HELP!. I'm so worried....

LegacyUser

I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost six months now. I class sexual health very important and I'm careful, by being checked before after going out with someone and making sure as best I can that they're clear too (by the way, I've only slept with two other guys and they were people I had been friends with for a long time and knew well).

Before I had intercourse with my current boyfriend, I got checked and got the all clear on everything. He told me that he was completely clear too and never had an STD.
I dislike condoms and limit sex to when I'm in a proper relationship (and I go on the pill).

Here's the dilemma-he told last night that 3 years ago he contracted a type of genital warts that only shows up on guys. (and 'doesn't affect girls'). I'm so worried about this. He said that they haven't shown up since (he thinks he's 'cured'). From what I know about viruses etc, they will always remain in one's system and can be passed on. I'm really afraid that I now have this virus and if I sleep with another partner, I'll pass the virus on to them. Ie- any guy I ever sleep with again without a condom will sprout hideous warts (and my boyfriend said they were really bad).

We've been sleeping together for a while now, using only the pill as protection as I trusted what he said about not having an STD. Do you think I now most certainly have the virus now?.

Wurly

Cursed.He lied. wrote: »

Here's the dilemma-he told last night that 3 years ago he contracted a type of genital warts that only shows up on guys. .

Why the hell didnt he tell you this before??? That is absolutely disgraceful and he should be more than ashamed of himself. Especially due to the fact that you are so careful, which im sure you told him.

Get yourself to a GUM clinic immediately. I think there is a sticky somewhere on this forum with details. No-one can speculate whether you have or haven't got them. Who knows? You need to get checked out.

Now, that's one solution. Next problem is, are you happy to stay in a relationship with someone who has so little regard for your health? My good god, I cant believe anyone could do that on someone else.

Wibbs

Cursed.He lied. wrote: »

he told last night that 3 years ago he contracted a type of genital warts that only shows up on guys. (and 'doesn't affect girls').

No being of a medical background, the obvious question would still be if it doesn't affect "girls" how the hell did he contract it, from an oak tree?

We've been sleeping together for a while now, using only the pill as protection as I trusted what he said about not having an STD. Do you think I now most certainly have the virus now?.

You need to go to your GP or an STD clinic if you would feel embarrassed about seeing your GP as soon as possible and get yourself checked and hopefully be given the all clear. Hopefully that will be that but if not they will start treatment sooner rather than later.

Go back to using condoms of course, if you still want to sleep with him. I wouldn't personally. TBH I would be incredibly píssed off if that happened to me with a woman I trusted. Game over, there's the door, you're dumped would be the order of the day. At least for me. My health sexual or otherwise is the most important thing to me and if someone even through ignorance of the situation exposed me to a threat to my health, that would be it. No way back. Good bye.

I feel for you.

Feelgood

In fairness at least he did tell you. Look at it this way, your with him six months thats not very long. Its not exactly easy for a guy to tell a girl he only knows 6 months that oh yeah I had genital warts??. Fair play to him for coming clean if you ask me, a bit late yeah but he obviously has your health in mind.

The body is a marvelous thing, it has a wonderful way of healing itself and 3 years was a long time ago in fairness. Chances are that he is perfectly clean and fine but yeah get yourself checked out, don't worry so much about it until you hear bad news.

I can see why you would be annoyed over that, but he still did the right thing in my opinion. Like I said its not easy for a guy to come out and say something like that. He probably thought that he would lose all chance of a relationship with you if he told you straight away. Took a bit of time to get to know you better before laying it on you.

Clare Bear

Feelgood wrote: »

In fairness at least he did tell you. Look at it this way, your with him six months thats not very long. Its not exactly easy for a guy to tell a girl he only knows 6 months that oh yeah I had genital warts??. Fair play to him for coming clean if you ask me, a bit late yeah but he obviously has your health in mind.

The body is a marvelous thing, it has a wonderful way of healing itself and 3 years was a long time ago in fairness. Chances are that he is perfectly clean and fine but yeah get yourself checked out, don't worry so much about it until you hear bad news.

I can see why you would be annoyed over that, but he still did the right thing in my opinion. Like I said its not easy for a guy to come out and say something like that. He probably thought that he would lose all chance of a relationship with you if he told you straight away. Took a bit of time to get to know you better before laying it on you.

It's not easy for a guy to tell someone that? I'm sure it isn't easy to tell someone you have Aids either so should you just wait 6 months before telling your partner everything?! How easy do you think it is for the OP to go get herself checked out now thinking she might have contracted something horrible! He should have told her before they slept together full stop!

Wibbs

Feelgood I do take your point about the whole embarassment in telling her, but and it's a big but, he should have used a condom, if he knew he was infected. Plus he should have gone to a doctor who would have told him that genital warts(if that's what he had/has) are transmittable to anyone he sleeps with. At best he's a thick as a brick.

