girlfriend too fat

LegacyUser

I am regular on here but unreg for this for sure. The basic story is my girlfriend and I have been together around 3 years and during that time she has gained over a stone in weight. I know it doesn't seem a lot but it's the direction (lazy lifestyle, eating junk) she is heading which worries me most. To complicate issues she was anorexic in her teens which was years before we met. How can I bring this up without offending her or hurting her feelings, because it is affecting our relationship. Thank you.

Glowing

AiDoAiDo wrote: »

I know it doesn't seem a lot but it's the direction (lazy lifestyle, eating junk) she is heading which worries me most.

Well with a title of 'Girlfriend too fat', it doesn't seem to me that you're at all concerned with her lifestyle!

A stone is nothing. She was anorexic in the past, it's a good sign that she can put on a bit of weight and not worry about it. I'm sure you're not perfect either - have you not ever taken it easy for a few months and let those rippling abs go a bit soft? :rolleyes:

Mena

AiDoAiDo wrote: »

because it is affecting our relationship. Thank you.

How is it affecting your relationship?

Other than that, with someone who's already been anorexic, I'd say you'd need to tread carefully...

mikemac

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055297358

Both of you sign up

Morpheus

You could bring in some lifestyle changes, suggest walks on the beach, messing around with frisby, take up swimming together (horse riding is surprisingly good for toning muscles too), you dont need to tell her to lose weight but you can alter both your lifestyles in very subtle ways if you are thoughful about it and without blatantly doing it just so she will shed pounds. It can be very beneficial to your relationship too as you will spend time together having fun!!!

c - 13

AiDoAiDo wrote: »

I am regular on here but unreg for this for sure. The basic story is my girlfriend and I have been together around 3 years and during that time she has gained over a stone in weight. I know it doesn't seem a lot but it's the direction (lazy lifestyle, eating junk) she is heading which worries me most. To complicate issues she was anorexic in her teens which was years before we met. How can I bring this up without offending her or hurting her feelings, because it is affecting our relationship. Thank you.

With such a subtle thread title as this i'm sure you'll have no problem broaching the subject with her without offending her ...

If you are actually concerned - lead by example. You live together, tell her you want to get in shape and ask for her help. Buy only good decent foods, no crap, cook, go to the gym together so on.

Zulu

Glowing wrote: »

I'm sure you're not perfect either - have you not ever taken it easy for a few months and let those rippling abs go a bit soft? :rolleyes:

How exactly does this help the OP with their problem? :rolleyes:

Fail.
More effort required.

OP:You are going to get a spate of women come on and hammer you for the way you phrased your post. It's unfortunate, but it'll happen. Ironically most of these posters will have posted in the ladies lounge saying they'd never go out with a short man - so don't worry too much about it.

You're in an impossible position really. It's clearly a very sensitive subject you'll need to tackle, and to be honest, if you don't tackle it, it could negativity impact your relationship - which I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate either. Most people will recommend taking up a hobby together, such as hill walking, and they positively re-enforcing it. ie: take a 5 mile walk, and keep banging on about how much fun it was etc.. I don't know how successful this would be, but it's your only hope.
That or come straight out with it, which I wouldn't recommend myself

Eitherway - good luck

gogglebok

I agree with the stuff about lifestyle changes. Do you cook? If you got into a habit of making good healthy food, the junk diet might look less appealing. It's also a cool skill to have, and a very enjoyable way to spend some time.

LegacyUser

To the posters making comments about the thread title, what exactly is the problem with it? This is the OP's issue, how else is he supposed to phrase it - 'gf not exactly thin anymore'?

I was in a similar position a few months ago with my ex gf. We'd been going out 3 years and she had put on at least a stone and a half and it wasn't like she could afford to put it on. There were some other issues with the relationship too but her letting herself go was a major one for me. I could where this was heading down the line, she was 25 and by the time she was 28 she would be fat as f^$k and only going to get fatter still, sounds crude but that's the truth of it. I had lost almost all sexual attraction for her and whats the point of going out with someone if you dont want to have sex with them? I did bring up the weight issue once or twice and she did take a bit of offence, but she had zero interest in doing anything about it. She was just not the type who could be bothered to exercise and she loved her food way too much to start eating healthily - some people are just too lazy when it comes to lifestyle and they will never change. I think it was her whole attitude to letting herself go that bothered me even more than the weight itself.

She's put on at least another stone in the few months since we broke up. So op, if you think she wont get her act together I'd advise you to knock this relationship on the head
as she will only get worse as time goes on.

Wibbs

People change throughout life, so you either accept that or you don't.

Now if you meet someone and they change appreciably in your eyes then that will be a problem. Many will focus on the weight, as it's a contentious issue especially for women, but it could be anything. Let's reverse it and say if a woman was going with a guy who was upbeat and confident, who then became withdrawn and clingy, he would simply become less attractive to her and a tipping point would happen at some point. Both may use the excuse of, "well if you loved me......" Same diff.

The solution is going to be a hard one. If you bring up her weight she will react badly in 90% of cases. She'll know she's put on a stone or whatever. She may be feeling bad about it which may make her seek comfort food more and the cycle continues. Doubly so if she's had an unhealthy relationship with food before. She'll also spot if you have a sudden interest in becoming a gym bunny, but will take that better, as you'll look like you're helping her rather than criticising her.

RedXIV

You could bring in some lifestyle changes, suggest walks on the beach, messing around with frisby, take up swimming together (horse riding is surprisingly good for toning muscles too), you dont need to tell her to lose weight but you can alter both your lifestyles in very subtle ways if you are thoughful about it and without blatantly doing it just so she will shed pounds. It can be very beneficial to your relationship too as you will spend time together having fun!!!

+1 to this post.

OP, if you are worried about hurting your partner, then maybe leading by example is the way. Taking up a sport that she could easily join you in, such as swimming, would be a good start. even if it's just getting her to walk to the pool with you and then relaxing as you go for a swim. The walk will make a difference. Also, as for junk food, while people usually say they crave chocolate etc, i find that if you do a properly cooked meal, with very healthy ingredients, the attraction is the same. I'd prefer a dinner over chocolate anyday but a few years ago i'd have said otherwise.

Best of luck OP

Red

star-pants

OP as you said you need to tread carefully on this topic as you don't want to make her self conscious like she was before.

Others have suggested good ideas - maybe suggest joining a gym together, or going swimming - little things, maybe even say you're feeling unhealthy yourself and want to change your diet, she might join you. If you live together then you can have some influence over what's bought (junk wise) or if she's coming over to you, cook a healthier meal. Go for a walk after dinner perhaps, little things like that.

but do be careful about how you go about it

Captain Ginger

Well, in my opinion as long as she's happy that's all that matters right?

I'm not exactly skinny myself but most of the time I'm a happy person, I mean I hate to say this, but I don't really think it's your place to be deciding if she's "too fat" or not.

If she was getting really depressed over her weight then I think there would be an issue, but if she's happy, and you're happy (providing you're not shallow enough to go off her because she put on a stone?) then you should both just live life and enjoy it.

Dudess

myexgftoo wrote: »

To the posters making comments about the thread title, what exactly is the problem with it? This is the OP's issue, how else is he supposed to phrase it - 'gf not exactly thin anymore'?

No. How about "Girlfriend putting on weight"?
The OP even says it's moreso her lifestyle than her weight that's bothering him.

LegacyUser

Hi Op, firstly fair play for being honest. If your GF has put on weight and its effecting your relationship, then yes its a problem and you are right to want to tackle it.
As zulu said most women will slate you for it but would not date a short or fat guy and probably spend a great deal worrying about their own appearance.
Im a woman myself. Your GF is probably aware deep down that she has put on weight but as shes not ready or willing to deal with it yet mentioning it will probably just make it worse her self confidence will go down and she will comfort eat.

