He will pay for doing this to me..

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

As I write this I am seething with anger. I feel so stupid for how I’ve behaved and so naïve to have believed my ex boyfriends lies.

Here’s a summary of the recent events that have brought me to where I am today.
I went out with my ex for 4 years. We broke up when I discovered he had cheated on me. By discovered, I mean he told me. He sat me down one night and told me he hadn’t been happy for months and that he’d met someone else and was leaving. He moved out and we didn’t speak. Last I heard he had moved to London with this girl who was from there.

That was 2 years ago. Needless to say I was shocked, sickened and heart broken. I vowed never to speak to him again. Even when he was moving out and I was in bits he was cold, calm and threw in comments like ‘Look at you – why would I stay with a wreck like you’. Another comment I stored is ‘She is better then you in every way, that’s why I’m leaving’. Anyway, I digress.

2 months ago I was walking down Grafton Street when I saw this gorgeous guy walking towards me. It was him. I barely recognised him cause his hair was longer
and he was dressed really funky. Typical Camden style clothes that he never would have worn. He looked amazing. My heart was racing as he approached and I could tell he was shocked to see me too. We only spoke for a few minutes. He told me he had broken up with *Sally* and was living back here. We swapped numbers, he had a new one and said we’d meet up for a drink.

It took a few minutes to process this so I went and got myself a pint and thought it through. I deleted his number and decided that if he called, I wouldn’t answer. Of course when he did call the next day I jumped on the phone to answer. We arranged to meet up.

This is getting abit long so I’ll cut to it. We have been hooking up for drinks and s*x and things have been great. He said he’s sorry he ever left me and that Sally turned out to be crazy and a bitch. He said he was really happy to be with me again.

I was out with him on Thursday night and he said he’d call me over the weekend and we could meet up for dinner. I still haven’t heard from him.

I feel so stupid for letting him back into my life. I am completely messed up again and I can’t let this lie. I am going to make him pay for doing this to me again.

Revenge will be mine, not because I’m spiteful but because he deserves it.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable to expect some level of respect after all he put me through? Why did he bother saying he’d take me out for dinner? It’s not for the sex. He is hot and could easily pick up a woman in a bar which would be easier then having to deal with me. I gave him so much grief when we met for the first drink.
Why would he do this to me?

Thanks

Mr. Incognito

Grow up

Aurora Borealis

SetantaL wrote: »

Grow up

+1

You're responsible for your own actions too you know and it takes two etc.
Delete number and move on.
Revenge is for the playground.

brianthebard

You need more self respect tbh, for going back to him. As for getting women easier than you to deal with, either he is attracted to women he perceives as crazy or hard to handle (since he said that about both you nad sally) or he's enjoying being able to chase down a woman who should hate him.

Sugar Drunk

okay deep breath. I can understand your angry. You allowed him back into your life and you feel he is not being straight with you again. I think there is always one ex who really grabs your heart and who will always have some sort of emotional effect on you no matter how much you want to hate them. Sounds like he is yours.

However, think rationally for a sec. He said he would call you and he didnt. It does not necessarily mean that he has gone back to her or that he has dumped you. I think the problem is that you have been *hooking up* theres been no definate definition of what your relationship is right now and due to past experiences you are on the back foot from the start. My advice? Take control and decide your own fate this time. Ring him. get to the point - ask what the story is. What did he do on the weekend- what happened to dinner plans. If he has a good reason for not meeting you well work from there.

If he brushes you off/dumps you/tells you he doesnt want to meet up again etc take control and end it for good this time. Delete his number and cut all contact he is not worth it and now you know that for sure. have more self respect that to allow yourself to be a mans second best choice

Wibbs

OK he left you in a particularly nasty way years back. You were heart broken and moved on. Rightfully so, it sounds like a toxic breakup and respect for you was a tad lacking. That bits cool.

So now fast forward and you see him and he looks "hot" and all of that goes out the window and you feel compelled to expect something different this time? You got a wide on when you saw him. That's it. You can call it "spark" chemistry" or what have you, but basically he looked hot and right off the bat, little brain downstairs overruled big brain upstairs. Hence you deleting his number etc. Little brain answered his call and boned him and got caught up in his hotness. The getting on and all that was just little brain forcing the issue so big brain would go along.