I really can't see what excuse he can possibly give in the circumstances.

Kazobel

Feelgood wrote: »

In fairness at least he did tell you. Look at it this way, your with him six months thats not very long. Its not exactly easy for a guy to tell a girl he only knows 6 months that oh yeah I had genital warts??. Fair play to him for coming clean if you ask me, a bit late yeah but he obviously has your health in mind.

The body is a marvelous thing, it has a wonderful way of healing itself and 3 years was a long time ago in fairness. Chances are that he is perfectly clean and fine but yeah get yourself checked out, don't worry so much about it until you hear bad news.

I can see why you would be annoyed over that, but he still did the right thing in my opinion. Like I said its not easy for a guy to come out and say something like that. He probably thought that he would lose all chance of a relationship with you if he told you straight away. Took a bit of time to get to know you better before laying it on you.

Yeah and he could just as easily have kept it quiet until now but insist they use a condom for his peice of mind but he didn't did he? he didn't do the right thing at all, all this time he knew he was risking infecting her and the possibility of a bruised ego is no excuse for that.

To the OP, you'll never know unless you get checked. The longer you leave it the more it'll eat at you so you're best off just getting it over and done with and also reassessing whether the relationship is worth hanging on to, this was a big lie who's to say what else he's keeping hidden?

If your too immature to talk about sex without getting embarrassed, your too immature to be having sex.

If I were you op I'd dump his arse after inflicting a chinese sunburn on his cock. I don't see how you could ever trust him again.

AFAIK gential warts can be passed on even if you use a condom.

Wibbs

Moonbaby, ease up on the oul willy violence references. Charter and all that

Wibbs

Moonbaby wrote: »

If your too immature to talk about sex without getting embarrassed, your too immature to be having sex.

Quoted for truth.

If I were you op I'd dump his arse. I don't see how you could ever trust him again.

Two for two.

AFAIK gential warts can be passed on even if you use a condom.

I seem to remember reading that too. It would reduce the risk by a lot though.

Feelgood

Folks you talking 3 years ago here, there are people that had cancer 3 years ago and don't have it now!. The guy came clean late yeah, but at the end of the day he is being honest.

He knows his own body and has probably slept with other people in the last 3 years also before the OP and the problem hasn't come back so I'd say he is pretty sure it was a once off problem, but he still had the balls to come out and tell her there was a problem. It takes a big man to do that and there are a lot of guys that wouldn't even bother and just let the girl think that she was the one with the problem.

Not being sexiest with your guys but in fairness everyone that replied here so far is female and well you tend to blow everything out of proportion just a smidgen and worry too much about things that turn out to be nothing..

€50 says the OP gets checked out and she is fine....

Bottle_of_Smoke

I dont think condoms have much affect on warts, but afaik the body can purge it from the system once the person has a healthy immune system

Kazobel

Feelgood wrote: »

Folks you talking 3 years ago here, there are people that had cancer 3 years ago and don't have it now!. The guy came clean late yeah, but at the end of the day he is being honest.

He knows his own body and has probably slept with other people in the last 3 years also before the OP and the problem hasn't come back so I'd say he is pretty sure it was a once off problem, but he still had the balls to come out and tell her there was a problem. It takes a big man to do that and there are a lot of guys that wouldn't even bother and just let the girl think that she was the one with the problem.

Not being sexiest with your guys but in fairness everyone that replied here so far is female and well you tend to blow everything out of proportion just a smidgen and worry too much about things that turn out to be nothing..

€50 says the OP gets checked out and she is fine....

No it takes a real man to come clean in the first place, what he did was hide a potential infection from her at the risk of her becoming infected, he did nothing to be commended for and in fairness should be ditched as soon as possible. Oh and worrying about STD's, yeah that's blowing things out of proportion :rolleyes:

SarahSassy

In my book, there is no excusing this... The guy has a STD and is having unprotected sex with his girlfriend. He did not advise her of this 'previous' condition and in reality he lied cos he told her he was all clear...

Whether or not you have the virus I dont think I could trust him to be honest going forward... Your sexual health is obviously very important to you, you were honest with him but he didnt return the favour - its black and white as far as I can see.

Sadly maybe there is a lesson to be learned by everyone here... Can you ever truly trust someone else with your sexual health....

SS

SarahSassy

Feelgood wrote: »

Not being sexiest with your guys but in fairness everyone that replied here so far is female and well you tend to blow everything out of proportion just a smidgen and worry too much about things that turn out to be nothing..

What an ignorant and infantile comment. Am sure you would be cool, calm and collected if there was the potential that someone had given you a dose of the clap and lied about it. to your face...

