Irish mammy syndrome

LegacyUser

For anyone that doesn't know what it is its where mammys mother their precious little boys well into adulthood and these mammies beleive that their boys can't do anything for themselves.

I'm 24, female with a few brothers and our mam has always treated us differently, since we were kids. My brothers were allowed to do everything like going to parties and discos but i was never. I was never given a proper excuse and was always told that boys will be boys, and lads will be lads.

As adults now its worse then ever. I feel so hurt that my mam would care more for me if i was male. I've always treated her with some respect but she pretty much hates me and she can't make it any more clearer.

If anyone has any irish mammy sydrome cases to share with me that would be great. Just to cheer me up a little i suppose and to see if i have it bad at all.

The sooner my brothers finds women, get married, and have a wife the better. Mothers energy and nasty remarks might go towards those poor women instead of at me.

The_Conductor

Sounds tough Peppa......

I've a few friends in a similar situation- happily most of them are a lot closer to their fathers than they are to their mothers, which does compensate to a certain extent. It isn't fair though, and cannot be excused. Ultimately you will probably have to talk to your mother as an adult to an adult, hopefully she will respect you enough to see what she has been doing and change the way she views you. At the end of the day- a lot of people simply don't have it in them to change though, unless something particularly life changing comes about that forces them to re-evaluate their priorities.

Take care,

S.

Grawns

Sounds a horrible situation. My grandmother ( my dads mother) was like that with my brother. She couldn't have made it more obvious that we were inferior to him in her eyes. We all lived together but luckily my parents were normal. It just made made me dislike my Nan ( and my brother) so all in all it was a very negative experience.

The irony was that when she was sick ( with motor neurone) it was the woman of my family (especially me and my Mother - her much maligned daughter -in-law) who were the primary caregivers. The men weren't around or weren't up for it. I ended up forgiving her for her weaknesses and we were close before she died. ( She still got a dig at my mother from beyond the grave by not leaving her a keepsake in her will - everyone else got something and I mean old friends and randomers). I loved her but she was a mad cow!

DenMan

Hi OP

Sorry to hear about your current situation. I am not sure if the term "Irish Mammy Syndrome" is correct though. I think the same could be said of Mothers all over the world, being over-protective of the children, especially their daughters. If she didn't act that way then maybe you would worry. Have a talk to her, tell her how you feel and explain to her what you would like to do for your weekend plans etc. Have her meet some of your friends (male and female) at home, have a few drinks, chat etc. Then maybe she will get to know your friends a bit better and may give you a bit more freedom to do the things you want to do instead of your current feelings, as if you are being weighed down by an anchor. Just my 2c. Hope it works. Good luck.

Nevyn

Daughters get pregnant and sons don't, this fact is the reason that lads were allowed to be lads and girls were kept under a closer eye, yup it's archic but a lot of older people still feel that way.

Did you ever stop to think that your mother was brought up with those same values and made to feel lesser to any of her male siblings and to other men ?

Stop and think for a moment about what her self estmee is like.
What where her dreams and ambitions before she got married and had to do for you and the rest of the family ?

Could she be in her own way preparing you for the fact that as far as she is concerned the world has not moved on that much and you will end up where she is and if you are not ambitious you will not end up disappointed ?

Yes I know that sounds fúcked in the head but if you can figure out where this stuff is coming from then you can work on your counter arguments and hopefully learn about her so that you can deal with her better.

And really if it is her house her rules then you are 24 and should look at moving out.

Grawns

Do you know what I think is really creepy, when daughters are expected to iron the sons clothes. Makes me puke thinking about it. It's like getting them ready to be servile to men for the rest of their lives.

I feel really bad for the OP and her family as the mother is fecking everyones attitude up. My own Dad treated his mother like a leper because she tried to control him with her mammying.

Jack B. Badd

peppa wrote: »

For anyone that doesn't know what it is its where mammys mother their precious little boys well into adulthood and these mammies beleive that their boys can't do anything for themselves.

