My nan is going to pick a fight with me!

StormWarrior

On Wednesday it was my mum's 60th birthday. On that day we had a small celebration, but unbeknownst to my mum, my sister and nan have arranged a surprise party which will be held tomorrow. My nan decided that the food for the party and the cake should come from Marks & Spencer. She got out a brochure and started showing us all the food she wants for the party (a ridiculous amount.)

My sister agreed to pay part of the cost. Her and my nan went shopping in M&S and my nan chose over £150 worth of food, including the cake. This is a stupid amount, there are only going to be about 7 or 8 people at the party, including us!My nan tried to put more food in the trolley when they were shopping but my sister stopped her, complaining that she couldn't afford it. In the end my nan contributed over £90 of the cost and my sister paid £60.

Before doing this, they asked me to contribute. I said no. I gave the following reasons:
1. I am a student living off a student loan and my overdraft is already up to £2900. I am so skint that I just had to ask my dad for some money to buy a very much needed new pair of trainers as my old ones have just fallen apart, so I couldn't wait until next week when I get paid from my part time job.

2. It is a ridicous amount of money to spend. I am sure my mother would be horrified if she knew how much it had cost. She is struggling to pay her mortgage as it is, our family does not have hundreds of pounds to waste on M&S food.

3. I said that we should get the food from Lidl, then it will be more affordable and I can try and contribute. My nan said "No, I really want M&S food, I know its expensive but I want it."

4. They already had a big boxful of crisps, crackers, cheese, meat and other party food that they are going to use as well, they didn't need to buy any more at all, never mind another £150 worth.

Technically, I could give them a contribution after the party but I don't want to. I get paid only £200 to last me the whole month and I have to buy food, transport etc from that and try and pay off some of my overdraft. I think that as my nan wanted to buy from M&S and get such a ridiculous amount (most of which will probably be wasted) she should take responsibility. My sister is annoyed that my nan pressurised her to spend so much. I have already given my mum a birthday present and took her out to the cinema on her birthday.

My sister visited my nan this morning, and told me that my nan is going to have a word with me. This is what my sister said:

"Nan is gong to ask you casually, "How much have you contributed to the food?" Then when you say nothing, she is going to scream, "WHAT??!" and start having a go at you, so be prepared!"

I don't feel I should have to defend myself, since I told her in advance I would not be contributing. But she is planning to pick a fight and I can't avoid her since we must both be at the party tomorrow. Do you think I am terribly in the wrong? I am sure my mother would have a fit if she knew how much they had spent.

RedXIV

Here's what i'd do, get your sister to back you up on this. When she comes over to ask what did you contribute, say £20 and you gave it to your sister. You have contributed, your sister has still contributed more than you, and if she says it's not enough, say you can't possibly afford anymore.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

First off, your Nan is being selfish, end of.

I would look at it like this: your Nan CHOOSE to throw an expensive party and buy expensive food. It was her decision, no one twisted her arm, and she knew the situation before she went to M&S.

Me answer woud be something along the lines of: "I haven't contributed because, as you know I'm not in a pisition to anything." If she complains: "I'm greatful for the gesture, bus I told you this beforehand - this is why I wanted to keep it small."

If all else fails, sod her. Your famaily (and especially your Mum) will know what position your in, in case your Nan brings it up, and probably wouldn't expect you to go all-in anyway.

Beyond that, enjoy the party. If you really want to be brazen, take home a doggy bag .

MagicMarker

Tell her you don't plan on eating any of it so don't see any reason to contribute... Bring a packed lunch:)

StormWarrior

RedXIV wrote: »

Here's what i'd do, get your sister to back you up on this. When she comes over to ask what did you contribute, say £20 and you gave it to your sister. You have contributed, your sister has still contributed more than you, and if she says it's not enough, say you can't possibly afford anymore.

But my sister won't lie about it as she wants me to contribute some since she had to. And I really do not want to contribute any, since I can't afford it and I told her in advance I would not do so. And because I think it's a total waste of money.

