Pregnant??

wicklaman83

I was with a girl without a condom(dont need any comments on the no condom issue) and now she is freaking out saying she might be pregnant and is texting me a minimum of 15 texts a day with pure crap so i said to her i want no more texts of her till she gets results so she went to doctor 4 days after and he tells her to go back in 2 weeks time(is timing correct,is not less).she started texting so i ignored her due to her frequent texts and she tells me the reason she is being so weird is she was raped,got pregnant and lost it years ago.i'm fairly friendly with her friends and nothing was ever said.Now she says if she is pregnant she is going to go to england and get it aborted.I dont know if she is just messing with my head or not.Any advice????

Chinafoot

darren254 wrote: »

I was with a girl without a condom(dont need any comments on the no condom issue) and now she is freaking out saying she might be pregnant and is texting me a minimum of 15 texts a day with pure crap

Pure crap? She thinks she might be pregnant and is freaking out....if she's young (which I'm guessing she is) then freaking out is a standard reaction to something like this. It's not exactly strange for her to want to speak to you about it since you're involved here too. Dismissing her like that is pretty harsh. You both fúcked up, not just her.

darren254 wrote: »

so i said to her i want no more texts of her till she gets results so she went to doctor 4 days after and he tells her to go back in 2 weeks time(is timing correct,is not less).she started texting so i ignored her due to her frequent texts

So you shag her without protection, she's worried and obviously wants to talk to you and your reaction is to tell her to stop texting you so much. YOu made your bed and shagged in it so face up to what might happen. Speak to her for heaven's sake.

darren254 wrote: »

and she tells me the reason she is being so weird is she was raped,got pregnant and lost it years ago.i'm fairly friendly with her friends and nothing was ever said.

Fairly friendly with her friends....yeah they'd obviously have told you in detail about these traumatic events from their friend's past. Are you kidding me? You seem intent on making her out to be a psycho here. Maybe that is what happened to her, maybe she's completely freaking out because you're not exactly being in supportive. Telling her to essentially fúck off til she knows for sure isn't exactly going to help her.

darren254 wrote: »

Now she says if she is pregnant she is going to go to england and get it aborted.

Well she's probably thinking that given your reaction to this she would probably be stuck raising a child on her own. I'm not saying you'd do a runner, just that it may be what she's thinking.

darren254 wrote: »

I dont know if she is just messing with my head or not.Any advice????

Advice...meet up with her and speak to her. Don't dismiss her feelings on the matter. She's understandably worried. Maybe next time you'll think with the brain in your head and not your pants.

The_Minister

darren254 wrote: »

).she started texting so i ignored her due to her frequent texts

Ignoring this won't help. IMO her frequent texts are her way of reassuring her that you are there for her.

darren254 wrote: »

and she tells me the reason she is being so weird is she was raped,got pregnant and lost it years ago.i'm fairly friendly with her friends and nothing was ever said.

Rape is not a normal dinner conversation. If her friends even know (and there is a good chance they don't), then they'd be pretty **** friends to be telling people.

darren254 wrote: »

Now she says if she is pregnant she is going to go to england and get it aborted.

Can you blame her? Did you offer to go to the doctor with her? Did you offer even emotional support?
She probably thinks that you are going to leave her high and dry. Which, no offence, is exactly what you sound like doing.

darren254 wrote: »

I dont know if she is just messing with my head or not.

Messing as regards the abortion, or as regards the whole pregnancy?

Her doctor telling her to wait that long is a bit odd from my limited knowledge.
EDIT: I just reread. That would make it about 18 days after sex. That actually sounds about right.

2nd EDIT: Look, at the end of the day its up to you what you do, it's easy for us to judge, all safe up here in our ivory towers. However, if you are friends with her friends, have you thought of the possible consequences your actions could have on those friendshps?

hussey

Chinafoot wrote: »

......

I 100% agree with Chinafoot, you need to face up to responsibilities.

If she was raped, and aborted a child you have no idea of the suffering she went through, and by telling her to stop texting you is unreal.

If you are man enough to have sex with her, then be man enough to face up to responsibilities, even if they are just to listen to her.

Science can be your friend here, you can roughly calculate the most fertile times of her cycle.
(not exact figures) day 1 defined as day period arrives
day 1-7 - highly unlikely
8 - 19 - the Danger zone so to speak
20 - <edit>28</edit> - again highly unlikely

Esel

hussey wrote: »

Science can be your friend here, you can roughly calculate the most fertile times of her cycle.
(not exact figures) day 1 defined as day period arrives
day 1-7 - highly unlikely
8 - 19 - the Danger zone so to speak
20 - 31 - again highly unlikely

Might want to revise that last bit?

MagicMarker

What the ****? Is this for real?

