No sex during Pregnancy.

Quazzie

We Found out recently that my wife is pregnant and we are both absolutely thrilled by the news as we are not long married and it just feels the perfect time for it to happen. I (male) have decided though that I feel uncomfortable having sex during the pregnancy as I don't feel its right to do it. Its nothing religious, or that she doesn't turn me on but I just see it as having sex with the baby in the room. My wife is entering her 2nd trimester and with this the return of her sex drive so whilst it wasn't a problem till now, she now feels that I'm not sexually attracted to her anymore, and that its because she has a bump. Its not. Its just I don't feel comfortable doing it. Am I being unreasonable? Is it common for people to not have sex during pregnancy?

listermint

Two words - Do it!

cowzerp

its good for the woman physically while pregnant and mentally, just dont go to town on her and all is good...she'll feel bad enough without this..

Deadeyes

Your wife is probably very conscious of her body right now and not feeling very attractive. You need to constantly remind her how much you love her and how beautiful she is. If you're really that uncomfortable about having penetrative sex maybe try cuddling and petting.

Amazotheamazing

It's just one of the many sacrifices a man has to make during pregnancy....

dr.bollocko

You have a responsibility as a partner to be good giving and game. Even if not in the mood yourself, enthusiastically helping out the more sexually active person in the relationship at whatever stage would be the decent thing to do.

Beruthiel

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable?

I think you are.

Faith

Stop thinking of it as doing it with the baby in the room. It's not in the room yet. Once your wife has given birth, it will be several weeks before she can have sex again, so you're probably looking at about 7/8 months of no sex now. I say get back on the horse while you still can.

Kinetic^

Some lad to go without for 9 months, I salute you.

NextSteps

It's a bit unreasonable, can't be doing much for your wife's self-esteem, and you'll be kicking yourself once the baby's born and you don't get a moment to yourselves.

LegacyUser

didn't Elvis have some kind of weird thing like this going on with the wife, im sure your wife is at a low ebb now feeling fat and ugly and your surely not helping, time for an auld bottle of cop on what do you think your going to be like after nine months of no sex? or what are your plans on coping with this?

MJOR

I've never been pregnant but my sister said that she was insatiable for her two pregnacies. Some women crave pickled starbars she craved sex.

I understand where you're coming from but I kinda see where your wife is at too... Here she is with a bump none of her clothes fit her, she can't see her bits and now you can't make love to her.

How will you feel when junior is in the cot next to the bed?

Try and see her as her and not just the mom of your baby

laoisfan

jasus lad...i don't mean to be insensitive but will ye get Nike to sponsor you and "Just do it"!!!

my missus was not in the mood when she was pregnant with our 2 wee ones and even afterwards she was not in the mood. believe me when the baby arrives i would be surprised if either of you (more so your wife) will be in the mood for a while. looking after a baby or children takes a lot out of you.

you're missus is giving you the nod and your posting on here? :eek:

only kidding mate. i can see it from both perspectives!!

just do it!!

no need to post on here afterwards

Quazzie

I might have painted a wrong pictuer of myself. I feel terrible to not be able to give her what she needs. I do still feel attracted to her, and its not like I don't have my urges aswell, but when it comes down to it I just feel totally turned off by the idea. She is feeling a bit like MJOR's sister but she is getting her needs satisfied because I suffer a sleep disorder where instead of sleep walking I have sleep-sex. Sounds bizarre but actually is less uncommon than some might think. So she wakes up in the morning feeling totally relieved whereas I can't remember a thing. Th only problem with this system is that I can't control and don't know when its going to happen.

Epic Tissue

haha watch the film "Knocked Up". There's a funny scene in that deals with this.

MJOR

like is it that you can't perform while you are awake??
Its kind of sweet but my god she must be ready to explode.....

hunter164

Every holes a goal mate;) even if she is pregnant.

Quazzie

Its not that I can't perform, Its all in my head that its wrong doing it. When the baby is born I won't do it when the baby is in the room and at the moment thats how it feels. I thought this feeling would go away after a while and that lust would eventually win. Not so. If anything it feels more wrong at the moment than ever. Even though my lust is rising (excuse the pun) I just can't get my head around doing anything. I'm lucky that my wife says she understands but I still feel bad for not being able to. I thought all couples stopped during pregnancy but it seems I'm alone in this one

Beruthiel

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Its not that I can't perform, Its all in my head that its wrong doing it.

Then you've got to snap out of that way of thinking. It's perfectly natural.
Also, you should be taking it while you can get it, cos once the baby comes you ain't getting nothing for some time.

cowzerp

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

When the baby is born I won't do it when the baby is in the room.

Why? the baby wont even know what your doing, and you dont have to be visible to the baby while at it!

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

I thought all couples stopped during pregnancy but it seems I'm alone in this one

Why would couples stop? if there in love they'll still want to make love, and if there horny they'll still want to have fun times! there is no downside.

Reku

If you're having sex with her anyway while asleep what difference does having it while you're awake make to the baby.

As for couples stopping during pregnancy, nope, heck there's even a fetish where guys get even more turned on if their partner is visibly pregnant.

Once the baby's born as long as neither of you are overly vocal in your lovemaking there's no reason to not have sex when the baby's in the room, just turn out the lights and keep the noise down and the kid will probably sleep right through (well then again it'll probably wake up crying just as you're getting there to totally ruin it on you:D).

FlexiLexi

your wifes emotions are all over the place enough as it is, so you are only adding to the mess i think! just go easy, your wife needs it, and youre over analysing imho. the baby wont know!!!!

StormWarrior

I think it is unreasonable. Are you sure you're not making this excuse because you're just not attracted to her right now? The "baby in the room" thing is nonsense, the baby doesn't know whats going on. All my friends had sex during their pregnancies and no harm done.

BankMan

Respectfully, I reckon you need to forget about your discomfort, pull yourself together, and do it ! :cool:

MJOR

Well the baby won't know whats going on..... Six children in my house three bedrooms one room to grandad and none of us every heard my parents "at it". So to answer your worries the baby won't have a clue:p

Overheal

You really want to go the whole pregnancy without sex? And the weeks after? Do you ralise what hormones do to pregnant women? Their sex drive gets crazy: they want it. They need it.

Look at this way: thats exactly how the little guy got in there in the first place. You put the turkey in the oven already so why so skittish about a little vasting?

Quazzie

Overheal wrote: »

You really want to go the whole pregnancy without sex? And the weeks after? Do you ralise what hormones do to pregnant women? Their sex drive gets crazy: they want it. They need it.

Look at this way: thats exactly how the little guy got in there in the first place. You put the turkey in the oven already so why so skittish about a little vasting?

LMFAO!! one of the funniest things I've ever read..

LegacyUser

Actually, lots of men find their wife completely unappealing during pregnancy - you are NOT the only one! Just go to a pregnancy/baby website and you will see that there are plenty of women (cos it's 99% women posting) feeling the way your wife does.

All you can do is give her lots of compliments and kisses and cuddles and reassure her.

Quazzie

no-nookie wrote: »

Actually, lots of men find their wife completely unappealing during pregnancy - you are NOT the only one! Just go to a pregnancy/baby website and you will see that there are plenty of women (cos it's 99% women posting) feeling the way your wife does.

All you can do is give her lots of compliments and kisses and cuddles and reassure her.

I do.. I tell her I love her every day. I kiss her loads. We still hold each other in bed. I'm actually very lucky she is as understanding as she is judging by some of the replies I've gotten on here

Zulu

Buddy, if you don't feel comfortable DON'T have sex.

Whatever about everyone chiming in about how bad you are etc., with sex it's very simple: if you are not comfortable don't do it.

a partner shouldn't put pressure on their oh to have sex

katie08

I think you are focusing and putting way too much pressure on yourself to be celibate. And i think you are posting here cause u want to see reaction of other women to judge how your wife will react etc. Trust your own instincts & do what feels right but remember your wife will have feelings too & you may need to compromise. (wait 7 months... ) you WILL need to compromise...

cowzerp

Zulu wrote: »

Buddy, if you don't feel comfortable DON'T have sex.

Whatever about everyone chiming in about how bad you are etc., with sex it's very simple: if you are not comfortable don't do it.

a partner shouldn't put pressure on their oh to have sex

Politically correct. nonsense in real life. id say your a selfish git.

Quazzie

cowzerp wrote: »

Politically correct. nonsense in real life. id say your a selfish git.

I'm a selfish git??

cowzerp

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

I'm a selfish git??

Did i quote you?

Quazzie

Sorry Cowzerp. Must've been crossed wires. Apologies

Zulu

cowzerp wrote: »

Politically correct.

Probably.

nonsense in real life.

When it comes to sex, the person should always be comfortable. He's having issues within a loving relationship, but if he feel obliged/pressurised into sex when he's not comfortable the problem could manifest itself in other ways - namely difficulty in getting hard/staying hard. Granted this a stab in the dark, but I'm trying to highlight a point. Have sex when you are comfortable with it.
So, no, it's not nonsense.

id say your a selfish git.

I'll leave the personal abuse for the mods to sort out.

2/10. More effort required.

Tar.Aldarion

The only good thing I can see from pregnancy is sex with no condoms, wouldn't want to miss any of that! May not have been an issue for you and so on. I think you should give your wife what she wants, it's good for people, calms them down.

Beruthiel

cowzerp wrote: »

Politically correct. nonsense in real life. id say your a selfish git.

You are on boards long enough to know that sort of crap isn't welcome here.
B

MJOR

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

I do.. I tell her I love her every day. I kiss her loads. We still hold each other in bed. I'm actually very lucky she is as understanding as she is judging by some of the replies I've gotten on here

Aaaaah how sweet. Keep holding her

Another thing that might help is if you rub lotion on her tummy that is really sweet my friends hubby did that when they couldn't make love (she got too big and it was uncomfortable).

WilmaRidesAgain

Give her a mercy ride OP, I know you mightn't be mad into it, but I'd say shes rode you plenty of times when she wasn't in the mood...?

Think about it, she cant drink, shes fat, shes full of hormones, probably goin out of her mind with fear and on top of it all she needs a rattle more than ever.

( If you can, if you feel you might lose wood or not be able to get wood then leave well enough alone, you will only make everything worse! )

Esel

Just read the first page.

Have sex before the baby comes. You might be waiting a long time after!

January

OP, did you have sex before you found out she was pregnant?? The baby was in the room then too

vorbis

I think people are being a bit harsh on the OP. If he's not feeling comfortable about having sex then why should be be forced to do it. Isn't that what we tell women...

SarahSassy

Deadeyes wrote: »

Your wife is probably very conscious of her body right now and not feeling very attractive. You need to constantly remind her how much you love her and how beautiful she is. If you're really that uncomfortable about having penetrative sex maybe try cuddling and petting.

IMHO this is setting you two up to have a barrier between you in times to come.. The baby is not in the room the baby is in the womb

If it was not safe then the medical profession would not recommend it. Sex is a basic component for couples and dont let this drop for the next 9.10.11 months. Your wife needs to feel desied and sexy still so take one for the team

Talliesin

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

My wife is entering her 2nd trimester and with this the return of her sex drive

Quite possibly not the return so to speak, but she's hornier than she's been in her life.

It's a hormone thing. Some have suggested that it may have an evolutionary role (couple having lots of sex during pregnancy means they are less likely to split up and leave only one care-giver for the baby).

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

I thought all couples stopped during pregnancy but it seems I'm alone in this one

Of course not.

Eh. What on earth made you feel that.

Her side: She's got hormones jumping like crazy making her horney as all hell.

His side: She's more voluptuous, her skin is clearer and glowing and her hair is thicker and healthier looking.

Lots of couples have your problem, but it certainly isn't universal.

You know all the threads where people are looking for ideas on better sex. If it wasn't for the obvious impracticality, then every time one or both were female I'd say, "have one of you in the middle of the second trimester of a pregnancy".

It's the best sex ever. You probably aren't planning on having dozens of children, so you've only a few chances to have it.

You say you aren't turned off by it (which would be a different matter) so you've got too sensible choices:

Selfless choice: Have lots of sex with her.
Selfish choice: Have lots of sex with her.

It's win-win.

EamonnKeane

dr.bollocko wrote: »

You have a responsibility as a partner to be good giving and game. Even if not in the mood yourself, enthusiastically helping out the more sexually active person in the relationship at whatever stage would be the decent thing to do.

Ha! No-one would say the same to a woman.

b3t4

I'm all for the 'if you are not comfortable then give it a miss' and I would generally give this stance but I'm not sure if I can in this instance.

Pregnancy is natural. Pregnancy has a duration of 40weeks (about 10mnths) with, potentially, months of recovery after that. You're basically saying to your wife that you cannot bare to have sex with her for a year. That's a long time OP, for you and her. Then you've to think about how you're going to feel when babs does come along. Babs is going to be in the same room as you and the missus for a bit which means the 'no sex with baby in the room' rule is going to come into play again.

Have you tried to have sex with your wife when you're awake? If you think about anything long enough you can get uncomfortable about doing it but when you actually do it it turns out to not be such a big deal.

How about oral sex? Apparently it's ok as long as you don't blow into the vagina (I've learned something new for the day!) Google seems to be your friend here, one link I found http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/sexuality/a/pregsex.htm and this http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-life/sex-relationship/pregnancy-sex-uncensored/

A.

Quazzie

Thanks for all yor advice. I've taken it all on board and I think that I'm just going to give in and do it. At the end of the day its something that she needs physically and emotionally. While I'm sure she can relieve her physical needs when I'm not there I know that she needs to be shown that she is loved and that I still find her attractive, and sometimes actions speak lots more than any amount of words. So I think I'm gonna bite the bullet and take one for the team sot to speak.

Zulu

....just so we're all clear about this: just because the woman is pregnant, and god bless her - she may be feeling down about her appearance, the man should (even though he's not comfortable with the idea) feel obliged to put it out for her.

What I'm trying to highlight here folks is the blatant double standards that appear again and again here by some of our female posters. If the roles were reversed, the message would be different, very different.

Anyway, off my soapbox! OP, what exactly is it that bothers you? Is it the bump or the fact that your bits are going to be poking around very close to your future son/daughter? I'd imagine the later would be quite off putting, but perhaps you could satisfy each other without penetration? - hands are far more dexterous!

Zulu

Also, (this probably belongs in a different thread) how many of the "give in to her" brigade would fly that flag after pregnancy, when he's crying out for some and she's not?

Quazzie

Its the idea that I am performing a sexual act within six inches of my childs head. I know its still in the womb, but its alive, and its a baby. When I think of that way its as bad to me as thinking of pedofilia. That might sound extreme but thats how it feels. I mean if a child can be considered a human being in terms of abortion, well then how is it not in this instance?