Boyfriend fancies my friend more than me

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I just need a few objective opinions on this situation cause i feel like I'm going crazy.

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and everything's going great. We are both 27.
He is always very affectionate with me in public to the point where a few weeks ago my best friend gave out to us
in the pub for 'petting' each other all the time. We just laughed and continued on because that's just how we are.

Last weekend we were down in Galway and we ran into a really good girl friend of mine. My boyfriend (who I'll call James)
had never met her before. She lives in Dublin too but was in Galway for the weekend. I'll call her laura. So the 3 of us went
for pints together and James could not take his eyes off her. She is a gorgeous looking girl and is very smary, funny and
intelligent, everything a man dreams of really. We stayed in the pub for a few hours but I was secretly getting more upset and
angry by the minute. I have never seen him behave the way he did around her. He was laughing so hard at everything she said
and buying all the rounds. He was hanging on her every word even when she was talking to me about make-up, he kept butting in making
silly jokes. He was like a stranger to me. Also, he didn't 'pet' me once which confirmed my fears that he fancied her waaaaaaaaay more
than me.

On the drive home the next day I told him how upset he had made me and he brushed it off saying that he doesn't wanna be in a relationship
with somebody who needs constant reassurance. He said that of course he thought she was hot because she is hot and denying that would
be an obvious lie. I asked him if he fancied her and he just avoided the question and called me a drama queen. He got really defensive and
didn't even seem to care that I was upset.

I thought our reltionship could withstand a beautiful woman but obviously I was wrong. I haven't spoken to him since Sunday. He's tried to
call me twice in that time - only twice!!

Guys, am I crazy to break up with him over this? Am I being a big drama queen?

Thanks for your help and or critisism!

Pen1987

Men are attracted to beautiful women, always. Thats a fact of life.

Men fall in love with women who they emotionally bond with, a clear unconscious sign of this emotion bond is this 'petting'. He is emotionally close to you, you are on a higher emotional level that your friend so feel confident in this, he may be attracted to her, but that a momentary thing, his bond with you is a time-consuming thing.

Lust/Love... both happen... tell him its not fair for him to ignore you in such a way that he did when she was around, that if he is attracted to her that he needs to control that and give you the respect and attention your relationship and you deserve, and stop acting like a teenage boy. Its embarassing for him that he hung on her every word and couldnt even put his own reactions in perspective of his girlfriend though.

LegacyUser

Pen1987 wrote: »

Men are attracted to beautiful women, always. Thats a fact of life.

Men fall in love with women who they emotionally bond with, a clear unconscious sign of this emotion bond is this 'petting'. He is emotionally close to you, you are on a higher emotional level that your friend so feel confident in this, he may be attracted to her, but that a momentary thing, his bond with you is a time-consuming thing.

Lust/Love... both happen... tell him its not fair for him to ignore you in such a way that he did when she was around, that if he is attracted to her that he needs to control that and give you the respect and attention your relationship and you deserve, and stop acting like a teenage boy. Its embarassing for him that he hung on her every word and couldnt even put his own reactions in perspective of his girlfriend though.

Thank you, that made me feel a little better. I find loads of people attractive including some of his friends but he's my love and I wouldn't humilate him or ignore him cause his sexy friend is sitting with us. The way he acted was disgraceful. Laughing his head off really fakely and buying all her drinks.

the fact that he's only called me twice since the weekend makes me think he's gone off me now cause he's thinking or wishing for her:(

LegacyUser

Crazylady? wrote: »

Hey guys,

Guys, am I crazy to break up with him over this? Am I being a big drama queen?

yes you are, maybe he was just being nice to her as she was one of your friends? how would you feel if he didnt open his mouth all night or was openly rude?

is laughing at a girls joke really such a crime i think from what you have said that maybe you are over reacting a bit.

Also perhaps sub-conciously you are jealous of this other girl and feel threathen by her perceived good looks?

Having said that you can really relax from my experience with my own gf girls have terrible taste in women anyway so maybe she is not as hot as you seem to think?

AARRRGH

He probably does fancy her, but does that mean he's going to break up with you and run off with her? No, it doesn't.

Worrying about this issue is totally pointless. You can't make all the beautiful, smart and funny people disappear.

