Agression problem with gf.

LegacyUser

Hi guy's.

I need some advice on how to deal with my long term girlfriend, recently I've found myself getting very wound up when we argue, she's not easy to deal with and we have insane arguements, basicly she knows what buttons to press on me and wind me up, I get mad and if I try to leave the room she blocks me, she punch's, kicks, slaps , scratch's and bites me she's even barricaded the door I loose the head and end up throwing her out of the way which is my worst mistake cause she'll then dive accross the room and start shouting and telling my house mates I beat her up which is even more frustrating, I hit her once and I hate myself for it but I was about to burst. What can i do? I really don't want to ever lay my hand on a woman and I'm afraid if these arguements keep up i'll end up totally loosing it one day i've tried talking to her about it but she doesn't listen and will start again the week after...i'm beginning to hate the person I am becoming when I am around her..

Beruthiel

AAA01 wrote: »

I get mad and if I try to leave the room she blocks me, she punch's, kicks, slaps , scratch's and bites me she's even barricaded the door I loose the head and end up throwing her out of the way

Personally, I would walk away from a relationship that resulted in the above.
You both need help if it's getting physical, this is not normal behaviour.

Why are you still in a relationship with someone who treats you like the above?

Tigger

ye need to sit down and discuss this if she won't accept that she is doing this then its over


have you tried to ask her about it yet?

4Xcut

If you're beginning to hate the person you are when you're with her, then leave before you really do hate the person you are when you're around her.

Seriously , this is not healthy for either of you, especially as those are very, very serious allegations she's throwing at you.

johny28

WOW! I really feel for you mate and I know how hard it is to be in your position...

We all know walking away is the best thing but at times it is not as easy as it sounds..

I would tell her how I feel and give her the final warning then give yourself and her some space for the warning to sink in then after a month get back in touch and see how she feels..

I know it is hard when you are emotionally attached in a long term relation but this is the only way out if you cannot let go of her.

Hope this helps

Marksie

This type of behaviour is totally unacceptable whether it is comeing from a male or female.

The advice thereffore is the same: end the relationship.
It is doing you no good and i cannot see any adequate reason why anyone should stay when they are being subjected to abuse of this nature

aye

get out.

a mate of mine was in a relationship like this, in the end it all came to head on a drunken night in fiji.
i wont get into it, but it could have been avoided had he walked away beforehand.

serioulsy get rid.

IRISH RAIL

I was in a similar situation, where i after the fights i went to sleep on the sofa she then came down and started again so i grabbed her arm to get her out of the room. then as you she tells everyone I hit her but I rang the cops and they believed me its quite common with women who cry wolf. shes now an ex and Im happy again.
its going to be tough but end it now dont hang on thinking they will change , once a psyco always a psyco.

Wibbs

I agree with the walk away bit. Some people like drama in their lives and it can come out like this. You won't be able to change her. You may be tempted but you'll never "fix" her. Nothing you will say or do will ever be enough and this will repeat ad nauseum. The only one who can change her is her and if she's not prepared to do so then it'll never change.

It can also be true that on top of the previous, two people are just simply not compatible. What's keeping you there is the man woman relationship. I'm quite sure you wouldn't tolerate that stuff from a mate, male or female, so why tolerate it from someone just because you're intimate with them? Makes no sense though too many couples stay together for that reason.

Do both of you a favour, walk and explain calmly to her why you're walking. If she sees the why, it may help her to start to look at herself and change. I doubt it though. Too often the drama type is not very self aware and will blame you for the break. Rinse and repeat.

Sangre

its thought domestic abuse against men is the most unreported serious crime. you may laugh it off but she is assaulting you and committing a crime. no doubt you don't want to go down this route but be so careful, as you mentioned, one day you could completely lose it and you could find yourself in a heap of trouble.

AARRRGH

She wants you to attack her so she can play the victim. I'm not saying you're abusive, but a lot of women pick abusive men and purposefully wind them up so they'll be attacked and can play the victim.

Basically she likes the drama.