My BF was very fit when he was younger but in the past 2 years his weight crept up and while it didnt effect our relationship, i still loved him, it did disappoint me as I found myself thinking if he is like this at 32 what will he be like in ten years? he was letting himself go and it was a pity as he was a good looking guy.
so, I led example. I started eating healthy, excercising and being health conscious. and it worked. Its hard to eat pure junk when your partner is eating healthy food and cooking tasty but healthy food for you. he started talking to me about how he was unhappy with his body and he started doing a lot more sport and heading to the gym and now he looks fantastic.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

You're not defining the issue: Is it the weight hat bothers you or the laziness? An overwight girlfriend I could live with. A boring/lazy one, regardless of figure, I could not.

I'd suggest more activities to get you both out and about. Weight/fitness doesn;t need to be an issue, jsut say you're bored and you want to get out together. It's summer for heaven's sake!

JMULL

roughly what height and weight is she now?

Tigger

lets be honest here the title isn't gf getting her self fall into unhealthy lifestyle

the girl is getting fat
if thats gonna be a turn off then thats the truth
i went out with an girl for 3 years
she was 19 and skinny and stuff when we started and she was 22 and fat

i tried everything "lets go jogging/eat healthy/ gym/cycling/boating/hillwalking"

no interest , too hard

so it was affecting me and not the life i wanted so bye-bye

harsh? at the time it nearly killed me but it had to be done


now women kleave me alone because you wouldn't want a short/fat /poor man and if you would you shouldn't

Tigger

JMULL wrote: »

roughly what height and weight is she now?

irrelevant
she's fat in his mind its his sexlife not for you to jugje whether she's fat or not

some girls can be 13st and gorgeous but thats because they are fit and toned its the mirror that counts here
i didn'y create the media druiver perception of beauty and neither did the op so stay on subject: helping him

Zulu

Captain Ginger wrote: »

Well, in my opinion as long as she's happy that's all that matters right?

Wrong. His happiness matters. She's only one half of the equation.

I'm not exactly skinny myself but most of the time I'm a happy person,

While happiness is a trait most people would look for in their partners, it's by no means the only one, or for that matter and important one (for a lot of people it seems)

I mean I hate to say this, but I don't really think it's your place to be deciding if she's "too fat" or not.

Horseshit. Who's place is it? (to determine what he finds attractive in a person)

...but if she's happy, and you're happy

He's not happy, thats the point.

(providing you're not shallow enough to go off her because she put on a stone?)

That is bullshit. So because someone starts to find their partner unattractive they're shallow? :rolleyes:
Get down off your horse.

LegacyUser

Tigger wrote: »

lets be honest here the title isn't gf getting her self fall into unhealthy lifestyle

the girl is getting fat
if thats gonna be a turn off then thats the truth
i went out with an girl for 3 years
she was 19 and skinny and stuff when we started and she was 22 and fat

i tried everything "lets go jogging/eat healthy/ gym/cycling/boating/hillwalking"

no interest , too hard

so it was affecting me and not the life i wanted so bye-bye

harsh? at the time it nearly killed me but it had to be done


now women kleave me alone because you wouldn't want a short/fat /poor man and if you would you shouldn't

Thats exactly what I was saying....op if your gf is one of those girls who has absolutely no interest whatsoever in getting her act together and you are losing attraction for her then the relationship is doomed. People suggesting 'bring her swimming, running, etc..." dont realise that some people just will not exercise no matter what. Its worth a try I suppose, her response will give you a good indication of how things will go.

Captain Ginger

Zulu wrote: »

Wrong. His happiness matters. She's only one half of the equation.
While happiness is a trait most people would look for in their partners, it's by no means the only one, or for that matter and important one (for a lot of people it seems)
Horseshit. Who's place is it? (to determine what he finds attractive in a person)

He's not happy, thats the point.
That is bullshit. So because someone starts to find their partner unattractive they're shallow? :rolleyes:
Get down off your horse.

