Mam and boyfriend...why???

LegacyUser

OK, background of the story.

Im going about with my boyfriend (well call him John) for the last 18 months. He met my mam after a week, they really hit it off...my mother is naturally flirty with most men, so obv she was flirting away with him...he was obv very uncomfortable with it, nothing was said though. This carried on for about two weeks, she went as fat as grabbing his crotch one time..but still nothing was said, it was like the elephant in the corner..no-one said anything.

Fast forward a month, John moved in with us, due to work circumstances he had no money so it seemed like the easiest option, and we were both very happy with it.

As he wasnt working, he was home for most of the day, and as he has a speciallised job hard work was hard to come by.

So him and my mother spent alot of time together in the day as I was at work. It was a little annoyin that when I got home they were always chattig together, always has "in" jokes which I didnt get, and he would never come to bed at the same time as me. He would stay chatting with my mother until all hours. I asked him about it at the time, but all he would reply back "it's cool, she is a good girl" BUT whenever we would have little arguements he would compare me to my mother..."why are you not as easy going as her" etc etc..very disheartening.

So fast forward another 6 months, we decided to get our own place. He had been rehired with a different company so it was all cool. We were back to being "inlove" with it each othe riykwim.

My mother would call up all the time, outstay her welcome, I mean I was only home 10 mins from a long day at work and she would be there!! Pain in the ass, but it was my mother, I could tell her to stay away!

Everything since has been great for me and John, no change in sex life, getting on like a house on fire

So, last week I had to get a number from Johns phone and noticed a number in his phone..with just the letter "J"..very strange! I didnt have the opprtunity since to look through his phone (so shoot me!)..until late last ngiht....

Text messages along the lines of:

Dont forget to pick up condoms
Cant wait for later....the chair is wet thinking about it
What time is she out at?
I love her, but I love you more.

From the last message, I assumed it was a bloke...and he was gay! I was obviously devasated! My whole world crashed down, I was numb thinking about it. Cried my eyes out all night, fell into a coma on the sofa in the early hours, with that prick was in bed. I woke up this morning and John had left for a conference in Limerick. A post it was left on the mirror saying "Love you and miss you"...needless to say I smashed the mirror.

So, being female, I took the number down the night before. I was going to ring it from my phone...ask what the **** was going on...this man had MY man.

So, I dialled the number into my phone, got the fright of my life when I saw (ready?!)

Calling...

Mam

I obv hung up. Have done nothing all day, cant eat, cant walk. John hasnt ben in touch...and surprise surprise, neither has mother.

He is due back in the afternoon tomorrow..I want to confront him about this so he cant weedle his way out of this and delete the evidence.

What do I do, pack his bags? Th leese isnt out yet and I cant afford the rent. Plus the aapt is in his name.

I am so so so betrayed..my world literally crashed dow.

Ive lost my mother, the love of my life and am pretty sure ill be homesless soon.

This is turning out to be a bit of an essay..sorry. I dont know why Im writing, venting..someone to tell me it will be ok. How to get revenge?!

I want to castrate him...as for her..words cannot desribe.
I could NEVER imagine her doing this to me.

What do I do

AARRRGH

Hurting wrote: »

What do I do

Learn to stop making up stories?

Draupnir

You just got there before me dublindude, this is quite frankly the poorest fake personal issue ever.

"I mistakenly did not recognise my own mothers phone number, rather I assumed it was the number of my boyfriends secret homosexual lover."

MIN2511

Weird thread!!!!!!

Right, you may not know your mam's number(anything is possible) but are you sure? This is really depressing...

Go over to ya mam's place and talk to her!

Casshern88

its possible that the girl didnt know her mothers mobile phone number, mabey her mother is one of those people who never use their phone so op hardly ever rings her mothers mobile.
Hell i dont know my mothers mobile number off.

Sunn

Draupnir wrote: »

You just got there before me dublindude, this is quite frankly the poorest fake personal issue ever.

"I mistakenly did not recognise my own mothers phone number, rather I assumed it was the number of my boyfriends secret homosexual lover."

Maybe she is too goodlooking? Scared the lad off. Or maybe her enormous breasts gave him a stroke or damaged his eyesight.

dudara

Sunn You picked a warning in another thread recently about posting off topic. One more and you're facing a ban.

As for all the other posters, please post on topic. leave the decisions as to whether this is a worthy post or not to the moderators.

Further off-topic comments will face infractions and/or bans.

dudara

Ishindar

<snip>

The Queen

You poor poor girl... I would suggest going over to your mother pronto. Ask her straight out.

This is really a horrible thing to happen...

Casshern88

Just out of curiosity what age is your mom/ b.f.

Draupnir

OK so, on topic, you asked a question which was:

Mam and boyfriend...why???

<snip>

Either way, the answer to your question is that your boyfriend is more into your mother than he is into you, that is the simple reason why. You are more in a position to answer why than I am.

pebbles21

<snip>

dudara

pebbles21 Banned for one week.

Please PM me or one of the other mods in a week's time to ask for the ban to be rescinded.

dudara

The Sweeper

I'm interested that people assume this is a lie.

Mothers are still human beings. It's very possible the OP is 22 and her mother could be 42. Let's say her boyfriend is 25 years old.

Why do people find it so unbelievable that a 42 year old woman and a 25 year old bloke, unrelated, both attractive people, left at home together all day, would start shagging? Or even a 50 year old woman and a 22 year old bloke?

Is there supposed to be some holy, moral, unbreachable code of ethics to say the wouldn't do it because... Because of what?

The bloke probably thinks he's woken up in every man's fantasy and is secretly waiting for the threesome, and the mother's having an early mid-life crisis. Some older women are attractive to some younger men. Having a younger man can make an older woman feel fantastic - alive again, sexy, wanted.

People in lust do stupid things. If I was the OP I'd probably just cut the two of them off and go travelling. That's not advice, that's just a statement of how I'd react. I would be too outrageously disgusted by the betrayal to try and salvage a relationship with either of them - at least in the medium term. I might speak to my mother again in about five years.

AARRRGH

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

I'm interested that people assume this is a lie.

Mothers are still human beings. It's very possible the OP is 22 and her mother could be 42. Let's say her boyfriend is 25 years old.

Why do people find it so unbelievable that a 42 year old woman and a 25 year old bloke, unrelated, both attractive people, left at home together all day, would start shagging? Or even a 50 year old woman and a 22 year old bloke?

Is there supposed to be some holy, moral, unbreachable code of ethics to say the wouldn't do it because... Because of what?

The bloke probably thinks he's woken up in every man's fantasy and is secretly waiting for the threesome, and the mother's having an early mid-life crisis. Some older women are attractive to some younger men. Having a younger man can make an older woman feel fantastic - alive again, sexy, wanted.

People in lust do stupid things. If I was the OP I'd probably just cut the two of them off and go travelling. That's not advice, that's just a statement of how I'd react. I would be too outrageously disgusted by the betrayal to try and salvage a relationship with either of them - at least in the medium term. I might speak to my mother again in about five years.

Forgetting how unbelievable the story is, the OP is clearly male. The language he used and the way he structured his sentences are very masculine. Re-read what he wrote. It's a guy pretending to be a girl.

Here's an example:

"So, being female, I took the number down the night before."

A female would never write this. This is the OP trying to reinforce the idea that he is not male.

dudara

dublindude You should know by know that PI is strictly for on-topic posts and not for off-topic opinions.

Other posters Whether you think this is believable or not is a matter of your personal opinion. Stop wasting the forum space. If this is indeed genuine, then the first page is full of useless posts for someone who came here seeking help.

dudara

Firewalkwithme

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

I'm interested that people assume this is a lie.

Well for a start a very similar story was told in a Limerick courtroom recently by a woman who tried to use the excuse as a reason for getting caught drunk behind the wheel. She said she found her husband in bed with her mother so the judge went easy on her. A few days later it turned out that her husband was actually in jail at the time, so that was a lie too.

LegacyUser

Wel,, thansk for all the helpful advice

Well, firstly, I am not male. Thats DublinDube.

