buying my own apartment...girlfriend not happy

LegacyUser

hi,

im considering buying my own apartment, i have a girlfriend of 4 years. I mentioned this to her today and she was none too pleased. I explained that i needed to get out of my parents house as i was fed up living there (im 27 btw). I think she got annoyed because she thought we would move in together, which i have every intention of doing, but i just need to have my own space for awhile, am i being inconsiderate?

MysticalSoul

Not at all. In any relationship, it is important that you do things such as moving in together when you BOTH feel ready, and not just because one party wants it. Seeing as you are still at home, I think it would be important to allow yourself time to adjust before moving in together. Just my two cents... If she is worth it, she will respect your views on this

RedXIV

TheThinker wrote: »

hi,

im considering buying my own apartment, i have a girlfriend of 4 years. I mentioned this to her today and she was none too pleased. I explained that i needed to get out of my parents house as i was fed up living there (im 27 btw). I think she got annoyed because she thought we would move in together, which i have every intention of doing, but i just need to have my own space for awhile, am i being inconsiderate?

You have every right to take it at your own pace. The only advice i'll give you is that it might be a better idea to rent, depending on how long you plan to wait before moving in with the gf

Wurly

No you're not being inconsiderate. It takes two to tango. Have you explained your rationale for buying the apartment yourself?

I can see where she is coming from, if not. But perhaps she just needs to be told that you's will move in together down the line but for the moment, you just want your own personal space in your own place.

After that, I cant why she would have a problem. And if she does, then she is being unfair and selfish for not considering your needs.

I mean, its not like you're moving to the other side of the world or anything. I cant see how your decision would affect her life in any huge way.

Good luck with the new pad.

LegacyUser

hey,

yeah i did consider renting, but im fortunate enough to be able to buy. You see i always said to myself when i move out it will be for good. and to be honest im just covering my ass here. im sure we will love living together, but you never know! if i bought with her, i dont want the mess of having to sell and move back home.

davyjose

But of course, if things don't work out, you have your cushy little pad to fall back on.
Perhaps your Other Half feels that you are hedging your bets a little. After all, if you were fully intent on commiting to a future with her, you'd have no problem sharing assets with her (like, say, an apartment). But clearly after 4 years you don't feel that way. What do you think that says to her?

LegacyUser

davyjose wrote: »

But of course, if things don't work out, you have your cushy little pad to fall back on.
Perhaps your Other Half feels that you are hedging your bets a little. After all, if you were fully intent on commiting to a future with her, you'd have no problem sharing assets with her (like, say, an apartment). But clearly after 4 years you don't feel that way. What do you think that says to her?

well as the old saying goes "if you want to get to know me, come live with me" i suppose i am hedging my bets, as i posted earlier i just dont want the mess of having to sort out joint ownership if we split. Im fully committed in every other way, im still an individual, i still have the right to do this dont i

Wurly

Ah he's still a young guy though.

Just because he's not willing to shack up, doesn't mean that he's not committed.

If he explains that its about his need for space and not anything to do with the relationship, then I cant see a problem.

Would it not be worse to move in when he's not ready and f*ck the whole relationship up?

They've been together 4 years without living together and its been just fine. If it ain't broke....

OP - just explain your intent to move in together down the line, acknowledge how it may come across but reassure that this isn't the case.

Esel

I'd rent for a year at least. Prices have not hit bottom by a long shot.

Big_Mac

OP, I think what you are doing is a bold statement about you and your life. It can very easily, and I think it has in this situation be interpreted as the fact that you are moving out and on with your life, and you are doing it without your girlfriend.

You are together for four years. Its not for me to say, but I think that if you are flying the coop now you should be moving in with your GF.

Put yourself in her shoes, how would you interpret what was being done, and more importantly - without you.

daisy123

I think if my boyfriend decided to move out to is own place without discussing it first I would be pretty mad. I'm with mine now for 4 years, and if he sat down tomorrow and told me he was moving out, I'd be questioning his motives. I'm not saying you have issues, but it probably comes across this way to her.

