Boyfriend's disrespect for me

LegacyUser

I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months now and we get on great. He's very caring and affectionate and I really love him. I think our "bedroom life" is v. good also. But the problem is that at the weekend he did something very disrespectful for me in the bedroom and i didnt say anything about it because I was so embarrassed.

Ifeel so angry and ashamed that he would do things like that but what I am worried about is that because I said nothing that maybe he will think this kind of thing is ok now. Im much too embarrased to bring it up with him - I've always been a very "nice" girl" but now Im all worried that he will treat me badly in the future.

When I look back now after this I think that maybe sometimes before he has disrespected me too. I don't know what to do I love this man so much but I am so upset at him right now...

Beruthiel

Until you tell us exactly what he did, we will be unable to comment.

tbh

yeah, it all depends on the context. If you felt it was disrespectful, you should talk to him.

Deadeyes

As previous posters have said we need more information and it's not just a case that people are looking for a little thrill from hearing the gory details.
Your use of terms like "bedroom life" and "nice girl", would lead me to suspect you have issues or hangups regarding sex. What might be distasteful to you could possible considered perfectly normal by your boyfriend. However if it makes you uncomfortable, regardless of other people thinking it's normal, you really need to communicate this to your boyfriend.

turf

are you sure it was meant as dis-respectful? so many people have fetishes and he may have acted on it judging on your seeming approval..

Dragan

Many people like many different things....i really dount that you and your boyfriend talk a huge amount about sex for some reason so i imagine he had no idea that you might find whatever he did disrespectful.

If you can't have open and honest communication your relationship will not last.

MJOR

I'm not sure what it was as the post is vague but I'll have a shot.

I had a similiar thing happen before and you really just have to say it.

The reply I got at the time was "my last girlfriend loved it"

dudara

It sounds as if he asked you to participate in a sexual act that you were not comfortable with. We can't comment on the act, as you have not told us any more.

And what do you mean he "disrepected me before"?

I think some more detail would be helpful here. Your post is very vague otherwise.

John Mason

your post to vauge to give proper answer to but you are only together 6 months its hardly a long term relationship and he if is disrespecting you or making you feel bad about yourself, you need to tell him, if he continous you need to dump him

AnonoBoy

Speaking as a man (and I'm pretty sure I am one) the 'disrespect' that you think he showed you might in his mind be abolsutely nothing of the sort.

It could be something that he has done with previous girls who enjoyed it and he presumed you would enjoy it too.

I've had situations where girls have told me they didn't enjoy something and it's been no problem. Most guys will not try to force you to do something if you tell them you don't enjoy it. I've also had the opposite where I refrained from doing something and had the girl demand that I do X, Y or Z to her.

You really have to tell him that you don't like it and don't want him to do it again (whatever it is).

You getting into a huff and saying that he's disrespecting you isn't going to get you anywhere since he probably has no idea at all that you feel this way.

herya

If the disrespectful part was about something sexual & not to you liking - simply tell him that you did not enjoy it. You have an absolute right to try and not enjoy something, and similarly he may refuse to do something you like one day.

If it was something worse - I heard of a guy who would slap his gf's face in the heat of the moment - now that's a real problem that needs to be addressed.

Carrigart Exile

are we talking about sex in the 'wrong' place, if so it is not that unusual and hardly disrespectful. Just tell him you do not like that.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for all of your replies.

I guess I just need to talk to him about it but I feel really embarrassed even thinking about it. I'm not sure if I can!!!

I don't really know if I can go into details about it. I read about it on the internet afterwards and it has to with "doggy" position - makes me feel gross jus thinking baout it tbh.

I keep wondering is his head all full of sick thoughts and stuff now. I thin he might have v. bad fetishs.

How can I get the courgage to tlak to him?!?

Marksie

Oh now....
you mean the position or something in that position.

the name of the position is just that. If it was something done in that position i am thinking he went for anal intercourse, but that is juts a guess.

Now what IS coming across is you are unable to communicate effectively. You are also not comfortable with sex.

That we can establish.

and that is the crux of the issue.