SS

PS you are being sexist!!!

estar

from what i have read

there are many different types of genital warts
all of which affect both genders.

and most of which stay in your system forever if
you have contracted it and may come back at any time.
also it can take a few months for them to show up.

the only saving feature of this story is

a) well thank god he eventually did tell you
b) the fact that he doesnt have any active warts
may make it less likely you have contracted it.

the betrayal and the hurt are the worst things.

go to a sexual health clinic.

Clare Bear

Feelgood wrote: »

Folks you talking 3 years ago here, there are people that had cancer 3 years ago and don't have it now!. The guy came clean late yeah, but at the end of the day he is being honest.

He knows his own body and has probably slept with other people in the last 3 years also before the OP and the problem hasn't come back so I'd say he is pretty sure it was a once off problem, but he still had the balls to come out and tell her there was a problem. It takes a big man to do that and there are a lot of guys that wouldn't even bother and just let the girl think that she was the one with the problem.

Not being sexiest with your guys but in fairness everyone that replied here so far is female and well you tend to blow everything out of proportion just a smidgen and worry too much about things that turn out to be nothing..

€50 says the OP gets checked out and she is fine....

Females replying to this thread, big deal, what he did was wrong, he should have told her before they had sex. He doesn't know for sure if it's cleared up or not, he's not a doctor.

Feelgood, no offence but it's people like you with such an easy going "Ah shur it'll be grand" attitude that spread these kind of things.

CathyMoran

Feelgood wrote: »

Folks you talking 3 years ago here, there are people that had cancer 3 years ago and don't have it now!. The guy came clean late yeah, but at the end of the day he is being honest.

He knows his own body and has probably slept with other people in the last 3 years also before the OP and the problem hasn't come back so I'd say he is pretty sure it was a once off problem, but he still had the balls to come out and tell her there was a problem. It takes a big man to do that and there are a lot of guys that wouldn't even bother and just let the girl think that she was the one with the problem.

Not being sexiest with your guys but in fairness everyone that replied here so far is female and well you tend to blow everything out of proportion just a smidgen and worry too much about things that turn out to be nothing..

€50 says the OP gets checked out and she is fine....

While some forms of cancer can be caused by a virus it is not a virus - it is not infectious!

I agree that the OP should get tested and dump the looser as he has at the very least put her at risk.

Wibbs

Feelgood wrote: »

Folks you talking 3 years ago here, there are people that had cancer 3 years ago and don't have it now!.

That's cool and the chances are good she'll be alright as the infectious time reduces over time. That's all fine and dandy, but he didn't know that. In fact he's woefully ignorant of the whole thing. The stuff about it doesn't affect women makes that obvious. As far as he knew he could be the STD version of typhoid mary, yet he took no responsibility for her health.

The guy came clean late yeah, but at the end of the day he is being honest.

Honesty has a timescale were health is involved.

He knows his own body and has probably slept with other people in the last 3 years also before the OP and the problem hasn't come back so I'd say he is pretty sure it was a once off problem,

He knows hi own body? You're joking surely? So he knows if he has a disease or not. Better inform the STD clinics, their work is clearly done. And what about the women he was sleeping with in the interim, when he was likely more infectious?

but he still had the balls to come out and tell her there was a problem.

Cool. A bit too late though.

It takes a big man to do that and there are a lot of guys that wouldn't even bother and just let the girl think that she was the one with the problem.

I'd consider him a bigger man if he told her before they slept together, or of he felt dodgy about that, insist on a condom.

Not being sexiest with your guys but in fairness everyone that replied here so far is female

Ehhh Nope. I'm a bloke. If I'm not then I'm the one with a PI and a serious hormonal imbalance.

and well you tend to blow everything out of proportion just a smidgen and worry too much about things that turn out to be nothing..

Hey I'm as unreconstructed chauvanist as the next fella but rolleyes wouldn't do that justice in this case. If she took a strop because he didn't notice her new shoes. Hey we're on the same page, but not if he knowingly exposed a women he probably claims to love to an STD. An std that is implicated in cervical cancer. Eh no. If that's out of proportion then fit me for a dress and a pair of blahnics, I'm a chick.

AngryBadger

I'd be inclined to get myself checked regardless of what he's saying OP.

Re: genital warts. It's not a virus that women "don't get", generally a healthy persons body will clear the virus in time and warts will not occur again unless the person contracts them from another partner.

Go get yourself checked and to have this verified for you since I'm not a medical professional so don't take my word for it.

Pherekydes

Feelgood wrote: »

...a bit late yeah but he obviously has your health in mind.

If he had her health in mind then he would have come clean BEFORE they had sex.

Feelgood wrote: »

Took a bit of time to get to know you better before laying it on you.

Nope. He laid it on her right away. Hopefully she gets tested and gets the all clear.

OP, it's your call, but another vote for the dump from me.




