Parenting Forum

Ludo

Copying this here on the suggestion of a mod from the Parenting forum:

---

Is it just me, or has the parenting forum gone to complete sh*t in the last few weeks? The amount of trolling and pointless arguing is gone mad. People can't seem to just give their opinion on something without being rude and insulting.

Some people need to learn some basic manners. Just because you are posting on an anonymous forum is no excuse for ignorance.

Mods need to step up here or this forum will be a waste of space. In fact, of the four mods on this forum, there is only one I have seen on here recently that I know of. Are the others gone inactive?

Quality

I have to agree with Ludo.

People seem to be allowed to come on and say what they want in any manner they like.

leeroybrown

I read that thread this morning and it was a real train wreck. I don't think anyone exactly covered themselves in glory there.

Sherifu

The thread title was it's best feature. Some of the comments did get a bit personal I felt.

While they did make valid points, they could have been put a lot better.

TequilaMockingBird

leeroybrown wrote: »

I read that thread this morning and it was a real train wreck. I don't think anyone exactly covered themselves in glory there.

Read it this evening. Its got a lot worse.

TequilaMockingBird

Sherifu wrote: »

The thread title was it's best feature. Some of the comments did get a bit personal.

Thanks, I do like a little drama. *Jazz Hands*

Ludo

Funnily enough the "drinking while pregnant" thread in the Pregnancy sub-forum descended as a result of the same type of comments. Plenty of examples of it recently.

Some of them deserve a slap...but that is a whole other discussion

leeroybrown

Just to clarify 'anyone' as it's been taken out of context above - sueme's liking of drama really didn't help either.

Quality

Ludo wrote: »

Funnily enough the "drinking while pregnant" thread in the Pregnancy sub-forum descended as a result of the same type of comments. Plenty of examples of it recently.

Some of them deserve a slap...but that is a whole other discussion

Jesus did you have to bring that up??:o:o

I am still waiting on social services to bang down the door, so they can tell me that they are going to take my child from me after birth..:eek:

Quality

leeroybrown wrote: »

Just to clarify 'anyone' as it's been taken out of context above - sueme's liking of drama really didn't help either.

Its called a rant... Its a womans thing.:cool:

Ludo

Quality wrote: »

Jesus did you have to bring that up??:o:o

I am still waiting on social services to bang down the door, so they can tell me that they are going to take my child from me after birth..:eek:

Sorry Quality

TequilaMockingBird

leeroybrown wrote: »

Just to clarify 'anyone' as it's been taken out of context above - sueme's liking of drama really didn't help either.

I got your implication first time, don't worry.

It was a rant. Simple as. I didn't think the levels of "Your a ****e parent" were necessary or in context, then it disolved into a troll-fest. Saying that the majority of posters were courteous and polite, which is all that is expected.

randylonghorn

Don't really frequent the parenting forum, so can't / won't comment on it specifically.

Couple of standard questions to think about though (addressed to all users, not anyone in particular) ...

... If you are unhappy about posts, have you reported them? Mods aren't around all the time, they have their own lives to lead, and reported posts help them immensely to zone in on any potential problems when they do log on.

... Are you responding to what you consider trollish posts / arguing with the "trolls"? If they really are trolls, this is exactly what they want, so by getting into an argument with them rather than ignoring them, you are perpetuating the problem.

... Are you sure these are all trolls, or perhaps some of them are people who just don't agree with you? You'll find that happens now and again in life, especially on forums for discussion. (Mind you, disagreement does not include being told "you're a ***** parent", if that actually happened!)

Quality

You see that is the problem, whilst the majority of people will make comments in a mannerly fashion you have a few that will go straight for the balls, I wasnt sure if this was their personal beliefs or if this was just trolling.

On questioning two of the people that I would find to be trolls today, I found out that one is only a child himself and that the other says and I quote

Now I have kids, I can be smug and comment on anyone else's parenting..

Nevyn

If you have a problem with a post report it do not get into an interpersonal tit for tat.

ntlbell

Quality wrote: »

You see that is the problem, whilst the majority of people will make comments in a mannerly fashion you have a few that will go straight for the balls, I wasnt sure if this was their personal beliefs or if this was just trolling.

On questioning two of the people that I would find to be trolls today, I found out that one is only a child himself and that the other says and I quote

Let me try and dumb it down a bit..


You asked someone

"do you even have kids"
This implies that to have an opinion on kids you have to have one of your own this is you being smug.

I said sarcasticaly I can be smug I have kids.

Now if you need anymore clarification give me a call and I'll talk really slowly.