Have you talked to your Boyfriend and does he communicate to you?

the reverse entry position is juts another and differnt way of making love, rather than everyone or the vast majority will do it as it gives a slightly different feel. There is nothing fetishistic (is that a word) nor is it sick.

If it was an attempt at anal, then disrispectful isnt the word i would use. But did he tell you? did you communicate that you didnt want to.

I am not going to say its your fault.
But you need to:

a) reexamine your attitudes towards sex and establish why you are unable to even talk about it anonymously. THis may involve you going to a therapist.

b) learn to communicate (whihc is tied in to a)

Your boyfriend needs to:

a) learn to communicate.

But first of course he has to realise that there is something wrong.

Wibbs

Deadeyes wrote: »

if it makes you uncomfortable, regardless of other people thinking it's normal, you really need to communicate this to your boyfriend.

Deadeyes sums it up really.

CapnMark

Did he smack you on the bottom? If so just tell him not to do it again.

Wibbs

CapnMark cop on and read the charter.

sparky360

Wibbs wrote: »

CapnMark cop on and read the charter.

The OP could be referring to spanking. I don''t think there was anything wrong with that!

MJOR

You just don't feel comfortable tell him......

What one person percieves as normal another may not.

Wibbs

Call it a hunch on my part. Back on topic.

CapnMark

Myself and my SO are fond of a bit of spanking. A lot of people are not fond of it at all. I was merely suggesting that it could be the issue in this case. If so, kindly ask him to refrain. As simple as. If he continues to act on it the problem is more serious and should raise more concern.

Anti

Doggy style is normal, nothing freaky,wrong or fetishism about it. Most women actually enjoy it as it can rub off the graffenburg(sp?) spot "G spot"

Wibbs

Colour me wrong. I'll slink away now....

CapnMark

Wibbs wrote: »

Call it a hunch on my part. Back on topic.

Try and refine your 'hunches' wibbs.

No offense was meant.

MJOR

Doggy style is one thing but maybe it was anal and really its only polite to ask before you try anything along those lines.

dudara

If it was "doggy-style" sex with regular intercourse, then there's nothing at all unusual about that. You may not like the position, but that's a matter of personal choice.

If it's anal sex you're referring to, then that again is not unusual for some people, but is unusual for others. Again, it's a choice that couples choose to make (together!).

What's becoming very clear is that you have a limited view of sex. You appear to have a limited knowledge of what is normal and isn't. Are you religious, or belonging to a particular religion by any chance?

Additionally, you and your boyfriend appear to difficulty communicating about sex. This isn't uncommon in couples, but you'll need to overcome it. However, if you're uncomfortable about sex in general, you're not going to get very far until you tackle your issues.

barbiegirl

Buy some books, open your mind to sex a bit. Good sex starts with communication, so if you don't like doggie you don't. For some reason with my present partner I don't, I guess I love to see his face, so even in couplings it different.
He was not being disrespectful if he went doggie, if he went spanking he was just trying something new to see if you liked it, and if he was trying anal, he really should have asked, still just say no and that will be that. No harm no foul.

madser

I agree with what others are posting here, you sound very imature to be having a sexual relationship but thats up to you, sex is about giving an recieving and you can only do that by comunicating your needs and letting him know what your comfortable with.

What you posted doesn't seem weird to me.:)

Quazzie

By the word disrespect I'm guessing that one possibility is that the guy whilst in "doggy" position might have perhaps gave her hair a small tug in the heat of the moment and she might as percieved this as some sort of assault on herself thus feeling disrespected because of it, but the major thing is that the OP really needs to try discuss what has obviously affected her so much. Whether she has issues with sex, or sexual positions is irrelevant at the moment because no matter what level of sexual awareness she is at she needs to make sure her OH is aware of that and acts accordingly.

MJOR

It's also a good idea to talk a bit about bedroom expectations. Not in an interview style but just general chat. that way you can set boundaries.

There was a thread recently about talking dirty and how the OP felt silly doing it. Loads of people like different things and its really what both aprties are comfortable with.