You're totally overreacting and creating unnecessary drama for your boyfriend. Return your boyfriends phone calls or start answering them.

If you continue with this kind of behaviour you will lose your boyfriend. Yes, you and your erratic behaviour will lose him. It will have had nothing to do with your friend.

ntlbell

I think most people would be delighted that he made an effort with your friend and made her feel comfortable and was enjoying her company.

What do you want him to do around a smart funny beautiful woman?

throw his eyes to heaven when she cracks a joke and ignore her and sit and watch the football and let you talk hand bags?

It does seem you have some confidence/self esteem/self worth issues and this is very un attractive to a guy.

I think you should have a chat with him explain to him you may have over reacted etc and hope you haven't done so much damage that he's all ready looking elsewhere.

chump

Crazylady? wrote: »

I thought our reltionship could withstand a beautiful woman but obviously I was wrong. I haven't spoken to him since Sunday. He's tried to
call me twice in that time - only twice!!

sounds like something I'd do! :pac::D

Boyos fancy hot girls.
Chaps (like me) would not 'pet' their girlfriend when out with just her + 1 friend, as that is a bit rude and may make the other person uncomfortable.
Gentlemen will try to be cheery and friendly to a new friend - it may even verge on the flirtatious.

Moral of story is, your friend is better looking than you. Your boyfriend enjoyed the eye candy and the craic you (mutual) had with her.

There is a line though, and it may well be your bf crossed it.

neuro-praxis

I understand why you're hurt, but if you plan to stay with someone long-term you've got to be ok with them fancying other people - it's inevitable. I am sure you find other men attractive yourself.

"Petting" in public is a sign of an immature couple in my opinion; that's what teenagers do, not adults. There's lots of time for physical affection when not in the company of your friends.

I suspect that couples who are into "petting" in public are so because it is a loud sign to everyone around that they aren't single and that someone finds them attractive. I think you raised the petting issue to demonstrate to us, the readers, that you are in fact attractive to your boyfriend.

I suggest that you return your boyfriend's calls and apologise for ignoring him. If I were you, I would also explain that it is somewhat humiliating if your partner is visibly all over somebody else (assuming that he was) and that if he has the hots for this girl, you can live with that but don't need your nose rubbed in it.

I also suggest that you go easier on yourself and try and appreciate all your (undoubtedly many) positive qualities. If you like yourself you won't worry about your partner also finding others attractive.

Zulu

Where to start...
Firstly:

Crazylady? wrote: »

We are both 27. He is always very affectionate with me in public to the point where a few weeks ago my best friend gave out to us in the pub for 'petting' each other all the time.

At 27 don't you think you're a bit old for carrying on like teenagers?

That said, how he acted sounds a little poor, but to expect to be "petted"...

Also, he didn't 'pet' me once which confirmed my fears that he fancied her waaaaaaaaay more than me.

Besides it didn't confirm anything other that perhaps he's copped on to how he's acting in public. Look at it this way: a friend of his girlfriend gave out to him for being over affectionate in public. Perhaps he considered that, and didn't want to make your friend uncomfortable?
At 27, if I was cautioned about carry on like that I'd be mortified.

I haven't spoken to him since Sunday. He's tried to call me twice in that time - only twice!!

Were you ignoring his calls? Why didn't you ring him? How does the amount of calls equate to his feelings? TBH are you sure you aren't 17?

Guys, am I crazy to break up with him over this?

No, mature adult relationships are for mature adults

Am I being a big drama queen?

Yes.

Sorry if I'm being overly harsh, but your post....

Chinafoot

Yep, you sound very insecure OP and you're definitely heading for drama-queen territory. Had he ignored your friend you'd probably be here complaining about what a shít he was to her! You're 27, time to start being an adult. Both yourself and himself will find other people attractive, it's human nature. What really matters is what you do about that attraction. Most people ignore it and continue on very happily in their relationships. If you don't calm down and realise how ridiculous you're being, you won't have to worry about any relationship.

neuro-praxis wrote: »

"Petting" in public is a sign of an immature couple in my opinion; that's what teenagers do, not adults. There's lots of time for physical affection when not in the company of your friends.