Man, I love Irish mammys and their major contribution to the ongoing production of generations of Irish men who effectively can't wipe their own arse without someone holding their hand. Not too sure if this is part of your issue, OP, but if it is you should be thankful you can take care of yourself - by virtue of being female of course :rolleyes:

Phototoxin

Man, I love Irish mammys and their major contribution to the ongoing production of generations of Irish men who effectively can't wipe their own arse without someone holding their hand. Not too sure if this is part of your issue, OP, but if it is you should be thankful you can take care of yourself - by virtue of being female of course

I agree I know a 40 year old who cannot cook for himself :eek:

I admit that while Im at home from uni my mum does cook and I do get fed but i can feed myself aswell! However to have someone who is incapable of feeding themselves is a bit silly.

The Mighty Ken

Enough misandry. Irish Mammy syndrome is no more prevalaent Than Irish Daddy's Bitchy, Spoilt Little Princess syndrome.

Jack B. Badd

Phototoxin wrote: »

I agree I know a 40 year old who cannot cook for himself :eek:

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

Enough misandry. Irish Mammy syndrome is no more prevalaent Than Irish Daddy's Bitchy, Spoilt Little Princess syndrome.

At least Daddy's Bitchy, Spoilt Little Princess isn't going to starve to death if Daddy goes AWOL for the weekend

The_Conductor

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

At least Daddy's Bitchy, Spoilt Little Princess isn't going to starve to death if Daddy goes AWOL for the weekend

Don't bet on it......

Fysh

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

Enough misandry. Irish Mammy syndrome is no more prevalaent Than Irish Daddy's Bitchy, Spoilt Little Princess syndrome.

As a fella, I have to disagree with this. I've met far more guys who are barely able to look after themselves well into their 20s than girls, and it does partly seem to be down to being looked after by the mammy to a greater or lesser extent.

Dudess

peppa wrote: »

but she pretty much hates me and she can't make it any more clearer.

In what way?

Mothers energy and nasty remarks might go towards those poor women instead of at me.

What kind of stuff?

It doesn't seem like she hates you at all, just has that mindset ingrained in her. Yeah my gran practically wiped her sons' asses. My dad and two uncles are pitiful round the house - even the guy who was a bachelor until his late 40s and didn't have anyone to do all the domestic chores before he moved in with his wife. My aunts, on the other hand, are domestic godesses.

My dad's fantastic for doing "manly" jobs though - what about your brothers?

amoeba_girl

Enough misandry. Irish Mammy syndrome is no more prevalaent Than Irish Daddy's Bitchy, Spoilt Little Princess syndrome.

I don't think that's an irish thing, that's much more prevalent elsewhere in the world, I've rarely come across it in Ireland...

Though to the OP, I know what you mean, I hate that thing, and a lot of Irish mammies still do it. Luckily, I come from a house where everything is pretty much 50/50, both parents work and equally cook and clean, and anything else that needs to be done.

It's when I visit my granny, or certain uncles, and if you're in the house they expect you to make dinner, and clean up and everything after the 'men'. Most of them won't even wash a dish, OR put it in the dishwasher, it's like that's for the women to do.

What's worse, is when they see that I'm not impressed by it they make a joke of it, and be twice as bad. I think though it's a bit of a disgrace when grown men can't take care of themselves.

..... though maybe worse than that is the women who encourage this behaviour... they make it so much harder for the rest of us.

tritium

Fysh wrote: »

As a fella, I have to disagree with this. I've met far more guys who are barely able to look after themselves well into their 20s than girls, and it does partly seem to be down to being looked after by the mammy to a greater or lesser extent.

Personally I think the Irish Mammy/ Spoilt little daddys princess is fairly endemic to the Irish way of life OP, with the latter increasing due to the Celtic tiger. Just be thankful that you've had to learn how look after yourself, because the end result of the Irish Mamm/daddys priness syndrome is generally a fairly socially inept and incapable creature. I know plenty of guys in the 30's who couldn't cook to save their lives, I know plenty of ladies in that age range whose only ambition ever has been to marry a well to do man and stay at home - to me both situations are pretty sad (just my opinion). In many of these two groups the people are frankly slobs, so where they think someone else is going to come along from and look after them is beyond me, since they're not what you'd call a catch.

In your own situation you don't make it clear how she shows that she hates you. If its just that you're treated differently i may well just be as others have said that she has a slightly old fashioned view of men and womens roles. If this is the case you are unlikely to be able to change her even by making her aware of your feelings I'm afraid. If its something more blatant then you may be able to address this with her or at least get to the root of why.

Ultimately moving out (if you haven't already) and having your freedom may be the best approach, since at least then you don't have to answer to your parents and have some say as to the level of interaction you have with them.

Hope it works out for you

jesus_thats_gre

Lol this is rediculous.. My ould fella thought I was a little bastard but thought the sun shined out of my sisters arse. My mother thought I was her little angel but thinks my sister is a little bitch.

It happens in virtually every household in my experience.

deisemum

Peppa I feel your pain.

I have 7 sisters and 1 brother, guess who believes he's god.

He always got everything he wanted and we had to wait on him. When it came to mealtimes my Dad and my brother were always the first to get their dinner. Some of my sisters had to wash my brother's hair before he went out at night, iron his clothes, run his bath. I could go on.

My mother has totally ruined my brother but he's so fu**ed up in the head thinking he's better than the rest of us. I'm glad to say that a lot of women are no longer prepared to tolerate that sort of sh1te including my ex-sister in law who did the right thing in baling out.

If women don't have self-respect for themselves then why should any bloke respect them. These type of mothers have to take some responsibilty for nurturing such "prizes" who then get into relationships and get a rude awakening when the wives or girlfriends will not put up with such crap. Even worse are the mothers who tell their sons that their choice of wife/partner isn't good enough for their precious darling. God you'd get more use out of a chocolate tea pot.

Because of the sort of sh1te I had to put up with I'm doing everything in my power to raise boys who can cook and look after themselves. They're 12 and 10 and both can cook a few different dishes so far, cleaning is a work in progress. More importantly I'm teaching them to have respect for females and to treat them as equals.
Their dad is "trained" at this stage so they have a good role model who's able to look after himself.:rolleyes:

Bob the Builder

I'm 16, and i get the same impression at times.

my mother never trusted me or let me go anywhere for fear that my friends were all scumbags of the earth. last february, myself and my friends went through a very tragic experience of losing two friends. it was at this stage that, as if we weren't good enough friends already, we had now become a crutch on each other. my mother soon realised this, and began to trust me, and realised that my friends weren't scumbags at all really, and now i can say that i'm allowed much more freedom than ever before.

at the same time, i realised it was time for me to cop on, and to gain a certain level of independance for myself, to which i have done. i now walk to wherever i want to go much more, and have a good job, so i look after myself.

My suspicion is that your mother has some fear, that isn't directly related towards you, but does have an impact. perhaps she fears that you are too dependant on home, or that you are not sensible enough. and once again, i would like to remind you that whatever she does feel is not directly caused by a rejection or hatred of you.

there are times when i feel that my mother has favouritism towards my other siblings rather than me, but, IMO, the problem may lie in the fact that your mother feels the 'men in the house' are much better able to handle the outside world. i would recommend that you grab a couple of sheets of paper. 1 piece of paper for each bullet-point:

• why you feel your mother treats you differently / hates you
• why you feel the way you feel about your mother
• what privelages you don't have that your brothers do
• and vice-versa
• what you feel is the solution to the problem, or, at least what you feel would be the solution to the problem.

it sounds stupid, but, trust me, it will clear up a lot of problems, and enable you to think more clearly.

I don't think it is sad for either sex to aspire to work at keeping a home and rearing a family.

Bob the Builder

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't think it is sad for either sex to aspire to work at keeping a home and rearing a family.

I think a bit of housework on both sides, is no harm and strikes a good balance, both in the house, and as a role-model.

DetectivFoxtrot

@ Peppa, my husbands mam is like this. He has only one sister, no brothers. From the first day I met his mother (nearly 15 years ago) I noticed 'the syndrome'. I was shocked as we were all treated equally in my family - no one was favourite for being boy/girl....
His sister had to do all the housework and was generally not treated as well as my husband - in terms of praise, freedom to do as he pleased etc., I thoguht it was VERY unfair and hugely sexist. The mam didn't treat her like that because she loved her any less but it did come across that way sometimes.. Now we are all grown up (I was in my teens when I first met my now husband) and moved on the mam still treats her like this, and my husband is still 'golden boy', can do no wrong etc. - it's mad! We have a laugh about it (me and him) but I know his sister has a bit of a complex about it.....
He didn't turn out to be one of those Mammy's Boys thank god and even does all the cooking etc.!