CapnMark

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

By the word disrespect I'm guessing that one possibility is that the guy whilst in "doggy" position might have perhaps gave her hair a small tug in the heat of the moment and she might as percieved this as some sort of assault on herself thus feeling disrespected because of it, but the major thing is that the OP really needs to try discuss what has obviously affected her so much. Whether she has issues with sex, or sexual positions is irrelevant at the moment because no matter what level of sexual awareness she is at she needs to make sure her OH is aware of that and acts accordingly.

The worst thing I find about Doggy style is the name. Doesnt sound too appealing when mentioned. Gives it a very bad reputation as something 'dirty'

Dudess

OP, it's no big deal at all - there's nothing sick about your boyfriend. It's surprising you're so unfamiliar with it and consider it so sickening. Don't think that way.

Zombrex

helppls08 wrote: »

I don't really know if I can go into details about it. I read about it on the internet afterwards and it has to with "doggy" position - makes me feel gross jus thinking baout it tbh.

I keep wondering is his head all full of sick thoughts and stuff now. I thin he might have v. bad fetishs.

How can I get the courgage to tlak to him?!?

Ok there are two issues here

Firstly, what ever this "sick" thing, if you didn't want to do it that is your prerogative. If you don't like it and don't want either him or you to do it, tell him that and say you don't want him or you to do it again.

Secondly, without knowing what it was it is hard to judge how "sick" it really is.

Sexual experimentation is relative. I knew a girl in college (not someone I slept with) who thought anything other than missionary position was disgusting and "like a porno". Fair enough, but obviously a lot of other people disagree with that, and wouldn't think it is sick or disgusting.

So I wouldn't get too on his case about how he "disrespected" you (again it is hard to judge properly without knowing what he did)

He obviously did something you don't like. How fetish that was depends on what it was. Everything from a finger up the bum, to eating a turd, some one out there likes that.

So the point is, you don't have to like it, and there is two of you in this so if you aren't game that is perfectly fine. Tell him, and you have a right to expect him not to do it.

But calling your boyfriend sick and disgusting because of his sexual fantasies seems to me to be really the disrespectful thing here.

Anti

OP unless your boyfriend tried to either "Fist" you or give you a "Donkey Punch" relax. Or did he just spew the man goo all over your back or something ?

Moar info is needed !

LegacyUser

OP,

Your boyfriend did something that other women he has been with probably enjoyed etc. You seem to be childish in your approach to sex if you are unable to actually speak with him about something you did not like or even post about it.

I am expecting some sort of big shock like he tried to fist or tried something out of the ordinary. But to most people doggy style is perfectly normal (and very enjoyable) and so is anal sex. Your inability to convey what happened even anonymously on a forum shows your own hang-up's about sex as a downside to your relationship.

Some more information and a bit of description would be more welcome. Did he hurt/abuse you? Did he pull out and ejaculate over you? Did he slip it in the brown? Many of these things are normal for some people, for others (clearly liek yourself) they are "disgusting".

humanji

OP, did he force himself on you? I would of thought that if you had a problem with what he was doing, you could of stopped it.

Reku

OP, your inability to articulate what he did leaves me thinking that perhaps you are not mature enough to be having sex at all, never mind experimenting with it, especially if you can't even muster the resolve to talk it over with your boyfriend, explain how you feel about it and ask him about these "v. bad fetishs" you're concerned about. If you've been seeing each other long enought to have an established "bedroom life" you've been seeing each other long enough to talk about what kinks each of you are turned on by or willing to try.

LadyE

I also agree that you dont come across as mature enough to have sex.

What would yo consider "not sick"? Missionary all the time>?

I think its high time you sat your boyfriend down and had a talk with him about this...you dont want him to feel like a perve with a normal position that you consider sick and alot of other people do during a session.

If it feels that wrong to you, then explain to your boyfriend why, and hopefully he will be understanding. But imo...this isnt sick?! Is it the name? What?? I actually dont understand this?

There is a deadly little book (cant remember the name off hand and cant check in work, will post it later) about all the millions of positions and lots of writing and explaination about them - so maybe give that a read before you go around branding stuff "sick".

dudara

I don't like this labelling of the OP as "immature". I don't want the OP to feel attacked or belittled. She came here looking for some advice, so take it easy.

