What would YOU do?

jj99

I have been going out with a girl for nearly two years.

This weekend she has said she is going to visit her grandma and stay with her. I confirmed she was staying with her grandma about 5 times.

I went onto the computer today and saw she had looked up a hotel. I called the hotel and a reservation has been made in her name.

She is a liar, and a very good one at this.

How do you confront this / what do you do?

challengemaster

Why exactly are you looking through her things on the computer?
Why do you suspect something?
What are you not telling us?

AngryBadger

Might as well get the ball rolling and ask why you were snooping around on her computer?

Also a reservation in a hotel doesn't automatically equal infidelity.

EDIT: Dam you Challengemaster

GAAman

I would turn up on the door of the hotel room, cant argue her way outta that one

jj99

i wasnt snooping. I use her computer as i dont have my own, just stumbled upon the site she was looking at and got suspicious, (because she really didnt want me to come this w/e etc.)

fuzzywiggle

He might not have been ''looking through her computer'' or snooping. It might have just been in the history.

Anyway I'd just ask her straight out, no point beating around it

Looby_Loo

You must have suspected something to have phoned the hotel. Do you have her grannies number? I would ring her over the weekend and then if your GF is not there confront her when she gets back

studiorat

Man that's the pits.
I'd be out of there like a flash. Really, you don't need that in your life.
It's going to be hard whatever happens, so it's probably better to make the break now. There's lot's of other people out there who aren't going to treat you like that.

And cancel that reservation too...

Marathon Man

GAAman wrote: »

I would turn up on the door of the hotel room, cant argue her way outta that one

Yep thats some good advice. Or turn up at her grandmothers. Or get somebody you know to turn up at the hotel while you head to the grandmothers as you want to 'suprise' her. I wouldn't mention it. Its better to catch someone in the act. If you ask her straight out she will get defensive and try to worm her way out.

pookie82

How's he gonna explain it if he turns up at the hotel room and she's not up to anything suss??? She'll know he checked the computer and doubted her. on the other hand, if she's told her OH she's actually STAYING with the granny, he's bound to catch her out doing somethin she's not supposed to if he goes to the hotel.

Wagon

Ring her granny's house. If she's not there, confront her. Get your answer. If it doesn't completely check out or she gets angry and accuses you of being a bastard for going through her stuff, dump her like a flash and leg it. Bitch.

Dee369369

studiorat wrote: »

And cancel that reservation too...

Ha i like your thinking she'd think he knew but not how much :cool:

really though is the hotel near the grany's house? did she say she was staying at her house or just visiting?
and why are you so suspicious anyway.
i think somethings missing from your post because it's hard to tell if ur over reacting over nothing or with a good reason.fill us in!

Gyalist

jj99 wrote: »

This weekend she has said she is going to visit her grandma and stay with her. I confirmed she was staying with her grandma about 5 times.

Why did you need her to confirm five times where she was saying? Do you two trust each other?

jj99

yes the hotel is near her grannys house, but I made sure that i knew where she was staying and she is def staying in her grannys (according to her)

Karen_*

Tell her you found her booking on the computer. Ask her is she treating her granny to a weekend in a hotel. Just let her know you know about it and be reasonable about it. You are assuming she's up to something and she may very well not be. Just ask her and you'll know!

RedXIV

studiorat wrote: »

Man that's the pits.
I'd be out of there like a flash. Really, you don't need that in your life.
It's going to be hard whatever happens, so it's probably better to make the break now. There's lot's of other people out there who aren't going to treat you like that.

And cancel that reservation too...

Whoa, reign in the bloodthirst there.

As said earlier, making a reservation in a hotel and lying about it is suspicious, it is NOT proof. For example, i used to lie all the time to my mates to meet up with other friends who didn't get on with them just so i wouldn't have to listen to the bitching that ALWAYS followed if i said "i'm going to meet X"

Be honest, tell her you know she has a hotel room booked, but don't be waiting with a noose in hand. honesty is the best policy, don't forget that

darsar

Is the hotel near you too?