I think you should get rid of someone like her as she is bad news and you're right in thinking your relationship is heading to a dangerous place.

MIN2511

This is a delicate topic for me…

OP, I did hit my ex once… the arguments were too emotional, we brought out the worst and the best in each other… Once he smashed 6 wine glasses because he was angry (I won’t go into details) but my advice to you is to end the relationship, both of you are frustrated… Am sorry but it’s not a healthy relationship, the earlier you get out of it the better before it gets out o hand. Who knows what might happen the next time…

melekalikimaka

never hit a lass, but been inyour shoes before with the gf... i u sed to pour water or whatever over them when they got tothat point and do a runner til she cooled down

LegacyUser

It's been like this for a while, when we argue I prefer to calm thing's down and talk when we can not shout and scream but she doesn't let this happen, If I ask her to leave she will refuse and camp in my room, if i try sleep on the couch she'll follow and kick me if i try to sleep the last fight I kept just pushing her away from me and she'd jump on the ground then come back and attack me, one of the lads had to wake up and come stop it and then she started shouting that I had hit her but of course he'd been listening and didn't believe her which sent her into more of a rager, she then will sit in my room crying really loud so everyone can hear her and won't leave the next day either...I've just been in a relationship so long i've gotten used to this routine, i've let this go putting it down to her depression and the idea that it will change, empty promises but it just stays more and more the same and gets worst...everything wrong in her life gets taken out or blamed on me.

Maggie Simpson

This is a rotten situation you are in. No matter what the history is between you two, you need to stop focusing on her for a while. Her depression, what's wrong in her life and everything else is not your fault and she can't be in a relationship while all this is going on. There's no easy answer here - I can't imagine she's gonna let you go easily but you have to do it before one of you gets seriously hurt. And you, seeming the more stable of the two, need to be the one to push the button, so to speak.

Beruthiel

AAA01 wrote: »

I've just been in a relationship so long i've gotten used to this routine, i've let this go putting it down to her depression and the idea that it will change, empty promises but it just stays more and more the same and gets worst...everything wrong in her life gets taken out or blamed on me.

None of the above is going to change OP.
This relationship is abusive and miserable. You deserve better.
Finish it with her.

MIN2511

We don't know your gf version of the story, but have you thought that maybe she wants a bit more than you have offered lately(commitment, kids?)

My advice is to LEAVE, breaking up with my ex is the best decision i ever made.
How long have ye been dating?

LegacyUser

True, you don't know her side but to be honest she would just say that I am to blame and do nothing for her, in her eyes I can never do enough, we've been dating 4 years and kids no thanks i'm only 21 although i'm starting to feel 31 tbh. I've tried talking etc even tried breaking up before put she wouldn't stop calling up, texting, begging, saying sorry, emailing and I just gave in thinking it would change, that lasted about 5 days.

Marksie

AAA01 wrote: »

True, you don't know her side but to be honest she would just say that I am to blame and do nothing for her, in her eyes I can never do enough, we've been dating 4 years and kids no thanks i'm only 21 although i'm starting to feel 31 tbh. I've tried talking etc even tried breaking up before put she wouldn't stop calling up, texting, begging, saying sorry, emailing and I just gave in thinking it would change, that lasted about 5 days.

Given what you have juts said..how old would you feel when you actually DO turn 31????

THink can you stand being like this in five, ten, fisteen years time?

MIN2511

AAA01 wrote: »

True, you don't know her side but to be honest she would just say that I am to blame and do nothing for her, in her eyes I can never do enough, we've been dating 4 years and kids no thanks i'm only 21 although i'm starting to feel 31 tbh. I've tried talking etc even tried breaking up before put she wouldn't stop calling up, texting, begging, saying sorry, emailing and I just gave in thinking it would change, that lasted about 5 days.

Am sorry if i keep refering back to my relationship with my ex but the situation is so similar.


Question; what do you want from this relationship? It seems you know the solution to this problem but you wont/dont want to end the relationship because you are too comfortable in it?


