Is this unfair or what?

LegacyUser

I am a single parent attending university, I have one year left in my course and then I will have a very good job and a bright future for my child and I. However I would just like to ask anybody do they have any information or ideas to shed light on my current situation or if anybody would just like to comment on it?

The father of my child is a loser. A complete loser. He is a college student also. When I got pregnant we were in a steady relationship but the pregnancy was NOT planned. However I decided to go through with it and I developed some maturity as you would. It was then that I saw the writing on the wall however and broke up with the dad. I wasn't wrong either. It wasn't long before he had another girlfriend and was enjoying himself drinking his life away as a single person without responsibilities would, failing college etc. etc (BTW he has a child from a previous relationship also so that's why I was so sure he was not gonna stick around when I had my kid).

I, on the other hand, gave birth to my son in 2007. I worked hard all that year in college up until the week before he was born and when I say I worked hard, I really really did. I went on to graduate and am now doing another course. I am not looking for any medals but I am a wreck at the moment. I am now on summer holidays and these are the first set of holidays I have actually been able to relax during since my child was born. As I said above I am not looking for any medals, I am merely making the point that I am taking full responsibility for my child and I have devoted my life to working hard for both of us. I never socialise (and I am only 21!), I never go on holidays, I never buy myself clothes etc. I work at college, i look after my child and that's my life.

However, the dad is a complete waster. He has failed two years of college, works and earns a wage (part time work - evenings and weekends but with a nice wage of about 300 a week at least and he is only a college student) but spends all that money on himself and his girlfriend, never ever visits his children. He is a liar and a cheat. While I was pregnant and after the birth of our child I used to contact him but I never got a reply except if his family wanted to see the child occasionally he would have to contact me then and pretend everything is fine. He refuses to discuss visitation, maintenance, anything with me. I won't go on any further, I could be writing about this all night. Let's just finish a desciption of him with the fact that he has on three occasions walked past me on the street and blatantly denied that the child is even his by ignoring us both! And to make matters worse everybody loves him!!! He never fights with anyone, he's the nice guy that makes people laugh because he's clumsy etc and people think he's just a quiet man who's immature but sure 'what harm', 'he'll grow up some day'. Sure let the mothers of his two children burn themselves out taking on full responsibility for the kids, who cares about them, I'm here for a good time.

Anybody have anything to say about this? Like he gets away without giving me a penny. And yet he gets a grant in college, can earn thousands of euros every week working while he should in lectures in college, can work all through the summer and other holidays but doesn't even have to give me five euro a week in maintenance? That is NOT FAIR. I wanted to do some substitute teaching this month and to be completely honest it was NOT for the money. I get OPF every week which is ok. I need to get experience working in schools to ensure I get a job when I finish because there are hundreds of primary teachers graduating every year and it's competitive! All I wanted was some experience and only intended working three days in the week. But of course I got screwed, lost some of OPF and rent allowance by doing so. Yet he can work as much as he likes and doesn't even pay two euros of maintenance in the week, doesn't look after the child all year round, doesn't even work at college!!! It's annoying.

Anybody anything to say about this? Is anybody in a similar position and would also like to vent anger!! Or anybody any suggestions?? Thanks!

LegacyUser

You could sue him for maintainence. Check out Cherish and Treoir, the Federation of Services for Unmarried Parents. You're probably eligable for free legal aid.

FairyCake

Okay, I'm having to really try to not be so harsh that I get banned here...

Not once in that long post did the words "love" and "child" appear in the same sentance. While I'm sure you do love your child very much I am just saying it would have been nice to actually submit such a sentiment in your "My ex is a pr@t" rant.

There are women out there who would pay a fortune to have a child, there are women out there paying a fortune in order to have a child and your biggest worry seems to be that you can't socialise as much as you want to. And you want to work with children?

You have a child. You created that child. No, not on your own but you certainly had a big hand in it. If you didn't want to have a child there are lots of methods of contraception around. I don't see the point in now moaning about how irresponsible the father is. You say he already had a child that he doesn't take care of. So the fact that he is not there for his second child either can't come as too big of a surprise?

