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Horrible housemate, what should i do?

  • 19-07-2008 3:08pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭


    Im currently living with a girl who I went to college with and work with. We only became friendly in 4th year of college, and worked together for 5months before moving in together with one other girl.She is becoming impossible to live with. When we moved in first, i was single but have since got back with my boyfriend. He and she used to get on well. She is absolutely desperate for a boyfriend and talks of nothing else. My boyfriend stays over 3 maybe 4 times a week, rarely at weekends, an she appears to have a problem with this. She was a complete bitch to me for weeks until I confronted her about it.She says he is in the house too much. I would like to point out, that he does not use any of the common living areas except the bathroom maybe (for the loo!) and the rest of the time we hang out in my room watching tv etc. We do this because I don't want the 2 girls to feel uncomfortable in the living area or to hog the tv on them etc also they are in and out every 5 mins for a smoke (me and boyfriend are nonsmokers) and the place still stinks of smoke because they leave the sliding door open. Anyway I can't really understand the problem because he doesn't get in her way, and he uses none of the facilities in the house so it doen't impact on bills etc. Personally I believe she is a bit jealous of the fact I have a boyfriend and she practically said as much to me (although she now denies saying it!) Anyway the other housemate is moving out, and she has the biggest room, i offered to my friend but she said she was happy with her room, so i then said that i would take it, and then she threw a tantrum practically saying that she did want it afterall, so we tossed a coin and i won, now she is going around sulking. She also keeps arranging for people to come and view my current room (as we have to rent that one out now) without consulting me or asking if I will even be there!!I asked her to consult me before she made apts with people for viewings (as i consult her) and she was so aggressive that it almost turned into a row. She is constantly bitching about me to people in work and our other housemate(who is moving out). The atmosphere in the house is ridiculous. She is completely unwilling to sort things out and I have tried many times while she makes NO effort. She is 2 years younger than me and completely immature.

    My problem is, I can't find another room to rent that is as nice/cheap/has parking/near to work etc so my options are to move home to my mams and commute 4 hrs (2 each way) to work every day ( I would save on rent but still have to shell out a bit for petrol), OR to stay in the house with the hope that we get a nice new housemate to change the dynamic in the house, or until my nasty housemate moves out.

    Anyone any sugestions on anything to do with the situation??


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 479 ✭✭mags16


    IMO, 3 or 4 nights a week is excessive. Can' t you go to his place? Even if he is not in the living room, he is in the house and that means he is using utilities, be it heat or hot water or breakfast etc. I share a house and am pretty careful that my bf isn't around too much.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 26 Ronaldo2


    Are you still working with her, if so its in your interest to sort things out. Does your boyfriend have his own place, maybe ye could spend a few nights at his place. From experience having the OH over for four nights a week is always going to piss off house mates regardless of whether ye are parked in front of tv or in your room. Is there any chance she might move out?


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,953 ✭✭✭DenMan


    Hi OP

    It is a very unfortunate situation for you to be in. To be honest I believe it could be a lot of factors concerning her attitude. The most obvious would be jealousy. I don't think that is the case, a hint maybe. I think it could be frustration. You did say she was having problems at work and you did say she she needs a bf in her life. This is just her way of dealing with her own issues, by taking them out on you. Seeing you with your bf probably doesn't make her feel any better.

    I know it may seem out of the blue but if the situation does not improve are there alternative options you could do, maybe rent with your bf close by to where you are currently at. She does know he has been spending a bit of time in your house and might make the situation as difficult as she possibly can for the both of you. That was very bad of her to have people come in and look around your room when you are still residing there. I hope she didn't do it on purpose but I think she may have. Maybe you should all arrange a night out for yourselves. It will allow you all to get to know each other outside of the house and she might meet someone herself. In the mean time why not pick up the paper or browse the sites looking for alternatives, I am sure there would be plenty close to where you are. I hope it all works out for you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭farreller24


    No mags he doesn't use utilities in that i don't use any extra heat/electricity etc when he is there than i would when i am there on my own. He doesn't use the bathroom except to go to the loo obviously, and he never even goes into the other rooms in the house. Most weeks he is there 3 nites, some weeks its 2 or an odd week it might be 4, 1 out of every 3 weeks he is not there at all though.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭farreller24


    Ronaldo2 wrote: »
    Are you still working with her, if so its in your interest to sort things out. Does your boyfriend have his own place, maybe ye could spend a few nights at his place. From experience having the OH over for four nights a week is always going to piss off house mates regardless of whether ye are parked in front of tv or in your room. Is there any chance she might move out?


