Are there any occasions for which the greeting card market doesn't cater for?

Pighead

Pighead was in the Greeting Card shop last week getting a Fathers Day card for Papa Pighead and was astounded and maybe even a little bit flabbergasted by the amount of inane occasions that have been claimed by the card companies as causes for celebration/commiseration.

Congratulations on your new garden, Sorry to hear you were sick with the flu, Good Luck with your pregnancy etc etc. Who the fcuk sends people cards wishing them good luck in their pregnancies. Surely thats a bit morbid, even suggesting that there is a chance everything won't work out.

Pighead sends exactly 4 cards every year without fail. Mamas Day, Papas Day, Miss Piggys birthday and a Valentines Day card. No More, no less. Its your 30th birthday? Tough titty pal, no cards for you. Weddings? Nope. Funerals. Definitely not. People are to sad to be reading silly cards.

Maybe Pighead just doesn't send enough cards. Maybe he's a tight fcuker who should spend a bit more time taking notice of the important events in his circles lives. Maybe he hasn't got any friends.

What occasions can you think of that the card people haven't cottoned onto yet would make for a good greeting card?

Rb

Virginity loss
First time you do a bird up the arse

humanji

"I'm sorry to hear about your problem. Don't worry, it happens to lots of men. Maybe you had too much to drink?"

Genghiz Cohen

Rb wrote: »

Virginity loss
First time you do a bird up the arse

Rb maintains his rank as Boards' classiest poster.

Pighead

Rb wrote: »

Virginity loss
First time you do a bird up the arse

Pighead prefers the more traditional father to son handshake when news breaks around the dinner table of initial lady arse entering "proceedings."

Suppose a card would be handy for the people who've moved out of the family home by the time you've initialised "proceedings".

chickenhawk

First successful suicide bombing.

Pighead

humanji wrote: »

"I'm sorry to hear about your problem. Don't worry, it happens to lots of men. Maybe you had too much to drink?"

Woah, Pighead er Pigheads friend would have the postmen working overtime if such a card existed. He'd have to build a shed out the back to cope with the sheer volumes of cards received. He'd call it the Shed of Shame.

Boggles

Sorry to Hear you were Molested?

orestes

chickenhawk wrote: »

First successful suicide bombing.

Yeah, but the one for your second succesful suicide bombing isn't really gonna be a big seller

gogglebok

Euthanasia. Loss of virginity. A card commemorating the moment when men realise that fluffing up the fringe isn't working any more and they are bald enough to shave the head. Good luck on your sentencing. Happy new breasts. Commiserations on your eviction from reality TV. Tentative congratulations for engagement to someone I don't approve of. National wart removal day. Face It, You're Fat (comes with gym voucher). Thanks for the sex. Dealer's Day. Today We Tell You You're Adopted! Good luck with the blood test.

who's yer one?

Genital Warts


i mean, if there's a card for the freakin' flu there should be a card for this, no?

Rb

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

Rb maintains his rank as Boards' classiest poster.

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead prefers the more traditional father to son handshake when news breaks around the dinner table of initial lady arse entering "proceedings."

Suppose a card would be handy for the people who've moved out of the family home by the time you've initialised "proceedings".

Ah, you see I'm a bit more vocal about these sort of matters. After the first time I did a girl up the back door, I took an ad out in the Irish Times. Different strokes for different folks I suppose.

funk-you

Well done on your collection of belly-button fluff.

-Funk

LadyE

Rb wrote: »

Virginity loss
First time you do a bird up the arse

Damn you! Was gonna say the virginity one!

Pighead

LadyE wrote: »

Damn you! Was gonna say the virginity one!

You can still do it. Second time is always better than the first.

funk-you

Commiserations on being baron.

-Funk

orestes

funk-you wrote: »

Commiserations on being baron.

-Funk

OI!

Being Baron is nothing to be ashamed of! :mad:

Rb

Pighead wrote: »

You can still do it. Second time is always better than the first.

Not when Rb is involved in the first time :pac:

Oh and another card

"Commiserations on being Jigsaw'd"

funk-you

orestes wrote: »

OI!

Being Baron is nothing to be ashamed of! :mad:

True, but it's most likely a bad occasion when you find out. Hence the card.

-Funk

AckwelFoley

"Sorry 'bout the AIDS"

A recent study has revealed that suggest old ppl are the now biggest carriers of AIDS...


*open card*



Hearing AIDS
Seeing AIDS
Chewing AIDS
Band AIDS
Walking AIDS
Government AIDS

Congrats on your new Hearing device Grandpa

Love

Snyper

Archeron

Congratulations on your eyebrows growing back.

That would be probably be quite popular.

Terry

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead was in the Greeting Card shop last week getting a Fathers Day card for Papa Pighead and was astounded and maybe even a little bit flabbergasted by the amount of inane occasions that have been claimed by the card companies as causes for celebration/commiseration.

Congratulations on your new garden, Sorry to hear you were sick with the flu, Good Luck with your pregnancy etc etc. Who the fcuk sends people cards wishing them good luck in their pregnancies. Surely thats a bit morbid, even suggesting that there is a chance everything won't work out.

Pighead sends exactly 4 cards every year without fail. Mamas Day, Papas Day, Miss Piggys birthday and a Valentines Day card. No More, no less. Its your 30th birthday? Tough titty pal, no cards for you. Weddings? Nope. Funerals. Definitely not. People are to sad to be reading silly cards.

Maybe Pighead just doesn't send enough cards. Maybe he's a tight fcuker who should spend a bit more time taking notice of the important events in his circles lives. Maybe he hasn't got any friends.

