He went without me!

millyj

i need to vent...desperately.had a bit of a bust up last night with bf.together just over 2 months and still at the getting to know each other stage.anyway we have spent a lot of time together, say 2 nights in the week and a friday and a sunday.all good.

one of his so called friends text me the other night saying how much he is into me and not to tell my bf. i got so annoyed over this as i cannot stand disloyalty and the total disrespect this guy has for my new relationship.told bf about it as its not the first time this has happened and bf went bananas which is understandable.

we were due to go away with a group of friends this mornign for the night and during the week we had said thqat bf would stay in mine and we would leave from there.when i got to his last night he had his bag packed and i presumed he was staying in his and plans had changed so i hung around waiting for him to ask me to stay and he didnt.to cut a long story short it was total miscommunication , he wanted to come to mine and i wanted to stay with him i didnt care if it was his place or mine but neither of us said anything and it blew up into a huge row when i was leaving as i made a snide remark about how i was annoyed that he hadnt come to mine. drove home and called him.he was so so so angry and hung up on me. i hate that kind of disrespect so called him back. we were on the phone for over 90 minutes and i was trying my best to salvage what was left of the night.

he told me he wanted to have a nice evening with me so i asked him to come over, he refused. i stayed calm and tried to reason with him and he just got angrier with me.he told me that hes really into me and basically i got the blame for the whole row even though we were both at fault for not saying what we really wanted to do.

we decided then that he would pick me up this morning but he was still angry and went without me and now wont answer his phone to me.

do you reckon its over? what should i do?

Loopy

millyj wrote: »

i need to vent...desperately.had a bit of a bust up last night with bf.together just over 2 months and still at the getting to know each other stage.anyway we have spent a lot of time together, say 2 nights in the week and a friday and a sunday.all good.

one of his so called friends text me the other night saying how much he is into me and not to tell my bf. i got so annoyed over this as i cannot stand disloyalty and the total disrespect this guy has for my new relationship.told bf about it as its not the first time this has happened and bf went bananas which is understandable.

we were due to go away with a group of friends this mornign for the night and during the week we had said thqat bf would stay in mine and we would leave from there.when i got to his last night he had his bag packed and i presumed he was staying in his and plans had changed so i hung around waiting for him to ask me to stay and he didnt.to cut a long story short it was total miscommunication , he wanted to come to mine and i wanted to stay with him i didnt care if it was his place or mine but neither of us said anything and it blew up into a huge row when i was leaving as i made a snide remark about how i was annoyed that he hadnt come to mine. drove home and called him.he was so so so angry and hung up on me. i hate that kind of disrespect so called him back. we were on the phone for over 90 minutes and i was trying my best to salvage what was left of the night.

he told me he wanted to have a nice evening with me so i asked him to come over, he refused. i stayed calm and tried to reason with him and he just got angrier with me.he told me that hes really into me and basically i got the blame for the whole row even though we were both at fault for not saying what we really wanted to do.

we decided then that he would pick me up this morning but he was still angry and went without me and now wont answer his phone to me.

do you reckon its over? what should i do?

I don't think its over, as highlighted above he seems to be really into you. In a nutshell I reckon he's jealous of the situation with his mate. It was very childish of him to go without you and not say anything to you.

If it was me I would leave him be for a few days and let him cool off and wait until he contacts you.

millyj

do you think he will call me? i feel sick, i hate leaving arguments fester like this......

Loopy

I dont know sweetheart

Keep busy and wait and see. He seems quite insecure and is obviously hurt about this issue with his friend. I think in a situation like this its best to keep your distance, but that's just how I would deal with it.

He knows how you feel about him I pressume?

millyj

yes he definitely knows how i feel but i was trying to do things differently this time around and wait for him to ask me to meet up etc.......i didnt want to come on too heavy but he definitely knows how i feel about him

Loopy

Ok, well you need to call one of your mates and get out there tonight and have a good time. Don't be alone.