I suspect that couples who are into "petting" in public are so because it is a loud sign to everyone around that they aren't single and that someone finds them attractive. I think you raised the petting issue to demonstrate to us, the readers, that you are in fact attractive to your boyfriend.

Have to agree with neuro here. If it got to the point where you're friend actually commented on the level of "petting" you were doing in her company then you must be quite over the top. It's incredibly rude imo to be all over your other half while in the company of other people.

Crazylady? wrote:

We just laughed and continued on because that's just how we are.

That's such an inconsiderate attitude to have. For someone who is obviously so sensitive you're being fairly ignorant to the feelings of your friends.

Call your boyfriend and apologise for being so silly.

LegacyUser

neuro-praxis wrote: »

I understand why you're hurt, but if you plan to stay with someone long-term you've got to be ok with them fancying other people - it's inevitable. I am sure you find other men attractive yourself.

"Petting" in public is a sign of an immature couple in my opinion; that's what teenagers do, not adults. There's lots of time for physical affection when not in the company of your friends.

I suspect that couples who are into "petting" in public are so because it is a loud sign to everyone around that they aren't single and that someone finds them attractive. I think you raised the petting issue to demonstrate to us, the readers, that you are in fact attractive to your boyfriend.

I suggest that you return your boyfriend's calls and apologise for ignoring him. If I were you, I would also explain that it is somewhat humiliating if your partner is visibly all over somebody else (assuming that he was) and that if he has the hots for this girl, you can live with that but don't need your nose rubbed in it.

I also suggest that you go easier on yourself and try and appreciate all your (undoubtedly many) positive qualities. If you like yourself you won't worry about your partner also finding others attractive.

The reason I mentioned the petting was actually to highlight the fact that he didn't touch me or even look at me when she was there nevermind pet me!!

I am happy with myself but can you honestly say if your girlfriend drooled all over one of your very good looking friends and acted out of sorts with you, you wouldn't be freaked out? Come on, of course you would!

Overheal

He's tried to call me twice in that time - only twice!!

are you joking?

I'd give up after 2 calls too if a girl had an outlook like that one.

Are you crazy to break up with him over this? Yes.
Are you over-reacting? Yeah.

When you're being threatened by "competition", don't throw your other half away like that. It doesnt make any sense to!

neuro-praxis

Crazylady? wrote: »

The reason I mentioned the petting was actually to highlight the fact that he didn't touch me or even look at me when she was there nevermind pet me!!

I am happy with myself but can you honestly say if your girlfriend drooled all over one of your very good looking friends and acted out of sorts with you, you wouldn't be freaked out? Come on, of course you would!

K, I'm a married, been with my partner since we met 10 years ago. In that time both of us have been asked out by other people etc. many times, especially during college, and both of us have been attracted to lots of other people. When we first met, I was jealous when he liked other girls, but then, I was only 15...:)

As I got older I learned to accept that him liking someone else doesn't mean he doesn't like me. He has chosen me, after all. Same as how your boyfriend has chosen you.

If my husband went apesh|t over some strange girl I would calmly suggest that he keep his attraction to her to himself, if only for the sake of my feelings. I would be irritated, but I wouldn't refuse to speak to him, and I wouldn't leave him.

Perhaps this can be a learning curve for both of you. He learns not to act like a twat when he finds some other girl attractive, and you learn not to hit the roof!

Kold

I must be an idiot... or just foul mouthed but wtf is petting? Is it rubbing eachothers legs or behaviour that really doesn't belong in public?


The 2 calls thing is funny. You figure that when he reaches that magical double digit territory he all of a sudden loves you enough? Get over yourself.

neuro-praxis

In this context, it means a lot of affectionate stroking and kissing.

You're getting it confused with heavy petting, which is of a more necessarily private nature.

ntlbell

Crazylady? wrote: »

I am happy with myself but can you honestly say if your girlfriend drooled all over one of your very good looking friends and acted out of sorts with you, you wouldn't be freaked out? Come on, of course you would!

I didn't see any part in your post (maybe i didn't read it closely enough) where was drooling and what is acting out of sorts? not petting you like he's after bringing his insecure dog to the pub with him?

How can you honestly say your secure in yourself when you want to finish it with your boyfriend because he shared some laugh's with your friend and bought some drinks?

you're asking for peoples objective opinion about the situation, then you tell them how they should feel, why bother asking?

LegacyUser

Kold wrote: »

I must be an idiot... or just foul mouthed but wtf is petting? Is it rubbing eachothers legs or behaviour that really doesn't belong in public?


The 2 calls thing is funny. You figure that when he reaches that magical double digit territory he all of a sudden loves you enough? Get over yourself.

Get over myself? Your username is quite apt, you are cold.

He was horrible to me and it was embarrasing. Why should I answer his calls? I asked him outright if he fancied her and he just brushed me off and called me names like drama queen and told me to stop iritating him. that is harsh.

ntlbell

Crazylady? wrote: »

Get over myself? Your username is quite apt, you are cold.

He was horrible to me and it was embarrasing. Why should I answer his calls? I asked him outright if he fancied her and he just brushed me off and called me names like drama queen and told me to stop iritating him. that is harsh.

Now you're abusing people who are giving you what you asked for an objective opinion.

The reason he didn't answer the question is one it doesn't dignify an answer and secondly you're a drama queen and if he said yes he did look what would of happened?

You're not hearing here what you want to hear so you're getting angry but dont take it out on the people who are trying to advise you.

millyj

I think most people are being a bit harsh here. I do think you should have answered his calls, obviously he wanted to speak to you and I think you were just punishing him by not answering his calls which is quite rude.

I also think he was out of order in his actions towards you but maybe you made it worse in your own mind by sitting there dwelling on it when maybe he was just being friendly. At teh end of the day, most guys dont think rationally in situations liek this but I do think he could have handled it better when you brought it up with him the next day. He should have WANTED to reassure you.

r3nu4l

OP, I understand the hurt feelings over his insensitivity and you do have a right to be annoyed, just not to the extent that you are.

However, the fact that he has called you twice and you haven't bothered your arse to call him back is a sign that you are playing games. In other words, a sign of immaturity, you'd rather 'punish' him and make him keep calling than have a mature conversation with him. :rolleyes:

Should you break up with him over this? In my opinion no. I'm sure he's learned that to avoid any hassle from you in the future he'll simply hide his attraction to other women in future. It did show a lack of respect but maybe he was calling to say 'oops, my bad, sorry 'bout that. Won't happen again'. Now I wouldn't be surprised if he's pissed off because you haven't called him back.

Stop playing games and sort out your problems.

/stops being a harsh bastid.

Good luck, sort this out and move past it If it's the worst thing that ever happens in your relationship be happy!

AARRRGH

OP: Is this your first boyfriend?

Beruthiel

Crazylady? wrote: »

He was horrible to me and it was embarrasing. Why should I answer his calls? I asked him outright if he fancied her and he just brushed me off and called me names like drama queen and told me to stop iritating him. that is harsh.

Well, from your comments in this thread so far, I'd have to say he's right. You are acting like a drama queen, not answering his calls, ignoring him for a week, throwing a sulk and expecting him to grovel.
Now, he did act like a tit, so instead of just telling him that and getting over it, you've blown it all out of proportion and made a mountain out of a molehill.

There will always be someone more attractive than you out there. Live with it and realise he's with you for more than just that.
Ring him up, apologise for acting like a 15 year old and tell him how you expect a little more subtly and respect next time.

srdb20

Op unless you are planning on putting blinders on your guy, then i think you will have to deal with the fact that he will find other women attractive and may even Fancy some of them....OH NO:eek:... Im sure you have as well and will again!

It's just a matter of the two of you being mature enough to deal with it and to understand that it will happen.

Be mature about this **** and sit down and talk to the chap, and talk about the issue, dont run away from it!!

On a side note:
If you Keep ignoring him and when you actually want to talk he wont be there!!!!

He may have been "harsh" as you said but it seems to me that you are making a mountain out of a molehill here.

Hope im making some sense here OP? Just my opinion here!

Feel free to tell me to F**k off if ya like but im calling this one the way i see it

LegacyUser

dublindude wrote: »

OP: Is this your first boyfriend?

No dude, it's my 3rd boyfriend.