/Another male perspective, by the way.

maryjmul

are you off your head you are talking about a woman who cared enough about future potential partners and herself by getting checked,women don't always blow things out of proportion don't you know that genital warts have been linked to cervical cancer in women if i was in her shoes id dump his sorry arse ,she is not a woman who puts it about and does not deserve to be treated like this by anyone and while we are on the subject she will be wasting her €50 going to the gp as he will only refer her to the GUM clinic anyway

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

Moonbaby, ease up on the oul willy violence references. Charter and all that

Ouh I thought I was doing good because I left a few colourful descriptions out. I suppose I better thing read that charter thing.

Feelgood

Right let me ask you all a very simple question - your moms and dads, their moms and dads so on, so fourth had or are maybe still have unprotected sex for the last say 80 odd years. Your talking about times that there were no "french letters" or STD clinics or even drugs or medicines to cure such diseases!.

How come the majority of them are all still alive and well?. Have they had any bits fall off?. Have any of them contracted cervical cancer from genital warts?. No they haven't, chances are most will or have died of the big C, natural causes or a heart attack.

The body you live in, is the direct result of a gene pool that made it through thousands of years of disease. Years where a medical profession didn't even exist, years where you couldn't just fcuk off up to the chemist to get a tube of cream. Yet here we all are still surviving, alive and well.

Genital warts yes not a very nice thing to have, but its not the plague, its not a fcuking epidemic and it sure as hell isn't going to kill any of you.

Apologies if I offended some of the ladies with my comments earlier, I was merely trying to make a point out that females are inclined to worry to a far greater extent than men. In particular I was trying to reassure the OP that she shouldn't panic until she gets tested and till she sees what is what, but instead you guys are just trying to break up her relationship, convince her her boyfriend and herself are diseased and that she is going to dye from cervical cancer....

I beat the girl is gonna have a fcuking awesome nights sleep tonight.

SarahSassy

Your language is foul and your post particularily ignorant....

Did it dawn on you that our parents, grandparents any beyond were not having 5, 10, 15, 20, 25+ sexual partners in their lifetime?? STD's were not as rife nor as deadly..... I am no expert on sexual health but very obviously neither are you.

The bottom line is that he lied to her....

bug

Feelgood wrote: »

Right let me ask you all a very simple question - your moms and dads, their moms and dads so on, so fourth had or are maybe still have unprotected sex for the last say 80 odd years. Your talking about times that there were no "french letters" or STD clinics or even drugs or medicines to cure such diseases!.

How come the majority of them are all still alive and well?. Have they had any bits fall off?. Have any of them contracted cervical cancer from genital warts?. No they haven't, chances are most will or have died of the big C, natural causes or a heart attack.

The body you live in, is the direct result of a gene pool that made it through thousands of years of disease. Years where a medical profession didn't even exist, years where you couldn't just fcuk off up to the chemist to get a tube of cream. Yet here we all are still surviving, alive and well.

Genital warts yes not a very nice thing to have, but its not the plague, its not a fcuking epidemic and it sure as hell isn't going to kill any of you.

Apologies if I offended some of the ladies with my comments earlier, I was merely trying to make a point out that females are inclined to worry to a far greater extent than men. In particular I was trying to reassure the OP that she shouldn't panic until she gets tested and till she sees what is what, but instead you guys are just trying to break up her relationship, convince her her boyfriend and herself are diseased and that she is going to dye from cervical cancer....

I beat the girl is gonna have a fcuking awesome nights sleep tonight.

I'd suggest you get some pamphets and read up on the issue and the risks to a female with HPV. Then you might understand that its not simply an issue of offending da ladeez...

To the OP, best you can do is get yourself lined up for a Pap test as soon as you can to put your mind at rest.

johnnyq

Feelgood wrote: »

Right let me ask you all a very simple question - your moms and dads, their moms and dads so on, so fourth had or are maybe still have unprotected sex for the last say 80 odd years. Your talking about times that there were no "french letters" or STD clinics or even drugs or medicines to cure such diseases!.

How come the majority of them are all still alive and well?. Have they had any bits fall off?. Have any of them contracted cervical cancer from genital warts?. No they haven't, chances are most will or have died of the big C, natural causes or a heart attack.

I'm a guy and I really don't believe you're still trying to defend this. It's so so irresponsible, and that's putting it really mildly. :mad:

Do you think STD's only occured recently?!? Aren't you so lucky that the people in you're life lived into their 80's.

What about those who were prostitutes pre 1950's who had terrible painful diseases and had awful awful lives. Then what about the poor wives of the fellas who availed of their 'services' only to end up dead in their 40's from what they dragged in and *forgot* to tell them.

Thankfully modern medicine has shielded you from this very harsh reality, because it's certainly not the attitude you're endorsing that would have stopped it.

