Bad Habits - bit gross

Computerproblem

D

Rb

That's disgusting.

Fabio

Give him an ultimatum and say if he doesn't get his act together you'll leave.

Or if possible demand you use seperate facilities.

togster

If he hasn't listened to your sensitive remarks you have to tell him straight and make it harsh if you have too. It's disgusting. Sometimes people like this have to be embarrased into changing their ways.

:eek::eek::eek:

Oryx

Yes, be harsh, at the risk of a row. I think a row is called for actually, as softly softly hasnt worked. It shows a huge lack of respect towards you that he is that dirty and expects you to clean it up as if he was two.

Everyone has niggly habits that can irritate their other half, but this is as you say, gross.

Predhead

That is fcuking disgusting and wrong! Nobody should have to put up with that. It's inconsiderate, gross and just plain rude. Agree with previous poster. Give him and ultimatum.

LegacyUser

I hear ya, I am going throught the exact same thing with my oh at the minute. The whole bathroom thing and just not cleaning up after himself, ohh it so annoying I am with him 7 years and we are living together about 6 months and I just want to shake him, I keep saying this stuff to him and like you he doesnt want to hear, its just driving me crazy at the minute, I just feel like doing nothing in the house but then I know it will eventually have to be done so whats the point!!! So frustrating. Sorry I have no advise just thought I'd go out in sympathy as I know how it feels!!!

Gareth37

It must be a mental problem or something, pure gross.

Yuck, if I were a woman Id dump him. Even if I was just sharing a house with him Id leave.

Glowing

Computerproblem wrote: »

leaving the door open when he's having a dump (a particularly classy thing to do in fancy hotels) and not washing his hands after toilet EVER..

This is particularly disturbing!!! Jesus, you need to 'dump' this guy fast! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

dodgyme

OP sure he only sounds like a normal man. :eek:

the toilet door open was one thing my ex room mate used to do in college. I would get this screech from him to 'throw in the roll' and it wasnt an ensuite but a toilet located on the landing. I was just well....flabbergasted to be honest. I am fairly prudish TBH also.

xzanti

Ah here, we all have our little bad habits (men more than women IMHO) but come on, leaving sh1t on your floor? and phlem in the sink, wouldn't fancy spotting that while brushing my teeth.. Tell him to grow up ffs, shut the door when having a dump and use toilet roll, not your matt wipe his arse, and clean out his snots while he's in there out of sight..

Homer

Gareth37 wrote: »

Yuck, if I were a woman Id dump him.

Pardon the pun!

Yup as a bloke I have to agree that while a certain amount of bodily discharges/odours become acceptable with time (from on both sexes too) what you are putting up with is completely unacceptable..
Poo on the mat.. WTF?
If he doesn't even wash his hands how do let him near you?! Gross plain and simple.

Computerproblem

KtK wrote: »

Yes, be harsh, at the risk of a row. I think a row is called for actually, as softly softly hasnt worked. It shows a huge lack of respect towards you that he is that dirty and expects you to clean it up as if he was two.

The thing is I am well able to argue and we've had many arguments about it but he always calls me and I end up feeling like a nag.. Like that won't stop me bringing it up again but I guess it's just not working either.. he's not changing his ways.

Cork Exile

Seriously your bf needs to cop himself on, I can excuse the noises in the morning as we all have those moments from time to time but sh*t on the mat, not washing away his phlegm and not washing his hands after the toilet is disgusting and displays a lot of ignorance towards you and whoever else share the house.
Show him this thread and let him see the responses from us fellow guys here. If he doesn't try and improve this behaviour then don't waste any more time on the guy.

Computerproblem

Thanks for all your replies. I'm relieved to see I'm not the one with the problem here and you feel the same.. I wouldn't be too worried about the one-off incidents like the poo on the mat (however gross), it's more the constant gross things, like picking skin and not washing the hands that really make me ill...

He is by the way a perfectly respectable looking attractive guy and is great in so many other ways. This is just really bothering me recently.. I might just show this post to him later.. If he hasn't made any effort to change these habits by now, I guess he doesn't see that there's anything wrong with them, so he probably won't stop, no matter how much it bothers me.. I've tried all the ultimatums too but they just don't work long-term...

