What have i done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

Long story, was with a girl for 3 years on and off, i say i was "with" her what i mean is she had a fiance and it was an affair. I loved her so much and wanted her to leave him which she did(Twice) but ill get to that in a minute. We fought a lot, she is a v fiery girl and v opionated , where as I am not like that at all. Anyway she left him the first time for me and TBH i panicked, she had made this huge change for me, and I freaked.So we ended it and she got bk with her Fiance after a few months.

But we got bk and she ended things last December for good,she finished with her Fiance at the same time and said she wanted to be single. That was fine except i was pining a lot for her and wouldnt leave her alone , i was texting her all the time begging her to at least be friends, and she finally agreed. So we were friends for a while and met up for lunch in March and I tried to kiss her and she told me she wasnt interested in me that way anymore. I was crushed, got drunk and poured my heart out to her, she told me there was still something there but she was happy as she was.

So that was that until the start of May when i met my current GF, a week before i met her my ex became a lil edgy around me and i saw her giving me looks etc and she eventually told me she still loved me.TBH at that time i was kinda getting over her so i didnt say much about it, but stupidly i got drunk that weekend and asked her to marry me over text, and she said yes. But that night I met my current GF.

Now what I did next was VERY cruel, i ignored my ex and started dating this girl, And my ex was in bits cos she said i had messed her around by asking her to marry me. TBH i dont know why i asked her I think i was remembering the old days and wanted them back. I asked my ex could we be friends and she was wary but I didnt want to lose her from my life so she agreed eventually. She got a new BF and seemed happy...

So two weeks ago me and the GF had a huge fight, and I stupidly text my ex and asked her if i dumped my GF would she have me bk.She got v upset and said I was breaking her heart by chopping and changing my mind and to just stay with my GF and leave her alone. Ok thats that, we spoke again about a week ago and she had dumped her bf and was happy enough. She was v quiet and I knew i had lost her for good.

She text me yesterday and asked me to leave her alone , she was sick of me being hot one minute and cold the next. Then on lunch I saw her (I8 havnt seen her since March) and im SICK to my stomach, shes lost about 3 stone (She was always big btw) shes blonde now, and looks great. She seems so happy, Im glad shes ok, But im sick to my stomach. What have i done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beruthiel

I'm not sure what you expect us to say to that?
You reap what you sow.
You acted the ass, messed with peoples heads and this is the result.
Learn from that, move on and treat the next women better.

Wibbs

What have you done? I would say you've acted very immaturely and emotionally weak basically. Shes right too, you were blowing hot and cold and appear to be interested in her the most when she's moving away from you. If I was her I would have walked well before that. Now to be fair it's not just you as there seems an element of that "want what I though I had" with her too. She was "confused" until you had a girlfriend in play, then she gets the spark back for you. Yea that I could see lasting and I wouldn't need to psychic to have told you that at the time.

Advice? learn from your mistakes and don't pull that crap again. For your own sake. Find out who you are first, before you engage with someone else. Stick to your guns and ease up on the confusion.

John Mason

I am not sure what you want people to tell you.

This is what is called karma and it is nice to see someone actually getting their comeupances

ShawnRaven

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

But im sick to my stomach. What have i done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You failed to see the wood from the trees. You f*cked over enough people, nearly destroyed an upcoming marriage and for what, because you couldn't commit.

Maybe next time you'll learn. Sorry, i can't feel sorry for you here. I know we're human and we make mistakes, but Jesus Xavier Christ, that's just greed...

... and it's come back to bite you in the ass.
VR!

SarahSassy

You are a total mppet and spineless to boot. Give both girls a massive present and leave them alone... You are messing with peoples minds and emotions and believe me it will come back to haunt you...

Either a) quit drinking or b) quit texting.....

You need to be single for a while to mature before you mess up some other poor girls head.

r3nu4l

I'm not going to berate you for what you've done. It's despicable yes but what's done is done and if you can actually learn to be a better person from it then you will be alright in the future.

Don't spend too much effort on giving yourself a hard time, instead try to look at the mistakes you've made and vow never to treat anyone like that again. Lose the selfish side of you and you will be a better and happier person for it.

I've made some really stupid mistakes in the past and lost out (deservedly) as a result but I'm a better person for it simply because I took stock of my life and went back to the drawing board!

AngryBadger

OP you're acted like a selfish jerk to put it plainly.

My advice is to leave this girl alone, although I personally think she's as bad as you. In future try to put other people before yourself.