Sit down with her, explain why you feel you have to do it and that you see the two of you moving in eventually in the near future.

Why don't you want to live with her though after four years if you don't mind me asking?

LegacyUser

esel wrote: »

I'd rent for a year at least. Prices have not hit bottom by a long shot.

yeah i thought someone might bring this up. to be honest, were im buying i cant see the house price falling that much as its more or less in the city, that said...you never know!

Wurly

THe OP used the word 'considering' when talking about buying his own apartment.

He hasn't made the decision without his girlfriend. He has thought about it and told her of his thoughts.

Big_Mac

Tri wrote: »

THe OP used the word 'considering' when talking about buying his own apartment.

He hasn't made the decision without his girlfriend. He has thought about it and told her of his thoughts.

Yes, but its the fact that the OP is considering doing it all on his own without even considering or involving his partner thats the problem

LegacyUser

daisy123 wrote: »

I think if my boyfriend decided to move out to is own place without discussing it first I would be pretty mad. I'm with mine now for 4 years, and if he sat down tomorrow and told me he was moving out, I'd be questioning his motives. I'm not saying you have issues, but it probably comes across this way to her.

Sit down with her, explain why you feel you have to do it and that you see the two of you moving in eventually in the near future.

Why don't you want to live with her though after four years if you don't mind me asking?

ive never lived alone. ive always live with my parents, i just need some space thats all. i dont have any motives. im just not ready to make the financial commitment with her yet. I feel like i dont know myself because ive been couped up in alittle bedroom for 27 years.

davyjose

Tri wrote: »

Ah he's still a young guy though.

Youngish

Seriously, the problem I find with it is that he wants to move on, but not with his gf - he wants to keep her exactly where she is. And at 27 and after 4 years, that's a kick in the teeth IMO.

Wurly

I disagree. We all consider things in our heads and sometimes we dont act on them, sometimes we do.

What I was saying is that its not like he's made definite plans and told her. He's had a thought and told her of this thought.

If he's not ready to do something, then he shouldn't do it. If its about his space cos he's so young etc and if he relays this honesty to his girlfriend, then I don't see the problem.

However, if there are other problems lurking here, then he should examine what they are and if he is being honest with himself.

If he can definitely see himself moving in with this girl down the line then well and good. If not, well then that isn't fair, of course.

I'm going on the small bit of info I was given from the OP.

Wurly

davyjose wrote: »

Youngish

Seriously, the problem I find with it is that he wants to move on, but not with his gf - he wants to keep her exactly where she is. And at 27 and after 4 years, that's a kick in the teeth IMO.

My bad.:pac:

Extremely young.

Better.:D

Clarins

OP I had this problem with my boyfriend 2 years ago. He was going to buy his own house and actually had done it behind my back. I was extremely hurt at that when I found out and saw it as a betrayal and split up with him a year later over it by which time he saw sense and pulled out of the sale.

You are not going to that extreme and at least your talking to your gf about it but she will still see it as a rejection/betrayal and like you are not factoring her into your future plans. I understand you are in a rush to get out of your parents but you have her and your 4 year relationship to consider, that is if you plan on staying with her, if not then you need to be honest about this.

Could the two of you not rent until you are both in a position to buy? As one poster said there, we haven't seen the end of the price drops yet, you'd kick yourself if you could get an apartment or house 50 or 100 grand cheaper next year and you are only 27 so no rush!

Abi

TheThinker wrote: »

hi,

im considering buying my own apartment, i have a girlfriend of 4 years. I mentioned this to her today and she was none too pleased. I explained that i needed to get out of my parents house as i was fed up living there (im 27 btw). I think she got annoyed because she thought we would move in together, which i have every intention of doing, but i just need to have my own space for awhile, am i being inconsiderate?

No, I dont think so. But after 4yrs she might have thought it was going to be an eventuality. Id say she needs a bit of reassurance. It will probably become a natural progression, if thats what you both want.

I know this is probably an exciting time for you, but shes probably a bit confused at the moment. Keep communication open, that will help her understand.