This girl is in bits about this and you practially tell her to **** off? What kind of pathetic excuse of a man are you?

Take responsability for yourself and offer the poor girl some emotional support, next time she goes to the doctor GO WITH HER! :rolleyes:

Call her RIGHT NOW and tell her you're sorry and that you will be there for her, that she doesn't have to go through this alone. If it turns out she is pregnant, then you can discuss your options.

In future, wear a ****ing condom, i think it would be best for everyone if you didn't procreate. If it's not too late already that is.

Chinafoot

esel wrote: »

Might want to revise that last bit?

28 day cycles, while regarded as a perfect cycle, aren't all that common. 28 is just an average, some cycles can be 35 days long.

The_Minister

MagicMarker wrote: »

What the ****? Is this for real?

This girl is in bits about this and you practially tell her to **** off? What kind of pathetic excuse of a man are you?

Take responsability for yourself and offer the poor girl some emotional support, next time she goes to the doctor GO WITH HER! :rolleyes:

Call her RIGHT NOW and tell her you're sorry and that you will be there for her, that she doesn't have to go through this alone. If it turns out she is pregnant, then you can discuss your options.

In future, wear a ****ing condom, i think it would be best for everyone if you didn't procreate. If it's not too late already that is.

Calm down and get off your high-horse.

The OP's actions have not been ideal (sorry OP, but they haven't), but probably part of it is because he faces his whole future being turned upside-down, and is dealing with the natural instinct to hide from the problem and try and just shut it out. It is a suboptimal way of dealing with it, but it doesn't mean that you can call him unfit to breed.

MagicMarker

I never said he's unfit to breed.

And i'm sorry, him ''hiding away'' from this is bull****. If he can't handle this then he should have thought about that before going bareback.

This girl faces her whole future being turned upside down too, unfortunately, she can't hide away, she has to deal with it.

Instead of telling her to **** off, he should man up.

Esel

Chinafoot wrote: »

28 day cycles, while regarded as a perfect cycle, aren't all that common. 28 is just an average, some cycles can be 35 days long.

31 days, however, is not the average.

hussey

esel wrote: »

Might want to revise that last bit?

Yeah got mixed up on 'Monthly' dates

fuzzywiggle

Be a man, grow a pair of balls and stand up to it. You're ignoring her texts, telling her to stop texting you until she finds out for definate? What the **** is that about? She is worried out of her mind, (and all you seem to be bothered with is her frequent texts and bothering you with the hassle of it all) and would look to you for support as you're the only one who knows what may be going through her head. And whether the story she told you is true or not you're really handling this badly. Let her text you and don't be so nasty as to not reply. You got yourself into the situation, so be man enough to be responsible for it.

Oh and by the way, you don't need any comments on the no condom issue? I hope that's because you already know what a fool you were and have learned your lesson.

DD

Why didn't you go with her to the dr and to get the results too?

Gina Brel

Give the guy a break.He's looking for help.Dont knock someone when they're down please.
Is there any friends family you can talk to who will listen to you without judgement?I think that would be real important for you right now.
You'll be better able to cope with this and to support this woman if you yourself have your head together.Good luck whatever the result.

Marksie

Look I am not going to point fingres at one or another. At this point in time its useless as it serves no purpose.
You knew what you were doing when you barebacked, so did she.
End of story.
Recrimintaion will not help matters at this point.

Neither will texting. For issues like this its can get really screwy when you are using it as a communication medium. (lets face it ahve you ever waited for a return text and waited and waited and waited and got wound up???)

Both of you are in a panic it seems and i can sense the thoughts in your head juts flipping backwards and forwards..which is entirely natural. But think hers will be the same

Its going to be a tough two weeks if this continues to happen.
So, the best thing is to arrange to talk and then to see what the story is in person.
I can't tell you whether she is messing, lying, telling the truth or completely scared witless.
But her mindstate is all over the place, have some consideration for that.
So is yours and i will have consideration for that as well.

So my advive, TALK it through. Meet if necessary , phone if not.

There are two of you in this and we dont know what you have been saying in response to her texts of "crap" and ignroing them is making her worse. As it would TBH.

So do now begin to act responsibly and deal with the matter head on and openly.

Cmol

Why did neither of you suggest morning after pill when it was still an option?

Magic2002

Ok, she’s freaking out! In fairness, it’s understandable. If you really want advice, lose the ‘tude about her wrecking your head and sit down with her. Go through why she is worried, talk about what the doctor has told her. Work out her cycle maybe – although most woman’s don’t fit the standard 28 days

She’s worried and upset – and right now you can either be a bit of a wuss and leave her high and dry or you can meet up and talk. Maybe she isn’t pregnant! But ignoring it won’t make it not so and to be honest, doing the right thing here is pretty simple.