Petrolium Hat

Seriously what else did you expect from your actions.

She seemed to have been a bit naive as well tbh, I'm not sure how many people would take a marriage proposal by text seriously, particularly if it was sent late at night. In fact I'd guess most people i know I'd guess would get offended if someone did something like that. Never midn ignoring her after, what youve done before and since. Fair play to her for finally letting you where to go. You fully deserve it.

You just to want what you can't have, build a bridge and get over it.

Reku

Well I'd say what I think of you (and her too) but it'd do no-one any good and just put unneeded negativity out there:( so I'll simply say:
You kept pulling on the girl's heartstrings and have shown yourself to be undependable and iffy with regard to commitment from her point of view so I'm sure you can understand why she would decide she's not willing to keep waiting for you. Perhaps you'll learn from this so the next time you will be less fickle about decisions that have such a drastic impact upon the lives of others.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

She was "confused" until you had a girlfriend in play, then she gets the spark back for you.

Thats not what happened she told me this a week before i met my Girlfriend

Dragan

You need to grow a pair and move on matey. Next time you go about getting involved with someone insure that you are in some kind of decent frame of mind.

A.Partridge

What age did you say you were?

NextSteps

Stop bed-hopping, stop drinking and stop texting. Stay single for a bit, the way you speak it sounds like girlfriends are something you pick up with the weeky shopping! Learn to value people and to respect and admire them, then you mightn't treat them so flippantly.

LegacyUser

A.Partridge wrote: »

What age did you say you were?

24

MIN2511

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

24

Dude; first things first you are an attention seeker. Not from us but from women; when was the last time you were "single"? IMO you are very confused and dragging these women with you. How do you expect your current gf to feel? Why are you dating her, spare her the misery and then approach the ex and see what comes out of it.

MJOR

Stay away there is too much bad history for this to work out. In order to forget her delete her number and try to move on.
On some level this is karma. You have no hope of ever being happy if you keep going around in circles.
Cut your losses

MJOR

MIN2511 wrote: »

Dude; first things first you are an attention seeker. Not from us but from women; when was the last time you were "single"? IMO you are very confused and dragging these women with you. How do you expect your current gf to feel? Why are you dating her, spare her the misery and then approach the ex and see what comes out of it.

Well said MIN

How Strange

You should really carry a health warning.

All I can say is you've got what you deserved. You acted very badly without any regard for the feelings of others. Quite honestly your behaviour was despicable and it's very hard to have any sympathy for you at all.

What can you do now? Learn from it, grow up and act like a 24 year old.

RedXIV

I feel bad for you OP, i could have predicted alot of the responses here before i read them.

From an outsider view, you're actions were hardly inspiring, you may not realise this yourself in which case keep reading this sentance until it sinks in.

The women in your story are now no longer available to you, accept that. Move on. Learn from this experience here and take what the others have said on board.

Living in the past is not a way to live.

Wibbs

YourHeartbeats wrote:

24

24? Look at 24 a man should have at least some idea about the state of his own emotions and apply them in ways that are not going to get people hurt including himself.

This part of your original post reads and is just emotionally all over the place and frankly daft. If a 13 year old pulled this I'd be raising eyebrows, never mind an adult.

she eventually told me she still loved me.

OK. Cool, so you knew where she stood.

TBH at that time i was kinda getting over her so i didnt say much about it,

OK time to reflect perhaps. But apparently not........

but stupidly i got drunk that weekend and asked her to marry me over text, and she said yes.

This was your first screwup and a big one. Marriage by text? Mkay. Now that was bad, but we all do dopey things while drunk so....

But that night I met my current GF.

Now this is where the monumental mind boggling daftness and emotional incontinence come in. You've just told the ex you love and want to marry her, a week after she said she was feeling the same and then you score some randomer who becomes your new girlfriend? With an IQ in single figures you would see that was not exactly a recipe for happiness. You can't blame the drink either as next day and the day after that you made some commitment to the new woman.

Learn from this. Seriously.

Sephiroth_dude

you ****ed up,now your paying for it,you got what you deserved by the sounds of it.

bronte

God op, that was....I can't even think of a word for it.