I don't have any advice for ya, just wanted to share my experience of it!;)

tritium

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't think it is sad for either sex to aspire to work at keeping a home and rearing a family.

Agreed, whats sad is when the aspiration is to marry someone who'll be your personal slave/ bank manager and give up on life to be taken care of, whether that involves sitting at home doing some level of nominal farting about and shopping or expecting your other half to wash cook clean and iron after you (and I know members of both sexes who fit into each category). In my experience too many folk have taken this option and if pushed on it the arguement is always the "sure I work hard at x, shouldn't I have some things done for me/ be able to relax" - short answer is no, since the world doesn't actually owe anyone a living.

Before people get indignant, I realise that there are a) many husbands/wives/partners who work damn hard in the home to raise families, and b) many husbands/ wives/ partners who also work damn hard in the 9 to 5 or later - I'm not refering to them, and its good to see that many posters aspire for their kids to be functional, self sufficient human beings who actually contribute. To my mind the Irish mammy/ spoilt princess thing is one of the worst things you can give to your child, since sooner or later reality has to hit in, and it seems to be an extremely damaging trait for ones long term happiness since it often denies the child the chance to develop a sense of responsibility.

Jack B. Badd

To be honest as much as I laugh about the Irish Mammy Syndrome, I think its' actually quite a sad situation especially in the extreme cases where you do end up with grown men who can't take care of themselves on a basic level. Traditionally there seems to be a cultural expectation in this country that men would be taken care of by their mammys until they move out of home and get married and then they'd be taken care of by their wives. I think things have moved on in most circles but in quite a few areas/families that expectation is still being fuelled, by mothers in particular, despite the fact that the reality of our society is moving further and further away from this. There are still mammys' boys expecting that women will do all their cooking and cleaning and hand-holding and fewer and fewer women who are content to do this. The disparity with reality has to be causing problems for these men. It's a bit sad really.

As for Daddy's Little Princess Syndrome, I think it's much less prevalent than Irish Mammy Syndrome but is on the increase in affluent areas due to the upturn in the economy over the past few decades. It's equally problematic of course because you end up with women who's greatest aspiration in life is to be taken care of and probably few enough men who are willing to put up with that bullsh*t.

Just realised the above is probably not so suited to PI as humanities but the same could probably be said for most of the thread...

LegacyUser

Hi OP.intertesting topic of conversation,and as a femininst myself i feel that gender equality is not fully balanced in our generation yet...but i am not a negative feminist,i feel there is a lot of other areas which are thriving,but as a female i like to respect our virtues as they are just as important as mens,and in this situation there are certain rules for men and different rules for women.

if you notice throughout history we have lived in a patrichcal society where the mans mindset had been the leading one,it is balancing out now and is much needed in the over all picture of the world because too much of one genders thinking has negative consequences for all .....

i came from an all female household and my mum was a single mum,i knew from an early age that i would never be a mans slave,because i never had a dad i always watched a strong woman care for us and protect us...

i did visit my dad from time to time and he was very traditional,he has lived with his mammy all his life and just drew the dole,i never saw a man in a strong role so i never expected one to look after me.MY nanny cooked and cleaned and ironed his knickers for him. Everytime we would go visit him he expected us to pick up the hoover and clean for him,and iron his clothes,and tell us how selfish and un helpful we were ...we used to just laugh at him! and never did it.

i would look at your situation objectively. You are not loosing out here,you know how to depend on yourself,and care for yourself,your brothers are missing out on all of these valuable skills for later in life,you have not lost out but you have gained.

so if you want to look at it like -who does your mum love more? the girl who your mum has taught how to be self sufficent,or the boys who she has taught to be self reliant on a woman.

i can understand how hurtful her behaviour is but when you realise later in life that your mother is doing all she knows how to do and the best that she can do you will be free in yourself that you only need your own opinion of yourself to succed in life.

this may sound strange but parents are only people and you have the right to live YOUR life the way you want to,let your mum continue to be the traditional woman that she is,you can re define your relationship with your mum where you dont feel like you need her love anymore,like parent yourself for that and anything else is a bonus,and then when you are around your family try and get the best out of them.

here is a favourite quote of mine..“My idea of feminism is self-determination, and it's very open-ended: every woman has the right to become herself, and do whatever she needs to do.”

