G/F Troubles :(

Mick K

Right.....
Im 23 and my gf is 22,we met on 26th december a year and half ago...
we met through friends and tbh I had my eye on her for ages but always thought she'd never look my way.
so xmas eve we all met in a bar for drinks and as it happened we got chatting,got on really great.She asked where I was going on stephens night and i said x club she said cool ye never know might see ye there.
I thought nothing of it at all as I still thought god she'd never give me a chance.
So 26th came and towards the end of the night I see this gorgeous girl looking around the club:)
So the night ended and we started chatting again and boom she kissed me....
You should have seen the smile I had going to bed that night.....
So to cut things short,We started a relationship...
It was something like you'd see in a fairy tale,we were crazy bout each other,we did everything together,share the same interests ,danced in clubs together,went to croke park together,we were in Paris after just four months and thats when I fell totally in love with her.

So to carry on right up to xmas just gone I suppose you could say I looked after her pretty well,Anything she saw and said she couldnt afford I was sure to go back another day and get it,She sold her car to buy another but couldnt find one she liked so I gave her one of mine with free tax insurance and petrol.(I didnt mind and still dont,I wanted to give her the world)
Basically I was there for anything she needed and I refused to let her do anything for me as she was the lady.So xmas came and things were still going well seeing alot of each other(I think now it was too much).She got on great with my family which was super.

So after xmas things started going a little pear shaped......around febuary she wanted to go back playing basketball after getting a hard time from the girls last year on the team which she had said she wouldnt put herself in for again,I argued for her to take up something else and she still went back I realise I was wrong for argueing but I was just thinking about her.
Then she wanted to take up weight watchers which I didnt really mind I thought her body was in fantastic shape anyway....
So slowly but surely we started seein less and less of each other,She only wanted to go to the cinema on weekends rather than going for a drink or meal or bowling say.....
So as we drifted apart we started argueing as I wasnt happy with not getting to see her(Yes I prob was wrong)
She wanted a break,said she still loved me and wasnt going to see other people but still wanted space....
so for a month the only contact we had was txt or calls....
it shattered me completely:(
Im absolutly crazy about the girl so I had to ask her to try with me again,
so the first night we went out we went to the cinema,went ok but still not great,second night was for a meal and that went great went for a drink after too but since then we keep fighting about when next we get to see each other,I just want some time to put things back happy and the way it was,Shes a little childish and wont really talk about problems,Like when we were fighting I said some stuff I shoudnt have said and she also said things to hurt me.
Thing is she wont let it go now and Im prepared to forget about that stuff as it was said in the heat of the moment.
I do really love her and think the world of her and just want to make her happy but Anything I do at the moment is not making her smile.
Ive sent flowers Ive gotten her gifts Ive offered holidays and Now im back giving her more space.....
I think its probably a lost cause at this stage but yet she says she miss's me and still loves me.....
My head is such a mess.
I know we arent together a long time but we have such a spark......what the hell to do..........





sorry for the bad punctuation but im not great on computers

Tigger

yer young she's not as dedicated as you are
breaks never work, find a new girl and don't be so nicev they like a challange its sad but true.

Sherifu

Mick K wrote: »

......what the hell to do..........

If you believe in it, fight for it.

Mick K

Tigger wrote: »

yer young she's not as dedicated as you are
breaks never work, find a new girl and don't be so nicev they like a challange its sad but true.

Im thinking that way but still up in the air

Sherifu wrote: »

If you believe in it, fight for it.

I really do.....
Im in bits

Colonel_McCoy

You have done all you can do, dont try and buy her love with gifts! Doesnt work...... if you are heading for a second break I am afraid its not looking good.

Tigger

if you wanna fight for her you'll need to be tough
try to let her see you are a happy and strong person without her

be a tigger

People like Tigger brighten up your day, though they tend to get on some people’s nerves, especially early in the morning, before you’ve had your coffee, or whatever it is that wakes you up. These people seem to bounce out of bed with smiles on their faces and a spirit of optimism that you’d really like to pour cold water on. Either that or discover the secret to their joy.