I know there are better woman out there then me, same as there are worse looking woman.
I think after 6 months he should be besotted with me and I should be the centre of his attention not my beautiful friend.
She is a stunner so suddenly all eyes are on her. I've never seen him buy a single drink for any of my female friends before, he was buying her EVERY drink!!

pookie82

I think people are being a bit harsh in the OP. I don't think the point is that he can't look at or fancy a good looking girl. The point is that girl is one if her mates and it sounds like he acted like a complete tw*t around her. if i went out with one of my hot mates and my boyfriend found her attractive and got on really well with her, fair enough. However, if we were usually affectionate in public and he didn't seem to want to adhere to this in that particular situation, laughed and flirted with her for the whole night, made me feel like a gimp and faffed all over her unashamedly making his attratction to her obvious, i'd be well pissed off. if I was out with one of his hot mates I wouldn't laugh uproariously at all his jokes, buy all the drinks, ignore my boyfriend and make it painfully obvious that i was being led by my crotch area than my respect for the guy i was with.

Is it ok for him to find her attratcive??? Ya!!! if she's hot, then fair enough!! Is it ok to make you feel two inches high because he can't stop pathetically fawning over her? no. It's embarassing and immature. OP you must have been mortified in front of your mate, and if he was as open about his attraction as you make out he was, then she must have noticed. I wouldn't think much of my mate's new boyfriend if our first meeting involved him giving me clear "I fancy you" signals.

If this was a one off with a random girl it's one thing. But the likelihood is that you'll probably meet up with this girl again as a couple if you don't break up over this. If he thinks that acting like that eveytime is acceptable and you're a drama queen for not liking it, you're gonna have problems in the future.

People on here are going to call you immature and childish and will say you sound really young and don't deserve to be in a relationship blah blah.... some of what you said may have led people to think that. You can't help that. But i have to say that if i were in your situation I would be very pissed off. Do i fancy other people? maybe. Do i make it pathetically obvious in front of my boyfriend and tell him to get over it? No, as I RESPECT him and wouldn't do it to him, full stop, least of all with his mate.

You should answer his calls. Silence isn't going to sort this out. Huffing is not going to provide you both with a solution. Try to talk about it calmly and if he's still making light of your concerns, then you'll have to decide whether you can handle a repeat and be ok with it.

I hope it works out for you.

chump

The replies have confirmed that the OP is a "drama queen".

OP, people are are being objective from the what you have pointed out in your original post. Maybe you needed to paint a clearer picture but honestly, I think you have overreacted, and indeed it probably stems from your own insecurity issues.

The first time some one who you're are going out with does something which upsets your sensibilities, unless it is a serious issue, you should discuss, reach common ground, and move on.

If I was him I'd be glad to be rid of you.

Jack B. Badd

Crazylady? wrote: »

On the drive home the next day I told him how upset he had made me and he brushed it off saying that he doesn't wanna be in a relationship
with somebody who needs constant reassurance.

Crazylady? wrote: »

I haven't spoken to him since Sunday. He's tried to
call me twice in that time - only twice!!

I agree with your boyfriend. You come across as immature and extremely insecure. It's too much hassle to be in a relationship with someone like that. Tbh, I'd be surprised if you get the chance to dump him if you keep acting like this.

BankMan

Hi There crazy lady.

I reckon a lot of posters are being a tad hard on you. Most people in your situation would have felt peeved by your other half's behaviour, I know I would have...

In my opinion, there are two issues here;

1)The cause of the argument (probably his fault)
2)The aftermath (almost certainly your fault)

Not returning his calls is getting you nowhere. You obviously feel that he has really wronged you, hence your desire to have him phone you incessantly begging you for forgiveness. This will not happen, although you have probably realised this by now. I also reckon it's very common for a fairly new couple to have problems wth communication skills, it just takes time....

As to whether you should break up or not, it's impossible for anyone to give you an objective opinion on this. When I first met my current GF, we had some really big bust ups that I was certain we wouldn't get over. She is now the future Mrs BankMan, so you never know :cool:

I hope all works out for you. Best of luck !

Jack B. Badd

BankMan wrote: »

When I first met my current GF, we had some really big bust ups that I was certain we wouldn't get over. She is now the future Mrs BankMan, so you never know :cool:

No marriage ever having been based on an unstable or unhealthy relationship, of course...

Edit: My point being that remaining in an unhealthy relationship, even to the extent that marriage is entered into, isn't necessarily a good idea. Persistence does not equal stability and marriage does not automatically mean that all issues and incompatibilities are moot.
If the OP requires the level of reassurance that she appears to it may benefit both her and her boyfriend to go their separate ways until she gets her act together rather than stick it out for the sake of it.

BankMan

Thanks for that Jack

Silverfish

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

No marriage ever having been based on an unstable or unhealthy relationship, of course...

Having a few arguments does not equal an unstable or unhealthy relationship.
In fact, when I hear someone say 'Oh, me and my husband/wife/bf/gf NEVER argue' alarm bells go off.



To the OP, I do think people are being harsh on you.
Yes, you are being immature, but.... so was he. He could have kept it in check and showed you respect. And when you did raise it, he could have shown a bit more respect when you called him on his behaviour and he turned it back on you.

I doubt very much he fancies your friend 'more' than you, he may fancy her a lot less than you, but an attractive female is an attractive female.
Couple that with the fact he may have been trying to get on extra well with her for your sake.

However, phone him, apologise for ignoring him. Start from there.

Nevyn

Ok your not going out that long but long enough for the pot to start to go off the boil
and that happens to coincide with your bf being gobsmacked and struck by the looks of
your friend to the point you say he exhibited preferential behaviour towards her leaving you feeling neglected and embrassed by his behaviour around her and towards her when he is in a relationship with you and you are present.

Personally if I was out with someone on a date or who I was in a relationship while I would not have a problem with them being struck by someone who was stunningly good looking if they started to fawn over then I would be pretty pissed off with them.

I would be more then that if when I raised with him his behaviour he tried to pretend it was me who was out of order and say I was insecure.

Yes so you threw a bit of a strop, yes you both should have talked about this reasonable and rationally while it's one thing to notice a stunning looking person it is another to embrass your partner int such a manner which disrespects them when out with their circle of friends.

You need to take responsibility for your action and he needs to take responsibility for his and you both need to set rules for what is permissible behaviour in your relationship and if you can't both do that then break up.

kwinabeeste

a wise man once told me "the girl of your dreams isn't always the girl of your heart"

i really fancied this girl and was an idiot the 1st time i met her cos she was stunning.. next time i saw her i realised that she wasn't really all that apart from her looks.

DD

I wouldn't like my boyfriend to be flirting with someone ...and more if it is right into my face.

Jack B. Badd

Thaedydal wrote: »

Personally if I was out with someone on a date or who I was in a relationship while I would not have a problem with them being struck by someone who was stunningly good looking if they started to fawn over then I would be pretty pissed off with them.

I would be more then that if when I raised with him his behaviour he tried to pretend it was me who was out of order and say I was insecure.

Yes so you threw a bit of a strop, yes you both should have talked about this reasonable and rationally while it's one thing to notice a stunning looking person it is another to embrass your partner int such a manner which disrespects them when out with their circle of friends.

If the OP is as insecure as she appears then there's a good chance she could have blown apparently normal behaviour out of proportion...

davyjose

Crazylady? wrote: »

Get over myself? Your username is quite apt, you are cold.

He was horrible to me and it was embarrasing. Why should I answer his calls? I asked him outright if he fancied her and he just brushed me off and called me names like drama queen and told me to stop iritating him. that is harsh.

Your username is apt too. You asked for advise and you insult those that give it.
Well here's some more advice - if I were your bf, i'd ditch you. You seem like a complete drag, and now that the relationship has passed the honeymoon phase, I think you are gonna make this guy's life a misery.
Maybe he was in a good mood, maybe he thought your friend was good craic, and if anyone started snogging in front of me, in my company, with nobody else there, I'd think they were just rude.

Wurly

OP, if your friend was not hot and your boyfriend behaved in the same way with her, how would you have reacted?

The reason im asking is this:

If it wouldn't bother you as much, then its your insecurity and your issue. It's not his behaviour that's the problem, its cos your friend is hotter than you (debatable) think you are and you feel threatened cos of her looks. That's not your boyfriend's fault and its nothing to do with him.

However, if his behaviour bothered you, irrespective of the attractiveness of the person involved - that's different.

See what i'm saying? Ask yourself - is it your insecurity here or was it your boyfriend's behaviour?

