Question for the ladies!

LegacyUser

Ok here goes. I started dating a girl last week. I seemed to get into a habit of paying for everything on first date. This seems to have rolled on through date 2 and 3. She sits back and waits for me to pay for everything. i am far from tight and i am happy to do this for a while but not forever.

She told me of all the things her last fella bought her and it makes be cringe. Now she is on about doing up her house and she even took me window shopping on second date. I sort of invited her to a wedding in a few weeks. She questioned me about costs (which is very fair).

I do have a decent job which might end next month and i am been careful. Should i be worried about this. Is she interested in a provider and somone to spoil her? I really do like her but i know i must break this habit myself but how do i do it?

marti101

Its not about you being mean its about how she has to pull her weight.She brought you shopping for a house shes doing up on a 2nd date,that smells fishy to me.You are not talking long term partner whos a bit stuckyou barely know her.Say its 50-50 from now on blame womens lib they wanted to be equal so be equel.Do you want her to go to the wedding or do you think you were to quick to invite her.Her last bf probably spoiled her to much if it was me id pay my way or at least buy a couple of drinks.

Aurora Borealis

I'm sorry but I could never let a guy pay for everything. I'd feel like a total golddigger. Yuck!!
I've no problem accepting treats every now and then but I would buy them things too. It's not the 1950's afterall.

seahorse

Ahwomen wrote: »

Ok here goes. I started dating a girl last week. I seemed to get into a habit of paying for everything on first date. This seems to have rolled on through date 2 and 3. She sits back and waits for me to pay for everything. i am far from tight and i am happy to do this for a while but not forever...

She told me of all the things her last fella bought her and it makes be cringe.

The problem here is that you need to start as you mean to go on; though why you'd want to go on with someone who's obviously got one eye on your wallet is beyond me, to be honest.

If I were you I'd be feeling used already. There is no reason for her to be telling you what her last bloke bought her unless she's intending to give you the impression you're expected to follow suit. Personally I'd tell her to fcuk-off and find herself a rich oul lad if that's the way she's going to carry on.

Wibbs

seahorse wrote: »

There is no reason for her to be telling you what her last bloke bought her unless she's intending to give you the impression you're expected to follow suit. Personally I'd tell her to fcuk-off and find herself a rich oul lad if that's the way she's going to carry on.

Exactly.

TheDriver

Shes milking you man, keep an eye on things. No girl I have ever gone out with has expected more that say first dates and treats to be laid on for her

Solarball10

Ah c'mon, this is a no-brainer. Tell her to feck off in no uncertain terms. She can't expect you to shell out for everything herself - has she never offered to go halves with you on ANYTHING? She's nothing but a gold-digging tramp. Find someone who wants YOU, not your dosh!

chuckles30

I've always at least offered to pay half when I've been on dates, but some guys like to treat a girl and who am I to refuse And if the guy insisted on paying for dinner, then I'd buy drinks after, or say that I'll get the bill the next night. I wouldn't be comfortable with the guy paying for everything all the time. But she sounds like she's expecting you to pay for everything and that's not on.

Beruthiel

Ahwomen wrote: »

Ok here goes. I started dating a girl last week. I seemed to get into a habit of paying for everything on first date. This seems to have rolled on through date 2 and 3.

Where is her self respect?
I would never let a bloke pay for me, I can pay my own way. Does she not have a job?
What makes a woman in this day and age expect someone else to carry her?

She sits back and waits for me to pay for everything.

Why did you not just ask her for half?

She told me of all the things her last fella bought her and it makes be cringe.

Why would she think you would even be remotely interested on what her last fella bought her? Considering he's her ex, perhaps he got fed up of it.

Is she interested in a provider and somone to spoil her?

Aw, isn't she just precious.
Perhaps she should invent a time machine and go back a few hundred years then. She's got Princess syndrome, good luck to her finding some fella silly enough to put with that crap.

I really do like her but i know i must break this habit myself but how do i do it?

Start asking her to pay her way.

Trinity

Run.

She sounds like a spoilt little biatch, someone has given her bad habits in the past and unless you wanna kiss goodbye to your hard earned cash i think you should get out now while its only been a few dates.