You must tip your hat to Tigger, though. His cheerful personality brings out the best in people more times than not. There’s an innocence about Tigger that’s appealing. He claims he can fly, jump farther than a kangaroo, swim, and climb trees, although he never offers any proof. He also claims that Tiggers never get lost, which he never does.

Some might say that Tigger doesn’t live in the real world. Maybe he doesn’t. Some might say that he dreams too much. Maybe he does. Perhaps that’s why he’s such a likable character. Most of us see something in Tigger that’s magnetic. We sense that the real world doesn’t have the same effect on him that it does on almost every one else. Either that or he’s learned to react differently from the rest of us. That’s what endears him to us.

Whatever problems he has, he doesn’t allow them to be become embedded in his psyche or control his mood for very long. He maintains his bounce. In fact, without his bounce he wouldn’t be a Tigger, because “bouncing is what Tiggers do best.”

then she'll feel you'll be missed and want you back
but by the time you're (i know sherfiu's watching) a tigger in full bounce she'll seem less important

jellie

Sherifu wrote: »

If you believe in it, fight for it.

i thought that for awhile & it worked. we got back together. but it ended up the same way anyway. both people need to believe in it & want it for it to work.

OP to be honest you sound like a bit of a doormat. youll do anything for her & youre letting her walk all over you. dont let her to continue to hurt you over & over again, it will tear you apart. sit down with her & talk. either you both make the effort & want it to work or theres no point. it takes 2 people for a relationship to work.

gixerfixer

Breaks never work.Simple as that.I feel the pain man (Ive been there twice)..Let her go and move on to better things would be my best advice

Seraphina

no offence, but i'm going to say it like it is

you're a desperate doormat and thats not attractive.

just stopped seeing someone similar to you. it was like i could do no wrong, and that *really* pissed me off cause i know i'm far from perfect.

he was clingy, needy and sucking up any time of mine he could.

you sound just like him, starting arguments over how often you see eachother etc. always wanting to be by my side and hold my hand and ****. incredibly irritating.

silvine

Be a Tiger? That sounds like a load of self-help mumbo jumbo.

I have to agree with the doormat comments. No one wants someone they can walk all over who wants to give them the "world". It's not a Hollywood movie we are living in.

And just because you might want to fight for it doesn't mean she does. There's a lot of truth in "treat em mean, keep em keen".

RedXIV

silvine wrote: »

Be a Tiger? That sounds like a load of self-help mumbo jumbo.

Maybe, but there's alot to be said for being a Tigger. May sound like rubbish to you but some it that stuff works.

silvine wrote: »

I have to agree with the doormat comments. No one wants someone they can walk all over who wants to give them the "world". It's not a Hollywood movie we are living in.

Too true, watch 6 days 7 nights, was on TV the other day. Nice guy gets blown out of the water by Harrison Ford being his usual rough around the edges self

silvine wrote: »

And just because you might want to fight for it doesn't mean she does. There's a lot of truth in "treat em mean, keep em keen".

This one is a double edged sword i've been learning recently. Treat em mean, keep em keen works for those who REALLY know how to use it. And that means not going overboard and not being too gentle. Trust me, unless your a pro, it's near impossible to find that

srdb20

Agree with the above but only to an extent to build a decent relationship there has to be give and take you can't just keep telling you missus to F$ck off and expect her to lap it up. You need to find the middle ground for your relationship.

OP there is a middle ground here, but unfortunately only you and your missus will be able to define where it is...

Maybe give her some space and stop contacting her so much, if there is anything left between you two this should make her realise it!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.;)

Just my two cents!:)

Elessar

Mick K wrote: »

Basically I was there for anything she needed and I refused to let her do anything for me as she was the lady.

This is the root of your problem. I will leave you to figure it out.

Mick K

I agree that I was prob a little to good to her and that I shouldnt push so much to get time with her....
As of now shes having her space,Im gonna be honest and say its hard but Its all I have left to try.
Im just going to have to wait it out and see......

LegacyUser

Only yesterday I broke up with an amazing guy for being the way you've described yourself.
He worshipped the ground I walked on and bought me everything my heart desired. He took me to fancy restaurants, hotels, weekends away to Rome and I still broke up with him because his niceness drove me crazy.

It reminds me of the U2 song 'So Cruel'....the lyrics:

'I gave you everything you've ever wanted, it wasn't what you wanted'

Don't contact her, she has asked for space, give it to her.

Don't think that by telling her you're in bits and stuff it will make her see how much you love her - it won't - it will drive her mad and make her think you're weak and pathetic.
She knows you love her. God even reading how you've treated her irratated me.

Man up for Gods sake

STUBBORNGIRL

You dont have to be Mr nice all the time! this shows weakness in your character! there is nothing more offputting in a guy than one who runs around after you! i think after spending a year and a half in each others ear it is time that you learned to give the girl the space she needs! Why argue with someone that wants to play basketball! Sorry but it sounds to me like you want control over her (apologies if this is not the case)

I have seen it too often where guys shower girls with gifts - would do anything for them - it is, in a sneaky way manipulation! it is like saying "i am giving you all this now you cant leave me" (well thats the way i would take it up anyway)

the times are changing and women and men are now seen as equals! while there are some women out there that just want a man to pay for everything all the time and spoil them rotten, then there are the others that just want to be respected and loved without the showering of gifts!

My friend and her boyfriend have a good healthy relationship! both have their own set of friends and get to spend time with them without living in eachothers ears - he doesnt buy everything for her, they split things - well what i mean is, if he pays today then she pays tomorrow. Anyhow he packed her bag and told her they were goign to this county for the weekend when all the time he had planned a trip abroad for her! she loved it and said it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her - so the point i am getting at is - DO TREAT YOUR GIRL - BUT only every once and a while she will appreciate it more!!!!!

I hope you both can sort things out and if not thread more carefully with the next relationship you enter into! I wish you both the best of luck

srdb20

Well said, STUBBORNGIRL

Beetlebum

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

You dont have to be Mr nice all the time! this shows weakness in your character! there is nothing more offputting in a guy than one who runs around after you! i think after spending a year and a half in each others ear it is time that you learned to give the girl the space she needs! Why argue with someone that wants to play basketball! Sorry but it sounds to me like you want control over her (apologies if this is not the case)

I have seen it too often where guys shower girls with gifts - would do anything for them - it is, in a sneaky way manipulation! it is like saying "i am giving you all this now you cant leave me" (well thats the way i would take it up anyway)

the times are changing and women and men are now seen as equals! while there are some women out there that just want a man to pay for everything all the time and spoil them rotten, then there are the others that just want to be respected and loved without the showering of gifts!

My friend and her boyfriend have a good healthy relationship! both have their own set of friends and get to spend time with them without living in eachothers ears - he doesnt buy everything for her, they split things - well what i mean is, if he pays today then she pays tomorrow. Anyhow he packed her bag and told her they were goign to this county for the weekend when all the time he had planned a trip abroad for her! she loved it and said it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her - so the point i am getting at is - DO TREAT YOUR GIRL - BUT only every once and a while she will appreciate it more!!!!!

I hope you both can sort things out and if not thread more carefully with the next relationship you enter into! I wish you both the best of luck

Oh so true! Nice guys finish last!!

It's hard to explain but when a man bends over backwards for you and panders to your every need, you almost end up resenting him. It is a form of manipulation as stated above and the more you push this girl or try to point out and how good you've been to her, the quicker she'll run into the arms of a complete bast*rd who poses a challenge.

I was with a great guy for 4 years and ended up leaving him for a bad boy type. I was young and it was a stupid move. The bady boy inevitably broke my heart but even to this day he is WAY more sexy and appealing to me than the first guy (the great guy).

Back off and give her the space she has requested or you will lose her. No doubt about it.

Daftendirekt

OP, don't try and buy her affection! Stubborngirl summed it up pretty well.

I can't really add to what's been said, except that the only way you have a chance of winning her back is (ironically) by moving on. You should start seeing other people, take your happiness into your own hands and just enjoy life.

To be blunt, it sounds like you were way too nice and this just killed the spark. You can't persuade her to feel it again, and probably the best thing for both of you would be to just end it before it gets any messier.

And just so you know, I feel for you. I know exactly what you're going through, and it sucks. But if you can get through it, you'll be a better person for it, and maybe you'll have learned a thing or two.

Mick K

Look ,All I can do is give her the space she needs and maybe she'll come round.....
All I can do is hope,I know I could be setting myself up for a fall but at this stage Ive nothing to lose....
In the mean time if somebody comes my way I'll enjoy the company and take it from there:(

Beetlebum

Beetlebum wrote: »

Oh so true! Nice guys finish last!!

No, uninteresting doormats with no spine finish last. This is completely different to "nice".

Mick K

bluewolf wrote: »

No, uninteresting doormats with no spine finish last. This is completely different to "nice".

so what exactly am I

RedXIV

Your a guy. Thats it. How you like to treat a woman, and the girl here, how she liked to be treated, weren't compatable. You sound like you have best intentions only. That implies nice guy. You also sound like you'd do ANYTHING for your other hald. That implies door mat.

You need to either adjust your principles for the girl you like, or change the girl you like to accept your principles

valz_walsh

Seraphina wrote: »

no offence, but i'm going to say it like it is
you're a desperate doormat and thats not attractive.

Im going to have to agree slightly with this comment. She was spoilt when she was going out with you. You sound like a great guy, and she is clearly an idiot for wanting a break. But tbh I think your better off with someone who appreciate's all that you give to her.
You could just give her some space, no calls no texts, nothing. Tell her first off though that you respect the fact that she needs the space, and that you love her. Then its cold turkey for you. Wait until she makes the first move. If she decides that your not the one, then you'll have to move on, if not then get bcak together and quit spoiling her. She has to act like a grown up if she's goign to be in a grown up relationship.

Sorry if I sound mean.:(

MagicMarker

You don't know what you've got till it's gone.

From this girls persepective, you're right there on her doorstep.

Step back, ignore her, even if she texts with general chit chat, don't text back. Move on, maybe she'll realise what she had.

MJOR

Mick K wrote: »

so what exactly am I

Mick you're a nice guy... but try not to buy her affection what has perhaps happened here is that there was no need for her to work at the relationship... its a hard lesson i have learned myself. Putting in more than you get out fiscally and emotional rarely works!

Chin up! you live and learn

Wurly

OP, when I read your post for the first time, the thought that came to mind was how emotionally exhausting the whole thing was.

I understand you want to make her happy but what about your happiness. You shouldn't have to bend over backwards to make someone happy or lavish them with 'things'. They should just be simply happy in your company when you are acting like yourself.

It doesn't sound to me like she is bending over backwards for you. You are going to exhaust yourself if you carry on this way.

I know you are crazy about this girl and things are easier said than done. But really OP, you have to be responsible for your own happiness, just like she has to be responsible for her own happiness. It is not your responsibility to make her happy, rather she should feel happy in your company without you actually 'trying' as such.

For the love of god, give her space for the moment. Let her miss you. If she knows that she can just pick you up whenever, she will be in no rush.

To the other posters, nice guys do not finish last. Thats a crock of crap. It's doormats that are bordering on pathetic that finish last as they leave themselves open to being used and manipulated.

So OP, continue being the nice, good man you are. But don't fall into the doormat category. It just wont give you the outcome you are looking for.

I wish you all the best.x

Mick K

The saga continues......
Right so I hadnt contacted her since wednesday night....
She calls me last night really nice on the phone and chatty and asks to go to see a movie tonight....
I say yeah I'll check what Im doing and let you know tomorrow and today comes and she has txt me to see what we're going to see......


Maybe the space thing is workin but now Im thinking like WTF?

RedXIV

Mick K wrote: »

The saga continues......
Right so I hadnt contacted her since wednesday night....
She calls me last night really nice on the phone and chatty and asks to go to see a movie tonight....
I say yeah I'll check what Im doing and let you know tomorrow and today comes and she has txt me to see what we're going to see......


Maybe the space thing is workin but now Im thinking like WTF?

Doesn't seem to make sense does it? But you learned something valuable now, so don't forget it. Next bit of advice i'd give you OP is to not think of this in any shape or form as a date, go out as friends and friends only. which means don't pay for her ticket, don't pay for her snacks, don't pay for her taxi home. (unless your ridiculously generous to your friends too )

You're not in the clear yet so don't go back to being clingy, sounds like you're on to a winner so fingers crossed for ya mate

Michellenman

Sounds a bit like she's using you when she's nothing else on. You shouldn't be anyones second choice. If the whole space thing seems to be working then go for it but from personal experience it won't last long. Unless you're both committed to it (and she doesn't sound like it) then it's not going to work. Maybe it's better to cut all ties, as hard as that will be, and try to move on. Obviously you're going to be upset but believe me, i've been in the same situation as both you and you gf and even though she doesn't say doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Don't try and hide it though, you've been together 18 months, you've every right to be upset. You'll get through it though. Guaranteed.

S.I.R

Mick K wrote: »

Right.....
Im 23 and my gf is 22,we met on 26th december a year and half ago...
we met through friends and tbh I had my eye on her for ages but always thought she'd never look my way.
so xmas eve we all met in a bar for drinks and as it happened we got chatting,got on really great.She asked where I was going on stephens night and i said x club she said cool ye never know might see ye there.
I thought nothing of it at all as I still thought god she'd never give me a chance.
So 26th came and towards the end of the night I see this gorgeous girl looking around the club:)
So the night ended and we started chatting again and boom she kissed me....
You should have seen the smile I had going to bed that night.....
So to cut things short,We started a relationship...
It was something like you'd see in a fairy tale,we were crazy bout each other,we did everything together,share the same interests ,danced in clubs together,went to croke park together,we were in Paris after just four months and thats when I fell totally in love with her.

So to carry on right up to xmas just gone I suppose you could say I looked after her pretty well,Anything she saw and said she couldnt afford I was sure to go back another day and get it,She sold her car to buy another but couldnt find one she liked so I gave her one of mine with free tax insurance and petrol.(I didnt mind and still dont,I wanted to give her the world)
Basically I was there for anything she needed and I refused to let her do anything for me as she was the lady.So xmas came and things were still going well seeing alot of each other(I think now it was too much).She got on great with my family which was super.

So after xmas things started going a little pear shaped......around febuary she wanted to go back playing basketball after getting a hard time from the girls last year on the team which she had said she wouldnt put herself in for again,I argued for her to take up something else and she still went back I realise I was wrong for argueing but I was just thinking about her.
Then she wanted to take up weight watchers which I didnt really mind I thought her body was in fantastic shape anyway....
So slowly but surely we started seein less and less of each other,She only wanted to go to the cinema on weekends rather than going for a drink or meal or bowling say.....
So as we drifted apart we started argueing as I wasnt happy with not getting to see her(Yes I prob was wrong)
She wanted a break,said she still loved me and wasnt going to see other people but still wanted space....
so for a month the only contact we had was txt or calls....
it shattered me completely:(
Im absolutly crazy about the girl so I had to ask her to try with me again,
so the first night we went out we went to the cinema,went ok but still not great,second night was for a meal and that went great went for a drink after too but since then we keep fighting about when next we get to see each other,I just want some time to put things back happy and the way it was,Shes a little childish and wont really talk about problems,Like when we were fighting I said some stuff I shoudnt have said and she also said things to hurt me.
Thing is she wont let it go now and Im prepared to forget about that stuff as it was said in the heat of the moment.
I do really love her and think the world of her and just want to make her happy but Anything I do at the moment is not making her smile.
Ive sent flowers Ive gotten her gifts Ive offered holidays and Now im back giving her more space.....
I think its probably a lost cause at this stage but yet she says she miss's me and still loves me.....
My head is such a mess.
I know we arent together a long time but we have such a spark......what the hell to do..........





sorry for the bad punctuation but im not great on computers

Never drink with women, it just Fuels their imaginations.

flibbertyjibbet

IMO I don't think the no contact has worked yet (although I think its a good idea and you should stick with it).
When she asked you to go out you told her you'd "check what you were doing and let her no tomorrow" but by the next day she is asking you what you're going to see. You don't mention that you'd told her you were free - she has just assumed you've nothing on and assumed you're going out with her now - taking it for granted...she's still sounding selfish and disrespectful to me. I'm kind of agreeing with a previous poster - seems like she's texting you when she has nothing else on

Dampsquid

It's obvious that you are totally in love with her. she knows this and she is controlling the relationship. You have to play her game and make her think that your not a doormat, and you won't be waiting around for her to call. You have to make her think that she could loose you. Let her do the chasing for once.

If she doesn't chase, then she ain't worth it.

TURRICAN

Mick K wrote: »

The saga continues......
Right so I hadnt contacted her since wednesday night....
She calls me last night really nice on the phone and chatty and asks to go to see a movie tonight....
I say yeah I'll check what Im doing and let you know tomorrow and today comes and she has txt me to see what we're going to see......


Maybe the space thing is workin but now Im thinking like WTF?

exactly what happened with me mick.but now im back in square 1 again.
dont know whats going on.
if ya want pm me and we can talk about it im in the same boat as you man,i feel your pain.try help each other and see what happens

MagicMarker

Tbh, i would just ask her what her intentions are with this trip to the cinema...

Either that or she's playing like a fool, does she or does she not want space? Does she still want space or has she had enough? The only way to find out is to ask her.

STUBBORNGIRL

flibbertyjibbet wrote: »

IMO I don't think the no contact has worked yet (although I think its a good idea and you should stick with it).
When she asked you to go out you told her you'd "check what you were doing and let her no tomorrow" but by the next day she is asking you what you're going to see. You don't mention that you'd told her you were free - she has just assumed you've nothing on and assumed you're going out with her now - taking it for granted...she's still sounding selfish and disrespectful to me. I'm kind of agreeing with a previous poster - seems like she's texting you when she has nothing else on

Totally agree - i know so many people like that!!!! using people when they have nothing else to do!!!

For the love of God please be busy on Wednesday night - i dont care if you have nothing on - make it up!!!! you are not to go to the cinema with her on Wednesday night! tell her you might be free on Thursday night if she hasnt got any other plans! usually i would be against any sort of game playing but this is the exception to my rule!! do not play into her hands because it is quite possible she is trying to fill up free time and is using you!! TEST her by giving her an alternative date! and the fact that you actually have something to do on Wed night she may just realise that life hasnt stopped for you and this will get her thinking!(God he really is just getting on with it ) This will make her want you more and it may just be the eye opener that she needs!

Ah dying to know the outcome already! Please please keep us updated!

Mick K

Right,
Saturday Night went well from my side anyway,
She was the one putting in all the effort with chat and stuff while I just put on a distant act taking out the phone and replying to txts while playing it very cool,Didnt ask anything about the relationship at all,Never questioned her about anything,tbh never even showed much interest.
So I dropped her home and she leaned over to kiss me and I just gave her my cheek and said good bye.....
So yesterday came and I had a family thing on which she would normally be at but I brought a mate instead whos GF had spent the day with my GF,
Apparently she was asking my mates GF questions about the day and asking her to txt her BF all day to get info as to who I was talking to,wearing,drinking etc.....
My mates Gf reckons Im starting to have an effect on her by ignoring her.....



thoughts?




EDIT#
Just to ad my mates GF would be very straight up with me and wouldnt tell me any bull

RedXIV

Mick K wrote: »

Right,
Saturday Night went well from my side anyway,
She was the one putting in all the effort with chat and stuff while I just put on a distant act taking out the phone and replying to txts while playing it very cool,Didnt ask anything about the relationship at all,Never questioned her about anything,tbh never even showed much interest.
So I dropped her home and she leaned over to kiss me and I just gave her my cheek and said good bye.....
So yesterday came and I had a family thing on which she would normally be at but I brought a mate instead whos GF had spent the day with my GF,
Apparently she was asking my mates GF questions about the day and asking her to txt her BF all day to get info as to who I was talking to,wearing,drinking etc.....
My mates Gf reckons Im starting to have an effect on her by ignoring her.....



thoughts?




EDIT#
Just to ad my mates GF would be very straight up with me and wouldnt tell me any bull

What do you need our thoughts for, you can see its working . If she decides to cave in, be ready for a conversation which will determine all your boundries etc.

Glad to see something going right for ya mate

Red

silvine

Sounds good dude. +1 on the above comment though.

Wibbs

Yep it seems to be working alright. Now don't play games. At the moment you are as that is a strategy you need to learn for the future when self confidence and non controlling behaviour are natural to you.

A relationship should be equal. Both should do the "running" in it.

Don't put her on a pedestal. It's not comfortable for anyone.

Don't buy her affection with grand romantic gestures. Never bribe a woman with that, reward her for her affection and what she brings to the relationship yes, not bribe. There's a difference. Too many men do that and wonder why the woman leaves or isn't interested in the first place. Again that should be a natural thing born of your own self worth.

Discover your boundaries and stick to them.

Avoid over emotional outbursts, particularly ones born of anger or resentment. Major turnoff. This does not mean you cant be happy or upset or emotionally demonstrative, just avoid the unhealthy emotions. Never use emtional blackmail.

Be clear in your dealings with her, even if she's not being clear in her dealings with you.

Mick K

RedXIV wrote: »

What do you need our thoughts for, you can see its working . If she decides to cave in, be ready for a conversation which will determine all your boundries etc.

Glad to see something going right for ya mate

Red

Very hard to judge the girl......
Its all very up in the air for me still

Mick K

Little update.
Im going to not contact her until at least thursday,Chances are I might hear from her in between times if I do I'll be playing it very cool....
Im not playing games just taking a step back to see how it runs,I refuse to let myself build my mind up for a massive fall

RedXIV

Mick K wrote: »

Little update.
Im going to not contact her until at least thursday,Chances are I might hear from her in between times if I do I'll be playing it very cool....
Im not playing games just taking a step back to see how it runs,I refuse to let myself build my mind up for a massive fall

You're thinking about it a tad too much mate. while i agree with the idea that you shouldn't be immedately available to her, the best way to do this is to ACTUALLY make plans with other people. go out and have fun mate. You'll enjoy yourself more, it WILL come across in your encounters that your happier and more importantly, when you're asked if your free, you're not lying, you genuinely do have plans

do you love it?

do you really think that this will last, like if you have to ignore her to get her attention, its obviously not working, relationships arent meant to be based on winning each other through mind games, you know?
id be careful.
i also think you just gave the girl too much, like we all love presents now and then but when you get them constantly, they stop being special, and then you expect them. you cant use presents, money, dinners, trips away or cars to keep her interested. if she wants to be with you, she should be with you for the person that you are and not the material things that you give her.
im sorry if that sounded all a bit harsh, but you need to stop getting walked all over. its better for you in the long run, trust me.

dee8839

Any update on this situation? I really feel for you OP. I'm female, and I broke up with my BF of 2 years a while back for being the opposite of you. He was a good guy, a loving BF. But the whole concept of showing me he loved me was foreign to him. He took it for granted that I knew. I never once so much as got a drink bought for me, he used to suggest that there was no need for swopping birthday gifts (said just before my birthday, I note, not his!) and the idea of bringing me to the cinema, or if he managed to do this (at my request) paying for it never occurred to him. Now, I'm not saying this was the reason for our break-up, I'm not that materialistic, but I think the feeling of being unappreciated did contribute.