I'm not saying any of this to be mean, I just think you really need a good, hard dose of reality. Please grow up, you have a child, you can't be a child anymore.

barbiegirl

Go down the legal route and get some maintenance. Then maybe he'll think before he gets the next one pregnant.

mikemac

redcow14 wrote: »

Anybody have anything to say about this? Like he gets away without giving me a penny. And yet he gets a grant in college, can earn thousands of euros every week working while he should in lectures in college, can work all through the summer and other holidays but doesn't even have to give me five euro a week in maintenance?

You said he earned €300 per week part-time.
How did this turn into thousands (not just 1 thousand) per week? What does he do exactly?

Exaggerate much............

Gordon

He's the father so he should be paying maintenance no? Go to a lawyer.

neuro-praxis

Fairycake, what a ridiculous and inappropriate response. The OP has no responisbility to you to talk about how much she loves her child: I think that's a given. The OP is obviously and understandably angry at the injustice of the situation she is dealing with.

OP I know very little about these things, but I do know that you are entitled to maintenence from him. I suggest a chat with a family lawyer, or perhaps someone in the department of social and family affairs can advise you?

http://www.singleparents.ie
http://www.welfare.ie

herya

I'd say the guy is a complete jerk but the legal way is the only way for you to go, there is no point in bellyaching over how irresponsible he is (he's always been like that probably). You seem to be doing well and have a healthy attitude about working, supporting your child etc. You went through hard times and may expect some more but I'm sure you'll cope as you seem to be a reasonable enough girl. When you're 25 you'll have a child, a career and a great life still in front of you and the guy will be chasing skirts still!

You owe it to your child, though, to make sure that his/her father is made to support the child as well. He had his pleasure, didn't think of contraceptives, you bore the consequences, he has to bear some as well - as simple as that. Would you like him to keep putting girls in trouble, himself untroubled?

heavyheart

Fairy cake what the hell was that ???? Do you think the OP came on here looking for a guilt trip or something ??
She doesnt need to write that "she loves her child " cause it goes without saying.

I would definitly go down the legal route, TWO of you made that child TWO of you should be involved in that childs life. The only reason your doing this on your own is because you have chosen to , get legal help , get maintenance and get on with your life that way. This is only going to eat you up if you chose to do nothing about it .....
Best of luck and i hope you get something sorted you deserve better..

RedXIV

OP, as the father of your child, he is morally and socially obligated to help support your kid and i think it's time he had that wake up call he needs. earning 300 a week means he has more than enough to live on, especially since he avails of the college grant scheme (although in hindsight, as far as i know, once you fail a year in college you lose this).

The most important thing you do now is get some legal advice about how to go about getting support for your kid.

Wish you all the best, sound like you'll be a great mum

Red

Blackhorse Slim

Either sue him for maintenance, as mentioned, or forget about him and focus on yourself and your child. Life is not fair, so you do what you can.

FairyCake

I'm an optimist. I'd like to think that one day people will take responsibility for the children that they create. Women as well as men.

We live in a society where there are women who have five children by the age of 25 by an assortment of men. And nobody is embarrassed by or ashamed of that.

I love the way none of this is the OPs fault. What? Was it an immaculate conception or did she not make the baby too?

MissThing

FairyCake you are a self righteous jack ass - cut the girl some slack and show some compassion.

OP the baby's father is a total loss - you're as well off without his interference, but you should seek legal advice as to maintenance payments - check out the parenting forum on boards to see if anyone there can help you.

I admire your determination in carrying on with studying/supporting your child - your child is lucky to have one decent parent - Good luck to all you set your heart on!

MT

Zulu

Sue for maintence.
Simple really.

herya

FairyCake wrote: »

I love the way none of this is the OPs fault. What? Was it an immaculate conception or did she not make the baby too?

She did make the baby but she accepted the consequences.
He did make the baby but rejected the consequences.

FairyCake

Well, excuse me for not opening my legs and then whining about how a child has ruined my social life.

I can see there must be a LOT of Irish women in the same boat. You should start a club.

Dudess

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Fairycake, what a ridiculous and inappropriate response.

+1. There's always at least one person on threads like this who just has to gleefully go against the grain and be unsympathetic to the OP - in this case the OP has written an extremely long and detailed post, and has apologised and explained herself a number of times within it.

I'm in agreement with those who say it's very simple: sue for maintenance. He's being remarkably selfish. I might not be so quick to say that if this was his only child, but he already has another one so he's definitely the one overwhelmingly at fault.

Beruthiel

FairyCake wrote: »

Well, excuse me for not opening my legs and then whining about how a child has ruined my social life.