Every reply to this thread has been get out of the relationship... yet it seems you want it to work(fair play to you) but then is there any way out of your situation? Do you think she would change?

takola

OP you've said the relationship has always been like this. If it was going to change it would have in the 4 years it took to get to this point.

You're asking for advice here because you know that you're coming close to losing your temper altogether and that you're going to lash out at her. You have to walk away from this now because you see it coming. She is not going to change. And if it does happen that you lash out you won't be able to blame her at all because you already know it's going to happen. She's responsible for winding you up and not letting it go. But you're responsible for your own temper and when you see it coming you'll be the one responsible for hitting her. And from the sounds of it she will milk it for all it's worth.

It is heading for a dangerous place. You need to walk away now before it's gets worse.

c - 13

Just a though here but if you do break up with (which IMO you should for all the reasons laid out above) you should first lodge a record of the attacks and stuff that she put you under with the gardai or something.

If she realises that the break-up is for good this time and she likes to claim that you beat her she may well try get you one last time by reporting you. At least if you have a record lodged yourself it will be goundless (possibly).

Seriously I sugest you get out of it for good and stay strong, dont take her back. A relationship like that is not healthy.

Overheal

You acted defensively if what you say is true: that you tried to escape the situation only to be physically barred from doing so, and attacked such.

Before this gets out of hand its time to end it. I've been in that situation and seen it too: this can only end badly. Leave now.

Seraphina

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!

what i hate most about men complaining that women are psycho's, is that most of the time, the men are either facilitating this behaviour, or making the women think its ok, and playing right into their hands. they let it get worse and worse and worse. 4 years man, 4 YEARS!!!

you should have left the first time it happened! that is NOT acceptable behaviour from ANYONE, no matter what kind of depression/problems she claims she has, its all ATTENTION SEEKING, nothing else.

dodgyme

Nobody has asked the OP if he loves his gf?

Maggie Simpson

dodgyme wrote: »

Nobody has asked the OP if he loves his gf?

Does that really matter in a situation like this? When things have gotten violent?

4Xcut

At above: that's irrelevant.

Not that the OP's emotions are but it doesn't effect his best course of action, which is: RUN

EDIT:by at above, i meant the post by dodgyme

dodgyme

Maggie Simpson wrote: »

Does that really matter in a situation like this? When things have gotten violent?

Let the OP answer this. I think it is relevant because if they care enough they might be able to implement a course of action to reverse the aggressive tendency by agreeing to intervene mentally in the situation as they see it arising.

People can control themselves or else we'd be boxing the heads off everyone we meet. Just before someone explodes to can put a checkpoint to try and stop it. But both parties really need to maturity to agree what needs to be done.

dudara

Based on your comments, this woman sounds as if she is a drama queen of the highest order, one who is willing to resort to physical violence and lies to achieve the attention she requires.

I would suggest to you that you talk to her (with someone else in the room), tell her that you find this unacceptable, and suggest that she seek professional help for this behaviour.

You may love this girl, but unless she learns to act like a mature adult, the relationship will go nowhere, and if continued, could be very damaging to both of you.

Miss Fluff

Save yourself a lot of heartache OP and go your seperate ways. In an abusive relationship like that a push or a shove can go SO badly wrong SO easily, next thing you know you could find yourself in clink for assault. Get out while you are still sane and cut her out of your life completely. It will only end in tears and I'd put money on it that they will be your tears. It will be tough if you love her but people who really truly love and care about one another don't physically abuse one another. Run for the hills.

jesus_thats_gre

Sangre wrote: »

its thought domestic abuse against men is the most unreported serious crime. you may laugh it off but she is assaulting you and committing a crime. no doubt you don't want to go down this route but be so careful, as you mentioned, one day you could completely lose it and you could find yourself in a heap of trouble.

Agreed.. While men can physically hurt women considerably more than most women can hurt men, it is the mental aspect of abuse that is responsible for the real problems.

Toots

This girl sounds like a psycho! Seriously, you need to get out before something awful happens. Like MissFluff said, a push or a shove could go very badly wrong and could land you in a lot of trouble, even if in the grand scheme of things it paled in comparison to what she has put you through.

My advice would be make a clean break Go somewhere public like a cafe or restaurant, calmly and quietly explain that it's over and give the reasons why. Tell her you feel it would be better if you didn't stay in touch, then leave. Make sure you emphasise that this decision is final and there is no chance for getting back together. Change your mobile number, and let your friends and family know not to give her the new one if she asks for it. Put her email address on the 'blocked' or 'spam' list in your email so that any messages she sends will go straight to the trash. You already said that the last time you split up she only changed for about a week, so if you take her back again, I reckon the honeymoon period will be even less. Regardless of whether or not you love her, you need to leave for your own good.

SarahSassy

The pair of you are toxic together and if you thought on any level that its ok then you are wrong... Take a step back and think about what advice you would give to a brother / friend in this situation. I sincerely doubt you would tell him to stay in that relationship... Its not right and you are doing each other untold mental (never mind physical) harm.... Walk away now and dont look back.

Ickle Magoo

I agree, you have to walk away now before anything really serious happens. Hitting & kicking is not acceptable behaviour, if she can't behave like an adult then she has no place in an adult relationship.

Maybe put your relationship on hold until she has attended anger management classes or a councellor but physical or emotional abuse in a relationship is a deal breaker, regardless of who's doing it.

silverstealth

The relationship is destructive and will only get worse. This woman has total control over your emotions.

If you do not leave then its more than likely your going to spend at least one night in the cells with an assault charge. she will obtain a restraining order and will turn up at court looking all prim and proper with a tear in her eye to give evidence.

And then your potentially Fuc**d...

LegacyUser

Thanks for the comments, I do love her but I just couldn't take anymore, I talked to her tonight and told her i couldn't go on like this, she didn't want it to end and begged me for another chance but i'm out of chances...she left and we agreed not to talk as it'd hurt us both too much...I feel like my heart is broken and sick, I didn't want to hurt her and seeing her in tears made me feel like crap, after being together so long i'm going to have no idea what to do with myself but I know it's for the best...i'm generally not an emotional guy but i really am feeling it right now.

board om

Hey OP,

Until you said that your GF is only 21 I thought for a minute there that you were going out with my ex. my ex would be about 30 so I presume it’s not her. The rest of the description fits though. Do yourself a favour and get out NOW. People like her need help, but to get help they first have to admit they have a problem, and they will never admit that so you are going to spend the next few years going through this until 1 of 2 things happens. 1) You end up hitting her back, or worse still you don’t hit her back but she still tells everyone you did, and you end up on an assault charge. or 2) she snaps some night and ends up doing serious damage to you like sticking a kitchen knife in you or hitting you with something too hard in the head, and you end up seriously injured or worse. It’s inevitable unless she gets help.

We used to be sitting there having a laugh watching TV or something and all of a sudden she would snap. And when I say she snapped I mean she snapped. The difference is that I never ever hit her back, not even once. I was with her nearly 2 years and there wasn’t a thing she didn’t do to me. In the beginning I used to react but after a while I got used to her and I stopped reacting, which actually made things worse. Because then she did bigger and more extreme things to try and make me react. And the same as your GF did, she used to scream that I was hitting her and beating her, etc etc etc. The fact that I wouldn’t hit her back made her all the angrier. When she was mid argument she used to scream at me asking why wont I hit her back. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction because I knew that’s what she wanted, something to go and tell everyone so he stories would be more exciting. I wasn’t lowering myself to her level just so she could have something to talk about in work.