Anyway he may be dodgy, he may be a prick, but you are as much if not moreso to blame as him. Listen to big brain more. I'm a bloke so have had a long dialogue between the two for years and know the pitfalls of listening to much to one.

Wibbs

spinandscribble wrote: »

you sound really really messed up. you are now going out or begin used for sex? either way you know he treated you like crap and hopped into bed with him after a drink. face it you love him. how would you get revenge? break up with him? cheat on him? come on, you know you shouldn't. its babish and wrong. he'll probably do the same thing to you again. get out.

Agreed, except for the she loves him bit. She doesn't. She knows little enough about him now. Any love involved is of the the pants variety with nostalgia thrown in for good measure.

faceman

Ask yourself, why waste your energy carrying out an act of revenge which will only serve to make you 'the bad guy' and do nothing to help your own personal healing process?

Distance yourself from your ex, tell him not to make contact. Move forward in life, not back

insomnia08

You shouldn't have gone back to him, first of all, but I understand you give him a go because you sound mad about him. He deceived you again. Don't feel bad about yourself, we all have been fooled..

Don't bother to take revenge, whatever you do, you may regret..let it go..find someone else..What goes around comes around. If he had bad intentions with you he'll get his punishment, but not from you, from life..

I hope you feel better soon

Nevyn

Why don't you ring him ?
He could of lost his phone or got knocked down by a truck.

The best revenge is living well and being happy.

TheBrig

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

okay deep breath. I can understand your angry. You allowed him back into your life and you feel he is not being straight with you again. I think there is always one ex who really grabs your heart and who will always have some sort of emotional effect on you no matter how much you want to hate them. Sounds like he is yours.

However, think rationally for a sec. He said he would call you and he didnt. It does not necessarily mean that he has gone back to her or that he has dumped you. I think the problem is that you have been *hooking up* theres been no definate definition of what your relationship is right now and due to past experiences you are on the back foot from the start. My advice? Take control and decide your own fate this time. Ring him. get to the point - ask what the story is. What did he do on the weekend- what happened to dinner plans. If he has a good reason for not meeting you well work from there.

If he brushes you off/dumps you/tells you he doesnt want to meet up again etc take control and end it for good this time. Delete his number and cut all contact he is not worth it and now you know that for sure. have more self respect that to allow yourself to be a mans second best choice

+1

But its not easy, there's not many of us on here that can put our hands on our hearts and say we haven't jumped when an ex has called..and promised ourselves we would only meet for a drink to tell them exactly what I think of them...fast forward 6 pints on....different story...hope you get through this, I would not bother with revenge, honestly, it'll be you that comes out of it looking like a complete pyscho...best of luck x

spinandscribble

Wibbs wrote: »

Agreed, except for the she loves him bit. She doesn't. She knows little enough about him now. Any love involved is of the the pants variety with nostalgia thrown in for good measure.

i dunno, people can love really really stupid people. but i agree with your little brain-big brain theory.
i deleted because i hadn't heard the post correctly, alot was off with my post.

Nevyn

He is not who he was then, he has changed and she is infatuated with the change in this appearance and was speculating that he changed in ways that she also had wished for besides the hair and clothes and made decisions bassed on those asumptions and now feel a fool for doing so.

I am still boggled why you didn't get in touch with him.

missmatty

TheBrig wrote: »

+1

But its not easy, there's not many of us on here that can put our hands on our hearts and say we haven't jumped when an ex has called..and promised ourselves we would only meet for a drink to tell them exactly what I think of them...fast forward 6 pints on....different story...

Oh yes indeed :rolleyes: That has happened me quite a lot but in my case it's not really such a toxic situation. In yours, he treated you really badly first time around. Why did he do it this time? Because he COULD. Because you let him. It takes two to tango alright, I've learned that the hard way.

Sugar Drunk

with a guy like this the best revenge anyway is to ignore him no matter how hot he is or what he says. He thrives on attention and the fact that no matter what he did to you before he could still get you back if he wanted. He enjoys being cruel because he knows he can.

I have one ex that acted way outta line so now I ignore him. As far as I am concerned he is nothing and nobody. If I am somewhere and he is there I simply dont react to him at all and it drives him mad. At one point he even posted awful comments about me on a mutual friends bebo page - dying for a reaction so again I ignored him and I know thats driven him mad more than anything else.