But you know what? I don't think I'd have stayed with him as long as I did if he had been more like you. I don't mean to sound harsh. I mean to show that there's a delicate balance in how you should treat the other person in a relationship. Don't treat her like she's an infallible princess. She'll feel suffocated and irritated. She won't respect you. But do show that you respect and appreciate her. A well timed, unexpected gift or date occasionally will make a far better impression that a constant desperate flow of gifts, etc.

My advice, I suppose, is to keep it cool so that she realises you're not suffocating her, but don't turn into an a-hole. There is a happy medium. Good luck!

Mick K

Little update....



Im a better person than what I was when I first wrote this thread.....

I dumped her.
Im far better than her and dont need that hassle in my life anymore,Im looking after myself now and thats the way I'll keep it.

do you love it?

good for you!!!

Mick K

I wont lie,I do miss the friendship but theres a woman out there for everybody and It seems that she defo wasnt the one for me,I wasnt going to chase her for life.
TBH when I wrote that my confidence was prob quite low and after the last weekend out I realise there really wasnt any need for it,Im a great guy that will meet somebody eventually that wants me as much as i want them.
I do have to stop spoiling women tho.....I know that doesnt work

Wibbs

Fair play to you.

Mick K wrote: »

I wont lie,I do miss the friendship

The way I look at it, true friends don't pull crap on you. Friendship is an equal relationship with tooing and froing and compromise and acceptance.

but theres a woman out there for everybody

In a world this big there are several. I would say several thousand or more in fact.

I wasnt going to chase her for life.

Dead right too. It's terribly wearing for one thing.

TBH when I wrote that my confidence was prob quite low and after the last weekend out I realise there really wasnt any need for it,Im a great guy that will meet somebody eventually that wants me as much as i want them.

Fair play + 2

I do have to stop spoiling women tho.....I know that doesnt work

That's a hard one. We're told as men from a very early age, by the media, by romantic notions, by society and indeed women themselves that being "nice" to women is the way to go. We also feel that treating somoen above and beyond the call of duty will make them love you more(women do this one too).

What I found refreshing are the women that posted here who gave their honest opinion of overly "nice" guys(fair play to them too). Basically it turns them off. I've actually heard some women say that "I lose interest in a guy when I find out he wants me more than I want him".

Some of that could be simply that a woman naturally wants a man who knows that he is a "good catch" and other women would find him attractive and that he has options, but he has chosen to be with her. It means that he is a good catch basically, has the emotional intelligence to see that in himself and will express that with his boundaries. .

A guy who tells a woman that she is the only possible woman for him and treats her like a princess is going to make her feel uncomfortable. She may not even put it into concrete words, but she'll feel it and no amount of obvious logic will sway.

It's nothing to do with obvious attractive features in guys either. I've seen women leave men who were wealthy, attractive and overly devoted to them. I've seen them go to obviously less attractive men who were dirt poor. Why? Because either they were going through the bad boy phase or the guy they went to, looks or money aside were more sure of themselves.

I think what I wrote before just about covers it. Treat a woman like an equal, not a superior. Very imprtant. If the hopeless romantics don't believe that the look at the guys who (stupidly) treat a woman like an inferior. They're generally more successful than the guys treating her like a superior. It's successful but equally wrong.

Treat her well and do good and loving things for her, only if she is doing the same for you. Basically reward good actions and emotions with good actions and emotions, as she should do for you. Don't bribe her to get good actions or emotions.

Love, relationships and friendships are based on a two way street with traffic divided equally. Yes there will be times when traffic may go one way rather than the other, but the general gist should be equal.