The body you live in, is the direct result of a gene pool that made it through thousands of years of disease. Years where a medical profession didn't even exist, years where you couldn't just fcuk off up to the chemist to get a tube of cream. Yet here we all are still surviving, alive and well.

/johnnyq hits head off wall. Wreckless attitude.

Genital warts yes not a very nice thing to have, but its not the plague, its not a fcuking epidemic and it sure as hell isn't going to kill any of you.

Sure it's just as harmless as a love bite isn't it. I really pray hard that that is the worst the OP may have got off the charming lad.

In particular I was trying to reassure the OP that she shouldn't panic until she gets tested and till she sees what is what, but instead you guys are just trying to break up her relationship, convince her her boyfriend and herself are diseased and that she is going to dye from cervical cancer....

Well he wouldn't know if he was a carrier for the cervical cancer virus anyway you are aware I hope. What he did was absolutely dispicable, and no it's not female overanxiousness is the problem it's people who don't even think anything is wrong is the real problem.

I beat the girl is gonna have a fcuking awesome nights sleep tonight.

Are you actually concerned? I certainly don't get that impression.

Edit: That last point may have been too harsh but I can only consider your reply as uneducated at best.

Wibbs

Feelgood wrote: »

Right let me ask you all a very simple question - your moms and dads, their moms and dads so on, so fourth had or are maybe still have unprotected sex for the last say 80 odd years. Your talking about times that there were no "french letters" or STD clinics or even drugs or medicines to cure such diseases!.

Actually they did have french letters, just maybe not in this country where the amount of sexual partners one had in life was one for a large proportion of the population. Don't forget also that syphilis was a huge problem until the advent of antibiotics.

Have any of them contracted cervical cancer from genital warts?.

See above. Specious argument based on dodgy understanding of the history of sex and it's implications for disease. Nuns and other virginal types have a far lower incidence of cervical cancer than the general population. This risk goes up with the unprotected sex with different partners. The human papilloma virus is directly implicated in cervical changes that may lead to malignancy.

Genital warts yes not a very nice thing to have, but its not the plague, its not a fcuking epidemic and it sure as hell isn't going to kill any of you.

Actually it's all too common and it can kill; http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/stds/a/hpvcervcncrconn.htm so again your argument is based on false perceptions. 93% of cervical cancers have HPV(that's the genital warts virus) as a factor. Luckily regular smear tests for sexually active women will hopefully catch it and treat it for most in the majority of cases. It's not the only problem with HPV either. You seem very invested in this idea that it's not that big a deal.

Apologies if I offended some of the ladies with my comments earlier, I was merely trying to make a point out that females are inclined to worry to a far greater extent than men.

Hey I'll tend to agree with you there. They have often driven me mad because of that. In this case they would have damn good reason.

In particular I was trying to reassure the OP that she shouldn't panic until she gets tested and till she sees what is what

I agree with you there as well. Two for two.

but instead you guys are just trying to break up her relationship, convince her her boyfriend and herself are diseased and that she is going to dye from cervical cancer..

You're missing the point by a country mile. It was a break of trust. A significant break of trust that may have put her health in danger and his inability to recognise that. That's the problem.

He wasn't man enough to take responsibility for his actions. As a man that's his job. It's what a man should do. Take responsibility for his actions especially when they may impact others. Basically he failed as a man, when he knowingly failed to protect those he claims to care for in his life. Apologies to all if that sounds anachronistic and non PC, but that's how I see it and wild fuggin horses won't drag me away from that definition.

I beat the girl is gonna have a fcuking awesome nights sleep tonight.

I reckon she's going to be fine healthwise. That's my hope. I don't think she will be fine in other ways until her partner, cops on, grows a pair and takes responsibility for the fallout from his actions. As someone said before me, if he's not mature enough to be having sex, then he shouldn't be having it.

Nevyn

http://www.tellher.ie/default.aspx?sid=1&pid=4

There are more than 100 types of human papillomavirus. Most of them are relatively harmless, like the ones that cause common warts found on hands and feet but a few are responsible for diseases such as cervical cancer
and genital warts.

Human papillomavirus is very common, easily transmitted and can be totally symptomless. Human papillomaviruses affect both women and men, and the majority of us will encounter this virus at some point in our life.Sexual relations, that involves genital contact with someone carrying genital papillomaviruses, could result in infection.

Genital contact with a single partner who has human papillomavirus is sufficient to cause infection. It has been shown that most people now contract the human papillomavirus in adolescence.

In Europe, cervical cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths among young women (between 15-44). In Europe 40 women die each day of cervical cancer.
In Ireland there are approximately 180 new cases of cervical cancer every year and 73 deaths.
This means in Ireland, 6 women on average die each month from cervical cancer.

Get yourself tested and tested for as long at it takes to get yourself clear
as you can be.

He has endangered your health and your life and clearly has no respect for you, why on earth would you be talking to him ?