MagicMarker

If your sister had a back bone she wouldn't have contributed so much. It's not your fault she can't say no.

is_that_so

I'd drop the waste of money line especially if everyone else appears to be OK with the M&S stuff. It will do you no favours, especially when it comes to family. Highlighting to your Nan your difficult financial situation, adding of course that you would love to contribute otherwise, would be a line I would take. Is there anyone else you can tap for a long term loan of €20? Whatever way you do it I think that honesty about your own circumstances and not what you think may help you get through it.

Lollipops23

your gran clearly has no idea what it is to be a skint student, and she's acting well out of order. I think you should drop over to her before the party-it'll be awful if it happens at the party!!She's trying to take control of the party and have it her way regardless of your mum's feelings-you said yourself she's have a fit if she knew how much it cost!

WilmaRidesAgain

Jaysus, the cheeky old bat!!! :eek:

Just let her rant on and on and then break down in poignant, silent, dignified tears and splutter "Nan, I am just waiting to see if the bank can extend my overdraft for the food"

Guilt trip the aul biddy.....blerdy cheek of some people!!!

Tails142

Tell her she can have some money from your wallet, open your empty wallet and say oh... hey nan you couldnt lend me a few quid could ya?

It is your mams 60th birthday though and you only get the one, also most parents dont get to live to see theirs childs 60th so its a bit special. Going the extra mile and having a fancy party isnt that big a deal, and fair enough not paying, but think of it this way, if you went out for a meal, which wouldnt be a unreasonable thing to do, you'd be down at least 50 quid for that.

Also food in lidl and food in marks and spencer hardly compare. M&S is expensive but the food is great quality, lidl is cheap german import crap and not really that great unless your family are big fans of sauerkraut.

I hope nobody throws you a 60th if ya make it to that age, ya oul miser!

nhughes100

Time for a bit of reverse psychology, ring your nan and tell her you need a loan of 20 or 30 euro fairly pronto, if she's stubborn tell her you're running low on credit but it's for something really important. Get her to give the money to your sister and she can buy something for the party out of it. Families eh?

StormWarrior

Tails142 wrote: »

Tell her she can have some money from your wallet, open your empty wallet and say oh... hey nan you couldnt lend me a few quid could ya?

It is your mams 60th birthday though and you only get the one, also most parents dont get to live to see theirs childs 60th so its a bit special. Going the extra mile and having a fancy party isnt that big a deal, and fair enough not paying, but think of it this way, if you went out for a meal, which wouldnt be a unreasonable thing to do, you'd be down at least 50 quid for that.

Also food in lidl and food in marks and spencer hardly compare. M&S is expensive but the food is great quality, lidl is cheap german import crap and not really that great unless your family are big fans of sauerkraut.

I hope nobody throws you a 60th if ya make it to that age, ya oul miser!

£50 for a meal? Where do you eat out? We went out for a meal on wednesday and it was only £10 each. And, I might add, my nan let my mum pay for her (on my mums birthday) so she has a cheek complaining about me. Anyway, buying M&S food is one thing, but that's no excuse for buying so much. £150 for 7 or 8 people is a total waste and even if I could afford it, I would not throw money down the drain like that. I know exactly what will happen, most of it will be left uneaten and will end up being fed to the dogs.

January

Just explain to your nan again that you're broke and cannot afford to contribute to the food for the party. Tell her you're really sorry and that you would love to be able to give your mum a really special birthday party but at this moment in time you cannot.

Tell her you'll throw a hell of a party for her 70th though!

WilmaRidesAgain

Tails142 wrote: »

Tell her she can have some money from your wallet, open your empty wallet and say oh... hey nan you couldnt lend me a few quid could ya?

It is your mams 60th birthday though and you only get the one, also most parents dont get to live to see theirs childs 60th so its a bit special. Going the extra mile and having a fancy party isnt that big a deal, and fair enough not paying, but think of it this way, if you went out for a meal, which wouldnt be a unreasonable thing to do, you'd be down at least 50 quid for that.

Also food in lidl and food in marks and spencer hardly compare. M&S is expensive but the food is great quality, lidl is cheap german import crap and not really that great unless your family are big fans of sauerkraut.

I hope nobody throws you a 60th if ya make it to that age, ya oul miser!