As CMol asked, How come you didn't use the morning after pill?



Also – fairly friendly with her friends? Rape and miscarriage - it’s not the kind of thing that any sort of half way decent friend would start throwing around about her to someone they were “fairly friendly” with.

Best of luck.

Madame Razz

Something seems not quite right with this.

So you had sex without a condom, and shes not on the pill: so how come she didnt go and get the morning after pill?

Particularly given her experience in the past, you would imagine this girl would be ultra careful about contraception, surely putting yourself in the position of having to get a second abortion isnt ideal.

And why is she freaked out that she might be pregnant??

Is her period late or something?

Having had a scare in the past; i only got freaked when my period was late, and i certainly didnt harass the guy beforehand with my fear of being pregnant.

Also i dont understand why she keeps texting the OP; i dont mean to be cynical but is this perhaps her way of maintaining some sort contact with him as she really likes him and is trying to establish some sort of emotional connection with him.

The whole thing seems very bizarre.

Or maybe its just that you're both young?? or shes very immature and a complete drama queen??

YOu have to give her the benefit of the doubt tho. Being harsh isnt helpful; maybe she is genuinely worried. Perhaps ring her and politely but firmly tell her that you will support her but that theres nothing she can do until 2 weeks time and to stop worrying until that time, and to try and put it out of her head as best she can. Offer to come with her to the doctor then and when there is official confirmation of pregnancy/or not, ye will then deal with whatever ye are both faced with.

Good luck.

wicklaman83

Cmol wrote: »

Why did neither of you suggest morning after pill when it was still an option?

i forgot to mention i said to her about the morning after pill about an hour after having sex to which i got no response until the next night when she was out drunk in a club when i got a text."oh yeah what did you say last nite bout de pills".i was in bed and didnt reply and next message 2 minutes later was "oh yeah u said get morning after pill haha ya needn't worry bout that haha".What am i to say to that??and to all the judgemental wa**kers(sorry mods) at the start of this i asked for advice not what you thought of me.me running and leaving her to it isn't even an option and as of 4pm today i have received 273 messages in 4 days and all i told her was not to be texting me so much cause there is nothing that i can do as we dont even know that she is pregnant.(i also have a dangerous job requiring my full attention) when she ignored me i THEN said to her not to be texting me but if yous think 273 messages is normal thats fine.

Madame Razz

darren254 wrote: »

i forgot to mention i said to her about the morning after pill about an hour after having sex to which i got no response until the next night when she was out drunk in a club when i got a text."oh yeah what did you say last nite bout de pills".i was in bed and didnt reply and next message 2 minutes later was "oh yeah u said get morning after pill haha ya needn't worry bout that haha".What am i to say to that??and to all the judgemental wa**kers(sorry mods) at the start of this i asked for advice not what you thought of me.me running and leaving her to it isn't even an option and as of 4pm today i have received 273 messages in 4 days and all i told her was not to be texting me so much cause there is nothing that i can do as we dont even know that she is pregnant.(i also have a dangerous job requiring my full attention) when she ignored me i THEN said to her not to be texting me but if yous think 273 messages is normal thats fine.

Woah; 273 texts???Bloody hell!!

You definately need to go to her gp with her when shes going back for a test.She doesn't sound like shes very stable at all 2bh!! Could tell you shes pregnant and not be!!

Methinks you should avoid having unprotected sex with women like that in future.

And by the sound of things i hope for your sake she isnt pregnant;cosshe soundslikeshe could make your life hell!!

Esel

manukahoney wrote: »

Methinks you should avoid having unprotected sex with women like that in future.

Make that: Avoid having unprotected sex in future.

MagicMarker

Maybe she's sending you soo many texts because she freaking out, and you're offering no help to her. Maybe after the first text, if you had of suggested meeting and talking, she wouldn't have felt the need to send the next 272 messages.

kraggy

MagicMarker wrote: »

What the ****? Is this for real?

This girl is in bits about this and you practially tell her to **** off? What kind of pathetic excuse of a man are you?

Take responsability for yourself and offer the poor girl some emotional support, next time she goes to the doctor GO WITH HER! :rolleyes:

Call her RIGHT NOW and tell her you're sorry and that you will be there for her, that she doesn't have to go through this alone. If it turns out she is pregnant, then you can discuss your options.

In future, wear a ****ing condom, i think it would be best for everyone if you didn't procreate. If it's not too late already that is.

Well, did that make you feel better? Did that make you feel like a man? Is your life so perfect that you have the right to come on here and knock a man when he's down? He didn't tell her to **** off. He asked her not to text because she text so much already.

