About to be rejected by girl: How do I respond?

Rosso

This is a follow up to be previous question a couple of weeks ago about interracial relationships. You can read more about that here

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055306678&highlight=interracial

For those of you who just want quick summary Here's what happened: Been courting a girl I am working with for a cpl of months now. She's Irish, I'm not. Fancied her soon after we started working. She admits that she likes me too. Asked her out but she said 'no' because we are still colleagues working closely together. She said she will give me answer if she wants to go out with me after we stop being co-workers (in 10 days time). However, we have been texting each other off work everyday. The text were very affectionate but recently, due to reasons I discussed in my previous thread, they stopped being affectionate as before and slightly less frequent.


Anyway, the 2 months 'waiting period' is almost over, and she says she will give me an answer in about a weeks time. With the recent changes in her behaviour, and that she keeps talking (or texting rather) about how we are both two very different people and it won't work etc etc, I am almost certain she that her answer will be a 'no'

I'm not good with these sort of situations. My reaction to being dumped in the past have been pretty pathetic and sorry, in my opinion (tears, begging and all, but that was in the context of a serious relationship lasting a long time)

When she turns me down, I dont think I would know what to say, or how to react. I am really really mad about her, but I doubt there would be tears (I hope) cos I've only known her for such a short time. An angry reaction would make me look like a psycho. Acting blase, like nothing's happened would make me look like my intentions were not honest and sincere in the first place. If I follow my heart, I'd probably be sulking , acting sad and heart broken but that would just make me look like a loser.

I'm trying to get out of this in the most dignified manner possible. What should I do/say?

c - 13

All you can do is keep calm and just ask for clarification as to why she thinks it wont work. If she doesn't want it theres no point in chasing her you'll only upset yourself more.

Chin up man, you'll get over it.

AARRRGH

You're not in love with her; you're infatuated with her.

I agree it sounds like the answer will be no.

Respect this and move on with your life.

She is the one with the problem and doesnt know what she wants. You know what you want. So it sounds like alot of crap you have to put up with .
Dont worry about it and move on.

Rosso

dublindude wrote: »

You're not in love with her; you're infatuated with her.

I agree it sounds like the answer will be no.

Respect this and move on with your life.

I know this. I never said I was in love with her. My point is what should I say/do?

AARRRGH

Rosso wrote: »

I know this. I never said I was in love with her. My point is what should I say/do?

Well you said you were gonna be heart broken. Sorry I misread that as love.

Considering you won't be working with her anymore, I think the best thing to do is leave it at that and not contact her again.

My conspiracy theory side has me thinking the excuse about working together was false. Maybe because she was never really into you, or maybe because there is someone else on the side, and she wanted to see how things would go with them.

Rosso

dublindude wrote: »

Well you said you were gonna be heart broken. Sorry I misread that as love.

Considering you won't be working with her anymore, I think the best thing to do is leave it at that and not contact her again.

My conspiracy theory side has me thinking the excuse about working together was false. Maybe because she was never really into you, or maybe because there is someone else on the side, and she wanted to see how things would go with them.

Playing devils advocate ! She's not the calculating type, her ex cheated on her many times. But I guess you just never know about people I guess.

MagicMarker

woah woah woah!!!!

Are you trying to say that this girl has been stringing you along for the past two months? And you have to wait another 10 days for an answer as to weather she'll go out with you?

Sorry man, but you need to grow a pair of balls!! Either she does, or she doesn't, making someone wait 2 months for an answer is harsh. The woman is a retard.

Even if she says yes, you should tell her where to go.

Rosso

MagicMarker wrote: »

woah woah woah!!!!

Are you trying to say that this girl has been stringing you along for the past two months? And you have to wait another 10 days for an answer as to weather she'll go out with you?

Sorry man, but you need to grow a pair of balls!! Either she does, or she doesn't, making someone wait 2 months for an answer is harsh. The woman is a retard.

Even if she says yes, you should tell her where to go.

I dont think she's stringing me along. I saw the same problem as her as well. We work in a small group of 3-4 people and it would be awkward if 2 of us were dating. Its because of that I hesitated and only asked her out after 3 months of working together. I could see where she is coming from.

kraggy

Have some respect for yourself and don't be waiting on her to make up her mind when she feels like it.

She's not being very respectful to you by treating you like that.

You sure you want someone like that?

speaktofrank

Make the decision for her, tell her you have changed your mind. Seeing as you think she will say no anyway why not? That way it might even lead to her coming to you begging you to change your mind. Mind games, got to love them

blindpilot

Ah man get out and get out fast. She needs over 2 months to make a decision? Crap to that. How long does it take her to decide on what to wear for a night out? If she felt for you she wouldn't leave you hanging like this. It sounds cruel but it happens a lot. If you hang around for her I wish you luck

Wibbs

MagicMarker wrote: »

woah woah woah!!!!