Listen Im not being funny, but these days: lovely if you can afford the sentiment, but unfortunately most of us cannot afford M&S prices at all.

I spend stupid amounts of money on presents and collections, babies born, birthdays, anniversaries, going away parties, weddings etc etc Its become a form of social bullying to the poor, you will hear the cry: "pay up you cheapskate its "only" €50!!!" etc etc etc but it never ends....seriously.

Its never just "one occasion" its hundreds a year and its only getting worse, I heard talk recently they are starting this baby shower [EMAIL="cr@p"]cr@p[/EMAIL] over here now.... ARGH !! :rolleyes:

Anyway, the point being OP is not a miser, she doesnt have the money to give.....hey and btw I shop in Lidl and the food is absolutely gorgeous, yes M&S is lovely but you are really paying for the packaging to be honest.

pookie82

To be honest I don't think that 150 quid is too much to spend on a party for 7 or 8 people - you should see how much I spend on one person for a couple of days!!!

But the point is that you're not in a position to pay up. I think it's absolutely horrible that your nan would be so mean. My nan threw money at me all through my college years and even now if she were organising a party for someone she wouldn't dream of taking money off one of her grandkids (unless maybe we were loaded and she were badly broke or something). Don't make a big deal out of how much was spent cos as another poster said, this will just make you look mean spirited. But you should tell your nan and sis that if they plan on spending money on another party for your mum they should cough up themselves. I presume your nan is on a nice little pension and your sister works????

Tell your nan that you're not going to respond to bullying tactics and that you can't hand over money you don't have. And call her a mean old bag for good measure. I wouldn't normally recommend insulting an old lady but she sounds like a right bully and a little crazy.

LegacyUser

Be honest! Explain the situation as it is. You appreciate the fact that it is your mother's 60th and that your grandmother and sister are willing to go all out and make it memorable for her. Also, you feel slightly upset that, as you are a student, and are not earning, you are unable to contribute and unfortunately do not have the funds at the present time. You are however available to help setup the party, or whatever... etc etc.

The last thing you want to do is insult your grandmother or lose your own integrity by blaming others. Big no-no!! The situation is at it is, and you can hardly be to blame for that. If she pushes you, keep calm, and simply reiterate the point that the situation is out of your hands. You could also ask her, her excellent advice on how she would possible be able to help you in finding the money to contribute, or perhaps a suggestion on how to contribute that would not involve financial debt on your behalf.

Good luck with it!

rainbow kirby

Bear in mind that it is £150 and not €150 that the OP is talking about - there's a bit of a difference there!

dudara

That's a tough position to be in.

If you were not consulted prior to the purchase of the food, and did not agree to it, then they cannot ask you to pay. And I would have no qualms in saying no.

However, in an effort to appease everyone, I would gladly offer to be there to help with the setting up, the serving and the cleaning up afterwards. That's free from your point of view, but might defuse your Gran.

togster

In fairness you could have given them something towards it. 10 eur would have been a gesture. You can justify it all you want but i can see it from her point of view. I can see your side too but it's the gesture not the size of the contribution.

Loopy

When you do have the 'chat', I would be very straight with her and tell her that you are skint and that even if you weren't skint you would have a huge problem with contributing towards paying a bill of €150 worth of M&S Food for 7 people, considering they had crisps and lots of other stuff there too.

Its total over indulgence and tell her so.

Handsome Bob

Your Nan sounds as if she wants to get all the plaudits, and will revel in humiliating you in front of your mother to make herself feel wanted and important. Do nothing, the potential rant at the party will speak for itself in terms of how out of order she's been.

pookie82

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Bear in mind that it is £150 and not €150 that the OP is talking about - there's a bit of a difference there!

My bad - I thought it was 150 euro. Still, whether it's 50 or 150 the point is as a student she can't afford to contribute anything - and that needs to be out across to her nan and sis.

SarahMc

Perhaps tell her, like others have said, funds are tight etc... however, you are going to decorate the room as your contribution. Visit the pound shop and spend a fiver on balloons/banners etc. Maybe blow up old photos of her if you have access to a photocopier.

You cannot then be accused of being mean, but rather of being thoughful. (decorations will probably get more nice comments than the sausages).

MissHoneyBun

OP ask your Nan did she go around spending money on luxuries she couldnt afford back in her day? And while you're at it, ask her why she hasn't more sense at her age.

Fad

If a row breaks out after/during the party, ignore your Nan and calmly explain to your Mum.

Simple really, your mum would probably have a grasp of your financial situation and wouldnt mind at all

StormWarrior

togster wrote: »

In fairness you could have given them something towards it. 10 eur would have been a gesture. You can justify it all you want but i can see it from her point of view. I can see your side too but it's the gesture not the size of the contribution.

Unfortunately this is not the case. From the things my sister has been telling me, I know my nan will not be appeased unless I contribute a hefty chunk, about £50 to make things more equal.

StormWarrior

dudara wrote: »

That's a tough position to be in.

If you were not consulted prior to the purchase of the food, and did not agree to it, then they cannot ask you to pay. And I would have no qualms in saying no.

However, in an effort to appease everyone, I would gladly offer to be there to help with the setting up, the serving and the cleaning up afterwards. That's free from your point of view, but might defuse your Gran.

I already said, when they were planning the party, that I would help set up, but my nan doesn't think this is a big enough contribution.

StormWarrior

Fad wrote: »

If a row breaks out after/during the party, ignore your Nan and calmly explain to your Mum.

Simple really, your mum would probably have a grasp of your financial situation and wouldnt mind at all

My nan loves arguments and complaining, and will probably pick over all of my financial affairs to find something she can use against me so that she can get my mum on her side. I can already think of something she will use: Last week my pet dog was very ill, and I had to take her to the vet. The vet's bill was £80. I only had £40, and the bank would not extend my overdraft. I managed to persuade my sister to pay £10, and my mum paid the other £30. My nan hates dogs and is always complaining that we have them (even though they are in our house, and she has her own house.) When she hears that I spent my last £40 on a dog, and even worse, asked my mum and sister to cough up for a dog as well, she will be even more angry and complain even more! She will probably nag about it until everyone just agrees with her. My mum has a horse, and even though my mum pays for the horse's upkeep herself, my nan thinks it is a waste of money and nags my dad about it until my dad is driven to start nagging my mum to get rid of the horse!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

StormWarrior wrote: »

My nan loves arguments and complaining, and will probably pick over all of my financial affairs to find something she can use against me so that she can get my mum on her side. I can already think of something she will use: Last week my pet dog was very ill, and I had to take her to the vet. The vet's bill was £80. I only had £40, and the bank would not extend my overdraft. I managed to persuade my sister to pay £10, and my mum paid the other £30. My nan hates dogs and is always complaining that we have them (even though they are in our house, and she has her own house.) When she hears that I spent my last £40 on a dog, and even worse, asked my mum and sister to cough up for a dog as well, she will be even more angry and complain even more! She will probably nag about it until everyone just agrees with her. My mum has a horse, and even though my mum pays for the horse's upkeep herself, my nan thinks it is a waste of money and nags my dad about it until my dad is driven to start nagging my mum to get rid of the horse!

If she loves arguments and complaining, give her an argument. She sounds like the sort of person who will only respect you when you her exactly what you think of her to her face. And even if she doesn't, what have you lost?

And your Mum sounds like she's back you up over the specific disagreement.

Trinity

I am not taking sides. Old people have a strange way of being direct, and funny enough sometimes they are even correct They do tend to go about it the wrong way.

A party is a lovely gesture/treat for your mother, but it was your nan that turned into something more than a gesture by going ott with the money. Thats her problem, however you could throw 10 or 20 and say look i dont have it simple as that. You cant get blood from a stone! It was your choice to go to M&S Nan, we could have got it half price at Lidl, here is what i have and its your own fault you are out of pocket 90 quid.

Personally, how i feel about my mother is no amount of money is too much to spend on her. She has sacrificed everything for us and we would have piss all if it wasnt for her, she has no money, by that i mean moral support/babysitting etc. If someone asked me to contribute to a treat for her i would damn well get it somewhere.

Can you see your nan's point, you spend 80 on a dog, (your broke, you dont have it but you got it didnt you) but wont contribute to a treat for the woman that gave you life, raised you and looked after you?