Unfortunately there are still a few suckers left in the world but by the sounds of her its a sugar daddy she wants not a "partner" with all things being equal.

I think these leeches are nothing more than Glorified hookers.

I always pay my way, not cos i have to, cos i have a bit of pride and independance.

Dixie24

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

I'm sorry but I could never let a guy pay for everything. I'd feel like a total golddigger. Yuck!!
I've no problem accepting treats every now and then but I would buy them things too. It's not the 1950's afterall.

Couldn't have said it better myself!!

coco06

Why dont you go out one night and accidently forget your wallet. See what sort of reaction she has to having to pay for everything.. If she is glad to do so, she may not be as bad as you think but if she sulks/throws a strop then you know what type of person she is!!

My bet is she is type 2!

Madame Razz

+1

OP, you gotta be straight with her on this from the off...fair is fair.

Especially if your job is under threat but even so, if she feels you should provide for everything i think you would be well rid, its the noughties after all, this girl needs to get with the programme!!!

jellie

A girl with any selfrespect wouldnt let a man she barely knows pay for everything. ive had first dates where the man has tried to pay for everything, & if i let him pay for dinner then ill certainly buy him a few drinks to make up for it.

im all for being spoilt on occasion, but its got to be both ways. if a bf wants to spoil me sometimes then great, but id definitely be making an effort to do something special for him too.

RedXIV

Lets face it, if he likes the girl alot, i'd bet my next month's wages he's not going to say "It's 50-50 tonight now love, right?"

We don't know enough here, we don't know if the girl is irish or not, if she's not, maybe she's from a culture thats used to this kind of treatment. maybe not. Maybe she's horribly broke, maybe not.

I'm with coco06. leave your wallet at home (keep a bit of cash on ya, just in case) and when it comes to paying for something, look dismayed and tell her. If she doesn't pay for it (be fair, you've paid for everything else) then you know shes not going to snap out of it. If she pays straight away, well then it could be a simple misunderstanding between ye.

goodlad

I dont suppose the girls name is claire is it? lol

Just from what your saying it sounds exactly like my mates sister!
She had mentioned a date she was on recently and it sounds like yours! hehe.

Kinda freaky if it is her.

Either way. Dont get into a habbit of paying for things.
Maybe next time your out only bring enough money with you for yourself.
You could try drop into the conversation something about only havent X ammount on you tonight and no bank card r something of the link and see if she gives any reaction to it.

MIN2511

My 2c....

I am from a culture that says the man is the boss, he pays for everything and blah blah. If a guy suggests a dates and we go on one(first date) i expect him to pay, if a second date is on the card then i would pay(/attempt to, i hope to God he would argue:))


e.g second date she should have offered, i don't think you are angry cause you paid i reckon if she offered you would have insisted on paying

Susannahmia

Ugh, she sounds like a right leech and yes you should be worried. Personally I could never do that. I'm seeing a new guy at the moment myself and make a point of paying for things on an equal basis despite the fact that the lad would be more than willing to pay for me all the time like he did with his last girlfriend. It just sounds like this girl is out for all that she can get.

missmatty

I had a situation like this recently with a friend who's known for being tight. Twice at the cinema I had got or prebooked the tickets and paid and he didn't give me the money, or 'forgot'. So next time when we met for dinner he took out a fifty to pay for his half of dinner I was like 'oh great, so you can pay for my main course too then we're evens for the cinema tickets'. He wasn't impressed but said nothing. He's a nice guy but some people are just like that.

If she's letting you pay for everything this early on and dropping hints about what the ex bought her, you need to nip it in the bud pretty quick now or else she'll be taking you for a ride. I always insist on paying half, maybe a first date is an exception but after that there's no way I'd allow a man to pay for me.

MIN2511

tbh i think ye are being too harsh on the girl....


OP, i reckon she's into you. If she suggests a date/drinks tell her you are a bit down on cash... see what she says...

chopperbyrne

For me it's not even about being 50-50.

I could go to dinner with someone and pay for it and would then be quite happy if she offered to pay for two cinema tickets and some snacks.

The cost wouldn't be equal, but that's not what's important.

Wibbs

MIN2511 wrote: »

My 2c....