Your head is wrecked at the moment by the sounds of it and sitting pondering over everything will make it worse for you. Leave him be, he sounds like he needs a bit of space at the moment. He was a shit for just going like that so leave him at it I say..

millyj

thanks so much for your help . i cant go out tonigth as then my friends will knwo i didnt go and that we had a row.

AARRRGH

millyj wrote: »

together just over 2 months and still at the getting to know each other stage

You'll be at that stage for a few more years!

millyj wrote: »

we decided then that he would pick me up this morning but he was still angry and went without me and now wont answer his phone to me.

do you reckon its over? what should i do?

What he did was rude, but I reckon he just needed a breather. I'm one of those people who when they're angry like to be away from the person for a bit. He sounds like he might be that way too.

I reckon that's all it is. It's up to you if this is acceptable or not.

Chinafoot

millyj wrote: »

so i hung around waiting for him to ask me to stay and he didnt.

Learn from this. As much as you might like him to be, your boyfriend is not and never will be a mind reader. If you want something in the relationship you need to open your mouth and say it.

millyj wrote: »

it blew up into a huge row when i was leaving as i made a snide remark about how i was annoyed that he hadnt come to mine. drove home and called him.he was so so so angry and hung up on me. i hate that kind of disrespect so called him back. we were on the phone for over 90 minutes and i was trying my best to salvage what was left of the night.

Ok now I don't mean to be harsh but you hate the disrespect he showed you but in reality you were the one who started being disrespectful. Making a snide comment is something a child would do. In your attempts to salvage what was left of the night did you at least apologise to him for your behaviour?

millyj wrote: »

basically i got the blame for the whole row even though we were both at fault for not saying what we really wanted to do.

Sorry but you were the one making snide comments. Considering what is going on with his friend I'd imagine that you throwing an unnecessary strop is something he really didn't need before heading off for a weekend.

millyj wrote: »

we decided then that he would pick me up this morning but he was still angry and went without me and now wont answer his phone to me.

He's in the wrong here. If he agreed to pick you up then he should have picked you up. Don't keep calling him. You've tried to call him so leave it alone now until he gets back and then have a talk and decide what you both want to do. This time try actually telling him instead of expecting him to just know.

If you're going to have an adult relationship you both need to start acting like adults.

millyj

i dont think its acceptable and i think thats why i am so upset. but then again we are obviously very different in our attitudes. i just feel like i am being punished

AARRRGH

millyj wrote: »

i dont think its acceptable and i think thats why i am so upset. but then again we are obviously very different in our attitudes. i just feel like i am being punished

He's not punishing you. He just needs some space.

When I'm pissed off and want to be alone, the other person normally feels I'm punishing them, but honestly I just want a bit of alone time and to clear my head.

millyj

of course i apologised chinafoot, im not afriad to admit when im in the wrong

Chinafoot

millyj wrote: »

of course i apologised chinafoot, im not afriad to admit when im in the wrong

Well then there's not a lot you can do until he gets back. He obviously doesn't want to talk to you at the moment so you should leave it alone. Don't make any decisions until you speak to him.

millyj wrote:

i cant go out tonigth as then my friends will knwo i didnt go and that we had a row.

That is ridiculous. Every couple has arguments, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Go and ring your friends for goodness sake instead of sitting in and stressing over it.

millyj

thanks dublin dude.....im just not handling this at all. i kind of panic at the thoughts that i may not hear from him again

AARRRGH

millyj wrote: »

thanks dublin dude.....im just not handling this at all. i kind of panic at the thoughts that i may not hear from him again

Nah, it'll be fine.

Just remember to be nice to him when he gets back! You can discuss the details of who was in the wrong when you're both happy and cuddly again.

millyj

i wrote him a letter, its a nice letter, nothing accusatory in it or anything. i just wanted to get my feelings across. is this a good idea?

Abi

Milly, why was he so specific about staying at yours? Why was he so angry about it? There something that doesnt mesh here.


I say put a bit of space between you. If it were me, I wouldnt call or text. He has a bee in his bonnet about something. Let him come back with a clear head and then straighten things out. I'd still wait for him to speak up first though. If there was nothing more to it other than 'I just want to stay at yours', well then that is a bit bully like. There are nicer ways of putting it to you, and you said yourself that you werent that fussed.