I can see there must be a LOT of Irish women in the same boat. You should start a club.

And you should read this forums charter.
I'll ban for the next unhelpful post.

MissThing
You should also read the charter with regards to personal abuse.

B

Karen_*

FairyCake wrote: »

I'm an optimist. I'd like to think that one day people will take responsibility for the children that they create. Women as well as men.

We live in a society where there are women who have five children by the age of 25 by an assortment of men. And nobody is embarrassed by or ashamed of that.

I love the way none of this is the OPs fault. What? Was it an immaculate conception or did she not make the baby too?

Fairycake if you want to get something off your chest then why not start a thread so people can advise you and sympathise. I can only assume that coming in and attacking the OP inappropriately stems from some issue you have yourself.

OP I cut the father of my child off. He didn't even pursue seeing him or having access. I had to make the break for my own sanity and the welfare of the child. My sons father was very immature, paid nothing towards him and never turned up when he said he would. It was eating me up and I had to make a decsision to not let it eat me up for the next 18 years.

MissThing

FairyCake wrote: »

I'm an optimist. I'd like to think that one day people will take responsibility for the children that they create. Women as well as men.

We live in a society where there are women who have five children by the age of 25 by an assortment of men. And nobody is embarrassed by or ashamed of that.

She is taking responsibility! he's not that's the issue - anyway what has you so bent and out of shape?

heavyheart

FairyCake wrote: »

Well, excuse me for not opening my legs and then whining about how a child has ruined my social life.

I can see there must be a LOT of Irish women in the same boat. You should start a club.

Maybe you should start a club on how to be an ass and about how to miss the point of a post. Where exactly in her post is "whining" about how the child has ruined her social life ??
I really hope your writing this as a joke cause your statements are actually rediculous. Now i no your entitled to an opinion but sometimes if you have nothing good or constructive to say well then its best say nothing at all. And i for one would absolutely love if you said nothing at all ....

madser

FairyCake wrote: »

Well, excuse me for not opening my legs and then whining about how a child has ruined my social life.

I can see there must be a LOT of Irish women in the same boat. You should start a club.

Im sorry to offend but you just come across as jelous:o

Beruthiel

MissThing wrote: »

She is taking responsibility! he's not that's the issue - anyway what has you so bent and out of shape?

Seriously, did you see my warning?

I'm handing out bans from here to everyone who cannot stay on the OP's topic.

B

paperclip2

Hi OP,

I'm thirteen years further down the road from where you are now. My wonderful daughter was born at the end of my second year in college so I have some idea of how tough it is to be a fulltime student and parent, as well as how tough it is to go from essentially being a child to having one!

Reading your post I could hear all of the anger I had against my daughters father back then. He had serious issues and had a drink problem so maintenance was never gonna happen, worse, he appeared to have absolutely no interest in his daughter and would also blank us on the street. That would make my blood boil and I carried and nursed this anger for a few years until I realised that I was the winner in the situation. I had the privilege and responsibility of being there for my daughter and building a wonderful relationship with her. I’m the one she trusts, I’m the one she shares stuff with, I got all the good stuff, first word, first tooth, first day of school, first ‘crush’. I got all the less than stellar highlights too like measles, chickenpox, and losing her in the Jervis centre once. But that’s all part of it too. So I worked hard on letting go of the anger and doing the things I need to do to give her the best life I could.

Fast forward several years and because all of us decided to be grown ups my daughter has had a chance to build a relationship with her dad who is now sober and working and in a solid and happy relationship with a great woman. I'm maried and my daughter calls my husband 'dad' beacuse that is how she sees him. Its not always been easy but things do work out.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is things won’t always be as hard as they are for you now. Babies grow up and grow up FAST. To me it seems like only a couple of years ago that my daughter was feeding ducks out of her pushchair, now its endless requests for phone credit, later curfews and discussions about tattoos!! She’s almost 13 btw!

Re the maintenance issue there are agencies to sort that out for you. Contact your local Citizens information and they will point you in the right direction. TREOIR are also pretty helpful.

As an aside for those people who think its all just about the money sometimes the money is the easiest thing to get angry about. When you are a parent the pressure is on the be the best at all times and being human we sometimes need help but find it hard to ask for it. So we get angry and instead of being able to say 'I need a bit of help here' in case people think we can't cope we pick the thing thats justifiable to get angry over.

OP chin up hun. You are doing a great job, the most important job and believe me it WILL all be worth it. PM me if you want.

MissThing

Beruthiel wrote: »

And you should read this forums charter.
I'll ban for the next unhelpful post.

MissThing
You should also read the charter with regards to personal abuse.

B

Sorry - just got enraged - it won't happen again.

MJOR

FairyCake wrote: »

Well, excuse me for not opening my legs and then whining about how a child has ruined my social life.

That is just plain vulgar IMO.

I can understand where you are coming from OP my friend finds herself in a fairly similar situation but her and her partner had set up house.

I sugest you contact his parents and see if they will help with childcare in the meantime.

Unfortunately you do have to kind of stand on your own to feet, stop being negative and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The courts is the best way to hit him.... in the pocket and I am sure you would get free legal aid as you're not exactly flush with the cash, you decided to have the baby and now you must live your life for you and that little person

Forget him and hit him in the pocket

Don't let your baby see you upset they pick up on these things.

FairyCake

Okay, I'm very glad that the OP has such a wide support network. When going through a tough time it helps to know that there are other people in the same boat as you and it certainly seems like te OP is in good company here.

As for any attacks on me, I will answer any actual legitimate questions, but I won't respond to name-calling as I don't think they should be dignified with an answer. If I was to respond to them people would say "Oh, look, I'm right!"

Beruthiel

OP
13 years ago my sister was in the exact same boat as you.
Had her daughter at age 21, her b/f couldn't handle it and disappeared.
She finished college while working part time and took care of her daughter without ever once asked anyone for help.

The b/f turned into an alco who never made anything of his life. He's never once seen his wonderful daughter. His loss.
Mean while my sis is now married, has a great daughter, a full time job and very happy with her life.

Only you can decide what to do, but if he has no interest, all you are doing is upsetting yourself. This is his choice and he will have to live with that.
Sue him if you need money but don't let this get you down.

heavyheart

FairyCake wrote: »

As for any attacks on me,

What else did you expect writing what you wrote in the vulger manner that you did ??

Beruthiel

FairyCake wrote: »

I will answer any actual legitimate questions

Not here you won't.
This thread isn't about you.

B

herya

FairyCake wrote: »

Okay, I'm very glad that the OP has such a wide support network. When going through a tough time it helps to know that there are other people in the same boat as you and it certainly seems like te OP is in good company here.

What are you suggesting, that we are all single mothers abandoned by the fathers? Unreal :rolleyes:

colly10

FairyCake wrote: »

I'm an optimist. I'd like to think that one day people will take responsibility for the children that they create. Women as well as men.

We live in a society where there are women who have five children by the age of 25 by an assortment of men. And nobody is embarrassed by or ashamed of that.

I love the way none of this is the OPs fault. What? Was it an immaculate conception or did she not make the baby too?

I think its pretty plain for all to see that this girl is taking full responsibity for the child, she is working hard and appears to be a good mother. If I was to have a child regardless of whether or not im interested in being involved in it's life I would be paying child support, bringing up a child is very expensive, thats a fact. Stating expense or the fact she has to work harder does not mean that she doesn't want the child or considers it to be too much of a burden.
She doesn't have 5 kids and mistakes can happen regarless of who you are.
If I was not paying child support I would expect to be sewed for it and to the OP thats what I advise you to do. Your ex sounds like a complete asshole but its fairly irrelevent, nice or not he should be paying support and you should make sure you get it

LegacyUser

op Firstly I really want to congratulate you for managing to stay in college and raise your son in a loving and caring environment, you are doing this so you can give both yourself and your son a good standard of living in the future and you should be proud of that. Like previous posters I would most definitely look into taking the father to court for maintenance, he should not be allowed to get away with this. You could have gone down the 'easy' route and dropped out of college and allowed yourself get trapped in the social welfare system, but you didnt, your made of stronger stuff. On a practical note could you not try and see if a family member could babysit your son even once a month so you get out with your friends? It will give you some well deserved adult time away from college.