I am from a culture that says the man is the boss, he pays for everything and blah blah.

Cool but in fairness that's not the culture here, or at least it says it's not.

If a guy suggests a dates and we go on one(first date) i expect him to pay,

I'd be ok with that tbh.

if a second date is on the card then i would pay(/attempt to, i hope to God he would argue:))


e.g second date she should have offered,

You see that's where I would have a problem. Why offer if there's no intention of paying? That's not an offer, it's a tactic. After the first date or so where the one who does the asking pays, man or woman(and that would be up to the people involved), then a shared interest in the paying should be in play. Otherwise it would look to me like I'm buying her attention. If that's what she wants to put across, then no thanks. It makes it look like a financial transaction. He'll pay for her company. As for any pretense at feminism?

i don't think you are angry cause you paid i reckon if she offered you would have insisted on paying

No I suspect he's angry as she appears to see him as a wallet.

tbh i think ye are being too harsh on the girl....


OP, i reckon she's into you. If she suggests a date/drinks tell her you are a bit down on cash... see what she says...

That's a plan. I don't think the issue with the OP is if she's into him or not tbh. I think the issue is that she sees him as a wallet that pays for her fun and he gets something in return as part of that transaction. Her comments about her ex buying things for her is another example. Freeloader tbh. I'd walk. If I'm looking for a partner I would want an equal one, otherwise I'd be just as well off buying one of the web as at least that would be honest.

This does not include situations where people are short of cash due to jobloss, financial difficulties, then it's cool to support them.

seahorse

Trinity1 wrote: »

Run.

Totally agree.

Trinity1 wrote: »

I think these leeches are nothing more than Glorified hookers.

I don’t see why gold-diggers should be regarded 'glorified' as compared to hookers. Prostitutes are honest in their dealings which is more than can be said for financial leeches posing as partners.

Personally I wouldn’t give a toss what country or culture a person was from; scabbing is scabbing in any language as far as I'm concerned. I was once talking to a Romanian woman (the new wife of a wealthy male friend of mine) and during our conversation I confided that money was a bit tight as I was just starting out in freelance journalism at that time, and get this! - she advised me I ought to: "find yourself a wealthy husband as I have done"!!!

This was a long-time friend of mine she was talking about, and she was fully well aware of that but still had no shame saying that straight to my face! Un-fcukin-believable!!! :eek:

John Mason

And you are still with this gold digger why?

the next time you go out, you tell her she is paying, that you forgot your wallet and she how fast she runs

Trinity

seahorse wrote: »

I don’t see why gold-diggers should be regarded 'glorified' as compared to hookers. Prostitutes are honest in their dealings which is more than can be said for financial leeches posing as partners.

Apologies to hookers i meant no offence

Thats just it, they think they are better, when they both peddle the same merchandise. A huge portion of 'hookers', are doing it to pay the bills, feed their children or to be realistic the more hardened ones to feed their habit. I heard of professionals doing it on the side to pay for college, mortgages etc.

By glorified i mean they get treated like pampered little pets, brought out and paid for, clothed, fed - they are kept women. Not cos they have to, but because they are greedy fcuks who dont want to put their hand in their pocket and assume because they have vaginas that they have earned that right.

I imagine when someone is deciding to take the huge risk both mentally and physically to become a prostitute its most likely for a damn good reason. I dont think its high on the i love this job list.

MIN2511

Wibbs wrote: »

Cool but in fairness that's not the culture here, or at least it says it's not. I'd be ok with that tbh. You see that's where I would have a problem. Why offer if there's no intention of paying? That's not an offer, it's a tactic. After the first date or so where the one who does the asking pays, man or woman(and that would be up to the people involved), then a shared interest in the paying should be in play. Otherwise it would look to me like I'm buying her attention. If that's what she wants to put across, then no thanks. It makes it look like a financial transaction. He'll pay for her company. As for any pretense at feminism? No I suspect he's angry as she appears to see him as a wallet.

Okay, i should refrase that... I would insist on paying but would like him to argue about it or offer to pay...

