Lets have a real discussion on Bisexuality

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I was wondering if I could seek out some other gay/bi mens/womens opinions on bisexuality. As a gay guy myself I am having trouble deciding wether it actually exists or not. I don't mean for one second to offend anyone, but I am now verging on the 'its a myth' theory.

I know there are countless people who claim to be bi but I have never ever met one of them. Any guy I know who has claimed to be bi at some stage comes out as gay and I find it perplexing that at the age of 27 having travelled the world, been in the world of work and college have never ever met one bisexual person. I'm dismissing bisexuality but I do find it gets bandied about very loosely as a sort of half truth in coming out. People use it as a safegaurd against being tagged gay, a sort of one foot out the door method.

This is all my own personal experience and I would love some feedback from people about this and indeed a honest discussion about it. Cheers

LegacyUser

To be honest mate, I suppose I can see where you're coming from, but I can quite honestly say I'm attracted to both sexes. I've always liked girls, took me a while to realise I liked boys as well, but that didn't change my appreciation of the fairer sex!

Look at it this way, I'm unregistered, anonymous; if I was gay I could quite freely say it here without anyone ever knowing who I am. I have no reason to pretend to be bisexual. I just am!

Cokehead Mother

You are not homosexual.

Hmm_Messiah

you have to decide if it exists or not ?
you get to make that decision

strange

Nevyn

I have never meet a polar bear that does not mean they do not exsist.
And really I suggest you go and live life and get some more experience then spouting rubbish about bisexuality not exsisting.

also learn to use the search function.

LegacyUser

Well hello and here is one!

You have NEVER met one?? Surely you have at least met one that claims to be bi, even if youve decided that they are not... I find people who deny the fact of bisexuality seem to be insecure in themselves or want to know that their being gay is stronger or better than being bi and trying to have the cake and eat it!

ive no doubt at all that there are lots of gay guys that are calling themselves bi because they have the courage to admit to a gay side but dont want to be labelled gay as you said. Some of these people with prbably come out as being gay in the future and some might just continue to give the rest of us bi's a bad name lol.

I have gone through a lot of self analysis wondering if I'm in face straight or gay and if this bi thing is really me. At the age of 29 I am not 100% sure that I'm bi. I have genuine feelings for both sexes and enjoy sex with both males and females. When I first had sex with a guy i thought it was great and for a while I began to think ''this was it'' and I wouldnt want a woman again. But then a few months later I met a girl out one night and one thing let to another and i went out with her for 8 months!

I dont know what % of me is which side, I have had more male sexual partners than females... but have been in more relationships with women. I'm currently seeing a guy and when in a relationship, I have absolutely no interest in women or other men.

I've found that when I go out with a guy, after a while my friends will start to say "Oh so you're actually a gay and not a bi" and this drives me nuts!

A lot of gay guys have problems with guys who like both surf & turf

Nevyn

I would never claim to be Bi, I am Bisexual.

KeyLimePie

I've met a few girls who claim they're bi but never met a girl
I chalk that down to attention seeking

I know 2 guys who've both has sex with guys and girls, but i've never seen them in a meaningful relationship and they just seem to be, not mincing words here, but w-h-o-r-e-s

And then I know guys who's had sex with girls then admitted to themselves they were gay

Personally I wouldn't go out with someone who's bi i just can't deal with it

But bisexuality does exist...but i've yet to meet someone who isn't a whore and bi:)

Talliesin

The biggest problem with bigots like this is that they can always twist things around to "prove" that we don't exist on a case-by-case basis.

In a long-term monogamous relationship, well then you're just gay or just straight (depending on which sex your partner is).

In a long-term open relationship, well then you're just gay or just straight (depending on which sex your partner isn't) and sleeping with the sex you're really into on the side.

Not in a relationship, well then you're just confused or just a slut.

Famous bisexuals get shifted to one side or the other (Oscar Wilde is almost always referred to as gay, though it doesn't take much of a look into his romances with women to see that he did have a genuine attraction to them too) or even shifted to both (Josephine Baker gets described as both gay and straight depending on different versions!) or just dismissed as a pervert generally (Aleister Crowley for example).