What occasions can you think of that the card people haven't cottoned onto yet would make for a good greeting card?

Funnily enough, I had trouble finding a 30th birthday card last week.
He had to settle for a "Congatulations on your retirement" one.

chickenhawk wrote: »

First successful suicide bombing.

Or your second.

Anyway, everyone sing it with me: moonpig.com

Gran Hermano

funk-you wrote: »

Commiserations on being baron.

-Funk

If you become a member of aristocracy or receive a peerage I'm sure
congratulations rather than commiserations are in order.

On the other hand discovering one is unable to reproduce and pass on their
genes, barren in other words, may require a card offering your condolences.

Might I suggest a "Congradulashuns on your illiteracy" card?

FlutterinBantam

UUUUmmmm... havn't seen one for when after a long period of being badly bound, one fills the pewter with a sturdy log cabin,and proudly survey the damage.

Timberrrrrr or something like that would be a nice tag line.

orestes

funk-you wrote: »

True, but it's most likely a bad occasion when you find out. Hence the card.

-Funk

I was jokingly referring to my sig and my title as baron of the nocturnal forum :pac:

This proves that if you gotta explain the joke, it wasn't a good one

randylonghorn

Rb wrote: »

Ah, you see I'm a bit more vocal about these sort of matters. After the first time I did a girl up the back door, I took an ad out in the Irish Times. Different strokes for different folks I suppose.

"Congratulations on your appropriate choice of language!"

funk-you

Gran Hermano wrote: »

If you become a member of aristocracy or receive a peerage I'm sure
congratulations rather than commiserations are in order.

On the other hand discovering one is unable to reproduce and pass on their
genes, barren in other words, may require a card offering your condolences.

Might I suggest a "Congradulashuns on your illiteracy" card?

Congratulations on having a massive cock card as you is teh bestest spellorz card? Woooooooooooooooooo!

-Funk

"So you're blind"

"Sorry your parents died"

KnifeWRENCH

"Congratulations on your first ASBO" (I have a horrible feeling this card may actually exist)

"Congratulations on escaping your kidnapper" - would be very popular in Austria!

Wertz

"Best of luck with your circumcision"

Pighead

Happy Non-Christmas for all the heathens out there maybe.

Reganio 2

I remember making a pisstake one for my mate who was dumped by his girlfriend (nothing serious they were together for like 2/3 months or something) and it said
"Dumped unlucky" on the cover
then on the inside
"I thought she was a bloke anyway"

He seen the funny side.
I feel I am a very considerate mate anyway

Terry

Pighead wrote: »

Happy Non-Christmas for all the heathens out there maybe.

Ask thaedydal.

Pighead

Terry wrote: »

Ask thaedydal.

Pighead doesn't believe in Thaedydal. Thaedydalism is a sham.

RonMexico

Outside - Congratulations You're On The Rag.

Inside - Don't ****in take it out on me bitch!



Oh and a Mass Bouquet for those going through the Menopause

The_B_Man

Happy 1000th post?

ejmaztec

Congratulations on fu*king up the EU by voting no in the Lisbon referendum.

This would have to be in very big print.

Earthhorse

Pighead wrote: »

No More, no less. Its your 30th birthday? Tough titty pal, no cards for you.

funk-you wrote: »

Commiserations on being baron.

-Funk

When I first read this I thought it said "Commiserations on being bacon".

When I made my communion and confirmation I got lots of cards from relatives, but when I became an atheist? Not one. Not even a phonecall.

wil

Aliens.
Happy Invasion Colonisation and Enslavement Day to Insect Overlords everywhere.

And what about Hyper Intelligent Shades of Blue.
Happy Blue Day

wil

Earthhorse wrote: »

When I made my communion and confirmation I got lots of cards from relatives, but when I became an atheist? Not one. Not even a phonecall.

So how much more proof do you need?:pac::D

flanum

"Even though you've only one Breast, we still think that your the best!

or

"Happy Abortion!"

Abi

Having thought a bit about the guy who tried to sell his wife on ebay.. while I feel fur teh guy, it cuts both ways. so for the ladies..

Front of card

Happy divorce day Ex!

/Open card


Happy divorce day honey,
Finally I have all your money,

From your casuals to your suits,
your socks to your boots,

Our getaway from afar,
Your boat and your car,


All thanks to your bitch, I found the email,
and for this my dear, you epically phail.


Go suck donkey balls baby

xoxoxox

Gran Hermano

"Happy Vasectomy"

Now that you're impotent may you feel important.

randylonghorn

Abigayle wrote: »

...

LOL!

Jigsaw

Rb wrote: »

Not when Rb is involved in the first time :pac:

Oh and another card

"Commiserations on being Jigsaw'd"

Commiserations on being owned by the Boards fraternity.

If the thread was as good as you all make out do I get a card for thread of the year. I do not feel I deserve such acclaim but some seem to think I do.

Btw, it would be CONGRATULATIONS on being Jigsawed, I can assure you. :-)



Posted via Mobile Device

Redrocket

Lolocaust material belongs in Lolocaust.

kowloon

square_igloo wrote: »

"Congratulations on your first ASBO" (I have a horrible feeling this card may actually exist)

Written on a Burberry background?

I would like to see:

Congratulations on surviving an attack from a Mexican crocodile.

Abi

Beep beep!

ScumLord

I've never seen any, mmm sorry I raped ou with a sad cat on them. The rest are just to formal.

Dudess

Congrats, you've discovered your/her clitoris!

Abi

Dudess wrote: »

Congrats, you've discovered your/her clitoris!

lol I liiike :pac: