The Love of my life is getting married next week...

LegacyUser

But not to me…

I’m sitting at the Computer faced with the biggest decision of my 32 years on this earth and i need some help..

Let me give you a bit of background on Kelly, the girl of my dreams...
Kelly and i are the same age, we grew up on the same street and have known each other since we were about 5.
We were best friends from an early age and did everything together. Whether it was building treehouses, taunting the neighbours cat or getting up to mischief, she was always by my side… my accomplice in crime!
Pretty much all my firsts have been with her..
She was my first kiss aged 12, first drinking partner aged 15 (boy did we get in trouble that night) and first lover aged 19…
We dated all the way through Secondary School and became known as the ‘The gluey 2’ right up until Leaving Cert where we faced our first minor bump..
Facing the College decision was always going to be hard but eventually we took the easy way out and picked the same course! 4 years passed and living together was bliss. It was perfect.

Shortly after we graduated an opportunity arose for me which I couldn’t turn down. A dream job with a high profile Company based in Chicago. I took it and packed my belongings and moved over in November 99.

Having spent most of my life with Kelly it was extremely hard for both of us at the time. We agreed to stay together and stay in contact as often as we could. We would write letters and talk for hours on the phone about nonsense about my new adventures in the Windy City.
As time moved on the inevitable happened and after 18 months we broke up.
I guess I had got caught up in the more trivial aspects of life and didn’t give her as much time as I should have..

The dot com boom came along and in 2002 I started my own Company in Chicago which rocketed to success. 5 years flew by which (when I look at it now) consisted of nothing more than me being greedy and steamrolling my way to the top.I had forgotten the values I was brought up on and turned into a money hungry monster. I forgot my friends and most importantly I forgot about Kelly.
That was until Febuary of this year….
I had received an invite to an old College friends wedding back home and needing the break from work I decided to fly home for it.
It was on that cold February Morning standing at the porch of the Church that I saw an Angel walk towards me… It was Kelly. My heart almost stopped. It was over 5 years since I had saw her and I was dumbfounded. 17 years of memories rushed through me. She looked absolutely beautiful. Stunning and how I remember her… those eyes, her hair and her glowing smile that would make sun come out!
I could barely sit still in the church my heart was pounding so much. We met at the Reception after the wedding and talked, danced and sang for hours. It was Perfect.
I fell hopelessly back in love with her that night.

I flew back to Chicago a few days later and was on top of the world. She filled my every thought for weeks after, I couldn’t do anything without thinking about her.

It was mid April when I received a letter with familiar handwriting on the front of it. How I remember those letters from all those years ago… I opened it hurredly, and was excited to see what it said until I saw a familiar card. I couldn’t believe what I was reading…. An invite to her Wedding in August! My heart sank and I turned pale! How could this be? Is it a dream?
I remember her telling me she was going out with a guy at the wedding but I was too caught up in her presence to care about ‘some guy’…
All of May & June I was depressed, thinking of the good days, the happy days of our youth we spent together. I guess in the back of my mind I thought we’d end up together and spent our lives together but now all hope was lost.
At the start of this month I stopped work and let the VP take over. I couldn’t work as my mind was a mess. My sister flew in from Boston 2 weeks ago and I broke down and told her everything… She knew what was wrong before I opened my mouth. She said she’d never seen me as happy as I was at the wedding that day in February. As usual she was right. It was true, it was the best day of my life seeing her again.

So now here I am back home with 9 days left before the one bit of happiness escapes from me forever.
I have decided that I am going tell that I love her, that I have never loved anyone as much as her and that I want to spend every waking moment with her…
My life in America means nothing now, I would float the Company in the morning and give the profit to Charity if it meant I could be with her.
I have thought of this from every angle but it all leads to the same resolution. I must do this…
I know she feels the same way, I saw that smile and glint in her eye in February, I had spent most of my life with her and can read her like a book. I am confident she feels the same way.
Oh God I hope she does….

Help..

Wibbs

Call me a sap, call me a romantic fool, call me a plain oul gobshíte(You wouldn't be the first), but I think you should tell her.

Now there is the whole angle of you ruining her upcoming wedding/marriage. That's a valid point, but if her and him are a strong compatible couple then it won't ruin it. OK it may throw her a curveball as our US friends say, but that should be about it.

She may still have feelings for you too. You never know, though I would ask why didn't you say this to her before when you met her, boyfriend or not? That's the bit I don't get tbh.

melekalikimaka

i agree

possibly the worst situation i could dream of

eveie

your in a very tough situation
but surely if she really felt the same way why has she agreed to marry someone, maybe she is happy and by you saying this it could mess thing sup for her.
also the man who shes getting married to, what about him, it could destroy his life. i know you love her but are you sure she loves you.
i really believe that if she did she would have tried to sort things out with you, have you really thoight this true, its not just your life your affecting its 3 peoples lifes.
maybe you feel you have to say it because at least you'l know youve done everything you could do but dont expect her to turn round and fall into your arms
life moves on......people move on

eveie

my spelling is crap sorry, im in a bit of a rush and had to reply to this thread

Iago

If you love her that much then you should be happy she's found someone that she loves enough and is good enough to her to spend the rest of their lives together.

No good can come from telling her at this point.

Dizzyblonde

I agree too, you should tell her - but you have to be willing to leave it at that if she doesn't feel the same.
Good luck.

John Mason

Look, if she was the love of your life, you dont have dumped her for money.

She is happy now and you have nothing in your life except money - boo hoo

that was your decision.

leave her alone and let her get on with her life, you have absolutely no right 9 days before her wedding to try and split her and her partner up.


If you loved her some much why didnt you try to get in contact with her after the wedding?

tbh you sound like a spoilt child to me

Awayindahils

Wibbs wrote: »

Now there is the whole angle of you ruining her upcoming wedding/marriage. That's a valid point, but if her and him are a strong compatible couple then it won't ruin it. OK it may throw her a curveball as our US friends say, but that should be about it.

She may still have feelings for you too. You never know, though I would ask why didn't you say this to her before when you met her, boyfriend or not? That's the bit I don't get tbh.

OP you're posting this because you want to do this. You clearly want to tell her. And you're going to get plenty of go aheads, but you didn't see her for 5 years. It may have taken ehr a very long time to get over you and running back into her life may cause a whole lot of problems. She sounds like a great girl, and inviting you to her wedding was a gesture of friendship. She probably still cares about you, but possibly not in the way that you would like her too. Telling her could be a very selfish act. If you think she's truelly happy think of that before you go tell her.

dade

I feel for you i really do. I'd tell her how you feel but be prepared for her to flip out on ya. I'd also probably not turn up to the wedding, couldn't imaging anything more painful than watching her walk up the aisle.

Maggie Simpson

Maybe the guy she's marrying is the love of HER life?? You didn't see her for 5 years - she moved on with her life, you moved on with yours. Would you feel the same way if you were with someone else?

Wile E. Coyote

You have to tell her before it's too late. If she feels the same then thats great, if not then technically you've lost nothing. Life isn’t worth living unless you’re willing to take some big chances and go for broke.

LegacyUser

Tell her!!! U have to tell her or u will regret it forever. Even if she knocks u back then at least u will know.

Let us know what happens

Aurora Borealis

OP can I ask why did you not say anything to her about how you were feeling after meeting her at the wedding in Feb and getting the invite in April?

Beruthiel

I'm with Irishbird on this one.
If she had meant that much to you, then you wouldn't have left things like you did for years on end.

She's found someone else, she loves him enough to marry him, it would be very selfish on your part to ruin her day by planting this in her head 9 days before her wedding.

What do you expect to happen if you do? That she drop everyone and everything and run away with you?
Leave her be, she's happy and all you are basically doing is regreting what you no longer have. You managed fine up until you saw her. You'll manage in the future.

tobiesheba

The romantic in me would say tell her, she'll feel the same and ye'll both live happily ever after.

However life isn't a chick flick.

You don't know how Kelly feels about you, just because you were mesmerised when you saw her last February really means nothing. As you said for a huge portion of your life she was a constant and someone that you loved of course seeing her after a space of five years is going to bring up some old feelings.

She's getting married to some other guy and you have to assume she's in love with him and happy. You don't have the right to ruin her big day by making some declaration of love which may actually only be infatuation, lust, jealousy or happy memories resurfacing on your part.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but that's just the way it is.

_blank_

Fly over and tell her as soon as you can.

The quicker the better.

For all the naysayers on here know, she could just be settling for this other guy.

You said you saw that spark in her eye.

Do something about it.

chump

Hahm

You left her in Ireland, began a new life, made a relative success of yourself. You come home, and realise - wait, I've been a fool, I spent the last X years chasing money and 'success'.

If you were really into her your would have immediately renewed contact the second you returned to the US.
You would have badgered her until you found out if there was hope of getting back together.
You would have considered moving back to Ireland to pursue her.

There's about 100 things you WOULD have done. Instead you did none of them.

So maybe you do have feelings for her, but fkk that, you were never prepared to do anything about them, or make any sacrifices, so I am fairly sure she is much better off without you. I'm sure she'll tell you to take a walk if you were to make a move. She's moved on. You're reminiscing.

zAbbo

You missed your chance, anything else now is being incredibly selfish, and possibly hurtful.

But, maybe you can go about this tactfully, if there's something there - go for it, if not - wish her luck and move on.

DancingDaisy

If you care that much about her then my advice would be not to tell her, I would say that by all means try and become part of her life again. You were best friends once and I'm sure she will always value your friendship. If she realises that she feels more for you at alater date then that is her decision to make, but give her this chance at happiness. If it doesn't work out then be there for her as a friend, but give her the chance to live the life she forsee's for herself.

If you truly love her then let her go, you should think of her happiness as well as her own. She very likely became engaged after having met you at that wedding, and I doubt that would have happened if she felt she still had feelings for her.

Eh TELL HER !!!

GO FOR IT


SO WHAT IF IT DOESNT WORK OUT FOR YOU!
ONLY ONE CHANCE IN LIFE !!!!
YOU`LL REGRET IT OTHERWISE!!!!!!!!!

DancingDaisy

DancingDaisy wrote: »

If you truly love her then let her go, you should think of her happiness as well as her own. She very likely became engaged after having met you at that wedding, and I doubt that would have happened if she felt she still had feelings for her.

nah weddings take alot of preperation most likely she thought yer man was never coming back!
Go for it I say!! blah blah if you love her let her go - nonsense! survival of the fittest! every man for himself! tell her consequences be damned!

Nevyn

You are not in love with her you are in love with the dream you once built featuring her as your spouse and now that she will be someone elses you are freaking out and panicing at the loss of that dream and what it meant to you.

If you had of wanted her has your spouse you would not have let her slip through your fingers, he who hesitates is lost.

Why would you take selfish steps to upset her in the run up to her wedding or worse still on the day it's self ?

IF she felt anyway the same about you she would be still in your life and would have perused a relationship with you, she didnt, you didn't and now you have regrets.

Deal with them.

You forgot about her for 5 years and even after you saw her in February did not peruse her afterwards. Mooning about what might have been and castles in the clouds when the train has left the station is not going to do you any good when if you really should have done something months if no years ago.

Action speak louder then words and you failed to act and now you are considering making grand over the top gestures ?

Think long and hard about the consequences of what you do next, you could be gambling away any hope for friendship or contact with her what so ever for the rest of your life.