Regardless, call him. Games always lead to trouble. He's not going to wait around forever.

scoot on

Tbh I think the crux of the issue is the 'petting' thing. I agree with other posters that have said that petting each other in public after 6 months is something 17 year olds do. I know you said you only mentioned it to highlight his behaviour but the fact that ye normally act like that in public would strike alarm bells for me. I personally really dislike couples that act like that. It makes me feel that they're completely insecure about their relationship and want to show off that they have a bf/gf. I think this is the issue you have with your friend aswell. I know my bf looks at girls that are more attractive than me. I'll point them out to him if I see them first. But I know he loves me. We're not all over each other in public. In fact we're the opposite. But I have no doubt about how he feels about me. I don't need him to show public affection to know how much he cares about me.

Monkey61

Hmm...if I was the OP I think I'd be a bit pissed off.

Completely agree with "pookie82" on this one.

FACT - You're boyfriend should think you are the most beautiful person in the world and make sure you know this.

FACT - It is extemely disrespectful to go over the top in flirting with your girlfriend's friend in front of her.

FACT - It does not make you immature to freak out about it. He should be turning up on your door step with a redemptive romantic gesture. He's not an idiot. He must know his behaviour was completely out of order.

FACT - You may be as touchy feely as you like with your bofriend in public. Some other people don't like it, but that's their problem. If your that excited about each other and it makes you appy - do it.

FACT - If you question him and he gets so touchy about it that he actually says "I don't want to be in a relationship wih someone who needs constant reassurance" then he has a problem. Does he totally control this relationship?

I would never treat my girlfriend like that - or say something so bloody condescending. If I upset her and it was obviously my fault then I would be straight over with a gesture of apology.

Monkey61

Beruthiel wrote: »

There will always be someone more attractive than you out there. .

Sorry couldn't not respond to this! WTF??? How could you go out with someone knowing that they thought that there was people in the world that were more attractive to them than you?

How little self belief must you have to think that? I would hate to be in a relationship with someone who didn't think I was the most attractive person in the history of the universe.

How horrible. Could you actually go out with someone that you didn't think was the most attractive person in the world? Why would you then? Why wouldn't you just go out with the most attarctive person in the world?

Davei141

Oh jesus, monkey61 your delusional.

Nevyn

Davei141 personal abuse and non constructive unhelpful posting is not permissible on this forum.

event

Monkey61 wrote: »

Hmm...if I was the OP I think I'd be a bit pissed off.

Completely agree with "pookie82" on this one.

FACT - You're boyfriend should think you are the most beautiful person in the world and make sure you know this.

FACT - It is extemely disrespectful to go over the top in flirting with your girlfriend's friend in front of her.

FACT - It does not make you immature to freak out about it. He should be turning up on your door step with a redemptive romantic gesture. He's not an idiot. He must know his behaviour was completely out of order.

FACT - You may be as touchy feely as you like with your bofriend in public. Some other people don't like it, but that's their problem. If your that excited about each other and it makes you appy - do it.

FACT - If you question him and he gets so touchy about it that he actually says "I don't want to be in a relationship wih someone who needs constant reassurance" then he has a problem. Does he totally control this relationship?

I would never treat my girlfriend like that - or say something so bloody condescending. If I upset her and it was obviously my fault then I would be straight over with a gesture of apology.

putting the word FACT beside a statement doesnt make it true

He should be turning up on your door step with a redemptive romantic gesture.

oh good lord, best of luck holding a proper boyfriend with an attitude like that, not someone who is just a doormat.

OP, he was perhaps out of line, but he looked, so what. Thats what guys do, like it or not. We look, we stare. Boo hoo.

Do you think that you can through a relationship without your or your other halves head being turned? if so, you are very naive.

you are being childish to not answer his calls, he has only called twice as he probably doesnt want to keep calling, only to be ignored.

call him and talk

ntlbell

Monkey61 wrote: »

How horrible. Could you actually go out with someone that you didn't think was the most attractive person in the world? Why would you then? Why wouldn't you just go out with the most attarctive person in the world?

There's a small little problem with your theory.