    Im hoping she will move out or else i will have to we certainly cant go on as we are.My boyfriends place is 2 hours away so i spend weekends there so we are not in my place all the time. its too far to go and stay during the week. I have tried to sort things out on numerous occasions - she says she is ok and things are sorted but she then continues to be a complete bitch. im upset that are friendship has deteriorated so much and because we work together also but I really can't see how this has turned into such a big problem. I even offered to have the BF there less and she said ok so he is there a bit less but still she is nasty. I really do feel there is a jealousy factor involved, she practically said as much to me. Why is it that having him in my room (my own personal space) would piss her off?? I cant understand......:mad:


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  • Moderators, Arts Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 11,010 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fysh


    Do you call over to his place as often as he calls over to yours? I know it might seem irrelevant, but it's one of those somewhat awkward things when sharing a house. Some people will be cool with bf/gfs staying over regularly, others won't (I've had similar issues with people in the past). On the one hand, it's your room and your partner so why not. But on the other hand, even if you never hang out in the communal areas in the house, it's the sort of thing that does change the atmosphere in a place - it might come across as you not wanting to hang out with the other two because you think they're not good enough for you, for example.

    There's no cut and dried line between what is and isn't acceptable (unless it's specified by your landlord in your tenancy agreement) so your best bet is to sit down and try to talk things through. Try to get her to tell you what she is or isn't happy with in the house, ask her if she has a problem with your fella staying over regularly and see if she has any ideas for a compromise. It sounds like at the moment both of you are chiefly focused on what you want yourselves.


  • Registered Users Posts: 479 ✭✭mags16


    I am just trying to see it from your flat mate's point of view. If my flatmate had a partner over 4 nights in one week without being asked, I would be pretty peeved. In my situation, my OH stays one or two nights a week but not every week.

    My point with the utilities is that if you normally divide the gas bill in two, she is subsidising your bf's heating needs if he is there half of the time. Essentally there are more than 2 people living in the house.

    If she had a bf who was staying over, it would be different. There would be more equality in your living arrangements.

    I sympathise with you both. My advice would be to try and talk to each other calmly about it and come to some resolution that you are both happy with.

    Or go your separate ways.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 104 ✭✭tobiesheba


    Maybe your friend moved in with you because she really liked your company and thought that she would get to spend more time with somebody she really likes. But now she is being left to her own devices most evenings as you're cooped up in your bedroom with your boyfriend. And even if he's not in her face she still knows he's there and may possibly be wondering if ye are waiting for her to leave the common areas so ye can use them.

    On a separate note I've always found that it's really hard to live with people and then spend you're full working day with them. If you're spending home and work time with somebody they are bound to irritate you at some stage. Even married couples rarely do it!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,169 ✭✭✭Grawns


    Stop having your bf over so much or get a place together. I don't think you're being fair to the girl.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Tails142


    mags16 wrote: »
    My point with the utilities is that if you normally divide the gas bill in two, she is subsidising your bf's heating needs if he is there half of the time. Essentally there are more than 2 people living in the house.

    How does being in a house USE more heat?

    If anything it makes the house warmer without using up gas.

    I doubt he goes around turning on all the heaters, setting more hours onto the boiler timer LOL

    maybe he keeps the lightbulb on in the room when you leave it? what is it a 100W lightbult, 1kWHr is 14 cents SO make sure you boyfriend gives 14 cent into the house kitty for every 10 hours he sits in the room alone when he's in your house!!!


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Personally, i would mind if i were in her situation, seeing as you are both in your room.

    But that's besides the point, it's her house too and she has a problem with it so you need to respect her wishes.

    She may be immature about the whole thing but you're not exactly acting like the grown up yourself because you're just ignoring her.

    A compromise is needed, either you talk to her and discuss what is acceptable regarding how many nights guests are allowed stay, and this would be a household rule, not just for you.

    Or you can just start staying at your bf's more, or you can just move out and get a place with your bf.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,987 ✭✭✭✭zAbbo


    Who's the lease holder?

    3-4 nights is excessive, did you explain this when you moving in? did your housemates agree to having friends over that often?

    There's obvious resentment, but you seem to think all the problems are your house mates fault, and she probably thinks the same.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,722 ✭✭✭anotherlostie


    There is no way I would be happy with a flatmate having their other half over that much during a week.

    You say he uses no utilities. If he stays over 3-4 nights per week and lives 2hrs away, does he not use the shower in the mornings? Do you never cook him anything?