Wow, calm down, no need to bring out the agro, I'm not on any high horse, I'm just calling it as I see it.

When it comes down to a relationship you have to accept people for who they are and if he doesn't like that why should she change her lifestyle if she's happy?

Sugar Drunk

zulu makes some excellent points and I am a woman saying this!
I am so sick of women coming out with this 'im curvy and happy' bull sh*t! firstly, piling on weight, eating junk, doing no excercise is not becoming 'curvy' its being lazy and unhealthy and will lead to health issues.

The BF also has rights and if he is not happy then there is a problem with the relationship. Just because shes happy with her size doesnt mean he should just play along. At the end of the day he chose to go out with her at the size she was not the size she is now.

Its not shallow to admit that you are unattracted to your GF since she has put on weight- its actually pretty brave! Women often palm off men that are 'too fat' 'too short' or 'too hairy' but get uptight if a man doesnt think they are stunning.

I take pride in my appearance and I want my boyfriend to like how I look and to be proud that I am with him. I just couldnt willing pile on weight and lose interest in my appearance

Tigger

Captain Ginger wrote: »

Wow, calm down, no need to bring out the agro, I'm not on any high horse, I'm just calling it as I see it.

When it comes down to a relationship you have to accept people for who they are and if he doesn't like that why should she change her lifestyle if she's happy?

if she wasn't fat and now she is she has already changed her lifestyle

c - 13

Actually I just noticed you said your together three years.

What happens to some people together that long is they fall into a sort of "Comfort Zone", i.e. - Well s/he loves me if they're with me this long so I can stop making as much effort as I used to

Sounds like thats whats happened here and she's not going to change that unless you can give her *some* indicator that your not happy, be it direct confrontation or indirect

Captain Ginger

Tigger wrote: »

if she wasn't fat and now she is she has already changed her lifestyle

Yes, to something that obviously suites her.

By the way, I'm not for one minute here saying the OP is wrong, so put down the shot guns. I'm just saying that the girl is old enough to make decisions, and if she wants to live an unhealthly life style that's her choice, same way the OP has the choice to stay with her or to not put up with this.

Just playing devils advocate.

herya

I guess it depends on her actual weight. If she used to be anorexic (and remained thin) and then put on a stone during the time when you know her it may all be simply a case of yourself being into skinny girls and shocked to find out your gf is not one any longer! Your problem then not hers.

BUT

if she gained weight after her anorexia and now put on another stone on top of it (which she cannot afford to both health-wise and appearance-wise) I think you should introduce the topic.

I'm rather slim myself but when I put on about half a stone in two months (reaction to going off some meds) I really appreciated my bf's help to lose it (and I lost it quickly, plus even more than I put on), like not getting takeaways, suggesting outdoor activities whenever possible. I'd hate it if he pretended not to see but was unhappy with it inside.

Long walks (make sure she takes good shoes!), walking to & from work if possible, VEGGIES NOT JUNK FOOD, fruit instead of sweets. All it takes for her is to stick with it for a few weeks and then she'll become used to the new lifestyle so much that the though of stuffing her face with a junk food meal will become totally weird and she will miss fresh air if she's not outdoors for a few hours. But in these first weeks she'll need yor help to stick with it. If your own lifestyle is healthy you should find it easy to share it, if it's not... who are to criticize your gf? :>

And if you give her a good massage every night it's great for the skin during the weight loss stage... and as far as I know girls love it

Zulu

...By the way, I'm not for one minute here saying the OP is wrong, so put down the shot guns.

You implied he was shallow. Back-peddling now doesn't change that.

Just playing devils advocate.

And how exactly is that helping the OP? Besides - I taught you were just calling it as you see it?

LifeISforLivin

Captain Ginger wrote: »

If she was getting really depressed over her weight then I think there would be an issue, but if she's happy, and you're happy (providing you're not shallow enough to go off her because she put on a stone?) then you should both just live life and enjoy it.

Hey Captain, come on though lets get real, sexual attraction is shallow, we cant decide what turns us on, because its hard wired into our brains.

You cant say "oh what a bad partner, he doesnt fancy his bird any more, but morally he should fancy her, the big meanie". It doesnt work like that.
Alls fair in love and war.

Im a woman, and Ive put on a half a stone since I met my BF but I am out walking, horse riding and have cut out the booze because I know myself that I look better without the extra bit of flab and I am going to lose it and stay attractive to him and myself.

The fella was attracted to me as I was and there is nothing wrong with that.

Acceptance is great and fine but if you are not attracted to someone at a certain weight you should not have to pretend you are. Relationships are about survival of the fittest, if you let yourself go and your partner loses interest, you have only yourself to blame.

My last BF practically let the teeth rot out of his head, cut his once gorgeous long hair and put on weight, sorry but I just was not attracted any more, much like he lost interest on me when I lashed on 2 stone at an earlier stage in the relationship. Subsequently lost. But I digress.

Anyway, I dont agree with body facism but lets not end up like America where people are whinging and whining about "fat acceptance" while stuffing themselves with a million calories a day and trundling about on motorised wheely things!

OP, I wouldnt sweat the anorexia thing too much, well, find out if it really was anorexia or just a figure of speech. I know loads of women who claim to have been "anorexic" when they just mean they lost some weight and followed stupid diets in youth, most women have done it. Specially teenage girls who will do this for attention but rarely spill over into actual real anorexia, ie hospital stay, going under 6 stone type of area for sustained period of time, not just a few weeks.

You need to be direct with her, without being cruel. You owe her honesty.
If you are losing attraction to her she needs to know, too many men because of fear of "hurting" their partner keep material facts from them, and then the very same women will whinge later "he never told me..." bla bla bla so you cant win, just be honest, if she cries and wheedles thats another story....

However if she is any type of girl worth her salt she will maybe be a bit hurt but grateful you levelled with her and she will get on her bike and do something about it.

At least this way you have given her a chance to stay in the game, I mean if you didnt tell her you would just end up staying with her out of misplaced "duty" and secretly fancying her hot friends and that infinitely worse!

MysticalSoul

Age can also be a factor. As women from age 28 onwards, we tend to put on weight, for those all important child bearing years - our hips start to widen, metabolic rate slows down etc, so maybe she is eating the same as before, but now that she has hit a certain age (of course I have no idea how old she is), that things like this have started to happen.

Nevyn

Actually women's fertility start to decline as she turns 28.

herya

irishamethyst wrote: »

Age can also be a factor. As women from age 28 onwards, we tend to put on weight, for those all important child bearing years - our hips start to widen, metabolic rate slows down etc, so maybe she is eating the same as before, but now that she has hit a certain age (of course I have no idea how old she is), that things like this have started to happen.

Do you have a link to any article stating this? Genuinely interested, I thought that biologically the child bearing age is much much lower.

ongarite

Metabolic rate slowing down leading to weight gain as you get older is a myth, even an excuse IMO. Metabolism slows down a little as you get older but not that much. Its all due to your muscle mass, the more muscle you have, the higher you metabolic rate and calorie burning potential.
You put on weight because you get lazier, do less physical activity and eat more rich foods.

Captain Ginger

Zulu wrote: »

You implied he was shallow. Back-peddling now doesn't change that.
And how exactly is that helping the OP? Besides - I taught you were just calling it as you see it?

I didn't call him shallow, I said "providing you're not" because to me if you have a big issue with a girl putting on a stone then that qualifys as shallow to me. But he didn't say that was the main issure, more so her lifestyle.

And I'm trying to give my opinion as well as something differnt from the parrot posting that always happens in these threads.