Regarding the horse, you said your folks were struggling to pay the mortgage, yet feed and maintain a horse - can you see how that looks to an outsider - the simple solution is to get rid of the horse saving x amount of money.

To some people things are black and white. I myself love my animals and wouldnt part with them for the world so i am not taking sides.

But 10 or 20 pound, regardless of what your nan says or thinks, is not too much to ask. I think if you go in with the attitude I dont see why i should contribute or i am not contributing wont do yourself any favours in the long run. Particularly when its something as special as your mothers 60th birthday.

StormWarrior

I want to think of some way to make my nan not start the argument though. It won't be very nice for my mum, at her own surprise party, to have to listen to her mother going on about how selfish her daughter was in refusing to contribute, then to have to listen to me going on about why I couldn't, and my nan then arguing this, etc.

Trinity

StormWarrior wrote: »

I want to think of some way to make my nan not start the argument though. It won't be very nice for my mum, at her own surprise party, to have to listen to her mother going on about how selfish her daughter was in refusing to contribute, then to have to listen to me going on about why I couldn't, and my nan then arguing this, etc.

Ring your nan prior to the party. Telll her her money and gesture are not worth a thing if she ruins the party by turning it into a row in front of your mother.

StormWarrior

Trinity1 wrote: »

I am not taking sides. Old people have a strange way of being direct, and funny enough sometimes they are even correct They do tend to go about it the wrong way.

A party is a lovely gesture/treat for your mother, but it was your nan that turned into something more than a gesture by going ott with the money. Thats her problem, however you could throw 10 or 20 and say look i dont have it simple as that. You cant get blood from a stone! It was your choice to go to M&S Nan, we could have got it half price at Lidl, here is what i have and its your own fault you are out of pocket 90 quid.

Personally, how i feel about my mother is no amount of money is too much to spend on her. She has sacrificed everything for us and we would have piss all if it wasnt for her, she has no money, by that i mean moral support/babysitting etc. If someone asked me to contribute to a treat for her i would damn well get it somewhere.

Can you see your nan's point, you spend 80 on a dog, (your broke, you dont have it but you got it didnt you) but wont contribute to a treat for the woman that gave you life, raised you and looked after you?

Regarding the horse, you said your folks were struggling to pay the mortgage, yet feed and maintain a horse - can you see how that looks to an outsider - the simple solution is to get rid of the horse saving x amount of money.

To some people things are black and white. I myself love my animals and wouldnt part with them for the world so i am not taking sides.

But 10 or 20 pound, regardless of what your nan says or thinks, is not too much to ask. I think if you go in with the attitude I dont see why i should contribute or i am not contributing wont do yourself any favours in the long run. Particularly when its something as special as your mothers 60th birthday.

I didn't "get" the £40 for my dog, I had that amount already when the dog became ill, and do you really think paying for excess party food is more worthwhile than preventing a very sick animal from suffering?

My mum works hard and the horse is her only hobby, it is none of my grandmother's business as my mother pays for this herself. I think she is out of order for winding my dad up until he starts arguments with my mother about it.

As stated previously, I have already given my mother a birthday present and she would be very put out to hear how much they have spent. She hates wasting money on unnecessary food.

And as I said before, 10 or 20 will will not be acceptable to her. She expects me to contribute an equal amount.

Trinity

StormWarrior wrote: »

I didn't "get" the £40 for my dog, I had that amount already when the dog became ill, and do you really think paying for excess party food is more worthwhile than preventing a very sick animal from suffering?

My mum works hard and the horse is her only hobby, it is none of my grandmother's business as my mother pays for this herself. I think she is out of order for winding my dad up until he starts arguments with my mother about it.

As stated previously, I have already given my mother a birthday present and she would be very put out to hear how much they have spent. She hates wasting money on unnecessary food.

The bill was 80, You "got" the other 40 off your mum and sister. I didnt say she was correct about the horse nor the dog, i am telling you how it looks to outsiders. I am an animal lover, there is no arguing about a sick dog here, I myself have gotten loans and spent my last penny to take care of dogs out of the pound.