Seems a bit messy, but nothing a little bit of space wont fix imo. Try not to worry about it too much Milly. All couples have tiffs, and it wont do any good you sitting there mulling it over in your head. It is what it is, and keep yourself busy in the mean time as I think Loopy said.

AARRRGH

millyj wrote: »

i wrote him a letter, its a nice letter, nothing accusatory in it or anything. i just wanted to get my feelings across. is this a good idea?

Personally I think that's a bit OTT. You just had a silly little argument...

millyj

ok so letter is a bad idea, i will scrap that.

abigayle, he was talking about staying at mine because he said that i never invite him to stay or do things which is true, i wanted him to make the first moves as i didnt want to come across as being pushy but i then didnt realise that maybe he wanted me to make the first moves sometimes too.

millyj

thats also what i think about all couples have tiffs.....anyone who says they dont is lyiing i think. but he said last night that the fact we have had argument / misunderstanding no.2 9 weeks into the relationship is really bad.

LegacyUser

hi... dont worry you will get through it-i would imagine he feels really bad for leaving you like he did and he doesnt know how to fix it yet...

you did the right thing telling your boyfriend about his mate and i think he is punishing you because he doesnt know how to express himself about what has happened and you are the closest to him at the mo so you got it!

i would try call him or text him and say everything is ok and you can talk about it when he gets back,that your not angry but upset now and are worried about him too....

you just need to get together and work through it.... dont worry it will be alright...

hopefully he feels the same way and the impression you gave was that he really liked you and that was why he was so upset... its the relationship with his mate that is hard for him because he knows everyone will be expecting him to do something about it,and thats stressing him out....

AARRRGH

millyj wrote: »

thats also what i think about all couples have tiffs.....anyone who says they dont is lyiing i think. but he said last night that the fact we have had argument / misunderstanding no.2 9 weeks into the relationship is really bad.

I think having little fights is ok, as long as how you handle them is mature and reasonable.

Did you make the snide remark and then storm out of his place? If so, that kind of behaviour is totally unnecessary...

Hopefully he realises the argument has totally blown out of proportion and you can use it as a way to keep things cooler in the future.

Abi

millyj wrote: »

thats also what i think about all couples have tiffs.....anyone who says they dont is lyiing i think. but he said last night that the fact we have had argument / misunderstanding no.2 9 weeks into the relationship is really bad.

Didnt realise you were going out 9wks Milly. Imo thats an important stage, how you get on and communicate with each other is very important to how you get on in the future, if there is one.

I know you arent going to send the letter now, but I wouldnt have advised it either. You seem very keen to patch things up, its understandable. But you will have to relax a bit, otherwise you will just come across as desperate. Im sure you've a lovely personality, and loads to offer this guy - but dont throw it at him. When left to our own devices things can become a little clearer.

I think you've done your talking, and apologising. That is all you can do (as a sane person). The ball is entirely in his court now, and you cannot make his mind up for him. Im not saying he will, but he could have gone off in a temper but may come back dying to see you again.

Keep your cool Milly, I know you're anxious - but as I said, tiffs happen.

scoot on

OP if I was you I'd text him. As another poster said just send him a txt saying you're sorry for your remark, you hope he has a good weekend and you're looking forward to hearing from him when he gets back. After that, leave it.
There's not much you can do about it if he doesn't contact you. Then it's his loss from acting like a child.
When my bf is mad at me he does something similar. He doesn't go away but he goes really really quiet. I always thought it was his way of punishing me but he's told me that sometimes he just needs some space and that's his way of sorting his head out. He snaps out of it after a small while. I hated it at the start but I've realised it's just how he deals with things. We all have out own ways of coping.

davyjose

millyj wrote: »

thanks so much for your help . i cant go out tonigth as then my friends will knwo i didnt go and that we had a row.

That's what friends are supposed to be for. Everyone can have friends when things are good - you need them for the ups and downs. Give them a call. They WILL make you feel better.