Hell. It's not like these are minor figures. Wilde's a pretty important writer. Baker was an important performer and a hero of the civil rights movement (without which little gay boys like you wouldn't get to go around acting like you know something about bisexuals because you'd be having to keep your mouth shut since I just know you'd be too much of a coward to have been out pre-Stonewall) and a decorated agent of the French Resistance; she's famous three times over. Crowley's influenced more religions than most people can name. Seriously well known people, having relationships with both men and women and yet there are still monosexuals who persist in telling us that we don't exist, and then this one has the cheek to say he doesn't "mean for one second to offend anyone" while he takes it up himself to decide whether we're all a bunch of liars.

How exactly am I not supposed to be offended by some little troll who calling me a liar - and hence dishonourable - because in his oh so long time on this planet (get over yourself child, at 27 you haven't even hit your Saturn Return) few bisexuals have been stupid enough to be out to him (I met a few people I know are bisexual this week, and I haven't even gone to anything scene-related).

Ah, it's a safeguard against being tagged as gay. Well, that's served me well when I've had ****ers trying to queer-bash me. Funny I still had to give them a kicking.

Yeah, I feel so safe having to deal with exactly the same number of homophobic straights as a gay man along with biphobic gays and the straight bigots who find bisexuals more of a threat because we're harder to pigeon-hole.

LegacyUser

I love how I started this thread with a DISCLAIMER saying I didn't mean to offend and hey presto a number of replies are filled with venom. All I wanted was a true bisexual person to descirbe their attraction from an honest viewpoint for both sexes.

Quite how anyone can see that as trolling is beyond me. And I didn't use the word liar once. Rather than helping me understand more you've just made yourself look defensive and petty. I wasn't looking for an argument, I wanted a discussion on what it was like to be bi to help me understand it more as Ive never encountered a bi person in my life (thats not my fault)

I'm requesting for the thread to be locked now. There is no point in even continuing this pathetic onslaught of 'how dare you's' when I made it perfectly clear at the beginning that I wasn't out to offend. Alot of you certainly dont seem comfortable to discuss your sexualities in a frank honest and polite manner if it becomes a slanging match i.e. 'you little gayboys...'

Childish and pathetic, goodbye.

fozzle

*pokes finger in own face*
Yup. I exist.

Not sure if this is just trolling, seems like a lot of effort to go to to just wind people up. I'll give the benefit of the doubt for now.

This kind of attitude is a large part of why I had such hideous problems coming to terms with who I am. Hell, for years I was a very vocal member of the "Bisexuality doesnt exist" brigade. Because of attitudes like the ops, which were almost all I experienced growing up, I was convinced that it had to be true, and therefore I thought I was a horrible liar when I thought I liked both. So greedy and indecisive. Bullcrap of course.

Anyway, no, we don't have to pidgeon hole ourselves. If that makes you uncomfortable, tough. I don't care. Frankly, I think a person's sexual orientation should be of interest to their partner an no-one else.

Oh, and OP, trust me, being labled as "bi" has never been a safeguard in my experience. Instead (in my vast experience as a 26 year old who has travelled extensively and experienced the "gay scene" in a number of countries) I have found it has been counted against me, as both straight and gay aquaintances have mistrusted me based on it.

Anyway, hi. I'm Mary. Now we have "met". I am bisexual, so congratulations, you've now expanded your life experience and met one of the dreaded bisexuals. Happy now?

Weidii

I can kind of understand where the whole "bis don't exist" thing comes from, because it can be a confusing sexuality to don.

You'll hear most bi-folk talk of how they stumbled through their teens, not really knowing which gender was for them.

I'm bi and I convinced myself I was straight 'til I was 19.

You say you've never met a bisexual, but I think they might be a bit more prevalent than you'd think. In a homophobic world, it's easier for bisexuals to pretend -to those around them and to themselves- that they're straight than to "come out" for what they really are. They won't necessarily be "on the scene" or appear to be different to anyone else. Hell, you might even meet a bisexual who is comfortable with it, but the topic of conversation mightn't come up, so you might never know a thing.