Are you trying to say that this girl has been stringing you along for the past two months? And you have to wait another 10 days for an answer as to weather she'll go out with you?

Sorry man, but you need to grow a pair of balls!! Either she does, or she doesn't, making someone wait 2 months for an answer is harsh. The woman is a retard.

Even if she says yes, you should tell her where to go.

+1. She's extracting the urine and no mistake. You're helping her to do it too. One of the reasons she's going to give you the heave ho, is because you're acting like a doormat. A desperate one at that.

MIN2511

Wibbs wrote: »

+1. She's extracting the urine and no mistake. You're helping her to do it too. One of the reasons she's going to give you the heave ho, is because you're acting like a doormat. A desperate one at that.

No he's not, most girls like to be courted.... He's courting her, okay she DEFINITELY IS GOING TO SAY NO at this stage. Seems she's lost interest at this stage.
Dude, my 2c meet her for coffee et all and then tell her you don't want to date someone who can't make up their mind e.t.c.
Actually mind games might be good at this stage:) you have nothing to lose at this stage



and btw mind games not MEAN games

LegacyUser

Rosso wrote: »

This is a follow up to be previous question a couple of weeks ago about interracial relationships. You can read more about that here

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055306678&highlight=interracial

For those of you who just want quick summary Here's what happened: Been courting a girl I am working with for a cpl of months now. She's Irish, I'm not. Fancied her soon after we started working. She admits that she likes me too. Asked her out but she said 'no' because we are still colleagues working closely together. She said she will give me answer if she wants to go out with me after we stop being co-workers (in 10 days time). However, we have been texting each other off work everyday. The text were very affectionate but recently, due to reasons I discussed in my previous thread, they stopped being affectionate as before and slightly less frequent.


Anyway, the 2 months 'waiting period' is almost over, and she says she will give me an answer in about a weeks time. With the recent changes in her behaviour, and that she keeps talking (or texting rather) about how we are both two very different people and it won't work etc etc, I am almost certain she that her answer will be a 'no'

I'm not good with these sort of situations. My reaction to being dumped in the past have been pretty pathetic and sorry, in my opinion (tears, begging and all, but that was in the context of a serious relationship lasting a long time)

When she turns me down, I dont think I would know what to say, or how to react. I am really really mad about her, but I doubt there would be tears (I hope) cos I've only known her for such a short time. An angry reaction would make me look like a psycho. Acting blase, like nothing's happened would make me look like my intentions were not honest and sincere in the first place. If I follow my heart, I'd probably be sulking , acting sad and heart broken but that would just make me look like a loser.

I'm trying to get out of this in the most dignified manner possible. What should I do/say?

she doesn't like you. she prob said she did once cos she was confused and didn't know how to deal with the situation. you'll do her a favour if you quit insisting on going out with her.

Tusky

Seems to me as if she has already said no.

Rosso wrote: »

With the recent changes in her behaviour, and that she keeps talking (or texting rather) about how we are both two very different people and it won't work etc etc

Rosso

I'm so confused......

I've been avoiding texting her the entire weekend but she keeps on initiating the texting. It was a company night out last Friday and I couldn't go because I had to do the night shift. Got a text in the evening saying how she wished I was there, how much she is missing me and how it (the night out) wasnt the same without me. Then later (at 2am) got another text, asking if I find her attractive and sexy...followed by a text that she'll spend the next week thinking if it (the relationship) will work or not...I told her its up to her and she needs to make up her mind soon, coz I need to move on.

Anyway, yesterday and today, she's been texting me constantly, first thing after she wakes up, then in the afternoon, and yesterday, before she goes to bed. Just this afternoon, she texted me asking me what I was doing. Told her I was just about to go to watch a movie (The Incredible Hulk, 3.5/5 stars for me). Told me to enjoy it, and then after I got back from the cinema, got more texts from her. All small talk really..'what u doing now', 'what ur plans for the rest of the day' summer plans..a bit about work..etc etc...

If she's not interested then what's she playing at?

MagicMarker

she's playing mind games! She's already mentioned that you're not right for each other, but she loved the attention you've been giving her. She saw that you weren't chasing her this past week and felt like boosting her ego and such by sending drunken texts.. ''do you thinik i'm sexy?''... come on man!!

Either tell her RIGHT NOW that you need an answer RIGHT NOW, or forget about her.. Because you're being a door mat just letting her string you along.