Feelgood

Right I will try to sum up what I was aiming at here.

I don't think that some of your comments regarding the OP's partner were completely justified. Yes he was more than definitely in the wrong, though this guy has been honest about something that in my eyes is actually harder to come out with than telling her that he was seeing someone else.

It's not a very comfortable subject matter to be talking about with someone that you just entered a relationship with, but yet he still told her just 6 months into the relationship. Like I said there are plenty of guys out there that wouldn't even bother saying anything and I think you are all very sorely mistaken if you think that every one of your lovers has been completely up front and honest with you.

Yes the op should be peeved to some extent and refuse any further sort of sexual relations until both of them get tested and cleared, but I think that she should also be thinking that you know, if he was honest about something like this then he could be honest about anything with me and I think he has showed the main characteristic that females look for in a guy which is honesty and trust. For that I don't think she should write off her relationship at all and its not completely doomed.

The second point I was trying to make was that I am not denying any of the risks or dangers of STD's in any shape or form. My point was that even if you have slept with someone that has or had an STD, it doesn't mean that its a guarantee that you will contract it from them. Your body is designed to fight off disease and thats exactly what it will try to do and will continue to do very successfully. Your body is subject to more dangerous health risks on a daily basis than the majority of STD's can offer, but yet we still come out trumps.

The last thing I will say is that the OP came here because of a genuine worry, she doesn't need to be told the dangers of STD's as she obviously knows that already or how crappy her boyfriend is. She needs exactly what most people that post in PI need which is reassurance that everything will be fine and that there is a way forward which there is!!.

@Wibbs - I think we could all learn a thing or two from you. You raise very valid points and also informative, intelligent and objective discussion...something I haven't seen too often on here so fair play.

SarahSassy

Cursed.He lied. wrote: »

Before I had intercourse with my current boyfriend, I got checked and got the all clear on everything. He told me that he was completely clear too and never had an STD.

Feelgood, did you read the original post at all??? If not, I am highlighting the above for you... He is no hero, he told he he had never had a STD. He lied and put her health at risk.

You are praising WIbbs for certain points cos he agreed with you that women can be irrational...

IMO you are backpeddling big time....

MJOR

My bottom line on this is you asked him.... He lied and put you at risk... Its a total lack of respect.

Get checked out ASAP and then reasses your relationship with this guy.

Requiem4adream

Thaedydal wrote: »

Get yourself tested and tested for as long at it takes to get yourself clear
as you can be.

He has endangered your health and your life and clearly has no respect for you, why on earth would you be talking to him ?

I just remembered why i dont post on this forum too often. It's threads exactly like this one that make it a minefield, it's tough to express a strong dissenting opinion with the strict modding but i'll give it a shot:

"HELP! I'm so worried...." - i'm sorry, you're clearly not worried enough, if you were you'd have arranged a test pronto. No excuses. If i'm seriously worried about anything, particularly my health, i get it sorted/investigated immediately. For me this is the case bottom line. I really cant comprehend the thought processes and mentality involved here: "i might have a serious STD, i know what i'll do i'll go home, log on the internet and see what people on Boards think". Take responsibilty immediately and arrange a test. I accept people take solace in the advice on these forums but the only true solace one can take here is in the result of an STD test.

In terms of the relationship itself, there is a massive difference between sheer naivety and reckless endangerment. If he's clueless about sexual health (as the OP appears to be also) are you guys telling me it's not within the bounds of reason that he felt there is/was nothing to worry about, hence the "lies"? Boy got warts, warts disappeared, boy thinks that's the end? The relationship is still in it's early stages, it's not something he would bring up if he really believed he was cured or posing zero risk. Whether you admit it or not, a chequered sexual past is hardly something someone would bring up in the early stages of a new relationship if he/she believed they were cured/all clear, which appears to be the case.

For example, suppose one of you got chlamydia and was cured, got the all clear 100%, then a new partner asks you have you ever had a sexual disease, how would a "no" answer sit with you all there? Personally, if someone has had a disease and been cured, with the all-clear, i'd rather not know. It serves no meaningful purpose to know, in fact it may serve only to muddle my opinion of the girl.

If the OP's boyfriend truly believed he was "all clear" then i dont view this as the treacherous behaviour the rest of you are depicting it as. Both of them sound completely naive and one as bad as the other. It shows poor judgement to sleep with someone without a condom without being sure of the situation. In this day and age it's not unreasonable to ensure a partner has a recent STD test before taking those steps.

Just to make this crystal clear - if he isn't naive and clueless, and did understand the ramifications of his actions, not only are they treacherous and deceitful, his actions are bordering on criminal in my opinion. In the true sense of the word criminal. If the disease was HIV and not warts, deliberately endangering/passing on the disease is (potentially) a criminal offence.