The OP is young (by the sounds of it) and is scared and faces an uncertain future as a result of this. When we are young, we sometimes react differently than we should but that is part of growing up and maturing.

Yes, he should have sat down with her and discussed it but would you be so level-headed given a potentially life-altering situation? You can't be sure. Nobody can. But she has no right to text him 200+ times in 4 days (if that is indeed true). You just can't do that to someone.

The OP came on here looking for advice and another point of view, not a character assassination and abuse. If your ego means that you need to feel so righteous, go volunteer for the SVP.

And also, the OP specifically asked not to be given a lecture about not wearing a condom, but you couldn't resist could you? This is Personal Issues, not "Kick me in the balls while my life appears to falling apart".

OP, this is a scary situation you've been presented with and it hasn't helped that you are rubbing each other up the wrong way what with her texting and your hiding away from the situation but meet with her and discuss things and agree a plan of action. However, if she refuses to calm down on the texting you'll need to lay down law and tell her that if she doesn't cop on, you'll not have any contact with her whatsoever until she has the results.

If she does agree to slow down the texting, then you also have to agree to be there for her in whatever way you can.

You both ****ed up. Firstly by sleeping with each other without protection, secondly, well you should know already.

Ask her what she meant by it being already sorted that time she text. Maybe she meant that she was on the pill already and that's why she didn't feel the need to take the morning after pill. There's a chance it didn't work.

Anyway, sort it out. You'll both feel better about the situation then.

MagicMarker

kraggy wrote: »

Well, did that make you feel better?

Very much so...

kraggy wrote: »

Did that make you feel like a man?

Nope, taking care of my responsbilities makes me feel like a man.

kraggy wrote: »

Is your life so perfect that you have the right to come on here and knock a man when he's down? He didn't tell her to **** off. He asked her not to text because she text so much already.

The OP is young (by the sounds of it) and is scared and faces an uncertain future as a result of this. When we are young, we sometimes react differently than we should but that is part of growing up and maturing.

Yes, he should have sat down with her and discussed it but would you be so level-headed given a potentially life-altering situation? You can't be sure. Nobody can. But she has no right to text him 200+ times in 4 days (if that is indeed true). You just can't do that to someone.

First off, i have yet to get the impression from the OP that he is scared, or even cares.

Secondly, refer to my last post regarding the quantity of texts, i think you'll find it makes a lot of sense.

kraggy wrote: »

And also, the OP specifically asked not to be given a lecture about not wearing a condom, but you couldn't resist could you? This is Personal Issues, not "Kick me in the balls while my life appears to falling apart".

Is that so?.........

kraggy wrote: »

You both ****ed up. Firstly by sleeping with each other without protection, secondly, well you should know already.

........ the OP specifically asked not to be given a lecture about not wearing a condom, but you couldn't resist could you? This is Personal Issues, not "Kick me in the balls while my life appears to falling apart".

This is very simple, if you don't think you can deal with these issues as a mature adult, then you shouldn't be having sex in the first place, especially unprotected!

The Sweeper

OP I'm going to go against the general grain here and say:

She sounds like a nutjob. People seem to be forgetting that the responsibility for contraception is 50/50. He needs to wear a condom. She needs to be on the pill or other another device. If he's not wearing a condom, she should be asking him to wear a condom. Even if he IS wearing a condom, he should be asking her what contraception she's also using.

So he didn't wear a condom (yeah yeah, boo hiss), and now four days, one panic attack, a period of undisclosed time where there is no definite result on a pregnancy and a whopping 273 texts later, if you ask me she's boiling his bunnies.

Look, I'm going to make the great unpopular suggestion here: I think there's a chance this girl is pulling a stunt and making up a pregnancy scare to get your attention.

How well do you know her? Was it a one night stand with a stranger? Does she know you well enough to have developed a major crush on you before you slept with her? After you slept with her, how did you behave? Did you call her/text her or did you ignore her?

The world is full of Walter Mitties. "I was raped, got pregnant and lost the pregnancy years ago" is one of two things: a really tragic, horrible thing to have happened to the poor girl, or a great big stinking pile of turnips designed to get your attention when "oh dear I think I'm pregnant" clearly hasn't.

How to cope with this?

Thankfully, the solution kills two birds with one stone. You should behave towards her precisely the way you should behave if she's NOT a nutter, and she IS actually pregnant.

1. Call her. You don't have to see her in person if you're feeling freaked out, but have a chat with her on the phone. Keep it adult and don't lose your temper or the run of your mouth - ask her where she was in her cycle when you had sex, and whether she uses any contraception. Ask her if her period's late. Ask her who her doctor is. Be supportive - you don't have to promise the earth at this point, but don't be a prat.
2. Depending on the information you discover in point one, your first step should be to offer to buy a chemist shop pregnancy test kit and call around to hers while she takes it. If you're sitting outside the bathroom while she pees on a stick, you're going to get an outcome as accurate as a pregnancy test tends to be. (Just an observation: in my experience most panicked women hit the chemist-shelf tests first, and the doctor second. She says she went to her doctor does she? Hmmm.)
3. If she says she doesn't want to do a chemist shop test, tell her you'd like to come to her doctor with her to do the proper test. Press for this - if she won't let you come in to the doctor's office with her, offer to wait in the waiting room. These are all things you should be doing if she's pregnant and it's your kid anyway, without the suspicious subtext, because you should be supportive.

It's a happy conincidence that, in doing the wrong thing and running away from your responsibilities, you also allow a bunny boiler free rein to string you along. By stepping up to the plate, you leave her in a position where she can't carry on a fantasy pregnancy for long because she'll be found out.

What you don't do is this: do not under any circumstances start some sort of relationship with this girl at this point because you're under the impression she might be pregnant. Be a supportive friend who just so happens to possibly be the father of her potential child, but don't be a boyfriend.

(I went to school with someone who told a casual partner that she thought she was pregnant. They hooked up as boyfriend and girlfriend, and sure enough, eleven months later their child was born. ...oh here, hold on...)

Madame Razz

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

OP I'm going to go against the general grain here and say:

She sounds like a nutjob. People seem to be forgetting that the responsibility for contraception is 50/50. He needs to wear a condom. She needs to be on the pill or other another device. If he's not wearing a condom, she should be asking him to wear a condom. Even if he IS wearing a condom, he should be asking her what contraception she's also using.

So he didn't wear a condom (yeah yeah, boo hiss), and now four days, one panic attack, a period of undisclosed time where there is no definite result on a pregnancy and a whopping 273 texts later, if you ask me she's boiling his bunnies.

Look, I'm going to make the great unpopular suggestion here: I think there's a chance this girl is pulling a stunt and making up a pregnancy scare to get your attention.

How well do you know her? Was it a one night stand with a stranger? Does she know you well enough to have developed a major crush on you before you slept with her? After you slept with her, how did you behave? Did you call her/text her or did you ignore her?

The world is full of Walter Mitties. "I was raped, got pregnant and lost the pregnancy years ago" is one of two things: a really tragic, horrible thing to have happened to the poor girl, or a great big stinking pile of turnips designed to get your attention when "oh dear I think I'm pregnant" clearly hasn't.

How to cope with this?

Thankfully, the solution kills two birds with one stone. You should behave towards her precisely the way you should behave if she's NOT a nutter, and she IS actually pregnant.

I sort of hinted the same thing in one of my previous posts. Having heard about the 273 texts i'm fully convinced this girl is a looloo.

The OP deffo needs to be careful IMO....

Madame Razz

esel wrote: »

Make that: Avoid having unprotected sex in future.

Well i assume there will come a time when the OP will actually want to have unprotected sex....for various reasons.

But certainly, casual sex should ALWAYS be protected. It just amuses me that men who have unprotected casual sex always have the misfortune to get the craziest woman pregnant; as could be the case here.

Lizzykins

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

OP I'm going to go against the general grain here and say:

She sounds like a nutjob. People seem to be forgetting that the responsibility for contraception is 50/50. He needs to wear a condom. She needs to be on the pill or other another device. If he's not wearing a condom, she should be asking him to wear a condom. Even if he IS wearing a condom, he should be asking her what contraception she's also using.

So he didn't wear a condom (yeah yeah, boo hiss), and now four days, one panic attack, a period of undisclosed time where there is no definite result on a pregnancy and a whopping 273 texts later, if you ask me she's boiling his bunnies.

Look, I'm going to make the great unpopular suggestion here: I think there's a chance this girl is pulling a stunt and making up a pregnancy scare to get your attention.

How well do you know her? Was it a one night stand with a stranger? Does she know you well enough to have developed a major crush on you before you slept with her? After you slept with her, how did you behave? Did you call her/text her or did you ignore her?

The world is full of Walter Mitties. "I was raped, got pregnant and lost the pregnancy years ago" is one of two things: a really tragic, horrible thing to have happened to the poor girl, or a great big stinking pile of turnips designed to get your attention when "oh dear I think I'm pregnant" clearly hasn't.

How to cope with this?

Thankfully, the solution kills two birds with one stone. You should behave towards her precisely the way you should behave if she's NOT a nutter, and she IS actually pregnant.

1. Call her. You don't have to see her in person if you're feeling freaked out, but have a chat with her on the phone. Keep it adult and don't lose your temper or the run of your mouth - ask her where she was in her cycle when you had sex, and whether she uses any contraception. Ask her if her period's late. Ask her who her doctor is. Be supportive - you don't have to promise the earth at this point, but don't be a prat.
2. Depending on the information you discover in point one, your first step should be to offer to buy a chemist shop pregnancy test kit and call around to hers while she takes it. If you're sitting outside the bathroom while she pees on a stick, you're going to get an outcome as accurate as a pregnancy test tends to be. (Just an observation: in my experience most panicked women hit the chemist-shelf tests first, and the doctor second. She says she went to her doctor does she? Hmmm.)
3. If she says she doesn't want to do a chemist shop test, tell her you'd like to come to her doctor with her to do the proper test. Press for this - if she won't let you come in to the doctor's office with her, offer to wait in the waiting room. These are all things you should be doing if she's pregnant and it's your kid anyway, without the suspicious subtext, because you should be supportive.

It's a happy conincidence that, in doing the wrong thing and running away from your responsibilities, you also allow a bunny boiler free rein to string you along. By stepping up to the plate, you leave her in a position where she can't carry on a fantasy pregnancy for long because she'll be found out.

What you don't do is this: do not under any circumstances start some sort of relationship with this girl at this point because you're under the impression she might be pregnant. Be a supportive friend who just so happens to possibly be the father of her potential child, but don't be a boyfriend.

(I went to school with someone who told a casual partner that she thought she was pregnant. They hooked up as boyfriend and girlfriend, and sure enough, eleven months later their child was born. ...oh here, hold on...)

I couldn't agree more.

RealistSpy

Are you sure the baby is yours though? Can you trust her?

nomorebadtown

ok,

1. you have unprotected sex.

2. afterwards you mention the morning after pill to her, she ignores this.

3. the next day she texts you saying that you needn't worry about the morning after pill "ha ha ha" (suggesting she is either already on the pill or for some reason does not think she could be pregnant).

4. over the next few days she sends you the bones of 300 text messages (not one phone call).

5. she informs you that she had been raped, got pregnant and had gone to the UK.

Something is not right here. She sounds like a looney. OP i really feel for you. Best thing you can do is take minesajackdaniels' advice. Good luck man.

kraggy

MagicMarker wrote: »

Very much so...



Nope, taking care of my responsbilities makes me feel like a man.



First off, i have yet to get the impression from the OP that he is scared, or even cares.

Secondly, refer to my last post regarding the quantity of texts, i think you'll find it makes a lot of sense.



Is that so?.........



........ the OP specifically asked not to be given a lecture about not wearing a condom, but you couldn't resist could you? This is Personal Issues, not "Kick me in the balls while my life appears to falling apart".

This is very simple, if you don't think you can deal with these issues as a mature adult, then you shouldn't be having sex in the first place, especially unprotected!

So you've never made a mistake in any form in your life? Maybe you haven't, but I doubt it.

Either way, what good does slamming the OP do when you know that he came on here looking for HELPFUL advice.

What's the point in having a Personal Issues section on Boards if people are not going to feel comfortable asking for help/advice for fear of being shot down or having their character assassinated?

I've noticed recently that this become a trend in PI and the forum will not be serving its purpose if people refrain from looking for somewhere to rant or outpour their feelings because they're afraid of the reaction they might get.


This is the only place for some people to turn to because they can't discuss certain issues with friends or family.

Gina Brel

Talking about what this guy should have done aint no help,in fairness cop the feck on.

MagicMarker

kraggy wrote: »

So you've never made a mistake in any form in your life? Maybe you haven't, but I doubt it.

What point are you trying to prove? Of course I've made mistakes, I've never possibly got a random girl pregnant via unprotected casual sex and then ignored her after when she's clearly upset and in need of some emotional support and reassurance. The unprotected sex may have been a ''mistake'', the OP's way of dealing with it, is most certainly not.

kraggy wrote: »

Either way, what good does slamming the OP do when you know that he came on here looking for HELPFUL advice.

I gave him helpful advice, just because it wasn't coated with sugar is really irrelevant. If you fail to see the empathy in my post, it's because there is none.

kraggy wrote: »

What's the point in having a Personal Issues section on Boards if people are not going to feel comfortable asking for help/advice for fear of being shot down or having their character assassinated?

I've noticed recently that this become a trend in PI and the forum will not be serving its purpose if people refrain from looking for somewhere to rant or outpour their feelings because they're afraid of the reaction they might get.

This is the only place for some people to turn to because they can't discuss certain issues with friends or family.

I don't know what personal issues forum you've been reading since you registered, but I've always known it to be a forum where people give their opinions on the topic at hand, yeah it can get heated at times and that's why there are moderators. So instead of bringing the thread off topic, why not go and voice your concerns over on feedback?

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

kraggy

MagicMarker wrote: »

What point are you trying to prove? Of course I've made mistakes, I've never possibly got a random girl pregnant via unprotected casual sex and then ignored her after when she's clearly upset and in need of some emotional support and reassurance. The unprotected sex may have been a ''mistake'', the OP's way of dealing with it, is most certainly not.



I gave him helpful advice, just because it wasn't coated with sugar is really irrelevant. If you fail to see the empathy in my post, it's because there is none.



I don't know what personal issues forum you've been reading since you registered, but I've always known it to be a forum where people give their opinions on the topic at hand, yeah it can get heated at times and that's why there are moderators. So instead of bringing the thread off topic, why not go and voice your concerns over on feedback?

Simply replied to your post, as you did to mine.

The OP didn't just tell her not to contact him after the first post. She was sending him, as he says, "crazy texts" from the get go. He seems to have replied to the first few but then she went off on one and sent him another 200 odd.

He didn't just turn around to her and tell her to go swim on first contact.

That's where I think you were being harsh with the OP.

Back on topic. OP, you need to meet with her and sort his out. And she needs to take a pregnancy test if she is indeed late.

It's an adult issue. It's going to take adult treatment. Sit down and hear each other out. See what she has to say about dates in her cycle and what the doctor actually said to her. Then take it from there.

wicklaman83

now she just text me bout 10 mins ago.time now being 30 mins after midnight telling me not to worry that she is back with her ex.needless to say i didnt reply (sorry magic-marker) but i will inform of any developments.

P.S Magicmarker if you wouldnt mind would you go back and quote to me where i mentioned "random girl" or anything to give you an impression she was a "random girl" as stated in one of your previous posts.As far as im concerned your only on this to make a heated debate but to be honest i have no interest in what you have to say sugar coated or not.

MJOR

Ok in all fairness the "sh!tting it is a fairly standard reaction but imagine how she must be feeling.

Sex without a condom is never wise and this invariably is the result or an STI.
This is not just her problem

Meet her and chat with her, no wonder she is texting you she is probably frantic with worry!

Aurora Borealis

The girl is freaking out understandably and though it is OTT of her to be texting like a lunatic, try and understand where she's coming from, she's worried sick I'd imagine. That is not to belittle your worries as you're obviously freaking yourself and are just dealing with it differently. For something as serious as this I do think you should meet up and talk. Postponing that is just adding to the hysteria on both sides. The business of being back with her ex is a little strange but either way I think you need to talk to her, face to face and adult to adult.

RuailleBuaille

darren254 wrote: »

I was with a girl without a condom(dont need any comments on the no condom issue) and now she is freaking out saying she might be pregnant and is texting me a minimum of 15 texts a day with pure crap so i said to her i want no more texts of her till she gets results so she went to doctor 4 days after and he tells her to go back in 2 weeks time(is timing correct,is not less).she started texting so i ignored her due to her frequent texts and she tells me the reason she is being so weird is she was raped,got pregnant and lost it years ago.i'm fairly friendly with her friends and nothing was ever said.Now she says if she is pregnant she is going to go to england and get it aborted.I dont know if she is just messing with my head or not.Any advice????

Sounds like you're the one messing with her head. Telling her you don't wanna hear from her til she gets the results? Who do you think you are? You had no problem putting it in her unprotected so 50% of the stress and worry should be yours. If she's not pregnant use this as a lesson and grow up. If she is, I feel sorry for her. And the last thing this planet needs is another child borne out of the stupidity of its parents.

Marksie

darren254 wrote: »

now she just text me bout 10 mins ago.time now being 30 mins after midnight telling me not to worry that she is back with her ex.needless to say i didnt reply (sorry magic-marker) but i will inform of any developments.
.

Ummm i ahvent followed theis thread since my advice early on, apart from reading responses.

Back with the ex? not to worry?

Odd dont you think......

if she is pregnant.... how many ex's do you know would accept the child as theirs after such a short time back together?

Worry

How Strange

darren254 wrote: »

I was with a girl without a condom(dont need any comments on the no condom issue)

Eh, OP unfortunately for you there have been lots of comments about the 'no condom issue'. It's irresponsible not just in regards to pregnancy but also STD's. Do you want your little pecker to fall off just because you wouldn't put a condom on? Is it worth risking your health for the sake of the 5 seconds it takes to put one on.

so i said to her i want no more texts of her till she gets results so she went to doctor

Well that told her didn't it.

i forgot to mention i said to her about the morning after pill about an hour after having sex

OMG, the morning after pill isn't a contraceptive.

and to all the judgemental wa**kers(sorry mods) at the start of this i asked for advice not what you thought of me.