You think you've never met a bisexual, but I'm sure you've encountered many.

Cupcake_Crisis

i know someone who told certian ppl they were gay, and certian ppl that they were bi, because they werent sure how they react, so i can see how ppl assume its a scapegoat for ppl who dont want to fully come out.

but i do genuinely believe that bisexuality really 'exsists'. some ppl are attracted to both sexes, theres no two ways about it. Is a shame that its become somewhat of a fashion trend of late because its really done a lot of harm to bisexual community.

redcrew

I think that a person is attracted to another person and that gender is just one characteristic of that person (so is hair colour and sense of humour). I've been saying this I was 12 and being called gay by friends slagging (I've had a few gay moments but in the end decided that it's not for me).

I think that if you are truly attracted to the person that that is all that matters but I don't think that being bisexual is an excuse to cheat on your partner to satisfy needs from another gender.

I think all these terms, even gay, are dangerous. I've had moments where I've wanted to kiss female friends who in general I wouldn't be attracted to but at that moment might be...if a gay guy has the same feeling what happens then? is he no longer gay? or does he become bisexual?

In short, I do believe that people can be bisexual.

Talliesin

CURIOUS2SEE wrote: »

I love how I started this thread with a DISCLAIMER saying I didn't mean to offend and hey presto a number of replies are filled with venom.

Great. So if someone says, "hey, I don't mean to offend, but gays are filthy perverts and shouldn't be allowed to be employeed in schools" then that would be okay?

How about if a queer-basher said he didn't mean to offend before kicking your head in?

Remember that from my point of view there really isn't any difference between you and a homophobe, your just another bigot whose got an issue with my sexual orientation.

The point of "little gay boys" is to refer to the society we used to have before some people fought for YOUR civil rights, and that since some of them were bisexual your bigotry is particularly disgusting.

You're a bigot. Your bigotry is offensive. Disclaimers aren't going to stop that.

Sapien

Curious2see wrote: »

Hey guys,

I was wondering if I could seek out some other gay/bi mens/womens opinions on bisexuality. As a gay guy myself I am having trouble deciding wether it actually exists or not. I don't mean for one second to offend anyone, but I am now verging on the 'its a myth' theory.

I know there are countless people who claim to be bi but I have never ever met one of them. Any guy I know who has claimed to be bi at some stage comes out as gay and I find it perplexing that at the age of 27 having travelled the world, been in the world of work and college have never ever met one bisexual person. I'm dismissing bisexuality but I do find it gets bandied about very loosely as a sort of half truth in coming out. People use it as a safegaurd against being tagged gay, a sort of one foot out the door method.

This is all my own personal experience and I would love some feedback from people about this and indeed a honest discussion about it. Cheers

Bisexuality is significantly more common in women. It is true that guys often use bisexuality as a lay-over on the way to gay-ville, but studies show that there are men who remain consistently attracted to, and sexually active with men and women.

Advancements in understanding of human sexuality indicate that male homosexuality is attributable to a combination of genetic characteristics that result in "androphilia" (attraction to men), which also makes women more fertile (i.e. the gay man's mother and sisters). It is possible that the presence of some of these genetic characteristics can cause partial androphilia - in other words, bisexuality. Male sexuality is generally fixed, excepting "coming out", and psychological and social issues of identity.

Female sexuality, on the other hand, is attributed to environmental factors, and is seen to be fluid over the course of the woman's life. In other words, a woman's sexuality can change, or, all women are potentially bisexual. Good news for our lesbian friends.

Weidii

Sapien wrote: »

Female sexuality, on the other hand, is attributed to environmental factors, and is seen to be fluid over the course of the woman's life. In other words, a woman's sexuality can change, or, all women are potentially bisexual. Good news for our lesbian friends.

Interesting. I did read an article in a science magazine recently that said that they knew that male homosexuality was genetic but they still hadn't figured females out. It's so strange how it's different for both genders.