LegacyUser

Rosso wrote: »

I'm so confused......

I've been avoiding texting her the entire weekend but she keeps on initiating the texting. It was a company night out last Friday and I couldn't go because I had to do the night shift. Got a text in the evening saying how she wished I was there, how much she is missing me and how it (the night out) wasnt the same without me. Then later (at 2am) got another text, asking if I find her attractive and sexy...followed by a text that she'll spend the next week thinking if it (the relationship) will work or not...I told her its up to her and she needs to make up her mind soon, coz I need to move on.

Anyway, yesterday and today, she's been texting me constantly, first thing after she wakes up, then in the afternoon, and yesterday, before she goes to bed. Just this afternoon, she texted me asking me what I was doing. Told her I was just about to go to watch a movie (The Incredible Hulk, 3.5/5 stars for me). Told me to enjoy it, and then after I got back from the cinema, got more texts from her. All small talk really..'what u doing now', 'what ur plans for the rest of the day' summer plans..a bit about work..etc etc...

If she's not interested then what's she playing at?

You mentioned earlier that her ex cheated on here many times. This is NO excuse to treat you like this but it may be a factor. She's probably after taking a knock from being belittled so badly by the last guy. She needs reassurance and lots of compliments. You've been more than a gentleman from the sounds of things. It does seem that she steering towards a 'no' but although I'm a little ashamed to admit this, I understand what MAY be happening. My ex cheated on me and treated me very, very badly. I don't feel as though I can have another relationship and I fear that if I do it'll be another toxic one like the last. I'm very cautious with men, I don't trust anybody, I can't take compliments as I feel inadequate and can't believe that when a man says I'm attractive that he actually means it and isn't just trying to get lucky. She may very well be dealing with self esteem issues from her past relationship.
One thing I can say is, if she really, really wanted a relationship right now she'd be grabbing it with both hands. I know if I met a guy who gave me that butterfly feeling again and who was genuine and loyal and actually interested in being with me rather than sleeping with me and sleeping around, I'd gladly welcome his advances. Fact is, I'm emotionally closed down. I'm lonely but it's my own fault because I'm not moving on and dealing with what my ex did to me. He's no longer got any control over me yet somehow I hold myself back on account of him. While I'd love to feel loved and attractive again, I know that it's not the right time. I'm too confused and still too hurt.
Sounds like this lady is the same. It isn't gona go anywhere until she sorts herself out. I say take a back seat. Tell her you can see she's still hurting and needs some time to look after herself. Be her friend but move on with your own life. Why should her tragedy become yours? You didn't hurt her and you do not deserve to be punished. I'm sure she is not doing it intentionally though.
Just give her space. She sounds like she's nowhere near ready to have a successful relationship.



By the way, I'm not looking for attention or anything because I never told anyone the stuff I said in that post. I only posted to try help.
Good luck

Rosso

Cheated wrote: »

You mentioned earlier that her ex cheated on here many times. This is NO excuse to treat you like this but it may be a factor. She's probably after taking a knock from being belittled so badly by the last guy. She needs reassurance and lots of compliments. You've been more than a gentleman from the sounds of things. It does seem that she steering towards a 'no' but although I'm a little ashamed to admit this, I understand what MAY be happening. My ex cheated on me and treated me very, very badly. I don't feel as though I can have another relationship and I fear that if I do it'll be another toxic one like the last. I'm very cautious with men, I don't trust anybody, I can't take compliments as I feel inadequate and can't believe that when a man says I'm attractive that he actually means it and isn't just trying to get lucky. She may very well be dealing with self esteem issues from her past relationship.One thing I can say is, if she really, really wanted a relationship right now she'd be grabbing it with both hands. I know if I met a guy who gave me that butterfly feeling again and who was genuine and loyal and actually interested in being with me rather than sleeping with me and sleeping around, I'd gladly welcome his advances. Fact is, I'm emotionally closed down. I'm lonely but it's my own fault because I'm not moving on and dealing with what my ex did to me. He's no longer got any control over me yet somehow I hold myself back on account of him. While I'd love to feel loved and attractive again, I know that it's not the right time. I'm too confused and still too hurt.
Sounds like this lady is the same. It isn't gona go anywhere until she sorts herself out. I say take a back seat. Tell her you can see she's still hurting and needs some time to look after herself. Be her friend but move on with your own life. Why should her tragedy become yours? You didn't hurt her and you do not deserve to be punished. I'm sure she is not doing it intentionally though.
Just give her space. She sounds like she's nowhere near ready to have a successful relationship.



By the way, I'm not looking for attention or anything because I never told anyone the stuff I said in that post. I only posted to try help.
Good luck

Well,you could be right, she did admit to self esteem issues from that previous relationship, but they broke up 10 months ago, and earlier this year when we first started working together, during coffee break I did hear here mentioned about being ready to be in a relationship again. Sigh....the confusion of it all...

Tragedy

Cheated, you sound exactly like a girl I know very well - except you seem to have thought about it a lot more and decided whats best for you.

Seriously, fair played to you for being strong enough to look into whats making you unhappy and unable to have a relationship and realising that for now, it's probably best to be alone.

But if someone amazing comes along, I hope you dont let the chance slip away - I dont think anything is ever that black & white.


Rosso, she's obviously become used to the attention and now that she isnt getting it, is playing pretty typical mind games to get it back. Do not fall for them, you know what she genuinely thinks.

Rosso

Wonder if this is more mind games from her...

As usual she texted again last night, telling me about how busy she is with packing (she is going on holidays for a week today) then her text went:

Her: btw, what do u think of me not bringing my mobile with me when I am on
my hols?

Me: Its your phone, not mine, dont ask me.

Her: Ok.

5 minutes later, she text again

Her: Fine so

Me: What you mean?

Her: Its okay, nevermind, sleep well.

Me: Happy packing (with or without your phone)

Her: Ok (my name)

Me: I sensed that I've pissed you off somehow

Her: Its ok. I'm difficult.

Me: Tell me

Her. Go to sleep. I'm crazy. x(text speak for kiss, for those who dont know)

Me: Ok. Feel free to talk about it if u want to. Good night!

Her: x is much better than 'goodnight'!

Me: Sorry for being insensitive

Her: Are you gone off me?

Me: No. You are the one who's got a decision to make remember?

Her: You're acting strange. Quiet and detached.

Me: I'm ok. Its all in your head.

Her: I dont believe you but anyway, see you tomorrow.

I somehow sensed that she's quite insecure about me not liking her anymore, but if she's not interested, why bother?

Tragedy

Look, you're pissed off and rightly so. Been there done that - believe me. Dont let anger/bitterness/bile/whatever creep in. Either give her an ultimatum or accept that things may stay as they are.

What you're doing above is only going to have one possible ending, and thats bitter acrimony.

c - 13

On reading that it seems to me that she enjoys knowing that your interested in her and is stringing you along. Best thing to do is stop texting her, delete her number when you leave the company and forget about her. I hate people who play mindgames like this one.

MIN2511

c - 13 wrote: »

On reading that it seems to me that she enjoys knowing that your interested in her and is stringing you along. Best thing to do is stop texting her, delete her number when you leave the company and forget about her. I hate people who play mindgames like this one.

+ 1

She is stringing him along

Sad!

LegacyUser

Listen, mate, interesting text.

Now tell her to take a hike ... and, go find a girl who
really likes and fancies you ... and is not just f**king
with your head and your emotions.

Sugar Drunk

she is having a laugh! Op read those texts back. She texts you to get attention. She wanted you to say no to her not bringing her phone on hols, she wanted you to beg her to bring it so you could text her all week and when you just said 'ok' she got all moody again, wanting attention. wanting you to ask why.

she sounds like a head case and a totally attention seeker. She has all the control and you are letting her! who in their right mine lets a girl take two months to decide if you are good enough for her to go out with? and all the while she is texting you stringing you alone - what does she want you to beg?

Play her at her own game a bit. Dont reply to her texts sfor a while, dont answer the phone, let her chase you. Please dump this girl its the kick in the @rse she very much needs!
from your posts you come across as a nice sensitive guy - dont you deserve and want a better girl for yourself? someone who is dying to go out with you?

p.s. I was never as awful as this girl but a few years back I knew a guy was mad about me. I loved the attention but did not want to go out with him. we were friends and this went on for months, we would hang out but I never gave him any commitment. he was used to getting any girl he wanted and was shocked that someone knocked him back. eventually he got sick of it and stopped chasing me. and then, only then did I realise how much I missed him and how much I had grown to like him and how we were so close. We are now going out years. I acted like a bitch back then but was never ever as awful as this girl. still, the only reason I acted like that was because i could, he let me!. were women, we want what we cannot have!! so, dont let her have you Op and wantch her come running

tbh

she's using you, but you're enabling it.

Rosso wrote: »

Wonder if this is more mind games from her...

As usual she texted again last night, telling me about how busy she is with packing (she is going on holidays for a week today) then her text went:

Her: btw, what do u think of me not bringing my mobile with me when I am on
my hols?

Me: Its your phone, not mine, dont ask me.

Her: Ok.

5 minutes later, she text again

Her: Fine so

that's where you should have left it, everything else is you basically trying to get her to say she likes you.

Me: What you mean?

Her: Its okay, nevermind, sleep well.

Me: Happy packing (with or without your phone)

Her: Ok (my name)

Me: I sensed that I've pissed you off somehow

Her: Its ok. I'm difficult.

Me: Tell me

Her. Go to sleep. I'm crazy. x(text speak for kiss, for those who dont know)

Me: Ok. Feel free to talk about it if u want to. Good night!

Her: x is much better than 'goodnight'!

Me: Sorry for being insensitive

Her: Are you gone off me?

Me: No. You are the one who's got a decision to make remember?

Her: You're acting strange. Quiet and detached.

Me: I'm ok. Its all in your head.

Her: I dont believe you but anyway, see you tomorrow.

I somehow sensed that she's quite insecure about me not liking her anymore, but if she's not interested, why bother?

takola

OP I really feel for you. You need to just walk away from this. It doesn't take someone 2 months to know if they want to go out with someone. She's enjoying the attention that you're giving her. You mentioned that she was cheated on in her last relationship. It sounds to me like she's using you to build up her confidence again but is really not interested. She's throwing out mixed signals so as to keep you interested and giving her attention!

You said she's going on holidays. Well there you go, Tell her to leave her phone behind her and that way you'll have no contact with her while she's away! You'll have time to sort your own head out!

I read your text messages. Edited in what I honestly thought of them when I read them.

Rosso wrote: »

Wonder if this is more mind games from her...

As usual she texted again last night, telling me about how busy she is with packing (she is going on holidays for a week today) then her text went:

Her: btw, what do u think of me not bringing my mobile with me when I am on
my hols? - Tell me you'll miss me too much if I go away without my phone and beg me to take it with me

Me: Its your phone, not mine, dont ask me.

Her: Ok.

5 minutes later, she text again

Her: Fine so - Why aren't you begging me to take my phone?

Me: What you mean?

Her: Its okay, nevermind, sleep well. - Well fine then, If you want to be like that I'm going to Sulk!

Me: Happy packing (with or without your phone)

Her: Ok (my name)

Me: I sensed that I've pissed you off somehow

Her: Its ok. I'm difficult. - You're right, You have. You're not being as affection as I want you to be

Me: Tell me

Her. Go to sleep. I'm crazy. x(text speak for kiss, for those who dont know)

Me: Ok. Feel free to talk about it if u want to. Good night!

Her: x is much better than 'goodnight'! - I'm still sulking

Me: Sorry for being insensitive - What were you thinking here? How were you being insensitive?

Her: Are you gone off me?

Me: No. You are the one who's got a decision to make remember?

Her: You're acting strange. Quiet and detached. - I'm getting worried now. I may need to up my affection level a couple of notches just in case you're going off me.

Me: I'm ok. Its all in your head.

Her: I dont believe you but anyway, see you tomorrow.

I somehow sensed that she's quite insecure about me not liking her anymore, but if she's not interested, why bother?

I agree, She does seem insecure in you liking her. But it's not because she likes you, it's because she wants the attention and she doesn't like the idea of losing that attention.

For your own sake walk away from this now. Don't have her playing with your head.

Rosso

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

Play her at her own game a bit. Dont reply to her texts sfor a while, dont answer the phone, let her chase you. Please dump this girl its the kick in the @rse she very much needs!
from your posts you come across as a nice sensitive guy - dont you deserve and want a better girl for yourself? someone who is dying to go out with you?

p.s. I was never as awful as this girl but a few years back I knew a guy was mad about me. I loved the attention but did not want to go out with him. we were friends and this went on for months, we would hang out but I never gave him any commitment. he was used to getting any girl he wanted and was shocked that someone knocked him back. eventually he got sick of it and stopped chasing me. and then, only then did I realise how much I missed him and how much I had grown to like him and how we were so close. We are now going out years. I acted like a bitch back then but was never ever as awful as this girl. still, the only reason I acted like that was because i could, he let me!. were women, we want what we cannot have!! so, dont let her have you Op and wantch her come running

Thats what I'm trying to do for the past 4 days! I knew she wanted me to say 'please bring your phone', but I didn't. I was being cold, and distant, on purpose. And since then her flirting has increased in intensity

She came in for work in the morning today (half day for her before leaving for Holidays in the evening). Was all smiles, and for the first time , played a bit of footsie with me underneath the table in the cafeteria. I actually didn't notice and thought it was another person kicking me on the shins! Was about to ask him to stop kicking me..lol!

Anyway, when she left, she texted asking me if 'we're okay'. I said yes. Then she said if I was mad at her, I said no, its all in her head. Then she texted ' Not that your interested...but I'm bringing my phone'. I replied in a non chalant manner, ' OK, I would go crazy if I dont have my phone with me for a week anyway '. She then replied ' Me too, but I just wanted you to say that you'll miss my text when I am away, and she enjoyed our little 'footsie'.( it was only then I realise that it was her..lol)

So she openly admits about wanting my attention, wanting me to say that I'll miss her. Surely she can't be that conceited?

But anyway I'll know if she's really interested or not in a weeks time. She says she'll be texting me on her holidays. I'll continue play it cool, just as I was for the past few days...., be distant. Dont be affectionate. Just give ordinary responses, as you'd give a friend. Let her do a bit of chasing. If(when?) she says 'no', at least it'll soften the blow...I've already mentally started to move on anyway...

takola

OP you notice how she says she wanted you to tell her that you'd miss her texting when she was away? Why is it not "I really enjoy texting you and I'd miss our texting while I was away"?

She's upped her flirtation with you because you're no longer reacting to her. She needs to flirt with you more now because you're not playing into her hands anymore.

Just leave it. Cut all contact now bar what you need to have in work. If she starts playing footsie when she gets back politely ask her to stop. Move on. She's not worth it.

faceman

OP that girl is an attention seeker. She is draining you of your positive energy and using it to feed her insecurities and/or ego.

Some people have said it very well already.

If i was you i would be the one dumping her, you have your health to think of. It seems that this is having quite a strain on your personal life and well being.

Ironically if you take the bull by the horns and tell her enough is enough, she will probably ask you back down the road.

I know its easier said than done, but whatever you choose, best of luck with it.

If only i had this knowledge when i was younger.

MIN2511

Rosso wrote: »

I've already mentally started to move on anyway...

good idea....
Too much trouble

DiscoHugh

I'm sorry but if you had started to mentally move on you wouldn't continue to indulge her juvenile b.s.

I honestly find it hard to believe that you're both adults because I'm remember having identical textual conversations with girls when I was about 16

In my opinion she wants you to want her. That is NOT the same as her wanting you.Yet you continue to indulge her. You are not playing it cool, you're still replying to texts that really merit no response.

She can string you on for as long as you let her while always having the get out clause of "well I told you before that I didn't think it would work"

I would say to delete her number and not indulge her childish games while she's away but it will fall on deaf ears as you are clearly blinded by infatuation. As an objective observer I can see as clear as day what's going on here.

MagicMarker

DiscoHugh wrote: »

I'm sorry but if you had started to mentally move on you wouldn't continue to indulge her juvenile b.s.

I honestly find it hard to believe that you're both adults because I'm remember having identical textual conversations with girls when I was about 16

In my opinion she wants you to want her. That is NOT the same as her wanting you.Yet you continue to indulge her. You are not playing it cool, you're still replying to texts that really merit no response.

She can string you on for as long as you let her while always having the get out clause of "well I told you before that I didn't think it would work"

I would say to delete her number and not indulge her childish games while she's away but it will fall on deaf ears as you are clearly blinded by infatuation. As an objective observer I can see as clear as day what's going on here.

+1

seraphimvc

lol OP,just a yes or no,make her say that loud.sorry but i couldnt take that do people( i mean adults) still text like that?

Well,tbh,just be the one who you really are.If you are into this game,play it bravely and enjoy it then.Or else,you know how to stop this nonsense.

Wibbs

DiscoHugh wrote: »

In my opinion she wants you to want her. That is NOT the same as her wanting you.Yet you continue to indulge her. You are not playing it cool, you're still replying to texts that really merit no response.

Nail on the head. Pure attention junkie. Trust me even if you did end up with her, your life would be one drama after another.

Rosso

The end is near......

She kept texting me last time..making small talk, while on her holidays. I gave short replies, obviously frustrating her...the she said

Her: You dont send me nice texts anymore...

Me: Do you like them? Miss them?

Her: Yes I do. Why stopped?

Me: I'm confused. I dont what is it that you like. Is it me? Or the attention/affection from me.

Her: I'm very insulted. I thought you would kinda know me better. U must not.

Me: I'm not trying to insult you. You cant even decide if you wan tto go out with me yet and its almost 8 weeks since I asked you out! I like you and could shower you with all the attention and affection but for all I know you could turn around and say ' No, its not going to work out ' next week. (When she makes up her mind). I hope you understand where I am coming from.