Do yourself and everyone else a favour and learn to be by yourself .
You need a good spell of being single and looking at what you want from life.

estar

you are only interested in your own happiness in the very moment
and do everything to sustain that to the detriment of people around you

you are toxic, so is that poisonous cheater of an ex GF
of yours and you deserve to get together and cheat
on each other for the rest of your life

any girl that would have a fiance and an affair
has no morals, and no character as far as im concerned.

you make me sick with your reckless disregard for others
feelings.

and now you have the audacity of feeling sorry for yourself

your one thought

how can I be happy again. how will i turn this around for me.

sort yourself out. stay single and away from relationships
until you explore why you are so messed up. wake up.
start thinking before you act.

it isnt all about you darling. part of being a responsible adult
is caring about your effect on people around you.

grow up

Kazobel

Karma's a bitch huh? I lol'd when I read your post because you don't even want to get back with her because you have any kind of feelings for her it's just simply because she lost weight and went blonde, your biggest problem now is she's moved on and that's shattering your ego because up until now you convinced yourself she was pinning for you, well guess what? you fcuked up, you're reaping what you sowed, leave the girl alone and then at least one of you will have a chance at happiness.

WilmaRidesAgain

Stop drinking :mad:

Secondly, leave both of these girls alone. Your whole post is "me, me, me"
I'm sorry to be so blunt but you have been selfish to the core and totally thoughtless about other peoples feelings.

Your ex has lost weight and gone blonde and thats whats making you p1g sick much more so than the pain you have put her and your current GF (or soon to be ex) through.

You need a few months off the booze and thinking about something other than yourself, your own ego and your d1ck.

Sorry to be harsh but you need a wake up call buddy.

Karen_*

You're only sorry because your ex looks very hot now? I seriously expected to read at the end of your post how you'd realised the mess you'd made of your own life and of the others around you and that you had realised the hurt and misery you'd caused. They're both better off without you. Leave them alone. Its not too late to do the right thing.

LegacyUser

only you know yourself well enough to know if you could actually marry Blondie and actually make it work.

If you think you'd still be flighty, and not able to commit properly then cut your losses.

I had a run in with a marriage proposal at your age and it didn't happen. I'm a little regretful now about it, but at the time knew I wasn't in a position to make such a commitment. prehaps you are the same.

Sooooo, in summary.

a) get your self together, decide to man up and stick by 1 woman and go get her back. (because I still think you can tbh)
b) realise you're still a young fella who's not ready for such things yet and have the good sense to leave people out of it while you decide what you want from a partner in life.

no point in "shock and outrage" posts. there's already a page and half of them. Lets be constructive here people

Wurly

MIN2511 wrote: »

Dude; first things first you are an attention seeker. Not from us but from women; when was the last time you were "single"? IMO you are very confused and dragging these women with you. How do you expect your current gf to feel? Why are you dating her, spare her the misery and then approach the ex and see what comes out of it.

I think he is also an attention seeker in general. What did he actually expect people on here to say to him? 'Ah its, grand. You did nothing wrong/poor you' etc. It doesn't seem to matter if its good or bad attention.

This is one of these posts that I can't be bothered commenting on any further. OP behaves blantantly bad and then gets on here looking for some sort of validation. Me arse, mate!

LegacyUser

Ive been thinking, she never bothered with losing weight when she was with me, and always said she would never go blonde cos it didnt suit her, even though i said blondes are sexy.

And then she shows up in the cafe that she KNOWS i have my lunch in, skinnyish and blonde, looks like shes the attention seeker not me

WilmaRidesAgain

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

Ive been thinking, she never bothered with losing weight when she was with me, and always said she would never go blonde cos it didnt suit her, even though i said blondes are sexy.

And then she shows up in the cafe that she KNOWS i have my lunch in, skinnyish and blonde, looks like shes the attention seeker not me

Urgh, fail !!!

That was a pi$$ poor effort mate

Wibbs

I'll tell ya, I have sympathy for you in a lot of ways. You're still trying to figure this stuff out, but this

looks like shes the attention seeker not me

is showing a hell of a lot of lack of personal insight with you. My advice is look at yourself. Do you not see how incredibly self centered you(Maybe not selfish, I don't know you). It's all about how the world is working towards you not the other way around.

If you don't start the inner journey, even if you gat back with her it will go tits up. I guarantee it. All that inner journey crap may sound a bit hippylike, but trust me you'll be better if you start it.

MistyCheese

If the girl was to get back with you OP, would it bother you if she put back on the weight, and didn't bother keeping up the blonde?

Karen_*

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

Ive been thinking, she never bothered with losing weight when she was with me, and always said she would never go blonde cos it didnt suit her, even though i said blondes are sexy.

