Things you will never hear said in WWE!

ShawnRaven

I was going through some text files on the comp while i was sorting out podcast stuff and found this. Might be good for a chuckle.

VR!
---
Any McMahon: "I was wrong."

Stephanie McMahon: "I need to take time off to properly raise my child."

Chris Masters: "Yeah, I've had the MasterLock broken after it was locked in, so what?"

HBK: "Can't I wrestle just one match without using inverted atomic drops, kip ups, and Sweet Chin Music?"

Eugene: "My name is Nick Dinsmore, and I can actually wrestle. Using Attitude-era Superstars' finishers sucks."

Trevor Murdoch: "I don't want to be your hucklebuck."

Torrie Wilson: "I enjoyed The DaVinci Code, but I found some parts of it to be rather elementary."

Shelton Benjamin: "Vince won't fully push me because I'm black."

Matt Striker: "I have great fashion sense."

Animal: "I really should retire."

Ric Flair: "Me too."

Kurt Angle: "Me three."

Hulk Hogan: "Me four."

Victoria: "Why does everyone wanna **** Candice? Why don't you trailer-trash inbred hicks wanna **** me?!?"

Triple H: "Do I have to main-event WrestleMania again?"

Batista: "I am definitely not pimp."

Funaki: "Other wrestlers take great care of my safety when they are in the ring with me."

Mickie James: "Trish tastes great." ( Side Note: wub.gif )

The Rock: "I'm back."

CM Punk: "I think I can do better than Maria."

Paul Heyman: "I'm respected by everyone here."

Gregory Helms: "The Cruiserweight Title is just the kind of exposure I need to take my career to the next level."

Mark Henry: "I'm gonna give some of my salary back, I don't deserve it."

Vince: "I love my wife." (He actually said "I love my life", but Candice's boob was in his mouth.)

Candice Michelle: "I'm just as ugly and annoying as Melina."

Matt Hardy: "That five chapter saga with Edge did wonders for my career."

Randy Orton: "The most enjoyable thing to do on this Earth is respect women."

Steve Austin: "I wholeheartedly agree Randall."

Michael Cole: "I can't tolerate Vince in my headset for another second. Tazz, pass me that bottle of Jack right next to you."

Trish Stratus: "All of the Divas with boobjobs look just like the Divas without boobjobs. They're all so realistic looking!"

Lita: "I think we're moving too fast."

Linda McMahon: "It's time to give my husband some limits and boundaries."

Writing Staff: "But are you sure that fits in with past history?"

Rey Misterio: "I think I'm being booked a little too strong."

John Cena: "Can I stop pretending to be from the mean streets of Massachusetts?"

Jim Ross: "Dr. Hiney was the funniest skit Vince has ever done."

Jerry Lawler: "Your mom's hotter than you are."

Brolly

Vince: "I love my wife." (He actually said "I love my life", but Candice's boob was in his mouth.)


Brilliant!

Bubs101

Surely that should be Shelton "I only got the push over HHH because I'm black"

chopperbyrne

Funaki: "Other wrestlers take great care of my safety when they are in the ring with me."

That's my favourite one!

Mr.Nice Guy

How about...

John Cena: "I'm the real people's champion."

Jeff Hardy: "I'm going straight-edge from now on."

Shawn Michaels: "Bret I'm so sorry for Montreal. Boy, was I a dick."

Bret Hart: "Hey Shawn, I came back to say that I forgive you and you're a credit to Christianity."

Michael Hayes: "I like black people."

Vince McMahon: "I've made quite a lot of mistakes in my life."

Batista: "I'm just a poor man's Brock Lesnar to be honest."

Edge: "I miss kissing Lita."

Triple H: "I miss Chyna. What a great gal."

Steph: "I miss Randy Savage."

The Rock: "The reason I haven't made more appearances is because the show's sh*t without me."

Mick Foley: "I feel appreciated."

CM Punk: "Damn, I'd love a pint right about now."

JBL: "I'd hate a pint right about now."

Mark Henry: "I'd hate a pie right about now."