After 5 mins

Her: I understand. I like you a lot. I am not leading you on. I dont thnk its appropriate at work and now just need to think about the logics (whatever that means!). I apologize. Wont be bugging you with text. I will talk to you next week. I do miss you. I hope work goes okay. Dont work too hard

Me: Thanks for understanding. I just think you have a decision to make thats all because I feel like I am in the dark.

Her: Fair enough, talk to you next week.

Thats it...no text since...for today anyway...

faceman

Rosso, with all due respect, you need to knock this on the head. There is nothing to be gained by further wrecking your head and analysing deeper. walk away from it. If you work with the girl, keep it professional and tell her you are no longer interested and you would rather keep your relationship with her to that in the office.

I know its soudns mean, but i would be concerned that the more you keep this up, the worse off you could be. i.e. you'll be the bad guy

tbh

look Rosso, in my opinion, you've got to stop the lines of communication going. I understand why you are doing it - you think if you can say the right thing, she'll go out with you. What you have to understand is that no-one buys a cow when they can get the milk for free. Force her hand - send her a text that says "look, if we are friends, lets just be friends. If it's more than that, lets have more than that, but nothing in the middle." Then, just stop replying. Of course, you'll miss the texts where she expresses the fact that she likes you, but you won't have to put up with the mind games anymore - forgo the highs, forgo the lows, right? I've been in your position, and I know how hard it is to ignore that little voice in your head that tells you that the next text she sends will be the one you want, but that little voice isn't your friend. I've never had to spend 8 weeks thinking about whether I wanted to be with someone or not, and I'd bet my house neither have you. If i want to be with someone, I'll do it, and nothing - certainly not work - would get in my way. There are ways around everything In my experience, and not just in my case, this will all end when she meets someone else she can get her attention fix from. Get out now is my advice.

Wibbs

Rosso wrote: »

The end is near......

For your sake it should be.

She kept texting me last time..making small talk, while on her holidays. I gave short replies, obviously frustrating her...the she said

Yep because she spotted you were doing it and also knows how to yank your chain.

Her: You dont send me nice texts anymore...

Me: Do you like them? Miss them?

Seeking validation on your part. You could have replied. "Oh, sorry , up to my eyes at the minute. Send me some nice ones yourself and when I've some downtime I'll see what I can rustle up :)".

Her: Yes I do. Why stopped?

Me: I'm confused. I dont what is it that you like. Is it me? Or the attention/affection from me.

Again you seeking validation from her. She has you now and knows it.

Her: I'm very insulted. I thought you would kinda know me better. U must not.

Translation. Please go back to the way you were. I was in control then. Plus you're kinda acting like a man I would be interested in, but not quite.

Me: I'm not trying to insult you. You cant even decide if you wan tto go out with me yet and its almost 8 weeks since I asked you out! I like you and could shower you with all the attention and affection but for all I know you could turn around and say ' No, its not going to work out ' next week. (When she makes up her mind). I hope you understand where I am coming from.

Again validation. Leaving everything up to her too. Basically stating clearly that you'll pander to her every whim as she's sooooo perfect. Eh no. Just no.

Her: I understand. I like you a lot.

I like the attention, until someone I want to jump comes along.

I am not leading you on.

I am leading you on.

I dont thnk its appropriate at work and now just need to think about the logics (whatever that means!).

If I fancied you, logic or work wouldnt come into it and would likely have you on the bosses desk.

I apologize.

I don't mean it.

Wont be bugging you with text.

Yes I will, but only when you've gone back to your position of inferiority. If you don't I'll bug you with texts promising much but deliverig nothing until you do.

I will talk to you next week.

Of course I will.

I do miss you.

I miss the attention.

I hope work goes okay. Dont work too hard

Thrown in for effect and politeness.

Me: Thanks for understanding. I just think you have a decision to make thats all because I feel like I am in the dark.

Again you looking entirely to her for guidance.

She's looking for you to take control. Some may think of her, but no, she's looking for a man who will take control of himself. She's right too. How can she trust or have faith in someone that will take her bullshít to this degree? I've noticed over the years that women do this a lot. Some more than others. It's a test. What many guys see as "women's madness" is mostly testing potential partners. They very rarely do this with their male friends, only boyfriends. To see if you're emotionally strong, they push your buttons to see how you react. If you react weakly she'll lose the "spark" for you. This goes for in a relationships as well as trying to start one. If you won't protect your own boundaries how can she feel certain that you'll protect hers?

All my humble of course.

colly10

Rosso wrote: »

I dont think she's stringing me along.