If you don't agree with my views you don't have to keep harrasing me, this isn't about you it's about the OP.

LifeISforLivin wrote: »

Hey Captain, come on though lets get real, sexual attraction is shallow, we cant decide what turns us on, because its hard wired into our brains.

Oh there is no arguing sexual attraction is shallow at all, I don't get turned on by a dashing conversation. But I was just pointing out there should be more than sexual attraction in a relationship.

LifeISforLivin

Captain Ginger wrote: »

I was just pointing out there should be more than sexual attraction in a relationship.

Aye aye Captain!! Tis true!!!

Gyalist

OP, read this reply I gave to a poster on another forum seeking help with the same problem. Actually it would be instructive to read that whole thread. The idiotic response to my post from the teenaged moderator was more than a bit amusing.

Captain Ginger

Gyalist wrote: »

OP, read this reply I gave to a poster on another forum seeking help with the same problem. Actually it would be instructive to read that whole thread. The idiotic response to my post from the teenaged moderator was more than a bit amusing.

Fantastic post that, I'll be refering to that myself

LifeISforLivin

Gyalist, Im not bein funny but are you a woman or man?

That advice although well meaning is really patronising and cringeworthy.

Beware of advice based on generalisations about the sexes, although there may be based on broad truths, I think the "baby youre not that fat" and all that cr*p is really nauseating and insulting to most womens intelligence....sorry

How about:
Her: "I look so fat!"

You: Hmmm.....

Her: "See, you think I'm fat"

You: If Im being honest, I do.

In other words instead of blowing smoke up her ar$e level with her, if men did this more, women would not be going around in such a deluded state all the time.To be honest women, while they enjoy a bit of sesitivity will respond better to a bit of honesty rather than the soft soaping approach.

It may have been designed with real spoilt princesses in mind, to be used by men who are terrified of offending these rare and fragile creatures but using this type of approach is only cowtowing to the undesirable propensity in some women to sulk and be unreasonable when faced with the truth (while themselves being well able to dish it out to the men)

Truth being "you are fatter than attractive to me, it is not my fault"

How is tiptoeing around the issue going to get the message accross to the girl?....having said that I am NOT advocating taking a wrecking ball to her ego.

But sometimes the simple approach is the best.

Sorry but personally, the one you have described there would make me rebel rather than co-operate!!!

Captain Ginger

LifeISforLivin wrote: »

Gyalist, Im not bein funny but are you a woman or man?

That advice although well meaning is really patronising and cringeworthy.

Beware of advice based on generalisations about the sexes, although there may be based on broad truths, I think the "baby youre not that fat" and all that cr*p is really nauseating and insulting to most womens intelligence....sorry

How about:
Her: "I look so fat!"

You: Hmmm.....

Her: "See, you think I'm fat"

You: If Im being honest, I do.

In other words instead of blowing smoke up her ar$e level with her, if men did this more, women would not be going around in such a deluded state all the time.To be honest women, while they enjoy a bit of sesitivity will respond better to a bit of honesty rather than the soft soaping approach.

It may have been designed with real spoilt princesses in mind, to be used by men who are terrified of offending these rare and fragile creatures but using this type of approach is only cowtowing to the undesirable propensity in some women to sulk and be unreasonable when faced with the truth (while themselves being well able to dish it out to the men)

Truth being "you are fatter than attractive to me, it is not my fault"

How is tiptoeing around the issue going to get the message accross to the girl?....having said that I am NOT advocating taking a wrecking ball to her ego.

But sometimes the simple approach is the best.

Sorry but personally, the one you have described there would make me rebel rather than co-operate!!!

You make some good points, in the end an element oh honesty is always good, but as a guy we do have to use a bit of tact.

One of my ex's was a bit on the large side and she asked me what I thought and my answer was something like.

"Well you're not exactly skinny, but it's not something that I notice when I'm with you."
- Then hugs and kisses

That was honesty but without being insulting and she was happy enough with the answer.

