attracted to a girl at work

PCB

i have recently started a new job where i have met this really nice girl who i cant stop thinking about. The only problem is i am going out with a girl for 2 and a half years and up until now have not really seen a girl in this light before. i dont know what this means can you really fall out of love that quickly. im still very much in love with my gf but this new girl just wont get out of my head. im pretty sure she feels the same way too. i honestly dont know what to do!! has anyone had this problem before??advice??

Karen_*

Well from what you say you haven't actually fallen out of love with your girlfriend. It sounds to me like you fancy this girl and are getting a buzz from it because you know she fancies you back. You need to weigh things up though. There will always be people you're attracted to and you can't just run off with every one of them. So if you really do love your girlfriend and are mad about her then make your decision based on that and be friendly with the other girl but not flirty.

Kitty_N

A lot of people get these confused feelings when they first start working in a 9-5 job. Being in a confined space with attractive members of the opposite sex all day can sometimes mess with your brain and make you think that you are developing feelings that you'd never even consider in the outside world.

Just because you find another girl attractive doesn't mean your relationship is over, it's perfectly normal to feel like this every once in a while. But sexual attraction does not mean that this office girl is right for you.

The best thing to do is be polite to this other girl but do not engage in flirting, drop your girlfriends name a few times and she should get the hint. In the meantime bring your girlfriend out for a nice dinner and you'll soon see that you have a lot more in common with her than some randomer.

PCB

i knwo what ur saying but its not like i haven't found other girls attractive before. this is different. she is off this week and i actually cant wiat for monday because she will be back. i dunno it kinda feels like at the start of a relationship when you just cant get enough of the person. its drving me crazeeeeeee

forestfruits

Sounds like you are looking for someone to say "ya go on ahead flirt and so what you want" Are you looking for permission? Is this your longest relationship?

Kitty_N

This is different from just thinking a girl is attractive because you see this one every day. I bet in the mundane boredom of work she seems like a great laugh and that you have loads in common.

A friend of mine was in a very similar situation and actually broke up with her boyfriend of four years for her work guy. She immediately started a relationship with office boy and she said that as soon as the sexual tension and the "we shouldn't be doing this" feeling was gone she realised what she had done. He turned out to be clingy and jealous and all she wants is her old boyfriend back but he has found someone new.

If you are considering cheating on your girlfriend then you need to remove yourself from the situation and stop engaging in conversation with this girl altogether (aside from obligatory work talk). Imagine how hurt your girlfriend would be if she even knew you were posting about this, nevermind the hurt it would cause if you went through with it.

PCB

look i completely agree. and im tbh im not looking for permission. If i wanted to do it i would have already. i guess what im really asking is do people in long term realtionships really stay totally in love forever are do they still think they are in love because that is what they have become accustomed too? How can you possibly know that someone is the one when at any possible stage in your life someone new can come in and completely change your perspective on the whole love bubble??????

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

look i completely agree. and im tbh im not looking for permission. If i wanted to do it i would have already. i guess what im really asking is do people in long term realtionships really stay totally in love forever are do they still think they are in love because that is what they have become accustomed too? How can you possibly know that someone is the one when at any possible stage in your life someone new can come in and completely change your perspective on the whole love bubble??????

What you need to do mate is decide is this love or is this lust. You say you recently started your new job so i'm assuming this office girl is new in your life and on a regular basis. The difference between love and lust is that if you were to imagine 50 years down the line, when this physical attraction is no longer an issue, would you still like to be with this girl.

Which one do you see yourself staying with all your life?

PCB

this is exactly my point. how at this stage in my life ami meant to make a decision like that. how can anybody?? lif changes so much that decisions we make today often have little relevance to our futures.....my proirities right now are different. what if i am making the wrong decision by staying with my current gf? what if we stay together and in 10 years i meet someone who i am way more compatible with? im just struggling to understand if love is actually a real thing or is it just stronger levels of sexual attractiveness

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

this is exactly my point. how at this stage in my life ami meant to make a decision like that. how can anybody?? lif changes so much that decisions we make today often have little relevance to our futures.....my proirities right now are different. what if i am making the wrong decision by staying with my current gf? what if we stay together and in 10 years i meet someone who i am way more compatible with? im just struggling to understand if love is actually a real thing or is it just stronger levels of sexual attractiveness