    I would totally sympathise with your 'bitch' of a friend.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭farreller24


    zAbbo wrote: »
    Who's the lease holder?

    3-4 nights is excessive, did you explain this when you moving in? did your housemates agree to having friends over that often?

    There's obvious resentment, but you seem to think all the problems are your house mates fault, and she probably thinks the same.


    Well i have to clarify most weeks its probably 3 nights and sometimes it may be 2 or a very odd time 4 max. There is no set agreement with having people over but they don't ask my permission when they have houseguests, on two or more occasions they have had houseguests stay for a week/two weeks at a time, sleeping in our living room, and using all facilities without consulting anyone.

    Also i don't think its all her fault, i have gone to her twice (as she will not come to me instead she ignores me and is horrible) and tried to compromise with her, i never used to have the bf over so much, used 2 be maybe 2 nights and he might call for an hour r two another night and not stay but because she started being nasty and ignoring me (and i didnt know why at that point) i started having him there an extra night . i did agree with her to have him there less and most weeks now its just 2 nights max 3, she agreed to this but i thought it was sorted but she is still frosty with me - we have also had a few disagreements on the back of the frostiness- but i feel she is doing things now to purposely annoy me, and i mean i have begged her to sort it out but she just point blank refuses though. it seems as though she just wants an excuse to be mad at me. i genuinley have tried so hard to sort it out, im really upset about it. i agree we are both at fault and the situation is escalating because she is unwilling to sort it out, but it is she who is unwilling to admit any wrongdoing on her part and she is bringing it into work which i just believe is immature. I did think that the only solution was for someone to move out, and now thanks to everyones opinions/suggestions it would seem that is indeed the only solution. I do however believe that she doesn't want to sort it out for other issues that she has herself. Anyway thanks a mill.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭farreller24


    There is no way I would be happy with a flatmate having their other half over that much during a week.

    You say he uses no utilities. If he stays over 3-4 nights per week and lives 2hrs away, does he not use the shower in the mornings? Do you never cook him anything?

    I would totally sympathise with your 'bitch' of a friend.

    I don't agree with ur use of the term bitch (and no he showers/eats in work) she is not a bitch, but she is acting like one in that she obviously wants me not to have him there at all, but she herself has many random houseguests so obviously i am not going to stop having him over - that would be the other extreme. Its more how she is handling the matter that annoys me because i have tried on a few occasions to sit down with her and sort it out but she refuses to discuss it or she turns it into a row and starts shouting at me, like i want to sort it out and I have stopped having him over quite so much out of consideration for her and genuinely would do anything within reason to sort it out. We agreed i would have him there less and she was happy with that but i have upheld my end of the bargain while she is still frosty with me and i think if she had a bf herself (cos she is desperate for one (her words)) that she wouldnt mind him being there Hes only there now 2 nites a week (3 the very odd time) and i stay with him or he just doesnt call over the other nites. I think there is a wee bit of jealousy in play.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭farreller24


    There is no way I would be happy with a flatmate having their other half over that much during a week.

    You say he uses no utilities. If he stays over 3-4 nights per week and lives 2hrs away, does he not use the shower in the mornings? Do you never cook him anything?

    I would totally sympathise with your 'bitch' of a friend.
    Grawns wrote: »
    Stop having your bf over so much or get a place together. I don't think you're being fair to the girl.


    I just want to add that my other housemate has no problem with bf staying over whenever, i wasn't friends with her before living together so i think there is a personal issue at play.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭farreller24


    DenMan wrote: »
    Hi OP

    It is a very unfortunate situation for you to be in. To be honest I believe it could be a lot of factors concerning her attitude. The most obvious would be jealousy. I don't think that is the case, a hint maybe. I think it could be frustration. You did say she was having problems at work and you did say she she needs a bf in her life. This is just her way of dealing with her own issues, by taking them out on you. Seeing you with your bf probably doesn't make her feel any better.

    I know it may seem out of the blue but if the situation does not improve are there alternative options you could do, maybe rent with your bf close by to where you are currently at. She does know he has been spending a bit of time in your house and might make the situation as difficult as she possibly can for the both of you. That was very bad of her to have people come in and look around your room when you are still residing there. I hope she didn't do it on purpose but I think she may have. Maybe you should all arrange a night out for yourselves. It will allow you all to get to know each other outside of the house and she might meet someone herself. In the mean time why not pick up the paper or browse the sites looking for alternatives, I am sure there would be plenty close to where you are. I hope it all works out for you.

    we have tried the nite out but to no avail. she is doing things to purposely annoy me. I have tried to sort it out and am bending over backwards but she seems to be holding a grudge or something. I really do believe she is a bit jealous. She is quite a competitive person and always wants to be better and have more than everyone else (others will tell you this too) and i recently got a new car, am very happy with my boyfriend and on a recent nite out she said to friends that she always thinks she looks well when we are going out but then she has to go out with "that" meaning me, and she feels crap because i look well.......jealousy no?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,460 ✭✭✭workaccount


    Well i have to clarify most weeks its probably 3 nights and sometimes it may be 2 or a very odd time 4 max. There is no set agreement with having people over but they don't ask my permission when they have houseguests, on two or more occasions they have had houseguests stay for a week/two weeks at a time, sleeping in our living room, and using all facilities without consulting anyone.

    Also i don't think its all her fault, i have gone to her twice (as she will not come to me instead she ignores me and is horrible) and tried to compromise with her, i never used to have the bf over so much, used 2 be maybe 2 nights and he might call for an hour r two another night and not stay but because she started being nasty and ignoring me (and i didnt know why at that point) i started having him there an extra night . i did agree with her to have him there less and most weeks now its just 2 nights max 3, she agreed to this but i thought it was sorted but she is still frosty with me - we have also had a few disagreements on the back of the frostiness- but i feel she is doing things now to purposely annoy me, and i mean i have begged her to sort it out but she just point blank refuses though. it seems as though she just wants an excuse to be mad at me. i genuinley have tried so hard to sort it out, im really upset about it. i agree we are both at fault and the situation is escalating because she is unwilling to sort it out, but it is she who is unwilling to admit any wrongdoing on her part and she is bringing it into work which i just believe is immature. I did think that the only solution was for someone to move out, and now thanks to everyones opinions/suggestions it would seem that is indeed the only solution. I do however believe that she doesn't want to sort it out for other issues that she has herself. Anyway thanks a mill.
    I don't agree with ur use of the term bitch (and no he showers/eats in work) she is not a bitch, but she is acting like one in that she obviously wants me not to have him there at all, but she herself has many random houseguests so obviously i am not going to stop having him over - that would be the other extreme. Its more how she is handling the matter that annoys me because i have tried on a few occasions to sit down with her and sort it out but she refuses to discuss it or she turns it into a row and starts shouting at me, like i want to sort it out and I have stopped having him over quite so much out of consideration for her and genuinely would do anything within reason to sort it out. We agreed i would have him there less and she was happy with that but i have upheld my end of the bargain while she is still frosty with me and i think if she had a bf herself (cos she is desperate for one (her words)) that she wouldnt mind him being there Hes only there now 2 nites a week (3 the very odd time) and i stay with him or he just doesnt call over the other nites. I think there is a wee bit of jealousy in play.
    I just want to add that my other housemate has no problem with bf staying over whenever, i wasn't friends with her before living together so i think there is a personal issue at play.

    You say it's 3 nights usually, 4 max.
    And then 2 nights usually, 3 max.

    Which one is it? 3 nights is far too much out of 5. Would really piss me off.

    It doesn't matter that the other housemate did not have issue with your bf staying over tbh.

    You say the conversations you sat down with her to have digressed into shouting...why did she start shouting?


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,021 ✭✭✭LadyE


    I think you are being totally unreasonable..this is not solely your house..its hers too.

    And why do you keep insisting she is jealous???

    Stop being so petty and have some consideration to your housemate and limit the times your boyfriend is over!


  • Registered Users Posts: 153 ✭✭coco85


    Utilities???.. talk about being stingy- he obviously uses no more heat/gas/esb then any random house guest who would call over for a cuppa and a chat!..

    The big point ppl seem to be missing is that the 'bitch' of a housemate showed the op's room to strangers without permission- girl get a lock and bolt your door shut if it means keepin that girl outta your room.That is invasion of privacy and you need to ensure she cannot take liberties like that!!!

    As for you and your boyfriend.. when i lived on campus in college a guy in our house moved his girlfriend in permanately- b/cos it was on campus there was not an issue with bills but instead of having 6 ppl share an apt there were 7 of us!!.. we generally didn't mind except when trying to sleep at night and they were being noisey in the bedroom if you get my drift...

    So what i'm saying is if you are noisey in bed then she has a case, but if ye are discrete then there should not be a prob once he doesn't hog the tv, use up all the electricity supply to the house, eat anyones food etc!!!!