As for your boyfriend, TBH, I think he's a dick for heading off without you. Whatever happened, that's really not cool. After two months .... I dunno, do you really need that bull****. Generally this level of immaturity doesn't improve as the relationship progresses.

davyjose

millyj wrote: »

thats also what i think about all couples have tiffs.....anyone who says they dont is lyiing i think. but he said last night that the fact we have had argument / misunderstanding no.2 9 weeks into the relationship is really bad.

Well, what's his problem - he's the one who ditched you for a weekend away, without even telling you. That's worse than 2 lousy arguments IMO.

Overheal

millyj wrote: »

i wrote him a letter, its a nice letter, nothing accusatory in it or anything. i just wanted to get my feelings across. is this a good idea?

in my experience, they never ever work. they only appear needy and desperate etc.

Just let it cool off for a day or two. You both need a time out methinks.

MIN2511

Jeez girl..... STOP! Right, you blew things out of proportion and he behaved like an ass(leaving you and not returning your calls)


This relationship has drama written all over it and personally i would call it quits but it's up to you...
I think his actions-hanging up, driving off and ignoring your calls are way OTT tbh.


do let us know when he "communicates"

Todoquetengo

As others have said above you need to back off a bit or you will seem desperate and therefore scare him off or set the wrong tone to the relaltionship.

So you had a silly arguement, and you were both wrong but he still shouldn't have gone off without you or at least should have told you he wanted to go on his own.

Give him his space and let him make contact, when he does calmly tell him you're sorry about the row but treating you like that is not acceptable.

You seem scared of losing him but you need to relax, you're only 9 weeks in, you don't know if he is the love of your life yet, so just enjoy this part

millyj

well still no word from him. kinda thought might have had a drunken text or something. i dont think i will hear from him at this stage but will let you know if i do.

i am scared of losing him, we have been having a great time and things were going so well

takola

MIN2511 wrote: »

This relationship has drama written all over it and personally i would call it quits but it's up to you...
I think his actions-hanging up, driving off and ignoring your calls are way OTT tbh.

I agree with this. I remember you having another thread here a different weekend where you'd had a bust up too.

You're only 9 weeks in and this is how it is already. You're both adults. Why are the 2 of you blowing things out of proportion and acting like spoilt teenagers?

I think the two of you really need to grow up. Otherwise just walk away from it.

LadyE

Id agree..drama drama drama..

You must really like him to be considering writing him a letter about a silly argument.

Dont wait aorund for him to call you - bit the bullet, call him and ask whats going on. If he isnt adult enough to take your call, and accept your apology/realise there was the two of you in it then I dont think it will work out for you.

Monkey61

Hi Op, so sorry if your weekend has been ruined by this. It must be very upsetting for you because I imagine you had been looking forward to it.

I know a lot of people have mentioned "drama" like it's a bad thing, but it isn't neccessarily. Some of the best and most committed relationships I know started out in ridiculously dramatic circumstances, but have lasted for years - my own certainly and now we are ridiculously in love and have been together for three years. Obviously these aren't desirable circumstances, but they aren't a reason to break up either!

First of all, you need to take a nice deep breath and relax. It isn't the end of the world. Both of you sound quite sweet and nervous about the whole thing and about making it work. I can totally understand the latest fight as it sounds like something I would have done myself.

Your boyfriend is probably more pissed off than you realise about the friend fancying you - I would never have told him that - he must be wondering why on earth you told him and is no doubt wrecking his head about it now.

He sounds a bit insecure, which is why he took it as such a personal slight when you didn't immediately invite him over to your house. he obviously wound himself up about it so much that he decided to punish you the next day and now has decided that he can't text you first in case it makes him look weak - stupid I know, but very possibly what he is thinking!

I think the letter would have been a lovely idea. There is no harm in romance. You don't have to conduct your relationship according to anyone elses guidelines. If this man really really likes you, then nothing is going to change that bar some absolutely awful behaviour.

If you actually like someone - and this applies to both you and him (providing neither of you are the kind of people who easily date endless sequences of people without actually caring about any of them), then a silly fight is not going to change that, neither is an innapropriate text, hanging up the phone etc. So don't worry.

When he comes home, do something romantic together, assure him that you really like him and really want to see where this goes, which will at least reassure him somewhat and I'm sure he will reassure you as well.

davyjose

millyj wrote: »

well still no word from him. kinda thought might have had a drunken text or something. i dont think i will hear from him at this stage but will let you know if i do.

i am scared of losing him, we have been having a great time and things were going so well

Your self-esteem must be on the floor if you're scared of losing a fella like this OP. Gotta be honest.....

millyj

monkey61 you have been so helpful, actually you all have been very helpful.so thank you. i tried to call him again just now and still no answer.im now getting annoyed, i think i deserve to be treated better then this. ok if he doesnt want to speak as he is away enjoying himself, fair enough. but it wouldnt kill him to write a quick text to say we will talk when he gets home ro somethign to that effect.

im wondering if he even has his phone with him? or could he really be that angry with me still and if the answer to that is yes then i dont really want to be a part of all that

takola

millyj wrote: »

monkey61 you have been so helpful, actually you all have been very helpful.so thank you. i tried to call him again just now and still no answer.im now getting annoyed, i think i deserve to be treated better then this. ok if he doesnt want to speak as he is away enjoying himself, fair enough. but it wouldnt kill him to write a quick text to say we will talk when he gets home ro somethign to that effect.

im wondering if he even has his phone with him? or could he really be that angry with me still and if the answer to that is yes then i dont really want to be a part of all that

Stop calling him. Seriously. You've both annoyed each other. You calling him now when he's not ready to talk to you will only make it worse. I understand you're getting annoyed and I would be too if I was in your shoes.

Send him a text message saying you're getting annoyed with being ignored and he can call you when he's ready to speak to you. Then wait for him to call.

If he doesn't call and you're sick of waiting, go over to his house tomorrow and speak to him in person. Better to discuss these things in person IMO

Abi

millyj wrote: »

monkey61 you have been so helpful, actually you all have been very helpful.so thank you.

Milly, Im going to honest. You are hurt now, and desperately need reassurance that this isnt the end of things. So you will take into open arms any advice that will point you in the direction of making further calls and texts. Its not easy, but are going to have to restrain yourself. For your own sanities sake, and whatever hope you have of working this out.

i tried to call him again just now and still no answer.

Im not suprised at this point, Im not trying to be annoying. But its clear he needs a bit of head space.

im now getting annoyed, i think i deserve to be treated better then this.

You are swinging out of anxiousness, sadness, to anger and back to the beginning again. The calling and texting and letter-writing is not fixing it. So do yourself a favour and stop. I mean all of this with a kind tone, I just dont think you are helping yourself here. Look =>

ok if he doesnt want to speak as he is away enjoying himself, fair enough.

Anxious and sad.

but it wouldnt kill him to write a quick text to say we will talk when he gets home ro somethign to that effect.

Angry.

im wondering if he even has his phone with him?

Anxious, sad, hopeful..

I believe he does.

or could he really be that angry with me still and if the answer to that is yes then i dont really want to be a part of all that

Tbh, I think hes enjoying it. I could be wrong, but why else would you do it?


^^^ Putting this aside, could I ask you a question?

How sure are you that he wanted you to go in the first place? The argument sounds that flimsical that he could have been looking for a fight, and did in fact, want to go by himself?

millyj

i know what you are saying about him wanting me to go. he doesnt have many close friends, well friends that are here or live near him and i knwo before we got together he didnt really do too much with his weekends etc then i came along and we do somethign different every weekend and its been brilliant.

However, his friends and family came over about a month ago and i was asked to go out with them all and then it never happened and i got ignored again and now this. so starting to look to me that i am good enough to hang out with but then when others come on the scene im not really welcome. maybe i am wrong....i dont know.

thursday mornign just gone he sent me a lovely message saying how he loves hanging out with me and that its the happiest he has been in a long time.....