Karen_*

You were treated very badly by this guy and now its happened twice. Alot of your anger is at yourself OP but just let it go. Its horrible but do your esteem a great deal of good by letting this one go. In years to come you won't care what he did but how you reacted and behaved will haunt you.

WilmaRidesAgain

OP, you feel a fool and thats understandable, you are annoyed with him, but really you are more annoyed with yourself. You know in your heart you put out your hand to be slapped...but getting revenge is not going to give you satisfaction, also likely it wont go right and he will think even less of you for caring so much.

Best form of revenge IS to move on and be happy, you cant polish a sh1te and this situation is sh1te, you are not going to be able to redeem it with "revenge" -you will only end up looking worse.

Revenge fantasies can be very funny and satisfying but in truth I dont think they ever work out that way.

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

Why don't you ring him ?
He could of lost his phone or got knocked down by a truck.

TBH for both their sakes ringing him may be a bad plan. Now this is my opinion, but kicking off about revenge this early on with this background would not be a good sign. If I was his mate and found this I would be telling him to run for the hills.

The best revenge is living well and being happy.

No truer word said. Revenge is childish and stupid and nine times out of ten is done to make the person trying to get revenge feel better about bad choices they made. It's all down to responsibility. It was her responsibility to adopt a wait and see approach not jump in with both feet on the dubious basis of hotness. One can only be responsible for oneself. Others can work out their own shít and if they can't then walk away.

spinandscribble wrote:

i dunno, people can love really really stupid people.

Then for me beyond a certain age or experience then they are as dumb frankly. It does depend on the person of course. I would also say it's just a more physical version of unrequited love. It's not equal and two way.

but i agree with your little brain-big brain theory.

At this point I'm still trying to figure out which one of mine has the more brains...

i deleted because i hadn't heard the post correctly, alot was off with my post.

Blame me, way to quick responding on my part.

pwd

potcat says "revensh ish oursh"

Wibbs

Karen_* wrote: »

You were treated very badly by this guy and now its happened twice. Alot of your anger is at yourself OP but just let it go. Its horrible but do your esteem a great deal of good by letting this one go. In years to come you won't care what he did but how you reacted and behaved will haunt you.

Good advice.

Wibbs

pwd Unhelpful posts or vids not welcome here. Read the charter.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

He is not who he was then, he has changed and she is infatuated with the change in this appearance and was speculating that he changed in ways that she also had wished for besides the hair and clothes and made decisions bassed on those asumptions and now feel a fool for doing so.

I am still boggled why you didn't get in touch with him.

Thank you, that's exactly what it is. 2 years have passed and I hope he might have grown up by now. He looked so different and seemed so together that I foolishly thought he'd changed.

The reason i don't call him is that he said he'd call me over the weekend. It's Tuesday and still nothing. Why should I call him? I waited all weekend to hear from him and got nothing.
He ruined my weekend. If I call he won't answer and I'll feel worse.

Of course he deserves revenge. He is a bastard for leading me on again.

Karen_*

Ah he does deserve of course to fall under a lorry OP but don't be the one to push him! I think it would hurt him or bother him more to not hear from you now and to never get a reply from you again. Leave him to God, the universe, karma or whatever because beleive me treating people like dirt does not bring the one dishing it out any lasting joy. You'll get momentary satisfaction from revenge and then you'll still be boiling with rage and feeling even worse.

the self esteem is low and its just got lower. Feel great by taking this on the chin and being really grown up and classy and just putting it behind you. And never ever let him in again. don't even be tempted to stick around for an explaination. You don't want to know, you are far too good to be lied to or your time wasted.

spinandscribble

then go ahead, we won't stop ya. maybe you could boil his bunny, i dunno exactly what could you do to him? nothing. theres nothing you can do. but where theres a will theres a way but you'll just look crazy and he'll think "geeze, i was right all along about her, nuts. just like my english ex." how on earth will any of that make you feel better?

Nevyn

No you ruined your weekend by hanging around and waiting for him to call you,
you got caught up in obessing about him and what might happen and created castles in the clouds and the big romantic ideal of him ringing you, what might follow after and built it up far too much so that now you have crashed.

At least if you had of taken responsiblity and took some control of yourself and your situations and rang to find out you would have at least have not spun your emotional wheels to the extent it sounds like you want to castrate him which lets face is just not healthy.

IF he lead you on it's cos you gave him permission to and didn't take control of your side of the situation.

Sugar Drunk

Revengequeen wrote: »

The reason i don't call him is that he said he'd call me over the weekend. It's Tuesday and still nothing. Why should I call him? I waited all weekend to hear from him and got nothing.
He ruined my weekend.

and now your letting him ruin your week too. You are still waiting for that phone to ring with an apologetic excuse for why he didnt ring you. we have all been there at some stage. You have two choices:
1. ring him and if he doesnt answer / blows you off well now you know for definate and can start to move on
2. dont ring him and forget about him

not ringing him and not movin gone either is counter productive as he is still getting what he wants - your miserable and thinking about him

faceman

Revengequeen wrote:

Of course he deserves revenge. He is a bastard for leading me on again.

You're not painting yourself in a good light here. I'm also trying to guess at how exactly you plan on getting revenge on him given he's probably not interested anymore

What's more important to you- your well being or his misery? Choose wisely.

Joseph Kuhr

Bunny boiler....

Maybe he's scared of you? As in you sound a bit emotional unbalanced.

Oryx

Revengequeen wrote: »

I foolishly thought he'd changed.

I was going to point out that he hasnt done anything other than be the man who left you years ago. You were the one who thought different.

The reason i don't call him is that he said he'd call me over the weekend. It's Tuesday and still nothing. Why should I call him? I waited all weekend to hear from him and got nothing.
He ruined my weekend. If I call he won't answer and I'll feel worse.

Its a bit weak to play that 'he was meant to call so I wont' game. And you dont know what would happen if you call. He might fall overhimself to talk to you and explain how he lost your number.
Or more likely he will go oh hi, im meant to phone... Either way, he has done very little other than be himself. As Thaedydal said, you are the one who has stewed on it over the weekend and wound yourself up.

Of course he deserves revenge. He is a bastard for leading me on again.

Um, no. Hes probably one of lifes unorganised people who mean well when they say theyll do something, and then get caught up in life and dont do it. It doesnt mean he is a bastard, it means he was more on your mind than you were on his.

LegacyUser

Okay okay, everybody is right and I know that in my heart. I'm not actually gonna boil his rabbit or anything but I feel like killing him!!

Thanks guys. I just hate him so much right now for doing this to me again. It's so cruel but he clearly doesn't care. All his bull**** last weekend about how beautiful I am and it felt so good to wake up and see my face etc. Lies lies lies:(

Karen_*

Joseph Kuhr wrote: »

Bunny boiler....

Maybe he's scared of you? As in you sound a bit emotional unbalanced.

Thats so helpful. She sounds angry, hurt and humiliated to me!

faceman

Revengequeen wrote: »

Okay okay, everybody is right and I know that in my heart. I'm not actually gonna boil his rabbit or anything but I feel like killing him!!

Thanks guys. I just hate him so much right now for doing this to me again. It's so cruel but he clearly doesn't care. All his bull**** last weekend about how beautiful I am and it felt so good to wake up and see my face etc. Lies lies lies:(

Many of us have been in similar situations like that. Its ok to feel hurt and mad. Time will heal the wounds but the wounds won't heal if left exposed to the fire

The sooner you allow yourself to move on, the happier you will be.

MJOR

Ok I understand how you are feeling but you have to accept responsibility for this too. I'm going to be straight up and honest with you.

He leaves you to head off to a different country, calls you names insults you and tells you basically nah nah nana na I have a better girl.

Fast forward two years later you have spent some time licking your wounds and then BAM you meet him. You resolve not to meet him and then do so regardless.

Then you have sex with him and meet up with him. Could you inflate his ego anymore? Sorry to be blunt but why on earth would he have any respect. Did he even apologise properly? He regrettted it because Sally was a b!tch( more like well able for him).

You have to have respect for yourself and I understand why you need revenge but in all honesty what can you do? Boil his bunny?

If you are to walk away from this with one shred of pride you'll just ignore him. You seem like a nice girl that just got a raw deal. You don't need him and the best revenge (trust me i know) is to be happy and healthy and free from this jerk

Oryx

Revengequeen wrote: »

Okay okay, everybody is right and I know that in my heart. I'm not actually gonna boil his rabbit or anything but I feel like killing him!!