I would definately be at that hotel. If she is supposed to stay in her grans and has booked a hotel room, something is definately going on that shouldnt be. I mean anything that would be ok to be doing she should be able to tell you she is staying at the hotel for that reason.

or if you dont want to go as far as going

then say to her that your friend has asked you to meet him at the hotel for a few drinks. See what way she reacts.

dudara

OK, if she is lying to you, then the only way to make a liar tell the truth is to catch them directly in the act. Any other situation and a person who is comfortable with lying will find a way to deflect you.

If I were you, I would visit the hotel. Not to confront her but to see what is happening (maybe sitting in the bar watching the lobby etc).

Sorry that this is happening to you and I hope that your worst fears will not be realised.

Do you already have worries concerning your relationship with her?

jj99

Wont be able to get to the hotel.....
What would you think about calling at say 8 in the morning and trying to get her to answer the phone??

Karen_*

Were you checking her email OP? Or has she got the screen with the booking details minimised? Because the booking wouldn't just pop up on the PC.

If she had them minimised then why on earth wouldn't you just tell her you seen her hotel booking?

darsar

Just to add to my above post, My father was a great liar. My mother and I suspected something going on ( leaving and not returning for days, always had an excuse ... work or whatever) so my mother found flight details in his car and never said anything.

She wouldnt go but i went to the airport and he had no way to lie his way out this time. Had i not gone im sure he would have denied down to the ground and I would have had no solid proof to accuse.

Now this is ust my situation , im not saying your OH is defo doing the dirty but there is only one way to find out what she really is up to.

Please keep us informed as to what happens.

P.S is there any chance that the hotel is in a city and she might be meeting friends you dont like for a night out or something? Are you over protective that she has to lie to have a night out without getting hassle from you??? Just things that im asking myself.

Dudess

Gyalist wrote: »

Why did you need her to confirm five times where she was saying? Do you two trust each other?

+1
And similarly:

jj99 wrote: »

I made sure that i knew where she was staying and she is def staying in her grannys (according to her)

Why did you "make sure"? Was her telling you she was staying at her gran's not enough?
Are you possessive of her? Possessiveness often drives people into the arms of someone else...

Did the hotel say she booked a double room?

jj99

no she goes out on her own all the time, i very open with her and tell her just always to be honest with me, i have no problem with any of her friends and am not overprotective. i will let you know how things pan out!
Thanks for all help

darsar

Dudess wrote: »

Why did you "make sure"? Was her telling you she was staying at her gran's not enough?

Guys im sure he didnt say; are you staying at your grans? Are you sure now? are you 100% sure? x 5 !

Id imagine it came up around five times in conversation and that how he can say it was confirmed five times. Also, obviously her saying she is staying at grans isn't enough, because she obviously isn't.

I know you cant go sniffing her stuff but either he had reason to believe or he genuinely did just come across it

Dudess

jamegg wrote: »

Guys im sure he didnt say; are you staying at your grans? Are you sure now? are you 100% sure? x 5 !
Id imagine it came up around five times in conversation and that how he can say it was confirmed five times.

I was bearing that in mind too, but to remember the specific number is a bit strange - you wouldn't remember the exact number of times something casual and conversational was said. And then the OP posted:

I made sure that i knew where she was staying

Also, obviously her saying she is staying at grans isn't enough, because she obviously isn't.

Well yeah, we know that NOW, but before all this hotel stuff, he didn't have any reason to "make sure he knew where she was staying" and her simply saying she was going to her gran's should have been enough. Having to make sure you know where your partner's staying doesn't sound great when they give you a perfectly plausible answer - unless there was a reason for the OP to believe before all this that she might have been cheating on him. Well OP, was there?

WEST

Some pople seem to think it worse to 'snoop' on a PC rather then lie to your OH about booking a hotel for a weekend. I sometimes use the history to find pages I was browsing so its easy to imagine the OP finding out about the hotel booking on the pc. I guess they are looking of reasons by your OH would of done this in the first place but I think you need to find out what your OH is doing this weekend for your peace of mind.

OP, I hope all goes well. Any chance a close friend could call to the hotel and act as if he\she stayed there a night? I really hope I'm wrong but I can think of more bad reasons than good for your OH to do this.

darsar

Dudess wrote: »

but to remember the specific number is a bit strange - you wouldn't remember the exact number of times something casual and conversational was said. QUOTE]

To be fair he did say 'about five times'.

