She's pregnant

Ok this one big long rant to make me feel better because really I'm so upset and I cannot think of anything else
My brother has gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant!
I work with her and she used to be my mate before she decided to make her way through his friends and settled on him I didn't have a problem with them being together but she made it clear when they got together she had no time for me
Oh and he works for her brother in law.

She is just gone 20 he is 21
They had broken up twice since last sep and it was her who did the dumping both times. This girl is a master manipulator and has stirred up some unbelievable arguments and trouble within my family throughout their 2 years relationship if it wasn't her snotty comments towards my mother she would be causing between him and his mates. She has no girlfriends of her own besides workmates and college acquaintances and spends all her time with her two older sisters so she relied on my brother a lot for lifts and to spend time with he found her needy in the relationship but he made it work. The first time was that they had drifted apart (they hadn't been prioritising each other) and she ended it saying they needed a break but after a couple of weeks later he realised it was permanent and was gutted. When his friends found out what had happened and they were delighted and they all just told him to stay away. A few times she has called and gotten driving lessons from him basically using him.

Through xmas he seen her a few times and then they didn’t really see each other apart from for his birthday in Feb. My sisters birthday she followed us to the pub we were celebrating in and started a fight with him when she seen him chatting up another girl. This was 3 weeks ago, In the meanwhile she got lessons from him and passed her driving test last week
My parents told me the news on sat and I broke down crying at the thoughts of his future plans gone and the further trouble she would bring with this baby
I'm half upset so much that he's having a child so young and half upset to do with who he's gotten pregnant

She said she found out on Wed and so far she has it all planned out in the midst of my mothers upset and shock my self and my dad were amazed at her having it all planned out so soon after finding out
She has her scan organized for July 22nd baby’s due on Dec 27th she wants to go early so she can do her 4th year college exams in January. She is contacting the college today about doing a few months at home.
She is moving into the biggest room in the family home she baulked when I suggested that they should plan to move out after the 1st year saying she's need her families help and what would she do with a baby when my brothers in work. She said to us all that if we wanted to buy her anything she would pick it out and we'd pay off the balance if we wanted etc :rolleyes:
Myself and my father have discussed it and agreed with the fact she has had it planned. There’s no way she could have organised all of this and gotten over the shock of it Jesus I've known two days and I'm still reeling, very angry and disappointed. He is delighted I'm more thinking at the moment because they are back together and he knows she's no going to dump him and he is needed.
He's still in his second year of his apprenticeship and barely earns decent money.
Please share stories or say something to make me feel better I just feel so awful.

Dellboy2007

10k can get you a lot done nowadays.............

Sherifu

It's not your problem.

AARRRGH

I am going to give an example from my life. It relates to my brother. I know he posts here so, Alan, don't take this personally. You will see it has a happy ending.

My younger brother was around 21 when got his girlfriend pregnant. Although he doesn't think this is the case, I do think she got pregnant on purpose. All her friends got pregnant very young (they're the typical young Dublin mums), and her stories about what contraception she was on makes no sense.

Anyway, at the time I was worried about my brother, thinking he was being manipulated/tricked. He's a nice person, a bit naive about women sometimes and I would describe her as an extremely street smart/clever girl.

Without meaning to sound snobby, she would be from a very poor family, and I/my brother would be from quite a wealthy family. Maybe that does sound very snobby (I'm not a snob!) What I'm trying to say is she's set up for life if she has his kid.

Anyway, they've broken up now. It was a fairly bad break up, and I do think she seriously took the piss, but you know what, having a kid was probably the best thing that's every happened to him.

His daughter has become his life. She's such a lovely little girl, and she has brought him so much happiness. It has made him settle down, focus on his career and his life, and as a result he's a very successful guy now.

He's no longer with his ex - they have a polite relationship now - but honestly it worked out well in the end.

I think if he could go back in time there is no way he'd choose not to have gotten his ex pregnant, regardless of whether or not she was trying to get pregnant on purpose/trick him/whatever.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: your brother has chosen his life, and it's very possible it'll all work out well for him.

There's not much you can do anyway, apart from supporting him.

Puffin

An unplanned pregnancy is always difficult, but you need to get this into perspective- it’s not YOUR unplanned pregnancy, it’s your brother’s. Right now he needs your support and I think you need to calm down and look at the long term consequences of your current words and behaviour.

You seem shocked that she had it all planned out, has acknowledged she needs her families help and is taking steps to finish college so she can get a decent job and earn a decent wage.

Ummm what is the problem here?!?