What I would be careful of is what she is telling other people. Because I found out through various people that my ex was actually telling her work colleagues and her family and friends that I was beating her and abusing her. I think the truth was she just liked the attention. She realised nobody wanted to hear about people in happy relationships, they only liked to talk about abusive relationships because they were more exciting. So it didn’t matter to her if it was real or not, as long as it made her seem interesting then she was happy. I could never figure out why in nearly 2 years we never socialised with any of her friends and she never brought me out on her work nights out or to meet her family. And then if we did bump into her friends they would just stare at me in disgust. I found out it was because of what she used to tell them. The funny thing was when I first met her she was going out with some guy and ‘apparently’ he used to abuse her, so I supposedly 'saved' her from him. I always wanted to give him a good kicking but she said to leave him be. It was only afterwards I realised that he was never abusing her, again it was just fantasy BS, because it was more exciting than real life.

in the time I was with her she kicked the crap out me many a time, smashed my car up, got me thrown out of 2 flats, she actually got barred from one of the buildings because the neighbours called the landlord after she wrecked one of the flats and then when he arrived she tried to say I had beat her up. But he knew well what she was up to because he heard it all from outside the flat. He just told her to fcuk off and not to come back or he would call the garda, and then he took me to one side and said get away from her because she is going to get you into trouble. Everyone could see how dangerous she was except me. She once smashed a plate over the back of my head while I was eating dinner because I made a scraping noise with a fork on the plate. She scratched my neck and face so many times that girls in work started joking asking me was I a battered husband (yeah, really funny).

the worst was every time I broke up with her the craziest siht used to happen, she used to call my parents and telling them I was an alcoholic and a junkie (I barely even drank while I was with her), calling my job, calling my friends and telling them I thought they fancied her so as to stir siht between me and them. You name it, she did it. I was seeing a drugs councillor at the time and she even called my councillor pretending to be a patient and trying to make an appointment. My councillor copped who it was, because obviously I had been telling the councillor all about her, so the counsellor told her they couldn’t see her due to conflict of interest. One day when I told her it was finished she wouldn’t let me leave and when I finally got to the car and started it she stood in the way. I eventually got past her and the next thing I know she has called the garda to tell them I have driven over her. The garda came to the house and asked to see her injuries and when there was none they left, but still it was pretty nuts. And every time I thought I was free, the threats of suicide would start. I knew she would never actually do it because she was too selfish a person, but still, I had to be cautious. I always wondered during our many, many explosive arguments with her screaming "please stop hitting me" while I was standing on the other side of the room why none of her neighbours ever intervened. Then I found out that they had heard it all before with her previous BF, so they knew all about her.

All I can say is get away now. You can’t help her, only she can do that. And you are young so don’t go ruining your life for some insane bitch. How I got away in the end was changing phone number, moving address, and threatening her with a restraining order. I told her if that happened I was going to make sure everyone heard abut it, no matter how much of a wuss I looked for getting attacked by a girl, I was going to make sure everyone knew the truth. And the threat of that finally scared her off. That was the only thing that scared her, losing her reputation as a sweet innocent middle class girl.

Get out NOW before something really bad happens, because it will, I promise you that. All it takes is for one of you to lose control and you could end up seriously injured. Or you could end up in jail and labelled an abusive male. Either way its not good. Get away from her before she ruins your life.

All the best and good luck.

SarahSassy

Boards_Om, can I ask why you stayed with her for so long?

silverstealth

AAA01 wrote: »

Thanks for the comments, I do love her but I just couldn't take anymore, I talked to her tonight and told her i couldn't go on like this, she didn't want it to end and begged me for another chance but i'm out of chances...she left and we agreed not to talk as it'd hurt us both too much...I feel like my heart is broken and sick, I didn't want to hurt her and seeing her in tears made me feel like crap, after being together so long i'm going to have no idea what to do with myself but I know it's for the best...i'm generally not an emotional guy but i really am feeling it right now.

But is it love or the fear of her seeing someone else?

Delete her number off your phone, you can still keep it if you want but write it down and leave it at home. If its deleted off your phone then its saves you either making a fool of yourself after a skinful of beer by texting at 3 in the morning or worse still ending up back with her.

Maggie Simpson

OP. Well done on making the first step to ending this mess. I can understand why you feel like crap but she'll never sort herself out while she's with you - or she may never sort herself out at all. Either way, you did the right thing, even if you feel awful right now.