Grawns

deisemum wrote: »

Peppa I feel your pain.

I have 7 sisters and 1 brother, guess who believes he's god.

He always got everything he wanted and we had to wait on him. When it came to mealtimes my Dad and my brother were always the first to get their dinner. Some of my sisters had to wash my brother's hair before he went out at night, iron his clothes, run his bath. I could go on.

My mother has totally ruined my brother but he's so fu**ed up in the head thinking he's better than the rest of us. I'm glad to say that a lot of women are no longer prepared to tolerate that sort of sh1te including my ex-sister in law who did the right thing in baling out.

If women don't have self-respect for themselves then why should any bloke respect them. These type of mothers have to take some responsibilty for nurturing such "prizes" who then get into relationships and get a rude awakening when the wives or girlfriends will not put up with such crap. Even worse are the mothers who tell their sons that their choice of wife/partner isn't good enough for their precious darling. God you'd get more use out of a chocolate tea pot.

Because of the sort of sh1te I had to put up with I'm doing everything in my power to raise boys who can cook and look after themselves. They're 12 and 10 and both can cook a few different dishes so far, cleaning is a work in progress. More importantly I'm teaching them to have respect for females and to treat them as equals.
Their dad is "trained" at this stage so they have a good role model who's able to look after himself.:rolleyes:

I'm trying not to vizualise you and your sisters washing his hair, while I throw up. It's like your Mother wanted you to dislike him so she could have her little man all to herself. Pukey!

The Mighty Ken

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

At least Daddy's Bitchy, Spoilt Little Princess isn't going to starve to death if Daddy goes AWOL for the weekend

It's not hard to feed yourself with access to Doddy's platinum card. Or they can always get the Dort into town and get some yummys in Morks and Spencer after splashing out on some Prada in BT. Yah!

The_Conductor

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

It's not hard to feed yourself with access to Doddy's platinum card. Or they can always get the Dort into town and get some yummys in Morks and Spencer after splashing out on some Prada in BT. Yah!

In all fairness- M&S is handy- after a 10 hour day knowing the housework is still ahead of you at home, its a shortcut to getting someone edible on the table for dinner. Not excusing Daddy's little princess- but the rest of us do take shortcuts too...... Some people really couldn't be arsed even going to M&S though.......

The Mighty Ken

smccarrick wrote: »

In all fairness- M&S is handy- after a 10 hour day knowing the housework is still ahead of you at home, its a shortcut to getting someone edible on the table for dinner. Not excusing Daddy's little princess- but the rest of us do take shortcuts too...... Some people really couldn't be arsed even going to M&S though.......

Haha. I know. I'm just back from M&S myself. That wasn't my point.

To be honest, I don't know any grown man that's still tied to his mother's apron strings. I wouldn't have any respect for someone that pathetic and helpless. I know plenty of Celtic Tiger Bitches unfortunately. So I guess I just take massive exception to the assertion that there's something endemically wrong with Irish men and not Irish women... because if we're going to generalise...

Dee369369

That must be terrible OP but you should talk to her about it i always got that when i was younger that my brothers were allowed do more than me, more freedom etc but i sat them down explained that i deserved the same and that i'm smart enough not to get myself in bad situations and it all changed.
but it really is a problem my brother was in america 2years ago,he was 21 at the time and had to ring home to find out how to boil a potato cos none of his friends knew either!

Grawns

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

Haha. I know. I'm just back from M&S myself. That wasn't my point.

To be honest, I don't know any grown man that's still tied to his mother's apron strings. I wouldn't have any respect for someone that pathetic and helpless. I know plenty of Celtic Tiger Bitches unfortunately. So I guess I just take massive exception to the assertion that there's something endemically wrong with Irish men and not Irish women... because if we're going to generalise...

I thought what we were saying is there's something wrong with some Irish Mammys! In my situation my Dad was raised by such a one but rejected her and her mammying. My brother fell hook line and sinker for my Nans shenanigans and now has no relationship with his sisters.

Jack B. Badd

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

So I guess I just take massive exception to the assertion that there's something endemically wrong with Irish men and not Irish women... because if we're going to generalise...