This shouldn't be that hard. trust me, if you get to know them any length of time, you will be aware of what traits they have that you like and dislike. I've known some STUNNING girls but they wouldn't be long term material for me. You can't plan ahead for someone you think is more compatable with you, but a relationship isn't just founded on how compatable you are. it also is built through your experiences together and everything the two of you have been through as a couple

PCB

PCB wrote: »

look i completely agree. and im tbh im not looking for permission. If i wanted to do it i would have already. i guess what im really asking is do people in long term realtionships really stay totally in love forever are do they still think they are in love because that is what they have become accustomed too? How can you possibly know that someone is the one when at any possible stage in your life someone new can come in and completely change your perspective on the whole love bubble??????

having a crush on someone or lusting after them does not (necessarily) in any way mean you are not in love with your gf. being in a relationship doesn't make you blind or stupid to other people.
give it time; if it's a crush it will pass
and remember why you love your gf

ofc, if you feel you don't love her anymore this may be a wake up call to that
only you know your feelings really

PCB

yes but is that love? sometimes i think relationships are built on the fact that people 'go out' together long enough that it becomes easier to stay together than to break up. yet i am to meet any man that has not cheated on his other half. i dont believe that men can fall in love in the conventional sense. we just dont have the emotional database to 100% attach to someone in that way.

who's yer one?

teeny bit of advice-- i went through that, but from the side of your girl in work. does she know you've a girlfriend? cos in my situation i was led on for a long time before he told me and it damn near killed me, it went on too long to even keep it at friend level. so if you think she likes you, let her know you're taken,just drop the girlfriend into conversations here+ there, regardless of what you plan on doing. it'll be less messy that way.

x

hockeygirl

Red is right... this is pure lust.

Its perfectly normal to lust after someone...

You daydream all day about what it would be like to be with that person.... You get nervous when you see them.... dissappointed when you dont.

Ive been with my boyf for 5yrs and Ive lusted for maybe 3 other guys in that time. But I'm IN LOVE with my boyf.

I know the diff between the 2 becuase I broke up with a guy over lust.... and Ive regretted it every day until I met my beau

Lust keeps you on your toes..... makes life and work exciting and dangerous... dangerous only if you do something stupid.

Get your head out of your pants and think of what you will lose if dont!

you need to bring some excitement back into your relationship. Go away with your girlfirend for a weekend and remember why you are with her and love her.

You'll eventually get over your lust and become bored with it

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

yes but is that love? sometimes i think relationships are built on the fact that people 'go out' together long enough that it becomes easier to stay together than to break up. yet i am to meet any man that has not cheated on his other half. i dont believe that men can fall in love in the conventional sense. we just dont have the emotional database to 100% attach to someone in that way.

I've never cheated on an other half. you now know one guy that didn't.
You may be right about your views in YOUR situation, but i do know many people who stayed with people all their lives and were deliriously happy the whole way through it

PCB

i know im gonna get slated for this but here goes: the only reason any man has not cheated on his other half is beacause no girl has given him the oppurtunity. its easy to say no once or twice but any normal guy will taste some forbidden fruit at one time or another. AND LADIES I MEAN EVERY!!!!! that doesnt mean that your guy does not love you but he lacks the ability to say no because he is a man and that is what men do

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

i know im gonna get slated for this but here goes: the only reason any man has not cheated on his other half is beacause no girl has given him the oppurtunity. its easy to say no once or twice but any normal guy will taste some forbidden fruit at one time or another. AND LADIES I MEAN EVERY!!!!! that doesnt mean that your guy does not love you but he lacks the ability to say no because he is a man and that is what men do

WRONG! a guy who does do this is weak-willed and severely lacking in understanding. You are probably a young lad and evidently after having a poor set of role models.

Time to grow up

hockeygirl

Ok .... you're an idiot.

You dont deserve that girlfiend at all..... and whats the crap about... the girl not giving her fella the opportunity to cheat... get over yourself.

Dont blame girls for your own weakness.

If thats what men do,.... then their not men at all... you certainly fall into that catagory!

And I wouldnt be worried about what wopmen think Id be more worried about how your slating every other guy out there


As a REAL man just said (RedXIV)
"Time to grow up!!!"