But still something gives us all the impression there is something missing from this story. Either OP doesnt trust or the OH gave reason. Wait and see!

Dudess

WEST wrote: »

Some pople seem to think it worse to 'snoop' on a PC rather then lie to your OH about booking a hotel for a weekend.

I don't know which is worse really - they're both pretty bad. I suppose though, snooping on them on the PC with some level of evidence or justification isn't as bad as simply doing so for no reason other than being a paranoid, possessive freak.

darsar

The more i think of this the more id love to ring her and say 'Hi how are you and granny getting on' ect.. Let her lie some more and then walk into the hotel and ruin her! :rolleyes:

Ickle Magoo

I think you should just break up & move on tbh...

You think she's lying, you are snooping, you think she's cheating, you are double checking things to see if you can catch her out - seems like complete waste of time as far as a healthy relationship goes. Find someone else you can trust & be happy with & forget about the sleuth work.

MissHoneyBun

I'd be on the phone to Granny quick smart

kowloon

She lied about where she is, that's true, but that does not necessarily mean she is being spitroasted by two strapping young bucks. You need to catch her out. You have knowledge and the time to plan on your side, plan wisely.

vorbis

jj99, I would say that you've run into the same thing I ecountered when I posted here. Pedantic accusations. Also the propensity of some people to assume there is something sinister going on. From your post, I would have said it sounded like things are normal and this is out of the blue.

Her booking a hotel room is very serious unfortunately. If she was surprising her gran I'm pretty sure she would have told you. Its not 100% proof of cheating but theres very few legimate reasons for booking a hotel room and lying to your OH about it. I'm honestly struggling to think of any.

Ring her over the weekend and ask how the weekend is going. If she doesn't tell you about the hotel thing its looking well dodgy. Wait till she comes home before saying it to her. You'll want to see how she reacts to it.

Dudess

vorbis wrote: »

jj99, I would say that you've run into the same thing I ecountered when I posted here. Pedantic accusations. Also the propensity of some people to assume there is something sinister going on. From your post, I would have said it sounded like things are normal and this is out of the blue.

Well the OP said he confirmed five times she was going to her gran, and he "made sure" he knew where she was staying - does that sound like rational behaviour to you? Would you like your partner behaving like that with you? It's completely unreasonable unless he has good reason to mistrust her (not taking his current discovery into account). Well OP, have you? Has she done other stuff to make you suspect her of cheating?

marti101

Whether he trusts her or not she is not going to be where she said she would be ,now if that was yuor bf would you not be suspicious cause i would.Sharing a computer doesnt mean hes snooping i use the history function as well especially if its something i wouldnt be to sure of the name of,your trying to make op feel like hes in the wrong but hes not she is.If he was going through emails thats different but dont wait till she comes home as you are giving her time to get an alibi together.

Dudess

I'm not trying to make out the OP is in the wrong, I'm trying to establish whether she has already done stuff to make him suspicious of her, thus explaining an apparent lack of trust. On the other hand I'm trying to establish whether he is simply quite possessive of her and thus possibly driving her away. I'm also asking whether the hotel said she booked a double room - maybe she simply wanted to stay in a hotel near her gran's instead of her gran's house, as a treat, but chose not to tell him in case he got suspicious/wanted to join her. Maybe she fancied a bit of pampering alone, time out etc. Maybe maybe maybe. There isn't enough to go on, therefore I'm asking questions.

Terra

just a thought but what if she just booked the hotel room for a friend of the granny's that was staying around the area, but didn't know how to use the internet ?

Might have a few guests over and thats why she is staying with granny this weekend.

vorbis

Just as a question to the people backing up the girlfriend. Would you be this understanding if you found out that your OH had secretly booked a hotel room and lied to you about it??

I certainly wouldn't.

And Dudess commenting on "5 times" is pedantic. I'm sure that he was just emphazing that there was no lack of understanding. I'm sure if he said 1 time there would be people here saying that he might have got things mixed up!!

Ickle Magoo

I'd like to think I could give the benefit of the doubt because I had no reason to mistrust & would at least have the courage to broach the subject without needing to resort to entrapment.