MAJD - yes, I am 23 and my mother is in her early fourties.

Needless to say, she is single, not with my father.

And btw, whoever called me fat and ugly...that may or may not be the case, but that should have no bearing whatsoever on my bf having it off with my mother. Thanks though.

The Sweeper

If the OP is clearly male, why's he so upset that his partner is gay?

From the last message, I assumed it was a bloke...and he was gay! I was obviously devasated! My whole world crashed down, I was numb thinking about it. Cried my eyes out all night, fell into a coma on the sofa in the early hours, with that prick was in bed.

Ishindar

<snip>

SnowMonkey

Prevouse ecperence not personall

I worked in a familly run buisness in england... run bye a hsband and wife..

the wife was elegent amazeing figure great dress sence and as sexy as hell.
I oculd aproicate her good looks and she did have a body of 30 year old...
the buisness was a resterunt.. next door was a deli and supermarket type thing....

one of the chefs under me worked with the woman very closely in the delly during the day and at night would help me...

Cut a long story short, she would Shag anything with a pulse i swear to christ she was Horney she had her profocative behavour was far from flirty.
She's now devorced with no money and living with her mother

Ie the cook under was naling her and they got caught......
so yes older women do like younger men fact.....

Op im sorry to hear your problems bt i wouldnt no where to help. its unfair that your getting hastledbecause it does happen....

FX Meister

<snip>

On a serious note though, you need to cut both of them out of your life.

FX Meister

<snip>

AARRRGH

SnowMonkey wrote: »

Prevouse ecperence not personall

I worked in a familly run buisness in england... run bye a hsband and wife..

the wife was elegent amazeing figure great dress sence and as sexy as hell.
I oculd aproicate her good looks and she did have a body of 30 year old...
the buisness was a resterunt.. next door was a deli and supermarket type thing....

one of the chefs under me worked with the woman very closely in the delly during the day and at night would help me...

Cut a long story short, she would Shag anything with a pulse i swear to christ she was Horney she had her profocative behavour was far from flirty.
She's now devorced with no money and living with her mother

Ie the cook under was naling her and they got caught......
so yes older women do like younger men fact.....

Op im sorry to hear your problems bt i wouldnt no where to help. its unfair that your getting hastledbecause it does happen....

The OP's story cannot be compared to your story. There is a huge difference between being a cheater and sleeping with your daughters partner.

Are you the OP? I think you might be...

The Sweeper

Hurting wrote: »

Wel,, thansk for all the helpful advice

Well, firstly, I am not male. Thats DublinDube.

MAJD - yes, I am 23 and my mother is in her early fourties.

Needless to say, she is single, not with my father.

And btw, whoever called me fat and ugly...that may or may not be the case, but that should have no bearing whatsoever on my bf having it off with my mother. Thanks though.

Hey OP

For what it's worth, I don't find it remotely unbelievable that this has happened to you. While it's not a problem I had in my youth, because my mom didn't have me until she was in her 40s, I did have a lot of friends with young parents - they'd be 19, parents not even 40 yet.

I REPEATEDLY heard some of my male mates complaining that one of their friend's mothers would flirt outrageously with them when they came around. I used to go around there and you'd see her, all over her son's friends - half revealing clothes, in and out all the time with trays of food and drink, using her 'mom' status as an excuse to touch them - fixing their hair, straightening their clothes, in fact really just coming onto them in a big way.

She was bored senseless in her marriage, felt unsexy and used up, and wasn't even 40 years old yet, so she abandoned all sense and behaved like she did because it made her feel wanted to watch all these youngfellas ogling her.

It's not a far step to the next stage - ACTING on it.

The problem for you is that I really don't think there's a "solution" to what's happened. This is a total train wreck.

Get out while you can, and cut contact with both of them just for self preservation. Tell them you know.

Last thing: I know this might be a horrific thought you can't get your head around, but don't be surprised if they shack up when you leave. If they really do love each other, (though tbh I reckon your mother may be in love with him, he just thinks "Woah I'm banging two birds I'm SUCHAJOCK!") they may well continue their relationship openly when you're out of the picture.