Tommy Dreamer: "I'm so happy with how the last three years of my career have gone."

Jim Ross: "I feel my job is safe."

Jerry Lawler: "I should stop talking about 'puppies' really. It's degrading to women and I need to show more respect."

Brolly

Mark Henry: "I'd hate a pie right about now."

Thats a classic!

de5p0i1er

All good

ShawnRaven

Aw MNG, if the bowdown avatar was available here, i'd be using it.
VR!

ShawnRaven

Mr.Nice Guy wrote: »

Batista: "I'm just a poor man's Brock Lesnar to be honest."

If you'd watched TNA in recent weeks, you'd probably have noticed that honour went to Matt Morgan.

VR!

EdK

Chris Benoit

ShawnRaven

Ouch, you're going to hell for that one to join him...
(hey, i laughed so i'll be right behind ya!)

VR!

john concannon

Vince McMahon: And now inducting Chris Benoit into the WWE Hall Of Fame...
The Iron Sheik and New Jack.

EdK

Vince McMahon: Oh no no , I could never make myself World Heavyweight Champion

ShawnRaven

EdK wrote: »

Vince McMahon: Oh no no , I could never make myself World Heavyweight Champion

They missed the boat with that one. Had he been given the WCW belt during the InVasion angle, by the time 2007 had rolled around, he'd have held the WWE, WCW and ECW titles.

Ah Vince, now why didn't you think of that one? Unless of course, that was the final piece of dirt you decided to kick on the grave of WCW.

VR!

EdK

EdK wrote: »

Chris Benoit

None of them really made me laugh

rizzla

JR jr. "Next out is Daniel Benoit, from the distinguished Benoit family and son of the legendary and upstanding Chris Benoit."

callaway92

"We are bringin Vince Russo back as the main script writer"

ShawnRaven

callaway92 wrote: »

"We are bringin Vince Russo back as the main script writer"

Only similar was heard around 2002 when WWE did actually bring him back after buying out his WCW contract! Of course, that meant that about a week later, he was able to resign and jump straight to TNA (long before they did their 60 day clause, and i don't think that applies to writers anyway).

Slag Russo off all you want there, but he was a smart bastard for that move.
VR!

grames_bond

vince: bret i am your father!!

john concannon

To The Back :d

Bounty Hunter

Vince: "I have hidden Cameras in every locker room, thats why nobody ever complains that a cameraman wont leave when they are having private discussions backstage...its also why i can now anounce the new Diva R-Rated channel"

Charlie

HHH: Steph, I want a divorce.

Cactus Col

Ashley: No I won't suck that for you.

flahavaj

Vince McMahon: I screwed Bret.

Shawn Michaels: I think this cowboy hat makes me look soooo hetero.

Pat Patterson: No Hunter you shouldn't wear less tight trunks, your package is in no way visible, nor does it in any way explain why I'm standing so close to you.

Ultimate Warrior: I am a sane and worthwhile member of society.

Jerry Lawler. Oh how I yearn for the days when my commentary was relevant and funny and didn't sound like the viagra induced ramblings of a dirty old man.

Jeff Hardy: Drugs are bad, man.

CM Punk: I'll look great when I'm 80 with a ****ing pepsi tattoo on my arm.

Terry Funk. This time I'm really finished, no honestly

Bret Hart: I'll freely admit I wasn't the bestest wrestler in the history of the world ever.....

Hendo9

Mick Foley : Why do you have to always show me getting thrown of the Hell in a Cell as if it was the biggest and most defining moment of my career!?

Sharpshooter

Bret.......l AM...........sorry.
HBK is a ****.:D

ShawnRaven

sharpshooterH wrote: »

Bret.......l AM...........sorry.
HBK is a ****.:D

Yeah, for doing what his boss requested, something Mr Pink refused to. :rolleyes:
VR!

Raze_them_all

and here comes droz runnin down the ramp..... I know...I'm going to hell.....

validreasoning!

validreasoning! wrote: »

Yeah, for doing what his boss requested, something Mr Pink refused to. :rolleyes:
VR!

Dam you Sharpshooter , look what you started .

Now i just have to join in.

Vince didnt tell Bret what to do. Bret had creative control of his last matches if he were to leave the WWE .

Bret and Vince agreed it should be a "their words" shmoz .

HBK was the bad egg and the sissy of the whole situation.



getting back to the subject.


JR : Shawn Michaels , There is not a bad thing anybody can say about him .

Sharpshooter

Deleted User wrote: »

Dam you Sharpshooter , look what you started .

Now i just have to join in.

Vince didnt tell Bret what to do. Bret had creative control of his last matches if he were to leave the WWE .

Bret and Vince agreed it should be a "their words" shmoz .

HBK was the bad egg and the sissy of the whole situation.



getting back to the subject.


JR : Shawn Michaels , There is not a bad thing anybody can say about him .

see now l forgot to put Vince before the actual post(Doh)!
Vince:I .........AM SORRY Bret,
is what it should have been.

Bubs101

Why should Vince be sorry. The company should always come before the talent

Reganio 2

Hence why you would never hear it said in WWE.

ShawnRaven

Deleted User wrote: »

Vince didnt tell Bret what to do. Bret had creative control of his last matches if he were to leave the WWE .

Bret and Vince agreed it should be a "their words" shmoz .

HBK was the bad egg and the sissy of the whole situation.

1) Bret had reasonable creative control.
2) Hogan had creative control a few years earlier, and it didn't stop Vince from pulling the plug on him and firing him when he wouldn't drop the belt to your precious Bret in 1993.
3) Bottom line is, it's Vince's company, Bubs101 hit the nail on the head.

It is that black and white, and what is understood really doesn't need to be discussed.

VR!

Raze_them_all

another "after a failed drugs test, HHH is suspended for 60 days"

Fozzy

validreasoning! wrote: »

1) Bret had reasonable creative control.
2) Hogan had creative control a few years earlier, and it didn't stop Vince from pulling the plug on him and firing him when he wouldn't drop the belt to your precious Bret in 1993.
3) Bottom line is, it's Vince's company, Bubs101 hit the nail on the head.

It is that black and white, and what is understood really doesn't need to be discussed.

VR!

You know that the "reasonable" had an exact definition, that being that nothing would be done unless both Bret and Vince agreed to it. Not to drag the thread off topic, but one party obviously broke that agreement and it wasn't Bret

Sharpshooter

validreasoning! wrote: »

1) Bret had reasonable creative control.
2) Hogan had creative control a few years earlier, and it didn't stop Vince from pulling the plug on him and firing him when he wouldn't drop the belt to your precious Bret in 1993.
3) Bottom line is, it's Vince's company, Bubs101 hit the nail on the head.

It is that black and white, and what is understood really doesn't need to be discussed.

VR!

Bret thought he had reasonable control (That Night) in the match but (Vince was never gonna tell Bret he was gonna Screw him)so watch "Wrestling with Shadows" and see Bret wired and recording all conversations with Vince before the Match and then you will see that Bret Was Screwed.Hence Vinnie Macs Black eye afterwords .:rolleyes:

ShawnRaven

Fozzy wrote: »

You know that the "reasonable" had an exact definition, that being that nothing would be done unless both Bret and Vince agreed to it. Not to drag the thread off topic, but one party obviously broke that agreement and it wasn't Bret

Exactly my point aimed at SharpshooterH originally, that it wasn't Shawn!
I'm well aware that Vince broke the agreement, but i still maintain after all this time, that Bret's demands were totally unreasonable. If i was in McMahon's shoes, i'd probably have done exactly the same thing!

It all worked out in the end, didn't it? Once Bret was gone from WWE, Vince had him over a barrel and he knew it, from the likes of photos or video footage to literally holding his brother hostage in the company. Bret would come crawling back one way or another after a course of time, and he did in the end.

It's an ugly business, but everyone involved (including the smarter fans) knew that anyway.

VR!

ShawnRaven

sharpshooterH wrote: »

Bret thought he had reasonable control (That Night) in the match but (Vince was never gonna tell Bret he was gonna Screw him)so watch "Wrestling with Shadows" and see Bret wired and recording all conversations with Vince before the Match and then you will see that Bret Was Screwed.Hence Vinnie Macs Black eye afterwords .:rolleyes:

I've watched Wrestling with Shadows, and i'm not disputing Bret was screwed. However if i recall correctly, Vince allowed Bret to punch him, right in front of his son (double standards regarding professionalism there Bret?). Vince totally humiliated Bret in Montreal (since when was Bret from Montreal anyway?), so Vince knew Bret wasn't exactly gonna be smiley happy about the whole deal either!

BTW - Wrestling With Shadows was pretty much all Bret had left of his career anyway, because his WCW career was nothing to write home about. It tells the truth, i just don't think it tells the whole truth.

It's the whole three sides to every story thing at the end of the day.
VR!

Sharpshooter

validreasoning! wrote: »

I've watched Wrestling with Shadows, and i'm not disputing Bret was screwed. However if i recall correctly, Vince allowed Bret to punch him, right in front of his son (double standards regarding professionalism there Bret?). Vince totally humiliated Bret in Montreal (since when was Bret from Montreal anyway?), so Vince knew Bret wasn't exactly gonna be smiley happy about the whole deal either!

BTW - Wrestling With Shadows was pretty much all Bret had left of his career anyway, because his WCW career was nothing to write home about. It tells the truth, i just don't think it tells the whole truth.

It's the whole three sides to every story thing at the end of the day.
VR!

If l was Vince l would have Allowed Bret to hit me too,
better that than putting up a fight you were gonna lose and mabey have more than a Black eye,cause l doubt anyone was gonna stop Bret that day from having his Due.:pac:

ShawnRaven

sharpshooterH wrote: »

cause l doubt anyone was gonna stop Bret that day from having his Due.:pac:

His due? That's hilarious, it was one of his last matches with the company, It was Vince who took Bret from Stampede midcard scrub into a megastar, not the other way around. Bret had the ability, but that's no use when you don't have a stage to show it, and that's where Vince came in. Sadly Bret and his disciple fans forgot this, and still do.

VR!

Mr.Nice Guy

Bret was told by Vince that he could leave by vacating the belt and Vince went back on his word. Clearly Bret is at fault here.

Who the hell does Bret think he is refusing to drop the belt to a guy who had refused to do the same to him? Talk about unreasonable!

Anyone who says otherwise is a disciple.

ShawnRaven

Mr.Nice Guy wrote: »

Who the hell does Bret think he is refusing to drop the belt to a guy who had refused to do the same to him? Talk about unreasonable!

It is when you're leaving the company to work for the opposition!
Vince is protecting his end of the business, nothing you wouldn't do if you were a promotor. Oh wait, that's why he's still running a highly successful wrestling promotion, while the rest of us bitching about it are either on 9-5's or on the dole :pac:

VR!

Sharpshooter

validreasoning! wrote: »

His due? That's hilarious, it was one of his last matches with the company, It was Vince who took Bret from Stampede midcard scrub into a megastar, not the other way around. Bret had the ability, but that's no use when you don't have a stage to show it, and that's where Vince came in. Sadly Bret and his disciple fans forgot this, and still do.

VR!

His due as in venting his anger,l agree that no wrestler would be known Worldwide if it wasn't for Vince and everything he put on the line to have the company he has today,But as vince freely admits "He made a lot of money out of Bret"and so l do think it could have been handled better.
On another note l think this is where vince began his"own persona" and for that l am truely grateful cause he is The Funniest Character that WWE has (apart from Santino).:D

ShawnRaven

sharpshooterH wrote: »

His due as in venting his anger,l agree that no wrestler would be known Worldwide if it wasn't for Vince and everything he put on the line to have the company he has today,But as vince freely admits "He made a lot of money out of Bret"and so l do think it could have been handled better.
On another note l think this is where vince began his"own persona" and for that l am truely grateful cause he is The Funniest Character that WWE has (apart from Santino).:D

Vince did make a lot of money out of Bret, but Bret also made a lot of money out of Vince, ever see the paycheques their top stars get?

Santino is wearing thin on my patience. I have italian friends who wet themselves laughing when they see him because he sounds more like a frenchy! Move him to the B show where he belongs, with the rest of the goofy morons like Hornswoggle (who in turn, turned Finlay into one) and Miz!

VR!

Sharpshooter

validreasoning! wrote: »

Vince did make a lot of money out of Bret, but Bret also made a lot of money out of Vince, ever see the paycheques their top stars get?

Santino is wearing thin on my patience. I have italian friends who wet themselves laughing when they see him because he sounds more like a frenchy! Move him to the B show where he belongs, with the rest of the goofy morons like Hornswoggle (who in turn, turned Finlay into one) and Miz!

VR!

To give your italian friends their due l can see why they feel that way,But as an Irish Person l so get him(probably cause he does sound so terribly funny,l would love to see him Mediate in a (HHH & Steph counseling session(for wwe purposes only),The S**T they could give him to play with ,and he (if allowed )would go ALL the way with.:D

ShawnRaven

sharpshooterH wrote: »

To give your italian friends their due l can see why they feel that way,But as an Irish Person l so get him(probably cause he does sound so terribly funny,l would love to see him Mediate in a (HHH & Steph counseling session(for wwe purposes only),The S**T they could give him to play with ,and he (if allowed )would go ALL the way with.:D

For me, Santino has just lost his longetivity, on the mic, he can be funny, but it's the same sh*t with a different player every month, which just bores me after a while. Rock was different because he had lines for everyone. Santino is just mispronounce your name, talk down to you, slap ya in the face, lather rinse and repeat (and that's with WWE writing the scripts, he'd probably be a lot worse without them!)

Meh, i think i just got spoilt by Wrestling from 1997-2002.
VR!

Mr.Nice Guy

validreasoning! wrote: »

It is when you're leaving the company to work for the opposition!

And who was it that told Bret to work for the opposition? Oh yeah...Vince!

Sharpshooter

Mr.Nice Guy wrote: »

And who was it that told Bret to work for the opposition? Oh yeah...Vince!

Yeah thanks for that,(contracts and all that).:D

ShawnRaven

Mr.Nice Guy wrote: »

And who was it that told Bret to work for the opposition? Oh yeah...Vince!

Yes, a business decision on his part as Bret wasn't drawing diddly squat to draw his salary as a main eventer during 1997. Bret's contract was up for negotiation in 1996, Vince really should have balked on re-signing him and letting Turner grab him there and then, avoiding all that mess rather than signing him to a 20 year deal later that year just to make sure Turner couldn't have him.

But hey. it's the wrestling world, and sh*t always happens.
VR!

Bret wasnt midcard at stampede. Vinces reason for buy stampede was to get talent such as the bulldogs and Bret.

With regards Bret not doing what he was told. Ahem , this was once compared to that of HBK who has a long history refusing to job.

The famous incedent was the tribute for Peter Miavia show were HBK was asked to job. He refused. He would job at a tribue show. A 14 year old 6 foot 2 Rock started a fight with Michaels.

Rock joins the WWE and were HBK refuses to job to him. Not only that but HBK tried to hold him back.

HBK is worse at not doing what he is told he has a terrible history. Most wrestlers that work with him didnt like him. He did nothing for anybody.

Sharpshooter there is no point arguing, Wrestling to VR is simple , it goes like this .....


Bret is round (fat)

Bret has done nothing the last 10 years ? (umm retired)

Bret is sh!t but i cant back it up

Big show is the Bigslow because he is big and slow. He should be small and fast.

Undertaker is the Crippletaker ,because he gets injured "all" the time and he is old.

All samoans are fat and telentless

Samoa Joe Overrated

Umaga is slow

John Cena Sucks (i agree)

Triple H is Cripple H , same as taker.

Brock Lesnar is fat

Matt Hardy is a moaner (could be right)

Chris Masters will be the next Nature Boy

Chris Jericho has horrible tights :cool:



Oh thats just off the top of my head ..

You got to love him really . I do