I am saying throw 10 pound and tell her thats the end of the arguement, you dont have it end of story. If she wants to splash it out thats her business, tell her your mother is going to be upset as it is, she will be even more upset if she is putting you under undue pressure to get money you just dont have.

Saying you dont think you should, why should i will cause more arguements.

StormWarrior

Trinity1 wrote: »

The bill was 80, You "got" the other 40 off your mum and sister. I didnt say she was correct about the horse nor the dog, i am telling you how it looks to outsiders. I am an animal lover, there is no arguing about a sick dog here, I myself have gotten loans and spent my last penny to take care of dogs out of the pound.

I am saying throw 10 pound and tell her thats the end of the arguement, you dont have it end of story.

So, by that logic, I should get the party money for my mum's party from my mum? There is no point giving her £10 as it still won't be good enough and I don't even have £10 anyway!

Trinity

StormWarrior wrote: »

So, by that logic, I should get the party money for my mum's party from my mum? There is no point giving her £10 as it still won't be good enough and I don't even have £10 anyway!

Fair enough, i didnt realise you didnt have 10 pound. All you can do in that case is speak to your nan and tell her you are going to have to tell your mum yourself about the pressure she is putting you under. Your parents of all people know you have no money, particualry if you have already borrowed for trainers, vet bills etc

StormWarrior

Trinity1 wrote: »

Fair enough, i didnt realise you didnt have 10 pound. All you can do in that case is speak to your nan and tell her you are going to have to tell your mum yourself about the pressure she is putting you under. Your parents of all people know you have no money, particualry if you have already borrowed for trainers, vet bills etc

Only prob with that is, then I would have to blow the surprise. I could tell her that if she is going to cause a scene in front of my mum then I won't go, but then I will be made out to be dreadful for not going to my mum's party.

Trinity

StormWarrior wrote: »

Only prob with that is, then I would have to blow the surprise. I could tell her that if she is going to cause a scene in front of my mum then I won't go, but then I will be made out to be dreadful for not going to my mum's party.

Thing is you dont actually do it. You just tell your nan you will. Hopefully that will stop her in her tracks. Tell her she will be ruining your mothers party if she starts on you in front of everyone so you wanna sort it now.

To quote your first post OP - technically i could give something after the party but i dont want to - that was why i tried to show you how it looked to outsiders, and why that attitude will make things worse.

Personally i would call over or phone and say i believe you are gonna have a pop off me. Say it was a nice gesture but i already said i couldnt contribute. SHE wanted M&S food so she pays M&S prices. Tell her you are broke and where does she propose you get the money? Off your mum?

I wouldnt allow anyone to put me under pressure like that, but i would at least try to see their point before going off on one. The quickest way to win an arguement is by listening, nodding, saying you understand their point then calmly give yours.

Saying you dont want to is only going to get up her back more, its like saying her daughter, your mother is not worth it.

I am not saying she is right, i am trying to see every angle she will twist it.

50 pound is a weeks salary to you, and while you shouldnt have to explain or defend yourself unfortunately it seems you have been dragged into it.

StormWarrior

But I told her already that I don't have the money. Technically I could give her something after the party, but I get only £200 a month, and that is all for other commitments, as I said before. So if I give her something from my next paycheck I will have to do without something that I need, and she won't be satisfied with a gesture like £10, she wants at least £50 which is one week's pay to me. After paying my last £40 on vets bills, I have been totally skint for last week and this week. She won't acknowledge that though, she will just see me throwing £40 down the drain and wearing new trainers and refuse to understand that I don't have cash to burn.

Sam Vimes

StormWarrior wrote: »

Unfortunately this is not the case. From the things my sister has been telling me, I know my nan will not be appeased unless I contribute a hefty chunk, about £50 to make things more equal.

here's an idea. Your nan contributed 90 but ask her what percentage of her monthy earnings that is. She's asking you to give 25% of your earnings after all, even though you've already given about 10% on the other present you got her. it's not about the actual figure given. It's about how much ou earn versus how much you give

oil painting

Hi Op,Distressing situatiuon for you to be in and i have been in many similar myself...

I think you should not pay any money toward this party. It was your Nan and Sisters thing and you have already done what you feel is right for your mums bday gift.

If i was you i would just not mention it and not pay. Try to get to the party when there is lots of others around so she cant say it to you before and then dodge her and make a quick exit till she is gone.

The next time you see her the party will be over and she will have to bring it back up if she wants to pick a fight. By that stage your mum will be on your side because she will have understood the food bought at the party.

If your Gran does pick on you openly at the party be prepared. The best way to handle someone confronting you is not to be emotional back,like try and just be calm and say gran i will speak to you about it after the party if thats ok,or i really didnt mean to offend you gran and my intentions were not bad when i couldnt afford to contribute financially to the party food,and apologise -say what ever you have to to not react to her because the n she will look like she is being agressive and childish and you will look like you are being calm.

Have you ever had as fight with her before or has your mum like this?

StormWarrior

I have never had a fight like this, but my nan is always fighting with her family members. I already mentioned that she thinks she has the right to tell my mum how to spend her money. She is not talking to my aunt (I don't know why) and she is always slagging my cousin off because she dropped out of university and got pregnant and married at the age of 20. She also argues with my sister because she is overweight and doesn't stick to her diets. But because she is old and widowed, none of us want to answer back!

Nevyn

Why don't you ?
60 is not that old and tbh she will run rough shod over the lot of ye until someone stands up to her.

seahorse

OP, you made it clear before the shopping trip that you were broke. It's not like your nan didnt know that. On top of that, she insisted on buying the most expensive highstreet food around. If it does turn into a row, and if I were in your shoes, I would point out to her that I had suggested lidl food, which there isnt a damn thing wrong with, and that there is a price to be paid for snobbery; 150 euros in this instance.

Jack B. Badd

I thing you're making a mountain out of a molehill here, OP. If she's that much of a tyrant and decides to have a go at you at the party, grow a pair and tell her where to get off. Being an oul biddy doesn't give her license to bully people and being afraid of your nan doesn't give you an excuse to let her.

sam34

Thaedydal wrote: »

Why don't you ?
60 is not that old and tbh she will run rough shod over the lot of ye until someone stands up to her.

its the op's mother thats 60, isnt it? so granny must be nearly 80.... but still, that doesnt give her right to rule everyone else's lives.


op, i remember a similar-ish situation at home, when i was only about 15 or 16. the others in my family (all older and working in decent jobs) wanted me to contribute to a birthdaay present for my father. the amount they asked of me was 2 weks pocket money . i had no part time job or babysitting etc, so my only money was this pocket money from the folks. so i told them that i'd happily give two weeks income if they all did likewise. that shut them up fairly fast!

Pub07

Just say "I have no money, I owe 2900 to the bank and I have already bought my mother a birthday present. Where do you expect me to the get this money from?" You should also seriously tell her to cop on because that is what she really needs to do, she sounds like a right auld twat.

LegacyUser

Seriously tell her to get ****ed. Nobody deserves to treat anyone the way you are being treated, even your grandmother.

bandraoi

Ring your grandmother.
Tell her you feel bad that you couldn't contribute to the cost of food for the party.
That much is true, even if you only feel bad about E10 instead of E90 like she wants.

Then ask what you can do to help out as an alternative as you really want the party to be nice for your mum.
Make a cake? Set out the food, tidy up afterwards.
There are many non-financial contributions you can make.

SarahSassy

Does she see you spending money on a night out, mobile, etc etc???

0utshined

From the OP :

StormWarrior wrote: »

On Wednesday it was my mum's 60th birthday. On that day we had a small celebration, but unbeknownst to my mum, my sister and nan have arranged a surprise party which will be held tomorrow.

Before doing this, they asked me to contribute. I said no. I gave the following reasons...

You've already told them you wouldn't be able to finance this party and given quite valid reasons for this. You even told them this BEFORE they spent a penny on it. Why would they think you've changed your mind?

If she makes an issue of it stand your ground and remind her that 1) You told her you wouldn't be paying anything towards this and 2) You have already told her why (which you didn't have to do!).

Don't be sidetracked from that and if she doesn't listen tell her you're sorry she feels that way and walk away from the argument. End of.