And then she shows up in the cafe that she KNOWS i have my lunch in, skinnyish and blonde, looks like shes the attention seeker not me

She probably didn't bother with losing weight because you made her feel bad about herself. I reckon you're not the type of guy who induces a happy confident feeling in a girl. You're waaaaaay more confident than you should be and she's way too insecure if having got to know you, she still cares what you think.

pvt.joker

I call troll on this one. You asked her to marry you over text and she said yes. ....

Sure :rolleyes:

Mods lock this crap please

Wibbs

Pvt.Joker read the charter, in particular this bit about trolls http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055304042
Any more troll calls from anyone else and it's infraction banning time.

SarahSassy

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

Ive been thinking, she never bothered with losing weight when she was with me, and always said she would never go blonde cos it didnt suit her, even though i said blondes are sexy.

And then she shows up in the cafe that she KNOWS i have my lunch in, skinnyish and blonde, looks like shes the attention seeker not me

Oh perleese...... Wise up. You dont know how stupid you are making yourself sound.... I assume the cafe is not a private cafe and members of the public can enter too?????

Sounds like the pair of ye deserve each other and you do realise that if you get together with her then both of ye are going to cheat given the excellent history in relationships you have both had so far...

Do you do drugs??? You sound erratic and paranoid enough to be dabbling in something?

LegacyUser

pvt.joker wrote: »

You asked her to marry you over text and she said yes. ....

Sure :rolleyes:

Yes? and? i was drunk and she was in love with me

Whats your question?

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

I assume the cafe is not a private cafe and members of the public can enter too?????


Do you do drugs??? You sound erratic and paranoid enough to be dabbling in something?

She once called the cafe "A piss pool that she wouldnt go into if you paid her" so thats why i know she only came in to see was i there, granted she went in with her sister but she was still there and it was during lunch and i know her works on the other side of town, and she saw me. And then she left, Its obvious she only came in to see me and the shock of seeing me made her leave

Im not stupid i know how girls minds work.

In answer to your question i did take E when I was about 17 but that was it and It was years ago hence shouldnt be relevant.

RossFixxxed

How stupid and immature can you be. Sure women can make fools of us but come on man get some kind of thought going. This is possibly the most pathetic, stupid thing I have ever read. It has drama queen written all over it.

You absolutely ballsed up and you're now facing the reality of it. Grow up and move on. Think first. Even a little thought would cop you on. AND STOP DRINKING!

Sometimes the best cure for something like this is a swift (METAPHRICAL / MENTAL) kick in the teeth.

R

colly10

Didn't read the reply's but both you and your ex sound a bit nuts, you have both screwed each other over and neither of you are sure what you want. You actually asked her (while not even with her) to marry you and whats worse is she actually agreed. I don't think either of you are perticulary good for each other.
You've got to forget about it for the moment and sit down and think about what you really want, stop making stupid off the cuff decisions and see what happens from there

SarahSassy

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

Im not stupid i know how girls minds work.

Emmmmmmmm...... You seem to know how stupid women's minds work...

The pair of ye are well met... Get back with her cos then at least it means she is not wrecking some decent guys heart (well for a while anyway).....

Karen_*

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

She once called the cafe "A piss pool that she wouldnt go into if you paid her" so thats why i know she only came in to see was i there, granted she went in with her sister but she was still there and it was during lunch and i know her works on the other side of town, and she saw me. And then she left, Its obvious she only came in to see me and the shock of seeing me made her leave

Im not stupid i know how girls minds work.

In answer to your question i did take E when I was about 17 but that was it and It was years ago hence shouldnt be relevant.

If she went in there to see you then why would she be shocked that you were there? She probably went in to show you have much better she's doing without you. And now you can see she's doing great. So the answer to your question and the title of this thread is - you've done her a favour dumping her.

Wibbs

Good advice from DaMonk. Texting while drunk is usually a bad plan in matters of the heart. Satan's little hand maiden are controlling your fingers. The things I've put in drunken texts....

Wurly

Wibbs wrote: »

Good advice from DaMonk. Texting while drunk is usually a bad plan in matters of the heart. Satan's little hand maiden are
controlling your fingers. The things I've put in drunken texts....

Yep, I only did this last weekend. Made a total tit of myself and I don't even like the person. ha ha

Drunk dialling is baaaaad news!:)

ntlbell

How Strange wrote: »

act like a 24 year old.

