Hurt

Unregaccount

Seems stupid to post this on the internet for people to look at. Ive been going out with a girl for the last 3 years who i absolutely adore, during the week she told me it was over, she wasnt feeling it anymore and she had fallen out of love with me.

I was building this life around this girl, she was my best friend, the love of my life and now she's gone, i miss her terribly, ive been crying non stop for four days, phoning her and just crying unable to speak, she seems emotionless. Id understand all this if she was my first love or something like that but its not, i just thought we were forever, thought we were soul mates. I keep telling myself she's doing this to me because she's doing her finals and is under immence pressure.

I cant live without her. Its unbearable not talking, and when we do talk its like she doesnt know me, talking about random nothingness.

Im only getting through my days at the moment with the hope that she will come back, i realise this is stupid thinking, shes gone. I stare at the phone waiting for it to ring, i check my messenger and my socail nettorking site, nothing.

She seems to think i can just accept this and be her friend, i can't, i want to hold her like i used to.

I think id be better dead, it would stop the pain.

AARRRGH

Relax. Everyone gets dumped at some stage. It's absolutely horrible, but it's a part of life.

I swear to **** in a few years you will be looking back at this period in your life thinking to yourself, "She wasn't that great".

My advice to you is to keep yourself busy.

When I got heartbroken, I joined an organisation called the "Ireland Palestine Solidarity Campaign". Seeing the terrible conditions Palestinians are living in kept my mind off my ex.

I can see you're at home on Friday night. Probably not a good thing.

I live in Dublin City Centre. I'm heading out to meet a few friends later. We're a fun bunch You're welcome to tag along if you're alone.

Jessers

dublindude wrote: »

Relax. Everyone gets dumped at some stage. It's absolutely horrible, but it's a part of life.

I swear to **** in a few years you will be looking back at this period in your life thinking to yourself, "She wasn't that great".

My advice to you is to keep yourself busy.

When I got heartbroken, I joined an organisation called the "Ireland Palestine Solidarity Campaign". Seeing the terrible conditions Palestinians are living in kept my mind off my ex.

I can see you're at home on Friday night. Probably not a good thing.

I live in Dublin City Centre. I'm heading out to meet a few friends later. We're a fun bunch You're welcome to tag along if you're alone.

That's so nice of you.

Keano

Very nice of you dublindude to invite him out.

OP, you will get over this - try meeting up with friends and keep your mind active. Do things that you had be meaning to do but never got the time, I am sure there is things you always wanted to do but being in a relationship prevented you from doing them.

Ruu_Old

Delete her number from your phone if it helps, you are only annoying yourself calling all the time. Do you have other friends, maybe from school or work or something? Now is the time to make a call to them. Best of luck.

Gummy Panda

dublindude wrote: »

I can see you're at home on Friday night. Probably not a good thing.

I live in Dublin City Centre. I'm heading out to meet a few friends later. We're a fun bunch You're welcome to tag along if you're alone.

That was very nice of you, dublindude!

I think people get so hurt from break-ups is because of the emotional investment they put into it. I suggest think about yourself for awhile. Go on a holiday with lads, change your look, etc.

You'll be alright in time. Try not to worry too much.

Gemini Sister

Yeah its amazing just how broken a heart can be. And how just when you think its really in smithereens it gets kicked into the ditch.

Hang in there. Take each day at a time, I know its hard but let her go her own way. Should she ever choose to come back that'll come from her, nothing you can do right now can influence her, except for staying away. And remember she is just ordinary like every one else, try not to keep putting her on a pedastal. Eventually you'll be on a new adventure with someone else.

Don't freak out if you're not cured in a week, just keep looking after yourself.

Everyone gets better eventually, including you.

Unregaccount

dublindude wrote: »

Relax. Everyone gets dumped at some stage. It's absolutely horrible, but it's a part of life.

I swear to **** in a few years you will be looking back at this period in your life thinking to yourself, "She wasn't that great".

My advice to you is to keep yourself busy.

When I got heartbroken, I joined an organisation called the "Ireland Palestine Solidarity Campaign". Seeing the terrible conditions Palestinians are living in kept my mind off my ex.

I can see you're at home on Friday night. Probably not a good thing.

I live in Dublin City Centre. I'm heading out to meet a few friends later. We're a fun bunch You're welcome to tag along if you're alone.

Thanks very much dublindude, thats extremely nice of you. Im not in Dublin though and i doubt very much id be able to leave the house at the moment. Im trying to stay away from pubs etc, if i had a drink now i probarbly wouldnt stop.

Im heartbroken, i cant eat, sleep. I want to go back to the way it was, i want to wake up with her in the morning. She was my best friend, i cant believe she's gone. Im a complete loser and she was the best thing in my life, im not close to my parents or brothers or sisters really, i invested too much of my life in her over the last few years and neglected friends and family.

Unbearable.

Keano

Unregaccount wrote: »

Thanks very much dublindude, thats extremely nice of you. Im not in Dublin though and i doubt very much id be able to leave the house at the moment. Im trying to stay away from pubs etc, if i had a drink now i probarbly wouldnt stop.

Im heartbroken, i cant eat, sleep. I want to go back to the way it was, i want to wake up with her in the morning. She was my best friend, i cant believe she's gone. Im a complete loser and she was the best thing in my life, im not close to my parents or brothers or sisters really, i invested too much of my life in her over the last few years and neglected friends and family.

Unbearable.

Get in touch with friends that you may have neglected, chances are they will rally around you.

AARRRGH

Unregaccount wrote: »

Im a complete loser and she was the best thing in my life

Ah come on, don't be silly

Think of it like this:

All those things you wanted to do, but couldn't because you had a girlfriend, you can now do.

If you honestly think you're a "loser", what would change your opinion?

Gym?
Education?
Better diet?

You can now focus on doing all of those things.

Honestly, the time between relationships (and it is only a matter of time before you meet someone else!) is a great time to get personal goals out of the way.

Unregaccount wrote: »

i invested too much of my life in her over the last few years and neglected friends and family.

That's pretty normal. Everyone neglects their friends when they're in a relationship. You can easily solve this by arranging to meet them.

Heckler

I'm sorry for your situation OP. I've been there and it's horrendous. All your thinking about is her and what shes doing and who shes with. Its torture. All I can say and I know its no help is it will get better. You're not a loser by any means, just another recruit to the army of the brokenhearted. I have no advice to help you get over it. You can join a hundred clubs and take up a hundred hobbies but you still have to get through the heartbreak. It'll happen but its tough. I'm in Cork if you need an ear to bend.

Good luck with it.

Gemini Sister

Unregaccount wrote: »

Thanks very much dublindude, thats extremely nice of you. Im not in Dublin though and i doubt very much id be able to leave the house at the moment. Im trying to stay away from pubs etc, if i had a drink now i probarbly wouldnt stop.

Im heartbroken, i cant eat, sleep. I want to go back to the way it was, i want to wake up with her in the morning. She was my best friend, i cant believe she's gone. Im a complete loser and she was the best thing in my life, im not close to my parents or brothers or sisters really, i invested too much of my life in her over the last few years and neglected friends and family.

Unbearable.

Yeah its is unbearable, isn't it? You just have to take the pain day by day in bite size chunks.
And try not to blame yourself for a decision she made.
Stay away. She will someday look back at you and maybe think she made a mistake by that might be years and years away.

When I was in your position someone said to me to remember that the love comes from you. That means you've got more there and will love again.

Gummy Panda

Yeah man, but the clubs and hobbies help. Make you take pride in yourself and not who you have on your arm.

Going forward there is a lesson to learn from this for your next relationship. Try not to invest everything in one person.

AARRRGH

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Going forward there is a lesson to learn from this for your next relationship. Try not to invest everything in one person.

I think this is good advice.

A lot of people lose themselves in their partner.

I don't know if this is natural/healthy or not, but it definitely makes breaking up a lot more difficult!

Gemini Sister

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Yeah man, but the clubs and hobbies help. Make you take pride in yourself and not who you have on your arm.

Going forward there is a lesson to learn from this for your next relationship. Try not to invest everything in one person.

So true.

Unregaccount

I had a long post typed out but it timed out and lost all of it.

Its nice to know so many of you have been in similar situations. She's not my first love or my first serious relationship by any means either, i dont remember the pain like this the last time. It was tough for a few days and after that all was well. This time i feel like ive lost more.

She was perfect, we had 100% trust in each other, i could go out with the lads no problems and she could go out with the girls, no 20 questions. I cold ring her and say hey im goin to nite club with the lads she would say ok. There was nothing i couldnt do.

On the take up new hobbies thing, i have plenty. Im a regular gym goer, i play several games of soccer a week, im in full time education as a mature student, i just took up paragliding. She was so so supportive of me going back to college, supportive of anything ive done, supportive of me when i made mistakes. She always was looking out for me, she was beautiful, made me laugh, she was my best friend. You see i can have all the hobbies in the world but it means nothing if all i can think about is her, im cooked up here in my room with my study books out, staring at them - nothing going in, then looking back at my blank phone...

She was telling me she loved me up until last week, when it all came out she didnt love me she admitted she was pretending for weeks Harsh.

Im utterly broken, to all the people who invited me out or drinks thank you, i honestly didnt expect this amount of replies so fast.

Dublindude: true, i invested everything into her. She had me good, things were so good i never thought they would end, i invested emotionally too much and now im left with nothing.

AARRRGH

Unregaccount wrote: »

She was perfect

When I got dumped I thought the same thing.

I swear, please just believe me on this one, when people get dumped they put their ex up on a pedestal and can no longer see any faults.

This is normal; everyone does it.

You think she is so perfect, you have lost something amazing (as far as you believe), but I am 100% certain you will think differently next year.

She is not perfect.

Unregaccount wrote: »

Dublindude: true, i invested everything into her. She had me good, things were so good i never thought they would end, i invested emotionally too much and now im left with nothing.

You'll be ok.

I've restarted my life a few times.

What's important is you live your life the way you want to.

If you have hobbies or interests, now is the time to pursue them.

Unregaccount

dublindude wrote: »

When I got dumped I thought the same thing.

I swear, please just believe me on this one, when people get dumped they put their ex up on a pedestal and can no longer see any faults.

This is normal; everyone does it.

You think she is so perfect, you have lost something amazing (as far as you believe), but I am 100% certain you will think differently next year.

She is not perfect.

quote]

I still think she's perfect and maybe its the pressure of her exams thats making her act wierd and out of character, believe me it is out of character for her to do this, especially because the both of us are in the middle of our exams at the moment.
Do you think the break up has anything do do with the fact that for the last month all the both of us have done is study, we made no time for each other and all we did was study, even the sex was non-existant for the last month. I hope this is the case. She tells me theres no hope of us getting back together but how come we had 3 wonderful years and suddenly wallop its gone?!

I keep imagining her with other guys now, morons who just want her for a ride. What if she starts dating someone else...

jesus christ

AARRRGH

It could be exam pressure, but it's unlikely.

This will sound like an awful generalisation, but in my experience women are not impulsive when it comes to relationships. She has probably had these thoughts for a lot longer than a month.

The thoughts of her with other men... don't go there. Nothing positive will come out of thinking like that.

Unregaccount

What do i do?

I was thinking of booking a hotel for the weekend and just ask her to come, see if spending a little time with eachother mite work....

I know myself im scraping the bottom of the barrel here and i know its over but i just cant help myself.

Is it possible to get her back by being her friend or is the pain of not being able to "be" with her too much to take.

Should i just walk away... i cant

AARRRGH

I think you should try to get her back. At least you'll have tried.

If she says no, accept it, and slowly slowly move on with your life.

You will be fine.

Unregaccount

dublindude wrote: »

I think you should try to get her back. At least you'll have tried.

If she says no, accept it, and slowly slowly move on with your life.

You will be fine.

Thanks man, i needed someone to tell me to try and get her back, everyone is tellin me to move on. Of course ive already tried but she's still in exam mode. Although she has f**ked up my exams im not prepared to do that to hers so i will wait til they are over and book the hotel... i hope she agrees to come with me.

I cant give up on her, im worried that ill drive her further away though.

Thanks for the advice dublindude, guys arent too willing to give advice except for "plenty more fish" or "get back on da horse"... none of which appeal to me.

AARRRGH

Well I would agree with the "plenty of fish" advice but I understand that's not what you need to hear right now.

Try to get her back, and accept her answer whatever she says...

Hey - try not to **** up your exams. I know your head is melted, but you're going to have your exam results forever. Force yourself to study!

Gemini Sister

Unregaccount wrote: »

dublindude wrote: »

When I got dumped I thought the same thing.

I swear, please just believe me on this one, when people get dumped they put their ex up on a pedestal and can no longer see any faults.

This is normal; everyone does it.

You think she is so perfect, you have lost something amazing (as far as you believe), but I am 100% certain you will think differently next year.

She is not perfect.

quote]

I still think she's perfect and maybe its the pressure of her exams thats making her act wierd and out of character, believe me it is out of character for her to do this, especially because the both of us are in the middle of our exams at the moment.
Do you think the break up has anything do do with the fact that for the last month all the both of us have done is study, we made no time for each other and all we did was study, even the sex was non-existant for the last month. I hope this is the case. She tells me theres no hope of us getting back together but how come we had 3 wonderful years and suddenly wallop its gone?!

I keep imagining her with other guys now, morons who just want her for a ride. What if she starts dating someone else...

jesus christ

Whoa. Her future is not your business now. I know it hurts but the closeness has to be broken.
Also you're still blaming yourself. She made her choice. You could've broken up with HER over no sex but you didn't. You know how it is... you'd walk over hot coals for someone you want (as opposed to just love?). Thats not what she's doing. Its incredibly hard to believe that someone you want very much doesn't feel the same but it will make more sense if you put the distance between you (eventually!).

Saw my own 'heartbreaker' awhile back on the street. And smiled to myself thinking that ... yeah... me and him were good together... geat laugh, great love... yeah it could have gone another way ... but it didn't cause thats what he chose and if it had I wouldn't have had as many wonderful adventures as I have had... of course as luck would have it he met someone about six weeks after he broke my heart (five years ago), rumour has it they married ... while I was single for along time obsessing about him... but now I love again and am very well loved... when I saw him I didn't see a god or a bastard, just an ordinary guy on the street... he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw me, I just smiled cause I realised I wasn't jumping outta my skin... I wonder what he was thinking?

OP, no matter what you feel now, eventually it will fade like if you listen to a song the first 50 times its meaning gets deeper, by play 200 its lost its meaning.
We all heal

Unregaccount

Gemini Sister wrote: »

Unregaccount wrote: »

edit this was origionally posted by Gemeni Sister (not me)

Whoa. Her future is not your business now. I know it hurts but the closeness has to be broken.
Also you're still blaming yourself. She made her choice. You could've broken up with HER over no sex but you didn't. You know how it is... you'd walk over hot coals for someone you want (as opposed to just love?). Thats not what she's doing. Its incredibly hard to believe that someone you want very much doesn't feel the same but it will make more sense if you put the distance between you (eventually!).

Saw my own 'heartbreaker' awhile back on the street. And smiled to myself thinking that ... yeah... me and him were good together... geat laugh, great love... yeah it could have gone another way ... but it didn't cause thats what he chose and if it had I wouldn't have had as many wonderful adventures as I have had... of course as luck would have it he met someone about six weeks after he broke my heart (five years ago), rumour has it they married ... while I was single for along time obsessing about him... but now I love again and am very well loved... when I saw him I didn't see a god or a bastard, just an ordinary guy on the street... he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw me, I just smiled cause I realised I wasn't jumping outta my skin... I wonder what he was thinking?

OP, no matter what you feel now, eventually it will fade like if you listen to a song the first 50 times its meaning gets deeper, by play 200 its lost its meaning.
We all heal

God, every word of your post hurt me because i know its true. Ive never stuck around before to see an ex move on, last time i broke up with my then girlfriend i was heartbroken but i moved away and things were ok after a few months... this time its different, i will see her with other guys. Ive asked her not to break my heart anymore than it already is, if i had the money i would move away again, far away. When i see her my heart jumps i want to talk to her.

Gemini Sister

Unregaccount wrote: »

Thanks man, i needed someone to tell me to try and get her back, everyone is tellin me to move on. Of course ive already tried but she's still in exam mode. Although she has f**ked up my exams im not prepared to do that to hers so i will wait til they are over and book the hotel... i hope she agrees to come with me.

I cant give up on her, im worried that ill drive her further away though.

Thanks for the advice dublindude, guys arent too willing to give advice except for "plenty more fish" or "get back on da horse"... none of which appeal to me.

Oh God, the plenty more fish gang! I feel your pain....


Ok buddy, you seem to be a sucker for punishment. The weekend idea ain't half bad actually. Though a woman who hasn't cracked with tears probably won't crack now. However, if you must... one offer, act cool, be stylish, if she turns it down, walk. Believe me, she's feeling more than you give her credit for...

Though it reminds me of one time I tried to get an ex (another heartbreaker) round for negotiations after a break up. I spent three hours cooking an exotic currie JUST so my apartment could 'smell like the Orient' ... (the boy liked his food) ... yet he was still gone in fifteen minutes....

Ah feck it, heartbreak makes for good stories

Unregaccount

Gemini Sister wrote: »

Oh God, the plenty more fish gang! I feel your pain....


Ok buddy, you seem to be a sucker for punishment. The weekend idea ain't half bad actually. Though a woman who hasn't cracked with tears probably won't crack now. However, if you must... one offer, act cool, be stylish, if she turns it down, walk. Believe me, she's feeling more than you give her credit for...

Though it reminds me of one time I tried to get an ex (another heartbreaker) round for negotiations after a break up. I spent three hours cooking an exotic currie JUST so my apartment could 'smell like the Orient' ... (the boy liked his food) ... yet he was still gone in fifteen minutes....

Ah feck it, heartbreak makes for good stories

Thank you Gemeni, thats exactly what im going to do. She has cried, when we broke up i told her i couldnt handle "just friends" so i said my goodbyes and she broke down. She couldnt stop txting, bebo'ing or msn'ing me... i eventually give in and called her only to realise she isnt upset at all... go figure. We havnt talked today, she was supposed to call in "if she had time" tonight, guess what, she didnt.

My head says its over, my heart wont let it be over. Ive a feeling im in for more punishment.

I really hope she is feeling more than she is letting on, i will see her, act cool and stylish, ask once.

Gemini Sister

Unregaccount wrote: »

Gemini Sister wrote: »

, if i had the money i would move away again, far away. When i see her my heart jumps i want to talk to her.

And now yer talking sense, yessiree. If you can, move. If you can't JUST STAY WELL AWAY. You are going to meet so many hot chicks in your life. Fact. How you feel now is real. But its also just growing.
And to be honest wouldya wanna meet the love of your life at 20? Or 25? Or even 30? (well maybe 30? )... but seriously... you'd always be wondering about what else you can feel. Unfortunately you're feeling it now. But someday you'll be glad.

Gotta go now, gotta go travelling with my man tomorrow

Night OP x

Unregaccount

Thank you. 26 by the way.

Gemini Sister

Ok. Cool and stylish. Just once. But thats it. Make that deal with yourself. But be prepared to move on.
Trust me. I look back on the guys who's hearts I've broken with regret... but thats only something that comes with lotsa time. So far you've behaved admirably. You've not done any fighting with her or stalkerish stuff so you have nothing to regret or blame yourself for.... your integrity is intact keep it that way, you'll be fine.


Night babe x

Unregaccount

Gemini Sister wrote: »

Ok. Cool and stylish. Just once. But thats it. Make that deal with yourself. But be prepared to move on.
Trust me. I look back on the guys who's hearts I've broken with regret... but thats only something that comes with lotsa time. So far you've behaved admirably. You've not done any fighting with her or stalkerish stuff so you have nothing to regret or blame yourself for.... your integrity is intact keep it that way, you'll be fine.


Night babe x

Oh i dont know im feeling pretty stalker'ish right now, wondering where she is...

Will definately try the cool and stylish approach, thank you.

Gemini Sister

The stalkerish stuff comes very naturally to human beings. But really, if you're a stalker you can't expose yourself as a stalker, or then you're judged as a stalker... feck, its a tough old life,:D

I'm 33 BTW. I've noticed that if I'm being a stalker I excuse it as a 'grand passion'. If someone else is stalking me I say they are missing something in their life.. ah what you feel now will pass. Remember being a weirdo neirdy teenager? You are doing the twenty something version of that. Am not saying your feeling or your life situation isn't very real. Your girl is a babe or you wouldn't feel like this, but believe me you will feel these emotions and more for another girl. Where is she tonight? Probably wondering why her man doesn't love her enough... You both won't meet til you're ready.

(like me and my man )

Now stop yer whinging, I'm off

Unregaccount

I saw her today... i stopped to say hi, she was in great form, she asked me how i was - as i looked back at her with glassy eyes holding back the tears, i said not good darling.

She promised me she'd see me lastnigt and never turned up, and tonight she promised too, she never showed up. She says shes coming to see me in the morning to help me with my revision for my final two exams, so nice of her, i want more.

Loopy

Most people at some stage have gone through what you are. It's awful but you need to let go of her OP, the next few months will be hard but you have no option.

She sounds like she is moving on, so why put yourself through the pain of constant rejection? Busy yourself and try to be around people and talk, talk, talk about it. You will get over this... Good Luck.

oldboy

She dumped you because she thinks her feelings for you have changed, they probably have but you haven't accepted it. Telling you to your face she doesnt love you is always a good sign things are over !!!! seriously what more does she have to do ???

Your behaviour at the moment will not "win" her back. That is for sure.

Being teary eyed and comments like "not good darling", milking the broken heart story, moping about town and feeling sorry for yourself, failing your exams, becoming a stalker..............none of this is making her think she's made a mistake, all it is doing is making her feel guilty, and if you make her feel guilty enough she may snap and sleep with you, get back with you or "try" again and it'll just drag out until she snaps again and dumps you once more. Do you want her to get back with you because she feels guilty or so bad because you cannot handle life without her ?? Theres no romance in that. You're prob thinking any sort of contact you dont care how you get it you just want to hold her blah blah blah, thats rubbish and you need to take a step back and see how desperate it is.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and slap yourself in the face. Even if you dont feel like you're happy or moving on, act like you are. Focus on your exams and nail them (if you cant motivate yourself for you, do it for her to show her you can overcome this and still pull it out of the bag like a hero) walk around with a smile on your face, get out there and show her that you are man enough to get on with things, emotinally strong enough and a better person than she gave you credit for, before long acting like your fine and feeling fine will be the same thing.....................now when she sees you like that, that is when she will decide if she wants "YOU" back not the hurt, weak, needy version of you she is seeing at the moment.

And trust me I have been where you are exactly more than once man, and it has taken a few disasters to become wise to the above.

The dark side of that is, it'll never be the same again, very hard to keep it running and you'll prob waste another year or two of your life breaking up and getting back together before you realise you should have just let it go.

But you'll only learn those lessons yourself as do we all.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel. I was you 6 months ago, though the world was ending, felt i'd lost the rest of my life - he was perfect- he was the one etc.

It really hurts but I think the biggest mistake I made was to run after him, alot has happened since then, the situation has got so messy, it's becomea nightmare - we slept together then we hated eachother then we were friends, then we were jealous and only last night we slept together and of course, again, it means nothing.

If i was in your shoes now,and this was all fresh I would hold my head up high, hold on to my dignity and walk away.

If she changes her mind she knows where to find you. I know it sounds like the hardest thing in the world to do but seeing all the mistakes I have made I really feel if I had just walked away and had some respect for myself instead of begging him to reconsider he might have felt like he was losing something - fecks sake i'm still lettin him do whatever

Please walk away

MIN2511

Unregaccount wrote: »

Thanks man, i needed someone to tell me to try and get her back, everyone is tellin me to move on. Of course ive already tried but she's still in exam mode. Although she has f**ked up my exams im not prepared to do that to hers so i will wait til they are over and book the hotel... i hope she agrees to come with me.

I cant give up on her, im worried that ill drive her further away though.

Thanks for the advice dublindude, guys arent too willing to give advice except for "plenty more fish" or "get back on da horse"... none of which appeal to me.

Are you my brother by any chance?

My brother is going through the exact same...
Dude, you have to mourn your relationship. It's not that easy to move on, there would be days when you think you can't breathe, live, eat or think about anything else and there would be days when you would be glad it's over.... Time would shape and mould you, if you want to get her back go for it by all means. But don't blackmail her to get back with you, if she decides to be sure it's what ye really want rather than what you think you want.
All the best dude and keep us posted!

Unregaccount

oldboy wrote: »

She dumped you because she thinks her feelings for you have changed, they probably have but you haven't accepted it. Telling you to your face she doesnt love you is always a good sign things are over !!!! seriously what more does she have to do ???

Your behaviour at the moment will not "win" her back. That is for sure.

Being teary eyed and comments like "not good darling", milking the broken heart story, moping about town and feeling sorry for yourself, failing your exams, becoming a stalker..............none of this is making her think she's made a mistake, all it is doing is making her feel guilty, and if you make her feel guilty enough she may snap and sleep with you, get back with you or "try" again and it'll just drag out until she snaps again and dumps you once more. Do you want her to get back with you because she feels guilty or so bad because you cannot handle life without her ?? Theres no romance in that. You're prob thinking any sort of contact you dont care how you get it you just want to hold her blah blah blah, thats rubbish and you need to take a step back and see how desperate it is.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and slap yourself in the face. Even if you dont feel like you're happy or moving on, act like you are. Focus on your exams and nail them (if you cant motivate yourself for you, do it for her to show her you can overcome this and still pull it out of the bag like a hero) walk around with a smile on your face, get out there and show her that you are man enough to get on with things, emotinally strong enough and a better person than she gave you credit for, before long acting like your fine and feeling fine will be the same thing.....................now when she sees you like that, that is when she will decide if she wants "YOU" back not the hurt, weak, needy version of you she is seeing at the moment.

And trust me I have been where you are exactly more than once man, and it has taken a few disasters to become wise to the above.

The dark side of that is, it'll never be the same again, very hard to keep it running and you'll prob waste another year or two of your life breaking up and getting back together before you realise you should have just let it go.

But you'll only learn those lessons yourself as do we all.

This is so so true. Thank you everyone who posted all your comments have helped. I know what your saying oldboy, i should leave her alone, i know im not going to win her back, my head tells me this but my heart tells me not to give up, and that is when im going to become a stalker as u say and she'll end up thinking im a wierdo. I think i am trying to make her feel guilty, not intentionally though. I am in denial. I dont want to accept its over. Doesnt help the fact that i txtd her at dinnertime just to say "hi" and ive gotten nothing back, the pain is unbearable, the pain across my chest gets worse every time i look at my blank phone.

Thanks too to knowhowufeel, guest, i can see us heading in that direction, i wish i could just say stop, ive had enough and just walk. Truth is, she makes me get up in the mornings, shes everything to me.

****, i thought it'd never end.
I've got nothing...

oldboy

Unregaccount wrote: »

****, i thought it'd never end.
I've got nothing...

You've got your own two feet to stand on. You've got a whole world of opportunities out there........people you havent met yet, things you havent done, places you havent been.

You have music, friends, family and good weather to wrap yourself up in and take comfort from.

Get back to your roots, hang out with your nan for a day (trust me worth its weight in gold if you want to be reminded of who you are !!!) and some old mates. Go back to where you used to mess around as a kid. Get back to who you were before you became the relationship and lost yourself in it. You were somebody happy before you met this girl. You will be somebody happy after as well.

These are the moments that define who we are, shape our personalities and we learn from. You either step up now and make the effort and I mean MAKE it !! or you wallow in this for a while, think you've over it and wiser, then the same thing happens again and you realise you never dealt with it properly first time around or even learned how to deal with it.

I know you cant eat, feel sick, cant sleep and are like you're shell shocked. It is like a death, but you need to make yourself cold about it too.

Out of sight out of mind, change your number, get a new phone. Change your email address, bebo or whatever. Put all memories be it presents or trinketes in a box and stuff em away somewhere. Cut this old part of your life out for now, go back to it if you want when you feel better about it but Im telling you this is a very important step. You need to clear the slate. Doing it with the stuff wont erase the memories, but it'll get rid of any triggers and make you feel better, its nearly symbolic or something.

Empower yourself by taking action ! Be sad, cry, mourn but be proud of yourself and start doing things for you. Be proud that no matter what the hurt is you'll make the effort to move on.

You will surprise yourself and discover that there is more than one woman you can click with, share the same dreams tastes and intimate parts of your personality with, that you have the same "brain" as and is a soulmate. There is a woman out there who will love you 100% as much as you love her. And next time you will be a wiser, more mature individual and that will mean that when you do find it.........she will be one million times more special than this girl because you'll know its real.

Dont mess up your exams because of this, I did and all that happened was the repeats were a reminder of the whole fiasco. Dragged it out again and again.

Seriously now is the time for you to step up man !! you're well capable. I had my heart smashed twice, second time nearly killed me i took it that bad. If i'd learned from the 1st one properly and let go the second wouldn't have been so bad......... I'm trying to save you going down that route I wish somebody had said all this to me.................. but also letting you know you'll be ok.

You will be ok !! but you have to make it happen. Trust yourself !!..........and Good luck

Tar.Aldarion

Best of luck. Noting I will say will make you feel better, but you will feel better in time. We all have stuff like this happen, but you end up happy again.

OoSKYLINEoO

Gotta say i'm going through a very similar situation, broke up with her a month ago and while initially it was hell, absolutely hell i'm slowly healing, you will too OP don't go back i think it wouldn't be the same, not for me anyway. Tough it out, we both gotta.

allabouteve

Unregaccount wrote: »

I had a long post typed out but it timed out and lost all of it.

Its nice to know so many of you have been in similar situations. She's not my first love or my first serious relationship by any means either, i dont remember the pain like this the last time. It was tough for a few days and after that all was well. This time i feel like ive lost more.

She was perfect, we had 100% trust in each other, i could go out with the lads no problems and she could go out with the girls, no 20 questions. I cold ring her and say hey im goin to nite club with the lads she would say ok. There was nothing i couldnt do.

On the take up new hobbies thing, i have plenty. Im a regular gym goer, i play several games of soccer a week, im in full time education as a mature student, i just took up paragliding. She was so so supportive of me going back to college, supportive of anything ive done, supportive of me when i made mistakes. She always was looking out for me, she was beautiful, made me laugh, she was my best friend. You see i can have all the hobbies in the world but it means nothing if all i can think about is her, im cooked up here in my room with my study books out, staring at them - nothing going in, then looking back at my blank phone...

She was telling me she loved me up until last week, when it all came out she didnt love me she admitted she was pretending for weeks Harsh.

Im utterly broken, to all the people who invited me out or drinks thank you, i honestly didnt expect this amount of replies so fast.

Dublindude: true, i invested everything into her. She had me good, things were so good i never thought they would end, i invested emotionally too much and now im left with nothing.

I'm so sorry for the hurt you've suffered, op. Do whatever gets you through this, and please try not to be bitter, your obviously a very sensitive and loving person, and I hope that someone feels about me the way you do about your ex someday soon. Take care.

cacamilis

ive been reading this worried i know you... similar situation going on with someone i know! Space is always a good thing! hang in there!

Fatloss08

happened to me b4 i was gutted after 6.5 years , she dumped me and although i was gutted inside , i woudnt give her the satisfaction of seeing me upset , she said it was over and i was like " ok cheers cya round " she was astonished that i didnt cry ( i did that night on my own ) and she was all over me like a rash , she realised she made a mistake etc and loved me more , she said it was a test to see how much i loved her , and i told her if that was a test then to fook off , i dont need these mind games , i bought her a car , bought a house , proposed to her etc

if she was trying a test after 6.5 years then in my opinion i dont wanna be around somebody whos that insecure , i took 3 years off to be single had loads of flings and fun no commitment and now im with a far better and nicer woman

just take it easy , get ur bearings , do what u always wanted to do and enjoy the freedom

i know i sound like an asshole or heartless but im far from it , just hate games

AARRRGH

Fatloss08 wrote: »

i know i sound like an asshole or heartless but im far from it , just hate games

You don't at all. Anyone who is willing to hurt you like that does not deserve you.

Karen_*

I feel for you. I broke up with someone in Decenber and got sucked into the 'lets be friends' thing. Now in May I'm having to go through the break up again albeit its my decision. But I wish I'd just walked away in December and saved myself an awful lot of heartache. It was too hard though and thats where you're at at the moment.

Although it feels like its going to kill you, please just walk away and cut contact for your own sake. Please don't subject yourself to months of reinforcement that you're not wanted in the same way. Thats no good for anyone.

allybhoy

Been reading this for the last few days, and as a fella who's also had his heart broken, and broken hearts i wud safely say the best thing to do is to just 4get about her. Dont mean to sound harsh or non-understanding but I think u need to grow a set of balls and just get on with your life, as hard as it may be to take, she doesnt want you anymore and nothing you say or do is going to change that. I would strongly reccomend you dont txt/ring/see her until she wants to see/talk to you. Go out with your mates, get drunk, and try and have a good nite without her. Learn from this and the next relationship you get into dont get too wrapped up in her and try and make time for your mates aswell.

Having big threads like this is also definately not going to help you get over her. Sometimes man you just have to suck up the pain and hold your head high.

Best of luck anyhow.........

Unregaccount

Astonished at the number of replies... thank you all for your advice, its good to get advice from fellow males, i probarbly just need to talk about it, i mean if i said half the crap i posted here to my mates id just be lasughed at and told go get back up on the horse and plenty more fish blah blah.

So... in a nutshell i should just walk and save myself the heartache. Fair enough. Im coming around to the fact that its over. Im not saying that if i get a chance i wont pounce to get her back, but for now ive gotta let it go... The thing is my brain is just consumed with crazy ideas to get her back. Im still hoping she'll change her mind but what im going to do is try and play it cool, give her the "yeah whatever i dont care attitude".

Hopefully just hopefully... she'll realise... she wants me.

If not...

*sorry not to quote any of ye in particular but i really really appreciate the help here.

Almost forgot to say that she came over to my house this morning to help me with my exam i have in the morning, she text me at 9 this morning and volunteered and of course i said definately yeah come over, all happy with myself and getting my hopes up. Of course she came over allright, said hello lets do maths, we did the maths, then she left. No conversation whatsoever, i tried bringing up something about us and i got "the look". Since then ive gotten one text to say good luck in exam. So now she feels guilt over f*****g up my exams, great.

Karen_*

Well playing it cool is far more likely to work than running after her but if I were you I'd just try to be getting on with things and keep telling yourself its over. Very difficult to do because when we're suffering the mind keeps playing games with us.

There's one thing guaranteed and that's that you won't feel like this forever and it will get easier.

LegacyUser

She told you to your face she doesnt love you

She has not turned up twice, has shown 0 interest in getting back with you

You made he feel guilty enough that she called around to help you study, but made a clear and blatant statement in the way the she talked about nothing else and then left

for gods sake it is over !!!

winning her back is not going to happen..............you still havent accepted that !! "maybe she'll change her mind" "thinking of ways to win her back"......................thats not over anything mate, thats desperate thinking.

she has realised she does NOT want you !!! bar smacking you in the face and murdering you she cannot do any more to try get that across

you've been mollycoddled enough on this thread.........cop on and accept what is going on !!!

Unregaccount

Unregarrrrgh wrote: »

She told you to your face she doesnt love you

She has not turned up twice, has shown 0 interest in getting back with you

You made he feel guilty enough that she called around to help you study, but made a clear and blatant statement in the way the she talked about nothing else and then left

for gods sake it is over !!!

winning her back is not going to happen..............you still havent accepted that !! "maybe she'll change her mind" "thinking of ways to win her back"......................thats not over anything mate, thats desperate thinking.

she has realised she does NOT want you !!! bar smacking you in the face and murdering you she cannot do any more to try get that across

you've been mollycoddled enough on this thread.........cop on and accept what is going on !!!

Accepted.

I rang her today to ask about how her exam went... conversation turned into a tearfest again...

Basiclly told her that i cant handle the friends thing because im always holding out hope and one day she will be with someone else and ill still love her, if that happens ill be six feet under for sure.

I asked if we could meet up and say goodbyes... no... i couldnt manage it on the phone and since i was told to stay away, i said my goodbyes in an email... nice huh... after 3 years i get to say goodbye in an email.

So, the numbers deleted, the bebos gone, the msn's gone, the email's gone... out of sight for now. I am utterly destroyed.

What do i do next??