Quality

Now, not trying to start trouble thaed, but I am not one to just report without a bit of backround. If it is someones personal belief I dont think I should need report it. They are entitled to their opinion.

Now since I have only found out today that Magic Marker and NTL are just blatent trolls, I will have no hesitation in reporting posts when my ban is up next week.

Quality

ntlbell wrote: »

Let me try and dumb it down a bit..


You asked someone

"do you even have kids"
This implies that to have an opinion on kids you have to have one of your own this is you being smug.

I said sarcasticaly I can be smug I have kids.

Now if you need anymore clarification give me a call and I'll talk really slowly.

Report posted for personal abuse

the_syco

ntlbell wrote: »

You asked someone

"do you even have kids"
This implies that to have an opinion on kids you have to have one of your own this is you being smug.

I said sarcasticaly I can be smug I have kids.

Fully agree with the point made here. Even though it's a parenting forum, it seems that to be part of the elite, you must have had a child. How having a child makes you any better at raising a child is unknown, as no cert is needed to have one, it does seem that some people think that by having a child, you magically know how to raise one. The mind boggles.

Nevyn

I just love the fact the modutils functionality means I can ban and pm 5 posters at once.

The charter of the parenting forum states everyone is welcome to poster even if they are not parents but other peoples opinons and prenting styles are to be respected and all posting is to be civil.

http://wiki.boards.ie/wiki/Board:Parenting

For those of you who are banned.

The parenting forum is for discussing all things related to the rearing of children It is not just for parents but guardians, aunts, uncles, grandparents and anyone else who has been a child and been parented.

From the charter of this forum.

From the charter of this forum.

"REMEMBER that parenting is a subject which is extremely close to people's hearts, and try not to troll or flame.

Make allowances for the fact that some people dont think exactly like you do, and therefore will have different styles of parenting... Remember that just because they are different, doesn't mean they are wrong."

For those of you that are not the full charter is here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055315003

Read it, abide by it or get banned.

Quality

the_syco wrote: »

Fully agree with the point made here. Even though it's a parenting forum, it seems that to be part of the elite, you must have had a child. How having a child makes you any better at raising a child is unknown, as no cert is needed to have one, it does seem that some people think that by having a child, you magically know how to raise one. The mind boggles.

I think that is the problem syco....

Most of us are posting for a bit of help or friendly feedback. Not to be attacked for our parenting styles. Its different strokes for different folks.
And I see you thanked NTL's post. He would be the person that stated that

now that he has kids he can be as smug as he wants.

I asked a poster had he kids earlier as he was being very rude to the original poster.

I think that whether you have kids or not does make a difference when you are posting about children.

My views on children and my parenting views before I had children are completely different to how I raise my children now.

It is not as easy as it looks, and whoever thinks they know all the answers should write a book they would be a millionaire by the end of the month.

Its trial and error, I dont see how listening to abuse from people is going to help you raise your child any better.

ntlbell

Quality wrote: »

now that he has kids he can be as smug as he wants.

I asked a poster had he kids earlier as he was being very rude to the original poster.
.

Eventually the penny will drop.

ntlbell wrote: »

Let me try and dumb it down a bit..


You asked someone

"do you even have kids"
This implies that to have an opinion on kids you have to have one of your own this is you being smug.

I said sarcasticaly I can be smug I have kids.

Now if you need anymore clarification give me a call and I'll talk really slowly.

sometroll wrote:

I'm making a very valid point, before I had my own kids i was unable to comment on anyone else's parentig because "you don't even have kids!"

Now I have kids, I can be smug and comment on anyone else's parenting..

even tho I still don't have a clue! it's great!<----see? sarcasm?

Quality

ntlbell wrote: »

Eventually the penny will drop.

Post reported for personal abuse.

pirelli

Thaedydal wrote: »

I just love the fact the modutils functionality means I can ban and pm 5 posters at once.

The charter of the parenting forum states everyone is welcome to poster even if they are not parents but other peoples opinons and prenting styles are to be respected and all posting is to be civil.

http://wiki.boards.ie/wiki/Board:Parenting

For those of you who are banned.



For those of you that are not the full charter is here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055315003

Read it, abide by it or get banned.

I dont belive that we need to start a new thread. However on this topic there was another thread about physical safety of children on outdoor activities and the posters were not anonymous but regular posters. Thaedydal became just another poster and if she posted a warning, dont be quick to say this was relevant to me or others as it wasn't and i for one did not derail the thread. A moderator of a forum that quotes acts of irish law and banning people should realise that as a moderator ( that clearly some people listen too) they ( the moderator ) are de railing the thread through their ignorance.