PCB

listen RED...maybe girls are not attracted to you and thats fine (q the '' oh loads of girls fancy me but i never would'') but any young attractive guy with a healthy social life will have found himself at one time or another eating over the fence!! i garuantee you if you walked down grafton street took a sample size of 50 young medium to good looking guys with gf and put them on a lie detector test not one of them would come out smelling like roses. Men are fuelled by testosterone that is why they cheat not because they dont 'love' someone

Erica-smiley

PCB wrote: »

i knwo what ur saying but its not like i haven't found other girls attractive before. this is different. she is off this week and i actually cant wiat for monday because she will be back. i dunno it kinda feels like at the start of a relationship when you just cant get enough of the person. its drving me crazeeeeeee

Oh my god the same thing thing happened to me! I'm with my boyfriend a year and a half but there was a bloke in work that I got on with soooo well and everytime I was going into work I couldnt wait to see him!
The way I got over it was to just not talk to him as much... unless you're not into your girlfriend which it sounds like you are!
Hope that helps x

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

listen RED...maybe girls are not attracted to you and thats fine (q the '' oh loads of girls fancy me but i never would'') but any young attractive guy with a healthy social life will have found himself at one time or another eating over the fence!! i garuantee you if you walked down grafton street took a sample size of 50 young medium to good looking guys with gf and put them on a lie detector test not one of them would come out smelling like roses. Men are fuelled by testosterone that is why they cheat not because they dont 'love' someone

It's possible girls don't find me attractive, that doesn't bother me. What does bother me is the fact you have this warped view of the world that guys can get away with cheating simply because we have hormones. Yes i can understand lusting after others, this is natural, this can't be helped but someone who genuinely believes that every guy in the world cheats is in for some serious shocks in life and is probably not going to last long in a relationship.

I'm not bashing you OP, i'm trying to help you. I WANT you to understand that you have an inaccurate view in life. 95% of my friends have never cheated. guys and girls. Cheating is not as common as you think

PCB

hockey girl im just being realistic. all guys know that other guys cheat sometimes they just dont say it. there is even an unwritten code of ethics about cheating.

most guys will cheat while they are going out with a girl and the majority will stop when they get married and almost all when they have kids.

look im just being honest and anyone who tells you any different is lying to you. end of.

PCB

Red i understand that maybe you socialise with a group where that is not commomplace but did you ever think none of your friends would share should a dark secret with you becasue of your blinkered view on the topic?

i am not sayiongits ok to cheat. its wrong thats why its called cheating!! im just saying is it realistic to think that one person can totally satisfy you for the rest of your life???

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

Red i understand that maybe you socialise with a group where that is not commomplace but did you ever think none of your friends would share should a dark secret with you becasue of your blinkered view on the topic?

i am not sayiongits ok to cheat. its wrong thats why its called cheating!! im just saying is it realistic to think that one person can totally satisfy you for the rest of your life???

Thats another possibility, but considering i've accepted my friends for who they are, not what they do, they'd have no reason to hide these things from me. they've told me worse before.

I suggest if your still in this mentality, stay single. There is no point in you commiting to a relationship if you don't believe in them. Give it a few years and try again. You obviously aren't ready for committment yet

PCB

i know this is a little ouuta left field but bear with me

are you telling me if Jessica Alba asked you for one night with her and no-one would ever find out you would say no???

ams

PCB wrote: »

hockey girl im just being realistic. all guys know that other guys cheat sometimes they just dont say it. there is even an unwritten code of ethics about cheating.

most guys will cheat while they are going out with a girl and the majority will stop when they get married and almost all when they have kids.

look im just being honest and anyone who tells you any different is lying to you. end of.

Tarring all men with the same brush does not make your situation any better.

TBH you sound like you're not ready/too immature to be in a committed relationship. If you were happy with your partner you wouldn't have this doubt in your mind.

At least if you are going to get with the girl from work have the decency to break up with your girlfriend first

Hrududu

listen RED...maybe girls are not attracted to you and thats fine

You sound really young. You seem to think that Red is in the minority and is mixing with a group of strange people that don't cheat on their girlfriends/wives. Have you considered that it is you that is mixing in the minority group? Not all men cheat. And its not because women don't give them the opportunity and its not because they are ugly. When you grow up a little you will see this for yourself.

Actually re-reading this thread it sounds like you are saying you have cheated in the past. It would account for your insistance that all men do it.

hockeygirl

PCB wrote: »

hockey girl im just being realistic. all guys know that other guys cheat sometimes they just dont say it. there is even an unwritten code of ethics about cheating.

most guys will cheat while they are going out with a girl and the majority will stop when they get married and almost all when they have kids.

look im just being honest and anyone who tells you any different is lying to you. end of.