I bet those facts will lead to more "homosexuality is a choice" bs.

Sapien

Weidii wrote: »

Interesting. I did read an article in a science magazine recently that said that they knew that male homosexuality was genetic but they still hadn't figured females out. It's so strange how it's different for both genders.

I bet those facts will lead to more "homosexuality is a choice" bs.

Or that heterosexuality is a choice (for women at least).

jaffa20

Weidii wrote: »

Interesting. I did read an article in a science magazine recently that said that they knew that male homosexuality was genetic but they still hadn't figured females out. It's so strange how it's different for both genders.

I bet those facts will lead to more "homosexuality is a choice" bs.

oh so homosexuality is genetic now?? where can i find this article.. i really don't think they can prove that.

Rock Climber

Right so.
couple of important points.
I have to be blunt to make these points as I think it's the only way I can get them across unambigiously.

I am Male.
I love cóck
I also love pússy.
I exist and I'm pretty sure lots like me exist.

I'm not in some sort of quasi area that is a half way house to me coming out as gay.I already know what I am and I am fine with that.
I do think that some gay lads don't like people like me for false reasons.
Maybe it's because they think if I commit to them,that I'll eye up some woman and run off with them dumping the bloke.

Newsflash-thats not how it works.I'll only leave if it doesn't work.
If I'm with you at all,it means I want to be and I'd hope you would too.
The rest is the fun we have together..simple as.
I'm perfectly happy with the concept of settling down with a bloke i want to be with just as I am with a girl.
Qué sera sera!

stupidfishy

if bisexuality doesnt exist then i sapose trans gendered people dont exist either... ya fall inlove with who they are not what they are!

Aurora Borealis

I think it's ridiculous to propose sexual preference denotes increased sexual activity. I also truly believe sexuality can not be neatly defined, it can fluctuate even on an individual basis from time to time and is no less genuine for this. I think Kinsey was probably on to something with his scale.

ellenmelon

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

I think it's ridiculous to propose sexual preference precludes increased sexual activity. I also truly believe sexuality can not be neatly defined, it can fluctuate even on an individual basis from time to time and is no less genuine for this. I think Kinsey was probably on to something with his scale.

totally agree.

gogglebok

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

I also truly believe sexuality can not be neatly defined, it can fluctuate even on an individual basis from time to time and is no less genuine for this.

I agree with the thrust of this, as it were. People should be allowed to define their own sexuality, without attacks or scepticism, and if they want to redefine it from time to time that is nobody's business but theirs.

I find scepticism about bisexuality particularly hard to understand, given the evidence all around us of people sleeping or having slept with both men and women. I think the problem is trying to impose a binary model on a more complex truth. If you start out thinking that the two valid categories are gay and straight, then a freeze frame will show bisexuals as one or the other, depending on who they're scoping at the time.

This makes no more sense to me than dividing us all into shortosexuals and tallosexuals, and decidng when I marry someone short that I have finally stopped flirting with (or hiding behind) a bogus tallosexuality.

If you go further, as I do, and believe that the categories "man" and "woman" are themselves too restrictive to cover the reality, the scepticism about bisexuality becomes literally meaningless.

HouseHippo

Greetings. You say you have never met a bi person well hello!
I'm proudly bi! I'll shout it from the roof tops!

Ive had relationships with both girls and guys since I was 12!(im a girl)

I love boobs,I love penis.I could fall in love with a girl as easily as I could fall in love with a guy. Im not gay, I know that for defo.But i'm not straight. I came out at 14 as bi!


I had so much trouble in school etc so there would be no reason for me to go through that struggle just for the sake of saying i'm bi.


At the end of the day what I care about is the persons soul.If I meet a good, sweet funny attractive person their genitals make no difference to me. As long as we can satisfy each other.
Its not a myth. It is called the Lesbian Gay Bi-Sexual Transexual Society for a reason.

We do exist.We are out there and we are proud. We are here We aren't totally queer GET USED TO IT!

DubArk

I am if you want to pigeon hole me, a Gay man.