That's a plan. I don't think the issue with the OP is if she's into him or not tbh. I think the issue is that she sees him as a wallet that pays for her fun and he gets something in return as part of that transaction. Her comments about her ex buying things for her is another example. Freeloader tbh. I'd walk. If I'm looking for a partner I would want an equal one, otherwise I'd be just as well off buying one of the web as at least that would be honest.

He should try it, sometimes women are a bit jaded :P about what they want, maybe he's too keen and never hesistates to bring out the wallet. Which isn't a reason.

This does not include situations where people are short of cash due to jobloss, financial difficulties, then it's cool to support them.

True!
I dunno, it's hard to gauge if she can/can't afford it or is using him as a money cow...

Jack Sheehan

Give her a chance I suppose. Ask her to pay half or calmly tell her that you cant keep paying for everything. If she freaks out drop her so fast it'll make her head spin.

TheDriver

Be prepared for a shocked response when you sugggest paying for half as there are some women out there who expect to pay for nothing, not a lot but some none the less and will probably call you tight/mean/miser etc. Naturally its not true but prepare yourself for her calling you that and naturally she'll say you have no idea how to treat a lady/gold digger etc. It will never get better if you don't suggest it now, either out or in.
Can't believe this happens in this day and age, I usually have the trouble of insisting on paying for a first date with women hating anything being paid for!

MJOR

I think its important to just say it to her. She might think you are being chivalrous and not wanting to rock the boat. She does sound a bit like a i'll take what i can one though.


Sit her down and tell her you expect her to pay her way. She is trating you a litle like a meal ticket.

Ye don't have to get out the calculator but if for example you go to the cinema you get the tickets but she gets the food.

McGinty

Alarm bells went of for me when she started telling you about what her ex-boyfriend used to buy her, I am afraid she sounds like a gold digger, I used to have a female friend who bragged about all the jewellery, meals out, etc that guys bought her, she also sounds very materialistic and money orientated, is that the type of woman you would like to date or have a long term relationship?

How Strange

McGinty wrote: »

Alarm bells went of for me when she started telling you about what her ex-boyfriend used to buy her, I am afraid she sounds like a gold digger, I used to have a female friend who bragged about all the jewellery, meals out, etc that guys bought her, she also sounds very materialistic and money orientated, is that the type of woman you would like to date or have a long term relationship?

Have to agree here, I think she was telling you that for a reason.

Personally, I'd be mortified if a guy paid for everything and probably would turn me off. I think in this day and age there is no reason for women not paying their way 50/50 afterall they earn the same or sometimes more than men. I get embarrassed if someone buys me a free drink and I fret until I can get my round in because I'd hate to think people see me as a free loader.

I agree on a first date if the guy asked the girl out then he should pay. I don't now why I think that but I suppose it's a nice gesture but after the girls should most definitely get their wallets out.

OP, the 'forgot my wallet' trick might be a bit passive but I think it's probably the best approach in this case. You'll soon she how she reacts to paying for dinner and after that I'd make a point of saying 'so are you getting this round' on nights out. If she really is that precious then regardless of how nice she is or gorgeous just get rid as it will only get worse the longer you're together

StormWarrior

seahorse wrote: »

I was once talking to a Romanian woman (the new wife of a wealthy male friend of mine) and during our conversation I confided that money was a bit tight as I was just starting out in freelance journalism at that time, and get this! - she advised me I ought to: "find yourself a wealthy husband as I have done"!!!

This was a long-time friend of mine she was talking about, and she was fully well aware of that but still had no shame saying that straight to my face! Un-fcukin-believable!!! :eek:

Maybe she was just joking?

I think you're all taking this way too seriously, they have only been on 3 dates. OP, when arranging the next date, just casually say, "This one's on you, yeah?" and guage her reaction. Maybe she has been wanting to offer but didn't want to offend you?

LegacyUser

Ahwomen wrote: »

Ok here goes. I started dating a girl last week. I seemed to get into a habit of paying for everything on first date. This seems to have rolled on through date 2 and 3. She sits back and waits for me to pay for everything. i am far from tight and i am happy to do this for a while but not forever.

Mistake #1 = paying for everything.

Ahwomen wrote: »

She told me of all the things her last fella bought her and it makes be cringe. Now she is on about doing up her house and she even took me window shopping on second date. I sort of invited her to a wedding in a few weeks. She questioned me about costs (which is very fair).