I really hope it works out for you..

badolepuddytat

Well done for making the most of a challenging situation OP, I agree with the others, particularly about the importance of not dwelling on the negativity surrounding your baby's dad. You'll just get more and more worked up about it which isn't healthy for you or the baby. Go through legal channels and try to get as much support as possible in order to get through these tough few years. You're very resourceful and you've come through a lot without his input, that's a credit to you. I hope he is willing to contribute willingly when he realises that he's being held accountable for providing for the baby also, maybe no-one has ever told him to cop on and this will be the wake-up call he badly needs.

milod

FairyCake wrote: »

Okay, I'm very glad that the OP has such a wide support network. When going through a tough time it helps to know that there are other people in the same boat as you and it certainly seems like te OP is in good company here.

At the risk of universal condemnation, I have to say I somewhat sympathise with FairyCake here - though his/her case was stated a little bluntly...

The questions I would ask the OP are:

Did the father have any choice in your decision to have the baby?
Did he want a child?
Is it his fault you got pregnant?
Did you discuss contraception with him?
Where do the rules say a guy must pay for a woman's choice to have a child?
Do you take any responsibility for your bad choice of sperm donor?

Your initial post is basically a resentful rant about a guy who seems to be a bit of a twat. However, you seem obsessed about something you can't actually control, but blame for your unhappiness.

Take him to court if it makes you happy - but it smacks more of revenge and resentment than actual concern for you child. You might get a few Euros from him every week, but you won't magically change him into the perfect father - especially if he didn't actually want to be one in the first place.

Beruthiel

milod wrote: »

Did the father have any choice in your decision to have the baby?
Did he want a child?
Is it his fault you got pregnant?
Did you discuss contraception with him?
Where do the rules say a guy must pay for a woman's choice to have a child?

I'll answer all the above with one comment.

When a man or women decide to engage in sex, then they are both equally responsible for the consequences of their actions, whatever they may be.
End of.

herya

milod wrote: »

Did the father have any choice in your decision to have the baby?
Did he want a child?
Is it his fault you got pregnant?

If he didn't decide to wear a condom - yes to all the questions.

milod

Beruthiel wrote: »

I'll answer all the above with one comment.

When a man or women decide to engage in sex, then they are both equally responsible for the consequences of their actions, whatever they may be.
End of.

Fair point - but have you noticed how life never conforms to nice simple ideas like that?

I asked the questions as Devil's Advocate. I would personally step up to the plate - but not all men do. The point I made at the end of my post was the relevant part....

"Your initial post is basically a resentful rant about a guy who seems to be a bit of a twat. However, you seem obsessed about something you can't actually control, but blame for your unhappiness.

Take him to court if it makes you happy - but it smacks more of revenge and resentment than actual concern for you child. You might get a few Euros from him every week, but you won't magically change him into the perfect father - especially if he didn't actually want to be one in the first place."

herya

milod wrote: »

Take him to court if it makes you happy - but it smacks more of revenge and resentment than actual concern for you child.

Why? Resentment might be there all right - and rightly so - but it's the mother's duty to make sure her child gets maintenance from his/her however reluctant father.

I agree that there is no point in trying to get the guy to oblige with his time or commitment though. Looks like a lost case, and can only make the mother bitter.

Monkey61

Milod makes a good point. Yes it was both of them who conceived the baby but if it was only the Op who wanted to have the baby well then it is certainly more her responsibility now then it is his.

Don't get me wrong she sounds like she is coping wonderfully and that is great, but there is no point ranting about the childs father having a great time if he did not want her to have the baby.

If after she got pregnant he wanted her to have it, then it is most definitely his responsibility, financially and otherwise. But if he did not want her to have it then really it is not. Legally it may be, but otherwise not.

herya

Monkey61 wrote: »

If after she got pregnant he wanted her to have it, then it is most definitely his responsibility, financially and otherwise. But if he did not want her to have it then really it is not. Legally it may be, but otherwise not.

I think Beruthiel answered to this above. If he didn't want to have a baby he shouldn't have had sex with a girl. Any girl. He had already fathered another baby so he should've really known better - babies happen after sex. Whether he changed his mind about babies after she got pregnant is irrelevant.

FairyCake

Beruthiel wrote: »

Not here you won't.
This thread isn't about you.

B

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

True, down off your high horse, I didn't mean here.

If anyone wants to ask me an actual question (as they have earlier in the thread) please PM me any legitimate questions.

I have a different view to the majority (women taking responsibility for their children) so I am unwelcome. :rolleyes:

Dudess

FairyCake wrote: »

I have a different view to the majority (women taking responsibility for their children) so I am unwelcome. :rolleyes:

Where have you found evidence on this thread of people not advocating women take responsibility for their children?
What about men taking responsibility for their children?

herya

Plus she HAS taken responsibility.