RedXIV

LifeISforLivin wrote: »

How about:
Her: "I look so fat!"

You: Hmmm.....

Her: "See, you think I'm fat"

You: If Im being honest, I do.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!!?

I went on hols last year with two mates, a guy and a girl and the guy is uber fitness freak and girl is perfectly good looking girl, savage set of curves on her. She came in asking did a certain outfit make her look fat and he answered with the above. Worst damn holiday ever after that.

As a rule guys never NEVER NEVER reply with any kind of response indicating a girl is fat. if you don't want to lie, you avoid the question. not that hard.

That convo would be suicide in an incredible number of relationships

Captain Ginger

I dunno, if you keep telling a girl blatent lies it's just going to make her feel bad.

RedXIV

Captain Ginger wrote: »

I dunno, if you keep telling a girl blatent lies it's just going to make her feel bad.

Trust me, nothing like how it'd make the girl feel if you call her fat

Captain Ginger

RedXIV wrote: »

Trust me, nothing like how it'd make the girl feel if you call her fat

Oh well as I said, you have to use an element of tact, or as you said avoid the question.

But you can't call a cat a dog.

CamillaRhodes

You can be honest without being cruel, and you can be tactful without lying.

My (relatively new at the time) boyfriend saw a picture of me a few years ago, when I was about a stone lighter.

My comment "I was so much slimmer back then"
Him "Yeah, you looked great"
Me: "Are you saying I look fat now?" (Guys, you know these sort of comments I'm sure)
Him: "No I think you look great now, but I'm just saying I think you looked even better a few pounds lighter"

It was honest and pissed me off slightly at the time, but was also flattering in its honesty, and was a kick up the backside which helped me lose that stone. Now am much happier, and boyfriend congratulates me all the time on how great I look a stone slimmer.

To the guys advocating outright brutal honesty, do you think girls should apply the same when their men ask if their willy is big enough???

tbh

Gyalist wrote: »

OP, read this reply I gave to a poster on another forum seeking help with the same problem. Actually it would be instructive to read that whole thread. The idiotic response to my post from the teenaged moderator was more than a bit amusing.

It's bad enough you wrote that post in the first place without feeling the need to draw attention to it. Horrible, misogynistic "advice". By the way, I'm in my 30's (seeing as you obviously think that's relevant)

Gyalist

LifeISforLivin, you may be that rare creature - a woman who can accept criticism of her appearance from a man - but the vast majority of women can't.

The advice was given based on my personal experience.

I'd be more than willing to discuss this further with you but that discussion wouldn't help the OP's problem so I'll make no further comment here.

Gyalist

tbh wrote: »

It's bad enough you wrote that post in the first place without feeling the need to draw attention to it. Horrible, misogynistic "advice". By the way, I'm in my 30's (seeing as you obviously think that's relevant)

Well, I'm waiting for you to point out the horrible misogyny...

tbh

ahhhh. One of the "my personal experience is reflected throughout a world of 6 billion people" brigade. Carry on so.

CamillaRhodes

Aye aye aye. Not wanting to be drawn into the battle between tbh and Gyalist, but I sorta agree with both of you.
Tbh - you're right that Gyalist's language is on the misogynistic side. Gyalist, men do not have to LEAD in their relationships, and using terms like 'compliance' is not exactly flattering.

However, the general gist of what Gyalist says - be flattering in your comments about weight gain and loss, and live by example - are fair enough, no?

tbh

CamillaRhodes wrote: »

However, the general gist of what Gyalist says - be flattering in your comments about weight gain and loss, and live by example - are fair enough, no?

yes I accept that.

Gyalist

CamillaRhodes wrote: »

Gyalist, men do not have to LEAD in their relationships, and using terms like 'compliance' is not exactly flattering.

Huh? I'd debate that with you in Humanities or any other suitable forum but I don't want to drag this thread further off-topic.