Ashamed of my job when i never was before

baby_blu

hi all

i am a cleaner, just started it, i really enjoy it, the moneys not great but i like it as i dont have a boss barking orders at me and i can work at my own pace. But im starting to reliase when anyone asks im ashamed to say im a cleaner.

Maybe i should give some backround.

My mam died when i was a baby, she was a v family orientated woman, family was her all, she never worked she stayed home and raised her children. And all ive ever wanted was to be a wife and mother its the only goal i want to achieve in my life(i know its a bit sad really) but i have no interest in having a big career, give me a happy marriage and a family and ill be in my element. Which is why i never really wanted anything big work wise, my jobs have been working in a chipper/shops etc. I have never in my life been ashamed of any of my jobs.

But since starting this one things have become v weird, im getting flashbacks of an old break up where my bf of 3 years left me for a nurse and his parting words were "at least shes doing something with her life unlike you"

And i have also found out one of my sisters (snotty one who married into money and thinks shes important) pretended i wasnt her sister cos she was ashamed of the fact i was a cleaner.

I am with my current partner four years now and im so happy, we are engaged and planning to buy a house in the next few years and have a few kids.Im thrilled with this, i finally have what i have always wanted. My fiance has told me many times if i want to stop working and be a kept woman it wouldnt bother him, but i dont like sitting round doin nothing.

Ok this went into a big essay here, but for some reason im ashamed of what i do, some of my friends work in factorys and another one is a cleaner in one of the factorys,few are in collage and a few are single mothers so its not like ive a bunch of investment bankers taunting my job or anything.

I just dont know where this has all come from:(

sorry for the essay

baby_blu

please...

Ciaran500

You're in a job you enjoy with partner who you seem to love and will soon be starting a family in your own house. Theres nothing there to be ashamed of, alot of people would be envious of you position.

newbusiness

Please don't take this as a criticism but I'd never date a girl without drive, ambition and intellectualism.

I know "all" you want to be is a kept housewife but you can do that with an phD and knowledge of what it is to have travelled the world.

My mother is in your position, albeit 30 years on.
She's raised a half dozen kids who've all grown up and now her race is run. She's young (mid-fifties), fit (tennis player) but redundant and frustrated at her own lack of education and loss of youth. She hasn't the drive to better herself and so is stuck trying to improve her only domain, the home.
Unfortunately, due to her lack of education, drive and experience this only extends to cleaning, tidying and nagging people to do the same.

Restricting yourself to the role of a kept housewife will end in your frustration and resentment when you see what you could have been, in addition to being a mother and housewife.

Plek Trum

I admire you. Your principles, values and outlook on life are great and you have a honest and refreshing persepctive. Be proud that you are working, there is absolutely nothing wrong AT ALL with being a cleaner. Its honest and damn hard work that we often take for granted. I hope you and your finacee will have a long and happy life together.. it sounds like you should! x

RedXIV

Ok, people with inferiority complexes are trying to get to you. Thats the only reason why someone would shoot down someone else over their job. no one WANTS to work for money, it's a necessary evil in today's society. But trust me, anyone that gives a damn about their reputation being tarnished by associating with a cleaner, isn't someone you need.

My dad's family was him and 5 sisters. and they all married into serious money. and i can see it changed some of them. he's a cop. probably the worst off of all of them. but he's still the most popular because he doesn't get involved in family arguments, he doesn't bitch, he helps everyone whenever he can. and he has me as a son of course .

Bottom line lass, your job is a TINY fraction of who you are, personality, dreams, ambitions, THATS what make you who you are. Why be ashamed of something so unimportant?

Hope this helps

Plek Trum

newbusiness wrote: »

Please don't take this as a criticism but I'd never date a girl without drive, ambition and intellectualism.

I know "all" you want to be is a kept housewife but you can do that with an phD and knowledge of what it is to have travelled the world.

My mother is in your position, albeit 30 years on.
She's raised a half dozen kids who've all grown up and now her race is run. She's young (mid-fifties), fit (tennis player) but redundant and frustrated at her own lack of education and loss of youth. She hasn't the drive to better herself and so is stuck trying to improve her only domain, the home.
Unfortunately, due to her lack of education, drive and experience this only extends to cleaning, tidying and nagging people to do the same.

.. my.. aren't you the enlightened one.. are you for real??!

baby_blu

Plek Trum wrote: »

I admire you. Your principles, values and outlook on life are great and you have a honest and refreshing persepctive. Be proud that you are working, there is absolutely nothing wrong AT ALL with being a cleaner. Its honest and damn hard work that we often take for granted. I hope you and your finacee will have a long and happy life together.. it sounds like you should! x

thank you thats so nice

Ebonyellie

a job is a job, if you do an honest days work you have nothing to be ashamed of, its the people who can work and live on state handouts that should be ashamed( and im talking about the ones who feel its their right to get something for nothing, not the ones who genuiely need assistance) so what if your a cleaner, its hard work, some people dont know the meaning of the word. I have far greater respect for someone who puts time and effort into a job, than some bigshot who may only have 1 or 2 sub ordinates but think hes god and cant bring himself to make his own tea, those small man syndrome types. Anyway, im glad you have found what you wanted in life, and if you were to be a stay at home wife/mother as many people are, that is a full time job in itself so dont be ashamed of that either - best of luck!

baby_blu

newbusiness wrote: »

Please don't take this as a criticism but I'd never date a girl without drive, ambition and intellectualism.

I know "all" you want to be is a kept housewife but you can do that with an phD and knowledge of what it is to have travelled the world.

My mother is in your position, albeit 30 years on.
She's raised a half dozen kids who've all grown up and now her race is run. She's young (mid-fifties), fit (tennis player) but redundant and frustrated at her own lack of education and loss of youth. She hasn't the drive to better herself and so is stuck trying to improve her only domain, the home.
Unfortunately, due to her lack of education, drive and experience this only extends to cleaning, tidying and nagging people to do the same.

Restricting yourself to the role of a kept housewife will end in your frustration and resentment when you see what you could have been, in addition to being a mother and housewife.

i dont like the way you said a "kept housewife", i never said that, people can work even when they have kids and thats what i intend to do though justan evening job or something, i wont be like my dad working all the time and spending his weekends in the pub and bearly talking to his kids

tbh

baby blu, there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in doing an honest days work for an honest days pay, and anyone who thinks otherwise isn't worth worrying about.

all the stars

Hi -

I need to say, you are a valued member of society, what you do is essentail. If you were not there to do your job (which you take pride in your work & enjoy- which i truely commend) people would be in an very unpleasant environment ....

Dont listen to anybody who ever talks you down because of your job - in The U.S it doesn't matter what you do once you do it well.. and that should be the case here too!

Continue enjoying your job - and you know, i have lots of respect for what you say ...
Its so much more important to be happy in life than be socially more acceptable to your family and be unhappy..

Feic them! you go girl!

Glowing

Yeah you probably have a better idea of what's important in life than the rest of us!

As long as your job pays the bills and you can comfortably afford to raise your family, then just do what makes you happy, don't be worrying about everyone else ....

Hey, you should read that thread posted up by Fuzzylogic: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055294376

- I bet you don't feel ashamed now!

celt2005

newbusiness wrote: »

Please don't take this as a criticism but I'd never date a girl without drive, ambition and intellectualism.

I know "all" you want to be is a kept housewife but you can do that with an phD and knowledge of what it is to have travelled the world.

My mother is in your position, albeit 30 years on.
She's raised a half dozen kids who've all grown up and now her race is run. She's young (mid-fifties), fit (tennis player) but redundant and frustrated at her own lack of education and loss of youth. She hasn't the drive to better herself and so is stuck trying to improve her only domain, the home.
Unfortunately, due to her lack of education, drive and experience this only extends to cleaning, tidying and nagging people to do the same.

Restricting yourself to the role of a kept housewife will end in your frustration and resentment when you see what you could have been, in addition to being a mother and housewife.

Don,t know how this could not be taken as a critisism......

You sound young, and quite opinionated, but I suppose the OP asked for opinions..

Education is not only way to make money, get job ... Drive , Knowledge in specific areas , people skills et al ...

To the OP , each to their own, if you are happy with your life whats the problem !!! , the grass is not always greener ...

Boom_Bap

You love your job.....not alot of people can say that.

Maggie Simpson

baby_blu wrote: »

i wont be like my dad working all the time and spending his weekends in the pub and bearly talking to his kids

Sounds to me like you'd make a great parent. A job is just that - a job. Some people see it is indicative of their status in life, others don't. And often the people who put so much emphasis on it are the ones who need that kind of validation. Different strokes.

jetski

that lad newbusiness has issues between him and his mother

i71jskz5xu42pb

Ciaran500 wrote: »

You're in a job you enjoy with partner who you seem to love and will soon be starting a family in your own house. Theres nothing there to be ashamed of, alot of people would be envious of you position.

Yes, a lot of people not a million miles from here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055294376

It would seem the 9 to 5 office job does not bring happiness by itself. baby_blu, you have it better than most.

baby_blu

Maggie Simpson wrote: »

Sounds to me like you'd make a great parent.

thank you, i just saw my dad day after day coming home barking at us for nothing, spending his weekend in the pubs and us having to carry him up to bed when he came home

I will not subject my kids to a **** unloving parent lke my dad was, i want my kids to remember me being there every day for them, and not meeting them drunk the day of their debs to give them money which is the only time i saw him that day

snollup

newbusiness wrote: »

Please don't take this as a criticism but I'd never date a girl without drive, ambition and intellectualism.

I know "all" you want to be is a kept housewife but you can do that with an phD and knowledge of what it is to have travelled the world.

My mother is in your position, albeit 30 years on.
She's raised a half dozen kids who've all grown up and now her race is run. She's young (mid-fifties), fit (tennis player) but redundant and frustrated at her own lack of education and loss of youth. She hasn't the drive to better herself and so is stuck trying to improve her only domain, the home.
Unfortunately, due to her lack of education, drive and experience this only extends to cleaning, tidying and nagging people to do the same.

Restricting yourself to the role of a kept housewife will end in your frustration and resentment when you see what you could have been, in addition to being a mother and housewife.

Sorry but this guy is a total PR1CK! Get you priorities right mate.

OP - You have nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of. If the world had more like you it would be a better place,. I reckon NEWBUSINESS is a materialistic wanker who would walk over people to get where he wants to be. I've seen many like him and believe it or not they ALWAYS end up lonely & miserable.

Keep you head held high. I really hope you & BF (who sounds really supportive) end up where you want to be.

is_that_so

You're a lucky woman. I've always been envious of the fact that women potentially have that option, to stay at home rather than work. Done lots of jobs in my day. They bring in money, some of them even make you feel good and if someone is measuring you on what your job is they are the ones with issues. It's a sign of the times that all we seem to care about is the size of our house, salary and car.

wes

You got nothing to be ashamed of. I worked cleaning jobs, when I was in college. I never felt ashamed, it was honest work and I needed the money.

TerrorFirmer

baby_blu wrote: »

thank you, i just saw my dad day after day coming home barking at us for nothing, spending his weekend in the pubs and us having to carry him up to bed when he came home

I will not subject my kids to a **** unloving parent lke my dad was, i want my kids to remember me being there every day for them, and not meeting them drunk the day of their debs to give them money which is the only time i saw him that day

Yes but most parents are good parents regardless of their jobs, you cannot imply that your job is fundamentally linked to good development of your kids. No offence, but it sounds to me like you're trying to justify rather then embrace your job. After all, you wouldn't have posted here if you had no issues. My mother works late hours, often spends time away from home and does not arrive home till 8 or 9 at night - and regardless I would never call or anything but a good mother and her extremely hard work put my family in the place it is today - an extremely prosperous one in which we've had every opportunity catered to.

Obviously, Ireland is a prosperous place - for most - and with that comes a certain conditioning and subsequent expectations as to certain classes of people. People are dismissing the poster who remarked about drive and commitment, and it's outrageous that it's put down as a troll. I'd personally be in the same mindset; being a cleaner is all well and good in your situation with a partner who obviously has the means to support you both. How about if you were a cleaner and suddenly a single mother? Things would become more difficult. Ultimately, in your case, being a cleaner is OK because it's more like a hobby and it suits your schedule and situation. Trying to raise a family on a cleaners wage would be extremely difficult however - hence why it's 'embarrassing' from many peoples perspectives to be a minimal wage (I obviously realise technically most people wouldn't be on minimum wage but you understand my point) worker.

I would not like to be working as a cleaner - at the end of the day you're doing a manual job that caters to other peoples basic functions for a low wage insufficient to raise a family ideally - again you're just lucky you have a partner strong enough to negate this. Imagine if you were both cleaners? You would not have the luxury of talking about spending time with your several children, as you'd be too stressed out from trying to make ends meet etc. That's the truth and I don't care what anyone thinks, the vast majority of people would think so. My own family came from an initially poor background, and getting where they are today took years of hard work. I remember my mother working from 9 until 5 and then studying at the kitchen table until she fell asleep at mightnight. My dad used to work the same hours, and then go off again at 8 o clock to do door work until 3 am and get back to bed for work again at 8. Now they've both in excellent high paying jobs and they always tell me now they wouldn't change a second of it because it gave them and ultimately me and my sister the chances they never had so easy.

kayos

Well as a guy I dont mind if thats your view on life but I would not even consider you as a partner because of it.

You might not turn into your dad working every hour god sends but your husband most likely will.

[edit]
Let me just add its not the fact of staying home with your future children and taking care of them. Its the fact you have no other ambition in life or drive from what you have said. You seem happy out being in a minimum wage job with no education/qualifications untill you become a mother.

I would have no problem in supporting a partner in college, was ill or while she took care of our children but outside of those sorry but if I was a free ATM I would make funny beeping noises and print reciepts. Its the fact you have no drive to do anything to better your position in life not just talking about work here that I dont have time for.
[/edit]

mags16

There are a few points that come to mind.

1. As newbusiness said when the kids are reared, what then? The OP may realize that life has passed her by.

2. What if the OP or her OH can't have kids? She has geared her life towards something that may not be possible.

3. In their relationship, he is the guy who has the good job and she is the girl who is just a cleaner. It may create a power imbalance. If problems arise, she is in a more vulnerable position.

4. The OP mentioned her other jobs. Is she intentionally going for jobs that are low status? I'm sure that lots of people out there love their jobs in shops and chippers but there are other jobs out there that are enjoyable and challenging and would make her confidence grow.

5. Has the OP ever considered going back to education? Put off the babies for a few years, get an enjoyable degree under your belt. Or if your OH was supportive, you could do it at night when the children are small. My mum did her leaving cert when my brother was a baby and she did a degree when I was a baby.

OP, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife and mother. But it is important to have something else in your life. It could be a job that you love, a hobby that you are passionate about or some education. Don't put all your eggs in one childrearing basket.

Ian Beale

baby_blu wrote: »

hi all

i am a cleaner, just started it,i really enjoy it

Thats all that matters,you really like it then everyone else can bugger off.

baby_blu wrote: »

And all I've ever wanted was to be a wife and mother its the only goal i want to achieve in my life(i know its a bit sad really) but i have no interest in having a big career, give me a happy marriage and a family and ill be in my element.

Thats not sad at all I think thats a great goal,being a mother is the hardest job in the world in my opinion.

baby_blu wrote: »

I am with my current partner four years now and im so happy, we are engaged and planning to buy a house in the next few years and have a few kids.Im thrilled with this, i finally have what i have always wanted.

Once again if thats what you want and your happy don't let others get you down, sounds like their jealous that you have what you want and that your happy with your life and there is absolutely no shame in any part of that!Best of luck with buying a house and best of luck to your wedding and future kids, lots of best wishes there crikey you've a lot to look forward to!


Just a quick edit to the guys that are saying that wouldn't date someone that didn't have ambition/career prospects,you don't consider having kids ambitious?Thats one of the hardest jobs in the world, a lot harding then working 9-5 behind a desk.

ianhobo

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

I would not like to be working as a cleaner - at the end of the day you're doing a manual job that caters to other peoples basic functions for a low wage insufficient to raise a family ideally.

none the less, its responses like this that I'm sure are whats caused the OP to now feel ashamed in the first place. Also, I don't think the OP said what type of cleaning she does. Many cleaning jobs don't simple "cater to other peoples basic functions"

ow they've both in excellent high paying jobs and they always tell me now they wouldn't change a second of it because it gave them and ultimately me and my sister the chances they never had so easy.

good for them.

In general response to what you have said, I am an engineer who has to to travel across the city every day, sometimes spending up to 5hrs a day commuting. My "professional", decent paid job is not the type located in every part or town in the city. Where as jobs such as cleaning can often be found on the job seekers doorstep. Deduct the hours I spend commuting, and include the extra tiredness and less free time, take it all away from my salary, and I think you'll find that I'm probably not really making much more than the OP. But she will still be happy, probably have as much of a disposable income, and get to spend A LOT more time with her family/friends/kids/insert what ever here/ because she has lots more spare time.

I can also speak first hand of this because my ex-gf was a cleaner. Job on her doorstep, more than minimum wage, and generally had as much, if not more money than me. (Extra commuting costs money, petrol, insurance, bus / luas tickets etc, more food expenses due to time spent commuting etc)

OP if you enjoy your job, and your making enough money, thats all that matters really. Most people aren't happy in their job, so consider your enjoyment of it a bonus that no salary raise can buy kudos to you

TerrorFirmer

ianhobo wrote: »

good for them.

In general response to what you have said, I am an engineer who has to to travel across the city every day, sometimes spending up to 5hrs a day commuting. My "professional", decent paid job is not the type located in every part or town in the city. Where as jobs such as cleaning can often be found on the job seekers doorstep. Deduct the hours I spend commuting, and include the extra tiredness and less free time, take it all away from my salary, and I think you'll find that I'm probably not really making much more than the OP. But she will still be happy, probably have as much of a disposable income, and get to spend A LOT more time with her family/friends/kids/insert what ever here/ because she has lots more spare time.

I can also speak first hand of this because my ex-gf was a cleaner. Job on her doorstep, more than minimum wage, and generally had as much, if not more money than me. (Extra commuting costs money, petrol, insurance, bus / luas tickets etc, more food expenses due to time spent commuting etc)

OP if you enjoy your job, and your making enough money, thats all that matters really. Most people aren't happy in their job, so consider your enjoyment of it a bonus that no salary raise can buy kudos to you

Get with reality Ian, if being a cleaner paid more then a decent job requiring qualification/extensive experience we'd all be at it.

Tell me this; if it's so ideal why aren't you quitting your job as an engineer to become a cleaner?

The point remains; would you be entirely happy trying to raise a family compromising several children on a cleaners wage? The OP has the best of both worlds here, it seems as if the wages are more or less irrelevant. which isn't such a luxury for most people. I was merely trying to explain the embarrassment aspect of it.

@IanBeale....having children much harder then working 9-5 behind a desk? Most women who have children work for god sake. A women working in a 20k job and a woman in a 40k job both have children. Only difference being the woman in the 40k bracket can afford to give her child the better of everything (and before anyone goes on about the priceless nature of a mothers love or some of that other crap...don't, it's not exactly relevant).You'd swear from your comment that having children and pursuing a career were incompatible paths.

What would you rather date, a woman who wanted kids and a job sufficient to support the planned family or a woman who wanted kids and only wanted to work at a manual unskilled job? I know which I'd choose. Don't get me wrong, if my girlfriend resigned herself to said position I'd support her. But that doesn't mean it'd be ideal nor should I embrace it.

is_that_so

mags16 wrote: »

There are a few points that come to mind.

1. As newbusiness said when the kids are reared, what then? The OP may realize that life has passed her by.

I've never really understood this comment and have often taken it to be an excuse to explain always people's unhappiness. I do think it highlights another problem we can have these days, the dangers of overthinking things through.

The educational angle IMO is also an example of personal projection, although I did a night degree myself, mostly to learn but mainly because my CV would have ended up in the bin if I hadn't. I had far more fun doing a car maintenance course.:p

kayos

Ian Beale wrote: »

Just a quick edit to the guys that are saying that wouldn't date someone that didn't have ambition/career prospects,you don't consider having kids ambitious?Thats one of the hardest jobs in the world, a lot harding then working 9-5 behind a desk.

Oh its an ambition alright, but as others have said its one that may not come to pass due to things outside of our control. What wrong with having ambition to futher your place in life and provide a good environment to raise kids in?

Amanda

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

My own family came from an initially poor background, and getting where they are today took years of hard work. I remember my mother working from 9 until 5 and then studying at the kitchen table until she fell asleep at mightnight. My dad used to work the same hours, and then go off again at 8 o clock to do door work until 3 am and get back to bed for work again at 8. Now they've both in excellent high paying jobs and they always tell me now they wouldn't change a second of it because it gave them and ultimately me and my sister the chances they never had so easy.

Who'd clean up if everyone was attempting a Richard Branson? Is it just me or is something strange about that attitude that's crept into Ireland? ... Yes it's always good to learn more, earn more and generally have a higher quality of life but if the OP is doing a job she likes and doesn't feel an urge to go on academically what's wrong with it? There will always be jobs regardless of your education, and if someone doesn't go to university or study further just to get a "better" job it does not mean they have a lower IQ or can't give something to society thoourgh the wisdom they've gained from the school of life. One of the smartest people I ever met was a bin man. There's a lot of arrogant posters here. Thank God there's also a lot of good people saying fair play to the OP and the main thing is do not listen to others, follow your heart with what you're comfortable doing. And who would open Newbusiness' mail for him if we were all edu-macated? :D (sorry newbusiness but you were asking for it)...

is_that_so

kayos wrote: »

Oh its an ambition alright, but as others have said its one that may not come to pass due to things outside of our control. What wrong with having ambition to futher your place in life and provide a good environment to raise kids in?

Having your own ambition is fine , having ambition for someone else is projection.

RealEstateKing

Restricting yourself to the role of a kept housewife will end in your frustration and resentment when you see what you could have been

Um, you do realise that in any given economy, about 70% of people have to do meaningless **** jobs in order to support the higher up jobs. For every corporate executive theres 1000 toilet cleaners, factory hands, and jizzmoppers.

Yet we all pretend that success (defined as having responsibility and money) is something everybody should want, and is a failure if they dont get it.

Well 70% of people are failures then.

It is ridiculous (and causes huge unhappiness) to look at life this way.

TerrorFirmer

Amanda wrote: »

Who'd clean up if everyone was ettempting a Richard Branson? Is it just me or is something strange about that attitude that's crept into Ireland? ... Yes it's always good to learn more, earn more and generally have a higher quality of life but if the OP is doing a job she likes and doesn't feel an urge to go on academically what's wrong with it? There will always be jobs regardless of your education, and if someone doesn't go to university or study further just to get a "better" job it does not mean they have a lower IQ or can't give something to society thoourgh the wisdom they've gained from the school of life. One of the smartest people I ever met was a bin man. There's a lot of arrogant posters here. Thank God there's also a lot of good people saying fair play to the OP and the main thing is do not listen to others, follow your heart with what you're comfortable doing. And who would open Newbusiness' mail for him if we were all edu-macated? :D (sorry newbusiness but you were asking for it)...

Eh the problem is that everyone is this thread is on a 'You go girl!' bender. The fact remains that the fact the OP is a cleaner is irrelevant owing to her partners assumable strong financial situation.

Would everyone still be chanting the same tune if she was saying 'I'm 30, a cleaner, can't afford the bills, stress is getting to me, can't cope, I can't give the kids what to every other kid is an expected aspect of growing up'? I don't think so.

If the OP is happy being a cleaner then great. But to everyone saying that life is about doing what makes you happy, it's not. Sure it is when you're partner is essentially keeping you both. But again, what if he was on the dole? A cleaner as well?

Going to college and working 5 days on top on that does not make me happy. Working for 2 years in a dump prior to that to obtain the money to go to college where I had to deal with knackers day in day out did not make me happy. Knowing it's the fundamental basis for a life in which I can support a decent quality of life and any potential children does, however, make me happy.

I could have easily stayed working in a low paid job indefinitely but it's not the sort of situation I want to find myself in ten years - relying on someone else and in no position myself of security should the worst happen.

ianhobo

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Get with reality Ian, if being a cleaner paid more then a decent job requiring qualification/extensive experience we'd all be at it.

Tell me this; if it's so ideal why aren't you quitting your job as an engineer to become a cleaner?

The point remains; would you be entirely happy trying to raise a family compromising several children on a cleaners wage? The OP has the best of both worlds here, it seems as if the wages are more or less irrelevant. which isn't such a luxury for most people. I was merely trying to explain the embarrassment aspect of it.

I think I'm quite with reality thank you very much. I never said being a cleaner paid more. Please re-read my post. What do you define as a "decent" job anyway? My point was about balance. A lower skilled job on your doorstep, versus a higher skilled one several hours away?

Tell me this; if it's so ideal why aren't you quitting your job as an engineer to become a cleaner?

Again, please re-read my post. I didn't say it was ideal.
I like my job. At no point did I say any thing different. In fact, it is because I like my job so much, that I put up with such arduous travel and commuting.

The point remains; would you be entirely happy trying to raise a family compromising several children on a cleaners wage?

once again back to the re-reading. re-read the OP post. This isn't necessary. The OP in her job, combined with her OH will be according to her, just fine. In fact he suggested she could quit her job. They seem more than financially secure. So this removes all debate regarding money, and brings us back to the OP's original post regarding her feeling ashamed and stigmas that are attached to jobs. Money, which you keep bringing up, is not a part of the OP's question/statement.

If the OP is happy, then in my opinion, thats all that matters

TerrorFirmer

Good points, at this stage I'm more annoyed by the posters on a tangent suggesting that money and security are meaningless in comparison to 'doing what makes you happy', and not just in direct response to the OP's situation. I'm sure you'd agree that's hardly a good outlook on life in general even if it appeals to the Utopian among us and if we all did 'what we like' as opposed to 'what we need' we wouldn't be where we are today.

Jumbo156

[QUOTE. Don't get me wrong, if my girlfriend resigned herself to said position I'd support her. But that doesn't mean it'd be ideal nor should I embrace it.[/QUOTE]

Well wouldn't she be the lucky one that you would lower your standards for her....

My wife has a very highly paid job at this moment in time is planning on giving up work when the little lad starts school..
You see, for both of us growing up it was always great for us to come home from school and have our mams waiting for us..
What's wrong with the Op wanting the same for her kids..

There are some people on these boards that are so far up themselves that I am surprised that thay can be even bothered to read them...never mind be moderators!

PS: My mother went back to work at 58 years of age...as a CLEANER.. and never regretted a minute of her life!

Amanda

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Eh the problem is that everyone is this thread is on a 'You go girl!' bender. The fact remains that the fact the OP is a cleaner is irrelevant owing to her partners assumable strong financial situation.

If the OP is happy being a cleaner then great. But to everyone saying that life is about doing what makes you happy, it's not. Sure it is when you're partner is essentially keeping you both. But again, what if he was on the dole? A cleaner as well?

.

I am not the OP and can't speak as if I am but I doubt she meant she was ecstatic being a cleaner and it's her dream job...so in that way I think you're pulling her position out of context. We all know life's not about doing what you think would make you happy all of the time, and that most dream jobs are actually in reality hard work anyway. Fair play to you for doing your hard slog Terrorfirmer but life doesn't always have to be about the martyrdom of the slog and "bettering" yourself all the time either, it's a matter of choice. And...fact is, those people who can't clear bills etc and are in cleaning jobs exist, the Op isn't one of them, but they exist, and, guess what? They get by, like everyone else, and their lives aren't really the abject misery you might think that they are. Granted, no fois gras on the table...but, well, one has to bear one's crosses...I am not a "you go girl" bender, whatever that means... I am however very wary of people whose opinions insist that others follow their lead, that's all.

WEST

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Eh the problem is that everyone is this thread is on a 'You go girl!' bender. The fact remains that the fact the OP is a cleaner is irrelevant owing to her partners assumable strong financial situation.

Would everyone still be chanting the same tune if she was saying 'I'm 30, a cleaner, can't afford the bills, stress is getting to me, can't cope, I can't give the kids what to every other kid is an expected aspect of growing up'? I don't think so.

If the OP is happy being a cleaner then great. But to everyone saying that life is about doing what makes you happy, it's not. Sure it is when you're partner is essentially keeping you both. But again, what if he was on the dole? A cleaner as well?

Going to college and working 5 days on top on that does not make me happy. Working for 2 years in a dump prior to that to obtain the money to go to college where I had to deal with knackers day in day out did not make me happy. Knowing it's the fundamental basis for a life in which I can support a decent quality of life and any potential children does, however, make me happy.

I could have easily stayed working in a low paid job indefinitely but it's not the sort of situation I want to find myself in ten years - relying on someone else and in no position myself of security should the worst happen.

TerrorFirmer and Newbusiness have vaild points and are just giving their point of view based on their life experiences. The OP looked for peoples
opinions and thats want she if getting.
A lot of people seen to just want to tell the OP want she wants the hear and are way too quick to shoot down other peoples opinions.

Gordon

snollup wrote: »

Sorry but this guy is a total PR1CK! Get you priorities right mate.

Banned

is_that_so

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Would everyone still be chanting the same tune if she was saying 'I'm 30, a cleaner, can't afford the bills, stress is getting to me, can't cope, I can't give the kids what to every other kid is an expected aspect of growing up'?

But she's not. Like everything in life how we see it is down to our own self-beliefs. What works for you may be all wrong for someone else and it's not not wrong if they don't do it.

I think the posts on this thread come in two types.
Those strongly influenced by the personal projection of self-beliefs and those answering the question based on what may be right or appropriate for the OP.

Amanda

WEST wrote: »

TerrorFirmer and Newbusiness have vaild points and are just giving their point of view based on their life experiences. The OP looked for peoples
opinions and thats want she if getting.
A lot of people seen to just want to tell the OP want she wants the hear and are way too quick to shoot down other peoples opinions.

There's a name for it. It's called "debate". No one's being nasty, everyone's just expressing differing opinion. Healthy arguement perhaps?

TerrorFirmer

My wife has a very highly paid job at this moment in time is planning on giving up work when the little lad starts school..
You see, for both of us growing up it was always great for us to come home from school and have our mams waiting for us..
What's wrong with the Op wanting the same for her kids..

I've already stated my gripe is with those that believe life is about 'doing what you want' as opposed to doing what is needed to provide rather then specifically the OP's situation. Let me put it this way. If you worked in Dunnes as a shelf stocker and your wife in something of equally financial worth whilst trying to raise a family, struggling to pay for a mortgage, the bills, expenses, etc, would she be giving up work to spend time with the little lad? Do tell. Because that's what people here are fundamentally saying; that you should be happy doing what you like as opposed to doing whats needed, regardless of whether you like it or not.

There are some people on these boards that are so far up themselves that I am surprised that thay can be even bothered to read them...never mind be moderators!

Moderators is merely a title. I moderate Building&Upgrading, where once a month I have to warn someone. Maybe you can elaborate on the extensive program you would have in place that would screen individuals to be allowed such a luxury. A psychological survey? Good response; reduce yourself to insulting people who don't agree with your point of view.

PS: My mother went back to work at 58 years of age...as a CLEANER.. and never regretted a minute of her life!

Really, how many children were relying on her income at 58?

Jigsaw

Ian Beale wrote: »

Thats all that matters,you really like it then everyone else can bugger off.


Just a quick edit to the guys that are saying that wouldn't date someone that didn't have ambition/career prospects,you don't consider having kids ambitious?Thats one of the hardest jobs in the world, a lot harding then working 9-5 behind a desk.

Having kids is not one of the hardest jobs in the world. The vast majority of people in the world will do it.

Trading in futures or FX on the NYSE or Nikkei, or being a bomb disposal engineer, or special forces are some of the hardest jobs in the world.

To the OP, essentially your own happiness is the most important thing at the end of the day. Health and happiness first at all times. However, it may be worth considering a job a little higher up the pecking order than a cleaner, especially if you are planning on a family. Like if you got a job in a shop/department store/supermarket you would start of stacking the shelves then after a while maybe become shift supervisor before getting some back office responsibility etc and at least there would be some progression there. Obviously everyone is different but for me career progression is vitally important. I think it is something you perhaps ought to consider. But I stress again, your happiness is the most important.

Dizzyblonde

baby blu don't be ashamed of doing an honest day's work. This new culture in Ireland of judging people by how much they earn/what they work at is dreadful.
I believe choices are very important in life, and you're lucky to be able to choose a job that you like.
I gave up work to be a full-time mother and I think it's the most worthwhile and fulfilling thing I've ever done. They're grown up now and I wouldn't go back and change a thing. It's not for everyone, but being able to do what you feel is right for you and your family is very important.
Hold your head high and be proud of yourself

Amanda

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

I've already stated my gripe is with those that believe life is about 'doing what you want' as opposed to doing what is needed to provide rather then specifically the OP's situation.

And I would agree with you on that point. I think the only reason some people were saying "you go girl" is because the OP is in a position that does not demand or necessitate her changing job, it's just her own perception of "status" as a result of having a cleaning job.

Ebonyellie

again i make the point that shes not taking state handouts in the form of your "hard earned white collar taxes" she earns money the honest way, does it matter what job title or rate of pay involved. My mother had a menial job too when i was a kid and i was and still am very proud of her, yes we didnt have luxuries, but that didnt matter to us because we saw that out parents worked hard for us, i hope my own son can say the same about me and he wants for nothing. we also grew up with a strong work ethos and yes we now have professional jobs, and when i ws growing up my mother taught me never ever to look down on anyone, or their job because i dont have the right to.

RealEstateKing

"what you want" is always better than what you "gotta do"

The idea they are griping about is that there is somehow higher status involved in being higher up the food chain - being a manager/executive or whatever. Sure being a manager pays more, and if thats what you need, cool. If you dont need it, cool too.

This over-emaphasis on the imprtance of a certain narrowly defined idea of success, is a meager way of looking at life, largely imported from America, and it has made them a miserable nation of Prozac-munchers and is threatening to do the same for us.

This is not off-topic BTW, this is a direct response to the OPs question. She is telling us about feelings of unhappiness and we are suggesting ways of dealing with them.

WEST

Amanda wrote: »

There's a name for it. It's called "debate". No one's being nasty, everyone's just expressing differing opinion. Healthy arguement perhaps?

A few were been nasty and one poster got banned. No need for it and its not helping the OP.

To the OP, I think you need to have a talk to your sister and friends. There is a lack of respect from them that's affecting your confidence in what you want to do in life.

Wagon

OP, the fact that you're working a job and earning a wage is something that you should take pride in! You're not sitting on the streets pretending to be homeless, you're not robbing people or doing anything illegal to make money! You're earning an honest living and there's NOTHING to be ashamed of. And if in the future you want to do something else, there's always a way so you're not exactly closing doors on yourself at all.

As others have accurately pointed out, a crappy mentality has festered in Ireland, one where people believe the big office, modern new house and the fancy car is all that's important. There's been a few posts on this thread that have demonstrated it. Some will try and push their views on you believing that they alone are right. Just remember these people are often the biggest **** on the office. And from what I've read from your posts, you seem too intelligent to waste your life competing with the Jones'. So don't be ashamed of being an honest person!

kayos

is_that_so wrote: »

Having your own ambition is fine , having ambition for someone else is projection.

I asked a question how is that projection?