Wibbs

MJOR wrote:

My bottom line on this is you asked him.... He lied and put you at risk... Its a total lack of respect.

Get checked out ASAP and then reasses your relationship with this guy.

That summarises it right on the money for me.

SarahSassy wrote: »

Feelgood, did you read the original post at all??? If not, I am highlighting the above for you... He is no hero, he told he he had never had a STD. He lied and put her health at risk.

Yea I think tbh Feelgood missed that part. That's the kicker. Bad enough that he had the infection in the past and didn't tell her, he then compounds the problem by denying it with a woman who has made the point that she's gotten the all clear and is willing to trust him.

You are praising WIbbs for certain points cos he agreed with you that women can be irrational...

So it's not cos I is only deadly.. As far as "women's irrationality" goes, I was simply making the point that some women about some things can be like a dog with a bone, they can't just let it go. That goes for some men too in different ways and women will also take issue with that. In both those cases it's more a different rationality at play. I also made the point that in this case, man, woman, or hamster, all bets are off.

IMO you are backpeddling big time....

We all may have differing opinions and get the wrong end of the stick. Personally I all too often need written directions to the right end of the stick. That's the beauty about debate, opinions and learning. I prefer people who backpedal than those who peddle furiously forward regardless.

Wibbs

Good post from Requiem4adream there. The OP's ignorance of the risk with his health and the possible risk to his partners health is a big part of it. His idea that women "don't get it" makes this plain. I think the OP has a better idea of what's what if she's been tested before.

Beyond the immediate problem the larger issue of ignorance in sexual matters that one sees about the place is a worry. Even simple obvious stuff.

Feelgood

SarahSassy wrote: »

Feelgood, did you read the original post at all??? If not, I am highlighting the above for you... He is no hero, he told he he had never had a STD. He lied and put her health at risk.

You are praising WIbbs for certain points cos he agreed with you that women can be irrational...

IMO you are backpeddling big time....

I am not claiming that he is a hero at, I stated that yeah he was wrong and though that she shouldn't completely write off her relationship as he has been honest with her...

I praised Wibbs, for exactly the qualities that you seem to lack. Wibbs has taken my opinion into consideration, thought about it and furthered the debate using valid arguments.

Here is your class A, top notch and highly skilled arguments to my opinion..

"PS you are being sexist!!!"

"Your language is foul and your post particularily ignorant"

"I am no expert on sexual health but very obviously neither are you"

"IMO you are backpeddling big time...."

Fight the man.....

SarahSassy

Feelgood wrote: »

I am not claiming that he is a hero at, I stated that yeah he was wrong and though that she shouldn't completely write off her relationship as he has been honest with her...

I praised Wibbs, for exactly the qualities that you seem to lack. Wibbs has taken my opinion into consideration, thought about it and furthered the debate using valid arguments.

Here is your class A, top notch and highly skilled arguments to my opinion..

"PS you are being sexist!!!"

"Your language is foul and your post particularily ignorant"

"I am no expert on sexual health but very obviously neither are you"

"IMO you are backpeddling big time...."

Fight the man.....

He has NOT Been honest with her....

Those are my opinions of your posts and have annoyed me more than any other post in a long time....

Feelgood

SarahSassy wrote: »

He has NOT Been honest with her....

Those are my opinions of your posts and have annoyed me more than any other post in a long time....

If he wasn't being honest with her he wouldn't have even mentioned the fact that had anything at all!.

At the end of the day she could have used a condom, or refused any sort of sexual relations until she had complete and definite proof that he had no form of STD's. Is he entirely to blame, definitely not.

Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk...

Tell me in the first six months of a relationship have you ever specified this information to a guy?

Soss

"Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk..."

WTF!?!? Are you kidding? This has nothing to do with the OP's situation. Genital warts is a sexually transmitted disease, not just a result of poor hygeine, and I really can't understand what point you're trying to make with the above comment.

MJOR

Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk..."

Ah come here are you off your head? These are warts... get a bloody grip

Meathlass

OP Get tested, tell your boyfriend to get tested and ask to see the results, I wouldn't take his word for it. You may also have to reassess your attitude to condoms and wait until you're in a stable long term relationship where you're sure the other person is 100% clean and being faithful. Cervical cancer is no joke - take it from someone who's going through it. Even though I never had unprotected sex I still have the HPV virsus (same virsus that gives you coldsores). I'm just in the unlucky percentage of the population whose body won't fight it.

Rayven199

Aside from the fact that he should have told you before you slept together, is any one aware that genital warts have more serious implications for women?
Some types of genital warts actually play a big part in contracting cervical cancer, they have been identified as playing a major role in causing cervical cancer in about 70% of cases so I would get checked out as well as having regular smear tests to be sure.