MagicMarker

Clarins wrote: »

OP I had this problem with my boyfriend 2 years ago. He was going to buy his own house and actually had done it behind my back. I was extremely hurt at that when I found out and saw it as a betrayal and split up with him a year later over it by which time he saw sense and pulled out of the sale.

I think that is the most obsurd thing i have ever heard!!

OP: You do not owe this girl anything, so what if you have been together 4 years, that means sweet FA as far i'm concerned.

You do what you want with your money. I know if i were in your position i would buy my own place, although idealy wait for the prices to drop more so.

Carrigart Exile

davyjose wrote: »

Youngish

Seriously, the problem I find with it is that he wants to move on, but not with his gf - he wants to keep her exactly where she is. And at 27 and after 4 years, that's a kick in the teeth IMO.

He is doing exactly the right thing, he has never lived on his own and its an important part of his development. I take it his girlfriend lives with her parents, why doesn't she move out, get her own place and be on an equal footing.

Carrigart Exile

Clarins wrote: »

OP I had this problem with my boyfriend 2 years ago. He was going to buy his own house and actually had done it behind my back. I was extremely hurt at that when I found out and saw it as a betrayal and split up with him a year later over it by which time he saw sense and pulled out of the sale.

That has to be the most selfish post I have ever read. OP if this is how your girlfriend behaves go ahead with your own plans

c - 13

OP. I'm 24, with the girlfriend with 3 years. Last year I bought a house and am currently in the process of renovating it, originally with the intention to sell it on. During the renovations I decided I liked the place and will move into it for a while, told the girlfriend to move in. Immediately she started going on about our house, our mortgage etc.

Lets just say that she wasnt impressed when I pointed it out that it was my mortgage and that she wouldnt be paying anything. She started going on about it not really being a house for "us" than and all this crap. She's come around to the idea now but still isn't 100% happy about it I reckon.

Moral of the story, nothing really i guess, just wanted to show you your not alone. Buy the apartment if thats what you want to do, dont let her stop you.

davyjose

MagicMarker wrote: »

OP: You do not owe this girl anything, so what if you have been together 4 years, that means sweet FA as far i'm concerned.

You honestly think a 4 year relationship means nothing? Wow, that's fairly cold man.

pretty*monster

MagicMarker wrote: »

OP: You do not owe this girl anything, so what if you have been together 4 years, that means sweet FA as far i'm concerned.

Yeah but if the OP feels like this about his gf then she certainly has a right to be hurt, and he should probably reconsider his relationship with her.

davyjose

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

He is doing exactly the right thing, he has never lived on his own and its an important part of his development. I take it his girlfriend lives with her parents, why doesn't she move out, get her own place and be on an equal footing.

His development? He's not 19; The "development" ship sailed long ago.

Your suggesting that after 4 years approaching their 30's that they both move out and live seperately? I must be missing something about modern relationships. :eek:

MagicMarker

davyjose wrote: »

You honestly think a 4 year relationship means nothing? Wow, that's fairly cold man.

Yeah, because that's exactly what i said isn't it? :rolleyes:

MagicMarker

davyjose wrote: »

His development? He's not 19; The "development" ship sailed long ago.

Your suggesting that after 4 years approaching their 30's that they both move out and live seperately? I must be missing something about modern relationships. :eek:

Define 'modern' relationships?

Are you saying because they've been with each other for 4 years and nearing their 30's, that it's wrong to want to buy your own place rather than all of a sudden shut up shop and play happy families?

The length of a relationship means nothing, there's no defining moment when a couple must live together. Likewise with age.

Right now this guy lives at home and has the means to buy his own place and he is well within his right to do so. His girlfriend should respect that, essentially, nothing would change within the relationship as it is now, other than his dwelling.

What if he wanted to move out of the parents house and rent? Does she have the right to INSIST on them living together then too? Does she have the right to be 'hurt' by him wanting to rent without her? Of course not! It would be ludicrous to think that!

LegacyUser

Look at it from her point of view, if she accepts what the OP has told her.

He plans to move in with her down the line, say in two years, but in the meantime wants to buy and live in his own place.

In two years when they want to move in together, the choices are

1) Rent out the apartment and get somewhere else together
2) Sell the apartment and get somewhere else together
3) She moves into his apartment.

Option 1 is looking very dicey at the moment, there is a huge glut of rentals in the market, rents are coming down, properties are staying on the books for longer. Banks won't lend enough to pay a mortgage on two separate places so they're then looking at renting together. That's the current situation, but the financial outlook over the next two years isn't exactly rosy.

Option 2 is also looking very dicey. Apartment prices in particular are dropping. There are also huge costs and delays associated with buying and selling properties - lawyers fees, estate agents fees, moving costs. He will also have a large selection of furniture to rehome in their new apartment, so she'd have far less input on the decoration etc.

Option 3 basically becomes the most likely scenario and it gives her no choice over where she lives or how big an apartment she lives in. It'll be his place and she'll just be living there.


The OP would be far better off to rent for the next while.

Clarins

MagicMarker & Carrick Exile, you both seem a little emotionally immature. My OH would tell you today that what he did was selfish and deceitful, ignoring our long term relationship in order to better himself, I deserved better than that an so does the OP's girlfriend.

No one is saying she should MAKE him NOT buy an apartment for himself but just realise that if he does this there is a big chance the girl will decide she doesn't see herself in a relationship where her feelings and future are not considered. Taking their age and their 4 year relationship into consideration, it would be wrong of him to ignore her feelings on this and if he chooses to he has to be prepared for the end of the relationship if it means that much to his girlfriend.

I was in that position, I didn't make my OH choose me, he copped on to what he was doing and decided he didn't want the house more than he wanted our relationship to work, that was his decision. How is that selfish??

Wurly

Clarins wrote: »

ignoring our long term relationship in order to better himself, I deserved better than that an so does the OP's girlfriend. I didn't make my OH choose me, he copped on to what he was doing and decided he didn't want the house more than he wanted our relationship to work, that was his decision.

How is the OP 'ignoring' the long term relationship by 'thinking' about buying his own apartment? He wants to move in somewhere by himself first -big deal. He has said that he plans to move in with her eventually.

Also, he shouldn't have to choose his apartment over his relationship and vice versa. He shouldn't feel manipulated into making a choice. There is no choice here. He's just doing what's right for him. Going against himself for the sake of the 'relationship', will just f*ck the whole thing up in the long run anyway. He'l prob feel resentful. A relationship thrives if both parties are happy and allowed be their own people and do their own thing.

Like I said before, everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Iif your boyfriend buying his own place (whilst explaining that he is committed to you and intends to live with you down the line. It's just not the right time for him) impedes on your happiness to the point of breaking up?? Well, maybe you need to look inwards and examine why that is.

BigglesMcGee

OP,
Heres a little story for you. A good few years ago my best friend had been going out with his girlfriend for 2 years. He decided to buy a house (his deposit and his money for the mortgage and everything in the house) and about a year later, they decided to move in together in the house. This was fine for about a year and then they split up (she was seeing someone on the side). She never paid a penny towards anything in the house while she was there.

So to cut a long story short she ended up forcing him to sell the house and split the price received even though he paid 20% up front and the whole mortgage all of the time AND she only lived in the house 50% of the time he had it.

So then herself and the new guy bought another house straight away.

I could tell you lots of other stories but they are all along the lines of. Guy buys house, meets girlfriend, girlfriend moves in for a while. House belongs to both all of a sudden. Some lasted, some didnt.

Moral of the story:
If you are moving in with the girlfriend then split EVERYTHING down the middle. Deposit, Mortgage, furnishings etc. If she doesnt pay make it clear that she is not Living there.

I myself have gone out with a great girl for 5 years in the past and then split up. Just because a relationship is a few years doesnt mean that you will spend your life with this person.
Marraige and children mean stability, rather than just time on the clock.