Amazotheamazing

if she used bookings.com and he went to type in boards.ie the earlier page would show up in the drop down list, for example. There's loads of ways he could have found out innocently about this so stop pretending it's an issue. The issue here is why his g/f has a room. Maybe there's an innocent reason, but you'd expect she would have mentioned it, so we have to assume there isn't an innocent one.

If we work on that basis, what should he do? He could ignore it, he could break up or he could confirm what the room is being used for and then re-act.

either way, his best option is to find out what the room is for. Personally, I'd ring the hotel from my mobile while I was in the reception and ask to be put through. If she answers, ask her why she's answering a phone in a hotel room while she's at her Grans.

Amazotheamazing

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I'd like to think I could give the benefit of the doubt because I had no reason to mistrust & would at least have the courage to broach the subject without needing to resort to entrapment.

Sure, it's easy to say that when you're not in the situation, but chances are if it did happen to you (or me, or most people) you'd wonder in the exact same way the OP is.

Ickle Magoo

Surely everyone has wondered at least once what the situ is with X, Y or Z while in a relationship...how many people would go to some of lengths suggested here rather than just asking their partner what the story is?

Amazotheamazing

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Surely everyone has wondered at least once what the situ is with X, Y or Z while in a relationship...how many people would go to some of lengths suggested here rather than just asking their partner what the story is?

I would put booking a hotel room on the upper end of the scale, it's a hugely suspicious thing to do and to not mention to your other half.

Ickle Magoo

I'm not disputing that - what I don't understand is why he can't just ask her? He saw a hotel site on the PC, phoned them to check if a booking had been made, now folks are suggesting hiding in hotel lobbies & spying on her - hardly a stable relationship, that was my point. If he can't ask her & he doesn't get a reasonable explanation from the horses mouth, what's any further espionage going to gain?

Hope the OP gets some answers either way.

robjones

This is an interesting one, keen to see how it pans out

Dont make a rush to judgement would be my advice.Im sure all kinds of things are going through your head, and there is probably nothing you can do about that - but just remember you are going out a long time, as you said she goes out without you all the time, so you clearly trust her etc, and while this would seem to be a unwanted development, try your best to keep an open mind.

Should you turn up at the hotel door - probably not, should you call her and suss out her humour etc, yes i think so. no harm in that at all, surely you would be in contact anyway if the hotel issue had never come up.

Failing all that - give me the hotel details and a recent picture and I will suss out the situation for you :cool:

jj99

Thanks for all your help everyone. This is really hurting me. im going to try and call the hotel this morning and ask them to put me through to her. Just to make sure she is there and see what she says if she answers. Your posts have been helpful and i will let you know how it pans out. JJ

darsar

jj99 wrote: »

Thanks for all your help everyone. This is really hurting me. im going to try and call the hotel this morning and ask them to put me through to her. Just to make sure she is there and see what she says if she answers. Your posts have been helpful and i will let you know how it pans out. JJ

I think this is the best option but just be ready for her excuses when you ask why is she there and why she lied. She most likely wont just say 'ok sorry i lied'.

She may even hurl accusations of you sniffing through her stuff but you know you haven't so its important for you to stay calm.If you don't get the answers you need, you really need to make a decision on your future imo.

davyjose

Dudess wrote: »

I don't know which is worse really - they're both pretty bad. I suppose though, snooping on them on the PC with some level of evidence or justification isn't as bad as simply doing so for no reason other than being a paranoid, possessive freak.

If she's sleeping around, then the hotel thing is clearly worse. his gf might be p!ssed off at him for snooping, but at least there is no reason to suggest he's cheating from it.

bored and tired

jj99 wrote: »

Thanks for all your help everyone. This is really hurting me. im going to try and call the hotel this morning and ask them to put me through to her. Just to make sure she is there and see what she says if she answers. Your posts have been helpful and i will let you know how it pans out. JJ

jj99 how did things pan out, did she pick up the phone, you must be hurting if she did,
dont go through things alone, speak to a friend or just rant on here to get things off your chest.

darsar

Any chance of telling j? Few people would love to know what happened!

Wibbs

I know we're all interested to see how a story pans out, but its not a soap opera either.