Ah god bless, projecting much? If this thread is highlighting anything here it's more along the lines that there's something wrong with women who in this day and age are still stuck in the stereotypical "Irish Mammy" mold - and there are quite a few! If anyone is the victim of this crap, it's the sons who haven't been taught to take care of themselves and then struggle in the real world. And no-one's saying that this is all Irish men but it's a pretty significant minority. But I guess it's harder for you to display a knee-jerk reaction over that :rolleyes:

The Mighty Ken

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

And no-one's saying that this is all Irish men but it's a pretty significant minority. But I guess it's harder for you to display a knee-jerk reaction over that :rolleyes:

Ah yeah, the old roll eyes emoticon. Haven't seen that before. If anything, this thread is a generalisation. You say a significan minority, I would claim you're wrong. It's a tiny minority. I've certainly never met any grown man like this.

Nevyn

Thats nice The Mighty Ken I know of several.

deisemum

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

Ah yeah, the old roll eyes emoticon. Haven't seen that before. If anything, this thread is a generalisation. You say a significan minority, I would claim you're wrong. It's a tiny minority. I've certainly never met any grown man like this.

I'd say how many you meet could have something to do with your age ie, I'm in my 40's so 20+ years ago there were a hell of a lot of mammies boys compared to now, well I hope that's the case. I just hope things have improved, I'm doing my best to change things

The_Conductor

From personal experience- most of the males inflicted by the Mummy'ing seem to be in the late 30s/40s and even older. Very few younger males fall into this category. However the inverse is true regarding spoilt princesses- they appear to be at least a generation younger- maybe more.......

DenMan

smccarrick wrote: »

From personal experience- most of the males inflicted by the Mummy'ing seem to be in the late 30s/40s and even older. Very few younger males fall into this category. However the inverse is true regarding spoilt princesses- they appear to be at least a generation younger- maybe more.......

Thanks for that smccarrick as I fall into the latter. I am grateful to my parents for all they have done to help me, but I am very much self sufficient and can take care of my one self thank you very much! I even know how to load the dishwasher, lol.

littlefriend

OP - her attitude towards you is because of how she feels about herself and her role as mother and wife.
This is a piece written about a book called 'The Four Agreements'. The book itself isn't a great read but the points it makes are very good ----

(2) Don't Take Anything Personally. There is an awful lot of negative energy out there and some of it is directed at us by other people. If you take it personally and take on the poison of another's words, it becomes a very negative agreement you have with yourself. What anybody thinks about you, or says about you, is really about them. Not taking it personally allows you to be in relationship with anyone and not get trapped in their stuff. This agreement can also pertain to things that we take personally that cause us to go into upset.

(3) Don't Make Assumptions. What we think we understand about what someone says, how someone looks at us, what someone means by what they do, etc, may often not reflect reality at all, and more often than not lead us to think badly of ourselves or of others, and reinforce not being impeccable with our word.

I spent literally years worrying about things ppl said to or about me or how they treated me - reading this book brought me forward a lot on how I thought about myself and how I thought about other ppl.

DenMan

littlefriend wrote: »

OP - her attitude towards you is because of how she feels about herself and her role as mother and wife.
This is a piece written about a book called 'The Four Agreements'. The book itself isn't a great read but the points it makes are very good ----

(2) Don't Take Anything Personally. There is an awful lot of negative energy out there and some of it is directed at us by other people. If you take it personally and take on the poison of another's words, it becomes a very negative agreement you have with yourself. What anybody thinks about you, or says about you, is really about them. Not taking it personally allows you to be in relationship with anyone and not get trapped in their stuff. This agreement can also pertain to things that we take personally that cause us to go into upset.

(3) Don't Make Assumptions. What we think we understand about what someone says, how someone looks at us, what someone means by what they do, etc, may often not reflect reality at all, and more often than not lead us to think badly of ourselves or of others, and reinforce not being impeccable with our word.

I spent literally years worrying about things ppl said to or about me or how they treated me - reading this book brought me forward a lot on how I thought about myself and how I thought about other ppl.

Hi littlefriend

The book was a great read for you I take it? Did it give you the strength to talk to your mother and allow you and her to come to an agreement regarding your position at home?, like what the OP was asking about? She is being over-whelmed isn't she? Great the book was a success for you.

littlefriend

DenMan wrote: »

Hi littlefriend

The book was a great read for you I take it? Did it give you the strength to talk to your mother and allow you and her to come to an agreement regarding your position at home?, like what the OP was asking about? She is being over whelmed isn't she? Great the book was a success for you.

As I said the book isn't a great read but it made me look at things a bit differently. All I was doing was suggesting to the OP that her mother may have issues with herself and is projecting them onto the OP. It was a suggestion, a different way of looking at the situation - nothing more. I don't know why you are so quick to condemn a suggestion made with good intentions... but that is about your issues rather than about me

And since you asked, yes it did give me the strength to face many situations and/or people where previously I felt bullied or belittled. Is that ok with you?

DenMan

littlefriend wrote: »

As I said the book isn't a great read but it made me look at things a bit differently. All I was doing was suggesting to the OP that her mother may have issues with herself and is projecting them onto the OP. It was a suggestion, a different way of looking at the situation - nothing more. I don't know why you are so quick to condemn a suggestion made with good intentions... but that is about your issues rather than about me

And since you asked, yes it did give me the strength to face many situations and/or people where previously I felt bullied or belittled. Is that ok with you?

Hi littlefriend

I never condemned the suggestion you made, I was very pleased to read your post. I found it very helpful to the OP. I really hope it can help her. Was there a mix up in our conversation?, if there was I am sorry:)

Den

RuthyB

OMG my boyfriends mum is a TOTAL Irish Mammy.

There are 3 kids (well young adults in the family - all in their early 20s) 2 boys and a girl.

My BF is the eldest and the apron strings arent tight enough for her when it comes to him. She relies on him for everything - from lifts to the pub in the evenings ( pub is 2 min walk away) driving her to / from work every day, any DIY (even just changing a lightbulb) if for some reason he refuses or is unable to help - she ignores him for days on end. If he's away over night she calls him constantly to keep tabs on him - and to remind him that she's going shopping the following day and he has to go with her to carry the bags !!!!!!

The middle child - who is female - the mother is an absolute b*tch to. She tells her that she is over weight (which she isnt) and unpretty( i once heard mummy tell her that she should wear more make up, because if she doesnt then her boyfriend will leave her for someone prettier!!!:mad:) and i have heard her say some other particularly nasty things too.

And then there is the youngest - - - The Golden Boy. He sits on his A*se all day watchin TV and eating junk food. He NEVER cleans up after himself, is always bumming money. He gets twisted at the weekends - gets into fights and wrecks the place when he gets home - he stays in bed all the following day while mammy cleans and cooks for him. " Sher God love him - sher he's only young".


Meanwhile daddy comes home from work (stops off in the pub along the way) plonks his backside down next to his youngest son on the couch and does sweet fanny adams.


I reckon she might be a more warped version of the Irish Mammy:mad::mad:

DenMan

That's awful on the poor girl RuthyB. Middle child in the family.

littlefriend

DenMan wrote: »

Hi littlefriend

I never condemned the suggestion you made, I was very pleased to read your post. I found it very helpful to the OP. I really hope it can help her. Was there a mix up in our conversation?, if there was I am sorry:)

Den

Sorry, I just took you up wrong. My fault for not paying attention, my head is a bit all over the place today! Sorry again.

DenMan

littlefriend wrote: »

Sorry, I just took you up wrong. My fault for not paying attention, my head is a bit all over the place today! Sorry again.

No problem at all littlefriend.

LegacyUser

i know where your coming from, any time i try to do anything my mother interferes and constantly tries to control what i do. I have a full driving licence but she still thinks im going to kill us all when it comes to anything, even to the point of when im called over for dinner its called "din dins" and im reffered to as her baby or "little <first name>" *in a baby talk accent* , i am 19 and i am treated like im 5, its horrible because girls, sex, alcohol, none of these topics can be brought up in my house.

bigpinkelephant

peppa wrote: »

For anyone that doesn't know what it is its where mammys mother their precious little boys well into adulthood and these mammies beleive that their boys can't do anything for themselves.

I'm 24, female with a few brothers and our mam has always treated us differently, since we were kids. My brothers were allowed to do everything like going to parties and discos but i was never. I was never given a proper excuse and was always told that boys will be boys, and lads will be lads.

As adults now its worse then ever. I feel so hurt that my mam would care more for me if i was male. I've always treated her with some respect but she pretty much hates me and she can't make it any more clearer.