It's called reality, and the above is just slightly cut off from it

d-gal

Crazylady u are never going to be happy if you carry on like this. From your abusive and defensive responses to other advisors it shows you are stubborn and need reassurance, u want us to reassure that you are right and if you don't you are abusive.
In a relationship you should never expect your bf to grovel, u should never expect him to look at u and nobody else. Here is a Q, u ever stare at another guy? think he is hot? fancy him? just as bad doing it behind his back as well so show some maturity and apologise for being a drama queen

trish1

hi anon.
i had the same problem. wit a guy 4 almost 6 yrs and thought i had sum really good friends. a few weeks before christmas he walked out on me. i hav a 7 yr old and we had a child together. a couple of weeks after he left i found out he was with 1 of my so called friends. and our baby was only 4 months old. his stil with her and it breaks my heart every single day. my advice is get rid. wats the point in being wit sum1 u cant trust? and watever u d please do it before u end up in my situation cos even tho it wasnt my fault im the 1 living wit the guilt and i stil blame myself but its the kids that suffer the most and its a horrible way to live. if sum1 really loves u they shouldnt even hav 2 look at another woman.

davyjose

Monkey61 wrote: »

Sorry couldn't not respond to this! WTF??? How could you go out with someone knowing that they thought that there was people in the world that were more attractive to them than you?

So only single guys find Jessica Alba attractive? And as soon as they meet someone else, they think she's not? You're dreaming.

ntlbell

trish1 wrote: »

my advice is get rid. wats the point in being wit sum1 u cant trust?

Sorry to hear of your unfortunate expirience but I'm not sure how it relates to the OP he laughed at her jokes and bought his gf's friend a drink while she was present.

What reason has she not to trust this guy?

manufan

OP, I am a bloke and i think your boyfriend acted like a complete twat, showing no restraint and acting like a lovestruck puppy BUT there must be a lack of communication in the Relationship if he behaved this way and didn't realise that his behaviour was hurting you or worse, wasn't particularly bothered that his behaviour was hurting you..

To then fob you off and tell you to stop acting like a Drama Queen was bang out of order when you had real concerns over his behaviour. He obviously has no Tact and needs to take your feelings into consideration the next time he is around a hot looking girl.

Mind you, you and your boyfriend were asked to relax on the petting by your friend but you didn't take her feelings into consideration so theres the pair of you in it.

Phone your fella and have an adult conversation with him addressing the issues you have with his behaviour but don't have a rant at him. Its counterproductive. He was a twat, agreed, but you are making things far worse by ignoring him and are possibly going to drive him away. The worrying thing is that you and your boyfriend don't seem to have the mutual respect for each others feelings and don't know where to draw the line. Not a good sign for a healthy long lasting relationship. Good look with it anyway.

LegacyUser

your boyfriend sounds like an insensitive attention seeking d!ck.... dont let him think this is normal behaviour-YOU should dump him!

never ever let a man humiliate you,if people think this is reality,they are wrong... there are plenty of nice guys out there who would never humiliate their girlfriend by drooling over another girl in front of her-

im going out with my boyfriend for 12 years-living together for 11-never would i accept that level of relationship-im telling you if it was the other way around your boyfriend wouldnt like it either!

if your boyfriend isnt ready to commit to you get rid of him find someone who will adore you-never except second best,id prefere to be on my own that settle for someone like that......

i think youll find its the lads who are sticking up for your boyfriend here...trying to justify his behaviour-no self respecting woman would put up with that Sh!t...

ntlbell

manufan wrote: »

OP, I am a bloke and i think your boyfriend acted like a complete twat, showing no restraint and acting like a lovestruck puppy BU

To then fob you off and tell you to stop acting like a Drama Queen was bang out of order when you had real concerns over his behaviour. He obviously has no Tact and needs to take your feelings into consideration the next time he is around a hot looking girl.

Mind you, you and your boyfriend were asked to relax on the petting by your friend but you didn't take her feelings into consideration so theres the pair of you in it.

Did you not read the post at all?

Firstly the petting inccident was on another occasion with I assume a different friend and we dont know the full details of that inncident.

so on the occasion in question there was NO petting (which upset the OP because he would normally be very efecient towards in the company of others and she found it odd he WASNT petting on this occasion)

How is laughing at peoples jokes and buying a few rounds for people in your company turn you into a twat?

By accusing her bf of untoward behaviour to her friend is her being a drama queen, simple as.