Would you (and your family) prefer she went berserk and into denial, dropped out of college, refused her family’s help, refused to plan for future employment and expected your brother to be the sole earner for the next 18 years?

The fact she had everything planned is a GOOD thing and makes her sounds like an intelligent, practically minded girl. Your entire family should be extremely relieved.

And as for your nasty comments about her- look I know you are upset but this has to stop. Your brother chose to see her and she is now carrying his child. You and your family have a choice EITHER you can calm down, be supportive of her and your brother and have a wonderful relationship with the child OR you can continue to make nasty comments about her and be one of the thousands of Irish families where the mother refuses to allow her child to a close and honest relationship with it’s paternal grandparents, aunts etc

No one but my mother and father know I feel this way. I work with her and have done for 4 years I would never act anyway other than nice because of my brother.
I congratulated the both of them and told them it was fantastic news as I know they would do the same if it was me.
I haven't commented on all the plans whatsoever its just been so much to take in and even more so because I'm so upset they have let this happen and I know its not my problem it won't change the fact that I am devastated over it.

Puffin

Puffin wrote: »

You seem shocked that she had it all planned out, has acknowledged she needs her families help and is taking steps to finish college so she can get a decent job and earn a decent wage.

Ummm what is the problem here?!?

Would you (and your family) prefer she went berserk and into denial, dropped out of college, refused her family’s help, refused to plan for future employment and expected your brother to be the sole earner for the next 18 years?

The fact she had everything planned is a GOOD thing and makes her sounds like an intelligent, practically minded girl. Your entire family should be extremely relieved.

She said she doesn't plan on working anything more than 20 hours in a local clothes shop as she said she will be claiming unmarried mothers Her mother and sister will be minding the baby during this 20 hours

She just wants to finish her degree so as not to waste her last 2 years
My parents said they would front a deposit for a house so they could get a house in a couple of years and she made it clear living with my brother was not in her plans.
My mother was explaining that later in the pregnancy and early in the baby's life she will want my brother with her and my brother will want to wake up with the baby
She said he can stay in parents everynow and then if he wanted and that he could take the baby once a week if he wanted

Beruthiel

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter a jot what you think of her, your brother clearly cares for her and if you care for him then leave him be to lead his own life.

My sister had her daughter at age 21, by herself, with no prospects.
She had the baby, put herself through college and worked in the evenings to help pay for it.
Life was not easy for her but it totally changed her for the better and made her a wonderful person as a result.

We don't always think what others do is for the best.
However, it's not our business to get involved. We are all responsible for ourselves and our behaviour.

Glowing

I can see why you're angry - I'd be livid myself, having a younger brother.

First thing is make sure that your brother is put down as the father on the birth cert at least.

Are they a couple again?

I'm not even sure whether he will be as she has made it clear she wants to claim social welfare
I don't even knows if she can do that if the baby's name is on the birth cert
Yes they are back together
My father wanted to ask him to take a test to see if the baby is his but the way they are both acting he said it will only cause trouble

AARRRGH

Whatever you and your family plan to do, don't make your brothers life more difficult, and be really careful you aren't crossing the line between being supportive and being meddlesome.

Glowing

+1, but i'd still keep a close eye on her - she does seem like a nasty piece of work.

But on the bright side, you're going to have a niece or nephew - something good IS coming out of it!

AARRRGH

Glowing wrote: »

But on the bright side, you're going to have a niece or nephew - something good IS coming out of it!

Yep, no matter what you think of your brothers girlfriend, you'll love the kid!

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

My father wanted to ask him to take a test to see if the baby is his but the way they are both acting he said it will only cause trouble

That can be done discretely later and without her knowing.

I agree to an extent with the rest of the answers to you here, in that it's not your problem but I can see how it is a worry for you.
The lass doesn't like you and thats making it even more awkward for you.

Can I state the obvious-start looking for a new job.
You've been where you are for 4 years so you should have a fair bit of experience.
Even if it takes you 2 years to get out of there it might be worth it for you.
Do the job search secretly by the way,don't even tell your brother.
Have the new job all set up before you tell anyone that might tell your nemesis who might make trouble for you.

It sounds also from some of the things you describe that we are looking at a freeloader here so I'd definitely get that test done after the baby is born.

Nevyn

Deleted User wrote: »

That can be done discretely later and without her knowing.

Only if the father has guardianship rights other wise it can not be done with out the mothers consent.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

That can be done discretely later and without her knowing.

I agree to an extent with the rest of the answers to you here, in that it's not your problem but I can see how it is a worry for you.
The lass doesn't like you and thats making it even more awkward for you.

Can I state the obvious-start looking for a new job.
You've been where you are for 4 years so you should have a fair bit of experience.
Even if it takes you 2 years to get out of there it might be worth it for you.
Do the job search secretly by the way,don't even tell your brother.
Have the new job all set up before you tell anyone that might tell your nemesis who might make trouble for you.

It sounds also from some of the things you describe that we are looking at a freeloader here so I'd definitely get that test done after the baby is born.

It not the job thats awkward per say I see her 4 hours a week its just we know a lot of the same people

dublindude wrote: »

Yep, no matter what you think of your brothers girlfriend, you'll love the kid!

I know this but the way she even said to us when breaking the news "you's can have the baby once a week"
I doubt she even wants us involved in any real way but tbh my mother is fine with this

Regarding guardianship this is exactly also what I'm worried about he'll never have things set in stone about his rights and access and I know its not an issue now but she obviously doesn't want to get married ever but she will happily take money from him

Glowing

Deleted User wrote: »

Regarding guardianship this is exactly also what I'm worried about he'll never have things set in stone about his rights and access and I know its not an issue now but she obviously doesn't want to get married ever but she will happily take money from him

I'd argue that she can have money from him if she puts him on the birth cert. If not, it just proves that she's just out for what she can get.

Fiona24

Having a name on the birth cert will make no difference to her claiming benefits. When she claims one parent allowance she will be asked to seek maintenance payments from the father of the child.

Your social status makes no differecne to having a child young, we all make mistakes. I come from a very good family but I had my daughter just after my 21st. I was in the middle of my 2nd year in college. I did my exmas in May, had my daughter in July and went straight back to college in September. Its up to the individual mother to either make a life and career for herself and the baby or to claim your benefits.

Your brother may want to be with this girl now but eventually he will see her for her true colours. Im speaking from personal experiece, my ex was a horrible man to me spent his time being abusive but I thought he was ok coz it was good for my baby to have her mom and dad together. But eventually I saw through him for what it was and I walked away. Now Im much happier, I have a decent enough career, a great daughter, a new bf and most importantly confidence back.

Support your brother through all this because that's what he'll need the most, and when or if it comes crashing down he'll need you to help him get through the pain of it all.

board om

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm not even sure whether he will be as she has made it clear she wants to claim social welfare
I don't even knows if she can do that if the baby's name is on the birth cert
Yes they are back together
My father wanted to ask him to take a test to see if the baby is his but the way they are both acting he said it will only cause trouble

there is no problem getting his name on the birth cert even if she is intending to claim social welfare. it doesnt make a difference. and he would be advised to make sure that his name is going on it as it can cause problems years down the road if it isnt i.e. passport, visiting rights, etc.

she really does sound like a devious toe rag alright. she has obviously taken advantage of the fact that your brother is quite fond of her. what i would do if i was you is nothing. just be supportive of them both in every way you can. becuase someone as devious as her will eventually get bored and move on to someone else who can offer her more. and if this happens your brother is probably going to take it very hard so the best thing you can do is be there for him. also if you cause any friction or trouble now, if she does decide to finish with him at a later stage then she will remember the trouble you caused, and she might take it out on your brother when it comes to seeing his child. that is the last thing you want. just grin and bare it for his sake. it wil be better for everyone involved in the long run.

my own child is 11 now and myself and her mother broke up about 9 years ago. we were only 18 when my ex got pregnant so we were only kids ourselves. things would have been a lot easier for everyone involved if we had all just remained civil. instead my parents thought she got pregnant on purpose, which set alarm bells ringing for me, and her parents thought it was all my fault, etc etc etc. and now 11 years later things are semi-civil but becuase of all the crap that has been said over the years it will never be perfectly calm. and all the time there is a child in the middle who knows nothing about any of this. the only person who loses out in these situation where parents are arguing about visiting rights, and where the child will live, and money, etc is the child and no one else. i am lucky that my child is now at the age where she can pick up the phone and ask me to bring her somehwere, or i can call her and ask would she like to do somehting. in the early years you are relying on the good relationship with the childs mother for these simple things, and if relationship is sour then things can get very nasty.

so do youself and your family a favour and just leave them to it. you dont have to like the situation but you cant change the fact that she is pregnant. all you can do is deal with ti in the best possible way. remember, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. in a few years if things go bad between them you wil be happy that you didnt pick sides.

