Online Dating

Rosielee

Just wondering if anyone has tried this and whether it actually works.....

My friend has just told me that she has been secretly online 'dating' a Danish man for the past couple of months, and they plan on meeting up in October... she's convinced it will end happily ever after and that he's the guy for her...

However, I'm a little sceptical about how this might work out for her....and although I want to support her, im finding it hard to get my head around the fact that u cannot fall for someone who u have never met..

But maybe im being over cautious and they will end up together....

has anyone got any experience or success/failure stories to share...??.

biko

Hi these are threads previously on this topic
http://www.google.ie/search?hl=en&q=Online+Dating+site%3Aboards.ie

I'm all for it. Chances are greater to find a nice person online than at a club. Also you can develop the relationship further before you commit to anything.

Maggie Simpson

Rosielee wrote: »

Just wondering if anyone has tried this and whether it actually works.....

Yes I have tried & it does work.

Rosielee wrote: »

My friend has just told me that she has been secretly online 'dating' a Danish man for the past couple of months, and they plan on meeting up in October... she's convinced it will end happily ever after and that he's the guy for her...

Maybe it will end happily ever after - maybe it won't. Her decision to take a chance.

Rosielee wrote: »

However, I'm a little sceptical about how this might work out for her....and although I want to support her, im finding it hard to get my head around the fact that u cannot fall for someone who u have never met..

Be sceptical, but don't voice it. It's her decision to meet him. If you want to support her, just support her & it's not up to you to get your head around her feelings.

davyjose

Maggie Simpson wrote: »

Maybe it will end happily ever after - maybe it won't. Her decision to take a chance.

+1 Just like an other relationship.

Op, would you have concerns for your friend thinking "he's the one" if she met him at a club? The world has moved on, thankfully.

Rosielee

Thanks for the replies guys

davyjose wrote: »

+1 Just like an other relationship.

Op, would you have concerns for your friend thinking "he's the one" if she met him at a club? The world has moved on, thankfully.

Thats a good point, I hadnt actually thought of it like that, and the answer, honestly would be no... I wouldnt have that concern, because if that happened, I am presuming that they would have a chance to date and see each other in person.....

I suppose I'm sceptical because ive heard the stories about online people not who they say they are.and it would be easier as they live in different countries to be whoever they want

...and because we are best friends, I know she wears her heart on her sleeve and I just want it to work for her, I really do. From what she says, he seems like a really nice guy and the do spend a lot of time chatting on MSN....so maybe im just being too suspicious..

But I'll take the Maggie's advice and keep quiet about my reservations..and be supportive in the hope that he is being genuine and not leading her up the garden path.....

RedXIV

Rosielee wrote: »

im finding it hard to get my head around the fact that u cannot fall for someone who u have never met..

I promise you if you spend more and more time online these days on various instant messengers, chatrooms and forums (free boards.ie advertisment ) you come to realise that it is quite easy to fall for someone over the internet. Remember, you're only exposed to personality on these sites and while looks can fade (if you can't afford botox) personality is consistant and a strong selling point for any individual

preilly79

it worked for me. married for two and a half years now

valleyoftheunos

A friend of mine met a canadian Girl on-line and they started internet dating, MSN, phone calls that sort of thing.

they met for the first time after 6 months or so and continued to go out for a further 12-18 months. Thats better than plenty of relationships, the only question is if you trust her judgement as to wheither he is genuine or not.

DD

For me too, we met by accident in my country, after that we kept in touch through the chats. One day we realized was more and after 2 years we moved together in my country.
Everything is possible...

AARRRGH

If you already have low self esteem, and you're not photogenic, it might be a bad idea to give it a try. I've read a lot of posts on boards.ie where non-photogenic people who tried online dating now have even lower self esteem.

If you make the most of your appearance, and make sure you're out and about, I would imagine you'll have more success in the real world.

niavie

Go for it! After all you only live once. Meeting someone online leaves you in total control of the situation, which I think is quite appealing to a lot of people. You have the chance to form a relationship on your own terms and then if you both decide too you can meet. If you don't want to talk to someone you don't have too. Winners all round I think..Give it a go and Best of luck!

chuci

keep your reservations to yourself and support your friend even if it goes belly up/ dont say i told you so or anything like that, which im sure you know yourself. the world has moved on and this internet dating thing works out for a lot of people at least you can screen the people before you meet up with them imo.

[Jackass]

Rosielee wrote: »

I suppose I'm sceptical because ive heard the stories about online people not who they say they are.and it would be easier as they live in different countries to be whoever they want

Yeah but she's not a 12 year old child is she? I mean this guy isn't a peado talking in chat rooms, these are people who have met on an online dating site, seen photo's of eachother, have probably spent hours talking on Skype and whatever so I'm sure he's who he says he is in terms of appearance and personality.

As for leading her down the garden path or not being who appears to be...well, the internet didn't invent that, was happening well before our time I'd imagine...

I've looked at dating sites, curios to see what's out there and what have you , but I've never actually gone to the extent of emailing people or meeting people...but if I saw a hotty when I looked, no doubt I'd sign up and try and talk to her, why not? It's only people after all advertising the fact that they're on the look out for somebody, I think it's shaken it's seedy status over the last few years and is now just another social scene for people to meet and talk..

AARRRGH

[Jackass] wrote: »

if I saw a hotty when I looked, no doubt I'd sign up and try and talk to her, why not?

This is what I think is wrong with online dating (no offence [Jackass]).

I don't think it works for people who are not good looking.

Online dating is based purely around how good your photo is.

[Jackass]

True.

But having said that, I'm sure people talk and get to know eachother the way people do in the real world and can forge connections that way? I don't know, but if I was to start using internet dating I'm sure I'd chat and see what people are like, I mean, not many photo's are going to be completley deceptive and people can have 3 or 4 photo's. If you're good looking your good looking, if you're not you're not.

Granted dating etc. isn't all about that, and I agree you would leave yourself open to a serious confidence bashing by going on one of these things, but after initial attraction and begining of conversation, I'm sure you'd have more than one grainy picture from the 90's to go by before you decided to meet up.

AARRRGH

From what I've read (on boards.ie) it seems the unattractive girls are ignored on dating sites. Or if their picture is private, as soon as they share it with the guy he disappears...

Seems a bit cruel!

davyjose

dublindude wrote: »

I don't think it works for people who are not good looking.

What does? Ugly people tend to get left behind in the real world too. At least this way they're given a chance first.

AARRRGH

davyjose wrote: »

What does? Ugly people tend to get left behind in the real world too. At least this way they're given a chance first.

I appreciate in the real world the girl may not be approached either, but with online dating the girl may be chatting to the guy, thinking everything is going great, only for the conversation to be killed as soon as she shares her photo.

I think that is sad, and not good for people who already feel a bit ugly...

At least in the real world you have other tools apart from your photo to get people's attention, e.g. being smiley, natural pheromones, etc. (You know what I mean )

LurkingLady

dublindude wrote: »

Online dating is based purely around how good your photo is.

Well, that's not much different from the real life pub/club dating scene, is it? Online dating may, as you say, be based on the quality of your photo and the level of your photogenity (sp???) but in real life the first dating stage is based purely around how good you look on that particular occasion. Either way, not-so-good-looking people have it bad
The difference is, the first stage of online dating (after being singled out on the basis of your photo that is) is based on conversation, and if you get on well, then when you meet up even if the reality is slightly worse than cyberspace would indicate looks-wise, you're more willing to overlook it.

Tbh, I think Internet is a great way (well, one of many great ways) of meeting people. As someone said previously it allows you to screen your potential date before meeting face to face and anyway it's great fun

Personally, i did fall for a guy I met online - as in fell really bad- and even though nothing will probably come out of (loooooooooong distance) at least I now've got an amazing friend I can talk to when my friends from home are not around.

Best of luck to your friend OP,hope it works for her

AARRRGH

OK, it's just my opinion, based on what I've read on boards.ie.

Personal question LurkingLady: are you good looking?

LurkingLady

dublindude wrote: »

Personal question LurkingLady: are you good looking?

Not for me to decide, is it?
Sent you a PM though

AARRRGH

LurkingLady wrote: »

Not for me to decide, is it?
Sent you a PM though

Yep, you're cute, so I don't think you're going to be scaring men away!

If you weren't cute though, would your online dating experience be so positive? I don't know.

Anyway, I've said my piece! I can imagine people feeling very unattractive, unwanted, unloved after trying online dating. I think that's very sad.

/End rant

LurkingLady

dublindude wrote: »

I can imagine people feeling very unattractive, unwanted, unloved after trying online dating. I think that's very sad.

/End rant

Yeah, I get what you're saying and I read those boards.ie threads too. But I've also seen a lot of girls feeling very unattractive, unwanted and unloved after being the only one of their group NOT chatted up in a pub, club or a disco. I don't think you can win in a situation like that but you can and should keep trying. Personally I think, it's easier and less painful if you try on the Net but I might be wrong.

As for my own online dating experience - I doubt it had anything to do with my looks (thanks for the compliment BTW ) I was just extremely lucky to find a guy that sweet and intelligent. And luck plays A MAJOR role in the world of dating - online or otherwise

Special K

I tried/am currently trying it. Thought it was going to be full of weirdos then realised I'm not a weirdo so figured not everyone can be that bad. Have yet to meet anyone but at least it's an option It is based around photos I guess though, so will have to try and ensure that I look okayish in mine! Eeek!

seahorse

Well I'm not single but if I was online dating is about the only way in which to meet someone that I would definitely not consider. I just think there's too much scope for bullsh!t-artists online; it's too golden an opportunity for people to lie about their personal circumstances and who they really are.

I know one lovely woman who met a man online; she definitely didnt deserve the crap he put her through. He claimed to be single, seperated from the mother of his child. My friend fell madly in love only to find that he was in no way seperated and in fact his partner was pregnant with their second child. You might say that could happen in any circumstance, and so it could, but I think it's much more likely when you're talking to a screen to begin with.

AARRRGH

I know what you mean. It's easy to cheat when you're at home with your wife, "just browsing the web". There's no need for the cheater to make excuses so he can go to the pub with his mates and try to score...

Drift

I've never tried online dating but I have spent quite a while in chatrooms and on message boards and I can say that there is a higher proportion of people online distorting the truth or outright lying about themselves.

However, even though the percentage of liars is higher there are still many fantastic people online. I have met some really great people (no girlfriends unfortunately ) and some of them are very close friends now.

AARRRGH

Although it's easier for people to lie online, it's also easier for people to be honest. I've had some very deep/meaningful conversations with people online; I know for a fact those same people wouldn't be able to talk to me like that face to face.

So I do think you can get to know people very well very quickly online.

You've still got to get passed the photo challenge though.

Drift

dublindude wrote: »

Although it's easier for people to lie online, it's also easier for people to be honest. I've had some very deep/meaningful conversations with people online; I know for a fact those same people wouldn't be able to talk to me like that face to face.

So I do think you can get to know people very well very quickly online.

This is VERY true from my experience too.

dublindude wrote: »

You've still got to get passed the photo challenge though.

Because I wasn't on dating sites the photo test wasn't an issue. Lucky for me because my face has a passing resemblence to the north end of a south bound donkey!

AARRRGH

Drift wrote: »

Because I wasn't on dating sites the photo test wasn't an issue. Lucky for me because my face has a passing resemblence to the north end of a south bound donkey!

Haha... maybe try the PETA dating forum... they're into donkeys!

Rosielee

Thanks everyone who shared their experience.

The up to date situation is this, - last night I called to her for coffee,and she was in the middle of a conversation with him on MSN....I had already decided following reading yesterdays posts, that I would forget my scepticism and encourage her to be happy....

Anyway, during the conversation we were introduced and I spent about a half hour chatting with him on the MSN....saw his photo too...very good looking !!!

I have to say that I can see now why she would like him, as he appeared to be very genuine, and did not mind me taking over her comp !!....nor me asking him questions ( i hope i didnt appear to him to resemble sherlock holmes, !! ) I would usually consider myself to be a good judge of character and I would have a very good idea within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone whether I like them or not....and am pleased to say that he appeared to be everything she said he is....

He was chatting to me about coming over to visit her in a couple of months once they get to know each other, and he said that he didnt want to rush things..which I was relieved to hear....

The point of the story, is that i havent seen her as happy as she is now, in quite a while, and that struck me when i visited her yesterday.....so maybe i should be the one to think twice in future before allowing suspicion to take over my thoughts....

As a previous poster said, it may work out for them, and then again maybe it wont.....but i feel a bit easier now that she knows what she is doing...

It could be said that it is none of my business but i only want the best for her

Hopefully in a couple of months I will have some good news to report...

Thanks again folks

Rosielee

Ok guys......the inevitable has happened ..... its over.....:(

I took everyone's advice here and kept my hesitations about their relationship to myself...and I really am disappointed that I was right all along

Apparently...my friend was not the only girl he like to chat to....there were others....she found out when she called him one day last week and apparently he was on skype and msn with 'a friend'.....she asked him who this friend was and he freely admitted that it was another girl from the dating site.

OMG......obviously my friend was a bit upset by this....

so... she had a good chat with me about it ( she really is in bits over him ) and left it for 2 days before she contacted him again.

She told him that if he wanted to build a relationship with her, then he had to be prepared to leave his other ' friends' ...unfortunately for her, he told her that he wouldnt do that because he liked to message other women, and for them to message him......

My friend told him to take a hike !........and now she is in bits......and I'm sooo angry at him that I could quite happily book a ticket to knock him out !!!

Gsus I wish I wasnt right......and now its all ended in tears

muppetkiller

Wait a minute...they haven't met each other yet correct ?
So he's chatting with other girls online too...which is perfectly normal.
But the difference is he probably spends 90% of his time with your friend.

I was under the impression Online dating is when you decide that you get on and then you date ? Not that you're dating before you even meet up.

What's next virtual cheating on your virtual girlfriend .... :rolleyes:

muppetkiller

Just to add I've been your friend in this situation where I wasted months on a girl only to finally meet up with her and it go nowhere..mind you we are best friends now but looking back the amount of time I wasted on this girl when I could've been trying to meet another 'someone special' seems so stupid.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear that.

I met a lovely American girl via the Internet last year.
Lots of emails, chatrooms, phonecalls.
I sent my pics to her - she said she was 'not running for the hills' ...

Sent some more emails, some more phonecalls ... eventually - got NO reply.
Essentially, she just 'disappeared' on me.

I do not know exactly what happened ; she made no explanation.

So ... what do I THINK happened ?
I think she met some other guy ... more local ... on one of
her outdoor adventure weekends - and she didn't have the
'courage' to tell me the truth up straight.

But this is not purely because of the Internet ... **** happens
when you meet people ... even by other means too.

RealEstateKing

think you can really 'get to know' somebody online.

Use it to find someone that looks decent in a photo, and seems like an interesting person, and meet for a drink as quickly as possible.

You cannot get to know somebody on-line and even if you do , you might meet them six months later and find you're not actually attracted to them.

Apart from that it's a good way to meet people if you find yourself getting stuck in a rut - I'd had a dry spell for ages - not meeting girls in work, not meeting girls in the parties I went to , so I gave it a whirl.

At least online you dont waste 2 hours chatting to a girl at a party, only for her to go "So anyway, my boyfriend says..."

Aarrghh!

Drift

That's a pain in the ass OP. It can be very hard to make a judgement call about people online because you can't read body language or even see how they interact with other people. So while the relationship meant one thing to your friend it obviously meant something very different to him.

It's unfortunate and something I've been caught with myself before, but getting over it is very much the same as getting over any other break-up. The same set of tips and advice holds. All you can do is just be there for her and when the time comes be there to be her "wingman" when she's back on the pull!

Overheal

dublindude wrote: »

This is what I think is wrong with online dating (no offence [Jackass]).

I don't think it works for people who are not good looking.

Online dating is based purely around how good your photo is.

not purely. Sure just last night I was on plentyoffish reading someone's bio; decided to give them a message just as a matter of actually bothering to write themselves up an honest bio.

Hell of a lot cheaper than a nightclub anyway. And much cleaner.

dilallio

Overheal wrote: »

Hell of a lot cheaper than a nightclub anyway. And much cleaner.

Cleaner???
Not always - Found a reference to this dating site in my email spam folder
http://www.stdfriends.com/

Yuckkkkkkk!
Freaky or what ???

jptk

Alot of talk about "looks" on this thread....
What I have done in the past, is read someones profile, see what there interests are and what they are looking for and if I share similar interests, send a message and see what happens. Im sure im not the only one who does this so cant all be about looks as some are suggesting.
Also, what exactly is "ugly"? There is always gonna be someone out there who finds you attractive. You may not be "good looking" in a conventional sense but that makes no difference. If relationships were all about looks and you had to be "good looking" to find someone, then there would be a hell of alot more single people out there.