Predhead

dodgyme wrote: »

OP sure he only sounds like a normal man. :eek:

the toilet door open was one thing my ex room mate used to do in college. I would get this screech from him to 'throw in the roll' and it wasnt an ensuite but a toilet located on the landing. I was just well....flabbergasted to be honest. I am fairly prudish TBH also.

Absolutely not a normal man. I don't know anyone that does this/has done.

I for one like my privacy and consider myself a bit of a clean freak!

Cork Exile

Computerproblem wrote: »

The thing is I am well able to argue and we've had many arguments about it but he always calls me and I end up feeling like a nag.. Like that won't stop me bringing it up again but I guess it's just not working either.. he's not changing his ways.

Thats inexcusable. It's not a big life changing change you're asking him to make and if he can't be arsed to do this for you it's obvious he has very little respect for you and himself.

Just read that bit about eating his skin WTF!!!!

BJC

Fabio wrote: »

Give him an ultimatum and say if he doesn't get his act together you'll leave.

I doubt you want to leave him over this. But definitley punish the fcuker! Don't be a push over!!

Glowing

Computerproblem wrote: »

I wouldn't be too worried about the one-off incidents like the poo on the mat (however gross)

I'd be seriously worried about this!! Come on, what human being would do this and think it's okay? And worse still, leave it for you to clean up?

This guy's disgusting.

Edit: The pooy mat should end up in his gym bag or something

Computerproblem

BJC wrote: »

I doubt you want to leave him over this. But definitley punish the fcuker! Don't be a push over!!

Hey, No I really don't want to leave him over this but the thought of having to clear up this sort of **** (pardon pun) forever is making me feel queasy... It still seems like too superficial a thing to break up over though..

Computerproblem

Glowing wrote: »

I'd be seriously worried about this!! Come on, what human being would do this and think it's okay? And worse still, leave it for you to clean up?

This guy's disgusting.

Edit: The pooy mat should end up in his gym bag or something

Well it was an accident, he didn't do it on purpose.. so that's why I wouldn't get too concerned about it.. I do like the thought of leaving it in his gym bag, though with the smell coming from that, he mightn't notice

Joking-- sorta

Computerproblem

unreg30 wrote: »

I hear ya, I am going throught the exact same thing with my oh at the minute. The whole bathroom thing and just not cleaning up after himself, ohh it so annoying I am with him 7 years and we are living together about 6 months and I just want to shake him, I keep saying this stuff to him and like you he doesnt want to hear, its just driving me crazy at the minute, I just feel like doing nothing in the house but then I know it will eventually have to be done so whats the point!!! So frustrating. Sorry I have no advise just thought I'd go out in sympathy as I know how it feels!!!

Hi Unreg, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one living with this! At least we know there's someone out there going through the same stuff! I feel the exact same way in that I would just leave all the crap there uncleaned and wait.. but the thing is it would never get done unless i specifically asked him to or put down a guilt trip.. and then i'm back in the nag category..

BJC

Computerproblem wrote: »

Hey, No I really don't want to leave him over this but the thought of having to clear up this sort of **** (pardon pun) forever is making me feel queasy... It still seems like too superficial a thing to break up over though..

You're totally right, it's way to superficial to let it upset the foundations of your reltaionship.

Im sure if he woke up in a bed full of his own sh*te that'd sort him out once and for all!

JackieO

I was just going to add that I think you should show him this thread. Just so he realises exactly all the issues you have and also the fact that plenty of other people agree that his behaviour in unacceptable.

His behaviour is easy enough to modify and its definately not worth breaking up over. However, he needs to be willing to make an effort to improve his bad habits. You can't put up with that indefinately and it will end up driving a wedge between you otherwise.

Geff

Computerproblem wrote: »

Hi there,

I have an issue for you to ponder.. I live with my boyfriend and recently his bad habits are getting me down.. These are: making loads of noise in the toilet in the morning...eh.. relieving his bowels, (I mean loads of noise), picking his skin and eating it, constantly either picking his nose or picking his hair/skin when concentrating at his computer, leaving the door open when he's having a dump (a particularly classy thing to do in fancy hotels) and not washing his hands after toilet EVER..

Yesterday I came into the bathroom to find poo stains on the floor mat.. put it straight into a boil wash.. This morning I came into the bathroom to find snot or phlem in the sink.. (not the first time though the poo on the mat was a first)

I have said all of these concerns to him time and time again.. He has accused me of nagging time and time again.. I can't get it. If I say something he gets in a huff and there is potentially a fight. I'll try to say things sensitively but he doesn't get it and if I don't say anything, he'll just continue as is. I'm reaching the end of my thether and it's really getting me down.

He wouldn't be the best for general cleaning anyhow and maybe the fact he lived in an absolute kip (well it was a nice house, but kept like a kip) should have been a warning. The thing is he is very precise about keeping his clothes clean, folded etc, but anything that involves communal areas, he's very slack at.

I should say as well that I'm not afraid of bodily functions as such, like i'm not squeamish about them or owt. Possibly how I've managed five years of this. but I'm just getting really sick of this now.

Has anyone any advice? Experiences?

Thanks.

WTF.

Gross.

Plek Trum

Tell him straight up that it is SERIOUSLY affecting your feelings for him and putting a huge strain on your relationship. Don't know how he can honestly expect anyone to find him attractive carrying on that way.. even (or especially BECAUSE) it is at home.

If he has any respect for you he would apologise and try his best to amend his ways (give him credit if he does start making an effort.. its amaazing what a bit of praise can do for a lad!) Ask him how he would feel if you walked around the house treating it like a dump. There really is NO excuse for that kind of behaviour...

LegacyUser

As a married male - some advice. Most men get lazier as relationships progress.

Are you prepared to put up with this behaviour for much longer? for the rest of your life? Children generally adopt the behaviours of their parents.

Run while you can, time to get out, even if your not considering a more serious commitment. None of these behaviours are normal - well not much wrong with leaving a bathroom door open when there's only the 2 of you. He might promise that the poo 'incident' will never happen again but lets face it he's defended his personal grooming habits and thinks your giving him a hard time!!! If they bug you now, think what it will be like in 6 months/years.

Computerproblem

JackieO wrote: »

I was just going to add that I think you should show him this thread. Just so he realises exactly all the issues you have and also the fact that plenty of other people agree that his behaviour in unacceptable. QUOTE]

Hi JackieO, yes I am going to show it to him.. I just have to think about how I'll bring it up and sensitively show it to him, so he'll read and take it in. He already thinks I'm too into my forums etc so it's possible he mightn't really realise how significant it is.

Plek Trum wrote: »

Tell him straight up that it is SERIOUSLY affecting your feelings for him and putting a huge strain on your relationship. Don't know how he can honestly expect anyone to find him attractive carrying on that way.. even (or especially BECAUSE) it is at home.
QUOTE]

Yes Plek Trum, that's exactly it. It is putting a strain on it. He doesn't see what the fuss is about and thinks I'm the big stresshead moaning and always nagging. but like to say to him, if I can't say it to him, what can I do? I don't want to have to be that person.

Beruthiel

Computerproblem wrote: »

constantly either picking his nose

not washing his hands after toilet EVER..

Yesterday I came into the bathroom to find poo stains on the floor mat..

This morning I came into the bathroom to find snot or phlem in the sink..

Animal.
Did this guy have parents? Was he dragged up?
Seriously, I wouldn't put up with that for a nano second.
A dog would have more self respect.
Where are his basic manners?

try to say things sensitively

Most things should be broached sensitively, this should be done with a sledge hammer.

Possibly how I've managed five years of this. but I'm just getting really sick of this now.

You have put up with this for FIVE years?!? :eek:
You're either a saint or a fool!

MarkR

Ask him sweetly would he mind not shítting on the floor. If this persists it's going to have to escalate one way or another. Tell him that he doesn't need to have a dump in front of you to feel close. Also, if he's not washing his hands, don't let them near you. Let him know this.

The Bollox

tell him tonight you are going to pack your bags and leave if this doesn't stop. if it doesn't then pack your bags when he can see you and see what he does. generally this will kick start the common sense and make him realise you are serious (even though you weren't really going to leave, just make him think you were). see how that goes

Computerproblem

Beruthiel wrote: »

Animal.
You have put up with this for FIVE years?!? :eek:
You're either a saint or a fool!

Cheers, real helpful.

Computerproblem

The Bollox wrote: »

tell him tonight you are going to pack your bags and leave if this doesn't stop. if it doesn't then pack your bags when he can see you and see what he does. generally this will kick start the common sense and make him realise you are serious (even though you weren't really going to leave, just make him think you were). see how that goes

That's ssomething I have thought of alright.. I have threatened to leave a few times over this, but never have or he gets around me.. again it's a short-term thing.. We live together and have done for years and I don't have megabucks so can't just move out when the inclination takes me..

Keano

Computerproblem wrote: »

Cheers, real helpful.

OP, no one civilised leaves poo stains on the matt!

Beruthiel's comment may have been blunt but I have to agree.

Predhead

Computerproblem wrote: »

That's ssomething I have thought of alright.. I have threatened to leave a few times over this, but never have or he gets around me.. again it's a short-term thing.. We live together and have done for years and I don't have megabucks so can't just move out when the inclination takes me..

Even move home for a bit if you can, or in with a friend. You seriously must take action. The fact he never washes his hands after going to the toilet too, I mean he's shaking hands with members of your family and your friends..probably handling the same food as you..it's not right. Maybe take some time to get a plan together so you could move out short term while trying to get him to change..again..as I said, he needs an ultimatum.

board om

i am actually gagging reading about his habits. having one of those habits is difficult enough for someone to put up with but having all of the above, uuggghhhhh!!!!! and how the hell does he get sh*t on the floor mat that takes some doing. how can you stand him touching you if you know he hasnt washed his hands????

if i was you when he goes to cough up a flem, picks his nose or skin and eat it, or puts anything in his mouth other than food, i would refuse to kiss him.
when he doesnt wash his hands after going to the toilet, refuse to let him touch you in ANY way, dont even hold his hand.
if he leaves the door open while taking a dump, then go into the bathroom and stand there staring at him so he feels uncomfortable and asks you to leave. he will close the door in future (might be difficult on you too but its a small sacrifice to make).
when he get sh*t on the floor mat......... God i dont know what you could do in retaliation to that. i am too confused by the logistics of how he actually did it to think of anything. i mean he would have to been squatting or sitting on the ground, or something like that. i dont know. actualy i dont want to know.

oh, and it is not too superficial to break up over. it is more than enough of a reason. what happens if you decide to get married and have kids? you will be running around cleaning up sh*t, washing up after, feeding, and then you will have the kids to worry about as well.

BrianD3

Re: the sh1t stains on the mat if he stands up to wipe his arse some bits might have fallen on the mat while he was wiping and he mightn't have noticed them. I know this is gross but am just pointing out that he didn't necessarily wipe his arse with the mat.

Predhead

BrianD3 wrote: »

Re: the sh1t stains on the mat if he stands up to wipe his arse some bits might have fallen on the mat while he was wiping and he mightn't have noticed them. I know this is gross but am just pointing out that he didn't necessarily wipe his arse with the mat.

Hahahaha nicely put. :pac:

Keano

BrianD3 wrote: »

Re: the sh1t stains on the mat if he stands up to wipe his arse some bits might have fallen on the mat while he was wiping and he mightn't have noticed them. I know this is gross but am just pointing out that he didn't necessarily wipe his arse with the mat.

LOL!!

Op, have a chat with him and see if he can change his ways, if he can't then you have to decide is he the one

Computerproblem

BrianD3 wrote: »

Re: the sh1t stains on the mat if he stands up to wipe his arse some bits might have fallen on the mat while he was wiping and he mightn't have noticed them. I know this is gross but am just pointing out that he didn't necessarily wipe his arse with the mat.

That is what probably happened alright, it was an accident and he didn't notice.. Of course that is still gross and horrible for me to see, but it's not the main thing I'm bothered about.. the others I've already gone into..

Anyhow thank you for all your responses. It has really clarified the issue for me if loads of guys think this is totally unacceptable..

kelly1979

if he leaves the door open while taking a dump, then go into the bathroom and stand there staring at him so he feels uncomfortable and asks you to leave. he will close the door in future (might be difficult on you too but its a small sacrifice to make).


LOL!!!!:D
please tell me this man does not cook for you!!! and if he does please tell me you don't eat it!!
seriously, my heart goes out to you, by the way why are you cleaning up after him, let him clean up his own sh1t..literally!!

kelly1979

ah just read above posts, they dropped off on the mat.......well at least he didnt intentionally crap on the mat

Computerproblem

kelly1979 wrote: »

if he leaves the door open while taking a dump, then go into the bathroom and stand there staring at him so he feels uncomfortable and asks you to leave. he will close the door in future (might be difficult on you too but its a small sacrifice to make).

LOL!!!!:D
please tell me this man does not cook for you!!! and if he does please tell me you don't eat it!!
seriously, my heart goes out to you, by the way why are you cleaning up after him, let him clean up his own sh1t..literally!!

I haven't done that exactly but similiar things, so might try it . to be fair he does sometimes close the door (oh I'm so lucky I know!).. As for why I clean up the crap, well it is my gaff too and I have to live there and I want to live in a nice, clean, uncrapped place The simple things.. Anyhow if he doesn't see these things as a problem then what's the big panic with cleaning them?!

kelly1979

it was BOARD M who posted the comment about staring at him when he leaves the door open, i just dont know yet how to quote people

i understand what you're saying about wanting a clean house, but surely if he has to clean up after himself he might cop himself on, and realise how gross it is

AngryBadger

wow that's totally unbelievably.

Ultimatum, clean up, or take a hike. Seriously, I can't imagine knowingly interacting with anyone whose personal hygiene was THAT vile.

AngryBadger

BrianD3 wrote: »

Re: the sh1t stains on the mat if he stands up to wipe his arse some bits might have fallen on the mat while he was wiping and he mightn't have noticed them. I know this is gross but am just pointing out that he didn't necessarily wipe his arse with the mat.

I'm caught between disgust and marvelling at the compelling logic in your post.

Sort of like that episode of Futurama with the gigantic Amazon women.

"DEATH BY SNU-SNU!!!"

kaizersoze1980

dodgyme wrote: »

OP sure he only sounds like a normal man. :eek:

yeah right, i dont know what sort of men you go for but this behaviour is far from normal

Deadeyes

Computerproblem,
I don't know how you put up with this. Reading about his filthy habits turned my stomach, if I actually witnessed some of his behaviour I would probably get physically sick, in fact it's so bad it even stopped me from lurking and got me to post.
I think you should face the reality that you are not going to change him. He will never change. Why? Well from his point of view why should he? You asked him to stop, he didn't and you did nothing. You threatened to leave, he didn't change and you did nothing. If your going to give an ultimatum you must be prepared to follow through, otherwise it and any further ultimatums are useless. He knows your threats are empty.
For your own happiness and future well-being I think you need to seriously reflect on the future of this relationship. Maybe it's time to call it a day.

dodgyme

kaizersoze1980 wrote: »

i dont know what sort of men you go for

what are you suggesting

JuliusCaesar

Deadeyes wrote: »

Well from his point of view why should he? You asked him to stop, he didn't and you did nothing. You threatened to leave, he didn't change and you did nothing. If your going to give an ultimatum you must be prepared to follow through, otherwise it and any further ultimatums are useless. He knows your threats are empty.

Seriously. He KNOWS you're not serious.
This is disgusting.
How can s**te fall on the mat and he not know?
Please don't say yuo give him oral.
*gags*

And then he guilt-trips *you*????
Typical.

Latchy

He has to go OP , as mentioned in another topic tonight in personell ( about guy who wont live with womon unless baby involved ) you only find out what sombody is like to live with until you have actually done so and by your account it aint mills and boon with him , no sorrieeeeeeee