As an education to you, next time you are talking to her tell her your last girlfriend used to buy you lots of clothes, dvds, etc. See what she says to that and take note.

Ahwomen wrote: »

I do have a decent job which might end next month and i am been careful. Should i be worried about this. Is she interested in a provider and somone to spoil her? I really do like her but i know i must break this habit myself but how do i do it?

You are already in the provider role.

Women need 2 types of men. A PROVIDER to provide for her and her kids (eventually) and a LOVER to give her the passionate sex she needs and the person she does all the things that she would NEVER do with her provider.

Seems to me you are a PROVIDER and have been pidgeon holed as such. You have followed that role yourself and have allowed her to put you in that role. Have you even had sex with this one?

I would immediately stop spending money on her that you SHOULDN'T be spending. If she gets pissy, tell her where to go simple as.

"But I like her"

If you keep going down the road you are going, you will not be with her for too much longer I'd imagine.

sunnyside

I'm finding this thread really interesting.

I think the girl is being unfair to you by letting you pay for everything.

I've been out with men who have always paid for everything BUT these men were much older than me and very financially secure, owned multiple properties, etc. I always felt that sex was expected in return for the nights out. I was totally ok with that because I genuienly liked them which was why I went out with them but I do see where people get the "glorified prostitute" thing from. Problem is there are numerous men like that out there and it's unfair on younger people like the OP to be expected to compare to that.

Often men who pay for everything expect their women to look amazing when they go out so some women would argue that maintaining their appearance costs more than the dinners (expensive clothes, hairdresser, nails, brazilian bikini waxing).

A woman once told me that she expects men to pay because they usually earn more (not true I hope).

While I didn't pay for dinner I bought expensive gifts for Christmas and birthdays and would never have called round without a bottle of wine. I minded the dog while he was off on business trips and collected rent from his tennants-things friends do for one another.


I would never mention gifts I got from somebody else on a date because I genuienly wouldn't compare. It's far more important to me that a man treats me properly all the time than what he buys me for Valentines day. And anything I really want I buy it myself.

G86

Its ridiculous that she expects you to pay every time. I personally feel really awkward if a guy pays, I'd rather split it. But if I'm seeing someone then we'd take it in turns to pay. There's no reason why one person should always have to dig their hand in their pocket, regardless of how much you earn.

I know you won't want to say it to her, esp if you like her that much, but if you don't its only going to build up until you get seriously pissed off about it and end up in a major row.

BubbleWrap85

I would die if a fella paid for everything. I always make a deal for example if he gets the cinema tickets, I'll get drinks & popcorn. Sometimes fellas like to treat the girl to dinner, and the odd time is ok. It's nice to be spoiled But I'd hate for him to pay for everything. Especially on a first date I think costs should be split. I'd say run. She sounds like a money grabber.

Marksie

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

I would die if a fella paid for everything. I always make a deal for example if he gets the cinema tickets, I'll get drinks & popcorn. Sometimes fellas like to treat the girl to dinner, and the odd time is ok. It's nice to be spoiled But I'd hate for him to pay for everything. Especially on a first date I think costs should be split. I'd say run. She sounds like a money grabber.

Agreed.
I do on the first date, tend to pay for the meal..then again I like eating lol. Its my usual experince that the woman would at least get a drink or two in after.
There are also instances where she may be stoney broke for one reason or another.
But that ain't the case here by a long chalk. My spidey sense would be tingling.

boarddotie

Its girls like her that give the rest of us a bad name

Jemmy

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

I'm sorry but I could never let a guy pay for everything. I'd feel like a total golddigger. Yuck!!
I've no problem accepting treats every now and then but I would buy them things too. It's not the 1950's afterall.

What she said! Thats ridiculous! Shes not worth that hassle.
Find a new wedding date!

Darragh29

ozzyoh wrote: »

Ah c'mon, this is a no-brainer. Tell her to feck off in no uncertain terms. She can't expect you to shell out for everything herself - has she never offered to go halves with you on ANYTHING? She's nothing but a gold-digging tramp. Find someone who wants YOU, not your dosh!