PS: Any partner worth their salt should be delighted that their other half is making a big step in their own lives and not get selfish about it.

tinkerbell

BigglesMcGee => I can't understand how she forced him to sell if she had no legal entitlement to the house? I'm assuming it wasn't under her name and he had proof that the mortgage was paid from HIS bank account?

I find it very strange that he just handed over half the proceeds, that is absolute MADNESS! I'm sure a solicitor would have sorted that out. It's not like they were married right?!

Clarins

Look I don't want to mix up my situation with this one, they are slightly different in that me any my OH were living together for years before this came about and I took more offence to what he did cos the next step would have been us BUYING a place TOGETHER whereas the next step for these two is living together for the first time so I'll leave that there.

But what I'm saying to the OP here is that I can understand things from his gf's point of view. She will certainly resent him & feel hurt because he's thinking of doing this, whether she sees the reasoning behind it or not, any girl at that stage in a long term relationship is thinking along the lines of "when will we move in together", maybe not buying but renting a place, the fact that he is jumping ahead and talking about actually buying a place means to her that he's not even prepared to try and live with her, he's 27 and while that's young, it is old enough to know what you want out of life and out of a 4 year relationship. I'm just giving him some insight into a girls mind, whether you think it's crazy or not this is how we think!

Of course I can see his point too, he has every right to buy a place and I know what it's like to want to move out of your parents, you can get desparate to just do it, but he obviously loves his gf and wouldn't be posting here if he wasn't concerned about her feelings on it too, I think he realises that it may be a dealbreaker for her if he goes ahead and does it, and that's her right too nothing to do with manipulating him, just a fact about whether she's prepared to stay with him or split up if he does it.

My advise (and what would I know?!) to you OP would be to explain to your gf that you are only thinking of doing this cos you're desparate to move out and want your own space away from your parents but that you love her and see you two having a future together (if you do obviously). Just reassure her as much as possible and try to come up with a solution together. It could be that she may not be ready to move in with you (although I doubt that after 4 years) but just thinks that you buying an apartment is a jump over her and she wants it to be something you both do together when the time is right and maybe she feels that you are factoring her out of your future plans, that's what it boils down to in her head, I can almost guarantee you of that.

You'd be mad to buy now as I said so maybe you could take advantage of the fact that your girlfriend could rent a place with you and you could both see if living together is a good idea and if you are compatible before you take the big step of buying together. You get to move out of your parents, she gets another level of commitment from you and feels you both have a shot at a future together, everyone's happy!

TheThinker

TheThinker wrote: »

hi,

im considering buying my own apartment, i have a girlfriend of 4 years. I mentioned this to her today and she was none too pleased. I explained that i needed to get out of my parents house as i was fed up living there (im 27 btw). I think she got annoyed because she thought we would move in together, which i have every intention of doing, but i just need to have my own space for awhile, am i being inconsiderate?

If you're moving out for the first time , then I definitely agree doing it on your own first is a better idea
but... renting might be a better idea, so that once you're out there you might consider buying with her

littlebug

Clarins wrote: »

You'd be mad to buy now as I said so maybe you could take advantage of the fact that your girlfriend could rent a place with you and you could both see if living together is a good idea and if you are compatible before you take the big step of buying together. You get to move out of your parents, she gets another level of commitment from you and feels you both have a shot at a future together, everyone's happy!

Except the OP because as he said in the first post he wants his own space for a while.

star-pants

Just my opinion,

I live at home, and if I were dating someone and they wanted to buy their own place then I wouldn't really have issue. If we got to the point of wanting to move in together (both of us) then that's a bridge to cross when you get there. I would understand the want for personal space, and first time living alone you need to learn things, not have someone move in with you, you want to be able to stand on your own two feet.

The gf can still see him / stay over / visit etc, so it won't change any of that. I don't think the OP should be made guilty for wanting to have a bit of space and try living on his own.
If it was a case that they'd discussed moving in together and then he went and got a place 'of his own' that's different. But he just decided he wants out of his parents place.
IF he were living alone when he met her and 4 years later she'd not moved in would that be an issue? no. Relationships progress at their own time, and both parties have to be comfortable with the changes.

BigglesMcGee

tinkerbell wrote: »

BigglesMcGee => I can't understand how she forced him to sell if she had no legal entitlement to the house? I'm assuming it wasn't under her name and he had proof that the mortgage was paid from HIS bank account?

I find it very strange that he just handed over half the proceeds, that is absolute MADNESS! I'm sure a solicitor would have sorted that out. It's not like they were married right?!

This was after it went through the legal system. Solicitors were involved. Im not sure of the full details, but it turned out that she was now a co-owner based on the fact that she lived there and they were an item. Therefore she was invested in the home even though not paying directly. She even said that they planned to have children and all that sh!te

MysticalSoul

Yeah, the law changed a few years back, so that co-habiting couples had the same rights as married coupled. I think the minimum length of time to be co-habiting was six months, but was definitely 12 months anyway.

CathyMoran

I was in that position a few years ago, we had a horrible split and I had living with him for years in what I considered to be our place. I asked for legal advice and was told that I was entitled to money back off him. In the end I could not go through with it as I wanted to leave with my head held high, just as well as we got back together and are now very happily married.

To the OP, you have every right to buy your own place but just be very careful that your gf does not spend too much time in yours as she may have a legal entitlement to the place. Now is not the best time to buy in any case as I believe that house prices are still dropping and have a fair bit to go, maybe you could consider renting for a while with your gf and see how the two of you get on? I was in a similar situation to your gf a few years ago except we were engaged and I admit that I wanted to move in with my bf but looking back it was not the best idea as I kept on delaying our wedding.

Carrigart Exile

Clarins wrote: »

MagicMarker & Carrick Exile, you both seem a little emotionally immature. My OH would tell you today that what he did was selfish and deceitful, ignoring our long term relationship in order to better himself, I deserved better than that an so does the OP's girlfriend.

No one is saying she should MAKE him NOT buy an apartment for himself but just realise that if he does this there is a big chance the girl will decide she doesn't see herself in a relationship where her feelings and future are not considered. Taking their age and their 4 year relationship into consideration, it would be wrong of him to ignore her feelings on this and if he chooses to he has to be prepared for the end of the relationship if it means that much to his girlfriend.

I was in that position, I didn't make my OH choose me, he copped on to what he was doing and decided he didn't want the house more than he wanted our relationship to work, that was his decision. How is that selfish??

You know just because you got your own way doesn't mean it wan't selfish. I love the emotionally immature tag, jeezo an auld married man having raised two weans and I am immature. I feel so young I may click my heels together, actually not with my back:eek:

marti101

TheThinker wrote: »

ive never lived alone. ive always live with my parents, i just need some space thats all. i dont have any motives. im just not ready to make the financial commitment with her yet. I feel like i dont know myself because ive been couped up in alittle bedroom for 27 years.

I think hes right to spread his wings a little before living with his gf.She will be mostly there anyway so it doesnt really make a difference.Hes only 27 plenty of time to move in with the gf in anyway the decision is yours. If he moved in with the gf and expected her to take his mas place people here would be telling you to live on your own,i think your right to be cautious .Live on your own enjoy your freedom cause your a long time dead or married whichever comes 1st

LegacyUser

hi,

I didnt expect to get so many replies, thanks for all the time taken. just some more info, she is renting at the moment and will not have the money for a deposit for at least 18 months. i have no problems with her moving in with me in say 12 months time which at that point i either sell up and buy with her, or she buys her own place and we live in one and rent the other, or what ever options are available at the time. You see im trying to this as best i can without her thinking im not committed. I long and short of it is, i need to do this. ill crack up otherwise.