Oh and warts; like cole sores (which are a strain of the herpes virus) remain in the system pretty much all our life and can flare up at any time, they dont go away but can be supressed with antibiotics.

WilmaRidesAgain

<<Here's the dilemma-he told last night that 3 years ago he contracted a type of genital warts that only shows up on guys. (and 'doesn't affect girls'). I'm so worried about this.>>

Oh my God :mad:

This is pure Bull$hit, he has lied outright and I for one could not live with a betrayal this large, get tested and then you have a big decision to make.

My heart goes out to you bigtime, I hope all will be ok.

Nevyn

Meathlass wrote: »

OP Get tested, tell your boyfriend to get tested and ask to see the results, I wouldn't take his word for it. You may also have to reassess your attitude to condoms and wait until you're in a stable long term relationship where you're sure the other person is 100% clean and being faithful. Cervical cancer is no joke - take it from someone who's going through it. Even though I never had unprotected sex I still have the HPV virsus (same virsus that gives you coldsores). I'm just in the unlucky percentage of the population whose body won't fight it.

HPV does not cause coldsores, the herpes virus does.

SarahSassy

Feelgood wrote: »

If he wasn't being honest with her he wouldn't have even mentioned the fact that had anything at all!.

At the end of the day she could have used a condom, or refused any sort of sexual relations until she had complete and definite proof that he had no form of STD's. Is he entirely to blame, definitely not.

Another thought to ponder over, did you know women can pass on disease and germs from simply wiping their arse from back to front instead of front to back. Which can then be passed on during sex. So technically its upto a female to divulge this to a guy or you are putting his health at risk...

Tell me in the first six months of a relationship have you ever specified this information to a guy?

This doesnt warrant any kind of an adult response....

Over and out.

SS

Meathlass

Thaedydal wrote: »

HPV does not cause coldsores, the herpes virus does.

Sorry was acutally thinking of coldsores in relation to something else and meant to type that it's the same virsus that gives you the warts on your hands.

LegacyUser

I posted a few weeks back about a simular situation except its from the other perspective, I'm the one with the virus worried about how to break it to my current partner (whom I still have not yet slept with)

From the responses Ive recieved and research Ive looked up I learnt that you HAVE to tell the other person, regardless of if you are showing symptoms or not. I feel awful for you that this guy didnt tell you before you slept with him, its shocking that he continued to sleep with you without a condom and then decided to break the news to you.

Personally I would be very angry and pissed off that hes put you at risk this way. I understand how hard it might have been to tell you but he made it a hell of a lot worse by telling you after you had no choice, he seems like an incredibly selfish person.

My advice to you would be to get checked out IMMEDIATLY. This virus is no walk in the park I can tell you. Also I would advise that from now on you use condoms each and everytime you sleep with someone, because as the saying goes- if you play with fire you will get burnt.

Wibbs

Rayven199 wrote: »

Oh and warts; like cole sores (which are a strain of the herpes virus) remain in the system pretty much all our life and can flare up at any time, they dont go away but can be supressed with antibiotics.

As an aside and a very common misconception. Antibiotics have no effect on viral infections. They treat bacterial infections. Different thing entirely. The main reason I mention it is in case someone out there has a viral infection and thinks that just because they had a course of antibiotics a year ago, that means they're cured. Nothing could be further from the truth. Given the OP's partners ignorance of disease and treatments, stuff like this is useful to know.

Rayven199

Wibbs wrote: »

As an aside and a very common misconception. Antibiotics have no effect on viral infections. They treat bacterial infections. Different thing entirely. The main reason I mention it is in case someone out there has a viral infection and thinks that just because they had a course of antibiotics a year ago, that means they're cured. Nothing could be further from the truth. Given the OP's partners ignorance of disease and treatments, stuff like this is useful to know.

I didnt mean that they could be cured with antibiotics, but there are some medications out there that can help supress/sooth the symptons, such as creams etc. or so I have been told!
I am not a medical expert but have done some looking into this topic as my boyfriend had some similar symptoms when we started sleeping together and I was worried so I had a look about!
Turns out it wasnt warts or even an sti so its all good!

Wibbs

Rayven199 wrote: »

I didnt mean that they could be cured with antibiotics, but there are some medications out there that can help supress/sooth the symptons, such as creams etc. or so I have been told!!

Oh there are. Antivirals etc. Just that antibiotics are not one of the treatments for viral infections. Has absolutely no effect except where secondary bacterial infections may occur. As I say have to make that clear in case others think that gives them the all clear.

Rayven199

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh there are. Antivirals etc. Just that antibiotics are not one of the treatments for viral infections. Has absolutely no effect except where secondary bacterial infections may occur. As I say have to make that clear in case others think that gives them the all clear.

Sorry about that,I couldnt think of the word for them! Thats my mistake, apologies!
I meant antivirals, not anti biotics!