Rerra, don't walk, RUN!!!

Grawns

Sounds like an awful girl, she must be very good looking for you to look past such a personality and even get to a 2nd date. Dump her ( and do her a favour and tell her why)

smileysurfer

Grawns wrote: »

Sounds like an awful girl, she must be very good looking for you to look past such a personality and even get to a 2nd date. Dump her ( and do her a favour and tell her why)

ok you started dating her last week and already your complaining and moaning about having to pay for 'everything'? how many possible dates can you have in a week???sounds like your being a complete scrooge, she should be the one dumping you, RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN GIRL!! If your trying to make any sort of impression your going the complete wrong way about it!!!

and as for people saying ''sounds like an awful girl'' / or wat a leech??? its been a week!!!!

MissHoneyBun

1. There is no way that one person should ever be paying for everything.
That goes for relationships, friendships, drinks after work, anything!

2. People who expect someone else to pay their way all the time have zero respect for that person.

3. They usually have their own issues too eg. thinking they're something special and 'deserving' of someone else footing the bill 24/7. Not to mention the complete lack of dignity and self-respect.

4. People who do this often lack any self-awareness or have deluded themselves that what they're doing is completely acceptable and will continue to milk every penny as long as theres an obliging casualty to be taken advantage of.

5. Stingyness is one of the most unattractive traits ever.

OP this woman has only two things on her mind -money and how to get you to spend it on her. For a problem like this to be presented at such an early stage of the relationship, you should thank your lucky stars and get out before you lose more than your savings.

bangersandmash

smileysurfer wrote: »

ok you started dating her last week and already your complaining and moaning about having to pay for 'everything'? how many possible dates can you have in a week???sounds like your being a complete scrooge, she should be the one dumping you, RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN GIRL!! If your trying to make any sort of impression your going the complete wrong way about it!!!

Read his post. They had three dates in one week, he paid for everything.

This charming "lady" has already made her intentions clear by talking about the financial benefits of her ex, and bringing him window shopping as a date. What sort of impression do you think she is making?

OP I wouldn't go with the "lost wallet" charade, there's no need to lie. On your next date suggest going 50/50 when you get the bill, and gauge her reaction. If it's not good, then you'll need to decide whether you like her enough to put up with her high-maintenance ways. Of course it's quite possible that she might end it, as she doesn't want to be with a "complete scrooge" who expects her to actually contribute once in a while :rolleyes:

trio

I also hear alarm bells ringing loud and clear on this one.

To sit back and wait for a new fella to draw out his wallet, not once, not twice but three times to pay for every damn thing is pure brazen.

And yes, I think that talking about the presents an ex bought you is odd conversation to be having on a first week. I think this was her way of subtly saying "This is how I've been treated, this is what I'm used to".

I'm a woman and I'd be ashamed not paying 50%. Or if he insisted on paying for dinner, I'd buy plenty of drinks afterwards to show him I wasn't a leech. If I was broke and couldn't afford to pay 50% of a formal dinner, then I'd suggest a night in a pub having pub grub instead, which few men would object to.

Mind you, my OH made it quite clear from the get go what his expectations were - he looks at the bill and says mildly "OK, so it's 65 euro each......" You've just been put in an awkward situation where she sits there looking at her nails when the bill is plonked down. And since it's early days you didn't what you should do, so you did the easiest thing. Now it's going to be slightly harder to change.

Honestly, I don't see the point in the whole "forgetting your wallet" game. Sure she'd have to pay then wouldn't she? So what does that prove? It just means that she doesn't want to be embarressed in the restaurant. It certainly doesn't mean she's happy to pay her way in the relationship - a week later you could be scraping the last cent out of your wallet as she studies her nails all over again.

I do think that at this early stage you should end the acquaintance. It's not even a relationship yet, so now's the time. If you're complaining about her being materialistic after one week, imagine how you'll feel after a year??? :eek: A whole lot angrier and a whole lot poorer! And kicking yourself you didn't obey your instincts.

Don't do it by text though - ring her, and tell her that you've realised that you're just not in a financial position at the moment to support a relationship.