MOST guys... ok so now youve changed it from every guy.

The world is not perfect ... people are not perfect.... hell women are not perfect (hard to believe I know!)


But I know myself if I ever got to the stage where I wanted to be with someone else then I know its time to be free and single.

But this isnt a discussion about who cheats and how often... this is about you coming on here looking to justify yourself.
Because going by your posts it looks like youve already made if your mind - you are going to cheat regardless of what people say.

So go ahead.... indulge yourself.... taste that forbidden fruit... its what you really want. I hope it all works out for you.

aye

PCB wrote: »

hockey girl im just being realistic. all guys know that other guys cheat sometimes they just dont say it. there is even an unwritten code of ethics about cheating.

most guys will cheat while they are going out with a girl and the majority will stop when they get married and almost all when they have kids.

look im just being honest and anyone who tells you any different is lying to you. end of.

mate i know plenty of guy who have cheated and plenty who havent and never would myself included.
dont generalise all guy as cheaters because you want to cheat on your girlfriend and you want the excuse of "i have testosterone" to do it.
get a hold on yourself.

some guys cheats, some dont, simple as. you cant say all do, that just ridculous.

PCB

ams and hrududu what age roughly are you guys??

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

i know this is a little ouuta left field but bear with me

are you telling me if Jessica Alba asked you for one night with her and no-one would ever find out you would say no???

I'm single so of course i'd say yes.

But if i was in a relationship, i'd say no. Whats so hard to believe. she's just a woman, like all the rest of them. If i'm in a relationship, then thats a pretty big deal to me. And i'd treat them with the respect i'd like to be treated with. and a portion of that would be i'd expect them not to cheat. If they couldn't respect that, fair enough, we'll go our seperate ways but if she can respect that, then who am i to break it? Not a man anyway. I'm not quite sure what category you'd fall in, but trust me, no one here is going to call you a fully mature man.

You've still time to grow mate, it'll all make sense someday. till then, take the advice given here and don't cheat. It works out better in the end

PCB

you're single....that figures;)

ams

pcb wrote: »

ams And Hrududu What Age Roughly Are You Guys??

25

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

you're single....that figures;)

Welcome to the world of maturity my friend. Ridiculous as this may seem to you, being single does not imply an inability to attract women.

I'm simply stating the facts of civilisation that you have remarkably missed in your youth. You can't goad me into an argument, if anything i'm only feeling pity for your gf. A real man would let her go if he was thinking of sleeping with other women. I'll let you decide what you want to be known as....

PCB

here is a decent view across a nice range of ages and social situations. I play rugby with a Div 1 team. i train with about 40-45 guys during the year. they range from 18-35ish. some single, some married, some engaged, some with gf's. 100% of those men have cheated over the last 2 years and i mean 100%. Some of them will swear blue murder that they never have yet we have seen them with our own eyes. thye are exactly the type of guys that are on here trying to feel better about themselves by pretending they are little angels.

i am not justifying this or saying it is ok i personally believe that two people especially where a man is one of those cannot stay faithful forever

forestfruits

Ill go back to what I originally said - you are just looking for someone to say go on ahead!

you should just break up with your girlfriend, not that that is news to you, you already know thats what you should do and your basically looking for us to tell you that thats the right thing for you. It has nothing to do with this girl at work, your just bored you want to cheat, or be with someone else. The only reason i can see for you being so defensive about poor men and their testosterone making them do things they know they shouldnt, is that you have proviously been a cheater and are heading that direction again.

Get over yourself, and go do the necessary

aye

PCB wrote: »

you're single....that figures;)

:rolleyes:

are you saying he's single because he doesnt cheat.
this is getting ridiculous!

why would you want to cheat anyway?
whats the point in being in a relationship if your going to cheat?
why would you want to hurt someone who you are meant to care about?

i dont understand it, prob never will.

maybe mate you should use all that testosterone and do some weight lifting or something, might calm you down a bit.

PCB

Red please don't try and condescend. your singledome by consequence is becoming ever more aparent

aye

PCB wrote: »

here is a decent view across a nice range of ages and social situations. I play rugby with a Div 1 team. i train with about 40-45 guys during the year. they range from 18-35ish. some single, some married, some engaged, some with gf's. 100% of those men have cheated over the last 2 years and i mean 100%. Some of them will swear blue murder that they never have yet we have seen them with our own eyes. thye are exactly the type of guys that are on here trying to feel better about themselves by pretending they are little angels.

i am not justifying this or saying it is ok i personally believe that two people especially where a man is one of those cannot stay faithful forever

wow a rugby team. 22 guys, must mean all men cheat!