I do feel however though, that she is ill-educated with regard to sex (OP - feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).

dudara

Anti

The more i think about this thread the more i think its a troll. Reason being, i dont think anyone is this immature/ill-educated in regards to sex.

If its not a troll, op speak to your fella and let him know what you are comfortable with, and what you are not. Maybe in time you will become more confident about your sexuality.

dudara

Anti wrote: »

The more i think about this thread the more i think its a troll. Reason being, i dont think anyone is this immature/ill-educated in regards to sex.

They may be so if they belong to certain communities or are quite religious. We simply don't know.

LouOB

You have other 'entries' back there

So BF can use the cat flap without opening the back door - if you get me!!!!

Phlann

lol@ the wild speculation in this thread.

Tbh I think I know what he might have done, something that most girls find very degrading but that guys have seen in pornos and want to replicate... surprisingly, nobody seems to have mentioned it yet... but anyway I'm not gonna get involved in that.

OP - you've already got all the advice you need. You don't like it, tell him. He won't know otherwise.

helimachoptor

Anti wrote: »

OP unless your boyfriend tried to either "Fist" you or give you a "Donkey Punch" relax. Or did he just spew the man goo all over your back or something ?

Moar info is needed !

Agreed, and even some people think what Anti said is standard stuff, but they're the really freaky people:D

Op we can be of no more help unless further info comes along.

Nevyn

If you think a post is a troll report it do not clutter up the thread and post off topic
as unhelpful and off topic posting will get you banned.


If anyone was to attempt something sexually which had not been talked about with me so they had no idea if it was something I would consent to or not I would be upset by their lack of regard and respect for me and while I would get angry the op has gotten upset.

It may have been a sexual activity that upset or it may have been a comment or a change in his demeanor which has made her feel hurt upset and disrespected.

There are a lot young of guys out there that think that while having sex it is acceptable to make comments like they have seen in porn. Saying " woah yeah baby take it" while slapping your partner on the ass or grabbing their hair while in doggy position maybe the way to do it in sexy slutty nurses 4 but when in bed with another person it is better to talk to them about such things before hand.

When copulating in any position when you can not see your partner's face you can miss a hell of a lot from the delight on their face to them starting to get annoyed or upset so checking that the person they are ok is needed, also if your partner does or says something that you are not happy with or you find upsetting or offensive you have to be able to halt the action if needs be and call them on it.

You have to be able to respect yourself enough to tell someone if they are doing or attempting to do or saying something you have an issue with and think is out of order esp in the bedroom.

If you don't tell him how will he know ?

Irishcrx

CapnMark wrote: »

The worst thing I find about Doggy style is the name. Doesnt sound too appealing when mentioned. Gives it a very bad reputation as something 'dirty'

True, it's like in that film knocked up.

Your man: Well, why don't we just do it doggy style?
Your aun: NO! I don't want to be bent over just so you can mount me like a dog...

Zombrex

Anti wrote: »

Reason being, i dont think anyone is this immature/ill-educated in regards to sex.

Anti, these are my ex-girlfriends

Ex-girlfriends, this is Anti

Good that you could all meet

:pac:

smartypants

hes not a minder reader OP, if he did what we all think he did...well thats quite normal and something i would say 90% of sexually active people enjoy. maybe your just very prudish...we cant possible comment. But if you felt it disrespectful to you well then thats the bottom line..but you need to communicate that to him...i say again he aint no mind reader.

WilmaRidesAgain

Phlann wrote: »

lol@ the wild speculation in this thread.

Tbh I think I know what he might have done, something that most girls find very degrading but that guys have seen in pornos and want to replicate... surprisingly, nobody seems to have mentioned it yet... but anyway I'm not gonna get involved in that.

OP - you've already got all the advice you need. You don't like it, tell him. He won't know otherwise.

Spill the feckin batchelors spoilsport.....?

Nevyn

Right this is the last warnign being issued in this thread the next off topic and unhelpful post after this one earns a ban, end of.

smartypants

was he singing sussido from behind?