the friend in bed with your boyfriend, and she made up this girl so you wouldn't get angry at her, but at the same time make it clear to you that your boyfriend may have cheated.
    Ahhh the fiendish mind of a woman. :D Joke, don't shoot me, plus you can put a the same mind in my skull as I think there may be something in that TBH. Or anon12345's theory sounds equally plausible.

    As for the whole acid thing. In my youth I have dabbled once or twice and I don't think there would have been any way in hell I could have had anything even approaching a shaggete on the stuff. I remember someone attempting a snog and I thought she was eating me and not in a good way. Now people differ, Dragan for one had a different take, but the LSD end is only part of this IMHO.

    Unfortunately this comes down to pure trust on your part. Trust in your partner based on your time together and how you can build on that trust in the future if and when the dust settles on this.


    .

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    There are lots of things to take into consideration here....

    A) You're friend is lying
    B) He was on a bed with another woman and can't remember a thing
    C) He's lying and remembers everything
    D) He hadn't even taken acid at this time and it was more calculated than everyone thinks

    You will never know for sure, are you happy being in a relationship with this guy when you know he COULD have cheated?

    Personally, if i walked into my gaff with my OH + co practically unconscious with coke spread about the place they'd be getting their walking orders.

    This is the behavior of children.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Andy-Pandy wrote: »
    Who does acid at a wedding???



    Hmmmm...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    In Shane MacGowan's autobiography he talks about being on acid trying to talk a girl out of jumping off a building, then has sex with her afterwards. (she doesn't jump)

    Doesn't seem sexual in this case. I think he would have known better than to do that with people whilst someone who knows you was there


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    IF he cheated, and doesn't remember, its still cheating...Otherwise we'd all use that excuse

    Acid scares the bejesus out of me....'26 year old with a nappy' is not my idea of fun.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,658 ✭✭✭✭The Sweeper


    Okay OP I think you need to take a step back.

    You're currently like a terrier with the "IhavetoknowIhavetoknow" thing.

    Imagine your boyfriend has a sudden 'road to Damascus' moment and sees everything clearly. "Honey, I remember now! That was my friend Niamh, you know the one, in spite of her lovely long brown hair she has a face like a bag of hammers and no tits. But anyway. She was miserable and we were just lying on the bed and she was telling me about her life and man I was tripping so bad I was just thinking her hair looked like that shiny stuff you used to get in cassette tapes. You know the ones? Anyway. No drama, babe. ...babe? ....babe, you still there?"

    What difference would it make? Do you really think it'll all be okay again if he says 'oh yeah I remembered, nothing happened'? You need to let this particular incident go - recognise it as what is is, which is a symptom that your relationship is in danger of falling into a very bad patch.

    Personally I find your late twenties should be the stage that you do fewer recreational drugs - because now you probably have the income and independence that you can well and truly **** your life up irrevocably with drugs. You can afford them and nobody's left that can tell you not to. You need to make the choice that all out blitz parties are no longer how you want to spend your time and your cash. That, and look at the bloody mess they make!

    You guys need to figure out what the hell you're doing. Do you want a lifestyle that's all about booze, drugs, parties, being together but being apart, casual dating, so on? Or do you want a life where your partner chooses to go with you to an event that they may not be particularly interested in, just because they like spending time with you?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 286 ✭✭SnowMonkey


    There are lots of things to take into consideration here....

    A) You're friend is lying
    B) He was on a bed with another woman and can't remember a thing
    C) He's lying and remembers everything
    D) He hadn't even taken acid at this time and it was more calculated than everyone thinks

    You will never know for sure, are you happy being in a relationship with this guy when you know he COULD have cheated?

    Personally, if i walked into my gaff with my OH + co practically unconscious with coke spread about the place they'd be getting their walking orders.

    This is the behavior of children.



    i agree but dissagree with the behavior bit where not here to condone or approve on what some one does where here to give a jusgement of what we may think/beleave in order to help the op...


    i thinkits unfair to vilinise someone because they like ot have partys that sound as much fun as doing the fear and loathing las vegas experence. :)

    but the friend sounds really fishy to me........


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,315 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Angryacid wrote: »
    My friend in work told me they were so wasted that they didn't even react when she walked in. This was early on too, only about 1am. He was up until about 11 the foloowing morning.
    She said they stayed in teh room for hours nly coming downstairs at about 4am. She didn't know what to do so just left them at it.

    My bf claims he remembers nothing about this. He also said that acid is not a sexual drug and there is no way he could even get it up on acid. I've never done it myself but surely the whole hippy - free - love - generation were able to get it up.
    Let me get this straight: everyone is doing drugs, and yet she knows what time she saw them in bed, what time they came down at... she seems to have a great grasp of time. Perhaps ask her what she did. If she can't answer that question, I'd have doubts about her being able to tell the time, let alone find the bf in bed with another woman.
    Angryacid wrote: »
    She knew my bf before she knew me but we became close as I work with her. She is a good friend of mine now.
    This "friend" sounds suspicious, and possibly jealous of your relationship.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Honestly thw whole situation is just too weird. Step back, look at your life: is he worth holding on to? If yes, give him a mulligan, let the matter drop. If not, well then.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 286 ✭✭SnowMonkey


    the_syco wrote: »


    This "friend" sounds suspicious, and possibly jealous of your relationship.


    I agree with this dude :cool:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,097 ✭✭✭Darragh29


    Angryacid wrote: »

    There was however... cd cases covered in powder

    Maybe this was the cause of the problem??? Was he doing coke first and with yer wan on that and then started doing the acid???


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,972 ✭✭✭SheroN


    Your boyfriend needs to grow up. That kind of carry on is amusing among college students. It sounds sad when a fully grown man is still at it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 160 ✭✭Dirty_Diesel


    Having read over this a few time I'm still confused!

    Your (girl) friend has been friends with your bf before you two met ya? If she knows your boyfriend so well why didnt she say it to him first? Likewise, why didnt she tell him to snap out of his buzz and get away from the girl he was alleged to be with?

    From the sounds of it had you have been at the party; the exact same scenario could have happened. The only difference being you would have walked in on the two of them and joined in the hair stroking and fascination with colours, inanimate objects, etc.

    In summary, I wouldnt worry about the whole alleged cheating situation but I would be worried about the amount of drug use at your home.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,100 ✭✭✭johndaman66


    Like many of the OP's suggest I think the over-riding issue is that your boyfriend got totally off his face on acid in the first place. If I were you I think that would be bothering me more than anything else. At 27 years of age he should have a lot more cop on. Its not as if hes a college student without a bother in the world at this stage I'm sure. After that I think you should ask yourself do you trust him on the whole and I'm sure after three years you would have a good inkling. Is your friend just telling you fibs too you have to ask yourself. Maybe shes jealous or has her eye on your boyfriend. Speaking from the point of view of a fella I know girls can be very very devious and cunning in them kind of ways...And I'm sure many girls will agree with me on that one


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