I am so confused and angry and hurt and sad and all the things you have said above

kraggy

Stop ringing him.

No matter whose fault it his, stop ringing him. If he's mad with you or pissed off, it will only push him away even further. He will really resent you if you keep going on with the calling.

Leave him alone.

If you find it difficult to refrain from ringing him, find something to distract yourself. Go into town, go for a walk. Meet up with friends.

But just leave him be.

Green Hornet

Stop doing all the running.

It seems that its you who is ringing and texting him but he wont answer. Leave him stew. After a while he'll get worried when you stop trying to contact him and he'll begin to think that you've lost interest.

If he still does'nt contact you just move on. Its pretty sh1tty out of him to be carrying on like he is. To be honest, if he reacts like this after a very minor misunderstanding he could be a right handful after a big blow up and end up screwing with your mind.

Sorry if it sounds bit heartless .

Abi

millyj wrote: »

I am so confused and angry and hurt and sad and all the things you have said above

My heart goes out to you Milly, honestly does. But you have stop yourself from calling or texting. Hold onto your dignity. You dont know exactly what is really going on in his head at the moment, and posters here can only hazard a guess, at best.

But one thing I do know is, men dont like women to appear needy or desperate. If they need down-time and you try contacting them constantly it isnt going to put you in a good light. The fact of the matter is, you cannot make him reply. Now, why dont you take back the reigns on this horse.

You stop texting and calling now. Wouldnt do him any harm to not be able to contact you for a while. The way I see it is, do you really need a boyfriend that behaves this way? You have options too Milly. You are entitled to know where you stand. If he wanted space, he only had to say that to you. But it seems to me he is enjoying this.

I suggest that you grab a friend an go to the cinema to waste some time, and you leave your phone behind. Just dont have your phone to hand. Do anything you can to put this out of your head.

Dont be this readily available for any man Milly. If this guy wants to do games, play no part in it.

Admit something, he probably has got his phone with him.

millyj

ok well im going to do that.going to go see my brother who is home from london and go for a few drinks.also going to leave my phone at home.

Abi

millyj wrote: »

ok well im going to do that.going to go see my brother who is home from london and go for a few drinks.also going to leave my phone at home.

Good! I hope you do. A dont have a face on you in front of your brother all night either! :pac: Make the most of your brother being home. Just dont call or text the b/f when you get back because of the drink on ya!

Green Hornet

Abigayle wrote: »

My heart goes out to you Milly, honestly does. But you have stop yourself from calling or texting. Hold onto your dignity. You dont know exactly what is really going on in his head at the moment, and posters here can only hazard a guess, at best.

But one thing I do know is, men dont like women to appear needy or desperate. If they need down-time and you try contacting them constantly it isnt going to put you in a good light. The fact of the matter is, you cannot make him reply. Now, why dont you take back the reigns on this horse.

You stop texting and calling now. Wouldnt do him any harm to not be able to contact you for a while. The way I see it is, do you really need a boyfriend that behaves this way? You have options too Milly. You are entitled to know where you stand. If he wanted space, he only had to say that to you. But it seems to me he is enjoying this.

I suggest that you grab a friend an go to the cinema to waste some time, and you leave your phone behind. Just dont have your phone to hand. Do anything you can to put this out of your head.

Dont be this readily available for any man Milly. If this guy wants to do games, play no part in it.

Admit something, he probably has got his phone with him.

+1

MIN2511

millyj; you are chasing this fella and he's loving the attention.... Whether or not he has his phone on him, he expects you to contact him especially as it was a planned trip.

Go to the pub, leave your phone at home and have fun!

kraggy

MIN2511 wrote: »

millyj; you are chasing this fella and he's loving the attention.... Whether or not he has his phone on him, he expects you to contact him especially as it was a planned trip.

Go to the pub, leave your phone at home and have fun!

Not necessarily true. Common presumption.

In fact, I'd say he just needs some space from the OP and the fact that she's ringing is pushing him away further.

Soon, it starts to become resentment.

Nothing to do with ego.

LegacyUser

hi,just to point out for future reference that you have an issue with seeing yourself without your boyfriend,when there is a chance that you might split up....im taking my own advice here because i was here before but you have to be able to handle the emotions it throws up,rejection is a tough pill to swallow but you cant give your self respect away by putting your life in his hands....

the thoughts of him rejecting you is making you want him even more,because you are feeling like the ass has fallen out of your world...the hardest thing to do but the best thing to do is... nothing....go off and be with yourself and your own life until he calls you-dont sit around for him to call-dont act like you emotionally need him-tell yourself you are going to be responsible for your own emotions and carry on with your life and i bet he will be more attracted to you behaving like this than if he knows you are in a state of despair...

its easier said than done but never allow another person to control how you feel -take back your power-i read somewhere....there is nothing more attractive than a strong confident woman....

Justkate

Why ya even callin him?!?!
I'd give my fella walkin orders if he ignored me like that.
Zero respect.

LegacyUser

Abigayle has given some brilliant advice on this thread OP.
I tend to react a bit like you but thankfully a good friend gave me similar advice last time I had an argument with my BF.
At the moment he has the control and you have the fear. He sees you running after him the whole time and he can choose to contact you or not. The argument you had seems very absurd if he wanted to go to yours why didnt he just come over you had already agreed you were staying in yours you said so why was he waiting for another invite?

anyway, ringing him and texting him will just push him further away. be brave and take a back a bit of that control. Keep some dignity and Dont ring him or text him. let him contact you and let him worry where you are and what you are doing for once!. personally if it were me he would have got the boot for going off without me. If it turns out he doesnt contact you hun then in the long run it may be for the best. I know it will be awful for you but if he is behaving like this only 9 weeks into the relationship do you really want to put more time and effort into this?

good luck and let us know how things are going.
oh and dont write a letter!! it will scare the hell out opf him and after a 9 wk relationship it just comes across as desoperate and bunny boiling. I have a lot of make friends and one of their GF sent him a letter after a small argument and it annoyed him far more than the argument itself.

Aurora Borealis

I know where you're coming from but you simply have to let him do his thing. Pestering someone to talk has the opposite effect entirely. It's bunny boiler to keep calling and texting and writing letters. I know I did it before repeatedly but you just wind yourself up and I used to get in some state I tell you. Ultimately you have control over your emotions so if a situation like this arises again be it with him or someone else just breathe and do something you enjoy like catch up with a friend or something. Stop freaking out. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and guys often retreat before they can discuss things. I picked up a copy of” Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” in a friends house at the weekend and in it they talk about how guys sometimes need to retreat to their “cave” in order to think. Have to laugh at the terminology they use but I do think there’s something to it and guys and girls just differ in how they process things. That’s all I had time to read but it certainly hit the nail on the head I think.


I do understand though why in this situation if you had plans for the weekend you were eager to sort thing out the night before. Is this the first time you've fought like this or have you found yourself running after him like this before. If it's the first time it's pretty ****ty of him to have gone like he did without talking to you but if this is a pattern in your relationship he's probably at his wit's end with it too but just wants space.


Did you say post fight i.e when ye were talking on the phone that you were both still on for going?

millyj

ok well i finally made contact. i called him about 8.30 last night and he answered and was calm and qwe had a big chat. he said what a lot of people here said in that he needed space etc..he also told me that he loves going out with me and loves being wiht me but that some things have to change ie i have a psychotic ex bf who keeps calling me at all hours and turnign up at my house when i am not there etc.... ( we broke up beginning december} .anyway i took steps today and changed my mobile number and am going to speak to the guards abotu my ex as its getting ridiculous.....but thats another story.

anyway he text after the phone call and said'i really do care so much for you, talk to you tomorrowxxx' so that was fine and i was out anyway with my brother and all my mates and his, it was a great nigth by the way.....

anyway today he seems very distant and i asked him to come over if he gets a chance but he just replied with a very non commital text. should i just leave him to it? i want to see that he is in some way sorry for how the weekend went too!