metaoblivia

My brother had his first child at 19 with a woman (or rather, 16 year old girl) who had gotten pregnant intentionally to prevent him from joining the army. I didn't like her because I felt she was manipulative, but I kept my mouth shut. She ended up leaving him for another man when their child was a year old.
My brother got married a second time at 22 and had a second child with a woman I liked even less. Again, I never said anything to her, but everyone knew that I disliked her and it caused a lot of tension whenever she came over. It also caused tension between my brother and me. We were never close, but he knew I disliked her and it upset him. After she got pregnant with another man's baby and had an abortion, left him for a lesbian, tried to convince him to give his first child up for adoption and set him on fire, he divorced her.
It can be really hard to watch your sibling be with someone you really mistrust. But it's their life, and they have a right to live it as they see and love whom they want to love. If your brother's girlfriend really is dishonest and manipulative, he has to be the one to see it. Some people - like my mother - can handle those situations very diplomatically. She hated both of his wives as well, but she was always gracious when they came over. I, on the other hand, had been taught that if I had nothing nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all, so that's what I did.
I suggest getting excited that you're going to have a niece/nephew and find a way to deal with your brother's OH in a way that causes the least amount of tension.

How Strange

OP, you may be motivated by concern for your brother but the reality is that you are meddling in someone else's business. Maybe you're right and this girl is a nasty piece of work but no-one likes a 'I told you so' person.

Back off and leave them alone to sort this out for themselves. Your brother won't thank you even if you're right.

Also, I don't agree with how you are having these conversations with your parents especially regarding paternity of the child. I think you should stop this as sooner or later it will all come out and you'll be seen as the ring leader. I'd bet €50 that when your parents see that little baby for the first time they'll love it instantly and forget about the bitching.

As others have said, a baby will be the outcome of this situation and the best and kindest thing you can do is be there to get to know and love your new niece or nephew and you won't be able to do that if you're not on speaking terms with the parents.

Nevyn

Deleted User wrote: »

Regarding guardianship this is exactly also what I'm worried about he'll never have things set in stone about his rights and access and I know its not an issue now but she obviously doesn't want to get married ever but she will happily take money from him

Well there is away to help your brother by getting him some of the info he will need.

http://www.solo.ie/
http://www.treoir.ie/

board om

metaoblivia wrote: »

My brother had his first child at 19 with a woman (or rather, 16 year old girl) who had gotten pregnant intentionally to prevent him from joining the army. I didn't like her because I felt she was manipulative, but I kept my mouth shut. She ended up leaving him for another man when their child was a year old.
My brother got married a second time at 22 and had a second child with a woman I liked even less. Again, I never said anything to her, but everyone knew that I disliked her and it caused a lot of tension whenever she came over. It also caused tension between my brother and me. We were never close, but he knew I disliked her and it upset him. After she got pregnant with another man's baby and had an abortion, left him for a lesbian, tried to convince him to give his first child up for adoption and set him on fire, he divorced her.

WOW, now if that doesnt put your problems in prospective then i dont know what will.

paperclip2

For what its worth I reckon you should do your best to keep communication civil. Ultimately we can't live any life except our own and siblings are notoriously bad at taking advice (at least mine are!) What I have seen from personal experience is that when the grown-ups are at daggers drawn the ones that suffer the most are the little people. I had a really bad break-up with my daughters dad but we both copped on and decided to be adults and now things are good and my daughter can have a solid and real relationship with her biological dad which is something that has been really important to her.

I suppose what I'm saying is (que Simpsons ref) "Won't somebody please think of the children!" If this girl is as you say she is, then it might be up to you and your family to be the grown ups and manage your relationship with her in a calm and measured way, not getting drawn into any of the drama or falling for the game-playing.

Remember that whatever you think of her she will always be your niece/nephews mammy. How you see her won't be how they see her. Also if she is the way you describe her it's even more important that your family are in the picture. The day may come when your niece/nephew might need to know that they can rely on their Coolsmiley Auntie and that means being there for them from the get-go.:)

Best of luck!

How Strange

How Strange wrote: »

OP, you may be motivated by concern for your brother but the reality is that you are meddling in someone else's business. Maybe you're right and this girl is a nasty piece of work but no-one likes a 'I told you so' person.

I havent done anything at all other than a discussion with my parents
I have no intention on meddling at all I feel frozen as I know theres nothing that can be done
This thread is merely to vent my feelings on the subject
I did my duty and after my initial feeling of crying anger etc I put on fresh make up and I went to the pub where he was with his friends and I hugged him and I said Congratulations like I'm supposed to.

Suaimhneach

Hey CSG,
I dont have any similar experience but I thought it'd be nice to say something other than that you've already heard.
Personally, I am really close with my brother and I tend to be very honest with him. I'd probably approach him and gently and kindly voice my concerns. I mean that is the least you can do from your point of view. The sad fact is no matter what he's stuck in this situation so probably, he wont be able to take on board any of your fears or concerns because he's dealing with his own. But at least if you've voiced them to him in an honest way maybe he can be honest with you about his own fears. Its better for you two to be honest and support each other.

You will, like all things, eventually stop being angry. And life will go on. And there is no particular peice of advice one can give to help you feel better. Its a shít situation but you gotta deal with it as best you can.

All the best to you and your bro, and the baby

January

Just a word from someone who only found out they were pregnant last week,

You have to plan everything quickly or nothing would be planned. I agree she is being manipulative about money, she didn't even wait to be offered anything. But with regards to college and work, you have to get everything into perspective earlier rather than later. I've planned that I am going to go back to college part time when I have my baby, so I can get another job and provide for my baby.

chuci

hi CSG i know a few people who have had babies around your brothers age. they have not all stayed the the biological fathers but they have made it work for the kids involved. there is nothing worse than bringing up a baby in a hostile environment they still sense it as babies. you have to put aside your issues with the girlfriend, smile say nothing which you have been doing. be there for your brother, if you are the only two in the family then your the only one he has to talk to apart from your parents, but the little brothers always turn to their big sisters no matter what their age. give him information about his rights but don't give it and seem like your mis trusting of the girlfriend, if you get my drift. say you though he should know what he is entitled to.

as for the girl i think you should be happy that she has organised everything so fast if it was planned or not thats not relevant at the mo. she has organised her scans and talked to college so many young people who do get pregnant this kinda stuff doesnt even cross their mind.

just be there for your brother and it will all be forgotten when this wonderful little person comes into the world. it wont matter who it's mother is you will just love it so much and the joy it brings is unbelievable. good luck to you your family and your new niece/nephew.

K-9

dublindude wrote: »

Anyway, they've broken up now. It was a fairly bad break up, and I do think she seriously took the piss, but you know what, having a kid was probably the best thing that's every happened to him.

His daughter has become his life. She's such a lovely little girl, and she has brought him so much happiness. It has made him settle down, focus on his career and his life, and as a result he's a very successful guy now.

He's no longer with his ex - they have a polite relationship now - but honestly it worked out well in the end.

I edited that, but I think that's excellent.

Nobody can change how somebody feels about something. A mother even more so!;)

He sounds like he'll be a great Dad and that's the most important thing here. You know? the child?

As Thaedydal said check out those websites.

However, don't be too quick about going the court route to get rights. It can backfire and make things more difficult in the long run.

Sensitivity is required all round, including you Coolsmileygirl. Are you a Mum yourself?

How Strange

Deleted User wrote: »

I havent done anything at all other than a discussion with my parents
I have no intention on meddling at all I feel frozen as I know theres nothing that can be done
This thread is merely to vent my feelings on the subject
I did my duty and after my initial feeling of crying anger etc I put on fresh make up and I went to the pub where he was with his friends and I hugged him and I said Congratulations like I'm supposed to.

Yes but you are creating a division by talking to your parents about it behind your brothers back. Your dad is questioning the paternity of his unborn grandchild.

I can understand where you're coming from but you need to step back and stop setting up this them (your bf and his gf) against us (you and your parents).

Seanies32

Seanies32 wrote: »

I edited that, but I think that's excellent.

Nobody can change how somebody feels about something. A mother even more so!;)

He sounds like he'll be a great Dad and that's the most important thing here. You know? the child?

As Thaedydal said check out those websites.

However, don't be too quick about going the court route to get rights. It can backfire and make things more difficult in the long run.

Sensitivity is required all round, including you Coolsmileygirl. Are you a Mum yourself?

No I'm not

How Strange wrote: »

Yes but you are creating a division by talking to your parents about it behind your brothers back. Your dad is questioning the paternity of his unborn grandchild.

I can understand where you're coming from but you need to step back and stop setting up this them (your bf and his gf) against us (you and your parents).