Thanks guys. I just hate him so much right now for doing this to me again. It's so cruel but he clearly doesn't care. All his bull**** last weekend about how beautiful I am and it felt so good to wake up and see my face etc. Lies lies lies:(

I know its hard when your angry, but accept that when he said it, he meant it. When you are in the middle of a romantic situation its so easy to get caught up and say wonderful things which are heartfelt at the time. But the next day you revert back to your life as it was, and those thoughts get stowed away. A short meet up does not make you the centre of his life again. If that were to happen it would take time, even though you both have a history.

Im sorry you got hurt, but direct that anger in a worthwhile way. Rather than focus inward on thoughts of hurting him and how bad you feel, use it to feel strong, to say 'fcuk em', I dont care.

Mr. Incognito

You'll forgive a bit of Radiohead.

"You do it to yourself, you do and that's what really hurts,
You do it to yourself, just you, just you and no-one else
You do it to yourself............"

Delete his number and move on.

Piste

Ordinarily I would advocate revenge...but this happened two years ago and more fool you for getting back in contact with someone who hurt you that badly.


But if you really still want revenge completely blank him, don't return his calls, go cold, say you're with another (better) guy, that might take him down a peg or two.

Not much you can do besides that though.

Wibbs

Revengequeen wrote: »

Thank you, that's exactly what it is. 2 years have passed and I hope he might have grown up by now. He looked so different and seemed so together that I foolishly thought he'd changed.

Maybe he has, maybe he hasn't. Have you?

The reason i don't call him is that he said he'd call me over the weekend. It's Tuesday and still nothing. Why should I call him? I waited all weekend to hear from him and got nothing.

That's called a strop and game playing frankly.

He ruined my weekend.

No as thaed wrote, you did, by sitting in.

If I call he won't answer and I'll feel worse.

How do you know.

Of course he deserves revenge. He is a bastard for leading me on again.

This is why I would be telling him to run for the hills. Deserves revenge, because you made a bad choice based on horniness and nostalgia and hope. Hope is the only one of the three with any basis in reality. You led yourself on. You jumped too quick and now at the first hiccup you blame him. Not healthy for you.

I just hate him so much right now for doing this to me again.

I would say you're simply projecting your "hate" for your own part in this onto him. To jump in this quickly and this intensely with a man who wronged you in the past based on very little is not good. Learn from that. It's not always someone elses fault. It's usually not just their fault. In each screw up both people are to blame in some way, most of the time.

It's so cruel but he clearly doesn't care. All his bull**** last weekend about how beautiful I am and it felt so good to wake up and see my face etc. Lies lies lies

He doesn't contact you for a couple of days and you don't pick up the phone yourself, how do you know what's going through his mind? Answer you don't. You're thinking the worst and acting that out. Yes he may have been lying and that's not good, but shít happens, it's how we deal with that shít that marks us out as emotionally healthy or not.

milod

SetantaL wrote: »

You'll forgive a bit of Radiohead.

"You do it to yourself, you do and that's what really hurts,
You do it to yourself, just you, just you and no-one else
You do it to yourself............"

Delete his number and move on.

+1
Apt quote totally forgiven!

Here's another:

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"
"The Mourning Bride" (1697) by William Congreve

The play ably reflects how damned ugly a vengeful person can be...

shrek276

Revengequeen wrote: »

Hi Guys,

As I write this I am seething with anger. I feel so stupid for how I’ve behaved and so naïve to have believed my ex boyfriends lies.

Here’s a summary of the recent events that have brought me to where I am today.
I went out with my ex for 4 years. We broke up when I discovered he had cheated on me. By discovered, I mean he told me. He sat me down one night and told me he hadn’t been happy for months and that he’d met someone else and was leaving. He moved out and we didn’t speak. Last I heard he had moved to London with this girl who was from there.

That was 2 years ago. Needless to say I was shocked, sickened and heart broken. I vowed never to speak to him again. Even when he was moving out and I was in bits he was cold, calm and threw in comments like ‘Look at you – why would I stay with a wreck like you’. Another comment I stored is ‘She is better then you in every way, that’s why I’m leaving’. Anyway, I digress.