BraziliaNZ

jptk wrote: »

Alot of talk about "looks" on this thread....
What I have done in the past, is read someones profile, see what there interests are and what they are looking for and if I share similar interests, send a message and see what happens.

But why would you send a message to someone who is pig ugly?

littlefriend

I have to say l love dublindudes replies - they always make me laugh [when they are meant to I mean].
Anyway, I'm thinking about doing this too - any recommendations about good websites? I remember there was some guy on here previously that owned a dating/meeting site and a girl sent him her photo to see what he thought because she had been getting on great with guys and when she sent them her photo she never heard from them again. How awful is that. Anyway, she pm'd the guy who owned the site who told her she looked a bit overweight in the photo which I thought was good and honest of him because he was gentle in the way he said it to her.
So anyway, any site recommendations? And what do you do about photos? Like just a face shot or what?
thanks
DD I might send you a picture for your assessment if necessary

Gyalist

Online dating is the last refuge of the desperate and the socially inept. I can't for the life of me see how it is a productive use of one's time. However, I'm not at all surprised that so many people here do it instead of trying to improve their social skills.

RedXIV

Gyalist wrote: »

Online dating is the last refuge of the desperate and the socially inept. I can't for the life of me see how it is a productive use of one's time. However, I'm not at all surprised that so many people here do it instead of trying to improve their social skills.

harsh and not true. I've no problem in meeting people in pubs and clubs and various other venues but i have to say i enjoy chatting to people online and meeting up with them. mainly because someone that can keep up online is guaranteed not to be as thick as a tree stump.

RealEstateKing

I know all sorts of people , good-looking and otherwise that do it.

How is it any different form going to a particular party, club or pub, cause "there'll be girls there." ?

Well, it's different cause online, you can be sure the girls/guys in question are single, there isnt loud music playing at 9000 decibels when you meet them, so you can have a conversation, and you're are actually *shock* SOBER - which as you well know is a bleeding rare occurence in this sozzled isle.

For many it provides a welcome alternative to this country's rather grim, drunk dating scene.

As Dylan Moran says:

"In the British Isles we get ripped, ****-faced, pissed, go to somewhere loud and try and meet someone to spend the rest of our lives with, but you wouldnt buy a toaster when you're drunk, cause it's too important."

valleyoftheunos

Gyalist wrote: »

Online dating is the last refuge of the desperate and the socially inept. I can't for the life of me see how it is a productive use of one's time. However, I'm not at all surprised that so many people here do it instead of trying to improve their social skills.

Nice social skills there yourself.

jptk

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

But why would you send a message to someone who is pig ugly?

Whats ugly to you wont be ugly to everyone

GirlInterrupted

I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows someone who should read this thread....seems not to work out more often than it does work out.

LurkingLady

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows someone who should read this thread....seems not to work out more often than it does work out.

To be honest, i think the odds of an online romance working out are just about the same as in the case of a pub/nightclub romance. Booze can alter one's personality/perception of people's appearance to the same extent as the anonymity and other resources (photoshop) that internet has to offer.
The thing is, you won't know until you try and if you get don't find your other half at the first attempt doesn't mean you never will or that the method your using is useless.
Just remember one thing, fate helps those who help themselves. Your prince charming won't be coming knocking on your door unless you invite him in or at least let him know he's welcome if ya know what I mean

Auldloon

It has certainly worked for me. After a few dates with different people some good some not i met an amazing girl on match and were together a year and a half now. In fact a few guys i work with have tried it since having seen what a sucess it has been
My advise is to meet asap as you can easily form a false impression of someone you meet online. Usual precautions meet in public place in daytime etc

LegacyUser

Im in he same boat. meet a lovely girl on line chatted for a few months have same interests get on well.

I've meet her about 4 times now and get on great talk for hours, listen to music and general relax

I have de register my online account, but I know she is still logging on to here account every day as I had a notify alert that sends me e-mails when she logs on

I think she is still chatting with loads of other guys, what should I do ??