Thaedydal your parenting charter seriously needs child protection, it's very childish . How can you ban some people for their parenting opinions. Your seem to believe there is a child protection act in ireland and start advising people to adhere to it etc. The fact that your blatantly wrong highlights how unnatural a moderator you can be . Your too personally involved in that thread to take such a bias view and enforce it with banning people. Please unban some of the people you banned.

Heinrich

Open again?

TequilaMockingBird

I was banned from the Parenting Forum for a week. I don't agree with this. (Surprisingly enough.)

Thead has asked me to take it to Feedback, so may I jump aboard your thread Ludo?

That was a nasty, troll-filled thread, and in my opinion would put alot of parents off posting in Parenting. I have looked and I can't see where I broke the charter, except by perhaps not reporting enough threads.

Heinrich

sueme wrote: »

I was banned from the Parenting Forum for a week. I don't agree with this. (Surprisingly enough.)

Thead has asked me to take it to Feedback, so may I jump aboard your thread Ludo?

That was a nasty, troll-filled thread, and in my opinion would put alot of parents off posting in Parenting. I have looked and I can't see where I broke the charter, except by perhaps not reporting enough threads.

When in a hole stop digging.:D

ntlbell

Quality wrote: »

Post reported for personal abuse.

Nevyn

pirelli wrote: »

I dont belive that we need to start a new thread. However on this topic there was another thread about physical safety of children on outdoor activities and the posters were not anonymous but regular posters. Thaedydal became just another poster and if she posted a warning, dont be quick to say this was relevant to me or others as it wasn't and i for one did not derail the thread.

Oh boo hoo people can't tell the differnece between me contributing to a thread and me issuing a mod directive ? Get a grip.

pirelli wrote: »

A moderator of a forum that quotes acts of irish law and banning people should realise that as a moderator ( that clearly some people listen too) they ( the moderator ) are de railing the thread through their ignorance.

Did I say it was an act of irish law ?
IF you wanted to query that you could have pmed me or started a new thread but you choose to derail the thread.

pirelli wrote: »

Thaedydal your parenting charter seriously needs child protection, it's pathethic . How can you ban some people for their parenting opinions. Your seem to believe there is a child protetcion act in ireland and start advising people to adhere to it etc. The fact that your blatantly wrong highlights how unnatural a moderator you can be . Your too personally involved in that thread to take such a bias view and enforce it with banning people.

*yawn*

pirelli wrote: »

Please unban some of the people you banned.

no.

ntlbell

sueme wrote: »

I was banned from the Parenting Forum for a week. I don't agree with this. (Surprisingly enough.)

Thead has asked me to take it to Feedback, so may I jump aboard your thread Ludo?

That was a nasty, troll-filled thread, and in my opinion would put alot of parents off posting in Parenting. I have looked and I can't see where I broke the charter, except by perhaps not reporting enough threads.

your child got some sun burn, two days later and many pages later you're still crapping on about it.

Give yourself a rest please

Ludo

5 people banned over this? Seems a tad excessive. This could have been avoided with earlier mod intervention and only 3 people come to my mind as possibly deserving a ban.

This is not meant to be a criticism of you Thaedydal. You are only one person and cannot be expected to spend time policing the forum with your other commitments.

I do believe there needs to be more mods on this forum though to help you. Maybe I am wrong here but are the other three mods actively involved in the forum? I apologise in advance if they are but I haven't noticed them in a long time.

Nevyn

sueme wrote: »

I was banned from the Parenting Forum for a week. I don't agree with this. (Surprisingly enough.)

Thead has asked me to take it to Feedback, so may I jump aboard your thread Ludo?

That was a nasty, troll-filled thread, and in my opinion would put alot of parents off posting in Parenting. I have looked and I can't see where I broke the charter, except by perhaps not reporting enough threads.

I suggest you start a new thread about your ban as I will not address it here.

Nevyn

Ludo wrote: »

5 people banned over this? Seems a tad excessive. This could have been avoided with earlier mod intervention and only 3 people come to my mind as possibly deserving a ban.

So I am damned if I do and damned it I don't ?

Ludo wrote: »

This is not meant to be a criticism of you Thaedydal. You are only one person and cannot be expected to spend time policing the forum with your other commitments.

Yes I have had a busy weekend esp today as it is my daughter's birthday
and I am sure the other mods too have lives.

There was only two reported posts on that thread,
again re the charter don't' respond to posts report them.

Ludo wrote: »

I do believe there needs to be more mods on this forum though to help you. Maybe I am wrong here but are the other three mods actively involved in the forum? I apologise in advance if they are but I haven't noticed them in a long time.