2 months ago I was walking down Grafton Street when I saw this gorgeous guy walking towards me. It was him. I barely recognised him cause his hair was longer
and he was dressed really funky. Typical Camden style clothes that he never would have worn. He looked amazing. My heart was racing as he approached and I could tell he was shocked to see me too. We only spoke for a few minutes. He told me he had broken up with *Sally* and was living back here. We swapped numbers, he had a new one and said we’d meet up for a drink.

It took a few minutes to process this so I went and got myself a pint and thought it through. I deleted his number and decided that if he called, I wouldn’t answer. Of course when he did call the next day I jumped on the phone to answer. We arranged to meet up.

This is getting abit long so I’ll cut to it. We have been hooking up for drinks and s*x and things have been great. He said he’s sorry he ever left me and that Sally turned out to be crazy and a bitch. He said he was really happy to be with me again.

I was out with him on Thursday night and he said he’d call me over the weekend and we could meet up for dinner. I still haven’t heard from him.

I feel so stupid for letting him back into my life. I am completely messed up again and I can’t let this lie. I am going to make him pay for doing this to me again.

Revenge will be mine, not because I’m spiteful but because he deserves it.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable to expect some level of respect after all he put me through? Why did he bother saying he’d take me out for dinner? It’s not for the sex. He is hot and could easily pick up a woman in a bar which would be easier then having to deal with me. I gave him so much grief when we met for the first drink.
Why would he do this to me?

Thanks

...you probably deserve him...since you have stuck up with him again...he humilliated you in a sadistic way....without compassion of any kind...I don't think you are the needy type...for sex, you could also get anyone and perhaps with a better performance and most important with more respect to you than he showed...Go, on find someone, for example here...Like me (Lol)... 'the force be with you'.

AngryBadger

Thaedydal wrote: »

The best revenge is living well and being happy.

+1

all the stars

Revengequeen wrote: »

Why did he bother saying he’d take me out for dinner?

My first thought is why would you go? that was quite silly of you considering how broken up you were that he left you in such a bad way

Revengequeen wrote: »

Why would he do this to me?

Why would you let him more to the point.




What he did was bad - but i sincerely doubt he sat down and plotted to break your heart.

Revenge will not ever make you feel any better really - an to be honest, if you can be that malicious, and bad intentionally - it just doesn't say good things about you as a person.

AngryBadger

I don't get what's fueling this "revenge" trip OP. He broke up with you 2 years ago, then you met him, and in spite of the fact that you had decided he was a jerk or whatever, you started having casual sex with him. Then one weekend he doesn't call when he says he will and so you go mad?

Seriously?

I'm not even sure I believe his breaking up with you was particularly disrespectful, a few quotes taken out of context do not a bastard make.

I think you need to grow up and maybe get some self-respect OP. If he's such a jerk then you should know better than to get back with him in any context. And what sane person loses the rag and swears revenge because someone doesn't call?

StormWarrior

Revengequeen wrote: »

Do you think I’m being unreasonable to expect some level of respect after all he put me through?

Yes. You have to earn respect and you have done nothing to earn it, the total opposite in fact. You allowed him to treat you like this. He doesn't sound like a gentleman, but you really have nobody to blame but yourself! After all he put you through you still gave him exactly what he wanted. Is it any wonder he doesn't respect you? You sound like you have self esteem issues, maybe you should get counselling to sort them out or you will continue to allow people to use you. Forget revenge, sorting out your own problems would be a better use of your time.

MagicMarker

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Sonderval

Nothing good ever comes from revenge

"In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior"

Be the better person.

kraggy

AngryBadger wrote: »

I don't get what's fueling this "revenge" trip OP. He broke up with you 2 years ago, then you met him, and in spite of the fact that you had decided he was a jerk or whatever, you started having casual sex with him. Then one weekend he doesn't call when he says he will and so you go mad?

Seriously?

I'm not even sure I believe his breaking up with you was particularly disrespectful, a few quotes taken out of context do not a bastard make.

I think you need to grow up and maybe get some self-respect OP. If he's such a jerk then you should know better than to get back with him in any context. And what sane person loses the rag and swears revenge because someone doesn't call?

Exactly what I was going to say.

Also, have you considered that he may not have been able to call? Something came up, he was in an accident?

Even if he wasn't, you need to grow up a little and lose the vindictiveness.

You'll end up alone if you're not careful.

Trinity

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. - magicmarker beat me to it :-)

Dont have time to read all the replies (ok just did hence the edit) but you are not the first and wont be the last girl that this has happened to.