    Take care and buy that lock for your bedroom!:)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,460 ✭✭✭workaccount


    coco85 wrote: »
    Utilities???.. talk about being stingy- he obviously uses no more heat/gas/esb then any random house guest who would call over for a cuppa and a chat!..

    The big point ppl seem to be missing is that the 'bitch' of a housemate showed the op's room to strangers without permission- girl get a lock and bolt your door shut if it means keepin that girl outta your room.That is invasion of privacy and you need to ensure she cannot take liberties like that!!!

    As for you and your boyfriend.. when i lived on campus in college a guy in our house moved his girlfriend in permanately- b/cos it was on campus there was not an issue with bills but instead of having 6 ppl share an apt there were 7 of us!!.. we generally didn't mind except when trying to sleep at night and they were being noisey in the bedroom if you get my drift...

    So what i'm saying is if you are noisey in bed then she has a case, but if ye are discrete then there should not be a prob once he doesn't hog the tv, use up all the electricity supply to the house, eat anyones food etc!!!!

    Take care and buy that lock for your bedroom!:)

    In your opinion???? :confused::confused::confused:


    Obviously not the opinion of her housemate :eek:


    I'm not so sure about this letting someone into your room business. If there's a potential housemate coming to look at moving into a room you show them the room. If the rooms up for let it's up for let. Why don't you move into your new room and get out of the damn room that's up for rent.


  • Registered Users Posts: 153 ✭✭coco85


    In your opinion???? :confused::confused::confused:


    Obviously not the opinion of her housemate :eek:


    Right ok, in my opinion .. i just dont see the harm in it, but i do see harm in invading someones privacy!... ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 65 ✭✭FabulousGirl


    Im currently living with a girl who I went to college with and work with. We only became friendly in 4th year of college, and worked together for 5months before moving in together with one other girl.She is becoming impossible to live with. When we moved in first, i was single but have since got back with my boyfriend. He and she used to get on well. She is absolutely desperate for a boyfriend and talks of nothing else. My boyfriend stays over 3 maybe 4 times a week, rarely at weekends, an she appears to have a problem with this. She was a complete bitch to me for weeks until I confronted her about it.She says he is in the house too much. I would like to point out, that he does not use any of the common living areas except the bathroom maybe (for the loo!) and the rest of the time we hang out in my room watching tv etc. We do this because I don't want the 2 girls to feel uncomfortable in the living area or to hog the tv on them etc also they are in and out every 5 mins for a smoke (me and boyfriend are nonsmokers) and the place still stinks of smoke because they leave the sliding door open. Anyway I can't really understand the problem because he doesn't get in her way, and he uses none of the facilities in the house so it doen't impact on bills etc. Personally I believe she is a bit jealous of the fact I have a boyfriend and she practically said as much to me (although she now denies saying it!) Anyway the other housemate is moving out, and she has the biggest room, i offered to my friend but she said she was happy with her room, so i then said that i would take it, and then she threw a tantrum practically saying that she did want it afterall, so we tossed a coin and i won, now she is going around sulking. She also keeps arranging for people to come and view my current room (as we have to rent that one out now) without consulting me or asking if I will even be there!!I asked her to consult me before she made apts with people for viewings (as i consult her) and she was so aggressive that it almost turned into a row. She is constantly bitching about me to people in work and our other housemate(who is moving out). The atmosphere in the house is ridiculous. She is completely unwilling to sort things out and I have tried many times while she makes NO effort. She is 2 years younger than me and completely immature.

    My problem is, I can't find another room to rent that is as nice/cheap/has parking/near to work etc so my options are to move home to my mams and commute 4 hrs (2 each way) to work every day ( I would save on rent but still have to shell out a bit for petrol), OR to stay in the house with the hope that we get a nice new housemate to change the dynamic in the house, or until my nasty housemate moves out.

    Anyone any sugestions on anything to do with the situation??

    If I were you I'd just move out and rent a place with my boyfriend. Between the two of you I'm sure you could find somewhere that is reasonable and in a good location for commuting.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 11,010 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fysh


    we have tried the nite out but to no avail. she is doing things to purposely annoy me. I have tried to sort it out and am bending over backwards but she seems to be holding a grudge or something. I really do believe she is a bit jealous. She is quite a competitive person and always wants to be better and have more than everyone else (others will tell you this too) and i recently got a new car, am very happy with my boyfriend and on a recent nite out she said to friends that she always thinks she looks well when we are going out but then she has to go out with "that" meaning me, and she feels crap because i look well.......jealousy no?

