What does it mean?

Wibbs

g'em wrote: »

Not necessarily. In fact, all the answers given above are possibilities but the only person who can tell you for sure is her.

Right now my own boyfriend and myself are "on a break" (instigated by me) but I dearly hope with all my heart that we'll have the strength to work through it. He was confused at first by what it was going to mean, so he asked me and I explained it to him. I guess for me it was most akin to your answer (a) - the break gives me the space to let my head explore where we are without pressure. We were fighting so much that all our energy was being expended on bickering and not resolving. The break is giving me (and him) a chance to think about how we're going to make things right again. I'm sure my situation is different to you and your girlfriends' though, so you'll need to talk to her to know where you stand.

Keep the lines of communication open between you, give her space but let her know that you love her.

This is good example of a couple having some issues that are resolvable, but may have driven a wedge between them for the moment. Issues that require some head space for both of them. It's also an example of someone being very adult and responsible in seeking that head space, with full disclosure about how both are feeling, especially the one looking for the break and clearly meaning it. And if someone was on the recieving end of such a break, it would naturally be a anxious time but also time for moving forward. The fact that she is still invested in the relationship and there's no one else is also a biggy. That's how it should be done in an ideal world and fair play.

IMHO Sadly it's also a rarity.......


In most cases, especially with what the OP has written it's usually more than the above. The change in her is probably her emotionally distancing herself, probably the sex side of the relationship is either dropped off in frequency or feels like going through the motions for her. The arguments have increased, with her picking more of them.

Now you will hear people say they just fell out of love. Yes that can happen, but there is usually a reason. 99% of the time. After all for a good proportion of the relationship she thought this was forever. What changed her mind?

I would say that the reason for this change in her is an unresolved issue that has come up before. An issue that you may have ignored or argued about but then thought was sorted. Lets pick an example out of the hat. It could be any number of things but chances are you know what's eating her(Funny enough it's often something that she decided to ignore when you first went out and were in the "in love" phase. Unless that issue changes then it'll often come back to haunt you both).

Lets say she's unhappy because you don't go out as a couple as much as you did. She mentions this a few times, but it largely passes you by. You have arguments about it, but they appear resolved to you and you go back to the way it was, maybe with some short term movement towards her point of view. The resentment builds up until it gets to the point where you finally see this change.

The starting point for that change in her happened a good while before you spotted it. I would put a fair few quid on that and I'm a cheapskate.

The resentment over the issue slowly eats at her and slowly pushes the love she has for you as her partner(not always as a person).

It's at this point where consciously or not, she will have her eye open for options. IE leaving you or another guy. In the case of another guy it will usually be someone who appears to offer her the very thing she thinks you can't. In the hypothetical example above, maybe a guy who goes out more etc. Of course he may not and end up being a rebound, but the newness has a certain shine to it.

Now she will work on you as a couple up to that point as she may feel bad for leaving you or feel unsure about being on her own(more common with women). If there is another guy that fear of being on her own is less and she will call for a break to see how she feels about you and or another guy.

My advice would be to figure out what it is that's bugging her. If it's obviously fixable then do so. Don't tell her either. Show her. Give her space, but I would work on the principle that it's over, or at least the relationship you did have together has changed, maybe for good.

Give her space. Move on your own head and if she does come back then start the relationship afresh. Don't wait too long though to leave the past behind.

Wibbs

moridin wrote: »

Dude, if she can't trust herself to keep her knickers on when she's drunk and on the piss with her buddies on holidays then you can't either. She's basically told you "I want to be able to have casual sex while I'm on holiday", and wants to make herself feel better about it by denying that she's in a relationship.

Agreed. You're being forcefed high quality BS there.