Hmm well again unfortunately for you, your post was brimming with arrogance and irresponsibility and the desire to project all the blame for this onto the most probably neurotic nut-job girl that you shagged.

(i also have a dangerous job requiring my full attention)

Oh, poor you. Having a baby is also a dangerous job which requires full attention. So is abortion. So are some STD's.

OP, it seems that your irresponsibility has come home to roost here. The girl is clearly a nut-job. She is as irresponsible and immature as you are when it comes to contraception and while you both may be old enough to do the bauld thing I pray to God you haven't actually made a baby because you two wouldn't make very good parents.

Let this one be a lesson to you OP. Grow up and wear a condom. Having safe sex isn't rocket science. And that old argument that guys use about it ruins it for you and you can't feel anything and it ruins the spontaniety well nothing ruins the spontaniety than a wee kid bawling his eyes out or a nasty little rash down there.

Sugar Drunk

Ok, shes freaking out thats normal. its a pity she didnt have the brains to get the morning after pill or a coil fitted!. I know everyone is slating the Op for shagging her without a condom but she let herself be shagged without a condom knowing she was not on any other form of contraception. Contraception is the responsibility of both

Op, stop texting her. Instead ring her and meet up. Go and get a pregnancy test and get her to do it while your there. At least you will know then if she is pregnant. If she is go to marie stoke sor somewhere are discuss options. If in the end ye decide for her to go ahead with her plan to go to the UK, man up and go with her for support.

chocciebutton

Typical man,

You get what you want, foolishly don't use protection, and then wash your hands of it. You should grow a pair of balls, and go to the doctor with the girl, start facing up to your responsibilities. You will know the next time to be careful.:mad:

cch

Back with her ex so it's all ok now? Sounds to me like they broke up, she found out she was pregnant, found someone willing to have unprotected sex with in order to convince them they were the daddy, but now ex is back so that's sorted.
Be very careful...

Aurora Borealis

cch wrote: »

Back with her ex so it's all ok now? Sounds to me like they broke up, she found out she was pregnant, found someone willing to have unprotected sex with in order to convince them they were the daddy, but now ex is back so that's sorted.
Be very careful...

Horrible thought indeed and scary that someone could actually do that but in any event the OP needs to discuss the whole situation in person with the girl in question and then, if he feels the need, to request he sees the doctor with her or pregnancy test.

LegacyUser

Don't forget if she's preggers - to get a DNA test done to see if the
the baby is yours or not. You don't want to be paying for the rest
of your life for someone elses 'bit a fun' !!!

Wibbs

cch wrote: »

Back with her ex so it's all ok now? Sounds to me like they broke up, she found out she was pregnant, found someone willing to have unprotected sex with in order to convince them they were the daddy, but now ex is back so that's sorted.
Be very careful...

That sounds decidedly "convenient" to me. OK you were beyond foolish having sex without a condom. Dumb aint in it, but this back to the ex after the texts etc, are above and beyond a normal reaction.

wicklaman83

its now nearly 2 mths since this thread.just letting everyone know she was not pregnant but as per her closest friend at the time she is desparate to have children and now has lost a few friends due to her actions

MagicMarker

darren254 wrote: »

its now nearly 2 mths since this thread.just letting everyone know she was not pregnant but as per her closest friend at the time she is desparate to have children and now has lost a few friends due to her actions

Doesn't really excuse your actions tbh.

Lucky escape.

wicklaman83

thats your opinion but its just aswekk i've grown immune to your comments.now go back to your perfect little world

Thoie

darren254 wrote: »

its now nearly 2 mths since this thread.just letting everyone know she was not pregnant but as per her closest friend at the time she is desparate to have children and now has lost a few friends due to her actions

Good to hear everything's OK. For people who may find themselves in a similar situation in future, here's some random non-judgemental advice.

Many girls panic within a week of having unprotected sex, regardless of where they are in their cycle. It is relatively common that the stress of this panic can actually delay the next period. A reasonable response if the girl is panicking is to offer to buy her a pregnancy test kit (available from all pharmacies as well as some supermarkets). This is cheaper and more "private" than going to the doctor initially. Offer to meet her somewhere relatively quiet (ideally at home if possible) and wait with her while the test develops. Buy a two-pack so she can test again a few days later, just to be positive.

Also remember that the morning-after pill can be taken up to 72 hours after sex, and that newer versions don't have the inconvenient side effects and are much handier than the old kinds (they're still emergency contraception though, and not to be used regularly).

Few people reliably "know" they're pregnant in the first few weeks. Some people might have a pretty good inkling from week 3 - for others it's possible to be a few months gone before realising it.

If she's definitely pregnant, then you can discuss GP visits etc for blood tests which can give you more information (such as how far along she is, etc).