Fifilefleure

As Maggie_Simpson says - Well done OP!!!

Seriously you have done the right thing - love can be very strange... sometimes it makes you bring out the worse in each other.. however you have realised that you need to end it for both your sakes. Maybe that will be the wake up call to go & seek help for herself or take a closer look at her actions. No wonder your feeling bad - you have come to accept her behaviour & attitude as normal & acceptable!! You were with her for so long and there must have been something there to keep ye together for so long. Don't give into her blackmail or get back with her. She has her own issues to deal with, that she needs to resolve herself!!

OP - now would be the time to keep yourself busy - look into social activities, sports - anything to distract you from thinking about her & wondering etc. You need to live your own life now - not the dramatic soap opera you have become accoustomed too.

board om

SarahSassy wrote: »

Boards_Om, can I ask why you stayed with her for so long?

becuase........ are you ready for this?......... i loved her :rolleyes:

Doh!!!!

Actually, maybe I was mixing up guilt with love. You see I was pretty messed up when I first met her. I was on full time party mode at the time so lots and lots of coke. In fact I actually met her at an all weekender coke party so I should have known then that it would be a disaster. Anyways, she liked to party but not quite as much as I did. Plus I had a bit of a problem with heroin that she didn’t know about, in fact nobody knew about it really because I used to be very good at keeping it hidden back then. So I met her at this party and she was actually going out with a guy at the time (her abusive boyfriend who I supposedly saved her from :rolleyes:) and within a week of meeting her she had ditched your man and she had pretty much moved into my place. So for the first few months we really partied hard and after a while it was starting to get a bit much. The whole time I kept the extent of my drug use under wraps which wasn’t easy, but I managed it. But then things got out of control and very messy and it all came out in a very ugly way. Let’s just say she was not at all impressed when she found out and more than a little shocked (she had never even met someone who had taken heroin so it really knocked her for six). So I had a choice of losing her or getting clean. I chose to get clean and sort myself out, which I did a very good job of if I do say so myself. And she stuck with me the whole way through until I got myself together.

So anyways, once I was clean my head started working properly again and I got back to semi normal life. But I started to notice little peculiar things about her I hadn’t noticed before, like her going on really bad downers, snapping for no reason, arguing over nothing, catching her out on strange lies, etc. Well, I had kind of noticed these things before but I thought it was me being off my head that was causing her to act like this. So I felt very guilty for putting her through that. But after a while I realized it was nothing to do with my drug taking, she was just plain crazy. But the way I saw it was she stuck with me when she found out about my drug problems and helped me sort them out, so I reckoned I should stick with her while she sorted out her problems, I thought that I at least owed her that. The only problem with that was that her problems were pretty serious and the worst part was that she was the only person who couldn’t see them. Well she could see them, but admitting to them would be admitting defeat to herself and she wasn’t going to do that.

So long story short, I spent nearly 2 years getting slapped around, lied to, lied about, having my life turned upside down by a complete and utter psychopath. There was nothing sane about this girl. There are Brazilian nuts that would be envious of this girl’s nuttiness. Bunny boiler would be an understatement.

So guilt or love, I will never know.

chuci

well done op for kicking her to the curb. 4 years is a long time in know and it will be hard but time is a great healer. give your friends a shout and catch up with some of them you might not have seen so much of since you starting going out. maybe join a club or gym or something to keep your mind off her and to occupy yourself. take her off bebo/facebook/msn block her email just so she cant contact you.out of sight out of mind.good luck.

DD

Fights are not good, why don't you walk you away from this? If she doesn't understand it, she won't change.
If I were I'd just walk away to have my peace with someone else.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for the replys , It's not easy but I have a good few activities, good friends and I go to the gym 4 times a week anyway so I have plenty to keep occupied...i'm getting constant texts, emails, calls from her now saying the same thing's over and over, I feel terrible ignoring them but I think it's the only way.