I have lived in the US and the UK for about 18 years in all.
I have travelled most of this planet, now living back in Ireland.
In my travels I have met many people and I have met loads of bisexual men and women.

I really find it hard to believe that anyone could even question the existence of Bisexual people.

Boston

HouseHippo wrote: »

At the end of the day what I care about is the persons soul.If I meet a good, sweet funny attractive person their genitals make no difference to me. As long as we can satisfy each other.
Its not a myth. It is called the Lesbian Gay Bi-Sexual Transexual Society for a reason.

Have you heard much about pansexuality? I personally don't feel the same attraction towards men as I do women. I feel a different, some times equal, often times not, attraction to each.

amoeba_girl

Huh, now... I don't necessarily consider myself bisexual, so I don't know how much my opinion really matters in this context, but for the longest time I thought maybe the same as you that bisexuality didn't exist, that it was just another way of saying confused, or unsure, or on the fence or a way of coming out that was easier since you were still straight when it mattered, but that you also fit in with the 'gay crowd', basically all the reasons people think that bisexuality doesn't exist I thought too at one stage or another, but, since I went to college and joined my LGBT I've met so many bisexuals, most of whom I've only ever seen with people of their own sex, and who by their own admission only really sleep with or go out with people of their own sex maybe due to social stigma but I think mostly due to that's what they/are were into at the time, I think maybe too depending on the social circles in which one travels it's more common in some for bisexuals to appear completely homosexual, a gay community might be the main place some bisexuals interact and socialise, maybe that's what's happened with the OP.

Through my other social outlets where most of my friends are 'straight' I've met many bona fide bisexuals and who openly seek out people of both genders for love, sex, or whatever, hell, I'm going out with one of them, and I'm sure now it definitely does exist, and once again to the defence of the OP, a lot of people do initially come out as bisexual and when they're more confidant or comfortable in themselves or when they're done exploring or however you want to look at it, they settle on an orientation that suits them better, so it's not fair to attack someone like you guys have been doing when that's all they've ever experienced or seen, it is VERY common. It's exactly that kind of reaction that closes peoples minds. I know a lot of people that identify as bisexual reply with hostility when questioned, a hostile response only breeds hostility in return, (if he's not trolling) the OP was just looking to understand better - maybe have people share their experiences, I mean he didn't exactly write using antagonistic language or throwing around insults, though he may have been a little blunt, what's wrong with that if it means we can speak directly and openly and with less confusion?



..... people need to be a bit less sensitive....


Also I believe the term bisexuality can be used to describe so many different orientations, like for example like the kinsey scale, or like when people call themselves bisexual because, say, they'll sleep with both sexes, but might only have the ability to love one, or because even though they'd never sleep with one gender might have the ability to fancy them, or that they actively have both physical and emotional attractions to both genders, it's kinda impossible to pin down and discredit or credit people on their innermost desires. All sorts of feelings exist, there isn't now, nor do I believe will there ever exist proof.

Anyway that's my 2 cents, I know my response was a bit all over the place.... I just wanted to get everything in..... I'm also not here to attack anyone I'm just hoping the OP hasn't run from the topic with a much lesser opinions of bisexuals...

mattyboy20

Jesus Christ, would you people give this guy a break? He is simply questioning whether bisexuality exists or not. There's no need to jump down his throat. Some of the replies on here have been downright rude. Cop on and give the guy a break.

david_the_great

i hate this kind of thing- i am gay myself and i totally beleive that as far as being bisexual goes- it is a sexuality in itself- i dont think its just coincidence that so many ppl in the world go for two sexes- i just hate the way ppl always say that theyt are just confused or "haven't decided yet" because it is like they are fighting the same battle we have fought for a recognised status!

sometimes i understand bisexuality more thsan i understand being gay or straight- and sometimes i wish i could fall in love with just anyone"!

Weidii

jaffa20 wrote: »

oh so homosexuality is genetic now?? where can i find this article.. i really don't think they can prove that.

It was a small article in this years May or June edition of Focus magazine.

What makes you think they can't prove it?