FairyCake

I read a lot of blame and self-pity in the original post.

I'm obviously seeing this in a very different light than everyone else. I'm astounded.

Nevyn

FairyCake banned for off topic posting and questioning a mod action in thread.

Monkey61

herya wrote: »

I think Beruthiel answered to this above. If he didn't want to have a baby he shouldn't have had sex with a girl. Any girl. He had already fathered another baby so he should've really known better - babies happen after sex. Whether he changed his mind about babies after she got pregnant is irrelevant.

But that's absolutely ridiculous. Babies do not neccessarily follow from sex - have you heard of contraception?? If used properly, the pill combined with condoms has a 99% success rate - which is a pretty high rate. So 99% of the time, babies never just "happen" after sex, unless people are horrendously stupid. As if accidents happen, the morning after pill is there for such emergencies.

The point I am trying to make is that in this day and age, there is still a choice after one becomes pregnant. And the choice should involve both parents - the choice whether or not to have the baby. Having the baby is not an automatic option. This is the point where the father could make it known that he does not want to have the baby and thus the mother cannot blame him later if he opted out of a choice that she then went ahead and made.

This is not a rant at the Op at all byt the way...I am just trying to explain what I meant... as it was clearly misunderstood.

MagicMarker

FairyCake wrote: »

I'm an optimist. I'd like to think that one day people will take responsibility for the children that they create. Women as well as men.

We live in a society where there are women who have five children by the age of 25 by an assortment of men. And nobody is embarrassed by or ashamed of that.

I love the way none of this is the OPs fault. What? Was it an immaculate conception or did she not make the baby too?

Are you completely delusional? Maybe try and reread the op's post!! It's quite obvious that she is taking responsabilities for her actions!!

We need a thumbs down buttom for posts such as yours!!!

OP: I haven't read the majority of replies, but that's only because i assume they all say the same thing.

Sue him for maintanence, he can choose not to emotionally support the child, but it's his OBLIGATION to support him/her financially.

If he thinks he can just have a child and forget about it, then maybe having a significant chunk of his salary garnished for the next 18 years will make him think twice before his dick jumps out of his pants.

LegacyUser

back on topic... what do people think of the op's situation?

well i am the daughter of a dead beat dad,he never gave my mum a bean for anything,parents split up when i was 2,growing up i never had much respect for my dad as he never acted very responsibly...

now i am grown up i have learnt to take responsibility for myself,i have no resentment toward him because i feel my dad is only a person and blood means nothing to me-there are plenty of people in the world i have meaningful relationships with and he just isnt one of them... i have to accept where he is at in himself,he has no sense of deep relationships with anyone-i used to think he was getting off lightly but he's not....

we are all conditioned to think that the norm is to have two parents who are there for you-i have neither of my parents and i look after myself,the life i have had has taught me how to do this and now it seems it is a gift...the journey was tough working through the pain of it-but i have come out the other side thinking that i hold the power to my happiness and my parents are not at fault because i now understand that they are just human beings....learning to forgive for me was not about condoning their behaviour but accepting that we are all doing the best we know how to do....

if i had any advice to the op it would be to be proud of yourself and the role model you are for your child,once you are being positive about your life you will create that world around you-if the dad ever does contact you you will be strong enough in you life to handle it accordingly.... best of luck to you and your child xxx

LegacyUser

OP, sue him for maintenance for one reason: so he doesn't f**k up around with girls life, so that he cops on, and see's that he has to pay up. Otherwise I fear he'll go on his happy carefree way with a string of fatherless kids beind him :grrr:

As for the grant & the €300 a week... is the €300 above or below the table?

Finally, as FairyCake says, it takes two to tango, but the way I look at it: it only takes one to be a parent. You may think it sucks being a single parent, but I'd say it's a lot better than being with a immature alcho.

herya

Monkey61 wrote: »

But that's absolutely ridiculous. Babies do not neccessarily follow from sex - have you heard of contraception??

Who said "necessarily"? Not me. They do happen *sometimes* and if you have sex you take a risk, which he did. There are many reasons for which a girl might not want to have an abortion and nobody should force her to do it if she herself doesn't want to. Don't want babies, don't have sex with fertile women.