If you allow people to use you or hurt you they will continue to do it. There is no reason, dont over analyse it, him, or yourself, they do it cos they get away with it. Hes getting de-spunked and having fun without the commitment or hassle. You wont get respect if you dont show him you respect yourself. You have shown him, its ok to have fun with me, shag me, cheat on me, disrespect me etc, and i will still let you into my bed cos i expect nothing more for myself.

Its a hard lesson to learn but if someone hurts you in that way, (had you broke up on mutual friendly terms i wouldnt say this) you must never look back. Its a hard lesson to learn, but an important one. I know someone very close to me in a similar position and i just cant understand why she keeps going back for more.

Hold your head high and walk away, any more invites say no thank you, nice seeing you, have a nice life.

Chalk it up OP and never let it happen again with any guy!

Unless of course he is dead or hospitalised and couldnt possibly contact you in which case i say ignore the above.

eveie

grow up and cop on, how do you think he's going to treat you???
he treated you like crap then one day you bump into him and your off sleeping with him, come on, it doesnt take a physcologist to work this one out.
get some self respect, we all make mistakes but usually we learn from them.
you only have yourself to blame im afraid

Madame Razz

"Experience is the name everybody gives to their mistakes" (Oscar Wilde)


OP put this one down to experience and move on. The guys an asshole, pure and simple.

And maybe you loved him, maybe the sex was great, maybe whatever; but he DID treat you abominably, he DID rob of you of your self respect and self esteem, and he did act like a complete ****.

And two years on he hasn't changed.

He treated you terribly, in effect left you in the gutter. HE comes back and throws you scraps from his table, and you're delighted. Then the scraps stop. Why are you depending on him to be you???

Don't look for self validation from somebody like that. He robbed you of your self-esteem, and you have to get that back, Being with him again won't do that, in fact having anything to do with this man will dent your self-esteem even further.

In ways you should feel lucky that he didnt contact you. And maybe he said some lovely things the morning after ye slept together, but thats all heat of the moment sh**e, I wouldn't be taking that to heart.

Delete his number, forget about him, move on.

Change your hair, buy new clothes, head somewhere for the weekend and find yourself again, be you, and be not ruled by anybody else.

Value yourself, validate yourself, respect yourself, and find yourself a nice man.

Dont waste mental energy on revenge and such like. USe your energy postively.

YOU ARE BETTER THAN MEN LIKE HIM!!!!

Good luck.

Wibbs

I agree with what you said in that post, save for this bit

manukahoney wrote: »

he DID rob of you of your self respect and self esteem, and he did act like a complete ****.

He may have acted like a complete so and so, but she has to take responsibility for her part in this. She gave him her self respect. Her self esteem is her own thing to nurture.

If this was a new guy, an unknown quantity I would have more sympathy, but he's not. She jumped right back in on the flimsiest of pretences and expected something more. That's her thing to deal with not his. If she had thought about this and taken her time, this thread would not have been started.

While blaming him is a sympathetic thing to do, it won't stop the same thing happening down the line with him or someone like him. Guaranteed.

Indeed I wouldn't be surprised if he rang her mid week with some excuse or other, valid or not and she'll jump right back in. Rinse and repeat.

Madame Razz

Wibbs wrote: »

I agree with what you said in that post, save for this bitHe may have acted like a complete so and so, but she has to take responsibility for her part in this. She gave him her self respect. Her self esteem is her own thing to nurture.

If this was a new guy, an unknown quantity I would have more sympathy, but he's not. She jumped right back in on the flimsiest of pretences and expected something more. That's her thing to deal with not his. If she had thought about this and taken her time, this thread would not have been started.

While blaming him is a sympathetic thing to do, it won't stop the same thing happening down the line with him or someone like him. Guaranteed.

Indeed I wouldn't be surprised if he rang her mid week with some excuse or other, valid or not and she'll jump right back in. Rinse and repeat.

The point I was trying to make to the OP is that she should not look for validation from ANYBODY but herself, only her own selfvalidation will feed her own self esteem and self worth.

The OP should never entrust her own validation into the hands of anybody but herself, as her experience has shown, by doing so she gives the other person the upper hand automatically, and then,ultimately total control!!

Trust me OP, I learnt this life lesson the hard way;)