AARRRGH

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

I REPEATEDLY heard some of my male mates complaining that one of their friend's mothers would flirt outrageously with them when they came around.

It's not a far step to the next stage - ACTING on it.

Eh... yes there is.

There is a massive, massive, ridiculously massive step between flirting with your daughters partner and sleeping with him.

Loads of women flirt with me, but I'm sure most of them probably wouldn't sleep with me. Flirting is just something humans do. It doesn't always mean sexytime, ESPECIALLY IF THE RECIPIENT IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD!!

shut up!

dublindude wrote: »

Eh... yes there is.

There is a massive, massive, ridiculously massive step between flirting with your daughters partner and sleeping with him.

Loads of women flirt with me, but I'm sure most of them probably wouldn't sleep with me. Flirting is just something humans do. It doesn't always mean sexytime, ESPECIALLY IF THE RECIPIENT IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD!!

So you're saying it NEVER happens. Because unless you believe that this can NEVER, EVER happen, then what you are doing is a disgrace. Even if there is a 1% chance the poster is telling the truth, what you are doing now, by attacking their post ought to make you ashamed.

rediguana

I second the travelling option. It's easy to forget about stuff that's thousands of miles and many months away.

Your mum will always be there and, unless your mum's relationship with your boyfriend blossoms and they get married (making him your step-dad), he'll be exiting stage left before long.

SnowMonkey

FX Meister wrote: »

Thanks for the boring story and the terrible spelling.

So tell some one who care's? what your lifes so boreing you throw digs a people who can't spell ????
















thats kinda sad......


oh and the type of dyslexia I have is where i spell the word how it sounds or do you just lurk forums looking for people to insult... and remember moking people on the internet is BIG and clever
but it doesnt realy impress any one...

AARRRGH

shut up! wrote: »

So you're saying it NEVER happens. Because unless you believe that this can NEVER, EVER happen, then what you are doing is a disgrace. Even if there is a 1% chance the poster is telling the truth, what you are doing now, by attacking their post ought to make you ashamed.

Oh, I am sure it happens every now and then. There are a lot of freaks out there.

I'm simply smart enough to know the difference between real and made up.

Anyway, I don't want to be going off topic, so please PM me any off-topic questions rather than posting them here.

rediguana

SnowMonkey wrote: »

So tell some one who care's? what your lifes so boreing you throw digs a people who can't spell ????
















thats kinda sad......


oh and the type of dyslexia I have is where i spell the word how it sounds or do you just lurk forums looking for people to insult... and remember moking people on the internet is BIG and clever
but it doesnt realy impress any one...

Why should you never slag off a dyslexic dwarf?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT BIG AND IT'S NOT CLEVER.

SnowMonkey

dublindude wrote: »

The OP's story cannot be compared to your story. There is a huge difference between being a cheater and sleeping with your daughters partner.

Are you the OP? I think you might be...

dude imnot creative enough to elaberate such a story.....

I wsa only trying to contribute to the thread becaue if it is true its kinda on fair.... and just show that it can happen thats all man.. Ive been at work most of the day :eek:

RedXIV

dublindude wrote: »

The OP's story cannot be compared to your story. There is a huge difference between being a cheater and sleeping with your daughters partner.

Are you the OP? I think you might be...

Be fair, Snowmonkey posts are usually full of very good advice, he's hardly the type to start trolling in here

Dudess

Yeah SnowMonkey, it's pretty obvious you're dyslexic (that is not meant in a smart way, I'm just saying anyone with a bit of common sense would be able to see that you're trying rather than simply being careless). Take no notice of such ignorance. It's not very smart to be unable to spot when a person is dyslexic either.

SnowMonkey

RedXIV wrote: »

Be fair, Snowmonkey posts are usually full of very good advice, he's hardly the type to start trolling in here

:eek: cheers BROV......:cool:

SnowMonkey

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah SnowMonkey, it's pretty obvious you're dyslexic (that is not meant in a smart way, I'm just saying anyone with a bit of common sense would be able to see that you're trying rather than simply being careless). Take no notice of such ignorance. It's not very smart to be unable to spot when a person is dyslexic either.

nope no offence taken ive leanred to live with it ... but thanks

Wibbs

OK I care not a jot whether anyone thinks this is true or not. I don't even care whether I think its true ffs. It's here, it is what it is, so enough with the bloody troll/spelling/whatever posts. Stay on topic or go elsewhere. It's really as simple as that.

Banning etc next step.

Oh yea, read the charter. I know, I know, everyone says that, but I'm living in the vain hope someone actually 'kin does one day. End rant

herya

Hurting wrote: »

And btw, whoever called me fat and ugly...that may or may not be the case, but that should have no bearing whatsoever on my bf having it off with my mother. Thanks though.

I don't think you have many options here OP - crash with a friend, leave the two of them behind, live your life, don't blame yourself, there is no way you could have contributed to them having it off. Let your bf worry about the rent/lease, it's not your problem really.

StandnDeliver

i would imagine you feel humiliated,betrayed and devastated.

if it were me i would throw him out,or just leave.
or pack a bag leave him a note saying you have found out his secret,your leaving him.Ring work and take a last minute holiday.

Ronaldo2

I really feel for you, this is an awful situation to be in. You have been completely betrayed by the two people closest to you. the only thing to do is move out and get your own place for now and try and move on and forget about them

Aurora Borealis

Walk away and do not look back. I can not begin to imagine how you must feel. Any betrayal is bad and would have me in bits but that is the lowest form ever. Get your closest friend and get out of town for a few days. These people do not even deserve your anger.

stovelid

Draupnir wrote: »

"I mistakenly did not recognise my own mothers phone number, rather I assumed it was the number of my boyfriends secret homosexual lover."

What?

I wouldn't recognize my mother's (or father, or indeed most of my friends) number if it was displayed in front of me.

I usually just scroll to her name in the mobile and ring. Similarly, I just accept calls by her name.

Could you recognize all the numbers in your mobile?

littlebitdull

Tell him you know what is going on. Tell him he has to move out while you get yourself sorted. Tell him he has to move out for say ...two weeks.

Use that time to get a new place, you have a job, leave him then with the apartment with the with the higher rent and let that be his problem. Things will seem a bit better if you at least have your own space again.

Eventually you may be able to repair your relationship with your mother. After all its your mother, there is that blood tie there. Your relationship with him is over, or should be.

For what its worth I would not recognise my mother/fathers/sisters mobile phone number in someone elses phone.

marti101

I f the flats in your bf name just up sticks and go soewhere else.Leave them to realise that your mother may have lost her daughter for the sake of a tumble.At this stage write them both a letter it will be easier and then take off for 6 months.

chuckles30

Try and get yourself together and move out before he gets back from his conference. Do you have a friend you can stay with maybe? I know it seems unfair that you have to move out, but if the apartment is in his name then you're probably going to have to move out anyway. You need to get out of there - the last thing you want is to be hearing all the excuses.

MJOR

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah SnowMonkey, it's pretty obvious you're dyslexic (that is not meant in a smart way, I'm just saying anyone with a bit of common sense would be able to see that you're trying rather than simply being careless). Take no notice of such ignorance. It's not very smart to be unable to spot when a person is dyslexic either.

+1 Dyslexia is quite common and varies in its severity

MJOR

Sorry this has happened. Its the worst type of betrayal. You need to think on your feet and get out of there.

You mother has behaved terribly..... I'd keep her away from all future partners....

Anyone that thinks crotch grabbing of your daughters man is appropriate really is a sad old woman

Wibbs

MJOR the dyslexia angle has been done to death so stay on topic.

MJOR

Wibbs wrote: »

MJOR the dyslexia angle has been done to death so stay on topic.

Sorry! meant to put the two posts into one!

shut up!

No word from the OP. Maybe it was a troll after all.

Or maybe we just sent someone who really, really needed a shoulder to cry on, off to deal with it with an earload of abuse. Still, why take the chance, huh?

:mad::(:mad:

Nevyn

shut up! banned for off topic and unhelpful posting.