DancingDaisy

DancingDaisy wrote: »

If you care that much about her then my advice would be not to tell her, I would say that by all means try and become part of her life again. You were best friends once and I'm sure she will always value your friendship. If she realises that she feels more for you at alater date then that is her decision to make, but give her this chance at happiness. If it doesn't work out then be there for her as a friend, but give her the chance to live the life she forsee's for herself.

I object on a few grounds....

tell her because if she has any doubts she should not be getting married in the first place.
secondly our poster does not want sloppy seconds
thirdly the be her friend and wriggle your way in between a married couple does not sound nice. If I was the other guy I would probably be a little uncomfortable with a life long and childhoon since 6yrs old best friend/boyfriend type tryin to be best friends again
husbands and wives have to be best friends


also the above post by Thaedydal must be seriously considered, you need to take a look at yourself before you do this!

LegacyUser

I am the girl in a similiar situation. Will try make this quick. I have had this friend for the last 20 years have done everything together as the op describes but met who I thought was the love of my life and decided to settle down.

Things werent great between us but I thought this was normal, when I met my friend one night for a drink. Hadnt seen him in a couple of months and he said to me "Im not chasing you anymore its now or never have always thought we should be togther forever".

That made my mind up and we are together now and I never realised things could be as good as this. He is a total gentleman and I am his Princess and am totally in love with him.

So if I were you I would tell her sooner rather than later. If possible go earlier than planned and arrange to meet. You never know what might happen.

Let us know how you get on. And the best of luck hope it all works out

paperclip2

+1 to Thaes post.

Maybe she is settling or maybe she completely loves her fiance. If you do tell her how you feel OP, be prepared for her to tell you to take a hike for good and call you all kinds of everything. If you can deal with that then fair enough. .

How sure are you about your feelings for Kelly though. Reading your post it struck me that it could be a bit of the dog in the manger syndrome, there almost seems to be incredulity that she could find someone else. Maybe a part of you had always felt that she would be there and available for you, yet lo and behold shes gone and got herself a life while you were doing your thing.

Figure out the worst case scenario and if you reckon you can deal with it then tell her. But don't mess her around.


Edit: wasn't this a film with Julia Roberts? How did that end?


Good luck.

Beruthiel

same boat wrote: »

I am the girl in a similiar situation.

You were getting married to someone else at the time?

DancingDaisy

I most certainly didn't mean coming between a married couple. I meant that if he needs her in his life than as a friend would really be the best option. And I disagree with the idea of a husband and wife being best friends. My mum will always make the point that her best friend is a person she has in fact know longer than her husband. She loves her husband compleletly and they are extremely happy but they also both have best firends other than each other.

If it doesn't work out then be there for her as a friend,

Friend being the opperitive word, if she wants to take it furthur at a later date then that is her decision to make. I never once encouraged the OP to take it furthur than friendship.

I never suggested sloppy seconds, and if you really love someone then you don't view them as that.

This post has been deleted.

Henry Ford III

Make an excuse and don't go to the wedding. You'll only torment yourself and potentially mess things up for others.

Wish her all the happiness in the world, and turn a new leaf in your own life.

If meeting you again had meant that much to her, she simply wouldn't be getting married.

Time for some tough reality for you I'm afraid.

Wibbs

irishbird wrote: »

Look, if she was the love of your life, you dont have dumped her for money.

Not always. Circumstances can get in the way.

leave her alone and let her get on with her life, you have absolutely no right 9 days before her wedding to try and split her and her partner up.

Well he can do what he likes. If her relationship with her husband to be is strong then beyond some awkwardness there's no harm done.

If you loved her some much why didnt you try to get in contact with her after the wedding?

I agree with you there. That's the bit I don't get.

I will say I've seen quite a few people settle and get married. I would say at least half of those married couples I know are in that boat and on topic here on more than one occasion have actually expressed regret at not being with one of their past loves, usually first loves. Both men and women. I can think of one woman I know that if one of her exes from years previously had shown up the night before her wedding she would have eloped on the spot.