That was created when she was messing with his head every other weekend and he was coming home drunk and crying
My parents know what she can be like more than myself really as they have witnessed first hand her behaviour in their house where as I don't live with them hence the reason they are questioning the paternity and or even suggested she did it all on purpose#

My mother has taken the news worse than me she thinks the girl is really common but she also knows she can't show her feeling towards the subject

She arrived at the house last night with a DVD of the Snapper and said her and my brother were going to watch it to prepare themselves and before they did they went to the chipper and got a load of food as she's now eating for two :rolleyes: My poor mother called me from upstairs and she said she didn't know whether to laugh or cry
She thinks the girl will be like Caroline Ahern's character in The Royle Family or even Vicky pollard
Its really times like this I'm glad I don’t live at home as it sounds like she will persecuting my family for the next 9 months

seahorse

Well I dont have much to add to what's already been said Coolsmileygirl, other than that I feel for you and hope you'll find a way to retain your composure for all your sakes. And also I dont think you've done anything wrong by discussing this with your parents. When a serious life-altering issue such as a becoming a parent for the first time happens to a family member the rest of the family talks about it; nothing strange about it - it'd be stranger if they didnt.

badolepuddytat

Neither you (or your mum) can impose your standards on other people, your brother has chosen this girl so must see some good in her. Try not to get wound up by things that she or he does, it'll come through and not help in the long run. As others have said keep things civil but maybe change jobs to break contact with her. If you think things will blow up in the future, a different work circle of friends will be helpful to stop s*it stirring. Even though guys are sometimes dopey about picking up hints, general comments like, we're always here for you and the baby no matter what happens, might give him the inkling that you know things have a potential to go awry but aren't interfering. Don't get directly involved if she does play mindgames, just let him know you're all there for your brother, the baby and her if she wants help. By staying calm and supportive you'll give your brother some perspective and by keeping schtum about your true feelings for her she'll never have ammo against you. She has the trump card and could curtail his and your family's access to the child so keep things civil. I'm not saying to put up with s*it from her if she's being unreasonable or that you should be false. Put acceptable boundaries in place, she can't act the maggot if you don't let her. The 'I'll pick what I want and you can pay for it' thing is funny, she's either chancing her arm or being ultra-practical in an unintentionally crass manner. I know you're just venting and upset, it's a good thing that your whole family is concerned, it means that the child will have a vigilant support network in place.

marti101

and you can claim lpa with the fathers name on the birth cert i did

board om

Deleted User wrote: »

She arrived at the house last night with a DVD of the Snapper and said her and my brother were going to watch it to prepare themselves and before they did they went to the chipper and got a load of food as she's now eating for two :rolleyes: My poor mother called me from upstairs and she said she didn't know whether to laugh or cry
She thinks the girl will be like Caroline Ahern's character in The Royle Family or even Vicky pollard
Its really times like this I'm glad I don’t live at home as it sounds like she will persecuting my family for the next 9 months

im sorry but i have to ask, are you 100% that this girl is really pregnant? and that she is not just saying she is pregnant with the hope that your brother now thinking it is safe not to use contraception will actually get her pregnant? i know it sounds paranoid and bizarrre, but the above quote is just too funny. she seems to be really rubbing it in with your family. getting the snapper? making a point about eating for 2? its all a bit too much if you ask me. has anything happened in her personal life recently, like maybe a chance she was going to have to move out of her house? or has she run up any debts? it all sounds a bit too much like a bad Roddy Doyle film (pun intended). i would be keeping my ears open if i were you.

board om

board om wrote: »

im sorry but i have to ask, are you 100% that this girl is really pregnant? and that she is not just saying she is pregnant with the hope that your brother now thinking it is safe not to use contraception will actually get her pregnant? i know it sounds paranoid and bizarrre, but the above quote is just too funny. she seems to be really rubbing it in with your family. getting the snapper? making a point about eating for 2? its all a bit too much if you ask me. has anything happened in her personal life recently, like maybe a chance she was going to have to move out of her house? or has she run up any debts? it all sounds a bit too much like a bad Roddy Doyle film (pun intended). i would be keeping my ears open if i were you.

I havent a clue really but I'm assuming the rotunda don't book you in for a scan on the maybe possibility of the fact that your pregnant she is going semi private and organised it straight away
When my mother got on the phone last night I felt so sorry for her and the above is so funny and really sounds straight out of a roddy doyle movie but thats what this girl is like exactly which is why I'm devastated that she is the mother of my brothers first born

I still haven't forgiven her for manipulating him out of taking a football scholarship in USA back in 2005. Instead she convinced him that he should be a plumber with her brother in laws new company

Puffin

to be honest, you sound more demanding, judgemental and inappropriate than the girlfriend.

you need to learn your place- you're his SISTER not his wife. what happened in 2005 to him (and not you) is his business,for you to 'not forgive' it is just plain self-involved.

while this might be making you feel important and like your parent's 'good child', it's not helpful to your family as a whole. i think you need to focus on building your own life.

board om

Puffin wrote: »

to be honest, you sound more demanding, judgemental and inappropriate than the girlfriend.

you need to learn your place- you're his SISTER not his wife. what happened in 2005 to him (and not you) is his business,for you to 'not forgive' it is just plain self-involved.

while this might be making you feel important and like your parent's 'good child', it's not helpful to your family as a whole. i think you need to focus on building your own life.

in fairness she is allowed be concerned for her brother. i woud be more worried if she wasnt concerned for him. it isnt as if she is acting on her feelings. isnt it better that she vents here rather than holds it in and loses the rag with the girlfriend?

board om

Deleted User wrote: »

I havent a clue really but I'm assuming the rotunda don't book you in for a scan on the maybe possibility of the fact that your pregnant she is going semi private and organised it straight away

i dont know if they do a pregnancy test before they bring you in for a scan, or if the first scan is essentially the pregnancy test. it was that long ago for me that i cant remember. but i do know at the first scan they usualy tell you how far gone you are and due dates and things like that. if they make appointments over the phone then they would usually assume that the mother to be has had the sense to make sure they are actually pregnant and they arent going for a scan on the chance that they may be pregnant.

God, you could get lucky yet

metaoblivia

board om wrote: »

in fairness she is allowed be concerned for her brother. i woud be more worried if she wasnt concerned for him. it isnt as if she is acting on her feelings. isnt it better that she vents here rather than holds it in and loses the rag with the girlfriend?

Agreed. I don't see anything wrong with venting about the girlfriend, even to other family members. I never said anything to my brother's wives, but the rest of our family shared our dislike for them privately amongst ourselves.

board om

board om wrote: »

in fairness she is allowed be concerned for her brother. i woud be more worried if she wasnt concerned for him. it isnt as if she is acting on her feelings. isnt it better that she vents here rather than holds it in and loses the rag with the girlfriend?

That’s exactly my aim, I cannot even vent this all that much to my friends really as they would more than likely say congrats to her within the next few months and she's exactly the type of girl to start WW2 over the fact I told someone too early/at all or that she would be afraid of talking behind her back about it.

(I have learnt this before regarding people asking me whether or not they had split up 1st time around)

She got a formal warning before in my job for screaming at me over another girl we both worked with saying to her "Oh I heard you broke up with ***** , Are you ok"

This lead to her leaving down what she was doing and shouting and roaring at me that her relationship and love life were none of my ****ing business which is true even though she was with my brother, when all I had said " Oh yeah they split last week"

We were always friendly to the point of we'd have a giggle at mutual family events and stuff like that or exchange pleasantries in work but she has went off on me and my family over stupid stuff way too often for it to backtrack to the friends we were before they had started out

board om wrote: »

i dont know if they do a pregnancy test before they bring you in for a scan, or if the first scan is essentially the pregnancy test. it was that long ago for me that i cant remember. but i do know at the first scan they usualy tell you how far gone you are and due dates and things like that. if they make appointments over the phone then they would usually assume that the mother to be has had the sense to make sure they are actually pregnant and they arent going for a scan on the chance that they may be pregnant.

God, you could get lucky yet

My mother is friends with a few people who work in rotunda and she rang to see what steps you take before a scan
She got a scan date so fast because she went semi private apparently

LegacyUser

"That was created when she was messing with his head every other weekend and he was coming home drunk and crying
My parents know what she can be like more than myself really as they have witnessed first hand her behaviour in their house where as I don't live with them hence the reason they are questioning the paternity and or even suggested she did it all on purpose#

My mother has taken the news worse than me she thinks the girl is really common but she also knows she can't show her feeling towards the subject"

Oh yeah... This is girl is sooooooooooooooo lucky to be carrying your brother's seed. If she was going to lie about the paternity why would she pick your brother and his obnoxious family to get involved with?

You are onbiously trying to demonise this girl in order to vindicate your brother's irresponsibilty and your family's bad attitude.

marti101

How did your mother get that information thats supposed to be confidental.The way YOU are acting makes me wonder are you jealous that you are not going to be no1 now and your brothers first prioroty will be the baby.Plus if she finds out that you have been asking questions at the hospital you could ruin your brothers chance of being part of the babys life,after all she might think that yous are psychos.Just be careful what you think because thinking and knowing are 2 different things.Also they give you an estimated date its not written in stone as the baby makes an appearence when they want to ,i know i had a baby 8 weeks ago and he was a week overdue

metrovelvet

If I were this girl I would read your mother the riot act for trying to snoop into my mdeical records.

And after the dna test, refuse to use your brother's last name for the baby until he and your dad take to prove your brothers paternity.

How dare all of you. If your not careful you will never see this child.

Beruthiel

Deleted User wrote: »

My mother is friends with a few people who work in rotunda and she rang to see what steps you take before a scan
She got a scan date so fast because she went semi private apparently

That's a pretty gross invasion of privacy.

The Sweeper

Just an observation - if someone rang me at work (and I work at a hospital) and said "How can I get a quick scan for my pregnancy and skip the waiting list" I'd be able to say to them "Use your private health insurance or pay to go semi private". They wouldn't have to name names to me, basic hospital procedure isn't restricted information.

metrovelvet

metrovelvet wrote: »

If I were this girl I would read your mother the riot act for trying to snoop into my mdeical records.

And after the dna test, refuse to use your brother's last name for the baby until he and your dad take to prove your brothers paternity.

How dare all of you. If your not careful you will never see this child.

Beruthiel wrote: »

That's a pretty gross invasion of privacy.

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Just an observation - if someone rang me at work (and I work at a hospital) and said "How can I get a quick scan for my pregnancy and skip the waiting list" I'd be able to say to them "Use your private health insurance or pay to go semi private". They wouldn't have to name names to me, basic hospital procedure isn't restricted information.

Please read the god damn posts please
She wasn't going in her medical records and its not an invasion of privacy at all and as MAJD said it was an inquiry into a basic hospital policy like anyone on here would even ask
:rolleyes::rolleyes:

marti101 wrote: »

How did your mother get that information thats supposed to be confidental.The way YOU are acting makes me wonder are you jealous that you are not going to be no1 now and your brothers first prioroty will be the baby.Plus if she finds out that you have been asking questions at the hospital you could ruin your brothers chance of being part of the babys life,after all she might think that yous are psychos.Just be careful what you think because thinking and knowing are 2 different things.Also they give you an estimated date its not written in stone as the baby makes an appearence when they want to ,i know i had a baby 8 weeks ago and he was a week overdue

Why would I be jealous now? I don't have a huge responsibility looming over my head like this.
I see my parents once a week so being number to them hasn't fallen into my priorities in a long time I don't live with them and they understand I have my own priorities if anything my mother's view of her darling son has been diminished

(That was exactly what my dad said to my mam in a jokey manner after she was told the news to ease her shock. My mam had bought my brother a big huge double bed after xmas and he was saying to her "the innocence of ya love I bet all you thought he was going to do was sleep on it and jump on it, How do you feel now that your first grandchild was probably conceived in it )

As for my brothers priority being the baby I would kill him if it wasn't.

marti101

Im just pointing out that if she finds out you have been asking questions you might ruin your brothers chance with the baby.I think if you have any questions ask her then it cant be thrown back in your face that you went behind her back.I cant help but feel that you are blaming this woman on everything your brother slept with her she didnt hold a gun to his head so its as much his responsability as it is hers.Your tone in these posts kindof makes out yourbrother done nothing ,you are only listening to 1 side of the story maybe if she sat you down and told you what your brother did it wouldnt be so 1 sided.Also i wouldntget to involved cause hen your brother and this girl decide to give it another go you will be the bad one cause you have been badmouthing her [hopefully not to him].We are only giving you our opinion and because we are not involved we can look at all aspects.

I'm not to bothered about the fact he has gotten someone pregnant
Its just who he got pregnant, apologies if that hasnt been made clear

My fathers side feel the same way exactly the whole family knows what she's like from previous encounters with her and hearing about how she treated him I bumped into two of my aunties last night and they said they were as upset as I was.
Me and family won't say anything and I know that much I just hope the rest of the family will do the same

Puffin

You’re all over the internet discussing her, your mother is calling hospitals trying to catch her out, your father is discussing paternity tests with you, your extended family is stopping in the street to discuss how upset they are…

If you think that your family’s hatred for this girl won’t be obvious to her, her family and (eventually) her child then you, and your entire family, is completely deluded.

Every single comment and action you take is damaging your future relationship with this child, and your brother’s relationship with this child.

K-9

marti101 wrote: »

and you can claim lpa with the fathers name on the birth cert i did

The fathers name is not needed for LPA.

However, reasonable efforts have to be made to get maintenance.

Puffin sums it up very well.

Coolsmileygirl, I think your family needs to take a step back. Access can be difficult to organsise with new born babies. Don't give her any reasons to make it more awkward.