In many ways he all ready is..

Kazobel

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

Ive been thinking, she never bothered with losing weight when she was with me, and always said she would never go blonde cos it didnt suit her, even though i said blondes are sexy.

And then she shows up in the cafe that she KNOWS i have my lunch in, skinnyish and blonde, looks like shes the attention seeker not me

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

She once called the cafe "A piss pool that she wouldnt go into if you paid her" so thats why i know she only came in to see was i there, granted she went in with her sister but she was still there and it was during lunch and i know her works on the other side of town, and she saw me. And then she left, Its obvious she only came in to see me and the shock of seeing me made her leave

"I want, I want, she wouldn't do what I want" boo hoo you child, you're all about the "me, me, me" aren't you? has it even occured to you that she's moved on and sorted herself out and she doesn't give a sh!t what you want or think anymore? To be honest it sounds to me like she doesn't have to because she's not the one crushed and crying for validation from strangers on the internet for being a selfish d!ck. As a matter of fact it sounds the opposite, she's lost weight, she dyed her hair, she looks hot, you can't have her and that's eating you. Leave her alone, you already wreacked her relationship with her ex, let her move on from her mistake and at least probably find someone halfway decent to spend her life with. Nobody cares that you're hurt, you brought it on yourself! maybe you'll learn something from this like maybe how your ex felt when you discarded her after the marriage proposal, I think you'll find it'll be a good lesson learned to carry through before jumping into your next relationship.

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

Im not stupid i know how girls minds work.

I laughed so hard I actually pee'd a little!

estar

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

Ive been thinking, she never bothered with losing weight when she was with me, and always said she would never go blonde cos it didnt suit her, even though i said blondes are sexy.

And then she shows up in the cafe that she KNOWS i have my lunch in, skinnyish and blonde, looks like shes the attention seeker not me

its still all about you

estar

Im not stupid i know how girls minds work.

no you dont. clearly. seeing as how you have made a mess
of your last two relationships through not even stopping a minute
to think about others. and your still not done with not thinking
by the looks of things.

when you love people you dont want to hurt them and would rather hurt yourself than hurt them.

Cheeky_gal

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

shes lost about 3 stone (She was always big btw) shes blonde now, and looks great. She seems so happy, Im glad shes ok, But im sick to my stomach. What have i done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you mess this girl around (on numerous occasions), she asks you to leave her alone, instead you practically stalk her, then you see her a few months later and because shes more attractive as you say it makes you feel even worse? Not alone is that shallow, it's just disgusting. Move on.

How Strange

Yourheartbeats wrote: »

Ive been thinking, she never bothered with losing weight when she was with me, and always said she would never go blonde cos it didnt suit her, even though i said blondes are sexy.
And then she shows up in the cafe that she KNOWS i have my lunch in, skinnyish and blonde, looks like shes the attention seeker not me

The cheek of her eh! To move on with her life, sort herself out and improve herself. You mate are the only attention seeker in this story. The only reason I can see why you're posting here is attention seeking as you've been lambasted by most posters but you really don't seem to care as you're the centre of attention.

Yourheartbeats .... She once called the cafe "A piss pool that she wouldnt go into if you paid her" so thats why i know she only came in to see was i there, granted she went in with her sister but she was still there and it was during lunch and i know her works on the other side of town, and she saw me. And then she left, Its obvious she only came in to see me and the shock of seeing me made her leave. Im not stupid i know how girls minds work.

Oh dear lord, are you for real? If so you are an incredibly narcisistic person. You quite obviously don't have a clue about how to treat women and only want what you can't have just to stroke your poor fragile ego.

Yourheartbeats....SureYes? and? i was drunk and she was in love with me

You really do seem to be the most despicable type of person. You ask a girl that you've had dangling on a string for a long time to marry you, she says yes and then you go and score some other girl and start going out with her. And you have the cheek to blame alcohol for your shameful behaviour. IMO, this is probably one of the most hurtful and cruel things someone could do to someone they know loves them. It's a petty, cruel and nasty little power trip.

Words fail me in articulating my incredulity at your behaviour and your selfish outlook on everything. You haven't once mentioned any remorse for any of this, it's all about you. You're stung now because this girl looks great and you're most probably feeling aggrieved that she didn't look that good when you were together. Not that it would've made any difference, most probably you would've treated her just the same.
As I said earlier you should have a health warning tatooed on your forehead.