LegacyUser

also i just like to add, there aren't darker issues lurking here, its simply me wanting my own place. i suppose people will think renting with her for awhile to find out if we can live together will avoid the hassle of sorting out a joint ownership home should we break up. but i guess thats the stubborn side of me, i just dont like that idea of throwing money away on rent, when i dont have to

davyjose

TheThinker wrote: »

hi,

I didnt expect to get so many replies, thanks for all the time taken. just some more info, she is renting at the moment and will not have the money for a deposit for at least 18 months. i have no problems with her moving in with me in say 12 months time which at that point i either sell up and buy with her, or she buys her own place and we live in one and rent the other, or what ever options are available at the time. You see im trying to this as best i can without her thinking im not committed. I long and short of it is, i need to do this. ill crack up otherwise.

I didn't realise she had a bit more independence than you. That would swing me to be honest - it's not fair of her to expect you to remain at home, when she isn't, and has a freedom you don't. She after all made her choice to spend her money on rent. Fair enough.

Amazotheamazing

Don't listen to her, you're a grown man who's never lived out of home.

If she wants to be involved, let her pay her 50%, if not, your money, your rules.

Maybe you'll get married, maybe you won't, but until you are sure, don't mix relationship with finances.

Esel

TheThinker wrote: »

I just dont like that idea of throwing money away on rent, when i dont have to

If prices keep falling, and they surely will, you won't be throwing money away. Also, if you buy a place then sell it to buy another, you will have to pay all the associated costs twice, as well as possibly incurring extra stamp duty costs (not too well up on such things as first time buyer's grant, stamp duty exemptions etc.).

Imo, you would be crazy to buy now. Rent, then buy when prices have dropped a good bit more.

Clarins

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

You know just because you got your own way doesn't mean it wan't selfish. I love the emotionally immature tag, jeezo an auld married man having raised two weans and I am immature. I feel so young I may click my heels together, actually not with my back:eek:

And just because your an ould fella, doesn't mean you can't be immature and emotionally stunted in your views

Anyhoo OP, your latest post puts a bit of a different spin on things, your girlfriend already has a freedom you desperately need at the moment but she doesn't see that lots of reassurance from you is needed I think and she'll come round hopefully. You seem to be considering her with regard to your future alright so I suppose she should cut you some slack.

However I still think you'd be mad to buy now, just consider all your options first cos say you bought an apartment and it depreciated in value and you had a negative equity situation or you couldn't sell. If you guys then needed more space than an apartment, you'd be stuck there for god know's how long. I get what you're saying about renting being a waste but it might be worth it for a while (and for your sanity?!)?

echosound

Id seriously think about renting rather than buying, as renting is actually cheaper than having a mortgage on a similar property right now (the house I rent - per month it currently costs me approx. a third of what it would cost were I to get a mortgage to buy it, as I've checked it out). What about the interest paid on a mortgage, that is "money down the drain" too you know.
Rent for a while, save the difference between what the rent and a mortgage is, and you have a far biger chunk of money to put down as a deposit when you do buy, leaving you able to either go for a bigger house, or a smaller mortgage.

Also, the market is still falling, so you could very well be in negative equity soon,and unable to sell up at all. Even if you do manage to sell up, you will have lost your first time buyer's position, so won't be able to avail of that again. You will also have all the associated costs of solicitor's fees, estate agent's fees, etc, whereas if you decide to rent for a year or two, see how its' going with herself, and then decide you do want to move in with her, it will be a heck of a lot easier. All you need going into renting a place is a deposit plus a month's rent,and coming out of the rental agreement you will have incurred no costs, and will get your deposit back, free to move forward with buying a place together, with your first time buyer's status intact for both of you.

You may find you hate apartment living too (some people love it, some hate it, and you'll only find out by experiencing it) and at least if you are renting,you are free to move elsewhere pretty easily. Not so easy if you've bought the place.

Get out, rent and have your own space, and you can always decide to buy anyway even in a few month's time (most rental agreements in my experience start at 6 months and than you choose to renew for a further 6 or a year, or whatever).

SarahMc

+1
Tis only a fool would buy an apartment in this market.

By all means move out from your parents house and rent (about time too). Then you and gf will be on equal footing. Give yourself, the relationship and the market 12 months. Things will be very different then.