PCB

aye wrote: »

:rolleyes:

are you saying he's single because he doesnt cheat.
this is getting ridiculous!

why would you want to cheat anyway?
whats the point in being in a relationship if your going to cheat?
why would you want to hurt someone who you are meant to care about?

i dont understand it, prob never will.

maybe mate you should use all that testosterone and do some weight lifting or something, might calm you down a bit.

how on earth could i be saying he is single because he does not cheat? if you are not able to keep up don't bother replying

PCB

aye wrote: »

wow a rugby team. 22 guys, must mean all men cheat!

once again i said 40-45 guys. do try and keep up. ill do you out little footnotes if you need it?

RedXIV

PCB wrote: »

Red please don't try and condescend. your singledome by consequence is becoming ever more aparent

Very well, i'll leave you be after this post. As i've said many times before, i don't come here to judge, just to help. I'm trying to make you into a better person with a greater set of ethics and morals. I'm trying to teach you respect and above all, i'm tryin to stop you from ending up believing that the 45 guys you play rugby with are a shining example of humanity.

If you fully believed yourself when you said you didn't condone cheating or believe anything justified it, it doesn't say much for your strength of character that you can't stand by your beliefs.

Best of Luck

Red

forestfruits

why so defensive??

yet again, log off and go do the necessary!!

PCB

what a muppet;)

aye

PCB wrote: »

how on earth could i be saying he is single because he does not cheat? if you are not able to keep up don't bother replying

thats how you implied it mate, with your "that figures" line.

oh 40 to 45 guy ,i stand corrected, i suppose that does mean that every man cheats :rolleyes:

the fact that people are completely disagreeing with you should maybe indicate that people aren't black and white mate.
yeh some guys cheat, some women cheat too, then some, and i'd say most, dont cheat.

Karen_*

PCB wrote: »

listen RED...maybe girls are not attracted to you and thats fine (q the '' oh loads of girls fancy me but i never would'') but any young attractive guy with a healthy social life will have found himself at one time or another eating over the fence!! i garuantee you if you walked down grafton street took a sample size of 50 young medium to good looking guys with gf and put them on a lie detector test not one of them would come out smelling like roses. Men are fuelled by testosterone that is why they cheat not because they dont 'love' someone

Looking over the fence is alot different to actually cheating. Men might be testosterone fueled but they also have a brain and a choice and there are loads of decent men around. Not all men cheat. Not even the majority do. But you obviously would. Oh and by the way if all other men put their hand in a fire would you do same?

hockeygirl

PCB wrote: »

what a muppet;)

Sorry mate... looks like the consensus shows that the only muppet here is you....

have a nice life.... I pity the fool who gets stuck with you she'll have a miserable life

PCB

seriuosly i think you live a very sheltered life in Dawsons Creek or someplace if you believe that. just because a couple of guys on a board say they dont cheat (probably because they have taken a serous beating with the ugly stick or cant get near a girl) does not change the way of the world over.

Kitty_N

I think this thread should be locked since the OP seems incapable of heeding the advice of anyone.

You came on here asking for advice and you were giving advice, very sound advice I think.

Yet you continue to claim that people are wrong and you are right. You have more than a few people on here telling you that you need to review your way of thinking but you refuse to pay attention.

You never wanted advice, you just wanted someone to come on here to tell you that you have a god given right to cheat on your girlfriend. Well you don't. And you never will have. Regardless of what you have done in the past (as it seems you have already cheated), it is not a free ticket to treat another person like they are worthless.

You don't love your girlfriend because if you did then we wouldn't be having this argument. I have no doubt that she believes that you are someone you are not (say, nice, caring, considerate of her feelings). You are none of those things so I think you should show her your true colours and allow her to move on with her life.

aye

PCB wrote: »

seriuosly i think you live a very sheltered life in Dawsons Creek or someplace if you believe that. just because a couple of guys on a board say they dont cheat (probably because they have taken a serous beating with the ugly stick or cant get near a girl) does not change the way of the world over.

god, you sound so much like a little blackrock boy or something.

i pity your girlfriend i really do.

ams

and your maturity continues to shine though.:rolleyes: