Telling prospective flat mate/s;

Boston

So I'm in the process of looking for a flat share, and the thorny question of how / when to tell the prospective flat mate/s that I'm not straight is very present in my mind. So far my approach has been to say it at the viewing, if and only if I was really interested in the room. The logic being that if its going to be a problem, best not to waste each others time .

That said its been a bit of a pain in the ass telling random strangers and It may be seen as way too forward and putting off people who otherwise wouldn't have a problem. I'm tempted to start putting it in my initial response to adds that that way it won't be a worry, but I'm dubious about doing that.

Any advice or view points would be welcome.

tin_can_ted

I don't see any need to tell them tbh unless you actually plan on sharing a bedroom or something.

I'd be a bit freaked out if someone just said to me "I'm gay btw" just out of the blue on our first meeting.

Don't really know if that helps you all that much though.

Boston

If you accept that your house /flat mate will find out eventually unless you hide it* then it becomes necessary to tell them in order to avoid hurt feelings. Also imagine you've signed a year long lease and the person has some serious problem with your sexuality. Someone finding out by coming down to breakfast some morning and seeing another guy is probably the worst way.

*hiding it means being constantly paranoid

Fatloss08

if that person or persons have a problem with you being gay then there the homophobes with the issue , speaking from a hethrosexual perspective , if i had a gay lodger i wouldnt care to be honest , as long as there not at it at kitchen table , obviously thats kept to there room etc

but putting that in the ad wont gaurantee that they read it all , like when im selling things etc , i put where i am , how much , lowest price but i still get the , where you living whats yer lowest etc questions

i wouldnt say anything to be honest , i mean straight people dont go in looking at rooms and say " oh by the way im straight " , whats sexual orientation got to do with accomodation , worry about it if it becomes a prob

azezil

I've never felt the need to tell my flatmates about my sexuality, I don't hide it from them, if they ask where I'm going on a night out, I'll tell them. I don't see it as an issue.

MicraBoy

Although I haven't rented since I came out I have been on the other side. i.e. the one seeking a house mate. I have to say I chickened out a bit because I tended to advertise on places like Gaire or Daft and declared it a "Gay Friendly" house. This pretty much ensures you only get gay people answering the advert unfortunately.

I think you have to play it by ear with each situation. I don't think you are obliged to say anything but practically speaking it may avoid some tensions later.

One thing to remember is that in 90% of cases you tell people you are gay there is some sort of awkwardness. This can be fleeting or long lasting. If you tell them up front or after you have the room there will still be an awkward moment, so I don't think you are saving yourself anything by having to declare yourself.

I do recommend not letting them find out at the breakfast table though.

anotherlostie

I suppose there are lots of things that other people might have an issue with.

Let's imagine you are straight and you are dating a Muslim girl. Do you tell them this at interview stage in case they are Islamophobic? The list could go on.

I would take a softly softly approach. If I find a place I like, great, I take it. As I then get to know my flatmates, I can tell them (and I am being a real hypocrite here as someone who lived in the closet with 2 people for 5 years, one of whom was in there with me as it turned out ).

I think there are very few people who would ask you to leave if and when you told them, if that is what you are worried about.

ixoy

When we were looking for a flatmate it was at a time when my then bf was moving in. We were able to handle the situation on the basis that three guys, in two bedrooms, should make it clear. No issues from any of the prospective flatmates.
When we were then escaping the place a year later, a number of the people visiting to see the room were gay and said as much either by directly declaring it or making comments on whether my bf came with the room....

tin_can_ted

Where a tight T shirt and say that everything is fabulous when going to view the place.

That'll let them for you

drunkmonkey

tin_can_ted wrote: »

Where a tight T shirt and say that everything is fabulous when going to view the place.

That'll let them for you

Brilliant idea, go dressed as gay as possible, let your hands go all limp and giggle a lot, they'll definatly know your gay so you won't have to tell them unless they mention it....

If you were going to rent a room off me I'd like you to let me know your gay....i probably wouldn't rent you the room to be honest, that's not me be homophobic I would just prefer to live with straight guys for social reasons....saying that you could be a good laugh to have around....all depends on personality.....

I see your problem, best way to deal with is to be staright up with your potential flatmates at the start....some gay guys i've met have told me there gay before they told me there name, that really bugs me......if it was me in your position I wouldn't mention it until it's brought up.......:rolleyes: If you have a boyfriend you better mention it....

azezil

I suppose it really depends what you're looking for when you go to rent a place, when I go to rent a place I just see it as renting the room, I'm not looking to befriend the person I live with or even give a crap who they are, sure I'll stop for a chat if they wish to initiate it but generally I'm out and about a lot, so whenever I'm home I just stay in my room browsing the net or playing computer games.

I suppose because of this I don't feel the need to tell them I'm gay.

swiss

I don't see that you should announce it either, I didn't to any of my prospective housemates when I was looking for a gaff in Dublin last year. Though interestingly enough when one prospective landlord asked me "Anything else I should know about you?" with a slightly awkward questioning air I just let him know that I was gay (though in that instance I think he was sussing out whether I used drugs or something - like I was going to announce it if I did).

If they bring up something like an understanding about bringing girls back, or something with relevance like that, then you might mention that you're gay. Otherwise I wouldn't bother.

L1011

drunkmonkey wrote: »

If you were going to rent a room off me I'd like you to let me know your gay....i probably wouldn't rent you the room to be honest, that's not me be homophobic I would just prefer to live with straight guys for social reasons....saying that you could be a good laugh to have around....all depends on personality.....

Thats being very conclusionary... I'm gay, virtually all my friends are straight, I prefer to go to my local than any of the gay bars/clubs, go to football far more often than most 'straight lad' football fans would, into cars, into music that wouldn't be seen as gay at all. The idea that because someone is gay that they're going to be impossible/difficult to / incompatible socially is very 1980s. They're not all going to bore you to death with treatises on hair products, fill the bathroom with facial cleansers and sit there drinking vodka and cranberry when you're trying to watch a game!

Boston

anotherlostie wrote: »

I suppose there are lots of things that other people might have an issue with.

Let's imagine you are straight and you are dating a Muslim girl. Do you tell them this at interview stage in case they are Islamophobic? The list could go on.

Thats a fair point. I guess my real problem is that I'm coming from a situation where I have kept it quiet (living at home) so I'd rather get it out there and remove the temptation to hide it. The agonising over whether or not to tell someone is head wrecking and I'd like to avoid it.

tin_can_ted wrote: »

Where a tight T shirt and say that everything is fabulous when going to view the place.

That'll let them for you

cringe, in all seriousness I'm probably one of the straightest appearing guys you could meet. So I don't think expecting others to pick up on it visually will work.

drunkmonkey wrote: »

If you were going to rent a room off me I'd like you to let me know your gay....i probably wouldn't rent you the room to be honest, that's not me be homophobic I would just prefer to live with straight guys for social reasons....saying that you could be a good laugh to have around....all depends on personality.....

What exactly do you mean by social reasons?

azezil wrote: »

I suppose it really depends what you're looking for when you go to rent a place, when I go to rent a place I just see it as renting the room, I'm not looking to befriend the person I live with or even give a crap who they are, sure I'll stop for a chat if they wish to initiate it but generally I'm out and about a lot, so whenever I'm home I just stay in my room browsing the net or playing computer games.

I suppose because of this I don't feel the need to tell them I'm gay.

Thats a fair point. I've no idea what I want out of a flat mate bar no hassle.

Goodshape

MYOB wrote: »

Thats being very conclusionary...

But when you've got a long list of potential flat mates and one of them might be the type to bore you to death with treatises on hair products.. I can, unfortunately, empathise with drunkmonkey's train of thought.

I'd agree with swizz and azezil here anyway. Mention it if it's relevant to the questions or conversation... but otherwise I'd reckon you're going to know the types of people you want to share a flat with, and the type of people who are likely to have an actual problem when it "comes up in conversation" after you've got the room, without needing to declare anything at the door.


I went through this last year looking for a place. In the end I actually got myself a studio apartment (having your own place FTW ) but when looking at a flatshare it largely depended on my mood at the time and/or my impressions of the people whether or not I mentioned anything.

drunkmonkey

Boston wrote: »

What exactly do you mean by social reasons?

I mean I prefer to go out with guys who like girls if I can...

Boston if your new flatmates ever bring up your sexuality just tell them your a monkey and you like to swing......;)

Monkey would never stick himself in a gay/bi/straight box:D

Boston

I'm very confused by that, whats going out with someone got to do with finding a flat mate.

So the general consensus is that its probably not something you have to mention right off the bat.

I don't see how you have to announce it. If they ask, tell them, otherwise there shouldn't be a need. Speaking from the straight perspective, I would have no problem if a housemate was gay as long as they weren't going at it in front of me. I wouldn't be like that with my girlfriend, as nobody really wants to see that, so I would expect the same.

drunkmonkey

Boston wrote: »

I'm very confused by that, whats going out with someone got to do with finding a flat mate.

I mean for beers when yere all sitting around doing sweet fa, you've got to be friends in the house with similar enough intrests and most guys like girls it's taken for granted.....think op is right 2 completley different trains of thought going on here....
i'm used to living with straight blokes and prefer it that way, we often had lads move in or out, if we tought somone was gay he wouldn't make the short list...if we though he was straight and then he started bringin blokes home the whole thing changes, i've been in this positon and peoples feelings get hurt....would you not prefer to be in a gay friendly house? It would be a lot easier pull...

How would you know it's a gay-friendly house though, without either knowing them personally or asking them

Goodshape

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I mean for beers when yere all sitting around doing sweet fa, you've got to be friends in the house with similar enough intrests and most guys like girls it's taken for granted.....think op is right 2 completley different trains of thought going on here....
i'm used to living with straight blokes and prefer it that way, we often had lads move in or out, if we tought somone was gay he wouldn't make the short list...if we though he was straight and then he started bringin blokes home the whole thing changes, i've been in this positon and peoples feelings get hurt....would you not prefer to be in a gay friendly house? It would be a lot easier pull...

While I do empathise, as I said, I certainly don't think your correct. I just think your thought process is an unfortunate reality in many people.

Thinking you won't get on with somebody simply because they're gay is extremely narrow-minded, imo. You really have to take individuals for who they are... not based on your misguided preconceptions.

the_syco

Boston wrote: »

So I'm in the process of looking for a flat share

Dude, unless you're looking for an apartment and a f**k buddy, I don't see why you should tell them.

Oh, and they may think you're coming onto them if you tell them:eek:

[sarc] "Yes, I want to move in. BTW, I'm gay, so I'll be banging guys like the duracell rabbit on speed, 24/7"[/sarc]

My point: there are some things people don't want to know.

drunkmonkey

Goodshape wrote: »

While I do empathise, as I said, I certainly don't agree with you or think your correct. I just think your thought process is an unfortunate reality in many people.

Thinking you won't get on with somebody simply because they're gay is extremely narrow-minded

I never said anything about not getting on with gay guys, there's a good few gay guys I get one well with....your opinion is an unfortunate reality with some gay thinking.....empathise all you want...

I just don't want any gay luvin in the house, it's just personal prefrence....your more than welcome to bang your brains out in the garden....

saw this on gumtree seems these 2 gay guys are narrow minded when it comes to couples......http://www.gumtree.ie/dublin/62/26811262.html What have single gay guys got against couples? Probably the exact same thing as single straight guys...:D

Boston what kind of people do you want to live with, lesbians, girls, gays, straight guys, couples, sports nuts, ravers, smokers, drinkers, night owls, early risers, any personal prefrences yourself? It's not all about them accepting you!

meglome

Firstly if you're getting a stranger in then go for a girl, less potential hassle all round. Less likely to be weird about you being gay. It is a bit strange to be saying "Hello I'm Boston and I'm gay" to someone you've just met while they're viewing your apartment. Personally as long as my ex (gay) flatmate wasn't having sex in my bed i didn't care and I'd like to think most other people wouldn't either.

Boston

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't see how you have to announce it. If they ask, tell them, otherwise there shouldn't be a need. Speaking from the straight perspective, I would have no problem if a housemate was gay as long as they weren't going at it in front of me. I wouldn't be like that with my girlfriend, as nobody really wants to see that, so I would expect the same.

Theres probably lots of things you wouldn't do with your partner which someone else would have no problem doing with theirs.

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I mean for beers when yere all sitting around doing sweet fa, you've got to be friends in the house with similar enough intrests and most guys like girls it's taken for granted.....think op is right 2 completley different trains of thought going on here....
i'm used to living with straight blokes and prefer it that way, we often had lads move in or out, if we tought somone was gay he wouldn't make the short list...if we though he was straight and then he started bringin blokes home the whole thing changes, i've been in this positon and peoples feelings get hurt....would you not prefer to be in a gay friendly house? It would be a lot easier pull...

While its your place and you can absolutely use whatever criteria you want, thats pretty narrow and smacks of never actually getting to know any gay people. You and the people you live with are exactly why I was telling people right off the bat. The first sign you'd have I wasn't straight was when you saw me scoring a guy.

Boston what kind of people do you want to live with, lesbians, girls, gays, straight guys, couples, sports nuts, ravers, smokers, drinkers, night owls, early risers, any personal prefrences yourself? It's not all about them accepting you!

Yes, but this thread is.

ellenmelon

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I never said anything about not getting on with gay guys, there's a good few gay guys I get one well with....your opinion is an unfortunate reality with some gay thinking.....empathise all you want...

I just don't want any gay luvin in the house, it's just personal prefrence....your more than welcome to bang your brains out in the garden....

saw this on gumtree seems these 2 gay guys are narrow minded when it comes to couples......http://www.gumtree.ie/dublin/62/26811262.html What have single gay guys got against couples? Probably the exact same thing as single straight guys...:D

Boston what kind of people do you want to live with, lesbians, girls, gays, straight guys, couples, sports nuts, ravers, smokers, drinkers, night owls, early risers, any personal prefrences yourself? It's not all about them accepting you!

You're doing a terrible job at hiding your blatant homophobia in this thread.

ellenmelon

Boston- Depending on the circumstances (ie whether you're interviewing potential flatmates or being interviewed yourself), I think you should try tell them somehow. It's obviously important to you that you be honest from the get go and even though you shouldn't have to say it there are those who would be put off by your sexuality unfortunately. It's up to you though..so thats just my .02c

anotherlostie

ellenmelon wrote: »

You're doing a terrible job at hiding your blatant homophobia in this thread.

I agree 100%! I always wonder how homophobes end up posting on gay forums. If your attitude towards gay people is that neanderthal, why would you read this stuff?

shewasoctober

I am currently in the same situation. For me, it is something I will be very forward with, but I have a girlfriend and wish to have flatmate/s who are comfortable with me having her spend the night. Also, I want flatmate/s who I can be friends with, not just people I live with.

So, I have been searching daft. When you search for an apartment share, you can type 'gay' in the property description box and it will give you all the apartment shares where your prospective flatmate/s are gay or gay-friendly. You can also place a team-up ad on there and state that you want to live with someone who is gay or gay-friendly. Other than that, I was going to be upfront from a distance, meaning stating it in my email or on the phone. Lucky for me, my situation has changed a bit, and I have found someone through the team-up database who is gay and wants to share.

Good luck!

ixoy

I was quite fortunate in some ways - my flatmate suggested that my bf move in which saved me having to bring it up.

Boston

shewasoctober wrote: »

I am currently in the same situation. For me, it is something I will be very forward with, but I have a girlfriend and wish to have flatmate/s who are comfortable with me having her spend the night. Also, I want flatmate/s who I can be friends with, not just people I live with.

So, I have been searching daft. When you search for an apartment share, you can type 'gay' in the property description box and it will give you all the apartment shares where your prospective flatmate/s are gay or gay-friendly. You can also place a team-up ad on there and state that you want to live with someone who is gay or gay-friendly. Other than that, I was going to be upfront from a distance, meaning stating it in my email or on the phone. Lucky for me, my situation has changed a bit, and I have found someone through the team-up database who is gay and wants to share.

Good luck!

Thats some seriously good advice, thank you, I'll give it a try.

S.I.R

Boston wrote: »

So I'm in the process of looking for a flat share, and the thorny question of how / when to tell the prospective flat mate/s that I'm not straight is very present in my mind. So far my approach has been to say it at the viewing, if and only if I was really interested in the room. The logic being that if its going to be a problem, best not to waste each others time .

That said its been a bit of a pain in the ass telling random strangers and It may be seen as way too forward and putting off people who otherwise wouldn't have a problem. I'm tempted to start putting it in my initial response to adds that that way it won't be a worry, but I'm dubious about doing that.

Any advice or view points would be welcome.

just say the following

"im not straight, don't like it ? don't bunk with me... if you don't mind it, Welcome to your new home. "

imho: sexual prefferance doesn't effect me.

Boston

I'm looking for a flat, not the other way around.

Boston

Boston wrote: »

Theres probably lots of things you wouldn't do with your partner which someone else would have no problem doing with theirs.

That's all well and good, but doesn't mean they can do it at the kitchen table.

Weidii

Boston, to be honest, if it's the only way that you can be sure that you're getting a "gay friendly" house I'd just tell 'em straight up.

I moved into my most recent house without thinking (it was a convenience thing) and ended up living with a bunch of racist, homophobic a**holes.

From now on I'm definately gunna make sure that my housemates aren't homophobic, because I'd hate to feel like I couldn't have my gay friends over to my own house without hassle.

shewasoctober

Boston wrote: »

Thats some seriously good advice, thank you, I'll give it a try.

Always glad to help. Good luck! Cheers!

The_Minister

anotherlostie wrote: »

I agree 100%! I always wonder how homophobes end up posting on gay forums. If your attitude towards gay people is that neanderthal, why would you read this stuff?

I'm straight, but I stick my nose in every now and again.

It's sometimes vaugely interesting, and I learn things about Ireland that I otherwise wouldn't know. Also, its interesting to compare the "normal" gay people here with the "activists" in college.

I read the Ladies Lounge even though I'm not a woman, I glance in to the emergency services every now and again even though I am not a Garda.

It's just a slight interest.

Boston

Its interesting that you read "homophobe" as being the same as "straight".

The_Minister

Boston wrote: »

Its interesting that you read "homophobe" as being the same as "straight".

No I didn't. I was giving a reason that someone not directly affected by the content of the forum might still read and comment on the threads here.

Boston

That wasn't his comment. He never made a statement anything like that.

LegacyUser

hey, im sorta in the same situation as regards to accomodation. Ive been livin with 5 mates for the last 2 years in the same house at college. im not a very gay acting guy though, i watch football, drink beer, go to pubs with my mates and never once call anything fabulous or devine :P which kinda makes me feel sometimes like im being dis-honest to my mates i live with, but then i think that, hey, if they did have a problem with it then they'd be a b@stard anyway. i guess its kinda complicated because only one of my friends knows im gay. i told him after livin with him for a month when we were on a long car trip and it was the most insanely awkward and uncomfortable hour and weeks afterward even though he was 100% completly cool about it (he's since quit college). now im back to the same place with my 4 mates plus 1 more in september, should i feel obligated to tell em or not? its funny, 1 of em acts gay even though hes straight (a lot of my mates at home do it too) and he kinda plays with another mate in the house who in turn cringed and goes "oh no get away!", which could be complicaed even though im pretty sure hes not homophoic, just he doesnt like guys touching him.

Boston

The problem with not telling friends is that when they do find out, they can sometimes resent you for not trusting them enough to tell them up front.

LegacyUser

yeah but thats what annoys me, im good friends with the guys i live with and if i told them about me i could for-see 3 possibilities

1. They'd be angry i didnt trust them enough.
2. They'd be angry for being a decietful "fag" and i should burn in hell.
3. They'd be cool with it.
4. It would get kinda awkward in the house and every time i bumped into em in the kitchen or what ever they would think oh thats right hes gay, what should i do...

Boston

See the trust thing is a weird one. Personally it wasn't ever about trust, I just had the attitude of "fuk it they didn't have to come out as straight to me, so why should I have to come out to them", but thats kinda naive, friends do have feelings. By telling them yourself instead of them finding out, you no longer run the risk of hurting those feelings.

If you're seriously worried about them being angry, well its probably a good idea to find this out about friends sooner rather then later, but thats my opinion.

They accept it, great, don't under estimate how much of a benefit this can be. It can be surprising how many of your fears are only in your head and having a friend say "I care, but not in a bad way, about it" is really a great feeling.

As for awkwardness. Nearly all my friends are straight, and I've shared a bed with most of them at one time or another after coming out. Hell, even showered naked together in the gym never a problem. Awkwardness is definitely something you can control. If you're stand offish with your friends they'll start to think theres a reason, that you're attracted to him or something. If on the other hand you make it out to be no big deal, they won't either.

I had a list like your myself when I first started coming out. The one thing that wasn't on the list which was absolutely trust is this; When you start telling people, it all becomes very very real. When only one or two people know, you still have this sense of being in control, but the more people you tell the less control you have over it, and then that its.

Another fear was that my friends would start seeing me as my sexuality rather then who I actually was, and believe me there are loads of people that suddenly want to be your "friend" when they find out your not straight.

tin_can_ted

Boston wrote: »

....loads of people that suddenly want to be your "friend" when they find out your not straight.

How do you mean?

Boston wrote:

As for awkwardness. Nearly all my friends are straight, and I've shared a bed with most of them at one time or another after coming out. Hell, even showered naked together in the gym never a problem. Awkwardness is definitely something you can control. If you're stand offish with your friends they'll start to think theres a reason, that you're attracted to him or something. If on the other hand you make it out to be no big deal, they won't either.

I have to agree here. Luckily there has been no awkwardness with anyone I've told so far. 2 just gave me a hug straight away when I told them and like, there is no weird vibes or anything between anyone.


Yeah, I'm moving in with 4 of my friends next year. 3 of them are completely cool with my sexuality and the other one doesn't know. I'm a bit scared to tell him and I've actually discussed it with the other guys that maybe they could drop some hints here or there or maybe just tell him outright. I'm too scared to, to be honest, as I don't know him all that well and I don't know how he'll take it.

If he does take it bad, I still have my 3 other friends still in the house so it's not all bad.

Boston

tin_can_ted wrote: »

How do you mean?

1) Being "Alternative" at a certain age is extremely trendy. Some people will latch onto it because they think it marks them as more "Enlightened" or "Freer" or "superior" to have friends who are Gay/ Bi/ Trans/ Black/ Foreign/Not the norm ect. They're collectors, I've encounters them in the past and not just in relation to sexuality.

2) And before I start this is not a dig at women; I've found theres usually a certain distance between a man and a woman when she thinks of him as straight which just evaporates as soon as he comes out. Like suddenly a switch goes on saying "Its ok for me to be friends with you now, we can go bra shopping together like on the TV". I remember one girl was down right hostile to a friend of mine and then suddenly became all rosie when he came out. He recognised it for what it was.

So yes, some people will suddenly want to be your friend just because of your sexuality. I've personally no interest in being "The Bisexual friend" or anything like it.

I have to agree here. Luckily there has been no awkwardness with anyone I've told so far. 2 just gave me a hug straight away when I told them and like, there is no weird vibes or anything between anyone.


Yeah, I'm moving in with 4 of my friends next year. 3 of them are completely cool with my sexuality and the other one doesn't know. I'm a bit scared to tell him and I've actually discussed it with the other guys that maybe they could drop some hints here or there or maybe just tell him outright. I'm too scared to, to be honest, as I don't know him all that well and I don't know how he'll take it.

If he does take it bad, I still have my 3 other friends still in the house so it's not all bad.

Not that I can talk about coming out to friends ( did it twice and then let the boyfriend at the time handle the rest ) but if you're worried about telling someone, its probably a good sign you should tell them, at least to remove the worry.

tin_can_ted

Boston wrote: »

1) Being "Alternative" at a certain age is extremely trendy. Some people will latch onto it because they think it marks them as more "Enlightened" or "Freer" or "superior" to have friends who are Gay/ Bi/ Trans/ Black/ Foreign/Not the norm ect. They're collectors, I've encounters them in the past and not just in relation to sexuality.

2) And before I start this is not a dig at women; I've found theres usually a certain distance between a man and a woman when she thinks of him as straight which just evaporates as soon as he comes out. Like suddenly a switch goes on saying "Its ok for me to be friends with you now, we can go bra shopping together like on the TV". I remember one girl was down right hostile to a friend of mine and then suddenly became all rosie when he came out. He recognised it for what it was.

So yes, some people will suddenly want to be your friend just because of your sexuality.

Really?! I haven't experienced that yet and I never really realised that it existed. I'll keep my eyes wide open for that in the future.

Bubs101

I think you should just get it out in the open as soon as possible. The people in this thread who have been saying "why should you have to tell him" have over looked the fact that virtually all of us straight men are disgusted by the thought of two guys going at it. It's not homophobic, it's a "not in my backyard" attitude. it's fine as long as I don't have to see it or try and go to sleep while hearing satisfied grunts from the room across the hall

anotherlostie

Bubs101 wrote: »

I think you should just get it out in the open as soon as possible. The people in this thread who have been saying "why should you have to tell him" have over looked the fact that virtually all of us straight men are disgusted by the thought of two guys going at it. It's not homophobic, it's a "not in my backyard" attitude. it's fine as long as I don't have to see it or try and go to sleep while hearing satisfied grunts from the room across the hall

If that's your attitude (and you're entitled to have it), what on earth possesses you to read threads on the Lesbian & Gay & Bisexual Forum? I have no interest in Gambling, one of the fora you moderate, and would never dream of reading posts in there. So why come here? I'm really confused!

azezil

anotherlostie wrote: »

If that's your attitude (and you're entitled to have it), what on earth possesses you to read threads on the Lesbian & Gay & Bisexual Forum? I have no interest in Gambling, one of the fora you moderate, and would never dream of reading posts in there. So why come here? I'm really confused!

As you said yourself, he's entitled to his opinion and his point of view is just as valid as anyone elses, he's offering the perspective of someone who would prefer to know, thus is a valid response.

Boston

Actually he's presenting opinion "virtually all of us straight men..." as 'fact', so its perfectly fine to call him on that. He's entitled to feel whatever wants. No one should be forced to be more accepting then they want to be.

I don't even mind him posting here as its a reminder (as if it was needed) that these people haven't gone away and I'm not being overly paranoid by having concerns.