If anyone has any irish mammy sydrome cases to share with me that would be great. Just to cheer me up a little i suppose and to see if i have it bad at all.

The sooner my brothers finds women, get married, and have a wife the better. Mothers energy and nasty remarks might go towards those poor women instead of at me.

It's the exact same in my family- in my extended family you have to be the first born. My mother, her brothers and sisters- their first child is always spoilt rotten by my granny and then any other is never as good. My granny used to take my big brother on holidays for weeks and barely even say hello to me and my little brother when she came around to collect him. The first born always gets more presents, is always right, can do no wrong. It was like this the whole time with my big brother while I was growing up.
It has done him no favours as he is still a spoilt pig and thinks he can do whatever he wants.

I saw it all happen again with my uncle when I was a bit older. He got married when I was a teenager. When he told my granny they were having their first child she was thrilled and spoilt the child rotten. 2 years later he and my aunt visited my granny to say they were expecting their second child and she just glared at them and made little remark. The second child was never treated the same.

In my immediate family I am the only girl and I was never treated the same as my brothers. My mother would be somewhat easy to deal with but my father was impossible. "Girls shouldn't use bad language", "Girls shouldn't do this, that or the other". My brothers both enjoy cooking and are good at it whereas I hate it and am useless at it, but if my mam is not around my dad willl nag me about cooking dinners etc. It's stupid.

peppa

peppa wrote: »

If anyone has any irish mammy sydrome cases to share with me that would be great. Just to cheer me up a little i suppose and to see if i have it bad at all.

The sooner my brothers finds women, get married, and have a wife the better. Mothers energy and nasty remarks might go towards those poor women instead of at me.

Yes thats true alright
I'm a sufferer of this and also my brother is with a girl on/off 3 years and he just knocked her up. My mother cannot stand her and she has felt the wrath ever since she met my brother (well given her bloody cowardly nature also this has all been behind the girls back with the occasional bitchy comment to her face). My brother is also kinda suffering at her hands also for dragging down the family name and not living up to mammys expectation:rolleyes:

I don't get on with her and from an early age have felt she hated me. I get on better with my father though and he is proud of my success.

My sister on the other hand plays her well and she knows I laugh about it but seeing as the two of them are alike and play one another off me I don't get on with my sister either.

I agree with you OP Irish mammies have a ****ing lot to answer for, especially regarding the men they also.

The Mighty Ken

User1989 wrote: »

i know where your coming from, any time i try to do anything my mother interferes and constantly tries to control what i do. I have a full driving licence but she still thinks im going to kill us all when it comes to anything, even to the point of when im called over for dinner its called "din dins" and im reffered to as her baby or "little <first name>" *in a baby talk accent* , i am 19 and i am treated like im 5, its horrible because girls, sex, alcohol, none of these topics can be brought up in my house.

Jesus. Yeah, well, bring them up anyway. Grow some balls (or the female equiv).

craichoe

User1989 wrote: »

i know where your coming from, any time i try to do anything my mother interferes and constantly tries to control what i do. I have a full driving licence but she still thinks im going to kill us all when it comes to anything, even to the point of when im called over for dinner its called "din dins" and im reffered to as her baby or "little <first name>" *in a baby talk accent* , i am 19 and i am treated like im 5, its horrible because girls, sex, alcohol, none of these topics can be brought up in my house.

How about you move out and get a little independence then ?

Grawns

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

Jesus. Yeah, well, bring them up anyway. Grow some balls (or the female equiv).

I think user 1989 is a guy. Poor fella wait until he brings home a girl, Mammys going to HATE HER.

This really is a great thread, most peoples stories are like a script from Father Ted proving that life is stranger than fiction.

Honey-ec

All these posts remind me very much of ex-boyfriend's mother. Typical Irish mammy, even to her three (older) bachelor brothers who still lived in family home even after both parents died. None of them ever even learned how to drive so she used to do all their grocery shopping for them, then cook all their dinners for the week, freeze them and label them so all they had to do was microwave them. She even did all their clothes shopping.

The woman and I never, ever liked eachother and it was because we just couldn't understand eachother. I thought she was pathetic for pandering to the men in her family in such a way and she thought I was some modern uppity young wan from the Big Shmoke who was laughing at her old-fashioned ways. Which I was, incidentally.