Toots

AAA01 wrote: »

Thanks again for the replys , It's not easy but I have a good few activities, good friends and I go to the gym 4 times a week anyway so I have plenty to keep occupied...i'm getting constant texts, emails, calls from her now saying the same thing's over and over, I feel terrible ignoring them but I think it's the only way.

I'd suggest thinking about getting a new number TBH, at least then you won't be aware of all the calls and texts so you won't be reminded every time your phone rings or beeps.

Semele

I think you should consider the possibility that your girlfriend has borderline personality disorder (BPD). I'm not making a diagnosis here but I have a lot of experience of this disorder of both personal and professional levels and would suggest that she seeks further medical opinion about this. Whether or notthis affects your decision to break up with her is irrelevant, but she is not the psycho that everyone is claiming. I recommend that you should read a book called "Stop walking on eggshells: Taking back your life when someone you love has BPD". It will do a lot to lessen your frustration and anger with her behaviour: once you understand the emotional turmoil that drives it you can sympathise with her more, as well as be better equipped to defuse situations that arise. I am obviously not qualified to make a diagnosis based on your posts but I do think that if you love this girl, you owe it to yourself and to her to encourage her to get help for this- her behaviour evidently does not make her happy either.

Monkey61

Having read all the replies I want to present the other side of this story. Has anybody even considered for a second how the OP's girlfriend must be feeling and that perhaps she is just crying out for help that nobody is giving her?

If his girlfriend was constantly screaming out in pain because she had a broken leg, would the obvious move not be to get her some help instead of just encouraging him to break up with her?

Absolutely everybody is right in saying that her behaviour is not normal. But it's not normal because there is clearly something wrong with her, not becasue she's neccessarily a bad person.

Has it also occured to anyone that perhaps she can't help herself and actually needs him to bring her to the doctor, psychiatrist etc? Digging oneself out of the pit of mental illness on your own is damn near impossible.

I am speaking from experience here. I have acted in ways that are quite similar to this entirely becasue I could not help it. I have a psychological disorder that has caused the ruination of countless relationships due to others not being able to understand what I was going through.

My present girlfriend loved me enough to realise that this was something that needed sorting out and battled on through even when I was treating her abysmally.

If you love your girlfriend and want to be with her then get her some help. It is not something that she can do herself.

shoegirl

AAA01 wrote: »

... if I try to leave the room she blocks me, she punch's, kicks, slaps , scratch's and bites me she's even barricaded the door I loose the head and end up throwing her out of the way which is my worst mistake cause she'll then dive accross the room and start shouting and telling my house mates I beat her up which is even more frustrating, I hit her once and I hate myself for it but I was about to burst. .....

Hate to say it, but she has big issues that I think you need to withdraw from. This level of agression is very difficult to deal with for any kind of person. I'd suggest you withdraw from this relationship and explain why from a safe distance (i.e. not physically present). I don't think you can help her, and she's clearly not helping you.

LegacyUser

I never said she was a bad person she is far from it, when she's not doing this she is sweet, kind, caring and would do anything for you, it's just the bad that has pushed me away, I have tried helping her for a long time but it's too much and for a long time she wouldn't admit she had a problem she would just blame me on it all. I do love her I care about her and don't want to see her hurt, but i am not IN love with her anymore and I can't help how I feel, right now I need to know that I can have a weekend without fighting till 6 in the morning and see my friends, I know it might sound selfish but I need this or i'll fall into depression myself.

I've talked to her and told her that I'll still help her get help if she really wants it, but said that will have nothing to do with us ever getting back together I don't wanna give her false hope but i do want her to help herself for her own sake and I think she's finally starting to see that she does need it, she has alot of issues she needs to deal with but is afraid to face and even though were broken up I seem to be the only one she trusts and I know just walking away is the easiest way but I can't do that to someone together or not...so i will help her.

MIN2511

Right.. you break up with someone because you can't handle the relationship anymore... you shouldn't be offering her help...
GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE
I really cannot stress enough how no one should be friends with the ex, it complicates everything. Very few people can survive it and others dont, you just got out of a 'violent' relationship why don't you mourn the relationship and MOVE ON!!!