My own Ross Geller problem

christeb

OK, so I bring in sandwiches to work - 3 whole sandwiches wrapped up in tin foil - that's 6 slices if that's how you count...

The event in question has happened twice, what to do???

I've come to the fridge, to find the package has been opened and someone has taken a sandwich out and repacked. Its really starting to freak me out!

The office is not big, maybve 20 people in total, but my Co. only accounts for a small amount of that, so I can start goign around and smelling people's breath, examining desks for crumbs etc.

I was thinking of lacing the top sandwich with some sort of laxative, the culprit should then be easily identifiable later in the day:eek:.

Any other ideas?

whiskeyman

Poo sandwiches ftw!

Rb

Forget laxatives. Just stick a load of sewing needles/thumb tacks in the sandwhich.

You'll identify her much quicker and more effectively.

Then stab them on their way to the car that evening.

Collie D

Poison sandwiches...this warrants murder. Either that or put a post-it note on your sambos.


Wouldn't go putting laxatives on anything, you could end up with a assault charge on your hands.

Cool_CM

Lunchbox and padlock
Or else a razor blade in the top sandwich, a bit harsh though

christeb

All excellent advice

My question is though - what kind of sick deranged animal eats someone elses sandwiches??

AlmightyCushion

Murder one of your co-workers each day. The one day your sandwhiches aren't gone then the person you murdered that day is the culprit. Extreme? Maybe but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Rb

christeb wrote: »

All excellent advice

My question is though - what kind of sick deranged animal eats someone elses sandwiches??

They're obviously poor and can't afford their own lunch.

Kidnap their children, that'll show them.

Sangre

Rb wrote: »

They're obviously poor and can't afford their own lunch.

Kidnap their children, that'll show them.

Better yet kidnap their children, kill them and then make sandwhiches out of them.

star-pants

I'd be fairly ticked off if someone ate my lunch....

hmmm good suggestions.... you could also put tobasco sauce or paprika or something uber spicey on the sandwich, oooh maybe a little bit on the bread outside too... so that if they get it on their fingers n rub their eyes it'll sting!!

funk-you

christeb wrote: »

OK, so I bring in sandwiches to work - 3 whole sandwiches wrapped up in tin foil - that's 6 slices if that's how you count...

The event in question has happened twice, what to do???

I've come to the fridge, to find the package has been opened and someone has taken a sandwich out and repacked. Its really starting to freak me out!

The office is not big, maybve 20 people in total, but my Co. only accounts for a small amount of that, so I can start goign around and smelling people's breath, examining desks for crumbs etc.

I was thinking of lacing the top sandwich with some sort of laxative, the culprit should then be easily identifiable later in the day:eek:.

Any other ideas?

Under the slice of bread leave a note saying "this is not yours you cheap f/ck" When he bites into it the note will come out and he'll read it.

-Funk

Caoimhín

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Murder one of your co-workers each day. The one day your sandwhiches aren't gone then the person you murdered that day is the culprit. Extreme? Maybe but desperate times call for desperate measures.

And rape, dont forget the auld raping.

Nerin

quality thread!!!

king lycaon idea for the win. feed em human flesssh

Radharc na Sleibhte

http://www.chilefarm.co.uk/sauces6.html

A small spreading of any of the sauces featured and your culprit will be making himself know whether he/she likes it or not.

funk-you

Or you could just rub one out onto the sambo i suppose.

-Funk

Radharc na Sleibhte

What kind of dirty skobie eats a (more or less) strangers sandwich?
Sandwiches, either have to be made by me, or in front of me, otherwise no. I dunno why.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

start spreading it around the office that you love slug sandwhiches and the weather is just great for them this time of year.

Bogger77

Chilli seeds, ftw!!

gogglebok

The note inside the sandwich is a brilliant tip. Please do it and let us know how you get on.

You could also hook them up to a loud alarm of some sort, but that sounds a tad impractical unless you're working for a secutiry equipment firm.

Radharc na Sleibhte

Stick a few bum pubes in.
(NB: Just remember which one said pubes are in)

r3nu4l

OP, it's better that they eat your sandwich than fill it with man relish before re-wrapping it for you to eat

/Dang, we need an evil smilie!

arbeitsscheuer

booby-trap the sandwiches with a small explosive device. Next day, whoever's missing a hand is your culprit.

Rb

Sangre wrote: »

Better yet kidnap their children, kill them and then make sandwhiches out of them.

Nice

bronte

Picolax Ftw.
I'm also liking the note idea..you could even say 'I'm glad you enjoyed my sandwich yesterday, what kind would you prefer tomorrow?'
Shame them into fecking off.

christeb

Hilarious replies, my workmates (the SCUM) think I'm crazy giggling away

OK seeing as though I'm a bit of a pacifist I'll start with the strongly worded note inside the sandwich.

Thing is though, I don't want to wreck a sandwich every day (the 2 incidents have been spread out a couple of weeks), so I'll need some sort of protective covering for the note, to save them from the Caesar salad dressing that lurks within.

As you can tell the sandwiches are very important to me

Rb

r3nu4l wrote: »

/Dang, we need an evil smilie!

If you enter the charity raffle, you could win the ability to choose a new smiley for boards.

'Ol Jack Chance

a nice nitrogylcerine paste spread (carefully!) over the meat filling would go down a treat. as soon as our samburgaler chum bites down on that sandwich...kabloowie...no more chewing food

Caoimhín

christeb wrote: »

Hilarious replies, my workmates (the SCUM) think I'm crazy giggling away

OK seeing as though I'm a bit of a pacifist I'll start with the strongly worded note inside the sandwich.

As you can tell the sandwiches are very important to me

I really think you try raping their children first, much more subtle.

The guy

Place a slow acting poison in it that turns their face red, sell them the antidote for 1 million dollars.

http://jcwinnie.biz/wordpress/imageSnag/Dr_Evil.jpg

JazzyJ

funk-you wrote: »

Or you could just rub one out onto the sambo i suppose.

-Funk

funk-you wrote: »

Under the slice of bread leave a note saying "this is not yours you cheap f/ck" When he bites into it the note will come out and he'll read it.

-Funk

You've right idea here, but just combine the two, 1st day the dodgy sandwich, 2nd day a note telling them what delicious filling they had the previous day.

arbeitsscheuer

caoibhin wrote: »

I really think you try raping their children first, much more subtle.

Possibly too subtle. Remember: These are filthy ignorant sandwich-stealing monsters we're talking about here, not real people. Raping them might get the message across, but I'd still counsel physical violence - they might like being raped, and then you're back at square one. It's a dilemma.

JazzyJ

Collie D wrote: »

Poison sandwiches...this warrants murder. Either that or put a post-it note on your sambos.


Wouldn't go putting laxatives on anything, you could end up with a assault charge on your hands.

Don't really see what the problem with laxatives would be. You could always say they were for yourself.

funk-you

JazzyJ wrote: »

You've right idea here, but just combine the two, 1st day the dodgy sandwich, 2nd day a note telling them what delicious filling they had the previous day.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaannd......Boo-ya! The guy dry wretching did it!

-Funk

GhostInTheRuins

I don't know how anyone could eat someone else's sandwich, I'll only eat a sandwich made by myself.

You can't put anything obvious in it because it's likely they chack the sandwich first, and if it's something they like they'll take it. I think the pubic hairs were the best idea so far becasue even if they check it they probably won't see them untill they're pulling them out from between their teeth.

Mr E

When I saw the thread title, I thought you were going to say your girlfriend became a lesbian. This is so much more disappointing.

christeb

Mr E wrote: »

When I saw the thread title, I thought you were going to say your girlfriend became a lesbian. This is so much more disappointing.

I really hope that's not the case, the sandwiches issue is comparable in seriousness though

Radharc na Sleibhte

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Murder one of your co-workers each day. The one day your sandwhiches aren't gone then the person you murdered that day is the culprit. Extreme? Maybe but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Great idea, but they don't disappear on a daily basis. There's a good gap between each incident.

I'm thinking some kind of cage, that falls on him just as he is about a finger tip away from your sandwich, keeping him at the scence of the crime.

Le Rack

try the subtle ones first, note, spicey sauces etc, then go with a whole host if it continues, laxative, spicey sauce, pubes, rape...

although i do really like jazzyj's idea...

or summit slightly less fun, when you notice a colleague going for lunch, take a quick "toilet break" n spy on co-worker as they head to the canteen, once you see it is or isn't them you can go back to work, and on the discovery of the culprit make an make an extra sambo with laxative, chilli, etc whatever on it but them to chomp, also featuring a note, "I know who you are..."

Adam

I'd be very careful here, he/she may be smart and not just take the top one out. I say lace all thee with something different, and plan to eat something else yourself. Guaranteed satisfaction!

orestes

christeb wrote: »

All excellent advice

My question is though - what kind of sick deranged animal eats someone elses sandwiches??

I bet you it's a roma gypsy sneaking into your office and stealing your sambos!

Rabble rabble rabble!

Sherifu

Put some aids in the sandwich. The bad kind.

Adam

Sherifu wrote: »

Put some aids in the sandwich. The bad kind.

Super aids too much?

Adam

Sherifu wrote: »

Put some aids in the sandwich. The bad kind.

Harsh. But justified.

RobertFoster

A harmless dye might work too. Look for the person with the blue mouth.

Le Rack

RobertFoster wrote: »

A harmless dye might work too. Look for the person with the blue mouth.

yeah the ones from the joke shop etc? that would be awesome!

elmolesto

Just watch it again class

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOg641CGkyY

MOH

Is there meat in them? Just leave a slice of meat in the sun for a few days, then stick it in a sandwich, and make that the top one each day. If your sandwiches aren't nicked, leave it aside and use it again the next day.

If someone gets food poisoning, it's hardly your fault. You obviously accidentally put some bad meat in the sandwich they stole from you.

Cool_CM

arbeitsscheuer wrote: »

Possibly too subtle. Remember: These are filthy ignorant sandwich-stealing monsters we're talking about here, not real people. Raping them might get the message across, but I'd still counsel physical violence - they might like being raped, and then you're back at square one. It's a dilemma.

Could try feeding them their children?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_Tenorman_Must_Die
Funniest episode ever!

Acid_Violet

I thought this was going to be about the amount of times you've been married....

DonJose

Have dinner at your local Indian, order a HOT curry. When you get home have a curry sh!te, don't flush, drop a slice of ham into the toilet and let it stew overnight. Next morning remove the curry/sh!te flavored slice of ham from the toilet, make sambo, instead of mayo jizz over the sambo, go to work and hope somebody steals/eats it.

Abi

I thought it was going to be about how his friend is now seeing his long-term on-off g/f. Im not that disappointed however.


I do however have a plan. Obviously the OTT stuff could leaveth the man locked up.

This depends on the kind of sandwich you usually eat. We will say ham and cheese for the sake of argument. Set aside some space in your fridge for a container in which you will allow some ham and cheese to go past their best-before date. Not to far beyond now, other wise the funkiness will put them off. Slather a relish sauce or some salad cream and onions on it - anything that will help throw them off.

I'd bring along some non-perishable food for yourself that day. The scum should be writhing in agony all afternoon.