There are 3 parenting mods myself included, Oscar Bravo is the Cat mod.

Quality

I think that there is a regular pattern of the same trolls coming in on posts to try and upset the masses....


Sueme got abuse for posting a rant because she was upset her child got burnt on an outing, and suddenly its her fault and she is still getting attacked about it on here on feedback...

Its gone beyond a joke really.. It needs to be sorted out asap.

ntlbell

Quality wrote: »

I think that there is a regular pattern of the same trolls coming in on posts to try and upset the masses....


Sueme got abuse for posting a rant because she was upset her child got burnt on an outing, and suddenly its her fault and she is still getting attacked about it on here on feedback...

Its gone beyond a joke really.. It needs to be sorted out asap.

She wasn't "abused" can you quote where she was abused?

people disagreed with her yes. people felt it was a bit of an over reaction on her behalf, she wasn't abused, certainly not by me anyway

Heinrich

Quality wrote: »

I think that there is a regular pattern of the same trolls coming in on posts to try and upset the masses....


Sueme got abuse for posting a rant because she was upset her child got burnt on an outing, and suddenly its her fault and she is still getting attacked about it on here on feedback...

Its gone beyond a joke really.. It needs to be sorted out asap.

She is responsible for her child regardless of whom she wants to blame!

Coming on to a public forum with this type of rant only encourages comment and some may not agree with her agenda.

As for the moderating let me say BRAVO. It is just and correct.

Quality

Heinrich wrote: »

She is responsible for her child regardless of whom she wants to blame!

Coming on to a public forum with this type of rant only encourages comment and some may not agree with her agenda.

As for the moderating let me say BRAVO. It is just and correct.

Well there you go again.

I am sure when sueme sent her child off there were consent forms signed and insurance was adequate. I am sure she sent her child off thinking that there would be adequate supervision for her child.


Your remarks about her being responsible for her child regardless is a load of horlicks.

Marcus.Aurelius

I agree with the bans, having read the threads in question. It seems like high time some of you learned to be more civil in thread.

Honestly, if you can't abide by the charter then you can't expect to be ignored for breaking the rules.

DeVore

I blame the parents....


DeV.

Sherifu

He didn't just? :eek: He did, didn't he?

ntlbell

Marcus.Aurelius wrote: »

I agree with the bans, having read the threads in question. It seems like high time some of you learned to be more civil in thread.

Honestly, if you can't abide by the charter then you can't expect to be ignored for breaking the rules.

as someone who was banned, it's hard to disagree with the ban's and they shouldn't even be in question.

there's some amount of horse sh|t in this thread tho

TequilaMockingBird

DeVore wrote: »

I blame the parents....


DeV.

Post reported.




*No, really I did. Oh sh*t...

Quality

So basically the parenting forum is the place to go to if you want to be replied to by trolls who would like to make you feel like an inadequate parent,

randylonghorn

Quality wrote: »

I am sure when sueme sent her child off there were consent forms signed and insurance was adequate. I am sure she sent her child off thinking that there would be adequate supervision for her child.

Em, no more than yourself, Quality (or indeed Sueme herself) I wasn't on the trip, but a few questions occur.

How do we know that the group weren't reminded to put on their sun cream, or indeed to put on their t-shirts, but she just ignored the warning (no criticism of the child intended, you can't expect a small child to act as a responsible adult).

Was there all that much sun, or did the children perhaps end up more wind-burned than sun-burned, and did the leaders perhaps under-estimate the likelihood?

If Sueme has always been very very careful about applying sun-protection in the past, perhaps her daughter was more susceptible than other children her age?

I'm sorry for the child if it got burned, and was in pain ... I would never like to see any child in discomfort ... and I can understand Sueme feeling the need to get it off her chest, and perhaps people should just have accorded her that privilege and let the thread die, but it does strike me that this is all being blown out of proportion. Insurance ... for a case of relatively mild sunburn?

Quality wrote: »

Your remarks about her being responsible for her child regardless is a load of horlicks.

As a parent, would you not always feel responsible for your child, no matter who might temporarily be looking after them?

Nevyn

DeVore wrote: »

I blame the parents....


DeV.

You can to a point saying they didn't instill good manners in their off spring but there comes a point where adults should cop on and learn good manners for their own sake.

I do at least hope that some of the parents who post in the forum who have Netiquette pass such things on to their offspring.