I can totally understand that she doesn't want to go out with someone she works with but if she was into you she'd know and already be able to tell you that she will go out with you after you finish the job. If she was really into to you then she wouldn't miss the opportunity of going out with you even if you worked there anyway.
I've fell into the trap of waiting round in a relationship when a girl didn't know what she wanted and a while after we finished up I looked back and was annoyed with myself for allowing myself be messed about.

She's not really into you, simple as, the best you can hope for is that she'll go out with you for a while for the sake of it, don't let yourself be messed about, grow a pair. Although it's usually easier said than done, being a lad thats easily strung along is not a trait most women would be into.

DiscoHugh

Way to ignore pretty much all the advice you've gotten here thus far :rolleyes:

Are you actually still posting all these crappy conversations in the hope that somebody will spot something in them and see it as a sign of hope?

Gyalist

I've been following this thread with some degree of interest and you have been given some great advice, particularly in the last post by Wibbs, but yet you seem determined to ignore it. You have got to put an end to your spineless behaviour. She no longer fancies you. She's tested you and you have come up short. Of course she still wants to string you along because it's good for her ego.

A real man chooses who he gets into a relationship with - he doesn't wait to be chosen by a woman. By choosing to wait for two months until she's made up her mind you have handed over your balls to her. You're on to a loser so just cut your losses and ignore her attempts to string you along. Sheesh, I can't believe a grown man is putting up with this crap.

Contrary to what you may believe it's nothing to do with your ethnicity but more to do with the way you have learned to interact with women.

jackal

Wibbs: "Please go back to the way you were. I was in control then. "

Spot on! This chick is gonna be high maintainance and a complete drama queen even if you do end up with her. If you are going to persue this, then I suggest you adopt a "treat her mean and keep her keen" policy, otherwise you will be spending most of your time wrapped round her little finger apologising for percieved slights that are entirely of her own imaginations making.

TommyT

Rosso wrote: »

The end is near......

Me: I'm not trying to insult you. You cant even decide if you wan tto go out with me yet and its almost 8 weeks since I asked you out! I like you and could shower you with all the attention and affection but for all I know you could turn around and say ' No, its not going to work out ' next week. (When she makes up her mind). I hope you understand where I am coming from.

OP take the advice that everyone here is dishing out. Asking somone out is a YES or NO answer. No one needs 8 weeks to decide. She is stringing you along and you are all to happy to play her little game.
Its men like you that get us men a bad name, grow a set of balls FFS.

bronte

Hi op, Honestly if a guy told me he needed that amount of time to decide to be with me, I'd walk.
Please don't allow this girl to use you for her entertainment.
You are not her puppet.
Trust me, she sounds like the worst type of girl out there, and even if you did get together, you'd have a lot of work ahead of you.
It shouldn't be like that, it should just be easy and chilled out , y'know?
Tell her you are not interested any more, for your sake.
Maybe it'll teach her to cop on.

chalad07

Ah yeah, most of what's been said on here is spot on. You seem like a decent skin so you can do better than this bird,

And if you do end up with her, you're going to need to do it on your own terms. And if you are going to end up with her, you def have to follow the advice on here - so no more unnecessary texts!

Mikel

Wibbs wrote: »

It's a test

+1,000,000
Why wouldn't she want you?
You're a doormat, spineless, no balls.
Will put up with any amount of crap.
Grow a pair, tell her you're not interested.
She sounds like an adolescent girl, not a woman tbh.

chris_oc

speaktofrank wrote: »

Make the decision for her, tell her you have changed your mind. Seeing as you think she will say no anyway why not? That way it might even lead to her coming to you begging you to change your mind. Mind games, got to love them

+1

this is, in sense a sort of win win situation for you whichever way it turns out.

if she comes running back to you then all is well...

and if not, at least you wont have to go through that awkward conversation thats planned in 10 days(which is kind of ridiculous btw)...

and ya, mind games, you really gotta love'em

Sinfonia

MIN2511 wrote: »

Dude, my 2c meet her for coffee et all and then tell her you don't want to date someone who can't make up their mind e.t.c.

Way back on page 1 I was in agreement with this.
You flip everything this way, either she says "Ok, we won't go out so", which would've happened anyway, or she decides that she wants you, and you gain the control, have things on your terms, gain the "upper hand" (see Seinfeld episode "The Pez Dispenser")

However, having read through the rest of the thread, she really seems like an attention seeking psycho biatch, and probably isn't actually worth your time.
Wibbs' long post (including translations - nice btw:D) on page 3 is perfect.
OP, you should print it and stick it on your desk. In fact, we probably all should.