    TBH this post in particular makes me think that on some level you want this to be down to a rivalry between the two of ye.

    One of the crummy things about sharing a house is the communal aspect of everything, and the way that you can't do things your own way all the time. Frankly, it wouldn't matter if this girl openly said that her objection to you having your boyfriend over more than 2 nights a week was down to her belief that it would interfere in the lunar cycle - she's a tenant in the house and has a right to have her wishes respected, regardless of whether you agree with them. Don't like it? Get a place of your own.

    Now this should cut both ways with things like guests visiting for several days, etc, but most of the time it's the little things that happen regularly which will cause tension. You're the only one who can know whether it's worth trying to talk to this girl again. So you've got a pretty simple decision with some big consequences - talk to her and find a compromise of some sort that allows ye to live together again, or move out.

    It hardly needs mentioning that you're extremely unlikely to get this girl to suddenly cop to deliberately being a bitch to you and being unreasonable, then promise to mend her ways. Hell, she may well think that you're being a bitch.


  • Registered Users Posts: 81,570 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    if hes staying over 3-4 nights a week, why doesnt he just move in? Right now its just you and 1 other girl paying the rent, why cant you and your boyfriend just find a place? a cheaper place? a 1 bedroom place?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,169 ✭✭✭Grawns


    You should stop being horrible to your housemate.


  • Registered Users Posts: 636 ✭✭✭cute_cow


    Overheal wrote: »
    if hes staying over 3-4 nights a week, why doesnt he just move in? Right now its just you and 1 other girl paying the rent, why cant you and your boyfriend just find a place? a cheaper place? a 1 bedroom place?

    This seems to be the main reason, our house mate of probably peeved off that he is staying on average of 50% of the week and not paying rent. If it was supposed to be two of you, maybe ask her if she was to move in, and slpit the rent 3 ways? This might help?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭farreller24


    You say it's 3 nights usually, 4 max.
    And then 2 nights usually, 3 max.

    Which one is it? 3 nights is far too much out of 5. Would really piss me off.

    It doesn't matter that the other housemate did not have issue with your bf staying over tbh.

    You say the conversations you sat down with her to have digressed into shouting...why did she start shouting?

    Well this has been goin on for about 8 weeks and in the last few weeks since i first approached it has gone back 2 2 r 3 nites as opposed to 3 r 4.

    I was trying to point out that i think there is another reason for the girls behaviour as my other housemate doesnt have any problem with it, but I wasn't friends with her and didnt know her before moving in so we have a different relationship.

    Also I don't know why she started shouting and getting aggressive, i was offering her all sorts of compromises in an effort to sort it out and for us to go back to being friends but it was as though she wants to havesome sort of grievance with me, an excuse as such to be mean to me.

    I do sort of understand if he's there all the time its not fair but surely Im not meant to stop having him over altogether, i think 2 nights would be fair for both sides maybe?? but even though I am trying to make amends she is still being off with me....which i think again points to her having some other problem.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,660 ✭✭✭G86


    I don't think its excessive, but you probably should have tried to suss out how she felt about it beforehand. Either way if shes not happy then the only thing you can do is get a new place.

    As for showing people your room without your say so - thats not on.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭farreller24


    LadyE wrote: »
    I think you are being totally unreasonable..this is not solely your house..its hers too.

    And why do you keep insisting she is jealous???

    Stop being so petty and have some consideration to your housemate and limit the times your boyfriend is over!

    I have tried to be considerate and have tried to come to a compromise with her, and have recently reduced the nights he is there to 2 in the last few weeks one week it was 3 (but he came in after they were in bed and left before they were up). My point is she is unwilling to compromise, and she won't sit down and talk it over calmly, its hard to compromise when someone wont tell you what they want - how are you meant to meet in the middle?

    Also yes we both live there but she seems to want to have it all her own way ( and may i point out also that she herself brings home random and v noisy "guests" on numerous occasions and once for a week) and for me not to have him there at all.....surely that is not fair either? I am perfectly willing to compromise because i wouldn't purposely continue doing something i know is upsetting someone else.

    As regards the jealousy, i suppose it's hard to explain that one but others have made comments in this light, and she is a jealous type of person who likes to make others jealous by getting everything bigger and better and before the next person. That is not my opinion either that is fact and something our communal group of college friends tease her about all the time. The reason i think there is a wee bit of jealousy is that she actually said to me "imagine how you would feel if you didnt have a boyfriend and i did?"


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