Nevyn

Quality wrote: »

So basically the parenting forum is the place to go to if you want to be replied to by trolls who would like to make you feel like an inadequate parent,

Quality no it's not and it is something the mods work hard to be viligent against and yes there are certain trolls ( yes I mean ntlbell and magic marker ) who have started posting in parenting after being banned else where, ( really if I was an smod ntlbell would be site banned ) but you Quality were a part in the train wreck of that thread and you should to stop having such knee jerk reactions to report posts and let the mods deal with it.

TequilaMockingBird

randylonghorn wrote: »

How do we know that the group weren't reminded to put on their sun cream, or indeed to put on their t-shirts, but she just ignored the warning (no criticism of the child intended, you can't expect a small child to act as a responsible adult).

Was there all that much sun, or did the children perhaps end up more wind-burned than sun-burned, and did the leaders perhaps under-estimate the likelihood?

If Sueme has always been very very careful about applying sun-protection in the past, perhaps her daughter was more susceptible than other children her age?

I'm sorry for the child if it got burned, and was in pain ... I would never like to see any child in discomfort ... and I can understand Sueme feeling the need to get it off her chest, and perhaps people should just have accorded her that privilege and let the thread die, but it does strike me that this is all being blown out of proportion. Insurance ... for a case of relatively mild sunburn?

As a parent, would you not always feel responsible for your child, no matter who might temporarily be looking after them?

I have bolded the part of this post as it explains exactly my reasoning behind the original post. Nothing more than venting really.

I also agree with the rest of your post Randy - except for the insurance thing, nooooo!

I use some other Parenting specific Forums, and this type of a reaction to a fairly mundane rant would be unheard of. Its left a nasty taste tbh.

(Btw, I'm not sure where I should be posting this reply, its gotten rather confusing now - but seen as people here are discussing me, my child, and my parenting skills, my lack of internet skills etc, I guess here will do.)

randylonghorn

Thaedydal wrote: »

Netiquette

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise ..."

Netiquette a la Rudyard Kipling! :pac:

popebenny16

You know what everyone thinks they're the worlds best parent. Hell, I have a badge that says I'm the best dad in the world. When someone critisises you, it's natural to take it to heart. The thing is you can disagree with those who criticise you without it being insulting or abusive, you can even say " I don't agree with you"

If they keep annoying you, report them, and put them on ignore - that way they'll never rile you. I'm still surprised at how many people dong use the ignore button.

As for harping on about Child Protection law, just mention that you dont think there is one and move on. No point in making such a big deal of it that you get banned. There are many laws we have simply imported, Thayd may know of some really good ones out there and far from making her points invalid, it actually could reinforce them as it shows she had wide experience and a desire to actually look at how things are done elsewhere.

Quality

randylonghorn wrote: »

Em, no more than yourself, Quality (or indeed Sueme herself) I wasn't on the trip, but a few questions occur.

How do we know that the group weren't reminded to put on their sun cream, or indeed to put on their t-shirts, but she just ignored the warning (no criticism of the child intended, you can't expect a small child to act as a responsible adult).

Was there all that much sun, or did the children perhaps end up more wind-burned than sun-burned, and did the leaders perhaps under-estimate the likelihood?

If Sueme has always been very very careful about applying sun-protection in the past, perhaps her daughter was more susceptible than other children her age?

I'm sorry for the child if it got burned, and was in pain ... I would never like to see any child in discomfort ... and I can understand Sueme feeling the need to get it off her chest, and perhaps people should just have accorded her that privilege and let the thread die, but it does strike me that this is all being blown out of proportion. Insurance ... for a case of relatively mild sunburn?

As a parent, would you not always feel responsible for your child, no matter who might temporarily be looking after them?

Thanks for your reply Randy

I feel you have asked very relevant questions there, you have made your comments in a very mature way, without criticism and most of them are very relevant. Well done.

I have to agree with all that is said. I do always feel responsible for my kids, My mother made sure we were instilled with the good aul Irish catholic guilt for anything that went wrong growing up. When my kids are upset I am upset.

Sueme, just wanted to rant. A few little sympathetic answers were given and then there were some whoppers...
"Bubblewrap" FFS.



Anyhow, I dont want to go on about this anymore, I am happy with Thaeds reply to me above. I feel that I have taken her points on board and look forward to next week in Parenting.

I think that it provides very valued feedback to us parents, its nice to have other peoples opinions. Less of the personal attacks and it should run a lot smoother.:)

ntlbell

Thaedydal wrote: »

( really if I was an smod ntlbell would be site banned )

site banned? why are you even bringing this up in this thread?

why would you site ban me?

who would pull you up when you're talking nonsense then?

you just don't like me because I got your number baby.;)