TheDriver

trio wrote: »

I also hear alarm bells ringing loud and clear on this one.
Don't do it by text though - ring her, and tell her that you've realised that you're just not in a financial position at the moment to support a relationship.

Brilliant, I love it though can I be bold as to state "to support a relathionship WITH YOU"?? At least make sure she knows why.
Plenty of lovely ladies out there who will treat you like you deserve and from the ladies on this thread should give you an idea that free loading is a thing of the past!

Semele

I'd say it's worth trying the forgetting your wallet trick- at least if she reacts badly then you have real grounds for either bringing up the subject with her or dumping her for it.

Regardless of how bad I find her behaviour so far, one week into a relationship is far too soon to have a conversation about her not paying her way- especially if you like this girl, as the embarassment of having someone you don't know very well say something like that would make a lot of people run for the hills.

If you do it though, don't wait until the bill arrives to announce you have no money because, as Red says, she HAS to pay then so you learn nothing. Arrange a date for dinner or whatever, then when you're in town (or far enough from home to make it unreasonable to turn back) do the "Oh sh*t, I don't have my wallet!!!" routine and see what she says. If she suggests going back for it, or in fact says anything other than "Don't worry about it!" then you have valid grounds for pointing out that she hasn't paid for anything yet.

MagicMarker

I would have no qualms paying the bill on the first date. However, i would expect at the very least an offer to pay half, that will give you bonus points. If you INSIST on paying your way then you're the woman for me...

If i were to go more than two dates without even an offer, then there would be no more dates. I'm not made of feckin money.

seahorse

StormWarrior wrote: »

Maybe she was just joking?

She wasn’t; and since I was there and you weren’t I guess you'll have to take my word for it.

I'd be interested to hear from the OP again. What's happened since you first posted OP? Is she still behaving like a woman I would term an 'undercover hoo'er', or what?

LegacyUser

The advice is top notch. Thanks to all. I dropped a hint i may invite her to wedding and wait for it. She told me she had to get hair done, accomadation and a billion questions. I am been milked and i know it.

For those of you wondering about sex, yes we have gone that far. First date in fact. We have lined up to meet next week again but i am not sure. I didn't like her going on about her house and cost of this and that on second date.

She is ringing and texting me constant, round the clock in fact. I think i set a bad example and offered to pay a bit quick on first date. I would insist on paying for her on first date but 2nd and third got me really worried as she hasn't offered to pay for anything to date.

There is a girl in work who i have lunch with and she was as shocked as anyone about this. She told me to get out while i still have any money and even offered friends on blind dates. I am tempted to try a few tricks on next date and see what she does about it and go from there. I will report back.

Trinity

Ahwomen wrote: »

The advice is top notch. Thanks to all. I dropped a hint i may invite her to wedding and wait for it. She told me she had to get hair done, accomadation and a billion questions. I am been milked and i know it.

For those of you wondering about sex, yes we have gone that far. First date in fact. We have lined up to meet next week again but i am not sure. I didn't like her going on about her house and cost of this and that on second date.

She is ringing and texting me constant, round the clock in fact. I think i set a bad example and offered to pay a bit quick on first date. I would insist on paying for her on first date but 2nd and third got me really worried as she hasn't offered to pay for anything to date.

There is a girl in work who i have lunch with and she was as shocked as anyone about this. She told me to get out while i still have any money and even offered friends on blind dates. I am tempted to try a few tricks on next date and see what she does about it and go from there. I will report back.

I wouldnt bother playing any games if you dont intend to follow through. She has given a bad first impression all round and best to be honest with people from the get go rather than lead her any further. Games get people hurt.

We've all seen the threads about what did i do wrong and she/he seemed so interested and then just dropped me etc and none of us here can say, despite her leechiness (is that a word?), that she doesnt actually like you!!


So either A) drop her and tell her why
or
explain to her that she is coming off as a bit mean and give her the opportunity to change her ways. Tell her independance is very attractive in a woman

Its possible she may have just been spoiled in her past relationships and as a kid and just doesnt know any better. If she seems like a nice person and hasnt actually done anything else wrong, I think you will be doing her a favour by explaining these things to her for future reference.

There would be a lot less PI issues in here if people actually explained why they were dumping someone.